Below you’ll find all of the sex toy reviews I’ve written at Of Sex and Love. Find my opinions on vibrators, dildos, media (sex education books, porn, DVDs and erotica), bondage and BDSM gear, lingerie, anal toys, lube, massage products, and more!
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This is an archived review of a discontinued product.
I guess I’m a size queen and this is a good thing because Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe is a large toy. It is definitely not for the weak at heart. Yet, even despite its monster size, I found myself wanting more: more power, more size, more quality.
Even before I had removed this toy from the package (which features, of course, Tera Patrick herself), I noticed the size. At 9″ long and with a circumference of 4 3/4″, it certainly rivals the larger of my toys. I also noticed that the vibrator wasn’t quite as pretty as it appeared in images. In pictures, it definitely shines more. The images across the web also differ in lightness, so it must be a hard colour to photograph; I found that the images of Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe on PinkCherry.com are a bit lighter than the toy actually is.
Once out of the package, I was immediately accosted by the strong scent of the Meta-Jelly material. It wasn’t rubbery in the slightest; rather, it smelled a bit metallic and sickeningly sweet – like Dr Pepper in a can. I know it’s a strange description, but it was a strange smell. And strong! I had it out for a bit, but the toy stunk up the whole living room, and the smell clung to my hands. Because of this, I put it away for several weeks before breaking it out again.
I was really reluctant to use a toy that smelled so horribly and I wondered how inferior this material must be. I usually do not care about the material of my sex toys a whole lot but it was impossible to ignore that this isn’t a super hygienic material. Meta-Jell is some derivative of jelly (thus porous – using a condom between partners is a must and not a bad idea in general) and a mixture of some sort of metal which gives it a slightly metallic appearance. It’s still soft like jelly and the tip of this toy has some flex to it (the jelly sleeve extends past the hard vibrator).
I finally broke this toy out, gave it 3 or 4 washings, and let it air for several days before using it. My entire bathroom smelled like Meta-Jelly for those days, albeit the scent did decrease (even if it was painstakingly slow in its decrease). But I was determined to give Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe at least one try so that I could give it a fair review. Although I am usually picky, I know many people would not have even given it that much time.
I was a bit anxious because I’d read a review that said this toy was simply too large. However, with a little lube, I found insertion wasn’t a big deal. Although this vibe is finished with an engorged head, the head is a bit tapered. I easily felt the raised, asymmetrical heart shapes internally, which is unusual. I usually cannot feel textures as well as I would like, so this was a nice change from the usual. However, I would not recommend fast or hard thrusting because it quickly becomes uncomfortable, even painful. Slow, luxurious thrusts are what I enjoyed best with Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe.
As I thrust this toy, I could not believe how much I enjoyed it! I could feel my body responding. In fact, I was wishing for something a little larger. Although full, I craved to be stretched, and Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe wasn’t large enough in that respect. However, I think most will be more than happy with the size of this vibrator and some will likely find it much too daunting, too.
When it came to the vibrations, I turned this up to high (this vibe has a typical dial base) and was still disappointed. I was looking forward to something that would provide more sensations than I got. I think the MetaJelly did a decent job of transmitting the vibrations, but the motor, which is powered by 2 AAs and likes to turn on/off when inserting the batteries, just didn’t have enough power for me. I found myself super turned on, but this vibe was not going to send me over the edge, so I swapped it out for my Passion Wave stimulator to get the orgasms I craved.
Altogether, I think Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe has helped me learn what I like but I will look for something which is similar yet higher quality. I definitely want a stronger vibrator made of a material (like silicone) which does not have such an offensive scent and, depending on texture, I could go bigger. For other size queens, this vibrator might just do the trick but I’m holding out for something just a little bit more.
Symphony G-Harmony
from
This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.
I want to say right away that I don’t think the Symphony G-Harmony is necessarily a bad toy. After all, I did enjoy it as a clit stimulator, and when I managed to find that “sweet” spot, it felt really good. However, finding that spot was not something which came easily or often.
I was interested in this little purple gem because I wanted to explore my G-spot. I had only had clitoral orgasms before so I did a little searching. I thought that most of those long G-spot wands looked dorky and, as usual, my sense of aesthetic took over. I must say, in that respect, the G-Harmony is amazing. Its translucent purple TPR really is gorgeous and the wave-like ridges at the tip seem to really fit the name for some reason. Plus, the base reminds me of a gemstone. The way this G-spot vibrator catches the eye is almost breathtaking, and I think I might even like the way it looks better than all of the rest of my toys.
