Below you’ll find all of the sex toy reviews I’ve written at Of Sex and Love. Find my opinions on vibrators, dildos, media (sex education books, porn, DVDs and erotica), bondage and BDSM gear, lingerie, anal toys, lube, massage products, and more!
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Although it’s been years since I’ve had to go to school on a Monday morning, you’ll be happy to know I’ve been keeping up with my homework. 😉
For years, I have intended to pick up S&M 101 by Jay Wiseman because it has been unanimously recommended to me. S&M 101 is perhaps the quintessential BDSM book on the market and it is more than titled appropriately. From the moment I picked it up, I understood why. This is no flimsy volume but a nearly-400 page tome of information about BDSM and, although it contains much information, is it a quick read and I was halfway through it in a matter of days, simply reading through it as I waited for pages and programs to load in my computer. Furthermore, Mr Wiseman’s casual yet knowledgeable tone stresses safety and caution in all things risky (which BDSM is) without ever sounding condescending or holding the “holier than thou attitude” which runs rampant among many BDSM participants and can be a serious deterrent to struggling newcomers. It may not be the only resource in your collection but it’s a perfect first.
I suspect this will be a lengthy review, because it is a lengthy book. Although Mr. Wisemen does not discuss every single aspect of BDSM in minute detail, he covers a great many aspects and in a depth I appreciate. I like specific answers and SM101 provides me with those, specific answers about BSDM. While many of the ideas he presents are not new to me, he gives refreshing details. I’d like to take a moment to explain that, in his book, Jay uses SM as an umbrella term rather than BDSM and it seems this is simply due to the trends at the time when it was published (first edition in 1992 and this, the second edition, sometime between 1996 and 2000).
SM101 starts with a sort of introduction from Jay Wiseman about how he started writing this book as well as how he started in BDSM. It’s interesting but I found it to be long. Some of his personal experiences might have been more interesting at the end of the book; instead, they felt like a speed bump on my way to the “real” material. That material starts with a chapter on the Basic Basics which will outlines consent and safety measures – with a negotiation form – and Finding Partners which aids in finding partners through ads and club, by your sexual orientation and ends with advice for introducing BDSM to your existing relationship.
Next come several chapters on the more physical aspects of BDSM (Bondage, Flagellation, Clamps etc) as well as some thoughts on Lubricants. In these sections, the author discusses different BDSM gear, where to buy it, characteristics of quality gear and how to use it. You will not be an expert in physical BDSM but reading this book can definitely aid in your understanding of these tools. For instance, SM101 taught me that cheap handcuffs are often identical cuffs instead of mirror images and have a 3 link chain. I now know to keep an eye out for a quality pair of S&W cuffs, should I be in the market for them. Information as specific as this is available about gags, riding crops and rope, just to name a few.
Of particular note is the Bondage 1A which discusses only rope including qualities, care, and illustrations of knots and the best positions with which to use them to bind a person (genital bondage, anyone?). Although I am not a fan of rope, I found this chapter to be suggestively helpful without being commanding.
The physical chapters finish up with Erotic Torture in which Mr. Wiseman discusses various techniques of teasing and torturing a submissive from sensation play to sex toys to electricity to blades. Again, he reflects his beliefs about taking it slow and safe to minimize risk. The chapter is wrapped up with several masturbation techniques to use on a person.
The chapters following, including Humiliation, D/s Interactions, and SM Relationships focus on the emotional dynamics of BDSM. Jay outlines qualities desired in both players, including the four basic duties of a submissive (To serve needs, to obey orders, to accept domination, to please desires).He touches on the significance of the collar, basic positions for training and punishment. SM Relationships probes beyond the scene, to the lifestyle. The ideas in these chapters are rather traditional and rigid and certainly do reflect power exchange well but while it will work well for some, this information may not be as helpful to others.
