Lelo Tiani 2

July 7th, 2012

Lelo Tiania 2

Lelo Tiania 2
from

You can now purchase the Tiani 3.

I’m not sure what took me so long to get this review out. Perhaps it’s because I hate repeating myself, and I’ve already reviewed the original Tiani. So what you need to know is that this is the same vibrator, plus power, a second attachment. There are a few minor tweaks, but the Tiani is mostly the same toy. If you hated it before, you probably won’t love it this go around. If you wished the vibrations were deeper, they’re still not, and if you think the whole idea is stupid, well, it’s still the same idea. But here’s what I do like about the Tiani 2:

  • It’s stronger. The PR material says 55% stronger, but I think it’s more. The vibrations are still surface level, but it takes my body a little longer to become “immune.” I can actually tell the thing is on.
  • The second attachment works much better for my anatomy. The other one is slightly bulbous toward the end, where this one is a little more flat and concave. Ultimately, it feels like it’s cupping my G-spot more, and while this toy isn’t necessarily intended for thrusting, it works better this way… for me. I was actual to squirt pretty easily.
  • The flatter attachment might also be easier, if you’re having trouble with penis or toy insertion while using the Tiani 2, too. (Tutu, hehe).
  • You don’t need the remote for this one. If you’re just playing by yourself, you can press the button on the Tiani itself to go through the settings. You have more control with the remote, which is still something of a gimmick IMO, but this is a nice option.

SenseMotion is novel but not practical in the least. Thank god Lelo still allows you to use the remote normally but there’s two super weird settings you have to pass first. For starters, the first mode relies on the position of the remote. Flip it vertically to raise vibrations, back down to lower them. The controller itself vibrates to offer feedback to the user. That’s kind of a neat idea but also means the controller makes noise so that limits where and when you might be able to use the SenseMotion toys, in my opinion. In the first mode, a back and forth movement simulates pulsation. Well, sort of. There’s this bit delay of between movement and the vibration in the Tiani and it’s hard to get a good rhythm going.

The second mode, which you can activate by pressing the middle of three buttons, simply requires you to move the controller faster to increase the intensity of the vibrations. This means, that if you want to use the vibrations at the highest setting, you need to shake it pretty good.. which also works against it being inconspicuous as so many wireless vibrators aim to be. It’s also tiring and annoying.

The third mode is one where you simply press the + arrow to increase vibrations and the – arrow to decrease. It’s the one I like the most because it makes sense and doesn’t require too much concentration. I wish the controller turned onto this mode instead. There are eight settings, including pulsation and escalation and I swear the controller is more powerful than the Tiani itself.

  • You can control two Tianis with a single remote. This is a really interesting feature, and I think I need to have a threesome now, okay? However, I don’t really have the opportunity to fully explore the improvements with the range and such.

However, I think Lelo has overestimated the “two attachments” thing. It’s really the main one and another. “One extra” would sound more appropriate to me. Additionally, there’s still a couple of annoying things:

  • Tiani’s remote requires batteries. I found them in the box this time, though. So yay..?
  • The cover is finicky and requires a little key to open it. I chipped the paint off mine because the cover is cheap. Seriously, guys, cheap. Cheap. CHEAP! I feel like I’m going to break it by just looking at it.
  • Tiani 2 still comes with too much junk. I’m so over the fancy sex toy boxes, guys. Give me some cardboard and let me toss it, mmkay?

So, what do I say? Yay or nay? I still like the WeVibe better, but if you need something less powerful or if you’re heart’s set on this Lelo toy, definitely get the Tiani 2 over the original.

You’re welcome.

3 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

5 Things I Don’t Need to See in Your Dating Profile Pictures

July 6th, 2012

1. Fish

I get it. We’re in Wisconsin. Fishing is big, and maybe you like the outdoors. I’m glad you like it, even though it’s not my thing, but how do you think it sells you on a dating website?

2. A picture of your boat, 4-wheeler, snowmobile or tractor.. without you.

People on PlentyofFish seem to do this more than any other site. Hey dude, I want to know if you’re good looking or possibly fun. I’d rather see you on that piece of machinery or fixing it or.. catching a freakin’ fish wish it. It ads absolutely zero value to your profile.

3. More than one picture of you and your car.

I can tell exactly how much of an asshole you are by your car. C’mon, try me. What’s more, anyone who takes pictures with his cars is 99% guaranteed to be more of an asshole than I’ll date. Multiple pictures moves that up to 100%.

Bad Photoshopping

4. Bad Photoshop erasing of the ex.

Exes, we all have them. It sucks, right? Maybe you took some good pictures together, but these don’t need to be on your profile. Lie and tell me she’s your sister. Don’t do the world’s shittiest editing to scratch her out like some creepy stalker. Don’t physically rip the photo and scan it. Don’t black out her eyes. If you don’t have any other good photo of you, make one. This is what you do, guys: call your buddy, your sister, your mom, anyone who is willing to take some photos. Put on your best shirt, find a nice outdoor spot and take some God damned pictures until you look good.

