Symphony Massager

August 6th, 2010

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

This month’s (okay, last month’s, I guess) Sexpert toy from California Exotics is the Symphony Massager. It’s true to its name (massager) and discretely looks nothing like a sex toy at all. In fact, as I sit here gazing at it, I find it difficult to describe the type of toy it is. There’s a nod, to some high-end toys, like the Form 6 or even one of the Lelo toys, except the Symphony Massager isn’t dual-ended, and I have no desire whatsoever to insert it.

A few of the basics. This is a plastic toy. It has a velvety finish. It comes in lavender (what I have) and white. It measures 8″ from tip to tip, and you can insert a little under 4.5.” The widget varies: the ends are wider than the center, with the handle end being wider than the insertable end, which is ovular (not a perfect circle) and has a circumference of 4.75.” The thinnest part of the insertable portion has a circumference of 3.25.”

The vibrations are focused at the insertable. Oddly enough, there is a little dimple on the top of this end. I guess it could be used for clitoral stimulation, but I think it’s kind of useless because then the angle of the toy would make it curve away from your body. I prefer toys that mimic the curve of my pubic bone, I guess. The angle on this toy is really unique and quite high. If I set the toy on a flat surface so it rests on either tip, I can slip four fingers into the open area created by the angle (under the toy). That really has no significance, but I think it’s fun and such.

The Symphony Massager uses a single push button to operate. It sits inside another dimple, toward the center of the toy but on the handle end. It’s surrounded by silver, and it sticks up a lot. I say this because I like buttons that are easy to find, and this one is! My nails don’t get in the way. It’s not right next to another equally tiny button. I like it a lot.

When you press this button, you will cycle through several settings: low steady vibration, high steady vibration, short-short-long pulsation, short pulsation, and a weird back-and-forth sort of pulse that I am failing to describe well. If you’re paying attention, then you’ll notice that there is no “medium” setting. I constantly skip to the first pulsation setting because I want something stronger. It’s a force of habit that is hard to break and California Exotics might due better to just stick to what has worked thus far.

Because the Symphony Massager runs on 2AAAs the vibrations are buzzy and the pulsation lacks “oomph.” This is the kind of toy that mostly makes me tingle a little, but then I reach for something stronger, as I did. I cannot recall if I got off from this because it does have a broader surface, which I like externally. If I did, I wasn’t much impressed.

Now, I didn’t bring this anywhere near my internal organs. For one, it just doesn’t seem like an internal toy to me. Secondly, there is a ridiculous seam running through the plastic, all the way around. Needless to say, this isn’t anywhere close to waterproof, nor would I ever recommend sharing it without some sort of gamma-ray.. stuff. Either plastic piece of this toy seems to be melted together in two locations on the insertable part. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to melt seamlessly the whole way or if it just connects at those points but.. it’s weird. It seems cheap, and while many would not be able to feel it in use, it ‘s just not something I want inside me.’

It’s funny that the pieces would be so far apart because the battery pack is tight. I think CEN used all the recalled China shrink cream on this because wow, just wow! You have to turn the cap to the correct position to unlock it and pull it off. Be prepared to give a forceful yank and have your batteries fly in your face to fully remove it. Then you might chuckle because the is, indeed, a plastic O-ring in there. The same move in reverse replaces the cap.

My verdict, as you can see, is this is not the toy for me. Were the quality better, it’d be a decent, basic toy–inexpensive, potential versatile, easy to use and varied. Now, it just feels cheap.

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Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe

July 19th, 2010

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

Lordy, has it ever taken me forever to sit down to this review. If you didn’t guess from the name and picture, this rabbit vibrator is in Digital Playground’s line of Pirates-inspired toys. All of them are extremely artistic, and the thought that went into creation and design is really astounding. I’m not sure why the toys are out now (DVD release, maybe?) but it’s hard to miss them at any retailer.

So let me start by saying that Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe is heavy on the detail. The base is made of a hard, velvety plastic in a deep rosey pink. On either side is a “decal” featuring a stylized cross between two “ropes.” Around the top of the base, below where the shaft starts, are two rows of orange rhinestones.