The remaining chapters focus on safety and resources, in general. SM Organizations suggests ways to locate and advice for joining BDSM groups but will definitely be more helpful to those who live in areas which already have established communities. Jay does include suggestions for those wanting to start their own as well. A chapter on General Safety Considerations includes BDSM while pregnant and common emergencies during a scene (The 5 Fs: freakouts, falls, fainting, failure, and fire). SM and Safer sex focuses on reducing the risk of spreading STDs but focuses narrowly on AIDs. I suspect that a book written more recently would focus more on issues surrounding HPV (but they are both risks to be well aware of).
There is a chapter which outlines a typical scene between a Domme and male submissive. Following this is a chapter listing suggestions for your BDSM starter set which includes not only BDSM toys but everyday, household items which you can put to good use as well. SM Sayings is essentially a list of commandments about practicing. Related Practices includes activities/fetishes/lifestyles which tend to have overlap with BDSM like Age Play and Polyamory; Wisemen includes contact information for groups which specialize in these activities. Finding Help With Problems provides further resources for issues such as abuse and rape. Jay suggests even further reading in References and Resources, as well as some books which are not recommended.
Finally, the book wraps up with a glossary of terms used and 3 Appendices: Sample Event Rules which is self-explanatory, SM and the Internet and a sobering Monograph on Breath Control Play which, by no means, should be skipped because it is the last section of the book.
As you can see, this book does discuss many aspects of BDSM and in great detail – greater than I would be able to describe without making this review too unruly (although, I would be glad to answer specific questions). Wiseman does so in a no-nonsense manner, repeatedly stressing to take things slow and use safety measures. It’s also a very approachable manner and I chuckled a time or two at the book, like when he describes helping a Domme test eyebolts in a wall with a lacey pink pillow strapped to his head, lest one pop out and hit him (it did). It is a solid book.
But it is not without its flaws. As a critical person, I found the strange font face to be distracting until I become accustomed to it. I would absolutely reprint this book using a more standard font; it looks sloppy as-is. Furthermore, Wiseman includes sometimes-relevant quotes on pages. They are generally thoughts from players which reflect thoughts and attitudes about BDSM, sometimes quotes from the page. They do not always seem to be relevant to the content on the page (sometimes I can see how they’re supposed to relate but they fail to do so) and, quite frankly, sometimes they do not add to the book at all. I have also touched on how some of the advice about interactions and relationships is very traditional and rigid. For this reason, I found the chapters about physical BDSM more helpful but this is mostly due to personal preference.
Still, the most glaring flaw of SM101 is that it is dated. Extremely so. Wiseman lists contact information in several places but it is only ever addresses and phone numbers. Unfortunately, there is no way for the reader to know whether or not this information is up to date or even if these groups and people still exist. And who writes for information anymore, anyway? I have never once. Website URLS would be entirely more useful.
Additionally, he makes many mentions of newsgroups on Usenet and, well, this summer marks a decade I’ve been using the internet and I’ve probably joined less than a dozen newsgroups in that time, none of which I ever stuck around very long. I know it’s difficult to write about the internet as websites come and go and there’s so many it could easily be a book on its own but a mention of strong sites like FetLife, Alt.com or Bondage.com would offer more potential than newsgroups which only serve as a forum for spambots. You can basically skip the second Appendix because, even though it’s probably some of the “newer” information in the book, it’s still decrepit.
I wonder why SM101 is only the second edition when there were only a few short years since the first was published. Following that timeline, it could be on the 4th or 5th printing by now.
In the end, this book is best for uber newbies, folks who have no way to contract BDSM info or those who want to introduce the subject to their lovers. It could certainly be a book to study religiously before or even have open during your first few scenes and the ideas in it will set you up well. It will still be useful for those who have a more experience under the belt and anyone who is looking for a specific piece of information which to page through once more but will not be quite as useful. Despite what I see as a major flaw, I would still absolutely recommend it in yuor collection of sex toys and information.
A realistic introduction, indeed.
Smartballs
This is an archived review of a discontinued product. These Pinkcherry Kegel Balls seem quite similar, however.
