Tuyo

January 18th, 2010

Tuyo

Tuyo
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

I am a girl who loves pressure. Masturbation sessions that end with cramped fingers that can barely move are no strange in this house, sadly, and toys that are broad enough to press against my body with ease are rare. Small egg-style vibes don’t have a lot of room for my fingers (so they still cramp), traditional vibes aren’t broad, and it can be difficult to get quite the pressure I need from rabbits without detracting from internal stimulation. All of these reasons attracted me to Tuyo, a spherical massager that would certainly be broad enough and easy to hold (and press) for me. Mediocre reviews left me doubtful, but I finally took the plunge and purchased one for myself right before Christmas.

Tuyo is packaged in a sleek black box that is lined with pretty, purple satin material. It looks elegant sitting in the cushy material when the lid is open.

This vibrator measures 5″ x 5″ x 3.5″ and is made of hard plastic with a silicone band wrapping around the center, both in black. The band has some give and slight texture which can help in grasping Tuyo. There are thin silver borders on either side of the silicone band and also around the button on top that could be metal or plastic.

For the most part, these details do not create any crevices except around the button (which isn’t directly pressed to the body anyway). The button sits directly on top, whereas I press the bottom 1/3 against myself. The only mark on the bottom 1/3 is a printed logo that is not discernible by touch.

At first, I struggled with the battery compartment. The top portion of the Tuyo unscrews slightly to allow you to insert 3 AAA batteries. However, there aren’t any finger indentations that would make it easier to take off. When it comes to replacing it, there are also no indicators to line up the pieces, which would be helpful. The batteries sit pretty tightly in the compartment, but there is a ribbon that sits beneath them to assist in removal. Be careful of projectile batteries.

The round shape makes it incredibly easy to clean and, although it’s not waterproof, I washed it with soap and water without issue. There is no O-ring around the battery compartment but the unique cap seals well. The plastic could easily be sprayed with toy cleaner, and a wipe would work as well. The silicone band does pick up a bit of lint.

It only took me about 30 seconds to realize that Tuyo is exactly what I require in terms of shape and size. It’s definitely bigger around than any toys I have with its 3″ diameter; my fingers are not long enough to wrap all the way around. However, this works really well to stimulate the entire vulva, and I have plenty of room to grasp it without squishing my fingers. It’s incredibly easy to press against myself without causing pain that other shapes can cause and, if it switches position, I needn’t worry. It’s still round on every side. I quickly found myself moving my hips against the Tuyo and orgasming.

It’s also incredibly easy to use. The button is about the size of my fingertip and makes an audible click when I turn it out. There does seem to be some slight lag after initially turning it on, however. There are 3 levels of steady vibration that are pretty diffuse, although they are centered toward the bottom of the toy. These are followed by a slow pulsation, a faster pulsation, a pulsation like a fast heartbeat, a fast-fast-fast-fast-slow pulsation and a throbbing pulsation. The settings are all really neat, but I wouldn’t mind two buttons for back-and-forth options or even just a master power button because that’s eight settings to cycle through, and I find myself using the medium steady vibration most. The vibration is not super buzzy (it doesn’t tickle my hand), except on the highest level of steady vibration. It isn’t super deep either, but because of the awesome shape, I have to rely less on vibration to get off.

But my joy was overshadowed by something I could not ignore: the noise. Tuyo is easily the loudest toy I own. It beats for the Miracle Massager and Ideal, hands down. It sounds like a fucking chainsaw. There is no way in hell I can use it if someone else were in my apartment and people outside my bedroom window or wall could probably still hear it even after I pulled the covers over myself to block some of the noise. And all on 3 AAA batteries. This is simply unacceptable.

Especially because this would become my go to vibrator (in place of Laya Spot) if only the noise were not an issue. I love the shape, the vibrations feel great (and I am usually not a fan of AAA), it’s easy to use and hold, has a solid feel and a comforting weight. It’s also versatile and could be used for body massage. It could be rolled or easily pushed across the skin if that’s your thing. Even outside of its box, it doesn’t scream “vibrator” but.. and this is a big but, it’s so loud it’s just not practical to use.