Evolved also provides this toy with its typical classy packaging (a fancy metal box) – this time in red with black accents. This works well for store,ge but I do find it to be a bit bul,ky so I wouldn’t use it with a toy I use frequently (it would make a good storage case for a number of other items inside the bedroom and out); unfortunately, I will not be using this toy frequently.
The first issue I ran into was that this toy is a little girthier than many G-spot toys. In application, I couldn’t twist and turn it any which way to perfect my technique (or lack thereof LOL). I couldn’t go from different angles; this pretty much remained in one position. Now, I like my insertable toys to be significant in size, and if I were looking for a basic vibrator, I might like this size. But it wound up hindering my G-spot experimentation. I already knew my body seems to be as fickle as my mind can sometimes be, and I would need to be able to feel about a bit to find the perfect spot, but I just couldn’t with this toy. However; I don’t think that means everyone will run into the same problem.
My next approach was to use the flexibility of this toy to its utmost potential. Between the base and the tip (where the bullet is located), there is a certain amount of give and flexibility. A lot of G-spot toys seem to be firm the whole way through, and I originally liked this flexibility. The problem was the flexibility reduced the amount of pressure I was able to exert internally so I had to try to bend the toy against the back wall of my vagina so that the tip might curve back upward toward my G-spot. This didn’t work.
However, the flexibility was nice when it came to thrusting. When I slid the G-harmony out of my pussy, I could drag it across my clit in a curved path, before pushing it back in, and I did like this, but it wasn’t going to get me off. I was able to use the G-Harmony on my clit to get off, though, which was unexpected. Sadly, it wasn’t my goal.
Unfortunately, I have a tendency to break toys that had a flexible spot, and this wasn’t an exception. Although it’s still completely functional and beautiful, I (am pretty sure I) have just barely broken this vibrator, somehow. The flexible place is now a little floppy. While I can still use it, it certainly doesn’t help me achieve orgasm.
As the facts stacked up, I accepted that I was not going to have my first G-spot orgasm with this vibe. Although it looked and felt nice, it wasn’t extraordinary. I liked the vibrations inside and out; they were fairly powerful (without being over the top). Plus, the bullet location in the tip was a good thought, but it was just nice. Even the ridges that give this toy its aesthetic appeal really didn’t add up to much. I’m not sure if my vag is less sensitive than others, but I really couldn’t feel them once inserted.
One thing that consistently annoys me about Evolved products is that they like to put their buttons on the bottom. This makes it easy to use (push once for on, twice to increase the power, a third time to turn it on high, and again to turn it off) but I was constantly turning this toy off by accident. I have another Evolved toy that does the same.
On the other hand, I think Evolved has made some decent TPR products. The colour was gorgeously translucent, and I only noticed a slight scent. I have heard some TPR toys smell quite strongly and this wasn’t the case. The smell I noticed wasn’t rubbery or like chemicals; actually, it smelled vaguely of gasoline (and I’m one of those weirdos who like the smell).
One last note: I had a bit of difficulty with the battery pack at first. 2 AAs go into the pack, which slides out of the base of this toy. This makes it a little easier to insert, and I have no problem inserting the batteries into the pack. I did run into an issue because the pack has to go in a certain way, and this isn’t clearly marked. I didn’t realize this because I put it incorrectly because it went in pretty easily. But when I realized this, it was already stuck, and I had to pry it out with a spreading knife. LOL If you have an Evolved toy with a removable battery pack, take notice of the sizes of the ridges inside the toy when you’re putting it in.
I don’t hate this toy; I just don’t love it. I think my issues were not universal; it just wasn’t the best toy for a beginner’s G-spot exploration (because of its size), and the flexibility didn’t help as I initially thought it would. I was annoyed by my issues with the battery pack, and I think Evolved needs to stop putting push buttons on the bottom of their toys. Yet, the G-harmony is still good-looking and did provide me with nice clitoral stimulation. I hope that, one day, I can come back to the G-Harmony after I get to know my G-spot better, and we can be more harmonious together.
Bloomy
Sadly, Fun Factory no longer makes the Bloomy.
