Embrace Beloved Wand

May 28th, 2014

Embrace Beloved Wand
$55.13 from Of Sex and Love Store

I’ve really liked the design of Cal Exotics’ new Embrace line. It’s made of silicone and the designs tend to be sleek and more luxurious than you’re used to when it comes to CEN items. The company now even uses more luxurious packaging, which I’ll have a post about soon.

Many of the toys in the line are also rechargeable, as is the one that I wanted most. I was sent a G-spotter that relies on AAA batteries.

I know. Sigh.

I hate toys that rely on AAA batteries. The vibrations are, without fail, weak and buzzy. The Beloved Wand is no different. Generally, my G-spot still responds, but that wasn’t the case with the vibe, which just had overly-weak vibrations that bugged the hell out of my hand.

The G-wand has 7 different functions and two buttons to use them. The buttons are on a flat panel on the base, which gives the Beloved Wand an interesting design in my opinion. It’s easy to turn on and off. Twist the base off to insert batteries. The Beloved wand uses sort of a gimmicky control setup. Each of the seven functions has seven different intensities. If you turn the vibrator on with the power button, it turns on to the lowest steady setting. The following vibration patterns/modes follow:

  • Medium steady vibes
  • High steady vibes
  • Slow pulse
  • short, short long pulse
  • Escalation
  • Five fast pulses, one long pulse

Pressing the power button once turns the toy back off, but pressing and holding it eventually turns down the vibrations. I’m not a fan of toys that do this. Like, what’s the problem? Start low. Go higher. It’s the natural order of things, folks!

The controls are totally awkward. It’s not always easy to tell when you’re switching between intensities. There’s no tactile feedback. Audible feedback isn’t consistent. I have no idea how to tell the difference between one setting and the next let alone determining when I can stop pressing. If you accidentally just press the power button, the Beloved Wand turns off.  It’s just dumb.

But here’s a positive. CEN is now creating toys of more colors than just pink or purple. This G-wand is also available in a matte grey, which is pretty awesome.

Some people will also like that the Beloved wand has a thicker shaft than many G-spotters. I don’t need girth as I use pressure and stroking to stimulate my G-spot. I don’t need to feel full, just stimulated. The Beloved Wand is thicker than Mona, for example. At 1.5″ at the end of the shaft, this is comparable to some of the larger internal vibes — like the Form 6 G3 — and water-based lube is definitely your friend. However, there is also a more drastic G-spot curve, and you can insert about 5.5 inches rather than both ends. At least, the edges on the base wouldn’t feel very good in my opinion.

It also features a rigid mechanism in the g-spot curve. Despite the plush silicone layer over this, it felt more rigid to me even though it’s silky smooth in my hand. I don’t know if I used this when my cervix/vagina was especially sensitive, but something about the design felt sharp. I actually pulled out the vibrator to see if there were any seams or angles, but there were none. T

he product description says this toy moves with your body but something about it just felt foreign. Like an intrusion. There is movement because the neck of the toy is flexible. You might not like this if you like frantic thrusting, and I know some people do. I don’t, but I think a hard toy all the way through is a little easier to manipulate.

Despite the flaws, this could be a decent vibrator if your anatomy likes it. It’s less than $60; although, you wouldn’t have to spend much more to get a rechargeable vibrators so keep that in mind.

CEN Sexpert

5 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

If #NotAllMen Are “Bad,” Stop Acting Like You Are

May 27th, 2014

I have a problem with the #NotAllMen hashtag and misogynistic assholes. I plan to tackle these issues, perhaps not so succinctly, in this post.

First, #NotAllMen. It’s the trending topic that started when men wanted to point out that not all men are rapists. It’s true, according to numbers. According to numbers, however, it’s also true that most rapists are men and most victims are women.

The problem with #NotAllMen is it always comes across as “but I’m not a rapist.” Congratulations. Do you want a cookie? Not being a rapist isn’t good. It’s neutral. And you don’t get an award for being a human being who doesn’t hurt other human beings. This should be something we expect as society.

It’s the bare minimum you should be when it comes to not subscribing to sexism and rape culture. In fact, you can be “not a rapist” and absolutely be a douchebag.  Men don’t even disagree with this point. After discussing this with a guy friend, he said that he wants to point out that #NotAllMen are rapists or sexist because he isn’t, because he is personally offended to be associated with them. On the one hand, being repulsed by rapists or the idea that someone could think you are one is good. It shows a moral compass. On the other hand, that behavior brings the discussion back around to men. If there’s one thing that human rights advocates and feminists have been fighting to say, it’s not about you, men. It’s not about you. You are not the victim.