The only thing I have left to say is this:

Big Teaze Toys, please make a Tuyo 2.0 that is quieter!

8 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Not There

January 17th, 2010

At first, I don’t hear the key in the door. I am busy, distracted by the vibrations against my flesh and my soft moans. The door opens and when it closes, I hear it. I know it is him (who else could unlock that door) and that he will soon find me. I debate turning off and covering up but decide against it. I continue to thrust the toy in and out of my cunt, already slick with arousal and lube.

The atmosphere changes as he almost enters the room, stopping suddenly in the door way. My face is turned away and I pretend not to know he is there. I imagine his mouth hanging open and he’ll swallow his words to take advantage of the situation. I strain to hear him breathe just as he must be straining to control it, keep it quiet.

I moan for effect and slowly pleasure myself with the vibrator. I extract it leisurely from my pussy, running the tip along my lips and doubling back. I rest it against my clit, gasping at the sensation before sliding it back inside my body, angling against my most sensitive spots. I feel myself swell and back off, not yet wanting to release that flood gate.

Just in time, he distracts me, having moved from the door to the bed. His weight shifts the mattress and a shiver runs down my spine. From my position, on hands and knees, I cannot see him and I dare not look over my shoulder. I trail the vibrator from my clit toward my breasts, slowly circling my nipples. He moves closer and I can feel his breath, hot on my skin but not a word is spoken. We both know he is there, we both refuse to acknowledge it.

I tense, almost started at the touch of his fingers, lightly caressing my lips. I rest the toy on the bed, still on, and move my now free hand between my legs, careful not to touch his. I don’t want to break the spell. I plunge several fingers into my vagina. They are eagerly taken in and coated in my juices. I pull them out slowly, sure they are glistening and spread myself wide, sure he is watching. I retreat my hand from its revealed position, grasp the vibrator once more.

He takes the opportunity and I am surprised by his tongue on my clit, zoning in exactly where he needs to be. His tongue flicks and swirls; his lips surround my erect organ and he sucks it into his mouth. I respond with appreciative moans and he buries his face deeper, moaning as well, releasing soft vibrations against my flesh.

Still, we don’t speak, perpetuating the facade. He backs away and adjusts his position. I take the time to slide the vibrator back into my cunt, pushing it against my G-spot. This time I am ready and the pulsations begin the flow. Quickly removing the toy, I push the flood of ejaculate out in a healthy stream. I can feel a hand brush my thigh as he holds it between my legs but not for long. His mouth replaces his hands, drinking of me and he sucks and licks every last drop from my lips and my thighs, leaving them wet with his saliva.

I am empty, but not finished. Not yet. The vibrator finds it way between my legs once more, pushing at my clit. I rub, pressing feverishly to build myself to orgasm. This time he doesn’t touch, at least not me. There is the sound of a zipper, fabric rustling and I know his cock is in hand. I imagine its shape, its size, texture and taste. I am licking my lips without realizing, the sudden fantasy bringing me closer to the edge. I remember how his hard cock feels against me, inside me and pretend the vibrator is as good. It’s not but I pretend, anyway.

We pretend we are alone, he stroking his cock and me with the vibrator pressed against my sex. We are both hot and I am more than sufficiently wet. The bed moves with our movements but I ignore it. I am masturbating furiously as he breathes raggedly. We are both close. As I feel myself about to peak, he moans behind me. I imagine the look on his face as he does, a contorted mixture of pleasure and effort and am sent over the edge myself. I feel the contractions of my muscles, a quick succession of orgasm that fades not long after it begins. I am not immediately aware of the hot cum that he landed on the back of my thighs but it cools quickly and gravity pulls it down my skin.

I turn off the vibrator, drop it between my legs. We are still silent, except for the sound of our heavy breathing and his pants becoming zipped once more. He climbs off the bed and quietly makes his way toward the door. As my heartbeat slows and breathing quiets, I hear the door open and close, once more the sound of keys jingling in the lock.