Fun Factory’s Bloomy anal plug/dildo was a pleasant surprise. I fell in love with it as soon as I first laid eyes on it; after all, it’s a really unique shape, and both black and deep pink are attractive colors. Mine came in pink, not the typical fit-for-Barbie pink of so many sex toys but a deep, grown-up pink. Although I love black, I actually prefer pink because I think it better highlights the shape of the bloomy – a shape vaguely reminiscent of a flower but not obviously so, but perhaps that is just my opinion.
The Bloomy came packaged similarly to other Fun Factory toys. Actually, I think mine had some packaging snafus as it included two copies of the Fun Factory brochure, two packets of lube, instructions for the Teneo Smart Balls, and instructions for the Bloomy. The toy itself was also nestled only in a “bottom” plastic tray, leaving the toy open so you could touch it while in the box. Because of the silicone, the toy had actually attracted some dust and dirt during shipping which was kind of gross.
Nevertheless, I easily washed it with soap and water and was surprised to find how much give this silicone toy has. I actually thought it was a bit too floppy at first but this soon proved not to be the case.
The Bloomy is billed as a multifunction toy, and I certainly cannot argue; the pure silicone makeup is boilable for sterilization, so it’s safe to use anally and vaginally. However, I only used this toy vaginally and will continue to do so. I have no doubt that the bloom shape would make for a fine anal plug and the “leaf” extension could stimulate the perineum as well but, for me, I immediately thought this could be a dual action dildo and identified the loop as an insertion point for a bullet vibe.
And that’s exactly how I used it. I slipped my BNaughty into the loop, turned it up high and let the toy transmit vibrations to my body. This was pretty nice but I found the thin “leaf” to be a little too soft for adequate clit stimulation. Fear not! I found an unexpected use for this toy, which actually resulted in a new kind of orgasm! Yes! A new kind of orgasm for me.
With the bullet in the loop, I was able to grind this “middle” section against/into the opening of my vagina, stimulating the nerve endings which are there. I moved this toy in a circular sort of motion and was soon experiencing my first (then second and third) vaginal orgasms. Now, these weren’t G-spot orgasms as they weren’t located that far in but it was still different from my usual clitoral orgasms and I was ecstatic to say the least.
On that note, I didn’t find a whole lot of G-spot stimulation because the silicone does have a lot of give – more than I am used to from pure silicone toys which usually seem to be firmer. I also can’t say that I was very sensitive to the shape of the Bloomy. I liked it but it wasn’t obvious that it has a unique shape after I inserted it. Still, it did feel good and I actually found walking around with this toy inserted to feel pleasurable (internally, at least, the walking was kind of silly).
I was really excited to find a toy that both looked and felt amazing, and the unique orgasms the Bloomy gave me were a welcome change from my usual routine. It was exciting to learn something new about myself, and I think the Bloomy makes a great toy when paired with a bullet vibe, but it’s certainly versatile enough to use in other ways. In the future, I will likely invest in a stronger bullet/egg vibe to use with my Bloomy, and I think the fact that I want to get another sex toy simply to improve my Bloomy experience says a lot. I would recommend the Bloomy to just about any way!
Miracle Massager
$55.59
from Store.OfSexAndLove.com
Psst, are you wondering if I still enjoy the Miracle Massager? Check out my updated thoughts in my “A Toy A Day” feature!
My methods of masturbation have always involved more pressure than vibration alone and I began to think that perhaps I didn’t even like vibration. Then I wondered if maybe the toys I was using simply weren’t strong enough and I began to seriously consider the wand style vibrators. Perhaps I simply needed something incredibly strong like the Hitachi, except I just couldn’t over how ugly most of those sex toys were and the resemblance to a microphone certainly was a turn off as well. So I opted for something I thought would be powerful enough, knowing I could always invest in Hitachi at a later point, but the Miracle Massager was better looking. And, with it’s black and red colour scheme and ergonomically curved handle, the Miracle Massage really is the best looking of this type of vibrator in my opinion.
I’m not sure if I can say the Miracle Massager is actually miraculous; nevertheless, it certainly is wonderful. The first day alone, I used it for at least 30 minutes. I used it until I simply couldn’t use it anymore, lest my vulva fall off. I ended up sweaty and tired and had numerous orgasms. You can probably tell I am a fan of the Miracle Massager. I’m glad I tried something different; I’ve been trying to expand from my normal toys and I’ve had a lot of different experiences. This is definitely one of the better ones.
