Below you’ll find all of the sex toy reviews I’ve written at Of Sex and Love. Find my opinions on vibrators, dildos, media (sex education books, porn, DVDs and erotica), bondage and BDSM gear, lingerie, anal toys, lube, massage products, and more!
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Dai-Do #5
This is an archived review of a discontinued product.
I fell in love with this entire line of metal dildos when B3 released them. They all looked sleek and refined but, unfortunately, were not received with as much enthusiasm from everyone else. The reviews were generally lukewarm so I held off from adding any pieces to my collection. Still, my curiosity was piqued, and I decided to give Dai-Do #5 a try. I haven’t had a lot of success with bulby toys but I really like the idea of the design and I wasn’t sure I would like the other designs.
The Dai-Do line is made of aluminum and stainless steel and the first thing I noticed was how incredibly heavy the Dai-Do #5 felt. It is “only” 14oz but it feels heavier than that and perhaps heavier than any of the other metal toys I have. The condensed shape means the bulk of the weight fall into a short length and is especially focused on the largest ball (the handle end) of the dildo instead of being more evenly spread throughout the toy. The weight is distributed more evenly with both the Pure Wand and Alumina Revolve. Some people like weightier toys, but this definitely could pose a problem if you have bone or joint issues.
My Dai-Do #5 came in a deep red and the ball shapes reflect the world around it like looking at a stack of glass Christmas tree bulbs. It’s a fantastic-looking piece, and I am not sure any photos can actually depict how it will appear to the naked eye. The pieces also come in black, but I thought they might look flat, so I opted for red.
At the very end of the handle, the B3 logo is painted and can be felt with a finger. I have not been able to scratch it off but that might be possible to do over time. Around the center of the largest ball is a black silicone “grip” onto which is attached a metal plaque with the B3 logo. The band itself is soft and slightly flexible but, obviously, there isn’t much give because it is surrounding metal. There is a thin, silver band on either side of the silicone for an overall sleek look and the “slip resistant” band-aids in grasping the toy. However, there are some nooks and crannies within the area which could harbor unseen bacteria but this area is probably not going to super exposed to fluids because…
The ball is huge. The diameter is around 2″ which makes it pretty much useless, maybe not completely because I am sure it could be inserted with proper warm up and lube but it is not designed for that. In comparison, the insertable portion of the shaft is both tiny (the largest bulb is 1.6″ in diameter) and short (3.5″) because the ball detracts from the overall length. While the larger end is supposed to aid in wielding the dildo in the palm of your hand, I found the opposite to be true. It is bulky enough that it can hinder more detailed movements; although rotating the shaft or moving it in a circular motion works well. The lack of length can also hinder thrusting. However, this dildo would be pretty anal-safe, but since I do not own a P-spot, I cannot discuss its effectiveness in that manner.
With the handle pressed right up to the entrance of the vagina, it’s a bit difficult to feel the largest bulb. The smaller balls feel, too small. The sensation is a bit harsh to me and disappointing. The shaft definitely feels smaller than it looks, and those looking for girth may be disappointed. When I was able to adjust the angle to achieve some thrusting, it was difficult to stimulate the exact spots I wanted and my G-spot is shallow and easy to reach. Dai-Do #5 is just not the perfect, universal G-spot dildo.
However, the slick metal makes insertion a breeze with little prep or lubrication. I would stick to water-based just in case some gets on the silicone grip. The gradually increasing balls aid in insertion as well. I also enjoy how cool this metal dildo feels during initial insertion (it remains quite cool during storage) but temperature could easily be altered with warm water or potentially warming/cooling products.
The dildo is also easy to clean. I frequently used Afterglow wipes and the surface wipes clean easily. Soap and water washing will also do the trick, but I have heard some personal accounts about the metal reacting strangely to boiling, so I would not advise going that route. Use a bleach solution to wipe, instead, if sterilization is your end.
B3 has included a satin bag with their Dai-Do line of toys. I find the ribbons that cinch it are designed a little oddly, and there is definitely more length than is necessary. It’s still functional but a little.. odd.