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Categories: Stories

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Black Glove/Elegant Spanking

January 17th, 2010

Black Glove/Elegant Spanking

Black Glove/Elegant Spanking
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. 

I read a review describing Black Glove/Elegant Spanking, a DVD containing two short films by Maria Beatty, as “like an artsy amateur porn video that the 2 girls should have kept private.” And I pretty much agree.

It’s not that the visuals aren’t stunning. Both pieces are done in black and white, with more than a subtle nod toward the silent film era (despite being released in 1995). The Elegant Spanking even features “title cards” showing the dialogue between Mistress and slave. The filming is well done, if not simple, and it seems a bit grainy to add personality. The Black Glove is especially heavy with shiny instruments and PVC clothing, while garter belts can be seen in both. The image of pearls sliding between pussy lips in The Elegant Spanking is intriguing if nothing else. Yet, the imagery is very specific, so specific that there can be very little middle ground with Black Glove/Elegant Spanking. Either you will love it, or it will not be your thing. And it’s not mine.

I also can’t say that the acts aren’t realistic or intimate. Marie Beatty portrays a submissive in both films, expressing pain and pleasure well even though we can’t hear her voice or breath. In The Elegant Spanking, she lovingly partakes in watersports. It’s as though someone simply popped a camera into Beatty’s BDSM life and recorded these events. Believable and erotic (it’s hard to call anything with so much BDSM anything else), yes. But rising to any sort of climax (literally or figuratively) or otherwise following any sort of standard film time/plotline, no. We don’t know why anything is happening, just that it is, and it’s over without any real sense of resolution. Both movies are more like extended scenes than stand-alone films, and they move quite slowly. I’ll dare call it boring.

From imagery to music/sound and the speed of progress, these films are both incredibly creative. Yet, that artistry can be difficult to understand and detract from the movie.

Such is the case with the music (by John Zorn), which generally reminds me of haunted house background music or the scores of 80s horror flicks. It suggests seriousness calmly, softly in the background. Yet it also negates any drama in the films themselves, especially in scenes where the actors are clearly speaking, but viewers can’t hear it. Like silent films, this one flashes title cards, but it’s obvious that is not what she said (and I’m no lip reader!). At least in The Black Glove, we can hear some sounds from the scene itself, which I prefer greatly. The sound of buckles and foot steps were appreciated. Yet, toward the second half of this scene, the background music/sound switches to something like burning or crackling. It’s much louder than the previous background music, and I find it completely distracting.

And if kink is your thing, these films have plenty. The Elegant Spanking jumps into watersports pretty quickly. There is spanking, of course, as well as shoe/foot fetish. In fact, that plays an important role in both films. Too bad I hate feet. The Black Glove has lots of appropriate PVC; Maria Beatty is hog-tied, and a cane, Wartenberg wheel, clamps, knife, and wax all make an appearance. Most of these implements are rubbed or run over Maria Beatty’s lingerie-clad body, with the focus on her ass and breasts.

Fans of bonus material will be disappointed. The DVD lists a catalog of other Beatty films but was nothing more than a link to Beatty’s now-defunct website.

While artistic, striking in imagery, BDSM oriented, and incredibly intimate, it seems like these films would best be enjoyed by Beatty & Co. themselves. The artistic eroticism is interesting, and these films would probably lend themselves well to an intellectual discussion (perhaps of D/s dynamics). Still, their limited ability to arouse suggests that this film is simply art, not porn. I know that BDSM doesn’t have to include sex but porn probably should. Sometimes there is a grey area between porn and art, but the black-and-white films on this DVD suggest that is not a place Maria Beatty productions will ever be, and that’s okay. I’m just not the sort of person who can appreciate these films. On the other hand, there were a couple of scenes that would lend themselves beautifully to wall art (something which I can better intellectually appreciate). I would much rather have preferred a handful of stills that sum up the feeling of Black Glove/Elegant Spanking than view the DVD itself.