So, how does this differ from insertable vibes? Well, it’s not insertable for one. It plugs in. It has a cylindrical, PVC head which is the only part which you use to stimulate yourself (the rest being handle) and the vibration is spread out over a larger surface. The head rests on a spring which allows movement, unlike some similar vibes. It’s ergonomically designed (the handle is curved). It’s much larger than most vibes. And it’s really freaking strong.
And are these differences notable? You betcha!
I’m a clit girl anyway so I wasn’t missing anything by not being able to insert the Miracle Massager. However, they are some insertable attachments. I would say this is the only real bone I have to pick: the Hitachi has a million quality attachments while the Miracle Massager has only a handful, most of which seem lame.
Relying on a cord plugged into the wall for power as opposed to batteries resulted in a lot stronger vibrations. The Miracle Massager has a high and low setting, the latter which seems to match the high setting on some of my battery powered toys and the former which is, well, much higher. So far, I’ve found the high setting to be the most pleasurable but I don’t like to use it on bare skin: I prefer the stimulation through a thin pair of yoga-type pants. The cord is something which does take a bit of adjustment. I have an outlet perfectly situated in the bedroom but I actually wound up pulling the plug out of the wall in my ‘throes of passion’ in the living room. I have since then made a mental note to use an extension cord. Overall, however, the cord has not been detrimental to my play time.
I actually don’t like pinpoint vibrations (again, the pressure) so I found the shape of the head to be amazing (PVC might not be the safest material, however. I also found that the red PVC seemed to pick up a black ‘stain’ – probably from the pants I wore while using this). I use this with the flat part of the head against my vulva and clitoris while the handle extends outward. I’m pretty sure it’s a unique way to use a toy like this but it allows me to apply a lot of pressure as well as use the..
Spring! This is definitely a highlight of the toy. The strong spring allows me to bend this toy as much as I need and also to apply a rocking sensation as I grind against the Miracle Massager. With many toys which have some bend/give, I wind up breaking them. I am happy to say this is not the issue. The spring is very thick and I have no fear of it breaking. Although the spring does not stick out, it’s not exactly covered so be wary of your hair which some have had pulled by the spring.
I had no issues with the design of the handle. It’s ridged and definitely easy to hold. Because you don’t need to lube it up, it doesn’t slip. The button slides from Off to Low or High and is easy to use. I’m not sure if it’s necessarily as ergonomic as the makers would likely have you believe but it is more appealing to the eye than straight handles.
Although the Magic Massager is larger than most toys, the box actually doesn’t suggest it. This toy comes in a rectangular cardboard box and sits inside a plastic tray. The box doesn’t waste a lot of space and I was actually surprised at how small it is. I was worried about the size and weight of this toy because my fingers and wrists can be lame but it has not been an issue.
And did I mention it’s strong? I don’t know if it can stand up to the Hitachi but it’s definitely the strongest toy I have used and works just fine for me.
A couple side notes – cleaning is really minimum because it’s not insertable and the head is smooth – just wipe down the head with toy cleaner, wipes or soap and water (on a washcloth probably). Storage is easy because I don’t have to worry about it not touching other toys and it seems to be pretty sturdy. I could easily shove it under the bed and not have to worry about it picking up lint. It doesn’t fit in my Devine Storage Box so that’s a shame but it’s not my biggest concern. Using for 30 minutes or more at a time, I have not experienced any uncomfortable (over)heating.
Overall, I have no real complaints about this toy. It provided me with everything I expected and the spring definitely put it into the “and more” category. It’s powerful, as attractive as these toys can be, and more affordable than some toys which do a whole lot of nothing. If you’re interested in something with souped up vibrations, definitely check out the Miracle Massager!
Swingin' Pendulum
N/A
from
This is an archived review of a discontinued product.
When I picked out the Swinging Pendulum I was interested in triple stimulation. I’d just tried my first anal plug with a fair measure of success, and the “anal tingler” of this toy, paired with a thumb-like g-spot insertion and nubbed clitoral stimulator, seemed like a pretty package all wrapped up in pink. Unfortunately, there’s nothing swinging about this toy.
