It is less than freezing out but I do not feel the chill. The heat emanates from my body, seeps and breathes from between my legs. The heat pools around my thighs and cheeks as I squirt, for the first time in what seems like eons. It collects in the blanket below me and flows through layers of fabric to the mattress itself. Silicone and plastic have become impossibly warm from my body. My heat is strong and impervious. I am insatiable and heat spreads throughout my body as I am pushed over the edge by his words. Images fill my mind and inspiration has taken on a life of its own, so real that I can almost taste it and feel it: heat.
Lights Outs Glow Shower Gel Raspberry
February 8th, 2011
Lights Outs Glow Shower Gel Raspberry
You can no longer purchase this product.
If you’ve ever thought “I want to glow in the dark” or “I bet it would be cool to shower with no lights on” or if you’re just a dork, like I am, then this product might interest you. You’ll probably have to ignore the fact that the entire design is reminiscent of mini-golf courses or Chuck E Cheese but, who wouldn’t with glow in the dark body wash?!
First things first. In the image, this appears white. It’s really not. The raspberry scent is a very pale, sickly looking pink. I could do with something a little prettier but I don’t know how realistic that is, given the glow in the dark properties.
Second, this bottle is pretty damned small. The Exotic Fruit Show Gel by Shunga is exponentially larger. This is a problem when you consider how poorly this product lathers. It’s super thin and washes away so easily that I always have to reapply to my bath poof. The bottle is almost half gone after only two weeks or so of use.
Thirdly, the raspberry scent is very unsophisticated. It’s not the subtle and finely crafted scent that I prefer. Rather, it’s run of the mill and too heavy because it’s not really good. Read: cheap.
But, it does glow in the dark. After sitting in the light (my bathroom has a window so this occurs all day), the bottle will turn a light green and cast off light. It’s pretty neat and makes finding your bath products easier if, you know, the power is out. Once you start to lather, however, this quickly disappears. You can’t make any glow in the dark hand prints on your mirror or chase people around like a ghost. This is kind of a failure, in my opinion. Who wants the glowy fun to end?
So, I will be retiring this bottle until such time as I a) run out of good body wash (Skinny Dip Shower Gel is a better product) or b) plan to shower with no lights on or c) just wanna show it to someone. Not using it is the only way you’ll get your money’s worth anyway.
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Madeleine Lace Halter Chemise Plus Size
January 31st, 2011
Madeleine Lace Halter Chemise Plus Size
This is an archived review of a discontinued item.
Ah, another Seven Til Midnight piece, you ask? Yes, indeed. I just love the style of their babydolls and chemises (if you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed that I pimped out their new items, too!) But all was not love with the Madeleine Lace Halter Chemise as this is simply a case of what-you-see-is-not-exactly-what-you get. You see, in real life, without double-sided tape and strategically placed lighting, and picture-perfect proportionate curves, this chemise simply does not make the cut. Here’s a breakdown of my complaints.
In photographs, the chemise seems a dark, red-hued purple and the print almost appears textured or velvety. In real life, the colour is blue-hued and much lighter. This is not altogether bad, but the black floral pattern contrasts more than it does in pictures, and the color just isn’t one that I love. Furthermore, the black floral print is not simply against a solid purple background. There is a tinier print going on in the background that is honeycomb-like and absolutely hideous. You cannot see it at all in the picture and, I think, that if this alone were changed, I would like the chemise much more. It just seems so busy, and the design is far less sophisticated than pictures would have you believe. I wouldn’t have purchased the Madeleine Lace Halter Chemise if I had had the chance to see it in person first.
In photographs, the three ribbons that stretch over the cleavage look hot. In real life, the halter-styled top really offers no support, and as my breasts tend to fall outward, the piece just kept stretching. I looked much flatter than I actually am. A bra remedies this but who wants to wear a bra with her chemise? Additionally, even my C cups felt ridiculously heavy as the halter pulled down against my neck and it was nearly impossible to find a good length at which to tie it and to duplicate that tying length when wearing it on different occasions. So, to make this work, I’d imagine you’d need Ds or DDs but I wouldn’t want to deal with the strain on your neck. Some supportive stitching wouldn’t hurt because this piece really has no shape.
In photographs, the corset-y ribbon that laces across the back is sophisticated and naughty, but, in my experience, this isn’t the case. I guess my ribcage is simply too small for the queen size (odd…) but I wound up pulling the ribbon so that the back of the chemise nearly touched in the center of my back. Otherwise, it was too loose, but this caused it to bunch up where the ribbon crisscrossed. In addition to this, I had quite a long length of ribbon left over, and it looked sloppy instead of falling daintily. I may try tying the ribbon at the bottom to better fit my shape, however. Again, it was difficult to tie without help.