2 Comments

Categories: Media, Reviews

Why Ask a Stranger? (or “Go Talk To Your Partner”)

January 13th, 2010

Having been around the internet a time or two, I’ve sought out advice from others. Who hasn’t? But as my knowledge in just about everything expands, I find myself being the one who offers instead of seeks counsel, more often than not. I don’t mind. In fact, I thrive on it. I love helping people and answering questions. And if my advice works? Excellent. I give myself a little pat on the back and feel hopeful that someone has somehow worked over and issue in their life whether it’s communication within a relationship or just finding the right sex toy for them.

But I have come to notice a certain type of question which I cannot answer – not because I am unfamiliar with the territory or even because I disagree with something that gets someone off. No, the questions that bother me most are the questions about relationships and dynamics and communication which clearly should be asked to a partner, not random strangers on the internet. Don’t get me wrong; it’s good to show initiative. If you want to do something a little extra special, I’ve got ideas. So does everyone else and these ideas are not necessarily dependent on your partner’s tastes or relationship status. But I cannot answer these questions

  • Why is my partner less interested in sex?
  • Why does my partner no longer initiate sex?
  • Does my partner still love me or find me attractive?
  • How do I deal with my partners ED/disability/insecurities without talking to him or her?
  • What does it mean when my partner ignores my advances?

Yet, if your partner’s interest in sex has decrease or his or her attitude has altered suddenly, I cannot tell you why. I just can’t. I’m not your partner. I don’t share his or her stress at work or home. I do not react to things the same way nor do I have the same life experiences. My life influences and brain chemistry are, quite simply, incredibly different. I don’t know what makes your partner tick and, if you’re asking me, it seems like neither do you.

Perhaps the internet offers anonymity when it comes to our problems. We can say “this is going on” without saying “and my name is John Smith and I live in Miami with my wife, 2 children, cat and dog.” Sex is not always the easiest thing to talk about and I understand that but sexual and romantic relationships frequently suffer from lack of or poor communication. Sure, some relationships are completely effortless but most are not. You don’t need to talk to the world about your sex life; you just need to talk to the person(s) with whom you are having sex.

Get off the internet (after all, you signed on to ask your question) and have a heart to heart with your lover. Ask about changes in behaviour or reluctance to do a certain activity. Ask why things are different from how they were in the hot and heavy days or why things just never seemed to pick up from the beginning. Ask your partner how he or she feels and offer a shoulder to cry on. Perhaps you will find that your partner has been struggling with something and you can help.

Your partner may be relieved that you brought up the subject. It offers both of you the opportunity to make improvements, something which cannot be done when one or both partners are in the dark about the other’s feelings. Sometimes we forget that our partners have the same fears and aspirations as we may and we can fight them together, not fight one another because of them. Occasionally, you are positive something is a problem when talking can reveal it to actually be a misunderstanding. You may find that knowing more about your partner may make you feel closer and boosts your confidence in your relationship. Conversely, not speaking about these options frequently only exacerbates the problems.

Of course, there are some guidelines to follow when talking about sexual issues and many of them have to do with when to bring them up or, rather, when not to. Don’t bring up your concerns at any of these inopportune times:

  • Right before sex
  • In the middle of sex
  • Immediately after sex
  • In public (or in front of the in laws)
  • During a fight (especially not as ammunition)
  • When there are distractions (computer, TV, kids, phone, while preparing dinner et cetera)

Every effort should be made to express your feelings and concerns without putting blame on your lover. Pay attention to your partner’s responses, both verbal and nonverbal. Body language can serve as a guide to the success (or lack there of) of your discussion. Allow your partner to speak freely and avoid making assumptions; ask for clarification when need be. Finally, be open to suggestions. Ask how things can be improved and avoid dictating measures your partner “must” or “should” do. After all, you probably don’t want to be commanded yourself.

