- Placing the arms on either side of the penis, ostensibly for stroking up and down
- Inserting one arm anally while stimulating the testicles with the other
- Inserting one arm vaginally and the other anally
I’ll be honest. I thought all the vibrators in the Mini Marvels line looked dinky, a word I used to describe a toy in a review from a decade ago – and one a little more recently! I was looking for any reason to try a toy in this line, however, because of the comic book-inspired packaging. After I read Dizzy Girl’s favorable review of the Teaser, I decided to try one.
I thought perhaps that the Marvelous Massager was best suited for my masturbatory preferences, and SheVibe shipped it my way.
Cal Exotics attempted to create a line of toys that fit into your hand almost intuitively, and this is one of the things that initially attracted me to the line when I came across it in Dizzy’s review. The finger location of the Teaser, however, seems a little more natural; although, even Dizzy Girl mentioned having to hold the toy in a way other than was intended by the design because she’s human. As am I
Despite other reviewers finding the Marvelous Massager, in particular, to be comfortable to hold, I could not disagree more. In fact, I was surprised to hear anyone describe this thing as easy to hold. As it turns out, I was holding it wrong. See, I require a lot of clitoral pressure when I masturbate, and I want to hold the Marvelous Massager with the thinner end toward my mons, so I get more pressure from the thicker end. Of course, the valleys for my fingers don’t work at all in that position.
Even when I turn the toy around, it still doesn’t seem to be designed well. Keeping your fingers between the “fins” prevents you from bending them at all. I probably have arthritis in my hands, and simply placing my fingers inside the slots for less than a minute leaves my knuckles feeling a bit stranger for a while. Not necessarily painful, but just a reminder of how damn awkward the position was. Were the handle portion narrow like the Teaser, it might fit more comfortably.
But there’s another issue. The Mini Marvels seem like they might simply be better for someone whose hands do not fit into gloves meant for children. In Mizz Jezebella’s photos, her fingers extend far longer than mine, and her knuckles sit differently within the finger valleys.
Finally, you can’t push the buttons with the same hand that’s using the vibrator
I think a solution to my issues, aside from having hands that function at 100%, would simply to make the fins that line that finger valleys much more flexible. A couple of bloggers call them flexible in their reviews but.. eh.. not really. You’d certainly think the fins would be more flexible than they are. That would give my fingers more room to “breathe” and, I suspect, make holding the Marvelous Massager much more comfortable (especially if they extended further from the center of the toy). Plus, this would allow a greater range of people to use this toy.
CalExotics obviously designed the Marvelous Massager — and perhaps all of the toys in the Mini Marvels line — with (cis) women in mind. They’re ideal for lithe fingers and, in fact, the illustrations included with the Marvelous Massager do not depict human fingers. Perhaps they’re some sort of alien appendages. I don’t know if CalExotics has invented finger shaming, but it’s ridiculous.
As is, my fingers seem pretty standard width. They’re not remarkably slender or wide. But anyone with meatier fingers, and definitely cis men would find the Marvelous Massager nigh on impossible to use as intended.
You can always use the toy more in the palm of your hand than with your fingers in the grooves. The shape of the Marvelous Massager means that I still can’t acquire the pressure that I prefer. I like the side that makes contact to protrude more. Lelo Siri 2Lelo’s Siri does this a bit. So does the Fun Factory Laya Spot. It allows me to grind the toy into my vulva. I can’t do this with this toy, however.
That leaves us at vibrations. I’ve seen some toys that are surprisingly powerful despite their size and toys that have vibrations as weak as they are small. The Marvelous Massager falls somewhere in between. It’s perhaps stronger than you might think given the design, but it’s a far cry from marvelous. Perhaps the broad bottom of this toy is less than ideal for distributing vibrations. I don’t necessarily want something pinpoint, but it’s just a bit too diffuse for me. I tried using the vibrator on its side, but that’s not an ideal solution, either.
There are seven settings aside from constant vibration. By now, my readers probably know that I’m not down with these settings. They seem lackluster, per usual.
One thing I do like is that the two buttons (power and cycling through settings) are raised. These didn’t show up well in my photos, but they’re easy to find with your fingers. Of course, the position doesn’t make perfect sense. I wonder if CalExotics could have managed to put them more on the sides like some computer mouses have buttons. Or even make it squeezable from the sides. Combining this with the Minna Limon would make an interesting little toy.