I think I would have enjoyed the Dai-Do #5 more if so much of it wasn’t dedicated to being a handle so that the insertable portion of the shaft was both longer and girthier. A smaller “handle” would have made it easier for me to wield. However, someone else might love the feel as well as the polished look, the ability to incorporate temperature play and the ease of cleaning and insertion.
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Bubbles
$74
from Store.OfSexAndLove.com
This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.
Bubbles is a cute, albeit short, G-spot vibrator available in fitting bubblegum pink. It gets its name from its appearance – a series of bulbs on the shaft that look like bubbles. Typical of most Fun Factory vibrators, the silicone of Bubbles is soft and pliable; although, the core of the toy is not, so the shaft is not uber flexible. Toward the end, the bubbles are pure, soft silicone so the head can be flexed a bit this way and that. Although Bubbles might look almost fluffy in photos, it is not that soft.
Unlike many G-spot toys (like the Orchid G), Bubbles is wider and more filling. While I do not particularly enjoy super thin toys, I found the specific shape, size, and perhaps even material of this vibrator to be difficult to maneuver and insert, even with an abundant amount of water-based lube and arousal. Bubbles will probably be a better fit for someone whose G-spot is not as shallow as mine; I usually prefer a less angled head than that on this vibrator and the fit was just not comfortable where I needed the vibrator to sit. In addition to this, Bubbles may be too short to reach some G-spots because it is only insertable 4.5 inches.
Because of the separate bulges, Bubbles has a variety of widths. It seems to be wider right where it curves (the second to last “bubble”), and it has a diameter of 1.6″. The lower bubbles are around the same girth, while the bubble on the end is slightly smaller with a 1.5″ diameter. Obviously, it is less girthy between the bubbles, but this seems to make it harder for me to maneuver. Having such a wide bulge at the curve point also hinders movement.
Although the shape was not ideal, I found the vibrations satisfactory. They are not incredibly deep and do not quite compare with the Sinfflut Intensity (also from Fun Factory), but are fairly strong, especially for a toy of its size. There multiple settings of vibration are controlled by two buttons: one which powers on the toy/increases vibration and one which decreases vibration/turns off the toy. The symbols are embossed into the silicone itself and you have to press through it to control the toy. I found this to be a little difficult as the softer silicone requires an exact touch, and my fingernails frequently get in the way. I would much prefer hard plastic buttons at the base.
There are about 6 modes of steady vibration. Toward the higher settings, they do tend to blend together. There are also three pulsating modes, which are essentially slow pulse, medium pulse, and fast pulse. I do not think my Bubbles originally pulsated correctly at first but it does now.
In use, Bubbles is not whisper-quiet but would probably not be heard through a closed door even on the higher settings.
Bubbles is also unique because it is part of Fun Factory’s line of new click-and-charge vibrators. These rechargeable vibrators run on an internal battery and connect to a magnetic charger at their base (which is small, rounded, and plastic, so it may become slippery during use), which then plugs into the wall. The toy and charger have Fun Factory logos that must be lined up. When charging, a red light on the charger indicates status but my charger actually seems to have a broken light (but it still works).
The toy does come charged which is a plus. Although it says these toys should be charged before first use (and that charge can take up to 6 hours), I did not charge mine. The manual states that the toy can be used for approximately 1 hour on the highest setting. I used it 2 – 3 times before charging it, and it definitely did not lose any strength. Bubbles can’t be used while charging; it will switch off. The setup does not allow a toy to be ruined by overcharging, which is always nice.
Because there are no ports or holes or anything of the sort, Bubbles is completely waterproof and can be played with in the shower or bath. This also makes cleaning a cinch because the soft silicone will attract lint that is hard to remove with cleaning wipes or sprays. I find running water does the trick much better.
While my anatomy did not love Bubbles, it is a quality toy and the click and charge system is pretty awesome. I definitely want to check out other BiMini vibes from Fun Factory.
Beyond 1 G-spot Vibrator
N/A
from
This is an archived review of a discontinued product.