Unfortunately, sometimes knowing what is going on in a partner’s heart or mind (or pants) can pose problems that we cannot overcome. Sometimes talking paints a clear picture but it’s not of a happy ending (Cinderella style, not massage). I think sometimes people reach out to strangers, looking for a way to deal with symptoms of larger problems rather than admitting to themselves or their partners, all so they can continue to avoid the inevitable. But sometimes the inevitable (especially when it’s a parting of ways), although difficult in the present, offers the best possible future.

Either way, talking to your partner will truly shed light on a situation. It may not be the best light. Let’s face it, the truth is not always comfortable but the truth, as they say, can set us free.

I am just a stranger on the internet who has no ideas what is really going on in your head or in your bed.

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Categories: Articles

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Pink Silicone Lube

January 7th, 2010

Pink Lube
$10.99 from Amazon

You may not know it, but I like pink—the colour. I’m also sort of a musician, too, but that’s not related. I first heard of Pink Lubricant years ago, but I’m not sure where. The attractive bottles drew my attention, and it stayed drawn for some years. However, I don’t use a lot of lube, so I never needed to buy it. However, I decided it might be the right time to try it out when Babeland offered Pink Silicone Lube for review.

The larger bottles of Pink lubricant are packaged in glass and look much like perfume. The 1.7oz bottle I received, although not glass, still looks pretty classy with its frosted plastic. I like it, but it’s less discreet than the glass style. The bottle is pump-style with a small cap over the pump to prevent spilling, and the whole thing comes wrapped in plastic (yay). I’ll be honest here.. Between unwrapping the plastic and using the lube, I have no idea where the plastic cap went. So, it would be useful if I could find it, but I can’t, and I have no recollection of taking it off. Chances are, the cats go to it, and it’s under some piece of furniture because it’s small and fun if you’re of the feline variety.

Now, my experience with silicone lubes is really limited. I’ve used 2 including Wet Platinum and the one included in Wet Together. The former experience was downright dreadful as I experienced some sort of reaction but the latter was fairly nice in lubricant properties (not so much as a sensation product, though!). Reviews of Pink are generally pretty high and I figured, maybe silicone lube really is worth it.

My first impression was a bit odd. I guess I was expecting the lube to feel like water-based lube does, you know, wet. It didn’t. It felt sort of greasy, and I kept pumping at first because I had no idea how much was in my hand. The next thing I noticed was how incredibly thin this lube is, which is something I usually associated with silicone lubes, although I do prefer lubricants that are slightly more gelatinous in nature. Also, the pump could jut out a bit more, like a long lotion pump does, because now it just sort of dribbles down the side of the pump/bottle. You have to tip it to avoid that.

So I wasn’t a huge fan of this on my hand but, to be honest, it’s quite slick and has much more staying power than water-based lube. A little goes a long way, and it doesn’t get sticky as it dries out. Plus, my hand isn’t my pussy – and I don’t want it to be. For actual toy or penis penetration, this lube did work decently. It made it quite frictionless, but it feels less natural than water-based lubricants seem to feel. It was as if there was a thin layer of incredibly slick plastic inside of me; sure, it reduces friction but I felt as though something was between my husband and myself. I’ve never even felt that way with condoms.

With toys, this was definitely less noticeable. It didn’t feel quite so.. barrier-like, which is great, but I’m not going to pay $15 for silicone lubricant for toys alone, you know? I really wanted this for actual intercourse. Plus, the parent company makes a water-based lube for use with toys.

To be fair, Pink Silicone Lube is not horrible. I did not experience irritation with it like I did Wet Platinum, and besides silicones, the only ingredients are Vitamin E and aloe vera, which seems to make it pretty healthy to me. I just really didn’t love the way it feels, which is entirely a personal preference. Maybe I’m just not built for silicone lubes (are there any that feel.. not so silicone-y? LOL). It is worth a try, however, if you do like silicone-based lubes.

4 Comments

Categories: Lube, Reviews

What conspiracy is this?

January 3rd, 2010

At best, my flirtation with dolphin toys has been mediocre. Why is that? And why did it suck this time?