It’s also not about men who are victim to predatory women. Yes, this happens. Yes, it’s awful. No, this is not the forum to discuss it. Because that isn’t a result of system-wide hatred and objectification of men — but the idea that a man shouldn’t be so “weak” to become a woman’s victim is a result of misogyny.

And if pointing out that systematic hatred for and objectification of women hurts your feelings, I am okay with it if it also helps put an end to the societal constructs and beliefs that treat women as less than human. Because your hurt feelings don’t even fall on the scale of terror when rape and murder make that scale.  Think big picture. Do your hurt feelings pale in comparison to rape? I can live in a world where men are offended by this means women are safe.

Does defending yourself take attention away from the problem — a system that, at best, leaves women uncomfortable and worried about their safety for their entire lives? A system that, in reality, results in 1 in 8 women being a victim of rape in their lifetime and that fails to enact justice for rapists, some of whom are even able to continually harass their victims until their victims have to change their lives because they live in a world that does not protect them. Women live in a world where we are told to deal with harassment and abuse and then questioned as to what we did to cause it rather than a world that tells men not to harass or abuse women.

But maybe you’re not an abuser or a harasser. You’re a nice guy. At best, you’re #NotAllMen and you treat women as human beings and not objects. You are someone who everyone may describe as a nice guy. However, you’re still not helping to fix the problem. Ignoring the problem is the same as letting the problem persist.

What do I think men can and should do to help defeat rape culture?

  • Don’t advertise that you’re not a rapist. Simply be a decent human being whom others, especially women, can trust. You can build trust by not raping.
  • Don’t make rape/non-consent jokes. Call out inappropriate jokes whether it’s from your peers or a talk show host. Remember, in a room with 8 women, one of them is likely a victim or will be a victim. Your jokes could be triggering them again and again.
  • Skip catcalling women. Forgo objectification in general, whether it’s online, in person or during a discussion with your buddies.  Recognize that women are not there to look good for you. No one owes you that. Measure women on the merits of their character and skills, not their appearance. View women as complete human brings who do not just exist to get you something (sex, popularity, a cup of coffee).
  • Teach your sons not to rape. Do not teach your daughters that a certain aspect of dressing means they are “asking” for rape. Do not “slut shame” women for the way they dress, which has nothing to do with their sexual activity. Ditch the words “slut” and “whore.” You might even do away with “bitch.” On that note, do not judge women who are sexually active or celibate. Whether a woman chooses to have sex or not, she does not deserve to be a victim of harassment or rape.
  • Call out men who describe women who don’t want them as “bitches” or any other negative label. Explain to men that rejection is okay. Not every woman will be interested. This is a part of life. No one is entitled to another person’s affection or body. Let men know that they should leave women be who do not return their interest.
  • Engage in conversations about behavior that may actually contribute to rape culture even if that is not your intent. Let women express themselves without going on the defensive.

Because subtle versions of all these things mean you still subscribe to rape culture and misogynistic views. Even if you’re just mimicking things you’ve heard, you’re contributing to the problem. If you let other people around you do these things, you are actively part of rape culture. I know many men — and even women — who are so immersed in these things that they don’t realize how entrenched it is in society. Just because you don’t see it or even think about it doesn’t mean it’s not there.

The problem is that while most men don’t think about these things, haven’t even considered them, no woman is ever allowed to not think about them. It might not be all men who are a danger to women, but all men need to hear the message until all men are on board and, then, when a woman is victim of violence or harassment, we’ll know it was because of one unwell person. Not a person who was taught these things every day of his life and just treating women in a way that society taught him was acceptable.

8 Comments

Categories: Articles

Magic Wand Original

May 25th, 2014

Magic Wand Original
$69.95 from Maxi Wand

For the rest of this review, I am going to use “Hitachi” because it’s easier to type and my nails are wet and I am annoyed. So, okay.

If you’ve ever seen the movie Blair Witch Project and you were curious whose stupid idea it was to do the handheld camera thing, let me suggest this. The shakeyness was not due to holding it by hand. Rather, the tripod was attached to a Hitachi. The Hitachi may also been the cause of the earthquake that altered the planet’s axis and shortened the day.

