First Mate Silicone Dildo

July 9th, 2011

First Mate Silicone Dildo

First Mate Silicone Dildo
$99.99 from Good Vibes

Even though the First Mate silicone dildo is smaller than the captain, it’s still quite a large dildo. Were it made of a firmer material/composition than it is, I probably wouldn’t enjoy it very much. However, I was thrilled to note that the silicone is softer than I was expecting. While this isn’t VixSkin, it certainly feels more realistic than any of the Tantus dildos I’ve tried. It squishes a bit when I squeeze it in my hand and I can bend the shaft a few degrees either way. This is definitely aided by the length of the toy. I haven’t even gotten around to fully inserting it and won’t even try because my cervix isn’t a big fan of that.

The First Mate measures in at 7 3/4″ and all but 1/2″ is insertable. This dildo has a width that varies between 1 3/4″ and 1 1/2″. It falls firmly in the realm of medium/large toys and is larger than most toys I’ve tried so that gives you quite the idea about the captain dildo. I had to use quite a bit of lube and then some more and, finally, more lube. The design is realistic and features veining and a drastically contoured head. Even though the shaft is quite straight, the bulbous head should provide enough G-spot stimulation from most, if the bulk doesn’t do it by itself.

It may have been the type of lube I used, but I found the First Mate a little difficult to use, and I had to keep reapplying. It was just a bit too big to glide easily so I found it better to use stationary with the use of a clitoral vibe. However, the contoured head was pretty great for clitoral stimulation, too. It felt fairly realistic to me.

The silicone of this dildo is a softer, more velvety finish as opposed to shinier silicones. It’s available in multiple flesh tones ranging from pale to pure black–which I received [Editor’s note: The First Mate is now available in a dark brown and dark purple only]. The plastic blister pack is the only packaging/storage material that it comes with, and it’s too bulky to be functional. Like any silicone, it tends to collect lint. It washes with soap and water but the base of the toy is slick — not slick enough to function as a suction cup, though — and hair and lint is more difficult to rinse off from this part of the toy.

Although the First Mate dildo isn’t perfect for me, I enjoyed the softer texture of the sex toy and think my readers will as well.

96 Comments

Categories: Dildos, Giveaways, Reviews

Babeland Massage Oil

July 8th, 2011

Babeland Body Massage Oil

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Once upon a time, I received a Babeland Massage Cube for review. It happened to be summer and so it arrived a melted mess. A melted mess that smelled amazing. However, the only place where the scent was labeled was on a sticker that I promptly threw away or fed to the cats or something, so I was in agony, not knowing what scent I liked so well. But Babeland, they’re on the ball. Despite going through several program managers, they knew their shit and offered to send me a bottle of their Babeland Body Massage Oil in the same scent: lavender vanilla. Seriously, pretty awesome.

So the bottle arrived and I was all excited to smell it but couldn’t get any to come out. Turns out, Babeland uses a clear plastic seal that’s pretty hard to see. I know because I checked and couldn’t even see it. It wasn’t until I touched with my finger that I realized it was there. This is not life or death. It’s actually kind of amusing for sort of frustrating for all of five seconds.

After those five seconds, my nose was busy sniffing the massage oil to see if it smelled as I remembered it. It didn’t, not exactly. As I recall, the massage bar was a lot sweeter because the vanilla was stronger. It’s the opposite with the massage oil: the vanilla takes a backseat. Interestingly enough, there is a noticeable citrus-like scent. I’m not a big fan of citrus scents. The overall impression is sometimes medicinal. It could just be my nose but I have a pure lavender massage oil from System Jo that also smells like a medicinal citrus.

I’ve noticed that Babeland’s lavender vanilla massage oil smells different in the bottle, in the air and on my skin. This is frequently the case with scented products, and I wish they were a bit more consistent. The result is that I like the massage oil a bit less than I like the bar itself. I dug out the bar from the drawer it’s been hiding in for months? years? and, sadly, it barely has a scent at all. I kept it in its box, which is hardly airtight, so I’m not entirely surprised.

The oil, which lists just three ingredients: sweet almond oil, vitamin E and fragrance, has a slightly off-white shade. It comes out of the bottle in a super controlled amount, thanks to the push-top cap. It’s a bit runny; Kama Sutra’s Oil of Love is thicker if I recall correctly. It feels great rubbing into my skin as a moisturizer, which is what I wind up doing with all my pretty smelling things. It leaves my skin with a pretty sheen and enables my hand to glide easily over different body parts. I feel like I’m using a lot, but my bottle barely seems to be used, so I’m probably just over-estimating on my part.