If this G-spot vibrator looks familiar, it’s probably because it was designed akin to Ophoria’s Beyond 3 dildo except, where the dildo has an “S” shape with a loop at the base for maneuverability (or inserting a bullet), the vibrator has a straighter base that houses the batteries. Otherwise, both toys share an enlarged and rounded head intended to stimulate the G-spot. They are both quality made, out of silicone (although the Beyond 1 cannot be boiled to sterilize because of the mechanical parts) and have three soft ridges on the shaft for extra stimulation. However, the Beyond 1 has a pretty silver band separating the shaft and battery cap; it contracts nicely with the silicone (mine is black). Beyond 1 is also shorter with a total length of 7.5″ and an insertable length of, offering about 6.5″ for insertion.
As this is my first Ophoria toy, I do not know about other products, but the presentation was nice. Some might use the box for storage, but I prefer the pouch. It is black, extremely soft, and not linty – perhaps microfiber. It’s also unique in that the storage pouch does not have one open end that cinches. Indeed, it is more like an envelope and the toy slips in lengthwise. Then, the whole thing is tied up with ribbon.
The silicone of the Beyond 1 is definitely more firm than it is soft. Most of the shaft seems to be silicone-covered plastic without give. The head is also a thick silicone, which is firm as well, but the area right below the head (near the three ridges) is thinner and not covered with plastic, so it can be bent a bit. The silicone of this vibrator is smooth and velvety but will pick up lint if it is not in its pouch. The silver band next to the battery cap is painted plastic while the cap itself is plastic with a softer power button.
Battery installation is easy, and the Beyond 1 actually comes with the required 2 AAA batteries. That is always a nice touch. The directions for batteries are engraved into the plastic of the toy for easy reference, and the cap itself slides and locks into place. Beware that this toy is not waterproof and take care when cleaning.
The Beyond 1 G-spot vibrator is incredibly easy to use, with one button to power it on, off, and toggle through modes – of which there are 9. Although there is only one button, the toy can be turned off at any time by holding it down for a few seconds. This is preferable to having to cycle through all the modes but I would prefer an instant off because you still do have to wait. I find it’s actually quicker to just pull out the batteries (although I doubt that is healthy for the life of the toy).
The nine modes of vibration include a low, medium and high steady vibration and six other pulsation and escalation settings. While these settings are interesting, many of them are quite similar and the Beyond 1 would not be less of a toy without them; indeed, I find nine settings to be just a bit of overkill these days.
The vibrations are not incredibly high-pitched but do lack the depth that I really love. Yet, despite this, I found the Beyond 1 to perform well. My G-spot is pretty sensitive to vibrations, and squirting was easy – once I got the toy inserted. Although the shaft of the Beyond 1 is not giant (it has a 1.5″ diameter) and the shaft is fairly slim, the difference in size between the head and shaft of the toy is pretty drastic and can make insertion difficult or even painful, especially given the unique design of the head of the toy. Even when I was well lubricated (water based only) and aroused, I had some difficulty. It was definitely easier for me to use Beyond 1 after playing with other insertables. I imagine this will prevent the Beyond 1 from being comfortable or enjoyable to use for some people because of their builds and would definitely not recommend it to a sex toy newbie.
Honestly, I have used the Beyond 1 for less for G-spot play than I have externally which might seem odd but given my preference for broader, rounded surfaces, the Beyond 1 really fit the bill. I can move it against myself in such a way that reminds me of a penis rubbing on my clit to produce some nice orgasms. Because my G-spot is fairly shallow, I can almost use the Beyond 1 as a dual stimulator, inserting just more than the head, but it’s not ideal.
While I am pleasantly surprised by the versatility of this vibrator, I do have some less-than-thrilling thoughts. After my first use (and second wash), the Beyond 1 G-spot vibrator has begun to rattle during use. It still works fine, and sometimes I can’t even notice the rattling (like when it’s under a blanket), but it is more noticeable during pulsation settings and a bit annoying. Even with the rattle, Beyond 1 is pretty quiet and couldn’t be heard through a closed door, but it’s not as silent as the phrase “whisper quiet technology” suggests.
