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Media Reviews

Naked.com

Naked.com

Naked.com
$24.95/month from Naked.com

Naked is another BangBros property, but it’s a little different from Dancing Bear. The free website is a live cam girl site, where you can log on and find a lady who catches your eyes. Then, you can chat with her and other viewers. The women are usually in lingerie or naked, and they flirt and chat on cam, while you can encourage them to do more or go private if you pay via the tip system. Each cam performer has a set of featured photos that all free members can use. IF you want a one-on-one cam session, you’ll have to pay. It’s pretty standard as far as live sex sites go.

There’ve been several dozen models on every time I’ve checked it out. They’re mostly females; however, the website actually has sections for SheMales, MILFs, BBWs and Latinas. Those are all technically females, so the categories seem a little arbitrary, but it’ll make it easier to find what you’re looking for. The girls category itself is split up into age, content and physical characteristic groups.

The videos all play within your browser, so there’s nothing to download. They all loaded almost instantly for me, which is awesome. However, the quality will vary depending upon the model’s webcam, and they sometimes don’t position them in the best. The same quality issues all affect audio. By default, the videos load in a pretty small area; although, you can click to expand them. Low-quality videos will look better smaller, of course.

You can sign up for the premium Nake membership to download or play HD videos. This uses the same hub as Dancing Bear, so I won’t rehash everything. The premium membership offers actual porn featuring some of the Naked girls, rather than the cam-from-home style. It’s probably the best way to get more from your favorite Naked model. The membership goes for the same $24.95 per month as Dancing Bear.

This cam sex website is more up my alley. It’s a little easier to find something that I personally like, and I prefer watching a woman masturbate or even just hearing her chat to the CFNM style of Dancing Bear. Nake is surprisingly easy to use, and it seems like there’s always someone on the website. There’s even a supportive community feel that the other chatters provide as they communicate and chat with Naked’s models. The categories allow you to navigate pretty easily.

Obviously, registering gives you access to your own username, which some models require before you can participate in chat. Loading your account with tips will allow you to request activities and poses of the models. However, Nake is also a pretty good source of quick and dirty masturbation fodder. Your luck may be more hit or miss if you go the free way, however. There’s sometimes more talk than action but, then again, you can always open your wallet to solve that problem.

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Media Reviews

Dancing Bear


$24.95/month from Dancing Bear

I may be a sex toy reviewer, and I may have enjoyed some porn in my time, but I’m definitely not familiar with all the Internet has to offer. After all, if it exists, porn can be made of it, or so they say. This appears to be the case with the folks behind Dancing Bear. The website offers CFNM Movies, which stands for “clothed female, naked male” and the naked male is actually some guy with a stuffed bear head who visits bachelorette parties and the like. It’s really not for me, personally. I prefer more penetration and naked everyone.

So the front page gives you a pretty good idea of what’s going on. Crazy college girls and women enjoying a night on the town get to watch the Dancing Bear shake and strip. It doesn’t lead to PIV sex, as far as I saw, but there’s a lot of oral–by them, to him–and sometimes anal. It’s not necessarily ‘softcore’, but I can see why it would be right up someone’s alley.

Content aside, the website is pretty typical. The main domain has a splash page, featuring images from videos. The bear is ripped, yo. You click past that to see some sample videos and images but, of course, the real deal is the membership. An ugly, giant blue link tells you how to get your password. The same link allows you to log-in; although, you have to click yet another link to finally sign in. It’s a bit annoying.

A 2-Day trial costs just $1, which I think is a pretty fair price. If you don’t like it, you’re only out a buck. The monthly membership is more affordable, at $24.95, while a year subscription is the most wallet friendly at just under $10 per month.

Once you sign up and log in, you’re brought to a hub powered by BangBros, the folks behind this Party CFNM website. The member’s areas shows what other people are watching and, by default, the newest Dancing Bear vids. You can re-organize it, of course, so if you’d prefer to see the most liked videos from the past month, that’s possible. It’s all pretty standard and easy to use.

If you just subscribe to dancing bears, you’ll see links to other genres or porn and stars, which may not be part of your membership. This could potentially become confusing; however, clicking these links will bring you to a page to purchase that additional content.

When you find the movie that you want to watch, you have multiple options. SD or HD videos are available, depending upon your monitor and Internet connection. You can also download a trailer, which is a feature that I like, or browse by chapters to find the exact content that will get you off. Dancing Bear allows you to easily navigate between full movies, trailers and chapters, which is handy.