This is, to say, the Hitachi is strong. It’s the strongest toy I’ve used. It’s stronger, on its highest setting, than the Miracle Massager. The Inspire. That one terrible rechargeable massager that I used once before tossing it in my swap drawer, which omg-you-guys is getting so full! There’s a reason Hitachi has been around for a million and one years. It comes through where other vibrators don’t.

It’s effective as hell if you’re a power queen. It’s also strong enough to provide real comfort to achey bones and muscles, legitimately. If I place that thing on my clit, I feel it in my spleen. My nipples almost dance because of the strength of the Magic Wand Original.

And original it is! It hasn’t changed in design for many years, although the name and packaging got a revamp. But the design hasn’t changed. It’s clunky. It’s loud. Like a god damned chainsaw. It’s big. It’s not friendly if you’re injured or have arthritis.

Design-wise, Hitachi doesn’t stand out. Perhaps this is because every other wand maker copies them. Don’t break what isn’t broken, right? But I’m not sure that this design isn’t broken. Or maybe I am broken. At the end of the day, I prefer the lighter, curved body of the Miracle Massager. It’s weaker, but I really only use the Hitachi on low (more on that soon, I promise!). They both have springy heads, but I find the weird round and spongey head on the Hitachi to be lackluster. Miracle Massager has this edge that I grind into my clint/pubic bone. Hitachi’s head is too round, and I don’t get the pressure I like. Inspire has an almost completely round head, but it’s smaller, so I can really jam it up there between my labia. Is that a weird way to describe it? I don’t think I care.

Maybe I would like it better with an attachment. I’m sure I’d squirt like hell all over with the g-spot accessory, but I already have G-spot toys that are pretty good at that and are far less cumbersome.

Okay, so the shape isn’t to my liking but maybe that would be okay if the Hitachi knocks my socks off? And I would be lying if I said it wasn’t strong enough. In fact, it’s too strong, like I alluded to earlier. I only ever use it on the lower setting, which I prefer because the vibrations are deeper here. It’s not like the high setting is buzzy, but I just like really rumbly vibrations.

But the problem with a vibrator so strong is that it detracts from what I am feeling. It’s overwhelming. It feels and sounds.. too much. I wind up pulling away when I am about to orgasm because I guess my orgasms are hard work — even with the Hitachi — and not very strong. I like to feel my muscles contracting and the Hitachi is just too much of an attention hog. I literally wind up turning it off, but this makes it a little disappointing.

I’m well aware that my issues with the Hitachi are some of my own, but I think most people are looking for the right balance between shape, strength, effectiveness, and noise. The Hitachi just doesn’t do it for me.

8 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Icicles No. 52

May 20th, 2014

This is an archived review. Babeland no longer sells the Octopussy dildo. Furthermore, I have had a Pipedream dildo break because it is a lower quality glass.

I strongly recommend reading Lilly’s guide to glass sex toy safety before making any glass dildo purchases!

icicles no 52

My last experience with an Icicles dildo didn’t turn out so well because it fucking broke. In fact, my first was pretty lackluster, and I wound up trading it away so maybe it was a little risky for me to try another one. However, I thought the elongated tentacle design of this dildo would better fit me than any of the Icicles dildos I’ve tried thus far. I was right.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that this dildo is shaping up, literally, to be one of the better G-spot dildos I’ve ever owned (aside from Pipedream’s shitty glass). I know that it won’t be fantastic for everyone. If you need that drastic curve, then you might try Fun Factory’s Curve or the Pure Wand, which most people love for its curve. In fact, I found it difficult to find reviews of dildos with intense G-spot curves on Of Sex and Love. I just don’t like them! I’ve tried more G-spot vibrators that hit the spot, that’s for sure.

So this glass dildo head a curve, but it’s less intense. There’s also a bulb. I personally find that the shape perfectly cups my pubic bone and reached my G-spot with ease. It provided perfect stroking and while I don’t have trouble with squirting, it was so easy with Icicles No. 52. The gentle curving really made it easy to use even if it wasn’t necessarily the most filling toy I’ve ever used.

This is a fairly long and narrow  dildo at 7 1/4 inches long. You can technically insert most of it if you’d like. Although, I don’t think you’d want to. Toward the center of the shaft, the diameter is 1 1/4 inches wide. It’s not a very intimidating toy in my opinion, and I use just a dab of lube with it. You may not need any if you’re already warmed up. The bulb on the head is smaller than that, however. You can insert under 1″ thick if you don’t insert the dildo very far, and I found that I didn’t need to.