5. Anything that makes you look like an alcoholic

Again, this is Wisconsin. Our beer is cheap and there are only two people who don’t like it, yours truly included. I don’t care if you like to drink or go out (actually, I do. We’d have incompatible lifestyles), and I’ve seen a lot of fun pictures where people were obviously enjoying themselves at night, on the town, but here’s a few suggestions to make sure your drinkin’ pics are safe:

  • For every drinking pic, put up two without alcohol
  • Don’t post any picture drunk
  • Don’t post any picture where you’re wearing something intended to drink beer
  • Only one beer in the hand at any time
  • Clear away all the empty bottles
  • Don’t take pictures of empty beer bottle collections
  • I don’t want to see what your friends did after you got that drunk
  • Keep your damned clothes on

 

Runners Up

  • Abs — because nothing says “I have no interests” like having a six-pack
  • Pics of you with other girls hanging all over you. If you were that hot, why are you so single, dude?
  • Pictures of you mid-chew. Swallow, guy.

 

What turns you off when browsing dating website photos?

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Categories: Articles

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Back and Forth

June 29th, 2012

Soft.

Her thighs were so soft and porcelain pale as he knelt behind her. The soft flesh of her thighs pressed back against the tense muscles of his own, and he could easily feel the difference. His fingers dug into her flesh. He couldn’t see, but he could imagine, the marks they would leave after all was said and done.

Like her thighs, her lips were soft against his own body, his erection. He pushed the head against her soft folds and curves. More than soft. Warm. Wet. Perfect. His fingers clenched into her soft thighs and the moan that escaped his own soft mouth was harsh as the softness enveloped him.

Hard

He was hard, so hard inside of her. The erect penis, she thought, wasn’t truly hard in the sense of the word. It wasn’t rigid. The skin was still soft, so soft, and warm, but it sheathed the stiffness of his erection as he entered from behind. It was the perfect hardness, anyway, to find her G-spot, to stroke it with the right amount of intensity. Not too much. Not too long that the hardness would make her cry out in pain as he thrusted. No accidental violence to her cervix. His cock was perfectly hard.

So, too, was his body behind her. While hers has none-too-gentle curves, his had naturally defined muscles. She cool feel his abs, above the base of his cock, hard as he strained. His hips, his pelvis were just as hard, the bones sometimes pressing into the milky white flesh of her bottom as he pulled her back against him or pushed himself ever further into her. It was hard to make their bodies one.

Soft

Her breasts were so soft, as white as the rest of her flesh. Gravity pulled them down, rounded orbs with hardened nipples, the likeness of a fresh raspberry. His hands moved from one soft part to another. He anchored himself by reaching forward and cupping her breasts in his hand. Still, he thrusted into her impossible warmth and softness. He didn’t know how such perfection could exist anywhere. She was soft everywhere, perfectly.

Hard

Her arms were tense, one holding the weight of her body, while the other reached between her legs. He was thrusting harder, now, and she she was playing her clit like a fine-tuned instrument. There was no delicate violin, this was like a drum. She needed rhythm and pressure. She pushed hard–until it hurt. The muscles in her arm felt like rocks and lead, both. She was almost there. Almost. Almost. There! Her hips shook aggressively, muscles deep within tensing and contracting unmistakable, grasping the hardness of his cock within her. Jaw locked, she mimicked his own harsh sounds of earlier.

The hard spasms of her orgasm, toned muscles pulling the very life from him. It was so hard so hold back, until he just couldn’t any longer. His tension mounted, and then his body shook, hard, as he responded with his own contractions, his body conversing with hers in a way over which he had no control. His cum cascading in its own violent way. His upper body collapsed against hers, hard.

They both breathed raggedly, too hard for comfort.

Soft

His cock, now soft, remained nestled against her. Legs entwined, tension dissipated. Nothing as frenzied as mere moments before. Everything soft.

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Categories: Stories

Smooth Lover

June 26th, 2012

Smooth Lover

Smooth Lover

This toy has been discontinued.

The Smooth Lover dildo from MyPleasure is actually one that I’d had my eye on for a long time. I mean, it’s just so pretty, but it doesn’t look like it’d do anything for me. For a while, no dildo did, and my luck is inconsistent even today. I took the plunge and asked to review it this month, and I’m, torn. On one hand., it’s a pretty, pink, silicone dildo and I kind of want to stick it to my wall–you can do that with the suction cup base–and look at it all day. On the other hand, I never want to use it again.