Additionally, I could not feel the under the head during use. The toy might even be easier to maneuver without the extra texture, but that is just an educated guess on my part. On a semi-related note, some folks experienced painful issues with seams on other Ophoria toys, including the Beyond 3 dildo. Still, while the seams are visible to the eye and tactile to the fingers, they were not noticeable in use.
I do really like Ophoria’s Beyond 1 G-spot vibrator. I usually do not find G-spot vibrators to be very versatile, and this may be the first one that can be used internally and externally for me, so I will definitely keep it handy.
Petite Couture Collection™ - ecstasy
N/A
from
This is an archived review of a discontinued product.
Having tried a full-sized Couture rabbit by California Exotic, I wasn’t too thrilled to get a petite version to review. It seems that if a toy powered by 3 AAs is not powerful enough to get me off, then a smaller, less powerful version will not have much luck, either. That’s not to say I was going in expecting to fail, but I wasn’t expecting it to blow my mind, either.
It’s a real shame because the soft silicone of the couture line is a step up from porous materials like jelly, and the sleek lines are attractively classy, in my opinion. The texture of the Petite Couture Collection Ecstasy is velvety, with a bit of drag, and mostly devoid of any shapes save for a gentle ridge that runs around the head and then comes together down the center of the vibe toward the clit stimulator. There are no seams in the silicone. Because the silicone is soft, it will, unfortunately, pick up lint. There is some slight variation in the shaft size, but overall, the diameter sticks near 1.25″, and there are no difficult angles or bulges to maneuver, making it better suited for beginners than many rabbits. Even if you’re not a beginner, you might opt for a Petite Couture piece because they are smaller in length, too. This one offers 4.75″ insertable inches, a change from the larger rabbits, which do not work well with all anatomies.
Like the regular Couture Collection, Ecstasy has a silver plastic base that continues the sleek look with its contemporary lines. There are three buttons to control this rabbit vibrator: a master power switch and a button for each function (rotation of the shaft and vibration of the clitoral stimulator). When the power is on, the buttons light up a very bright blue, so bright that I used the light for a flashlight in the dark. The functions can operate separately, so there are many ways to enjoy this toy.
There are three speeds of shaft rotation which I found enough to make me squirt; however, I was unable to successfully stimulate both my G-spot and clit as I had to pull the rabbit out a bit to hit the right spot. I have a shallow G-spot, and I believe the thinner shaft of the Petite Couture Collection – ecstasy just couldn’t hit the right spots. I think my PC muscles are a bit out of shape, however. The rotation stood up to my clenching on 2 out of the three speeds, and it just seems like it shouldn’t with such a small power source.
Some might also find the clitoral nub to be a little on the short side because it does not have rabbit ears or what-have-you extending its length – which is only 1″. Generally, I like the idea of this shape better than all the animals because I tend to press the bullet part right against my clit instead of the ears or arms or other body parts. This one does curl up slightly toward the body/clit, but the bullet is just not strong or deep enough for me. Even with three steady vibration modes, four more pulsations, and escalating patterns, I was pretty disappointed. The vibrations are higher pitched than I like and really didn’t reach deep beneath the surface. Even the pulsation was underwhelming and lacked the throbbing sensation which is a requirement in strong vibes. I wound up turning them off pretty quickly when I realized they would not get me off.
In regards to a few technical details, the Ecstasy is pretty quiet and wouldn’t be heard through a closed door. However, the rotating portion does have a bit of an annoying whine. Because of its silicone composition, only water-based lubricants should be used. These vibrators are supposed to be waterproof, but the battery compartment does not seem to seal tightly, so I wouldn’t submerge them during use or washing. Soap and water washing or shower use would probably be fine, however.
While I think the Petite Couture Collection ecstasy might be a good first rabbit or even a first sex toy for some users, I was just really underwhelmed by its performance, which I expected would be the case. It’s a step in the right direction, and I do like the idea of more variety in rabbit sizes, but I personally need it. dare I dare it.. more power.
Kissable ice cream
This is an archived review of a discontinued product.
