
It’s a rainy Labor Day. Not so good for grillin’ out. Just fine for staying inside and playing, whether you’re alone or not. Perhaps shopping. Lucky thing I’ve compiled this handy list of Labor Day Sales.
I’ll add a couple more sales over the course of the day, so keep your eyes open!
Last year, my city began cracking down on prostitution, child porn and other “related” offenses. In the mainstream media, these sort of things get lumped together. As a person who is capable of critical thinking, I have to wonder if this should be the case.
This focus on sex crimes meant a change of some laws, including newly-proposed fines for people caught providing sex for money or soliciting sex workers. Public humiliation in the form of releasing names and photos has also been named as one of the police department’s strategies to fix sex “crimes.”
Intellectually, I understand why the police want to shame people into obeying laws, but I just cannot put my full support behind illegalization of sex work. And I don’t think a person’s name or reputation needs be thrown under the bus for soliciting a sex worker when there are far more serious crimes — crimes that actually hurt people — to be investigating and trying.
In a recent newspaper article, the author discussed a man recently arrested. He had been a school teacher. Before his name had even been made public, he resigned. His career was over, of course. But I can’t help but feel like this is an extreme that a person shouldn’t have to take. After all, he will be fined without having to serve any jail time. Either it’s serious enough for jail time or it’s not — and their names don’t need to be made public.
Perhaps I come at this from a personal point of view. When this effort began last year, the police conducted an online sting. They posed as sex workers and even children/teenagers online to lure people out. Several people did proposition minors and went to meet with them. I have nothing wrong with this sort of sting. One of the men who simply arranged to meet an of-age sex worker. Upon arriving, he was instead met by the police who ushered him to the police station where he stayed overnight because it was a late Friday.
This man was a good friend’s ex/on-again off-again/it’s complicated friends with benefits. Today, he’s been dead for almost a year. He took his life because no only did the police release his name, but a bang-up job by the local media splashed his name among those who solicited a minor for sex. This was not the case, but reports weren’t amended until after his passing.
Despite the fact that the media and police are immediately releasing names without fact checking, this is obviously still enough of a problem that the police are performing major stings almost a year later. Humiliation isn’t a deterrent for people, even if they are otherwise upstanding citizens. According to the police, the type of people who are soliciting sex workers are from all walks of life. These are people who are willing to pay for sex. Nothing more or less.
As a woman, I can think of many worse ways to pay bills. I would rather live in a place where my rights as a human being are protected if I am a sex worker, rather than my name slandered and rights ignored simply because of my line of work. But I don’t live in a place like that because the world is still so far from that. =/
The lovely folks at Good Vibes were kind enough to send over a tin of Smooch Me Lip Lube with my last order. This is not the first time I’ve been able to try a product like that if you recall my review of Babegloss, a liquid lip gloss and lube intended to make your lips softer, tastier and wetter. Babeland has since discontinued the product, which is a shame. I like the taste and the design. I only wish I had used it more. I still have plenty left!
Good Vibe’s take as such a product is a little more, dare I say, generic? It comes in a tin like any homemade lip gloss. Now, this isn’t a deal-breaker, but I do prefer a container that allows me to apply without getting my fingers dirty. So, I sort of just wind up sticking my lips in the tin. It’s weird, I know. Maybe I’m just being lazy.
Anyway, this gloss/lube is available in several flavors, including mint and cinnamon. I got Cherry Vanilla. It’s probably the only scent I would come to close to liking — and I do like it. The gloss is flavored as well as scented; although it’s more artificial flavor than anything else. I wouldn’t expect much more from a product like this. The flavor can help during oral, but Smooch Me is white so it’s not making your pout look anything other than shiny.
The texture also aids in this as an oral tool. It’s softer than many lip balms in a tin, so it definitely feels more like lube. However, it’s still got the slightly-waxy balm feel. Perhaps a little less so given how soft it is. I really like the texture and find myself reaching for it simply to moisturize my lips. But the softness makes it easier to reapply if you’re actually using it as lube and need a little more.
The final product I’d like to discuss is PinkCherry’s lip balm. You can buy it because you love the company or maybe you’ll just throw it in your cart because you’re angling for free shipping. PinkCherry’s lip balm comes in a standard-sized tin. It looks a lot like the option from Good Vibes — but smaller. It’s white, so it’s not going to tint your lips. And, yes, it’s cherry scented. Although, it’s even more artificial than the other products I’ve discussed, and there’s a weird aftertaste that I don’t particularly like. This balm is scented but not flavored.
While Smooch Me is soft and easy to apply, PinkCherry’s lip balm simply isn’t. It’s hard. You either have to dig into the pot with a nail or give it a pretty fierce rub to get it to melt a little. PinkCherry definitely missed the mark here, and I think this simply makes the lip balm seem pretty cheap. I mean, at only $1, it’s not going to change the world, but it’s not doing the brand any favors. Smooch Me costs seven times as much, but you get more of a better product.
To be quite frank, PinkCherry’s balm will probably go into the garbage. Or maybe I’ll do some “science” experiments with a lighter. Because who doesn’t love open flames?!
If you’re looking for a lip product that’s as versatile as these things can be, Smooch Me is your best option. However, you might simply want to opp for flavored lube, instead.
Fun Factory Flora
$90
from Good Vibes
A couple years ago, fun Factory released a line or two or smaller toys. These included Bubbles and the Mini line, of which I reviewed the Ocean. They all boasted the fine craftsmanship of Fun Factory in addition to the company’s bright colors, which we all know and love.