In photographs, the model doesn’t have a spare tire. She’s super proportionate. In reality, this chemise doesn’t pull you in, and the length makes it obvious if you have extra weight in the middle or, like me, your ribs like to stick the fuck out. It’s much better suited for someone who is straight throughout the midsection than I am.
But let’s take a look at some of the positives of this piece. The polyester/spandex blend is silky and cool against the skin. The stitching between the elastic and the fabric (around the back edges) or the lace around the neck and hemline and the fabric is superb. This will definitely hold up if you hand wash in cold water, as the tag suggests, but it would probably even be safe in the washer on the gentle cycle. All the elastic is well sewn and there’s no fraying to be seen. The same is true for the ribbon, which is pretty run-of-the-mill, but the extra length makes it easy to customize the fit–if you have the patience.
The included thong fits well and is well-made. Like the other chemise and thong set I reviewed from this manufacturer, the front panel matches the chemise while the straps are a stretchy black material that is comfortable and secure without cutting into my skin. It’s something I would wear–and have worn–under street clothes and has held up fine with washing.
I enjoy that Seven Til Midnight uses silky tags on their products instead of the scratchy, white ones that most clothes contain. The tags are bright pink, so can probable be seen through Madeleine Lace Halter Chemise and matching thong but they’re kind of stylish and allude to the fact that this is a good brand.
This is technically a set as it included a blindfold featuring the same patterned material, detailed with lace and secured by straps. This is completely dysfunctional and only looks good in the pictures because the model is holding it so that it stretches vertically and actually looks like a blindfold. If you just saw it lying around, you would have no idea what this piece of fabric is intended to do. In reality, it bunches up and pulls horizontally so that it becomes really thin and it’s not functional at all. The ribbons do not facilitate a secure fit and the sheerness of the material does not block out much. The best use it for a photo shoot, really.
The Madeleine Lace Halter Chemise is really not just intended for my body size and shape. It would be best for someone who has largest breasts and/or wider ribs, a straight midsection and is taller (I believe). Still, I have to warn you that the pattern is not nearly as attractive in person as it in in photographs.
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Shower Gel Exotic Fruit
January 24th, 2011
Shower Gel Exotic Fruit
$10.93
from Store.OfSexAndLove.com
This is an archived review of a discontinued product.
Perhaps it is appropriate that my previous review was for a very well-known manufacturer of sensual, erotic goods, as is the case for the manufacturer of the Shower Gel in Exotic Fruit. Shunga is a brand that I’ve heard rave things about but never had a chance to try. After all, what’s a single girl going to do with all those massage products? (Seriously, I have so much!) But anyone can enjoy shower gel–and enjoy I have.
This bottle is huge (16 ounces)! Easily beats out all my other shower products in size, save for shampoo. While the price point seems a bit high, it’s really not bad when you consider how much you’re getting in the bottle and how long it’s likely to last.
It comes in the typical, cylindrical bottle with push-top opening. Squeezing the bottle releases the shower gel, which is a red color (it matches my shower poof perfectly!). It’s quite silky on the skin and leaves mine feeling smooth and moist. I usually suffer from dry elbows in the winter air but this hasn’t been the case while using this shower gel.
I’m not sold that the scent is exactly “exotic.” It’s quite banana-berry to me but others may disagree. It’s pleasant enough but not really overpowering. I don’t really notice if it lingers on my skin but, then again, I don’t go around sniffing my skin. d=
I do wish the bottle were slightly more discreet, however. The image of the man and woman in some sort of pool of water, all naked and such, while not exactly rated X, is something I’d want to tuck away if I had visitors. I don’t but, you know..
Interesting enough, this product is billed as made from edible products but I have yet to taste it because the idea of suds on my tongue is a major turn off. I think others might enjoy this but I’d rather use it to soap up myself, my lover and squish around against one another.
[edit]
After writing this, I did take the time to taste it. It’s sweet and not awful but I feel super weird licking soap.
2 Comments
Kama Sutra Intimate Moments
January 18th, 2011
Kama Sutra Intimate Momentsc
Kama Sutra no longer makers the Intimate Moments kit, but you can sample their products, including the honey dust and massage oil in the Weekender Kit.
I really enjoyed both the Raspberry Oil of Love and the honey dust by Kama Sutra, so I figured I’d like the Intimate Moments collection just as much.