Smartballs have been reviewed a million times. Probably more. I can’t think of any toy which has been reviewed more. I actually cringe when I read another new review for them so I don’t want to inundate you with what you already know but I still wanted to try them for myself and PinkCherry provided them for me to do so.
In the event that you forgot or haven’t stumbled across one of those reviews, here’s a quick rundown: Elastomed (specially treated, non-porous elastomer), weighted, silicone retrieval cord, 0.3 lb, 4 1/2″ length, 4 1/2″ circumference, “ribbed”, dual-colour (with multiple colours available), vaginal exercisers with flexible connector which can be washed with soap/water or toy wash (but no boiling); made by Fun Factory (with Fun Factory’s standard packaging).
There are a couple things which are remarkable:
There are also a few things I experienced:
My personal preference for kegel balls is not Fun Factory’s Smartballs. They are certainly well made but my specific shape and the oblong balls do not mix very well. I think all of my issues would be solved by making the Smartballs round and while I know every woman is different, I think that one improvement would make them more enjoyable for the majority of women.
It is of significance that Fun Factory has released a sort of Smartballs 2.0 with their Teneo Duo Smartballs. These exercisers do lack the painful, pointy place as the way the retrieval cord is connected has changed. However, they still appear to be oblong.
Silicone Intimate Diver
N/A
from
This is an archived review of a discontinued product.
My experience with sea creatures as sex toys has proven unpleasant more than once now. For whatever reasons, dolphins and their cousins, the porpoises are perhaps a little too realistic for comfort. Such was the case with the Intimate Diver, a dual-stimulation vibrator.
A little information about this toy. Made of TPR silicone, the Intimate Diver is waterproof, of course. A note that this is not pure silicone, and while it’s generally more hygienic and less porous than jelly or cyberskin, for instance, it’s still porous, so anal use or sharing without a condom isn’t a good idea. You’re also limited to water-based lubes here.
My pink porpoise is posed so its forked tail – the clit stimulator – curls over its back toward its head – the internal/G-spot stimulator. The very tip of this toy is his nose, and he has a “fin” on each side as well as a vertical fin on his back. The body is this sea creature has a little give but is mostly firm. The fins, tail, and nose have more give because they’re thinner, but you won’t experience any rabbit ear floppiness with this tail (like on rabbit vibes with much thinner parts).
His head contains a bullet-style vibe, which is powered by 2AAA batteries that slip into an EZ load pack. As you can imagine, this doesn’t make it the most powerful toy. For me, the lowest and middle settings will do little more than tease; the highest likely won’t get me off but it’s decent. Unfortunately, the thicker TPR silicone isn’t great with vibrations, and it’s definitely more difficult to feel them in the tail. Furthermore, once inserted, vaginal muscles have a tendency to muffle some of the vibrations which even worsens the problem. Stronger vibes and a thinner tail might help with this but I just prefer toys with bullets at the clit, too, because of the pressure it gives. Unfortunately, the TPR silicone was soft enough that it wasn’t a good toy to grind with, either.
What ultimately turned me off from this sex toy is that its fins hurt upon insertion. I could plainly feel the side fins poking at me painfully because they were much denser than the tail or nose. I’m not really sure what purpose they’re supposed to serve; the back fin could possibly provide G-spot stimulation (although it didn’t, for me), but those side fines are pointless. It’s hard to feel aroused when you’re in pain. The moral of the story here: just because you want to model a vibrator after an animal does not mean it has to be completely anatomically correct. Fins serve a purpose in the water, not in my vagina.
It’s good to see California Exotic working with higher quality materials than jelly (even if they’re aren’t as quality as they’d have us believe) but it seems like a lot of corners were cut to make this toy.
I almost overlooked the potential of Nova because it wasn’t what I expected. Perhaps that is a lesson I need to take with me in every aspect of life? Needless to say, giving this tiny vibrator a second chance revealed its potential in a way I never saw coming. I definitely had to rethink my approach when writing the review after it made me squirt.
Rabbit Rider
N/A
from
This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.