And then there’s the shaft in a translucent pink TPE. The first third of the shaft, next to the base, has a stylized pirate skull embossed into it with some surrounding details. We are talking major texture here (although, this portion isn’t insertable with the clitoral stimulator being there and all). The clit stim is, literally, crafted to look like a cannon on a rolling platform with the barrel pointing toward the end the toy. It’s the barrel that will rest against the clitoris during use.The design is a little different from your typical rabbits and the clit stim extends about 1.25″ from the base. Although the sides and back of the cannon have some texture, the part that will actually touch the body is smooth, except for a single ridge that goes around the end of the cannon.

This portion of the shaft ends with an embossed “rope” that encircles the shaft. Then the TPE is smooth for about 1.75.” Behind this portion of TPE, the rotating beads sit and you can see them pretty clearly through the smooth TPE.

The last third of the shaft starts with another embossed rope and, above that, more texture can be found. The head of the shaft is curved, for G-spot stimulation, I’d guess, and stylized so it looks like the curved butt of those old-fashioned pirate pistols. There are swirly lines and a starburst-y pattern, among other textures. Now, don’t think about it too much because you’ll realize it makes no sense for this cannon vibe to have a handle like that and, even if it did, it shouldn’t be on that end. You see, you’d be shooting yourself. But, like I said, pay no attention to logic.

By this point, I’d be halfway done with most of my reviews. The reason I’ve spent so much attention on this detail is simply because there is a lot of it and it will effect your experience. I can’t say for sure whether it will be a negative or positive impact but this is the type of texture that you just cannot miss. I absolutely recommend using a fuckton of lube (water or silicone) with the Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe to ease insertion and prevent pain.

To add to the texture, this isn’t a tiny vibe. The girth around the smooth portion is 1.59.” It definitely has a decent size, and with the texture around the last third, the girth is probably even a bit larger. There are 4.5″ that you can insert but, I’ll be honest, I thought it felt like so much more. Perhaps because of the girth or texture or because the cannon barrel is shorter than most rabbit clit stims, but it was just so.. there.

Size-wise, I wasn’t really fulfilled. I say that playfully because I definitely was filled, but the size and curve of the shaft weren’t the best to reach my clit, nor was the clit stim super effective. The cannon barrel is a chunk of squishy TPE, so it doesn’t move like rabbit ears, nor can you really get a lot of pressure from it.

The vibrations were also a little lackluster, which I should have known. This will probably be the last toy I get that uses AAAs because they never satisfy me. This rabbit takes 4 (in an easy load type pack, the battery cap screws on, and there’s a prominent O-ring), but the output is just pathetic. When you push the power button, both functions turn on. The shaft and beads rotate simultaneously while the clit stim vibrates. There’s a single button to page through vibration modes (low, medium and high) but the vibes are so high pitched that all the steady modes feel pretty similar and the pulsation modes are nothing to write home about either. There are 7 vibration settings altogether.

The other button adjusts the speed of rotation, of which there are three speeds. There’s also two sort of pulsing rotation settings. That’s pretty unique but it’s overwhelmed by the vibration, size and texture in my opinion. I do not specifically recall if I could stop the rotation with my PC muscles but I wouldn’t doubt it, considering the source. I tend not to try it with larger or super textured toys, though, because it hurts.

The functions are interesting and I have a few thoughts about them. One, when you turn off the toy (with the master power switch), it takes a few seconds for the rotation to stop and it still makes noise while it’s stopping. That’s a bummer. Secondly, you cannot have just the vibrations or just the rotation on. Another bummer. It’s not ridiculously loud though. With both functions on the highest setting, it’s still much quieter than the Miracle Massager and it’s quieter in use, as the body absorbs some of the sound.

Like most rabbits, Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe is weight and lacks balance. I think the gobs of TPE used to create the details only adds to that, sadly. The long base (the toy is over 10″ long in total) on this one is a bit difficult to use with my short arms. I find that I have to pull the base upwards to grasp it well and this results in the shaft pulling away from any sensitive spots. This is something that frequently occurs with rabbits, however.