At first, I was really impressed with the scent of the sweet almond massage oil. It’s not the scented, warming kind like the Oils of Love but has the sweet, amaretto scent that one can expect from almond extract. I have read, in other reviews, that most almond massage oil has a lighter scent but this is exactly what I was looking for. This scent doesn’t last very long, however. As you rub it into the skin, it fades and shifts to something more akin to baby powder. I’m not a fan of powdery smells at all, so this isn’t really ideal for me. I’m sure others won’t mind, but I don’t know why the almond massage oil just doesn’t keep the same scent throughout use. It’s kind if disappointing.
As a massage oil itself, I found it a bit bland. It wasn’t as slick as some of the candles I’ve used, (the bottle advertises its lightness) nor does the sweet almond massage oils have any extra properties. I guess I have been spoiled by all the other massage aids I have had the opportunity to try. Pity for me, the bottle is so large (100ml). It’s shampoo style, although not quite that ,large.The press-top is easy to use; although, sometimes the oil comes out quite quickly because it is a fairly thin liquid.
Because it’s thinner, I find that it massages into the skin quite quickly. I used two or three squirts in just a few minutes. There is a slight residue on the skin but it’s not so greasy that I feel the need to wash either the body part where it was applied or my hands.
The oils in this product make it less than ideal for use with condoms and you may want to spot test your linens to test for stains. The oil itself is only faintly tinted so I can’t imagine this to be a huge deal.
I was equally disappointed with the Sweet Honeysuckle body powder. Again, Kama Sutra makes a raspberry-flavored dust that I love, and this comes in the same style in (although smaller than the one I have) with a satin bag containing another plastic bag to hold the powder itself. As I mentioned in a previous review, I would quite like to see the plastic and satin bags somehow combined, as this method isn’t the most effective I have seen. Consumers should note that, because of the multiple bags, it’s not like they are receiving an entire tin of product. It’s more like one-half or one-third of the tin.
I was immediately turned off by the scent of the honeysuckle body dust. It’s extremely powdery and perfumey smelling–like something a grandmother would wear (or perhaps the overpowering aroma of an incense shop), not something sexy for licking off of someone’s body. The scent is also ridiculously strong so you can’t avoid it even if you enjoy the taste of the honey dust. It’s one of the cases where you start to taste the scent, if you know what I mean. Upon testing the honey dust, I could barely taste something sweet over the perfumey scent and smell. It was really unappealing.
The feather applicator is well made and works wonderfully for spreading a thin layer of dust over someone’s body (the dust is silky in a dry sort of way and I do enjoy the act of applying it). It can also be used for tickling, but beware if you have animals as it’s just the kind of toy they want to play with. My cat reminded me of this not five minutes after I had opened the box.
Quite frankly, I don’t know why Kama Sutra even sells this kit or the individual products.
3 Comments
Hide Your Vibe Pillow: Black
January 9th, 2011
Hide Your Vibe Pillow: Black
The Hide Your Vibe Pillow is no longer available.
I have long known of the Hide Your Vibe pillow as a sex toy storage solution but it was never one of those things that was on the top of my list. As I continue to explore things that are not exactly sex toys, I decided that, if nothing else, a throw pillow couldn’t hurt but if I really enjoyed the pillow, that would be great, too.
I don’t have much to say about this product–for better or worse. The square pillow measures 13″ and the exterior feels like a combination of fleece and microfiber, making it lightly fuzzy. As the product description says, the cover is machine washable and you can easily remove it by unzipping one of the edges. The sewing is superb and the zipper is hidden. The only part that is visible is the tab that you pull to unzip it.
Unzipping reveals that the inner pillow is actually one that is just shorter than 13″ but long. It’s folded in half and one edge is sewn together to create a round shape that is open in the middle. Upon discovering this, I sort of thought “This is it? Why aren’t more sex toy perverts making their own pillow? It would be pretty easy to replicate.” And it would so I cannot wholly recommend this product at its current price. If you have any sort of skill at sewing, you could make your own. Even buying a standard throw pillow cover and a long pillow and just folding it in half would produce a workable solution.
The pillow is fashioned with a soft cotton that isn’t likely to leave lint so you could easily put something in there and use it immediately. You could also slip a toy in the pillow in its own bag or even a plastic bag. However, that will make noise should someone lean on the pillow. In fact, while this pillow looks like your normal throw pillow and you can use it as such (it’s not quite as stiff as some but still functional), you may not want to keep it within reach.
In terms of size, you won’t fit a rabbit vibrator in the Hide Your Vibe Pillow but you can ft small clitoral vibrators, slimline vibes, eggs/bullets, a set of cuffs or even an anal plug. The smaller the item, the less likely that someone will notice it. Of course, you will want to remove the batteries or lock any vibrators to prevent them from turning on at inopportune moments. In addition to this, I would only store clean and dry toys in this pillow.