You’re able to download videos in multiple file types to save for later, or view the MP4s in your browser, which I had no trouble doing. Some videos had only WMP files, which prompted Chrome to allow them to run. I’m not sure what exactly is up with the inconsistency. However, I experienced no lag for the light or medium videos on my cable connection.

The HD movies had no lag, but they didn’t load fast enough for me to skip through them, which is to be expected. The HD isn’t actually pixel-perfect HD, in my opinion. It’s good quality but could be better.

All of the videos have an amateur feel to them. Many seem to come from cameras that are mounted on a wall as to be out of the way, and the lighting isn’t always the best, but it’s far better than some porn I’ve seen. There’s no plot, and a lot of yelling from the watchers, so you may not love this type of porn if you prefer sensuous music or to hear the performers moan. On the other hand, it’ll sort of sound like you’re watching a sports match and not some porn. If you do find one that you especially like, you can add it to your favorites with ease.

Of course, the women aren’t performers, but the Dancing Bear men are. You can sometimes tell, as the man moves the women out of the way for the better camera angle. There’s definitely an air of “I’m just getting paid for this”, sometimes. Everyone has fun, and there’s a lot of laughter, but it’s not as genuine as some people might like. For example, I didn’t see a single clit get rubbed. So sad.

I think the following image depicts this critique pretty well:

I did have some trouble viewing the screencaps and videos in Firefox and Internet Explorer. Some scripts didn’t work and IE didn’t want to play the MP4 videos, but that might simply be an issue with plug-ins on my end. Everything was smooth in Chrome. However, I noticed a significant number of broken images and videos when I tried to look at movies in chapter view, which was my favorite. This definitely disappoints. Depending upon how your browser handles broken images, this might simply seem like the page isn’t fully loaded.

Ultimately, Dancing Bear might be your cup of tea, and the website is easy enough to use. It has all the features of comparable sites. However, the inconsistent file types and broken videos and images really drag it down and make it seem unprofessional.

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Media Reviews

GUSH: The Official Guide to the G-Spot & Female Ejaculation

GUSH

GUSH
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued item but you may still be able to buy it secondhand.

My first experience with an instructional DVD was interesting–well, sort of. I didn’t really know what to expect with Gush: The Official Guide to the G-spot and Female Ejaculation. I guess I expected some video with someone narrating it. It’s not that.

What Gush is is a look into a radio show called Interview with Dr. Carol Queen, whom you may have heard of (I’ve read some erotica by her!). The good doctor answers a question or two from callers about G-spot techniques and toys and ejaculating and other related issues, live on Swirl Radio with Michelle Meow. The calls are broken up by scenes between one or two performers each. The women and/or their partners (both male and female) are providing stimulation to the G-spot to work toward orgasm and ejaculation. After this goal is achieved, the scene tends to end; however, a few of them go for multiple orgasms/ejaculations.

The calls were helpful, and I liked the way Carol Queen answered questions informatively while remaining friendly. Her answers gave helpful suggestions but she steered clear from saying that any technique or toy worked for all women–which I like. A lot of G-spot advice has a tendency to come off as one-size-fits-all in a way that can make you feel failure-iffic if you’re a little different from the norm. I know this because I fall into that category, so Ms Queen’s suggestions were quite helpful, especially if you’re new to G-spot exploration.

I can’t really say the same about the scenes in between. They would probably be more helpful to someone with less G-spot experience but there wasn’t anything new to me. Nor did I necessarily find them to be useful as masturbation fodder. All of the actors–save one–were incredibly unattractive to me, and that really distracted me from the experience. I found myself waiting for the scenes to pass in the beginning and simply skipping them toward the end. One thing I noticed was that the scenes became really repetitious. Most of them focused one oral sex with manual G-spot stimulation and perhaps this is for a reason. Carol Queen does say that this is one of the easiest ways for a woman to achieve ejaculation. Still, I was done with it before the first scene ended.

Production-wise, I have to say that the calls seemed much quieter than the instructional scenes. I was constantly reaching for the remote as I watched this film, and that was pretty aggravating. It comes off as a bit.. unprofessional. I get the same feel from the cover. The scheme is pink and black against white, and I can dig that–but it’s extremely homegrown in feel. Good Vibes should consider spending a bit more time polishing up their productions’ look and feel.