The glass provides rigid stimulation if you like it that way. The design is lighter than metal of a similar style but heavier than wood. There’s also texture on the shaft that is reminiscent of a tentacle. It’s engraved rather than ridges so you might not notice it as much. The sides of the shaft, which flattens out a bit, are smooth. So is the other end, which is an open loop that servers as a handle. Maneuvering this dildo is easy, even if your hands are full of lube.

Like all glass, it’s nonporous. You can clean it in a million ways. It’ll warm up against your body and in warm water. You can cool it down, too.

Icicles toys come in foam inserts in thin cardboard boxes. There’s no storage bag so you may want to invest in one if you’d like to protect it. I have enough fabric storage in my drawer that I can rest a glass toy in there without worries. A towel will also do the trick.

8 Comments

Categories: Dildos, Reviews

Pjur Med Clean Fleece Moist Towelettes

May 18th, 2014

Pjur Med Clean Fleece Moist Towelettes
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. You can still buy Pjur Med Clean Spray, however.

I’ve had a bottle of Pjur Med-Clean Spray for some time. I don’t use it as much as I should simply because it keeps winding up in my spare toy drawer. However, I was always super impressed that it wasn’t your run-of-the-mill toy cleaner. It’s gentle enough to clean your toys and leave on if you don’t have physical dirt to remove. I recommended still rinsing your toys if that was the case in my review of the spray. However, it’s tough on bacteria an germs. Pjur’s cleansing products are designed to help combat bacteria, fungi and viruses, and I don’t know anyone who is a fan of those things. Especially when you consider how long HPV can stick around on your toys — even the porous ones!

The product description uses the phrase “ an intensive antimicrobial effect against bacteria, fungal infections, and viruses such as Hepatitis B and HIV.” I remember reading this years ago. This has always stuck with me, but I never got around to trying or buying the wipes, which are formulated more for your body rather than your toys. The wipes aren’t different than others I’ve tried in use. Open the package, remove a wet wipe. Wipe down toys or yourself. They are unscented, but there is a slight “clean scent.” It fades quickly. I sometimes reach for the wipes when I want to freshen up without a shower. They do that, and the smell doesn’t linger in a way that would put me off from oral sex.

I know that Doc Johnson is making products to freshen up specifically for oral sex, but these are more versatile, and they’re a better value, too. The Oralove lign isn’t readily available. A 5-pack of those wipes costs between $5 and $8 while Pjur’s wipes come in a 25-pack for just under $12 from SheVibe.  They’re obviously a better deal and that isn’t even factoring in the fact that these wipes may possibly help inhibit the spread of STIs or bacterial infections, and we all know that I am not a fan of those. Because of this, I would even recommend using wipes after sex to help lower the risk of UTIs if you tend to be prone to them.

I’ve experienced exactly zero reaction from using these wipes. They’re intended to be safe for sensitive and even irrited skin, which is important when I run out of Aftershave Oil. The ingredients list is as follows:

  • Purified Water
  • Phenoxyethanol,
  • Cocamidopropyl Betaine
  • Chlorhexidine Digluconate
  • PEG-7
  • Glycerol
  • Cocoate
  • Dimethicone Copolyol
  • Neohesperidine dihydrochalcone
  • Sorbitol

These are exactly the same ingredients as the spay, so you could probably mix the spray with some soft towels of your own to make wipes like this to be honest. I’m a little lazy (and sloppy!), but that might be more cost-effective. If you don’t experience irritation from the spray, then you’ll be good with the wipes and vice versa.

I do rather enjoy the quality of these wipes, though. They’re soft but not linty. They don’t easily tear like some of the cheaper wipes I’ve used. It may sound silly, but you really get what you pay for when it comes to these things. Some store brands are fucking terrible.

Now that I’ve been reminded how much I like these products, I will quickly use

2 Comments

Categories: Non-Sex Toys, Reviews, Sexual Health and Beauty

I Haven’t Used a Condom in 8 Years

May 16th, 2014

Condoms in a rowThis was a post that I thought of not too long ago. It struck me that most single people use condoms as both birth control and to protect against sexually transmitted infections, but my case is a little different.

It’s been over eight years since I last used a condom. In fact, the only person I’ve ever used a condom with was my ex-husband. However, shortly after moving to Japan to live with him on a military base, I got my first IUD. I kept that in longer than the FDA-recommended 5 years in the US. Mirena is rated for 7 years overseas, and I wasn’t sexually active for several years after my divorce.