Of course, if you really want to have your toys within reach, this can be a useful tool. You could easily reach into the pillow and remove a toy to surprise your partner. There’s really more uses for the pillow, however. You could hide your remotes and a book to keep your home clutter-free. Anything small enough to fit into the pillow can be hidden from sight.
Form and function aside, I still cannot believe how high the markup is on this item and that keeps me from recommending this product to everyone.
1 Comment
Lelo Alia
January 4th, 2011
Lelo Alia
N/A
from
This is an archived review of a discontinued toy. You might try the most recent Ora, instead.
Insignia is the newest line by Lelo, the luxury sex toy company that has pumped out more new items this past year than I have fingers. I have been lucky enough to try several items, including the egg-shaped Alia. I was drawn to the Alia because it’s similar to a regular egg vibrator, but I have difficulty holding those, and I hoped that the hole in the center of the vibrator would ease the stress on my fingers.
Alia is like an egg with slightly flattened sides and a smaller egg shape cut out of the middle. It is slightly larger than your typical egg vibrator at approximately 2.5” long and 1.5” wide. While the outsides of this vibrator are coated in a firm silicone, the inside is lined with plastic painted to look metallic. It has a slight golden sheen, and if you found it difficult to tell whether it was gold or silver in images, it’s pretty much as difficult to tell in person. Unlike some other Lelo’s toys, the silicone is not as firm as I expected. There’s just a tiny bit of give, similar to the Estomed of the Layaspot. The velvety finish also adds to the feeling of softness.
It seems Lelo has been experimenting with packaging this year. Alia comes in a box that contains a foam shape to hold the vibrator and the included brooch while the other side has a liftable cardboard flap that houses the storage/travel pouch and booklets. I have found that the booklets like to slide to the other side, under the foam, and you need to insert your fingers into the foam holes to move the paper back into place in order to access it.
So, the brooch is a small metal pin that is in the shape of what I understand to be the logo for the Insignia line. Imagine an infinity symbol with an extra loop. I’m not really a fan of pins but it’s elegant looking and could spice up an outfit or you could put it on a canvas bag.
Lelo has strayed from their trademark controls with the Insignia toys and the controls actually match the brooch. The logo is engraved into the silicone while the buttons are embossed onto it. There is a + button on one side to turn on and up the vibrator while a – button exists on the other side to do the opposite. The button in the middle looks a bit like this () and allows the user to switch between modes. Those modes include various pulsation and escalation settings. There are around 8 but it’s hard to tell because that middle button needs a lot of pressure in order for the vibrator to respond. Sadly, Lelo has returned to the buzzier type vibrations with Alia. Siri is significantly deeper in terms of vibration. However, Alia is still much more powerful than Lily.
In use, I didn’t find the shape to help at all. In fact, it may have even made this egg-shaped toy more difficult to use. Depending on your finger size, you can fit 2 or 3 through the hole. Nevertheless, I just couldn’t find a comfortable and useful position that made use of the hole and offered the pressure I like. If you simply like to hold vibrators against you, then this may not be an issue.
Lelo has continued to provide the ability to lock your vibrators when not in use by simultaneously pressing – and +. I still say this isn’t as useful and being able to lock it during use but it’s handy for travel. Charging automatically unlocks an Insignia toy, which is important to remember. The manual states that it requires two hours to fully charge; although, mine was already charged. The LED light on the toy will remain white when the battery is full but will pulse as it dies. Users can expect up to four hours of usage from Alia but I have yet to reach that point. I also believe it uses the same adapter as Ina, Mona and Siri. AWESOME!
Now, I have to mention something odd. This toy is supposed to be completely waterproof. My understanding is that the silicone is supposed to stretch to accommodate the adapter when charging but “shrink” to cover the hole when not charging. My hole is completely open all.the.time. (Man, that sounds kinda naughty, doesn’t it?) I would absolutely NOT trust this in water if I didn’t know it was supposed to be fully waterproof. However, I gave it a thorough and fully submerged washing and it came out just fine. I wonder if the silicone port covers that Lelo previously used are a thing of the past.
Another change that Lelo has implemented with this product is the storage bag. It is now double-layered satin, black on the outside and white on the inside. I don’t think it looks as nice as plain black, but it offers slightly more cushion.
The bottom line for me is that Alia really isn’t an improvement over traditional egg vibrators in terms of strength, size or comfort. I would much rather use my $35 BNaughty, which has survived multiple trips to the shower and rough cleanings.