The Swingin’ Pendulum is little and cute – I would almost call it dinky. Made of hard plastic, the exterior of which is specially treated to result in a velvety texture (known as rubber/velvet cote), I liked how the Pendulum feels in my hand. Rubbercote can also be wiped down with an alcohol solution for sterilization or cleaned with soap and water.
This toy has a plug-in jack which, I think, is meant to make cleaning easier by allowing you to unplug the toy from the remote; the Swingin’ Pendulum is not waterproof. The remote control and battery pack felt alarmingly flimsy when empty, but the added weight of 2 AA batteries does improve this some. The remote features a dial control from “Off” to the highest “On” setting.
This sex toy is made up of 3 stimulators which combine to make the toy look like, well, a pendulum. The insertable, G-spot stimulator is thumb-shaped and curves slightly toward the front of the toy, where the G-spot would be. IT also has three pronounced rings toward the base. The clitoral stimulator makes up the front, bottom portion of the toy and has 2 rows of 3 evenly space nubs for a total of 6. I was initially put off of these nubs because they are hard. Finally, the anal stimulator tapers (like a.. tentacle?) and is topped off with a spherical knob.
Right out of the box (clear plastic with a half-naked blondie in the background – there isn’t a lot of useful information to be found), I tested out the vibrations. I had no problem inserting batteries or using the dial. The vibrations, which are centered in the bottom of the pendulum but translate to the insertable thumb pretty well, start off pretty mild, and as I turned them up, the vibrations changed smoothly without being too jerky. There is a light on the control pack which starts dim and grows much brighter as you turn up the vibrations and I suppose this would be nice in the dark. On the highest setting, this light makes the entire top half of the control glow.
One thing I found was that, at some point near maximum vibration, this toy starts to go wild. The vibrations become really shaky and unstable feeling, the light flickers a lot and the toy sounds as though it’s going to explode. I’m so not even kidding. It sounds like it’s really straining, as though California Exotic tried really hard to add some higher settings but this little toy just couldn’t handle it.
Testing aside, I wasn’t impressed. I didn’t realize how difficult to use and uncomfortable the Swingin’ Pendulum would be. My personal experience was that the clitoral stimulator was much too short to reach my clit unless I did something akin to the Hokey Pokey. The anal stimulator was also short and oddly placed so it simply sat between my cheeks and there was little vibration to be felt there. The G-spot stimulator carried the vibration the best but it wasn’t doing anything spectacular. I couldn’t even feel the nubs or rings and I wasn’t able to insert the toy as far as I would have liked because of its shape. The velvet cote mattered not to my girl parts.
The hard plastic has absolutely no give and, by now, I know there is no “one size fits all” when it comes to sex toys. I think a more giving material, like silicone, would make much more sense. Being able to adjust the clitoral and anal stimulators would have made this experience much more pleasant. There was really only one part of this toy that did what it was supposed to, but I already have better G-spot vibrators.
Overall, this was a disappointing toy and experience. After using it, I actually felt a bit sore. The hard plastic meant I couldn’t grind against or rub the toy on me without it being painful. I could only really use it lying down (I thought I might be able to use it sitting, inside my panties) without it being uncomfortable and pinchy. Lastly, I took a closer look at the Swingin’ Pendulum and saw that it was not seamless; there were cracks and gaps where the pieces of the toy fit together, and I imagine this would be a perfect place for bacteria to hide – thus making this toy less sanitary than I’d like.
If you’re looking for triple stimulation or G-spot toys, there are many better options, including Mona.
Nikki's Vibration Dual Pleasure Pump
N/A
from
This is an archived review of a discontinued product.
Now, I must admit my ignorance: I have no idea who Nikki is. I do know I tend to shy away from [Insert Star here]’s [Insert Toy Here] because they tend to be a lot of hype and expect the toy to tell simply because of who is half naked on the front of the package. I also know that I have heard more discouraging reviews of pump-style toys for women than encouraging ones, and it took quite a while for me to come around to the idea, and when I did, it seemed to me like most of them don’t look fantastic. They’re still lagging when it comes to quality. Still, I thought this concept had a lot of potential and selected Nikki’s Vibrating Dual Pleasure Pump because, while it does boast a half-naked so-and-so, it also seemed to be a better toy than many other pumps.