Just to cover a few basics, you can easily wash this one with soap and water but will have to carefully scrub around the texture. There is a storage bag included, but the shiny TPE tends to stick on the material during insertion or removal, so it’s not as practical as I’d like.

So, my final thoughts are like this: Digital Playground has created some really unique movie merchandise, but, like most movie merchandise, I feel like Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe would be better left in its box, on the mantel shelf than actually put to use. In fact, some true movie merchandise might have been more useful than sex toys.

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Solar Bullet

July 3rd, 2010

Solar Bullet

Solar Bullet
$25.91S from Amazon

The Solar Bullet from California Exotics is something that several sites offered up for review–and I passed over–before I knew I was going to be reviewing it for the manufacturer. You see, I’m not a huge fan of bullet vibes to begin with (I already have one that I like just fine) and the concept seemed more novel than practical for me. But it did show up at my door, and try it out, I did.

The Solar Bullet was actually charged, which is neat. There’s a little blue light on the control pack/charger that indicates this status. I believe it needs 8 hours to fully charge and it doesn’t need OMG sunlight. I set it on my printer to charge, without ever opening my blinds. You can use other light sources, too.

So the charger is a mostly, flat solar cell type thingy in plastic. There’s a sliding button to control vibrations. The button’s a little retro, in my opinion, but it functions just fine. The pack itself is much bigger than the battery packs I’ve used for other bullets and it’s bigger than my cell phone as well. It doesn’t quite fit nimbly in the palm of a person’s hand but I understand it has to be that size for this concept to work at all.

Well, sort of.

You see, the solar bullet isn’t any more powerful than those wireless bullets that rely on watch batteries and they don’t have any bulky attachments. The vibrations are extremely high pitched so while there’s an initial tingle, my body becomes unable to feel them at all within a minute. That just doesn’t cut it for me.

I’m not a huge fan of the design, either. The Solar Bullet is very narrow hard plastic shape, even moreso than any of the watch-battery bullets I’ve had with other toys, if I recall correctly. It would probably fit into some of those cock rings that take replaceable bullets, if you have a need. Other than that, I like my surfaces to be broader and flatter and.. more usable. For some unknown reason, there is a tiny light at the tip of the solar bullet. I don’t know if it’s plastic or glass but I have this secret fear of breaking the clear casing and slicing through my clit. Yea, no… Not a good visual. Even if it didn’t make me fearful, I just don’t understand the point. Don’t lotsa people like to use the very tip of the toy? This pretty much means you cannot do that.

Needless to say, I really didn’t spend enough time with the Solar Bullet to run it dry. I really like the idea but it just doesn’t work for me in the real world. Unless you’re into collecting novel toys, skip this one.

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Ultimate Satisfier

June 24th, 2010

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

I continue my quest for the perfect dual stimulator, and a toy with the word “Ultimate” in its name ought to be pretty close, don’t you think? The Ultimate Satisfier adds a handle to the mix, something that many other vibrators lack. There is an extremely similar toy by PHS International with the exact same clitoral stimulator and handle. However, the insertable portion is a copy of the shaft of the Fun Factory Curve. I enjoyed the Curve and wasn’t so sure the ridges on the Ultimate Satisfier would be as pleasurable because of my recent experience with some ridges.

I’ve reviewed many similar sex toys so I thought I’d sum it up a little quicker than usual.

The Pros:

  • This toy is probably the best fit I’ve found for my anatomy, yet. The curve between the internal and external portions nearly hugs my pubic bone. It’s almost perfectly curved/angled.
  • The clitoral stimulator is 1.5″ in length, long enough to actually reach my clit.
  • The ridges on the shaft give the impression of some girth while the diameter is only 1.19″.
  • It’s made of hygienic, non-porous silicone (I flame tested), and the insertable portion is firm enough for consistent G-spot stimulation and possibly some thrusting.
  • The handle is more maneuverable than it appears.
  • The push-button, super-long bullet vibrator has multiple speeds and relies on a standard AAA battery rather than watch batteries. You can actually feel the difference between the levels, too.
  • The toy is waterproof, and the bullet has a prominent O-ring next to the battery cap.
  • It costs less than $25.