The company has come out with a new bunch of products after the Stronic Eins, and they use the same control setup. I think Fun Factory simply wanted to created some small vibes that use the same control panel type. The company does it periodically. I’ve seen a number of button setups for Fun Factory toys. Remember when FF toys used that unique dial? Yeaaa. They’ve come a long way since then. The original Paul and Paulina wasn’t any better, either.
For a while, the company was creating toys with three buttons. Two were the typically to control the toy while the last worked as a boost, one of the things Fun Factory is known for. However, buttons on the Big Boss and Yooo were much harder to push than they should have been, especially when you have to press two at a time. Fun Factory’s Flora uses the same 3-button setup, but they’re smooth — almost beveled looking — and much easier to push. The control panel no longer lights up when you touch it, which I liked but seemed not to work consistently.
However, a two-button setup would’ve been fine. The third button, which features the Fun Factory logo, simply acts as a master power switch. If you touch one of the other buttons while the toy is off, the third one lights up to let you know to press it. Kind of useless. I also think the + and – buttons should be switched so the – button is toward the bottom of the toy. In fact, they’re printed upside down. The thought is that you’ll look down and it will be right-side-up, but I can’t even see toys because of my short arms, and most toys use the other arrangement.
Flora starts at the last setting you had it on. There are a number of steady vibrating levels. The lowest is the deepest, and the highest definitely tickles my hand uncomfortably. Fun Factory has put better motors in other toys. If you keep pressing the + button, it changes modes.
The modes are different, which makes them interesting especially the last setting. The last one is especially different, but the escalation is redundant.
It seems a little loud — louder than the Siri, for example — for the power output.
Like the Stronic, this one uses a two-contact magnetic charger. The contact points are at the end of the base, which is rounded. I find this to be awkward. If the Flora is sitting on a table, it is tricky to line up the magnet and cable, which will have to bend to stay in position. This makes it waterproof, but I don’t personally require this.
My pink Flora reminds me an awful lot of the Fun Factory Curve. It collects lint, attracts hungry cats and needs a little bit of lube to feel slick.
My biggest peeve with this vibe might simply be that I’m not sure what it’s intended for. With just four inches to insert and a diameter of just over 1 inch, it feels far too small inserted. But it doesn’t need to be this size or generally phallic for external stimulation. I can’t tell if Flora is a stupidly giant pocket rocket or a tiny g-spot vibe. It did neither thing well for me. I do think the ridged design is fun and would be great if this were larger.
At $90, I can name a number of rechargeable internal and clitoral vibes that would be a better deal. The Laya Spot is a better option if you don’t need rechargeable or super strength. We Vibe’s Tango is a much better clitoral vibe. The Lovelife Cuddle is a better g-spot vibe that costs less than $70, too.
Yea, okay. Weird is a subjective term, especially when you’ve purchased a tentacle dildo for a friend as a Christmas gift, and you’ve use multiple glass dildos that look like undersea creatures.
1. Cthulhu
Necronomicox makes the “Myths” dildo, which is everyone’s favorite creature from a horror story. This one’s made of silicone while many strange dildos I’d try are made of questionable latex. His tentacle tail is super adorable. You can get customize the dildo in one, two or three colors. Buy it for $125.
The Xeno art dildo from the same company is creepy and looks like it would feel amazing.
2. The Dragon’s Tongue
Bad Dragon is well know ’round these parts even though I haven’t had a chance to use any of their toys. The dragon’s tongue caught my eye because of the colors and shape. It just seems like it would give me a good time. The exclusive colors for these toys are The company lets you build your own from 4 sizes and 5 different firmnesses. Plus, you can get a fucking art print of the dragon whose dick this is when you order.
This.is.awesome.
Runners up from Bad Dragon include The Tailstretcher and their tentacle with glow-in-the-dark suckers.
3. Avatar
I didn’t like this movie, but I’d put Alien Dildos’ Avatar dildo inside me. The design is relatively human-esque with interesting texture along the shaft, a large contoured head and balls that I could without but won’t hate on because it’s a freakin’ avatar dildo. Props on the bright blue, right?
I also love the Phallus, which I’d order in metallic purple. Alien Dildos makers all of their toys with either Vac-U-lock or suction cup bases.
In fact, I love all of their designs, but most of them are too big for me.
4. Ghost
Whipsider Rubber works is one of those companies that specialized in awesome toys. This company made the tentacle dildo I bought for a friend. Sadly, I’ve never owned any of their toys myself. Despite the name, dildos like the Ghost are made of silicone. Sold in two colors — tombstone and red velvet, they’re after my own heart — this dildo glows in the dark to depict the ribs and claw hands of a creature that I would hate to see on TV but would fuck for hours.
Runner up: the Jellyfish. Gradient colors. A bulbous “head.” Super texture.
5. Cyborg
Fleshlight was definitely trying to turn heads, for better or worse, with its Freaks lineup. There are matching dildos and masturbators. The details on the deep purple Cyborg dildo are enough to make H.R. Geiger jealous. It’s the cheapest on this list by far at under $60.

Fleshlight Freaks Cyborg
The company obviously thought of Avatar when it came to the Alien dildo, which is a marbled blue and wider than it is thick. I actually really want to put it in my mouth.
Honestly, there are some weirder toys, but the ones I want to use please both my sense of aesthetics and sensibility. Dog dick dildos? No thank you. That Obama dildo? It’s soon going to be dated and isn’t very pretty to begin with. Zombie dildos just gross me the fuck out. You cannot screw a zombie. Its dick will fall off, okay? Okay.
So what strange dildos do you have your eye on?