At first, I confused California Fantasies with California Exotics, but it’s a lesser-known manufacturer that made the Kissable Ice Creme in strawberry, which I had a chance to try. This cream is really a multitasker that promises to cool and lubricate while allowing your partner to taste its flavour when he or she goes to town on you. This product does succeed in a lot of ways, I am happy to say and the 2oz squeeze tube is pretty sizeable. It reminds me of a hand cream tube, and there is a lot more product than any other sensitizing product I’ve tried.
Let me start by saying that this is not a lubricant. It’s a thicker cream which will quickly rub into the skin while the taste remains, it has virtually no lubricating properties. It may moisturize but my vagina doesn’t really need that, I don’t think. Plus, the ingredients list contains both alcohol and sugars which can cause irritation for some which leads me to believe that this product would better be labeled as a sensitizing cream than a lubricating one.
I’ve reviewed other sensitizing products here and here.
The ingredients, as listed on the tube, are:
It’s a long list and was painful to type up. While some of the ingredients I recognize, I wouldn’t mind if there were simply fewer and if there were fewer salts and sugars to boot. While cooling products usually contain some sort of menthol as the active ingredient, I am not sure what it is in the Kissable Ice Creme that makes it work.
As a sensitizing cream, Kissable Ice Creme passes with flying colours. It feels cool immediately and grows slightly cooler, but not so much that it makes me uncomfortable like other cooling products I’ve used. It doesn’t quite tingle, but I can feel the area to which it is applied is growing more sensitive. This is a positive attribute when used on the clitoris but I would like to remind you that this product is also intended to be kissable which means your mouth, including lips and tongue, will become extra sensitive, too. Depending on your personal preferences, this may not be a positive thing. I find it a bit interesting but not necessarily distracting. I did not experience any amazingly powerful or easier orgasms while using this cream but my awareness was definitely heightened.
The Kissable Ice Cream is flavoured and scented. It’s definitely sweet and more of the unnatural strawberry “flavour” as opposed to tasting like real strawberries. The taste will grow weaker as it is licked away (although, the thick cream does stay in place well) and it does seem to have a bit of a sugary aftertaste. It’s not horrible but it is a little.. different. Fluids and a person’s natural taste may alter the sensation, of course. The scent is very sweet as well and gives you a good indication of how it will taste.
It does remove cleanly with licking or washing without leaving residue and even when it’s on your fingers, it feels creamy and soft without being greasy. Because it is thick, it stays where you put it and you do not have to worry about it dripping on your linens or carpet but, as it is water based, I do not think it would stain anyway.
In fact, since I bought it to use as a sensitizing cream and not a lubricant, I can’t really say that are a lot of strong negatives about the Kissable Ice Creme from California Fantasies. It does what it says in a noticeable but not overpowering way, and I like that it does not smell or taste like mint because I am not a fan. Not everyone will love the taste (although there are also Cola and Colada flavours available) but I found it to be decent in the limited quantities I’d be using for playtime anyway. I would like to see an ingredient list that isn’t quite so terrifying, but I haven’t experienced any adverse reactions and do not intend to use it internally, so I am really pretty satisfied with the Strawberry Kissable Ice Cream.
Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner
$8.99
from TabuToys
I’ve used a few toys cleaners, both sprays and wipes. My experience is that most of them are just okay, useful to have while they’re around but not something I’d rush to replace when it runs out. More often than not, I forget about these cleaners and revert to soap and water before the bottle is empty. Thus, I’ve several bottles at home and a half-used packet of wipes. As this realization sunk in when another bottle arrived in the mail, I offered one of those bottles to a friend. After all, how am I ever going to use them all myself? But because another bottle did arrive in the mail, I offer this review to you.
TabuToys offers Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner, a spray on cleaner in Dr Berman’s line of Intimate Accessories. The 6.28 FL oz bottle is clear, as is the cleaner itself, and is labeled with the familiar purple logo of Dr Berman’s toys. It’s easily recognizable for me but, at a distance or to someone who does not know better, it could pass as some random cosmetic bottle (although what would come in a squat bottle like this, I have no idea). The pump top itself is also purple (but not the same purple, which I find slightly irksome, LOL) and comes with a plastic cap, which makes it slightly more travel-friendly. I didn’t bother to put it in a ziploc in my luggage and the cap stayed on the entire time. I’m sure the cap would loosen a bit with subsequent uses, as is usually the case.
