Red Velvet and Absinthe

January 12th, 2012

After a while, erotica starts to look a lot alike. There are so many collections I have that.. I do not care anything about. There’s maybe three that really stand out and Red Velvet and Absinthe is one of those. I mean, the idea of paranormal erotica is pretty cool and I expected werewolves and vampires — which I got — but some of the more ghostly and unusual ideas were really memorable.

So, of course, werewolves and vampires are heavy in this book. The first few stories I read were only about werewolves. I wasn’t reading them in order so it almost seemed as though the editor has purposefully shied away from vampires because, you know, Twilight sucks.. There are also some vampire stories, including one with a lesbian slant. Ghosts make their appearance in this book and there’s one extremely interesting voodoo doll story. All in all, if you like the paranormal or are turned on by the unusual, I can’t recommend this enough.

My favorites include Dolly with the aforementioned voodoo doll, in which a young woman makes her doll and with it brings to life a person/creature and begins a sexual and romantic relationship that ends with an interestingly sweet twist. Anna Meadows paints a picture worth a thousand years in her story Painted about a young man’s fixation with a painting of an alluring woman. I could practically feel the walls shaking as I read through a thunderstorm scene. La Belle Morte is not a story with a happy ending for the protagonist, a young woman who is on death row, but the author somehow manages to cause the reader to forget the fact as the woman escapes into sexual fantasies with a strange visitor. An angel even makes an appearance in the very last story, Benediction.

There’s a few caveats, though, and I suspect these issues won’t be problematic for everyone. The focus here is on quality writing and story-telling rather than erotic happenings so if you’re the “want it now” type, you might find some of these to take too long to get to the good stuff or don’t spend enough time on it. I did skip a few longer stories because I usually prefer them short. With that said, I also went back to read stories that I’d skipped when I wasn’t trying to get off because I found the material to be interesting. People who don’t necessarily read erotica to get off will probably like the caliber of the writing in this book.

Secondly, Red Velvet and Absinthe focuses on romance. The sex is either between committed partners or implies commitment despite the paranormal circumstances in a til-death-do-us-part-and-sometimes-not-even-then sort of way. One night stands aren’t really part of the repertoire. Still, the romance is done in a dark and Gothic sort of way, with vampires turning their beloveds so that they can spend eternity together or one story which takes place in a prison cell. Danger is common-place as mere mortals dally with werewolves and other beastly creatures. It’s quite thrilling.

Really, that’s why I found myself both getting off and continuing to read just to see what happens next. That’s pretty high praise and I can say, without doubt, I’d love to reread the stories in this book.

8 Comments


Leaf Fresh

January 4th, 2012

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

If you haven’t heard of BMS’s new line of vibrators under the Leaf moniker, then I’ll assume you were either dead or in a cave for several months. The folks over there graciously asked me if I’d review a Leaf vibrator, and I said “yes.” Although I’m not usually a big fan of the color green, it certainly evoked the idea of being eco-friendly in my mind, and it was refreshing. The Fresh wasn’t my first choice in vibrators.

When I got the Fresh, however, I changed my tune. The palm-sized vibrator is shaped similar to a stylized heart, with two rounds on top and a vertex at the bottom. The single push button rests on one of the top rounds while the other, as well as the point on the bottom, provide two different options for contact.

What really piqued my interest, though, was how strong the vibrator was when I opened the box. The manual says that you should charge it first but mine was already charged so I was able to see both how strong and intuitive it is to use. The button is similar to the Jopen vibes. Press and hold to increase vibrations. Push one to turn it off. There’s only one button because Fresh only offers steady vibrations. It’s definitely something I could get used to and the button is both slightly raised and lights up so that you can find it easily.

When I first turned the Fresh all the way up, I couldn’t handle it in my hand. I was definitely impressed with the strength and had to start over, gradually increasing it so that I could handle it. With that said, while the vibrations started moderately deep, the higher settings were definitely buzzy. Fresh covers various depths and strengths, so I imagine many people would enjoy it, unless you need Hitachi-strength and depth vibes.

Unfortunately, when I was in use, the vibrations started out nicely, but I quickly became “immune” to them. They felt far more surface-level against my clit than they did against my hand, and that turned from what I expected to be a quick orgasm to one that needed more effort from my hand and outside help via some awesome erotica. I was really surprised that this was the case because of my initial experience with the vibrator. After I stopped playing, my entire vulva had the tingly, over-vibrated feel, but it sure didn’t seem like that was the case while I was trying to get off.