My first sexual experience occurred in early 2013, and by that time, I was using my second IUD. I hadn’t had it in very long — maybe 6 weeks — and I can honestly say that I should have used a condom with this new partner, but I didn’t. I did, however, wind up taking Plan B and making an extra appointment at Family Planning. Everything was fine.

Since then, I’ve had only one partner, the bartender, and we’ve never used condoms. I don’t mind condoms as a whole, but I never wanted to use them with him. I wanted — and continue to want — to feel him. He asked about condoms the first time we had sex, but I set a precedent that we follow more than a year later.

In all, I haven’t used condoms in almost a decade. I’ve handled them only to stuff a Halloween pumpkin pinata full of alcohol, condoms and booze. There are a hanful floating around my bedroom thanks to sex toy retailers that send condoms and lube samples with their packages. If I need a condom, I know where to go.

However, they’re just not part of my sex life in a natural way. I don’t carry condoms in my purse. Nor do I have them in my pocket or make sure to grab them when I think that I might have sex. Indeed, I no longer think about condoms with lubes or bumps or ridges. I don’t care about condoms that heat up or cool down or are made of mesh. To be honest, I wouldn’t necessarily mind that. I didn’t dislike condoms as much as I do silicone lube, which seems to create a far greater barrier between me and my partners.

The bartender loves — and I cannot emphasize this enough — loves cumming in me.  I haven’t been able to get him to cum in my mouth because he loves orgasm during penetration so much. It’s almost amusing that he doesn’t want to deviate from that. It’s endearing; although, condoms certainly do make for a less messy sexual experience. But that alone isn’t enough to justify the cost of condoms when I have another, better method of birth control.

For many people, condoms are the answer, but I am not one of those people, at least, not at this point in my life.

1 Comment

Categories: Everything Else

Make love to your long distance lover online

Flying High: Sexy Stories from the Mile High Club [Review + Giveaway]

May 6th, 2014

Flying High
$15.95 from Amazon

Now, I’m not a member of the mile high club, but I think there’s something to be said for having sex on airplanes. Otherwise, why would so many people fantasize about it? I imagine it has something to do with being able to have sex with so many people around and not having them notice or, if it’s your thing, because you want them to notice. Perhaps the challenge of having sex in such a small place only makes the adrenaline run faster. Some people might rely on the release and reward of sex to calm their flying nerves or pass the time, which certainly seems to crawl by when you’re 30,000 feet above sea level with nothing but clouds out your window.

However, writing about sex on airplanes certainly presents another challenge. How do you make your story stand apart from those written by others? Indeed, I imagine that Rachel Kramer Bussel saw many similar themes, but the editor at Cleis Press was able to pull together enough stories to create an anthology that remains interesting and less than redundant. Although, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend reading the book in one sitting as it could become rather mundane.

Flying High does a good job of providing us with situations — strangers meeting on an airplane for sex, cybersex on airplanes, voyeurism, masturbation airlines and more — to keep things interesting. Many of the authors have added fantasy elements, which keep the stories in the book from being more of the same.

Like I said, I understand why sex on an airplane is appealing to some even though it’s not number one on my list of sexual acts to do. So I was pleasantly surprised when I opened the pages of this book and began enjoying it right off the bat. In fact the first story by Bill Kte’pe, one in which two couples who met online have arranged for a sexual rendezvous in the sky, is one of the most memorable of the book. It helps the book take flight without a hitch. The surprise ending adds to the story in my opinion, but I won’t spoil it for you.

Like any anthology, not every story in Flying High was for more. I skipped over one or two completely. In some cases, the airplane is really almost inconsequential. In stories like “Top Banana,” being on an airplane and one operated by a specific airline creates a recurring theme. In that particular story, Craig Sorensen relies on the theme to craft an interesting story and colorful visuals with an ending that I didn’t quite see coming — no pun intended.

The style and skill of the authors in Flying High varies as much as the particular plots of the stories. Some were simply not to my liking, and others seemed a little inexperienced or lacking the subtlety that I think makes a good story. However, they all brought something different to the table. Flying High might not be a book that you reach for constantly, but it’s worth checking out if you have a thing for the mile high club, especially if you’re not quite bold enough to go there yourself.

 

54 Comments

Categories: Books, Reviews

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.