The ingredients of Intimate Accessories Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner are listed in a rather tiny print, and I immediately recognized Triclosan as (one of) the working ingredients. It’s common in many sex toy cleaners and some anti-bacterial soaps as well; although, there is a bit of controversy over it so if you’re anti-Triclosan, I’d stay away from this product.
The entire ingredient list is as follows:
Some of the ingredients are pretty common as far as cleaners go and most of them are more than a mouthful. Folks who prefer shorter ingredient lists or have specific chemical allergies/irritations should defnitely give the list a once over before purchasing. Other cleaners also include ingredients like Aloe or Vitamin E to make them soothing or conditioning so this cleaner is perhaps a bit more “basic”.
Curiously enough, the ingredients list is exactly the same as that of CEN’s (California Exotics produces the Berman line of accessories) Anti-Bacterial Toy Cleaner which comes in a smaller 4.3 FL oz bottle with darker purple writing on it so if you’ve tried it and are looking for something else, this is not it. However, the “regular” version, which is also available from TabuToys is not quite the value in terms of price. If you do not have a need for the smaller bottle, I’d go for the Berman Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner, instead. This value difference is about the same on most sites, with the regular cleaner costing more per fl. oz than Intimate Accessories Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner. you’d think that adding a celebrity/doctor endorsement would make them make up the price even more.
All these ingredients combine to produce a clear, thin liquid which is easily squirted form the pump bottle onto any toy. However, the bottle gives no indication as to whether this product should be wiped or rinsed off, used as a soap, or simply let to dry, which is definitely nice to know. Although I frequently rinse any toys which tend to collect fuzzies, I tend to do a dry wipe with a cloth or tissue on the smooth-surfaced toys that do not require special attention. But whether or not it’s really clean or safe to use is a mystery. Different online reviews suggest keeping it on for 2 minutes – which is way longer than I would naturally think to leave it on – but I could find nothing on the Berman Center websites to back it up. Your call, I guess.
The spray comes out in a fine mist that covers a wide area, and it only takes a few pumps to cover an entire toy. There seems to be a slightly medicinal scent, but I have to be honest; my nose is incredibly stuffed up, and there’s no one I can ask to smell my sex toy cleaner to confirm. LOL! Because the target area is so broad, I’d maybe spray over a toy or just be sure not to spray in the direction of anything or anyone which you don’t want coated with the Intimate Accessories Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner. Despite attempting to do this, my cat ran directly into the line of fire as soon as I sprayed the cleaner, of course.
Fast forward two minutes (your choice) and it can be rinsed off (as some reviews suggest), taking any debris with it. If you choose to simply wipe it off, debris will be more of an issue but that is the case with any spray toy cleaner. Because I’d rather be safe than sorry, I opt to rinse it off and this makes it a less useful product to me than one which I know I can use without rinsing/wiping (or even directly on the skin) which is the case with both the Afterglow Wipes and Pjur “Med-Clean” Spray. For all I know, the intent was for this product to be used without rinsing but the total lack of instructions is off putting to me. I’m sure some people use it without rinsing at all and experience no adverse effects but I like to know exactly what I’m getting and how to use a product. Unfortunately, the “regular” cleaner by CEN also fails to list instructions for use which is exactly why I won’t be buying either from them in the future.
The Sexually Dominant Woman
11.47
from Amazon
The Sexually Dominant Woman is a very basic guide to femdom by Lady Green, a pen name for Janet Hardy, who has written and co-written several other BDSM books, including The (New) Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book. Immediately, I was much more comfortable with Lady Green’s tone and approach; although, I found The Sexually Dominant Woman to be just a bit too basic.