You may feel like washing your hands after using Babeland’s Body Massage Oil. They’ll feel a little greasy, and opening tight jars may be difficult, but it feels lighter than the System Jo Massage Oil. It’s not quite as slippery which I expect means I’ll wind up using more of the Babeland Massage Oil for long or intense massages but I like that it doesn’t feel as residue-y after usage. It’s a toss-up, really, depending on your needs and preferences.

Babeland’s massage oil comes in a giant 5.25 fluid-ounce bottle, compared to the tiny bottles I have from other companies and even other Babeland products. I figure it will just about last forever. I could probably give away all my other massage products and keep this one. I won’t, though.

You can pick up your own bottle for $14, making it the most wallet-friendly massage oil option that Babeland carried at the time–and perhaps ever. It’s too bad it’s now discontinued.

1 Comment

Categories: Massage, Reviews

Here’s the Plan

June 23rd, 2011

I’ve finally decided to stop trying not to fall for the adorable geek even if he’s not into me. Even if he never will be. It’s a risk that feels incredibly unlike me but also feels right at the same time. So, while not exactly rushing in blindly, this is a risk but a calculated risk, I have decided to let myself fall. I feel alive when falling in love. I feel alive, albeit miserable, when my heart is broken. I can’t help but think of him as the type of person who’s worth being broken hearted over. I never thought of my ex in those terms and, at the end of the day, he’ll never know and our amazing friendship will continue.

Oddly enough, as soon as I gave myself permission to fall for him, I started feeling a little less enamored. Is it the thrill of the chase? Or am I just not the type who can prolong emotions unrequited for extended periods of time? Perhaps I simply do not see him frequently enough and I forget how good he smells and how silly he is and how amazing his arms feel around me when I do see him?

You know what? Scratch that last paragraph. Damn.

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Categories: Everything Else

Crazy Girl Mist

June 21st, 2011

Crazy Girl Mist Plumeria

Crazy Girl Mist Plumeria
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. 

For whatever reason, I’ve really been into the scented products lately. I suppose this is how I went from no sprays to six bottles in just a few months, eh? I wasn’t sure if I would love the Crazy Girl Mist with pheremones but I thought I’d give it a try. Crazy Girl is a line up of body sprays, lotions and shaving products from Classic Erotica. I opted for Plumeria because I generally like floral scents but perhaps I would have enjoyed Seduction–a mix of fruity and floral–better.

The initial spritz of this product smells very generic, a bit heavy and, well, old. I like my health and beauty products to smell young and fresh. There’s something in this heavy floral scent that just comes off as dated. Initially, there is a lot of perfume, as if to overwhelm the nose. I’m a fan of more sophisticated scents, generally. Although, after a few moments, it settles and becomes more pleasant (less unpleasant?), the product is still very forgettable. I wouldn’t remember this body spray from any other brand that makes plumeria scented products or even from most general floral products.

Of course, if I did love it, then I would want the scent to be long-lasting. Unfortunately, that’s not the case here. Even a generous four or five sprays isn’t going to last you more than a couple hours. I guess it’s a good thing that the body mist comes in a large eight ounce spray bottle. I’ve already used quite a bit and just for testing purposes. I was hoping it would grow on me but it really hasn’t.

The reason this product is sold by sex toy retailers is the supposed inclusion of pheremones. Now, I don’t really buy into the pheremone aspect too much; I think it’s mostly the power of suggestion and I’m not going to feel a whole lot sexier when I’m using a product that doesn’t necessarily smell good to me. I can’t say that anyone took particular interest in me because of Crazy Girl Mist–nor did anyone even compliment the fragrance. I have to say that the “sexy alert” on the back of the bottle is not only overstated but it’s ridiculously tacky, too.

I also must comment that the complete lack of ingredients to be interesting. I wonder if alcohol may be one of the components of this spray but the bottle doesn’t want me to know. The official website doesn’t list anything either so I guess I’m just SOL. The bottle does advertise that you can even use it upside down but.. who does that? Why is that even an advertising point? I guess I could say that it sprays well enough right-side-up and the cap is nice.

Oddly enough, Classic Erotica also made the ginger+pomegranate massage candle and the Silky Sheets spray that I didn’t like. I think, from here on out, I’ll be staying away from any of their scented products if I have not already had a chance to smell them. Really, that’s my advice to you. Unless you’re a die-hard fan of the passion flower/plumeria scent or you have the world’s least pickiest nose, I’d stay away, too.