Aside from issues I’ve covered, you might care to know that the Marvelous Massager is waterproof and recharges via USB. For those who desire more power, you’re only going to get 30 minutes out of this vibrator (2 hours on low setting, however). This seems laughable compared to some vibrators and especially when you consider that it needs 2.5 hours to charge. I drained the toy on my first use. It looks like the entire line uses the same motor, so I wouldn’t use this as your only toy if you enjoy marathon sessions.
I suppose I cannot help but wonder if the shape of the Marvelous Massager is my biggest issue. Would I have preferred something else or am I out of luck given my preferences?
Welcome to this month’s edition of Science of Sex. This topic was suggested by one of my readers in my recent blog giveaway (thanks Courtney!). Vaginismus is a condition that you might never have heard of if you haven’t struggled with it (or known someone who has). And it seems like medical professionals don’t always take claims of pain as seriously as they should. It’s a shame because vaginismus is quite treatable as you’ll learn below.
Check out the rest of the Science of Sex posts here.
Some people suffer from a condition known as vaginismus, which is characterized by involuntary contractions of the vagina that make sex painful or even impossible. It’s not uncommon for people who have this — or their partners — to describe it like hitting a wall.
There are two types of vaginismus: primary (lifelong) and secondary (developed).
A similar problem is dyspareunia or painful sex; although, vaginismus is a specific condition and patients with this condition have fewer issues with desire and self-lubrication than those whth dyspareunia.
Vaginismus is interested because it’s certainly tied to emotions, especially fear and anxiety. One survey found that people who suffer from vaginismus had a significantly higher phobia of sex while another found that over half of participants with vaginismus qualified as alexithymic (the inability to name their emotions).
While a past trauma such as sexual assault may potentially be one factor in vaginismus, people who have never engaged in any form of sexual activity can also suffer from this. And pain may be present in non-sexual situations like using a tampon or getting a Pap smear.
But there is doubt whether the emotional state causes vaginismus or whether pain leads to anxiety. Vaginismus is definitely a vicious cycle.
Researchers have looked for differences in brain and genital response in people with this condition. Interestingly, there are no differences in how the brain responds. Furthermore, while women with vaginismus report less mental arousal to erotic content, they don’t necessarily have decreased genital arousal. This is known as arousal non-concordance, and is a common theme of female sexual dysfunction.
Because of the emotional/mental aspects of vaginismus, many of the treatment options are psychological. Mindfulness, for example, can be an effective treatment.
Touching exercises are a common treatment for this condition. Patients are instructed to touch themselves progressively closer to their vagina until their can do so with less or no pain. Insertion begins with a single finger, then moves to devices (dilators) that become progressively larger.
Coping with vaginismus can be difficult for couples. Some professionals recommend erection-enabling medications if partners find it difficult to remain erect or to engage in penetration after dealing with vaginismus. Becoming accustomed to touch helps to desensitize people.
Treatment can allow for successful intercourse in as little as two weeks.
Medicine interventions have been explored, and botox may be one option for treating vaginismus. Surgery is also occasionally a solution. A hymenectomy (removal/reduction of the hymen) to make sex possible and pleasurable.
Although most people think of vaginismus in terms of sex, it can also affect childbirth and labor. Specifically, women with vaginismus are more likely to have C-sections and to suffer from perineal laceration (tears of the perineum, the skin between the anus an vagina) during vaginal deliveries. It stands to reason that fear of pain and muscle contractions or tension could make this area more vulnerable.
I spent an awful lot of time learning — and teaching about — female genitalia. I talk about where it is, what it does, how it works, and how to interact with the various bits and bobbles. Like most aspects of human sexuality, a (cis) woman’s sexuality, is ignored. So I feel there’s a good reason for me to harp about vulvas and vagina, clitorises and cervixes, and everything in between.
Despite more attention being paid to the penis, its testicular friends, and the neighboring prostate, there’s a wealth of knowledge that is unknown (perhaps forgotten), and I came face to face with it in Happy Down Below, a book about the penis by German urologist Dr. Oliver Gralla. I was continually surprised by what I learned in this book. It was the type of knowledge you can only glean through an active career in your field, and the good doctor shares the knowledge-through-experience he’s had treating UTIs, infertility, erectile dysfunction, foreskin, and other topics.
Happy Down Below starts strong, with Dr. Gralla writing about how little most (cis) men know about their penises. Phew, at least it’s not just me.