The Rabbit Rider is a toy I’ve had my eye on for a while because it tackles an issue many women have with rabbit-style vibes: placement of the clitoral stimulator. It’s not exactly the only toy which does this but most other toys use a sort of springy cord rather than placing the rabbit bullet on a ring around the shaft as if he were riding it. The Rabbit Rider is aptly named. Unfortunately, this great idea has yet to become a wonderful implementation.
The Rabbit Rider is actually a versatile kit but isn’t really a typical rabbit vibe. It includes a vibrating bullet and a standard plastic vibe, both which have pink Cyberskin sleeves. The sleeve for the bullet includes a bunny’s head and ears, as well at the band which goes around the shaft, and the other sleeve is very typical, with a realistic texture and contoured head. Both sleeves are easy to remove and replace on each part and could potentially be used with other bullets or standard vibes, should you so choose. You can also use the rabbit clitoral stimulator alone, or the vibrator alone. Take off the sleeves and it’s almost like you have 2 new toys.
I’ve even seen suggestions of using the bunny as a cock ring and, while this is possible, it’s probably not especially pleasurable. The band is larger than any cock ring I’ve seen and super stretchy; I even wore it around my wrist for a short period of time. I just don’t think this piece makes a functional cock ring.
Like most basic vibes, the one included is made of hard plastic, powered by 2AAs and has a dial base. The vibrations are surprisingly powerful and not whiny at all but this toy is much louder than I find to be acceptable unless we’re talking about my Miracle Massager or something similar. Granted, the sound is muffled once inserted; still, I felt self conscious at the noise of this one. The dial base wasn’t smooth to use – it was kinda of jerky and reluctant. I usually had to use one hand to hold the base and the other to turn the dial. Like any dial toy, twisting too far in the direction of “Off” can pop open the battery case.
The mini bullet which serves at a clit stimulator is like no bullet I’ve tried before. There is a power/mode button on the bottom of the bullet as well as a High – Low dial on the side of the bullet. The bullet has 5 modes; the first three are pulsation (medium, slow and fast respectively) and the last 2 are steady vibration with the very last being the stronger. All of this is powered by 4 small watch batteries and there are 2 sets (8 total) included. Note that 4 batteries are in the bullet initially and it won’t work until you move a small piece of plastic from the bullet. The ability to adjust the strength of the vibration on a bullet impressed me and even if this isn’t the strongest bullet I’ve tried, it’s incredibly varied. Furthermore, the pulsation was more than satisfactory. Unfortunately, you have to cycle through all 5 modes to turn it off and if you have the dial set to Low, you may think it’s off and drain the batteries. Out of everything in this kit, the bullet is the one thing I will likely continue to use.
Cyberskin was also another first for me. I’m not a big fan of realistic sex toys so I’ve never tried a Cyberskin toy. Immediately, I was amazed at just how soft this material is. I totally understand why they would make fake vaginas out of this stuff. However, vaginas and penises are different animals and I wasn’t sold that it would be a good material for a woman’s toy. I was also wary at the quality of this material. It’s extremely porous nature, fussy upkeep, lint attraction and musty smell are enough to deter me from Cyberskin toys in the future. From the washing the Rabbit Rider in the bathroom to the bedroom, it had collected a mass amount of lint and cat fur. I don’t even want to think about storage and since I have nothing to powder it with I’ll probably just see how long until the sleeves deteriorate.
I am happy to say that the Cyberskin did feel much more realistic in my cunt than in my hand. It could probably pass for the real thing and the vibrations were strong enough to stimulate a sweet spot or two, at least sometimes. But together with the clit stimulator, the Rabbit Rider was a flop. Literally. The soft nature of the Cyberskin offered little control over the precise placement of the bullet. It just sort of fell to the side and seemed limp. I think that even folks who like gentle vibrations of rabbit ears would find it difficult to get much out of the stimulator but a person likes me, who needs the bullet to rest snugly against the clit, would be especially disappointed.