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Categories: Everything Else

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BSoft

December 31st, 2009

Bsoft

Bsoft
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

When the Bsoft first came out, I was intrigued. The unique shape still reminds me of the Jetsons, and I am always drawn toward original clitoral vibes. The reviews came out and none of them really raved. The lack of power was mentioned consistently, along with a few other issues that I, too, have now had the chance to experience firsthand.

It’s difficult to describe the shape of the Bsoft accurately. If one were to draw the Bsoft from either the top or bottom, it’s sort of pear-shaped, wider toward the center, with curved points on either end. The slightly sharper point is capped with a plastic cover to protect the port for the charger cord (like the ports on your phone or camera might be covered). As nearly every review has mentioned, this cap does not fit snugly and is constantly flipping up and around. I had to rearrange it several times during use; in fact, it was off right out of the box. It stays on because it is attached; however. Some folks have cut theirs off, but I’m wary of water or lubes getting into the vibrator, so I’ve kept mine on.

The design of this toy means only one side can really be used for stimulation. The side with the controls had a sleek border in blue (or pink or purple) around a center piece of more silver plastic where sit the 3 control buttons. The buttons are round, made of soft grey plastic and sit slightly higher than the plastic that surrounds them. There is a slight clicking which can be heard then they are pressed and they’re significantly larger than the controls on most toys which makes it incredibly easy to use. There is a master power switch and a plus and minus button. Bsoft starts at a low steady vibration, increases to a medium and tops off with one more level. There are 4 modes of pulsation, escalation and even a mix. But, because the vibrations are so high pitched, they tend to tickle rather than to deeply satisfy. Putting pressure on the vibe also seems to dull the vibrations.

The stimulating side would be the side which is made of hard, silver plastic. It’s entirely smooth, except for a seam about 1/2 an inch down from the plastic cover. This seam is definitely a place that can collect gunk, and I would carefully clean it with a damp Q-tip because of its proximity to the port. I do everything I can to prevent soap and water from getting in there (the loose cover doesn’t provide help), and toy wipes would probably be the best option for cleaning.

The hard plastic rises to create a soft ridge in the middle. It runs from the top where the cap is, gradually lowering toward the other end, where it diminishes toward a gentle curve and the vibrator is thinner. It is here that the vibrations are strongest, and I guess this area is intended to be used against the body. Although the sides of the ridge and the curving end are slightly broader when compared to the ridge itself, I really didn’t find any part of the Bsoft optimum for getting the pressure I like. Of course, the capped end really shouldn’t/couldn’t be used for stimulation either.

However, the entire piece fit fairly well nestled between my lips, which I liked. Because the entire toy curves slightly toward the back, the non-cap end stimulated the entrance of my vagina. If it were a bit longer, it would likely hit my G-spot but just missed it. I think the Bsoft would be more effective if it were simply a bit smaller. It measures 6″ long, 2.5″ at the widest, and about 1.5″ deep at the thickest. A smaller size, in addition to more of a soft curve instead of the ridge on the back would enable me to grind this toy against myself and still take advantage of how it fits against the vulva.

The Bsoft is super light because it requires no batteries. While the quality seems generally good, I find myself distrustful of toys that are so light. This vibrator comes charged, and I have yet to recharge it, although I used it for 20 minutes tops. The DC charger easily plugs into the toy and fits into any typical (American) socket. There is no indicator light, and the instruction manual does not say how long the vibrator needs to be charged but does say not to charge it for over 24 hours or to use it during charging.

The vibe comes with a fabric pouch (which is almost fleecy on the inside) to protect the plastic of the Bsoft, which seems to scratch easily (like an iPod). The bag is thicker than that which came with my BNaughty but isn’t what I would consider plush (perhaps the thickness of some flannel).

The unique shape of the Bsoft seems to be inspired by reality but is just a bit too surreal to provide the stimulation that I need to orgasm. Combined with the buzzy vibes, I can’t see it being useful for much more than warm up, which is a shame because few vibes seem to be designed to complement the vulva (and not just the clit). I recently bought Bswish’s newest clit vibe – BCurious – and I am definitely curious to see how it pairs up with this first effort.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.