But there are a few cons, too:

  • I couldn’t necessarily feel the ridges on the insertable portion.
  • The clitoral stimulator is thinner and more flexible to give me the pressure I like.
  • The handle, while useful for G-spot stimulation, didn’t work quite so well for clitoral stimulation.
  • The vibrations are hard to feel externally because 1 AAA battery just does not provide a lot of power. The vibrations are also quite buzzy, rather than deep.
  • The shaft does not have much of a curve, so I imagine it just won’t reach all G-spots.
  • Because the long bullet extends into the internal shaft, you can’t bend it to reach any particular spot. This was actually a little uncomfortable/painful on some occasions.
  • The silicone is the shiny/sticky sort. Water-based lube is probably a must for many people.
  • There is a visible and tangible-to-the-finger seam that runs around the entire toy.

Everything else:

Because this vibrator “fits” so well, it has the potential to be a hands-free toy. Of course, your range of motion and use will be limited with the handle sticking out. It’s versatile enough to use for vaginal/perineum stimulation and can be inserted anally as well because the shape will prevent it from getting lost.

While the Ultimate Satisfier is really close to what I need, it’s not quite the ultimate toy to satisfy me. The composition of silicone is kind of.. strange. I don’t think I’ve used any other toy with this shiny and dense silicone. It doesn’t feel as nice as velvety silicone that I’m used to.

It worked well enough internally, but the clitoral stimulator just didn’t have enough pressure for it to be a true dual stimulator. I already own several toys that are just as, if not more, successful at making me squirt, but that doesn’t mean the Ultimate Satisfier won’t work well for someone who has a more sensitive clit.

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Nexus G-Play Trio

June 20th, 2010

Note that the current version of the G-Play Trio has internal, rechargeable motors, which will likely have vibrations different from those I experienced. 

The G-Play set from Nexus is a great combination of silicone P- or G-spot stimulators. Ranging in size, these silicone vibrators are suitable for anal beginners as well as more experienced aficionados. Like most Nexus products, the G-play set can also be used vaginally.

This isn’t my first experience with a Nexus product. There was Chloe, which bombed horribly, and the G-Rider, a similarly crafted vibrator. I wasn’t in love with that piece because I was looking for a vaginal/G-spot toy and it may have been a better anal fit. My expectations with the G-play trio were a bit more on target.

The first thing I noticed about this set is the little “touch me” circle of silicone on the box. I’ve seen that on a lot of Cyberskin pussies and similar toys, but never for silicone. It’s a great idea and impressed me with the amount of detail Nexus puts into their toys.

The three pieces in the set are obviously graduated in size. The smallest vibrator (light purple), which is only available in this set, is only a little larger than a pinky finger at 2.72″ long and .23″ wide. It’s unassuming, even if you’re a nervous beginner. I’m not exactly a beginner, but my forays into anal play have been few and far between these recent years.

The medium-sized (red) piece is about twice the size at 3.32″ in length and a diameter of .43″. The large piece tops off the set with a length of 3.64″ and a diameter of .51″. Note that these pieces are more ovular than they are round, so while the largest vibe may look as “wide” as a penis, it’s not as girthy as one.

Each of these vibrators is powered by a single battery–which Nexus includes. G-play small requires one AAAA, while the medium and large use AAAs. Don’t expect too much from the vibrations, however. The small and medium G-plays are single-speed, continuous vibrations of the buzzy sort, while the large has 5 settings. The vibrators are easy enough to work with a single push button. It’s mostly flush with the base, though, so it could become a little hard to find with lube in the picture.

And you should probably use a quality water-based lube because the anus is not self-lubricating. The velvety silicone doesn’t offer an extreme amount of drag, but it’s not quite as slick as smooth plastic. Nexus designed the G-Play trio with a flat, narrow base. It’s not like most anal plugs that flare out, but the base is larger than the insertable portion, making them safe for anal play.

I appreciate that the bases tend to be long but narrow. I’ve had issues with plugs and large bases because the base struggles to be in the same place that the rest of my ass is in.