However, the book slowed down a bit as the doctor introduced the reader to the penis, which included information about average sized (old news pour moi), the definition of and possible solutions to having a micropenis, and a rundown of all the parts. Toward the end of the chapter are sections on spots, warts, and other unwanted conditions of the penis. This first chapter is somewhat confusingly arranged, and it left me wondering what the actual point of it was. At nearly 50 pages, the first chapter is lengthy, and it could easily have been split up for clarity of theme.
Peppered throughout this book are stories from Dr. Gralla’s career or his colleagues’. The stories range from unbelievable (patients inserting ball bearings into their urethra until they fill the bladder) to grotesque (doctors using parts of corpses to enlarge the penis and patients injecting caulk into their penises). These stories appear almost immediately in Happy Down Below, which help to break up some of the older information or drive home a point that the author is making.
These anecdotes weren’t enough to keep me enthralled through the confusing first chapter; although, things perked up as Dr. Gralla discussed prostate issues that are often kept in the dark. I was especially struck by the fact that most elderly men will die with prostate cancer that has never been detected or interfered in their lives. The doctor makes pragmatic arguments about when and how to treat prostate issues, and his pragmatic nature plays a large role in his work and this book. For example, there are times when he admits to treating patients suffering from psychological issues about their sexual performance with drugs that have no effect, beneficial or otherwise, to facilitate the placebo effect. This sort of thing seems bizarre to someone raised in litigious America, but I cannot help but give his doctor credence.
This book picks up in the third chapter, which focuses on women’s urology. Dr. Gralla sees few women, but the ones he does see have typically struggled with consistent UTIs. The book continues to pick up traction as Galla writes about infertility and the couples with whom he has worked. This chapter offers insight into the mistakes people make (steaming your penis multiple times daily will not help you conceive) that decrease fertility how often patients misunderstand doctors and instructions. There was a brief tip about how sex closer to ovulation is more likely to conceive a boy child, which I found interesting.
Of course, it only makes sense that a book like this includes information about male contraception, but Dr. Gralla only discusses current options such as condoms and vasectomies. It’s interesting to learn about the efficacy of vasectomy reversal, but it would be nice to know what the future might hold, too.
Dr. Gralla does make some good points as he discusses erectile dysfunction, which has an appearance of being on the rise, especially in young men. But this may not be the truth. It’s perhaps easy to forget about the ways that men struggle, but Dr. Gralla has dealt with patients as young as 14 who wanted to better please their lovers. And while I wouldn’t call sexual curiosity a struggle, it certainly leads to problems that were entertaining enough to read (some complete with hydraulic pliers or bolt cutters).
Gralla does due diligence to various methods for dealing with ED before launching into a chapter on premature ejaculation where he similarly relays solutions. By now, the formula is apparent enough that you get a feel for how the chapter on hormones and testosterone will read; explanatory and interesting with a few entertaining tales and a couple of lackluster moments.
If you’re not sold on the educational merits of Happy Down Below, you might like the final chapter, in which Dr. Gralla discusses things that wound up in the orifices of his patients. Lost dildos, tree boughs, matches, and a bladder full of ball bearings all make an appearance here. This chapter is so bad you can’t look away.. if that’s how you react to that sort of thing. It doesn’t follow the formula of the preceding chapters, which I didn’t mind. Dr. Gralla tackles the subject with humor, so Happy Down Below does end on a lighthearted note.
As I read Happy Down Below, I couldn’t help but detect something a bit old-fashioned about Dr. Gralla., especially in his humor He is noticeably from a generation older than mine, and some of his comments highlight over mindsets or reflect cliches and stereotypes that are no longer readily accepted. This bothered me more toward the beginning of the book, but either I became accustomed to it, or it lessened as the book went on. Likely both.
It’s difficult to say who the target audience of this book is. At some parts in Happy Down Below, Dr. Gralla offers advice to readers who might be struggling with the specific issues he’s encountered during his career. At others, his advice is better targeted at medical practitioners. There were points when I simply enjoyed learning new things the way I do when I read any medical/science book. While I think it’s good for books to have a wide audience, sometimes a niche makes it easier to market or just recommend.
I did it enjoy this book for the most part and felt like I learned quite a bit. It was a quick and easy read even if you don’t.
I wouldn’t use it as an encyclopedia, but it wouldn’t hurt to pick up this book if you like books by doctors/professionals about their careers, want to know more about urological health in laymen’s terms than medical jargon, and want to be prepared for possible future complications with your genitals. Happy Down Below would likely be a good book for many (cis) men to pick up; although, I cannot help but wonder whether they would.