Gush: The Official Guide to the G-spot & Female Ejaculation is probably best geared toward those who are just adventuring into G-spot land. I can’t say that any of the answers necessarily taught me anything that I could put into play. It was all old news to me. It’s all pretty easily summed up in a couple of paragraphs on a website or in a pamphlet, too. If you’re not necessarily looking for some sexy G-spot scenes, I’d probably steer you in the direction of a book, like this one or even the Good vibes Guide to the G-spot book, rather than this film.

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Media Reviews

SexToy.com Video on Demand

SexToy VOD

SexToy VOD
from Store.OfSexAndLove.com

I do not watch a lot of porn. Nor do I watch it for long periods of time when I do enjoy it. For this reason, video on demand services seem really appealing. I like the idea of being able to pay by the minute. I decided to give Sextoy.com’s service a shot.

When I first logged in, I immediately recognized the software as the same program that powers another VOD site I’ve used. This means I was already familiar with the site, but it does make it a bit less.. unique than other sites. It’s similar to my last affiliate program review; I can’t knock a service because they use popular software but it doesn’t help with branding.

I’m going to be honest here and say there are almost too many options. So I’ll highlight a few of the good points for you.

Account Center
When you’re logged in, your account info including remaining minutes and link to your favorites and saved items is displayed on the top left.
Search Options
You can search by title or actor
Recent Additions
The right sidebar shows the most recent additions.
Video Preferences
You can specify your preference for gay or straight films
Language Settings
There are multiple language settings

There are a lot of films already displayed on the front page which gives people who are not so familiar with porn–like me–an idea of what they might like. If I want to see the most popular stars or films (even by category), I can do so. There are pages that divide the title by category, studio, star, and more. There’s even a glossary to explain what terms mean and to direct you to the type of films you’d like best.

And when you click any specific film, you’re given a lot of useful information, including stars, run time, and description. Many (maybe all) listings have a scene directory with screencaps so you can browse in individual scenes if you’d like. There is a tab with extensive cast information and viewers can choose the quality of their streaming video (Low, Medium, High, Ultra and Mega); although only certain titles are available in all qualities.

But I have a few gripes, too, and most of them are not so easy to list.

My biggest complaint is that there is simply too damned much going on. I don’t know how much this software can be customized, but there are so many options that it can really be intimidating. It is to me even though I have used it before. The front page has dozens of links and images, and it’s almost to the point of being offensive. I wish there were a streamlined version with fewer suggestions. This would be much more helpful to me.

The focus is on films, which tend to be the type that can be summed up as this “Adjective Body-Part Pt #.” You know, all those series that just seem a little tacky. And those are great for some people but it takes a little more time and patience to find more quality films, IMO. I did find some which might be a little more up the porn snob’s alley. Tristan Taormino films, as well as some by Candida Royalle. The more time I spent looking, the easier it was to find some movies that at least looked interesting to save for later.

The video player itself leaves something to be desired. It’s functional but not intuitive. Video plays in a pop-up, and there is a flash player who looks something like WMP. Of course, since it’s streaming, it takes some time to load. You can skip ahead, but it’ll need time to buffer as well. If you prefer you can actually watch the film in WMP, which might be a better idea. I find the player to be a bit frustrating in Firefox. It’s not fully supported, so I can’t click the link to view all the scenes. Firefox also shows extra options for rating and sizing, which other browsers do. Of course, this is not the fault of FF but of the coders.

But it’s mostly functional. I can pop out the video to full screen; although, even on “Ultra,” very few films are high-quality enough for me to do so without annoyance. The content could use a little TLC. I guess I supposed that I would get not only a clearer picture if I chose a higher quality setting but a larger one, too. Not so. This seems like a no-brainer so me, but, like I said, I’m not a porn aficionado. The options which are not available in Firefox allow the user to zoom, but in my browser of choice, I only have regular and full-screen options.

I think that SexToyTV is definitely useful for those who like to watch porn on their computers and don’t mind sacrificing a little quality or having to take time to get to know the site. I typically prefer porn which requires a little less effort. Sometimes the desire to watch porn actually leaves me before I find something suitable. If you plan to try it out, I’d make most of your purchases in bulk. As can be expected, you get a better discount that way ($.09/minute as compared to $.20/minute). It’s maybe not my perfect porn solution, though.