When inserting any of the G-play vibes, you may not be able to go directly in because the shaft doesn’t follow a straight path like your typical plug. In addition to this, I know some people prefer to point angled heads on anal toys toward the back, instead of the front, for comfort reasons. Others, of course, can take advantage of this for P-spot stimulation.

I had my husband insert the smaller G-Play, and it went in easily enough despite the rigidity and curved head. It also came out quite easily with the long, narrow base and didn’t leave any discomfort. Use was easy–he just pressed a button. Still, it wasn’t ideal. The shaft isn’t much wider than the neck, so the small G-play kept wanting to slip out. During vaginal intercourse, he had to hold it in to keep it in place. While I suspect this would be less of an issue with the larger vibes, the shapes are very similar and proportionate. Don’t expect any G-play to stay in while doing jumping jacks.

Also, the vibrations weren’t impressive. When he was thrusting, I couldn’t feel them at all. I wasn’t sure what to expect from my first vibrating anal toy, and I’m still not sure if I like anal vibrations, but I’m definitely sure AAAA batteries will not cut it!

As I mentioned, these can be used vaginally. I opted to try the middle size and wasn’t overly impressed. The shaft managed to find my shallow G-spot, but the rigid, hooked head was busy poking other parts of my vagina. Its shape isn’t really friendly toward my anatomy, and I didn’t try the large G-Play because I knew it would only be pokier.

I discovered something interesting about this set, as well. The vibration portion is actually a thin, plastic shaft that connects to a wider base. The silicone sleeves on each G-Play can be pulled off of these bases and bleached or boiled to sanitize and wipe down the plastic with alcohol as well. This is kinda cool because, while the G-Rider is silicone, I don’t feel like it’s as safe to share as this set is.

Ultimately, the G-Play Trio went into a drawer, soon to be forgotten. However, Nexus wasn’t done with them because the company upgraded them to rechargeable motors, which might resolve some of my complaints with the original design.

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Peace Reflections Glass Vibe

June 15th, 2010

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

This is my first vibrating piece of glass, and I knew fairly well what to expect. Glass vibrators typically consist of a glass sleeve that fits snugly over a regular vibe of some sort, and I’ve used a handful of glass pieces now, so I know their feel and temperature properties well. It’s something else to put them together, though.

The first thing I noticed about the Peace Reflections Glass Vibe was its looks. The piece beneath the glass is painted a metallic purple, and with the glass atop it, the whole thing looks almost.. silky. It sounds weird, but that is exactly what springs to mind. The glass itself has several ridges around the straight shaft; they are slightly diagonal. This vibe has a rather pronounced head; it bulges outward from the shaft and tapers toward the end at a rounded point. I probably wouldn’t recommend Peace Reflections to a toy newbie because of this.

Numbers-wise, the majority of the shaft has a diameter of 1.32″ inches, and the widest part of the head has a diameter of 1.51″. Peace Reflections Glass Vibe isn’t very long and only measures 6″ total, about 5 of which are insertable.

My experience with the shape of this vibe was quite interesting. It doesn’t take much to reach my G-spot most days because it’s so shallow; in fact, even straight toys can usually do it decently, but this was not the case with this vibe. It just didn’t stimulate my G-spot with any sort of consistency. I think that it’s a bit difficult for me to wield because it’s short and so are my arms. A longer toy or a longer handle would be great. I imagine this toy would be even more frustrating if your G-spot happens to be really deep or your pubic bone is curved.

Still, Peace Reflections Glass Vibe was easy to insert, even without any lube. The glass is smooth and slick and will be cold to the touch unless you warm it (in warm water) first. If you wish, you can use water or silicone-based lubes.

I didn’t feel the ridges much when it came to straight thrusting but they were quite obvious if i twisted or turned the vibe. Actually, I didn’t particularly like this sensation, so I guess I’m glad I couldn’t feel them at any other time.

When I first used the Peace Reflections Glass Vibe, I could definitely feel the rigidity of the glass. My vagina was really sensitive that day, and it was too much for me to take. Subsequent uses have not proven to be as uncomfortable, however. I would warn that you be careful with rigid toys like glass, especially during partner play. It’s definitely easy to make a quick movement that can cause pain or discomfort when a toy is this unforgiving.