4 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Sexual Health and Beauty

Pink Lace Babydoll

June 17th, 2011

Pink Lace Babydoll

Pink Lace Babydoll

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Like my wardrobe, my lingerie collection has expanded in color. My newest addition is a pink lace babydoll, again from the manufacturer Seven Til Midnight. Their designs always catch me eye, perhaps because they are relatively simple but use unique patterns, colors or textures. To put it plainly, they’re not boring yet not so fancy that I don’t feel like I can pull them off. I’m not quite so adventurous that I would wear lingerie in public nor do I think I have the perfect body. Seven Til Midnight pieces always seem complimentary, at least at first.

If that sounds a little ominous, it’s because I don’t love this piece as much as I’d like. I don’t hate it, I’m just not tickled pink. Pardon the pun. You see, the lace on this one stretches around curves and the reality of bodies which is a good thing but it does so without offering any shaping. It’s a bit hard to see in the images but, when I took this out of the package, I saw seams on the sides that almost implied it would help hold me in. It doesn’t, not really. This wouldn’t be a problem if the trim fell right about the hips, to camouflage my problem area (the spare tire) but this piece lands over my thighs, instead. I’m a fairly short lady so it may appear shorter on you but if you’re trying to de-emphasize a larger middle, I just don’t think the pink lace babydoll is the piece for you. However, I think it would look fantastic on anyone who may be larger but fairly proportionate. I’m hoping to get to that point as my mid-section is slowly shrinking. I’m just not quite there.

On the plus size, the wired cups do offer some support. I found the XL more than adequate for my C-cups, offering nice contours. I imagine ladies a little larger wouldn’t have a problem but this isn’t intended for those extremely well endowed ladies, sorry. One thing I do like is that, instead of a full band that goes around the rib cage, there are two ribbons that you tie in back. The ribbons are thick (two inches or so) satin that are sewn into either side of the back, where there is a cut-out and you tie them together to secure the piece. I’m not always a fan of ribbons but these are large enough to be functional and you can secure the babydoll tighter or looser, depending on your size and preferences. Plus, it adds to the whole “unwrapping the package” show.

The shoulder straps are also adjustable–the typical elastic kind that most lingerie features. Where the traps meet the top of the cups, there are pink bows. In the picture, these seem to blend nito the piece but I find them to be distracting and perhaps.. gaudy in person. I feel a little silly with all the frills. There’s also a ribbon bow in between the cups but this isn’t something that I mind. The cups themselves have shaping seams up the front, like a bra, and the tops of the cu pare outlined with the same frills that you find along the bottom of the babydoll.

I find the lace to be more see-through in person. This may also be due to the fact that the piece fits more snugly against my skin. The larger floral pattern is pretty but the lace isn’t as soft as I’d like. This issue may resolve as I watch the piece several times but it definitely makes it a little less comfortable than some of my other lingerie. The back of this piece consists of a super soft mesh that is comfortable, however. Nevertheless, I couldn’t feel comfortable wearing this to sleep. I would worry about the cups being uncomfortable and ripping the ribbons in back as I’ve had bad luck with ribbons in the past.

Per usual, the thong is pink mesh with elastic sides. The fit is hit or miss. This one seems rather large for me but I’ve always been to get away with medium to large panties.

For its price, the pink lacy babydoll really is a steal–even if you don’t completely love it.

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Categories: Lingerie, Reviews

Divine Inspiration Rotating Massager

June 8th, 2011

Divine Inspiration Rotating Massager
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

So, I’m into new and unusual things and the Divine Inspiration Rotating Massager from California Exotics fits the bill pretty well. It’s a wand-style toy that rotates and vibrates, and it’s all decked out in pink and black. The specific model I received is straight-handled. The handle is about 1.5 the length of my fist so it’s not like the size of a Hitachi or anything. It’s fairly small. This small toy is powered by two AAA batteries that insert into the end of the handle after the pink cap screws off. There’s one of those ribbons to aid you in removing batteries–although I usually find them to get in the way–and a small O-ring around the battery compartment.

Toward the top of the handle, where it begins to narrow, is a silver band for no other reason than to look pretty. I have to admit, I am a fan of the rock and roll chic appeal but I prefer the other toys in the line ever-so-slightly. The head consists of a bright pink TPR that is squishy and velvety. There is a row of oblong bulges that encircle the top of the head. I guess the idea of texture is interesting but perhaps not as functional as Cal Exotics would have you think.

There is a single push button at the base of the rotating massager. One push starts the rotating, a second shifts direction and a third turns it off. Although there is supposed to be vibration in addition to rotation, I could only feel the motor straining inside the handle of the wand. The rotation itself is interesting. It sort of reminds me of the Sasi. It’s an interesting feeling that is somewhat akin to oral but, you know, not exactly. Of course, the problem with this function is that you cannot press the head of the massage against you without forcing the movement to stop. This may also be problematic for you if you’re fleshier. You’ll have to push your labia out of the way. It doesn’t lend itself well to pressure or intense stimulation. While I kind of like the idea, it’s just not enough to get me off.