Lady Green uses a very friendly and approachable tone unlike the one used in The Mistress Manual. She does not appear to be preaching at you in role, which I appreciate. However, one of the downfalls of this tone is that Lady Green sometimes comes off as less professional than she could, which can make the reader question whether or not we should be taking her advice. The large, un-standard font face used in the book also lends to this feel. I would prefer something that looks just a bit more “proper.” But this would mean The Sexually Dominant Woman would be much smaller in appearance. Indeed, much of the information has been covered online in various communities and on many websites. It’s good to have all the information in one place but I think the Sexually Dominant Woman would almost be better as a PDF “book” than a printed book.
The Sexually Dominant Woman is subtitled as “A Workbook for Nervous Beginners” and much of it has a workbook feel. It could potentially be useful were it kept on hand during scenes (although, that could also detract from the scene itself). This guide is light enough reading that it could be used as suggested reading for partners, too, without overwhelming them.
This guide begins with a checklist to gauge a person’s interest in female domination, and there are frequent black-and-white sketches included. Some of these illustrate tools or positions while others are just complementary to the text. They are all amateur in composition and none of them are really appealing. This book would come off much classier with higher quality art.
What follows is a chapter defining sexual dominant in which Lady Green splits BDSM into several aspects including helplessness (bondage), roles and sensation. The next dedicates a chapter to each where she outlines tools, positions, tips and more. “Winding Down” discusses knowing when the session is/should be finished and she dedicates a few pages toward the feelings which may come after a scene and what they can mean. Throughout the entire book, it feels as though the author is only suggesting things and there is a feeling that the reader can and should tailor the advice to be a better fit for her specific situation. Although The Sexually Dominant Female is intended for female dominants and male subs, there is a note in the beginning that recognizes that many women play with women and that most of the content can be altered for the purpose. I would have to agree that this book is more neutral toward the submissive’s gender because it does not play on the yin and yang of gendered Dominance and submission like the Mistress Manual. It also makes it that much more pleasant to read.
The chapters are all short, no more than a few pages each. As you can guess, The Sexually Dominant Woman does not go into extreme depth about any one topic but gives a brief and consistent introduction to each subject tackled within its pages. It is not a book I would solely rely on, and I would encourage people to read other material, such as The Sexually Dominant Woman. My suggestion? SM 101 is great, but I will definitely pick up The New Topping Book after this. I especially suggest SM101 because it tackles many issues regarding safety and BDSM, an area which is a bit lacking in The Sexually Dominant Woman, and novice players may not realize what is lacking. Although the chapter on Physical and Emotional Safety is one of the longest in the book, it’s still only a handful of pages long.
Where The Sexually Dominant Woman really stands out, in my opinion, is with the suggested “basic first session.” I have read several suggestions in several other books, but none of them have ever been appealing. Lady Green suggests a scene that has a dedicated beginning and end (and helps players get into and out of scene mode), which flows naturally and incorporates a variety of activities and tools (bondage, collars, clamps, blindfolds, flogging, etc) and has alternatives provided depending upon whether the reader wants to incorporate sex into the scene. Overall, this suggested scene is pretty much perfect for any BDSM newbie, with enough structure to keep it moving but not so restrictive that it feels silly. It is definitely a chapter I would recommend or reference in the future.
The Sexually Dominant Woman wraps up with “Some notes For Your Submissive” which can help a submissive understand how taxing a role can be a dominant, especially a new dominant. This is followed by “Tips For Partner” finding which discusses perception and expectations that can aid in the search as well as a few suggestions of places to search. The advice is the sort of common knowledge that people can sometimes forget when setting off on a new adventure.
The appendix is the last chapter and Lady Green takes time to suggest further reading material, discuss kink-aware professionals and warn about the internet. It’s a bit of a catch-all which basically indicates that The Sexually Dominant Woman is not intended to be a stand-alone source. As I finished the book, that is the same conclusion I reached. The Sexually Dominant Woman is not groundbreaking and, to be honest, is probably old news to anyone who’s been on the internet a time or two. However, the approachable tone is refreshing for someone like myself, who has had issues with other BDSM books. If you happen by it, I would pick it up. Although, it seems like it may be going out of print so I’d probably look for The New Topping Book instead.