Of course, I’m sure many people will have no problem with the vibrations. The shape could also be a deal-breaker for some. I tried with both the rounded edge and pointed edge against my clit, holding the Fresh in a vertical position. I liked that I could hold it vertically because it provided a somewhat hands-free experience, if I wasn’t requiring pressure or movement. The pointed edge definitely offers a more pinpoint stimulation, if that’s your thing, but I found them to both be a little too narrow for my preferences. From the product images, I would guess BMS is suggesting you stick to the pointed edge for clit stim as that makes it slightly easier to press the button.

I did find myself accidentally pressing that button and turning off the vibrator a few times. That happens will smaller toys that don’t have room for me to apply pressure. I may just be a little clumsy in that area, too. Still, turning it back on is pretty easy.

The packaging describes this as a soft touch toy, and it makes sense when you feel the silicone: the outer layer feels plush and offers some give, but it’s over a rigid form. The silicone is closer to the shiny type than the velvety, offering a lot of drag against the skin, so you may want to use water-based lubed, especially if you’re using one of the internal toys.

Although the package calls this waterproof, there’s still a visible port for plugging in the adapter. I don’t submerge toys, so I don’t have a problem with it, and I wasn’t particularly careful when washing, but I find this intriguing. Since I can’t see inside the hole, I have no idea what’s going on. I really like that the adapter has the Lead logo on it, though. Remember when I ruined my WeVibe with the adapter mix-up? Yea, don’t wanna do that again.

The Fresh washes up with soap and water but does collect a bit of lint. You can store it in the provided bag, which is made of brown canvas and features the Leaf logo. It seems they use the same bag for all the toys because this one is definitely overly large for the Fresh. I like bags that fit better, I suppose.

Like the bag, the box is a brown as well and made from recycled cardboard. Some folks have been saying this product isn’t as eco-friendly as BMS would have you believe and I can understand where they come from. The toy and adapter are still wrapped in plastic, the box is big and bulky, there’s a paper manual, and silicone and the internal battery are ultimately difficult to recycle. Leaf vibes don’t seem any more green to me, color aside, than most rechargeable toys I have.

So, Leaf vibes and the Fresh will work for some people but it wasn’t perfect for me. It still seemed high quality and it’s nice to have another ption if you’re a sexy toy connoisseur.

3 Comments


Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Who Should Read Sex Toy Reviews

December 31st, 2011

At first glance, it might seem that reviewers like me are writing only for people who might be interested in buying sex toys. But many more people can benefit from reading these reviews, and y

Consumers

Whether it’s your first and you have no idea which direction to go in or it’s your fiftieth and you want to know if a specific toy will work for you, reviews are helpful. Hands-on descriptions of sex toys and similar items are so important and can help you determine if a toy is for you or not. Plus, reviewers can include photos and images that give more detail and show things in reality, unlike planned publicity photos with expensive cameras, photoshopping, and extensive lighting.

Sexy toy haters

One of the things I’ve learned about sex toys and sex toy reviewers from reading reviews is that we are normal people. We are your neighbor, teachers, boss, or friend. Sure, some people have kinks that are further out, and others lead alternative lifestyles. However, this doesn’t make them any more devious than you are with whatever secrets you surely have. Enjoying sex toys is a healthy and normal thing, and analyzing them with reviews shows how they are similar to every other consumer product.

Retailers

Retailers who pay attention to what they sell and have guidelines about what they don’t sell can benefit from reading reviews. If you simply want to know whether a product is truly luxurious or whether your consumer demographic would actually purchase a toy, read some reviews. Debating a new line to carry, check out some reviews. Want a unique angle for pitching toys to customers? I think you see where I’m going with this.

Sex toy manufacturers

This one is a given, but many times, I feel like the creators don’t listen to me, even if they’re the ones sending me toys. I’m not telling you to pull a toy from the shelves, but if you do (I’m talking to you Papaya Toys!), I respect that you respect me and are listening. Maybe you’re not going to go that far, but you’re going to release newer, better versions of your toys, like SI did with the WeVibe, and reviews are going to show you room for improvement. I don’t think I’m alone when I say that you can pump out hundreds or thousands of products, but if you keep making the same cheap toys and the same mistakes, we’re going to buy from other manufacturers.

(Potential) reviewers

One of the awesome things about sex toy reviewers, is we’ve really developed a standard, unlike a lot of product industries. Reading reviews is one of the best ways to learn what other people want to know because we tend to write about the things we would want to know when we read reviews. Reading reviews can help you develop your voice, strengthen your writing skills, and even make friends.

So I guess I better let you get back to reading my reviews, eh?