In use, I really didn’t find the ability to switch direction was effective. Actually, it somewhat hurt to switch direction which makes very little sense. Regardless, a toy like the Sasi is more creative in terms of movement and overall, preferable. Another reason I prefer it is that I can turn off the movement of the ball, when I’m sufficiently aroused, and just use the vibration to get off.

You’ll definitely want to use lube to aid the rotation and keep things comfortable. The texture holds it well, perhaps too well. After I was done, I cringed as I had to scrub the lube out from the tiny crevices in the head of the Divine Inspiration Rotating Massager. I’d really like something a little less time-consuming when it comes to washing.

In fact, I’d have to say that, ultimately, this sex toy is more like an electric lube applicator than anything else.

CEN Sexpert

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Get up to 30% off at MysteryVibe

Form 2

June 7th, 2011

Form 2
N/A from

Jimmyjane has since introduced the Form 2 Pro if you like to gamble.

Remember how whiny I was a while back about how I’d never tried a Jimmyjane vibrator? Yea, it wasn’t pleasant. Luckily, I have now had the opportunity. My experience has been a bit.. atypical, I think, so I have some interesting insights to share with you, dear reader.

Now, in case you forgot, the Form 2 is a rabbit-shaped vibrator, but it’s just the head with two ears that have separate motors. The ears, one would probably guess, are ideal for surrounding the clit or nipples or for passing on either side of the labia or.. an ear? Point is, while most people are going to head south with the Form 2, it does offer some versatility.. which is probably good because I really just don’t like it for clitoral stimulation. I tend to use toys in the general area of my clit, pressed to my pubic bone. It’s about pressure and indirect stimulation for me but it doesn’t get more direct than the Form 2–and it’s on both sides. AAAH! This totally negates the fact that the vibrations are shallow and buzzy, although concentrated.

My personal quirks aside, this just may be better suited to those of you who like direct stimulation from multiple angles. If you’re the type who can lay a vibe against your clit and eventually get off, more or less without any effort, maybe the Form 2 is for you. Unfortunately, I’m not you. My other personal complaint is that the ridiculous buzzyness of this vibrator quickly “numbs” me. Now, I don’t mean numb in the “woe is me, I used a vibrator and I’ll never get off from sex again” type way, so if you’re the anti-woman/masturbation/pleasure/intelligence type who believes that, STFU. No, I mean, that the vibrations are so shallow that my body literally cannot feel them after a while so I turn it up and up and up and eventually I’ve just spent half an hour with a toy that has absolutely not chance of getting me off and what am I doing?

I’m getting to know the toy for review, I guess. At least it’s easy to use. There’s a plus and minus button for controlling the vibration and another button with a squiggly line for moving between the different modes. Jimmyjane has included vibration and pulsation and describes them with an interesting infographic yet, because the buzzyness isn’t a good foundation for effective pulsation.

So I was all set to write this review and say, you know, this is an interesting toy and it seems made well enough, even if it didn’t produce the type of vibrations that I like.. When it turned itself on, vibrated itself right out of its charging base, fell on my bathroom floor and broke. Scared the crap out of my cats, too.

On the bright side, Jimmyjane was super quick about responding to my issue and sent me a replacement Form 2 STAT! I just returned the broken one via prepaid shipping today. I’m not having any issues with the new one. I’m a little hesitant to keep it in its charging base, should the same thing occur with my replacement, and also because the cats like to nom silicone, which happened with the Amor, too. Otherwise, I like the charging base. It’s convenient and the design uses a variety of flashing and steady lights to indicate charging and battery status. With the Form 2, you know exactly how much of a charge is left when you lift it from the base. That’s handy.

Because it uses a charging system with contact points–there’s a metal “disc” on the bottom of the toy that contacts the base–it’s waterproof. This makes cleaning super easy and you could take your Form 2 in the shower. That’s not generally my preference, as the water tends to make vibrations seem subdued.

Other points of note include:

  • Form 2 is fairly quiet. Not as quiet as Siri but acceptable enough.
  • The manufacturing seems pretty high quality. The toy feels solid, it’s pretty seamless.
  • The silicone collects dust and smudges like crazy. Arg.
  • A lot of people have complained about some sort of feature/glitch. I haven’t run into it because I don’t spend a lot of time with toys that aren’t going to get me off.
  • Although I’m hoping my specific issues were self-contained, it seemed like Jimmyjane vibrators–especially those in the Form lineup–just tend to be glitchy as all get out.

I guess we’ll have to see how I feel about Form 2 in the future.

3 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.