You can buy this book on Amazon. At the time of writing this review, there’s a coupon that will automatically be added to your cart!
I normally don’t post explicit about my “real” life on this blog, but my recent vacation includes some wonderful expressions of sexuality and personality that I wanted to reflect on.
As someone who lives in a small midwestern city, there’s not a lot of sex positivity to be found. Our sex stores are sleazy. I am not sure that you could ask about “body-safe” toys and get a helpful answer. You’re most definitely better off shopping online.
But one of my must-see stops in Seattle was Babeland, where I knew I would finally use gift cards that I’ve had nigh on a decade (and I did, on We-Vibe Touch). The Seattle location isn’t the flagship store, and it was smaller than expected. Still, it was a dream come true for a sex nerd and toy lover like myself (my Facebook check-in read “Dreams do come true!”). I also appreciated the vintage vibrators that had on display.
Snapped a photo of the vintage vibrators at @Babeland_Toys . One word: ouch. pic.twitter.com/kAZCk91pkO
— Adriana (@adriana_r) September 4, 2018
A few blocks down the road sits a bondage shop (Doghouse Leathers) staffed by folks who clearly participate in the leather community. It was not only larger than Babeland but the largest storefront I’ve seen dedicated specifically to BDSM. The smell of leather was heavenly as it washed over me; although, nothing begged me to take it home. Alas.
Both of these stores sit in Capitol Hill, Seattle’s gay neighborhood (is gayborhood too cute here??). It boasted the occasional rainbow crosswalk, and drag queens crossed the street, bedazzled and bejeweled as if it were nothing to bat a perfectly-applied lash at. Capitol Hill was a safe place for anyone who might not be cis or straight, but it also provided a place for anyone to express their sexuality in a positive and inclusive place. It was far for home as I could be, and yet it was more welcoming than I could have imagined.
I could have stayed all day if the walking wasn’t killing my back and feet. I returned to the hostel (Aside: when I mentioned staying in a hostel, one of my friends assumed I meant brothel instead. Chuckles ensued.) with a new sex toy and a feeling as though I had come within inches of my tribe and shared in energy that is only available to me here when I sign on to Twitter. It may sound corny, but I recently discovered Oprah’s “A-ha moment,” which occurs when something resonates with you and your consciousness recognizes it (Oprah’s words, not mine).
I attempted to fill my time on vacation with more things that would strike that cord within myself, but the stars just didn’t aline. I would have loved to attend a burlesque show, go to a sex club, or learn something new at a BDSM class, but time was limited. After having visited a few stores (as well as all of the tourist hotspots, the planetarium, and the cemetery), I felt my energy waning. Perhaps it was for the best that I didn’t try to add anything more to my schedule.
There’s always next time, I suppose, when I am in Seattle. Or Chicago. Or Minneapolis. Or wherever I decide to travel. When a small town girl from the Midwest is able to step out of her comfort zone and into the arms of something bigger, welcoming and somehow familiar despite its exotic status, that can only be found in certain places.
Until then, there’s always here.
This post contains sponsored links. All opinions are my own.
I know that my giveaway ended two weeks ago, but I left for vacation a day later, and I didn’t want to rush picking and notifying the winners, so I waited. It didn’t occur to me when I posted the giveaway that it ended so closely to my vacation or that if I waited, Labor Day would sneak up on us. But there you have it.
The picking process was a bit odd. As I got down to the last few items, it was difficult to ascertain who would really like it — or even qualified based on shipping restrictions. While randomness played a bigger role for the first few winners, the latter ones required a bit more finesse. While I initially thought there would be ten winners, I forgot to take into consideration that some prizes had multiple winners.
So I wound up with 18 winners! Way more than I anticipated. And I was still able to give multiple prizes as a first, second, and third prize, then a number of individuals who won a single prize each.
I have already contacted all of the winners and sponsors. So if you did not receive an email, you, unfortunately, were not a winner. I appreciate everyone who participated and would like to give you a rundown of the numbers before I announce winners.
First, I had 420 participants and nearly 10,000 entries. It was initially over 10,000, but I had to delete some for cheating. I saw very little cheating in the beginning, but once the giveaway hit Reddit, I was invalidating entries and deleting a few entrants every day. This is probably partially due to people who saw only the Gleam form and not the blog post, which further explained some options.