2 Comments


Cake Body Butter

December 28th, 2011

Cake Body Butter

Cake Body Butter

Thankfully, this terrible product is no longer available.

It’s fucking perplexing is what it is. How did TopCo come up with the Cake line of body products? How did they design them so gorgeously? How did they plant the idea into my head that I needed them? And how the hell did they create body butters that smell rancid?

If you don’t live in a barn or Afghanistan, then you know I’ve been wanting to try these products for a while. I did try the lipgloss and it was all right. It didn’t put me off, though! I’ll just try a different product, a different scent. Surely I’ll like some of it?! So I was pretty damned excited when the folks at OurNaughtySecrets scent me not one but three of the body butters. I was all kid-in-a-candy shop when I opened the box because, in my opinion, Topco really struck it out of the park with this line.

The packaging is all feminine colors and cartoon pin-ups, reminiscent of a simpler time. Each scent features a different girl and color scheme. For instance, red velvet is pink and boasts a bosomy blonde who reminds me, ever-so-slightly, of Nancy Drew. Y’know, if she were a bosomy blonde who wanted to suck my cock.

The lotion comes in jars but the jars themselves sit in little cardboard boxes that open from the top, like bakery boxes. Except for the Angel Food Cake. That one has some weird hanging box design that is awkward. Still, the design is cute and the jars themselves have metal lids which already remind me of something you’d find in the kitchen or bakery.


Then you open them up and SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THE ATROCITY I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF THRICE!!!! AAAHHUYTTRFDQWGWQGARGLE! And that is putting it nicely. Something went horribly, horribly, God-awfully wrong with the actual formula. The body butters smell rancid. There’s no other way to put it. I’m not entirely sure that the ingredients didn’t somehow start to ferment as the product sat in a warehouse and on trucks during shipping. Or maybe no one smelled the products after the final testing phase. Either way, it.is.bad.guys.

The Devil’s Food cake smells like rancid chocolate. Like you made some pudding, let it rot for a year and a half while you were in a coma, came home and thought “Hey, maybe it’s still good.” It’s not. The red velvet smells startlingly similar; although, it’s more generically sweet and rancid. To be honest, it’s kind of hard to pin down what red velvet actually smells like and I couldn’t even describe the taste but I’m sure this is not it.

The Angel Food doesn’t actually smell rancid. It could be getting there, though. There’s just a hint of something that I don’t like so while I am going to throw away the body butters in the other scents, I will probably try to use this one. Once I put it on, the scent seems much more balanced. It’s got a kind of vanilla/white-cake smell going on but there’s a definite hint of something like hazelnut which doesn’t belong. I had the same complaint about the lip gloss so.. at least they got it wrong consistently? It’s not awful, though, just nuttier than I’d like.

The body butter is thick and whipped. It’s fun. It rubs into the skin nicely, rather than slathering about on top of it, and does leave my skin faster. However, the containers are only about half full. Perhaps Topco meant to only fill it to below the brim but it’s shifted in transit and has moved to only one half of the jar.

So, the jars are super cute and after I empty them, I will definitely want to put stuff in them. Like pennies, except I have this awesome change counting jar. What the hell should I do with the cute containers from the awful atrocities Topco calls Cake?

6 Comments


Make love to your long distance lover online

Fetish Fantasy Series Beginner’s Ball Gag

December 17th, 2011

Welp, my first ball gag experience was not beginner-friendly. It’s not necessarily the fault of Pipedream; although, the generic copy they provide to retailers doesn’t explain that this is a 1.75″ diameter gag and that’s pretty important information if you have a tiny mouth like I do. So, I can’t even get this in my mouth. I’d have to shove it in there and there’s no way it would come out without breaking some teeth or bones. Not cool.

But if you know you can use a ball gag of this size, it’s cheap and decently made. The ball is made of rubber and strung on a nylon strap. It’s not fixed in place so it can slide to the left and right a few inches but the length of nylon to which the ball is attached is actually attached to another piece of strap with D-rings that are attached via rivets. These pieces stop the ball from moving forever. Technically, this ball gag comes in 3-pieces.

The point of those detachable straps is confusing if you buy this product, but if you realize that Pipedream makes a ball gag training set, it’s likely that they once made a similar set that reused some of these parts. Of course, they’re only snaps, so they’re not locked in place but they actually do require a bit of effort for me to unsnap. You have to use both of the straps in order to create a full loop, though.

One of the straps ends in two D-rings, while the other is just the strap that you loop through both, then back through one like you would with children’s belts. At least, that’s the one application that easily comes to mind. It’s secure but quick to take off by moving the outer ring.