I tossed the bullet aside and tried to use the sleeved vibrator against my clit to get off with much effort on my part and little help on its. Of course, if I had wanted to get off that way in the first place, I wouldn’t have been using the Rabbit Rider. I applaud Adam and Eve’s take on an idea that seems to be mostly unexplored but there’s a long way to go before it’s perfect. For starters, I would swap the Cyberskin sleeves for a hygienic silicone vibe. Instead of a standard, straight shaft, I would use an ergonomically curved shaft with rotating beads and perhaps solve the issue of floppiness by using an open, hard plastic ring (think a thicker version of a fake jewelry ring which is not a full circle) or a band which opens on a hinge. I do like the functions of the bullet but I like them to be physically larger.
ID Moments
N/A
from
ID no longer sells Moments lube, but you can buy ID Free, which seems similar.
I’m a big fan of ID Glide. It’s my go-to lube, and it’s versatile because it’s water-based, so when I got my last package from PinkCherry, I was surprised to see a little 2.7 oz bottle of lube by the same company. Moments seems to be ID’s take on a hypoallergenic water-based lube for folks with sensitive skin by removing ingredients like paraben and glycerin and, while I’ve never had many issues with sensitivities to lube, it seemed like a nice addition. Somewhat ironically, ID Moments is one of only two lubes that has caused irritation to my skin.
However, let me describe the specs of this product before going into use. ID Moments comes in ID’s typical round, flip-top bottle with the top and labels in a deep shade of pink. Because it’s water-based, it can be used for any activity or with any material and easily washes off with water (so wet activities might not be the best use). While it has no glycerine or parabens, it does have nearly a dozen other ingredients. The bottle was also sealed (beneath the top).
The very first thing I noticed – I mean how could you miss it? – was the atrocious scent of this lube. It does seem like I’m the only one whose nose was offended by this, though; some people even seemed to really like it. The smell originally reminded me of something which had fermented, in a bad way. In fact, I checked the expiration date (it was fine) because I was sure no company would intentionally make a product smell like this. Furthermore, I could find no mention of this product having a fragrance, so I checked ID’s website, and it says it is fragrance-free. Even if my preference for certain smells is unique, I would be very disappointed in this lube if I bought it believing it was fragrance-free. I am happy to note that the smell seems to have eased up, and now I interpret it more as a very, very sour, fruity smell – like the scent equivalent of a Warhead (which I hate, LOL).
I did a quick taste test and ID Moments has a slightly sour/fruity taste as well. I also wanted to check out the thickness. ID Moments is not the thinnest lube around but it’s not as thick as ID Glide which is a con for me; I like my lubes thicker because I don’t like to deal with the mess. On the other hand, ID Moments is rather silky and rubs into the skin without becoming sticky at all.
But I can’t say how it works internally because I was too busy wondering why my genitals were burning to notice. I have double and triple checked and can’t find any mention of this being a warming lube so the logical assumption here is that ID Moments and my girl parts just do not mix. It’s just kind of funny that the girl who has only been allergic to 2 things in her entire life would be irritated by hypoallergenic lube, right?
I wanted to be really thorough so I used the lube 3 times, each time with a different toy just in case it was toy material and not the lube causing the problem. It was the lube. Luckily, I never used a ton of lube (I don’t normally) and the sensation quickly went away as soon as I stopped my activities.
I know that mine might be the only experience that goes badly, but I’d rather err on the side of caution and just not recommend this lube to anyone. With that said, PinkCherry also carries Wet Naturals Beautifully Bare (read my review), a lube that is also paraben and glycerin-free, which I have used to much success.
I am hard to please. I can admit it. I don’t want to have to adjust to my sex toys; they should adjust to me. This is one of the reasons I’ll probably never own the Sasi even though it seems really cool. I just couldn’t use it in my way. It’s also why I wouldn’t have picked out Evolved’s waterproof Seduction myself. While it’s a nice toy, it’s just not the best toy for me. You can read more at my review on EdenFantasys.