The most used entry options were “What prize do you want?,” following me on Twitter and visiting on Facebook, and visiting sponsors on IG. I find this interesting because the Instagram options were closer to the middle of the entry list than the top, and I personally don’t use it.
Options that required input were less popular. Participants were much more likely to tell me how they found the giveaway than answer a poll about their favorite features or comment on the blog, for example. While I got some consistent replies to my QOTD on Twitter, many people misunderstood that option.
I actually had the fewest entries for the options that meant the most to me, but this giveaway really provided me with a way to better connect with my followers, which is what I wanted. I found myself a bit frustrated at some of the suggestions for Science of Sex topics as most of them were completely unscientific, and a few I had already covered LOL.
II got the fewest responses when I asked y’all to Meme My Cat, but those who did were amazing. Just look at this one:
@adriana_r I'm a Bad Millennial who doesn't really know memes, but the idea intrigued me and I tried. #mememycat #OSALAnniversary pic.twitter.com/8myDm6bQxW
— the kalliopeia (@kalliopeia_I) August 8, 2018
You can see more entries here, here, and here. For some reason, it’s not showing all the entries when you click the hashtags.
This leads me to the last entry type: design your own. I think I stole this idea from Epiphora, but I really wanted to let my readers run free to show me how much they wanted to win and to express themselves.
The winner of this is ClaraSol20, who submitted the AMAZING artwork below. She titled this “Can’t Have Fun Without the Funds.” Click to expand.
ClaraSol was also actively engaged on Twitter and the blog, so I was glad she was the winner!
I rewarded her with four items instead of three:
The rest of the winners were more randomly chosen through Gleam.
The second-place winner is blogger Makeupandsin who won:
Heather was the third-place winner and walked away with
The rest of the winners each one a single item.
If you see your name on this list but haven’t been contacted, you can email me with your shipping address, including name and the name of your prize. Otherwise, I will choose new winners in 72 hours.
Thanks everyone for participating. I can’t wait until next year!
**I am waiting on responses from several winners, so someone else may still be in the running.
I’ve been excited to post this ever since I posted the first one. The blog format works a little better than social media since posts stay on the front page where you can see them longer. Plus, I often come across great content but am not able to immediately share it, so my readers and followers never get that recommendation. I find that knowing I want to recommend media makes me think more critically about what I am watching or reading and how it might apply to my followers, too. Finally, there’s a bit of accountability. If I want to have things to include, I need to make sure I am keeping myself educated.
Reading
I am currently reading The Loving Dominant by John Warren. I’ve had it long enough that I don’t even recall when I bought it. Although, my Amazon history surely knows. I know there’s a more recent edition than mine (second, revised in 2000), and I would recommend that to anyone who might want to check out this book, which tackles both the physical and psychological responsibilities of being dominant. Mine seems a bit dated in ways that I assume the 2008 version wouldn’t.
I don’t normally read as many books about sex as I did last month, but I already have another one to review sitting in front of me, and I am excited about it. Here’s hoping it winds up on next month’s list.
Watching
This month, I finally decided to use my new rope, which means tutorials. Although I didn’t buy Twisted Monk rope (soon!), I headed to their tutorials on Youtube. I especially enjoy how the tutorials show a few modifications for different body types and abilities.
Naomi Wolf and Jim Pfaus talk sex in this Youtube video from a conference at Concordia University. They touch on desire, how the brain responds to sexual cues, the interplay between chemicals and culture, and more. The video was posted in 2013, but it still has useful information if you have time to watch it.
Listening
While last month’s list included a bunch of sex-specific podcasts, I switched things up a bit this month by listening to podcasts that happened to do some amazing episodes about sex, even though the podcast theme isn’t necessarily human sexuality.
First, we have the Gonad series from RadioLab, which includes some episodes that delve into the science of gender and just how complicated it really is. The episodes go far deeper than chromosomes, and I learned a few things that I could not help but share.
Secondly, I started and proceeded to listen to every episode of Science Vs, a podcast hosted by an adorable Australian woman that takes an unbiased look at a variety of topics. I really enjoy the show and am so sad it’s in between seasons. There are episodes about circumcision, the G-spot, birth control, sex addiction, and more. But they’re all worth listening to.
Another podcast by the same company is Reply All, which focuses on Internet-related topics. The podcast episode about the consequences of the FBI’s seizure of Backpage.com is incredibly revealing.
Do you read, watch or listen to anything related to sex this month that you want to share? Sound off in the comments!