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Media Reviews

Black Glove/Elegant Spanking

Black Glove/Elegant Spanking

Black Glove/Elegant Spanking
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. 

I read a review describing Black Glove/Elegant Spanking, a DVD containing two short films by Maria Beatty, as “like an artsy amateur porn video that the 2 girls should have kept private.” And I pretty much agree.

It’s not that the visuals aren’t stunning. Both pieces are done in black and white, with more than a subtle nod toward the silent film era (despite being released in 1995). The Elegant Spanking even features “title cards” showing the dialogue between Mistress and slave. The filming is well done, if not simple, and it seems a bit grainy to add personality. The Black Glove is especially heavy with shiny instruments and PVC clothing, while garter belts can be seen in both. The image of pearls sliding between pussy lips in The Elegant Spanking is intriguing if nothing else. Yet, the imagery is very specific, so specific that there can be very little middle ground with Black Glove/Elegant Spanking. Either you will love it, or it will not be your thing. And it’s not mine.

I also can’t say that the acts aren’t realistic or intimate. Marie Beatty portrays a submissive in both films, expressing pain and pleasure well even though we can’t hear her voice or breath. In The Elegant Spanking, she lovingly partakes in watersports. It’s as though someone simply popped a camera into Beatty’s BDSM life and recorded these events. Believable and erotic (it’s hard to call anything with so much BDSM anything else), yes. But rising to any sort of climax (literally or figuratively) or otherwise following any sort of standard film time/plotline, no. We don’t know why anything is happening, just that it is, and it’s over without any real sense of resolution. Both movies are more like extended scenes than stand-alone films, and they move quite slowly. I’ll dare call it boring.

From imagery to music/sound and the speed of progress, these films are both incredibly creative. Yet, that artistry can be difficult to understand and detract from the movie.

Such is the case with the music (by John Zorn), which generally reminds me of haunted house background music or the scores of 80s horror flicks. It suggests seriousness calmly, softly in the background. Yet it also negates any drama in the films themselves, especially in scenes where the actors are clearly speaking, but viewers can’t hear it. Like silent films, this one flashes title cards, but it’s obvious that is not what she said (and I’m no lip reader!). At least in The Black Glove, we can hear some sounds from the scene itself, which I prefer greatly. The sound of buckles and foot steps were appreciated. Yet, toward the second half of this scene, the background music/sound switches to something like burning or crackling. It’s much louder than the previous background music, and I find it completely distracting.

And if kink is your thing, these films have plenty. The Elegant Spanking jumps into watersports pretty quickly. There is spanking, of course, as well as shoe/foot fetish. In fact, that plays an important role in both films. Too bad I hate feet. The Black Glove has lots of appropriate PVC; Maria Beatty is hog-tied, and a cane, Wartenberg wheel, clamps, knife, and wax all make an appearance. Most of these implements are rubbed or run over Maria Beatty’s lingerie-clad body, with the focus on her ass and breasts.

Fans of bonus material will be disappointed. The DVD lists a catalog of other Beatty films but was nothing more than a link to Beatty’s now-defunct website.

While artistic, striking in imagery, BDSM oriented, and incredibly intimate, it seems like these films would best be enjoyed by Beatty & Co. themselves. The artistic eroticism is interesting, and these films would probably lend themselves well to an intellectual discussion (perhaps of D/s dynamics). Still, their limited ability to arouse suggests that this film is simply art, not porn. I know that BDSM doesn’t have to include sex but porn probably should. Sometimes there is a grey area between porn and art, but the black-and-white films on this DVD suggest that is not a place Maria Beatty productions will ever be, and that’s okay. I’m just not the sort of person who can appreciate these films. On the other hand, there were a couple of scenes that would lend themselves beautifully to wall art (something which I can better intellectually appreciate). I would much rather have preferred a handful of stills that sum up the feeling of Black Glove/Elegant Spanking than view the DVD itself.

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Media Reviews

Fallen

Fallen

Fallen

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

I am a relative porn newbie, I admit it. Most of my porn watching has been done with short clips found for free online and, usually, that covers my needs. I thought I’d get to know porn a bit more with Fallen because the cover really intrigued me. It was well done, and this award-nominated porn flick has been praised for its unique and expensive approach to pornography. Maybe it’s just my lack of expertise or my particular tastes, but I have no idea what these people are praising and celebrating.