This toy is made up of a suction cup with purple pump and a small vibrator that reminds me of a mini pocket rocket minus the end you touch yourself with – hence the “dual pleasure,” or so I assume. In fact, the suction cup is actually a part of the vibrator in a way. I thought the combination of both parts was actually pretty good. Nikki’s Vibrating Dual Pleasure Pump showed up in a small paperboard box, was encased in a plastic bag and also included 6 batteries. 6! This is because the vibrating portion of the toy takes 3 batteries at a time, so it’s nice to have extra, but I don’t see myself running out to the store to replace these watch-style batteries on a frequent basis.
Although this toy was marketed more as a nipple pump and is much smaller than most clit pumps (the circumference of the cup is almost exactly the size of a dime), I used it on my clit instead. I first played around suctioning the cup to my finger and was surprised at the strength of the suction. It wasn’t like I couldn’t break the seal, but it latched on to my finger right away, and I was immediately more hopeful about this toy than I had been when I first ordered it.
Trying out the vibrator, on the other hand, was disappointing. The batteries wanted to fall into the toy the wrong way and the twist-on battery cap (you know the on, off, open style) didn’t want to close. That style is also extremely easy to accidentally open when you’re turning it off. The vibrations were extremely weak, as I expected them to be, considering their power source. Watch batteries just don’t pack a lot of punch and, apparently, don’t last long either. My first use was probably 20 – 30 minutes and the second time I picked up this toy to play, they were dead. I was shocked! I assume I will get another 30 minutes of vibration out of this toy – if that – and then it will fall to the bottom of my toy box because I am not going to replace 3 watch batteries every time I play.
I was going to give this toy a chance, anyway and set to try this out on my erogenous zones and headed straight to my clitoris with the pump. Unfortunately, because of the size, it was a bit of a guessing game to position the cup correctly over my clit. Actually, I must have guessed pretty well because I got it right the first time without having to use my fingers to feel my way around. Still, other times proved more difficult and I did have to do some finger feelin’.
I was able to create a suction right away by squeezing the pump and turned the vibration on as well. Overall, the vibration is nothing I would use alone and it certainly won’t send me over the edge but Nikki’s Vibrating Dual Pleasure Pump would probably be a tad bland without it.
I do think the pump could be improved. I would have liked something with more progressive pressure (like the blood pressure cuff, I guess) so that I could increase the suction by pumping. I wanted it to feel more like someone was sucking on my clit. I found myself wanting to pump again, which actually breaks the seal rather than providing more suction. However, you never have to worry about being sucked into some swirling vortex; one quick squeeze and your tender parts are free – whether for better or worse is up to you.
I enjoyed tugging lightly at this sex toy while it was secured to my clit. It provided a very different sort of stimulation. I also played with unsucking and resucking Nikki’s Vibrating Dual Pleasure Pump to my clit, but I think both of these methods would have been improved with a bigger, stronger suction cup (like I said, progressively suction).
By the way, I did try this as a nipple toy and found I could not get it to suck around my nipples at all. My nipples seemed too large (which I don’t think they’re abnormally large by any shot), but it could be that the nipple area is dry, compared to the clitoral area, which is more moist and possibly more conducive to suction. Either way, my nipples aren’t sensitive at all so it didn’t do anything for me there.
While this was both nice and different, and I definitely think that suction-style sex toys are something every woman should at least try, it was not an amazing sex toy. It wasn’t something that was going to get me off by its features alone, but I do not have a super sensitive clit. It would be better for teasing or warm up and I don’t really do that. I would rather have a really powerful suction cup that allows me to adjust the level of suction.
I’m not sure if what I want actually exists, or maybe I have to design it myself. Nikki’s Vibrating Dual Pleasure Pump had stronger suction than I expected, but it just didn’t do a whole lot, and I cannot recommend this toy for anything other than warming up. If you want a toy that does it all, this is not the toy for you.
Paris Duckie
from
This is an archived review of a discontinued product.
When Babeland first offered the Paris I Rub My Duckie for review, I was hesitant. After all, the duckie I really had my eye on was the Bondage version with his leather, spikes and bright red ball gag. Still, the entire line from Big Teaze Toys is pretty appealing, and I thought that I certainly wouldn’t be any worse off if I decided to add the Paris duckie to my collection; I’d already had a pretty good experience with the I Rub My Wormie so I opted for the duckie, and soon she was at my doorstep.