It’s also somewhat adjustable. At its tightest, the gag has a circumference of around 15″, including the ball itself. The straps offer about 5″ more of leeway if you require it. A quick measure of my own head indicates that this will fit my head with a couple extra inches but those with larger heads may need to modify the design for their needs.

Because I was not able to successfully wear it, I can’t say if it’s comfortable. The nylon isn’t the softest and it may irritate those with sensitive skin. The ball gag won’t completely block airflow but can cause a drooly mess; however, that may not be a negative for you. It does block access to the mouth, of course.

The rubber ball does offer just a bit of give when you apply pressure to it. You may be able to damage it if you’re biting down especially hard but I wasn’t able to leave any marks by gently biting or using my nails. I do wish that you were able to remove the ball from the strap to clean it better, however. You also can’t sterilize it because it is a porous material and I’d worry about bacteria building up after a while on the strap/instead the hole. I would probably replace this gag every so often for those reasons. If you want a permanent tool, I’d consider the Tantus fantasy gag, instead.

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My Favorite Sex Toys, BDSM Gear, Lube, Lingerie, and Erotica

December 15th, 2011

I recently did a count and have realized I’ve written over 450 reviews. 467 to be exact (plus a handful on other sites). Most of those items are vibrators but I’ve become a dildo convert, have test driven probably a dozen lubes, burned a handful of candles, played with some BDSM gear and and put on an ever-growing collection of lingerie. In short? I’m closer to saying “I’ve done it all” than 99% of the population.

But we all know it’s not about numbers and I definitely have come to appreciate quality over quantity. People rarely ask what my favorite toys are. Okay, no one has really ever asked. I don’t know why. You’d think it would be one of the questions I hear all the time but I don’t. Maybe you’re not asking it but you’re thinking it which is exactly why I’m going to tell you anyway.

Clitoral Vibrator

Layaspot, Desire clitoral vibe and Siri 2
Laya Spot and Siri 2 are among my favorite vibrators

Internal Vibrator

Dildo

Lingerie

Massage

Lube

Becoming Cliterate
Phantom now knows more about female pleasure than most humans

BDSM Implement

Erotica

Non-Fiction Book

Miscellaneous

Of course, the list of my favorite things is bound to change, especially as new things take the place of what I used to love.

3 Comments


Make love to your long distance lover online

I’m Not a Magic 8 Ball

December 5th, 2011

Earlier today I had a helpful conversation with a good friend. We both talked about our current boy/girl woes and he helped me feel like I’m not crazy. It’s not that I feel like I am crazy but I sometimes suffer from self-doubt. Not the helpful type (“Hey, maybe this isn’t the best idea”) but the unhelpful type (“OMG what if this isn’t the best idea?!?!?”). I’ve been wondering if I’m setting myself up to be hurt, if I need to draw the line with the Hot Nerd, cut out all the cuddles and silliness and seriously cut back our amount of communication. Some of my friends think I should have a long time ago and even those who don’t are sick of me talking about him because nothing has changed, I know.

But my friend suggested that maybe I’m doing things right. He agreed that it seems like there’s something there with the Hot Nerd and, after I explained everything that had happened with him, he suggested that maybe my friend had more issues with opening up and connecting than I had realized. I assumed that the Hot Nerd would be able to do so because he readily admitted he was a sensitive guy — it was one of the first things he said to me — but maybe I was expecting too much and too much too soon. We both agreed that I could be a safe place for the Hot Nerd and that I could potentially help him to learn to connect, even if he wound up connecting with someone else. Either way, I’d learn something about myself.

I hadn’t really given thought to the fact that the Hot Nerd might be insecure of have trouble connecting and I’ve probably glanced over his lack of experience more than I should have. Perhaps our issues are due far more to his insecurities and his own issues than I realized. He’s nothing like my ex-husband in the way that he handles things (he’s definitely more accepting of himself) but I do see to be attracted to the sensitive, silly type. My friend thinks that, given what I’ve told him, it seems like there’s something there.

His advice to me is to wait and see how things progress. If I’m a safe place, things could work out. I may get hurt but it might not even be because of the Hot Nerd. I should keep my other options open but, as I’ve explained, nothing more appealing than the Hot Nerd has presented itself. For now, I’m content to be in the confusing and somewhat frustrating situation with the Hot Nerd. After talking with my friend, I feel like it’s something I can do. I can be patient and I can guard myself just enough that I won’t necessarily be torn asunder should things turn out less than ideal. He complimented the fact that I’d even go that far for the Hot Nerd.

It was a validating and eye-opening conversation all around. I’m glad we had it.

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