So, this dildo isn’t actually smooth. There are embossed swirls and such on it, which is exactly what gives its the pretty appearance. The silicone at the base spreads and thins out to create the suction cup, and there’s a slightly contoured head that had a ridge of silicone around it. Under the head, at the frenulum area, is this little nub of silicone. It’s kinda cute, but also sort of weird. You can imagine this is intended to stimulate the g-spot because the dildo is perfect straight otherwise. It feels interesting to begin with. Even though the dildo isn’t smooth, the scrollwork can’t be felt internally. Most people have mentioned that. However, the nub can. At first, I liked it and then it very quickly started to irritate the inner wall of my vagina, so I stopped playing with it.

I think I prefer my vibrators straighter and my dildos curved. I don’t like to stroke as much as I like to clench around a dildo. It was also a little awkward to hold this one. I wound up sort of pinching the base, because it’s only 6″ long, and there’s not a lot of room to grip it down there. I constantly felt as though it was going to slip out of my hand. I was pretty surprised by the firmness, or lack thereof. I think everyone who’s ever written a review for this toy has come to a different conclusion. The core is definitely firm, but it’s softer toward the base, and you can bend it a bit. It’s still not the best for g-spotting, in my opinion. Neither is the base wide enough for strap-on usage.

So, the chance to review this dildo pretty much confirmed my fears. Yes, it’s pretty. Yes, the suction cup works really well. It’s also annoying. There are two very visible seams. It’s awkwardly shaped for both g-spotting and holding. It’s definitely one of those “maybe they’ll be distracted by its looks” type of deals.

4 Comments

Categories: Dildos, Reviews

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Cici

June 25th, 2012

Cici

Cici
$31.89 from Store.OfSexAndLove.com

I was pleasantly surprised by Cici. Its design evokes Tantus’ silicone dildos, but it’s pretty small. For some reason, I forgot that I love small toys. I don’t know what’s up with that. So, I think you can guess that I actually found Cici pretty effective, despite the fact that it’s only a little over 5″ long and 1.5″ in diameter. In fact, I’d say it probably feels smaller than that, probably because the width is about the same all the way through. There’s a slightly contoured head, but it’s not so extreme that you have to work your way up to it. There’s no major tapering or growth in size. I tried this after the horribly rigid Vanity vr 4.5, though, so that probably affected my perfection.

One thing I noticed right away is that the gentle G-spot curve makes this thing fall over. It may be silly, but I like toys that can stand up on end. Blush could improve Cici, maybe, by using a suction cup base instead. Otherwise, the base provides a steady place to hold this dildo, and it always works for strap-ons; although, Cici doesn’t come with one.

The silicone is definitely firm for you to be able to control where this dildo is going. I’m not a huge fan of dildos that are so soft that I have trouble inserting them. In fact, once I lubed this up a bit, the head quickly pressed against my G-spot, and I was able to squirt within seconds. There’s a tiny bit of give if you squeeze this dildo in your hand, but the core is firm enough for thrusting or simply holding in place. It wasn’t so firm that it molested my cervix, however. This is good news, because it was feeling especially sensitive the first night I tried it. Sometimes I just need something small and a little soft, and Cici fit the bill.

So, I’m not quite gushing about this dildo, because I do like the feel of the softer silicone better. However, it did make me gush. The silicone is slightly more shiny than velvety. The manufacturer calls it satin–whatever that means. The material is best used with water-based lube, of course, but you don’t have to worry about phthalates. You can even bleach or boil it to clean it well enough to swap between partners or holes, which is one of the pluses of silicone. Unfortunately, Cici will collect lint just as well as any of your other silicone toys, and this one only comes in a plastic box that you’ll probably throw away. A storage bag would be a nice option, in my opinion.

I would recommend Cici to anyone looking for an affordable G-spot dildo. If you’re not sure this type of stimulation will work for you, you don’t need to spend much on the Cici. You could even get two or three of them for the price of any G-spot vibrator.

3 Comments

Categories: Dildos, Reviews

Vanity by Jopen – Vr4.5

June 23rd, 2012

Vanity by Jopen - Vr4.5
from

I am just not having much luck with the Jopen vibes, but I really want to. The most recent round that the company released use the .5 naming. That is, version 4.5, 5.5, et cetera. It’s kind of cute but also kind of confusing because it doesn’t seem like the 4.5, which I received, is actually halfway between versions 4 and VR5, and that’s exactly what I’d expect that sort of nomenclature to denote. Whatever.

So, the 4.5 is the most different from the Jopen toys I’ve tried before. It’s a rabbit-style vibrator, but both the clitoral attachment and the 5″ shaft are quite flexible, which might be good if you tried a similar vibrator–Lelo’s Ina comes to mind–but the design pressed too hard against you. Additionally, the clitoral arm isn’t just a rounded nut, but it has a little extension of silicone that vibrates wildly back and forth when the motor is on, like the rabbit ears of olden days. I always preferred pressing the actual bullet of rabbit vibes against my clit, but others enjoy this lighter, tickly sensation, so the 4.5 brings it back.