I expected the Paris Duckie to be more of a novelty, and I had read various accounts of how the duckie line performed; some folks loved it and were surprised by the amount of vibration they provided, while others were sorely disappointed. I was ready to accept the duckie even if she didn’t rock my world; I’d still smile every time I saw her in the shower, especially because our new shower caddy had a perfect place for her to perch. For anyone who needs a discreet toy, the Paris (or any other) Duckie is really a good solution.
My Paris Duckie was pink (although she is also available in black and white), and she arrived in a cylindrical container with a carry strap. She appeared to be on stage in her package and it was obviously this is definitely designed to show off her cute looks! With her lips painted pretty and pink, lashes dark and a little “diamond” nose stud, the Paris Duckie is not only cute but extremely feminine. In fact, I’d say the Paris Ducky is probably the only of the Duckie line which is specifically female. My Duckie was topped off with a feather boa around her neck in matching pink. All in all, she is pleasing to the eye and can get away with being in plain sight without giving you away.
But when I set out to actually prep my Duckie for use, I noticed 2 things which were not only annoying but counterproductive to my enjoyment of this discreet vibrator. First, I removed the boa because I knew it would not do well in wet conditions. Luckily, the boa is not a full circle but 1 piece with velcro on either end. As I undressed my pink Paris Duckie, I knew I would never put the boa back on. Although cute in pictures and for the first 30 seconds she is in the package, the boa is definitely a pretty useless piece of the Paris Duckie. My cats soon commandeered the boa, which had been sitting on my desk, and it will probably wind up in the trash eventually. If you actually plan to use the Paris Duckie (or at least keep it in the shower for decoration), the boa does no good. To top it off, I found the Duckie less pretty without her boa.
The other thing which I found frustrating is that the battery compartment, which is located on the Duckie underside, is screwed shut. This is the first toy I have had like that and I really find that unacceptable in a toy. All our screw drivers are in a toolbox outside, in our storage area, so I had to fetch one to open her up. Of course, my cats also stole that one so I had to get another when I wanted to take the batteries out. This was annoying enough to me but if you’re the type who stores toys without their batteries, I imagine you will soon tire of the hassle of removing the battery compartment cover.
Once batteries were installed (2AA), I tested out the Duckie. Squeezing her abdomen turns on her only speed which was surprisingly powerful. Yet, I also thought she was rather loud, which isn’t something you want if discreetness is a priority. To test my theory, I had my husband stand inside the bathroom, outside the bathroom and in the bedroom while I stood inside the running shower to see if he could detect the duckie. Luckily, he couldn’t even hear her when he was in the bathroom with me so I think I was perhaps super alert to the Duckie’s vibes.
I found the vibration to be the shakey type which I tend to like over most of my toys. Still, the vibrations were not as strong as I’d really liked. My favorite way to use my Duckie is with her tail against my clit (so she and I are facing the same way), but the vibrations were about the same strength throughout the toy. Because of her unique shape, the Paris Duckie isn’t good for insertion but I’m a clit girl anyway.
Although I found the vibrations of the Duckie to be enjoyable and even cause some spasms, I was not going to cum. I find it difficult to orgasm standing, so I headed to the bedroom. Here, I worked toward and orgasm, and while it did come, it was a long time in the making and not very pleasurable. It was also due mostly to my own efforts rather than Duckie’s. Sadly to say, this will not be my go-to toy.
When I used the Duckie in bed, I also used it with lube, and this led to another disappointment. Lube and liquids seemed to be getting into the battery compartment because it didn’t fit flush against the Duckie. Not only does this create concerns about safety (could the battery compartment be harboring bacteria?) but how would this duckie do in water? I expected my Duckie to do well in water and the packaging even says she will float but I was dubious. I filled my sink with water to test and discovered she does float – and upright! However, I was also right that some water was getting into the battery compartment. It wasn’t much and did not cause damage but I definitely would not use this toy completely submerged. I feel confident that my Duckie will be okay where she sits in the shower but she is not in the line of water. For a supposedly waterproof toy, this oversight is shocking.
Nevertheless, my Paris Duckie remains sitting on my shower caddy and looking ever-so-cute. She does bring a smile to my face and I’m sure I’m not the only one. If you don’t require super strong vibes to get off and are in need of a discreet vibrator, the Duckie just might do the trick. However, if you’re looking for a strong and versatile toy, the Paris Duckie probably won’t float your boat (ha!)