Granted, Fallen is presented grandly. It comes in a larger-than-average case that is only slightly smaller than your average sheet of printer paper. The inside flaps give some insight into the bonus discs (there are 4 discs, including the feature title), and a regular DVD case holding these discs sits inside. Both cases feature an image of Jessica Drake – the lead actress – with wings and arms spread in a scant white dress. It’s not exactly family-friendly, but it’s on par with some movie covers, and you could potentially get away with it sitting with the rest of your movie collection – as long as you toss the larger, which is pretty ostentatious.

Fallen is a Wicked Productions film that revolves around the plot of Angel, an angel banished to Earth after her charge met an untimely death. Angel thus loses herself in sex and, in the end, tries to redeem herself. And it works, sort of. I know many appreciate the acting in this film, and there are a lot of non-sex scenes, which makes it seem like they’re aiming for the couple’s and women’s porn market, but the acting is really not all that great. Maybe it’s good when you consider it’s a porn star, and Brad Armstrong does manage to play a generally likable guy in the second half of the movie, but Jessica Drake falls flat and talks with a strangely breathless monotonous voice as she narrates the movie.

And that would be okay if all the sex scenes themselves were not so incredibly uninspired. Most of the scenes involve PIV sex with anus fingering. That seems to be the running theme. Sure, there are position swaps, some lesbian sex, and an MFM trio, but they all seem hash ups of what we’ve seen before. There were only two scenes that really caught my eye – the first scene between Jessica Drake and Brad Armstrong where he puts a little more thought into performing oral on her to a wonderful jazzy background and a scene where Angel is watching another woman in a sex booth (which either turns to sex between the two or perhaps Angel just imagines it). But the novelty soon faded after more than a few minutes of the same thing happening in each scene. Maybe I have a short attention span but they seemed to drone on forever.

As did the entire movie which runs almost 3 hours. I really wanted to watch it in one sitting and I know a lot of people don’t do that. I just couldn’t. It took 3 or so sittings and, by the end, I was fast forwarding through it just to see how it ends. The ending actually reminds me a bit of Hancock in theme and revolves completely around the plot, but I quickly grew tired of the plot and poor acting, if you couldn’t already tell.

I am also unsatisfied by the pitiful excuse they call oral sex and manual stimulation on a female. It seemed like it was all just thrown in to look good for the camera but it was always sloppy and short, two things I cannot stand in my own sex life. I found it hard to believe any of the countless stars were having any fun, and the ridiculously fake moans only convinced me more. It’s hard to believe anyone actually enjoyed making this movie. It’s all so contrived. Luckily, there is an option to turn off the moans and only have music play, and I must say, the music is chosen rather well. Still, it’s kind of odd not to hear any moaning.

As long as I’m talking about music, I had quite a difficult time hearing Jessica Drake’s breathy voice over the background music, which is the main reason I lost track of the plot. The sound techs need to do a better job next time.

The box talks about the unique style of Brad Armstrong, who also directed Fallen, and it may be a step above most porn, but it’s also distracting at times. In the scene with Jessica and Brad, which I initially liked, I grew frustrated with all the fading to black, and many scenes are washed out from natural light, which may be on purpose, but I feel that using professional lighting would have really been the better move. On the subject of style, I originally liked Angel’s costume on the cover but soon came to realize that most of her outfits look straight off the Hot Topic website. Uninspired, again.

You won’t find many actresses who stray from the typical blond and big-breasted stereotype, either. Jessica Drake certainly fits it to a T as do most of the countless other porn stars. I don’t know many porn stars from face alone but they all blended together and there were so many actors/actresses simply in for one sex scene that they never struck a chord with me.

I have to say that there is quite a lot of bonus material including a digital copy of the movie, deleted scenes and the ability to choose from multiple endings. You can control Angel’s destiny which I find really cool but I was so wiped from having to watch almost 3 hours of uninspired sex and acting that I honestly could not force myself to watch more. However, if you like Fallen I bet you would enjoy these features immensely.

So, is Fallen really all that and a bag of chips? Maybe if you like your porn typical-but-with-a-bit-of-plot. Maybe if you have a thing for Jessica Drake or Brad Armstrong. Maybe if you want something a little different but still inside the box. Maybe if you like to flip from scene to scene without watching the whole thing. Maybe if you’re not me. Pirates is much more my kind of big-budget porn.