The vr 4.5 does many things the same. For example, each part has its own motor, and the two buttons let you operate them independently of one another. You press and hold the buttons to increase the steady vibrations, and a single click turns them back off. It’s a style that feels intuitive and that I like, but because it’s so uncommon, I always have to adjust to it again. The vibrations are damned powerful, even if I didn’t charge the thing the whole way. The silicone is velvety, and the whole thing is rechargeable. The design is intended to be water-resistant.

Like the other Jopen toys I tried, the shaft is very thin near the base but becomes this big bulbous thing at the end. It’s not huge. The diameter is only 1.5″ at the widest, but the way it grows, coupled with the rigidity, means a very painful experience for me. This is nothing new. I have a rather pronounced pubic bone, I think, but it sucks nonetheless. The vibrator and my bones keep fighting for space that just doesn’t exist! Although there is a slightly squishy silicone cover over the shaft, the interior is dead rigid, and this just isn’t the toy for my anatomy.

However, insertion is probably more uncomfortable when you factor in just how flexible the base of the shaft is. The toy doesn’t want to slide in; it keeps bending this way and that. So I applied lube –water-based only with these silicone vibes–and more and more and more.. and it just wasn’t working. The flexibility sounds good on paper but doesn’t work well in practice.

I could just repeat that last sentence for the clitoral stimulator. I find it to be really awkward. While the Vr 4 had an overly-short clit stimulator, this one seems too long. I mean, it’s over half the length of the shaft itself, so it just bunches up awkwardly against my fleshly vulva, and neither the bulbous vibrator nor the soft tickler makes contact where it should. The Vr4.5 is just not meant for my body, it would seem. I’m thinking maybe the Vr3 or 7 are my best bets at this point.

The Vr4.5 is also purple. I don’t mind the purple, but I’m a little sick of it. I think the sheen of this would look great in blue. This vibe comes in a minimal box that’s easy to recycle, and there’s a drawstring bag for storage, along with the wall charger. The bags are so big that they’re unwieldy, in my opinion, but others like them.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

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Cutey Wand

June 22nd, 2012

Cutey Wand

Cutey Wand
from

This is an archived review of a discontinued item.

I don’t own very many wands. There used to be, like, two: the Hitachi and the Hitachi knockoff. Now, there’s a lot. There are luxury ones, rechargeable wands, and mini options, like the Cutey Wand. So, the Cutey Wand. It’s tiny and got little jewels on the end. I’ll give it cute. I’ll give it wand-shaped. The naming isn’t spectacular by any means, but it’s not quite as annoying as we’ve all seen.

When I say tiny, I mean slightly longer than my finger. This is a pretty travel-friendly toy, if you only consider size. The dial base isn’t the easiest to accidentally turn on while sitting in your purse, but there’s no lock feature. Like the larger cousins, the Cutey Wand has a flexible head. It’s extremely flexible, in fact. You might not like this if you like a lot of pressure, which I do.

The head has a soft silicone casing with ridges along the side. I have to be honest, I’m not sure what the ridges are supposed to do. They’re visually interesting.. sort of, but they don’t add anything. I’m more likely to use the very top of the head or maybe the top edge. The head doesn’t have as much of a surface area as a larger wand, but I’m probably going to hold it in place rather than move it so I can feel the texture. It’s also potentially a place for you to miss when cleaning the wand, which is a bit frustrating.

However, cleaning is much easier because the Cutey Wand is water-resistant. You don’t want to try to drown it, but you can breathe easy that you’re not going to break it if you rinse off some gunk under the faucet. This is thanks to the O-ring at the end of the battery compartment, which easily screws on.

And those batteries? They’re six watch batteries. If they fall out, it’s really a hassle to get them back in there. You might consider just throwing it away once you use up the batteries, because it’s such a pain. Because the wand uses tiny watch batteries that won’t last forever, I can see this being the type of vibe that winds up in the bottom of some drawer after you use up the included batteries. It’s probably not a good selling point, but it’s true.

Those six batteries take up enough space that Blush Novelties could’ve just used a single AAA or AA. That would probably offer more power. The vibrations are advertised as powerful, but they’re quite buzzy. The few extra batteries are an improvement over those tiny bullets, but there’s not enough variation between the lower and highest settings. Of course, this one doesn’t have any pulsation or other settings, which is fine by me. I usually find them forgettable.

So, aside from size, I’m not really floored by the Cutey wand. At the very least, I want something stronger, and even if I were okay with the vibrations, the sheer number of required batteries is ridiculous. I mean, you have to buy two three-packs every time your vibrator dies. That’s not cool, man, not cool.

11 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

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