Even though I didn’t love the Peace Reflections Glass Vibe for internal play, the gently rounded head felt nice for clitoral stimulation. I sort of used the side of the head, and away we went.

The vibratory powers of this toy probably won’t blow you away. Peace Reflections Glass Vibe runs on a single AA, has three steady levels of vibration and operates with a single push button at the base of the toy. It’s quite buzzy, but the levels are distinct from one another. The noise output of this vibe is really quite minimal; although, the highest setting does have a little whine to it.

The glass is ridiculously easy to clean, and you can wash the Peace Reflections Glass Vibe with soap and water because there is an O-ring between the battery cap and the toy. This makes it safe to bring in the shower, but the glass can get quite slippery, so you might want to stick to dry, soft surfaces with this one.

For less than $25, you could really do worse. It’s definitely a cheaper option to explore glass.

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Eden Waterproof Body Blossom

June 9th, 2010

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

Another dual stimulator? Yea! I love the idea. It’s why I’ve tried the Rock Chick, Mini G-rock, G-Ki, Gia, Adonis and Delight–not to mention a few non “c-shaped” toys. And I’ve got the Ultimate Satisfier waiting to be reviewed, too.

The Waterproof Body Blossom is part of a line of toys from Adam & Eve that promote their Eden movie. So I suppose the little flower clit stimulator makes sense, even if it’s a bit silly. The Body Blossom’s general shape is similar to the Rock Chick; the insertable portion is fairly straight with an angled head for G-spot stimulation. It’s more angled than round so both parts of the toy rest fairly close together in its natural state. However, the jelly in this toy is much more malleable than the Rock Chick’s silicone so there’s a greater range of movement. The Body Blossom also has 3 little wave-like ridges on the insertable shaft–to match the theme, I suppose.

The whole thing is translucent purple. I haven’t used a jelly toy in a while so I have to admit, I missed the look. There’s a matching purple micro bullet that slips into a snug hole near the clit flower. It’s a pretty generic bullet and operates with a single push button. You can easily replace it with any bullet that comes with silicone dildos (Tantus) and some corded bullets (you’ll probably get more power this way). The bullet takes three watch-style batteries, and Topco provides two sets to the consumer (one set comes in the bullet). Removing the bullet to swap out batteries requires a little finesse  finagling. I added some lube to the bullet before I slipped it back in, but it was still hard to remove again.

As you can expect, the vibrations are extremely buzzy, and while the bullet isn’t overly loud, the noise matches the feel. I was slightly disappointed at how the vibrations traveled throughout the toy. However, my G-spot seemed more sensitive to the vibrations than my hand, which is good. If you’re not as sensitive to vibrations, it might not do you any good.

That is, if the damned bullet works at all for you. From the get-go, the included bullet gave me problems. I tested it out, and the button didn’t seem to do what it was supposed to. I got it turned off–until my cat bumped it or my husband picked it up. Movement was setting this thing off at random times, and the button stopped responding at all. When it came time to use it, I dropped it on the dresser to turn it on and had to let the batteries drain completely before it would shut off. I inserted the second set to see if it was a battery issue but it still doesn’t work in a way I understand. Because of this, I’m not sure if this thing is maybe supposed to have multiple settings or if it just really sucks. Of course, like I said, it’s easy to replace, so even if I were a customer, I wouldn’t try to exchange it or anything.

The jelly of the Body Blossom is phthalate-free, so it doesn’t smell like a shower liner. It has that slightly chemical-ly scent that some TPR toys have, but it’s within reason, I think. It’s a little sticky and will pick up lint and add friction during play. You can use your choice of water or silicone-based lubes. I actually used Wet Synergy, a hybrid lube. Even though I went a little lube-crazy, the Body Blossom just didn’t blossom for my body. The wave ridges made it a bit difficult to maneuver, and I tend to like my G-spot toys with a little less angle to the head.

I also like external pressure a lot, but the flexibility of this toy didn’t provide that. The flower rested gently against my labia. It’s a problem I and others with fleshier vulvas run into with this style of toy; I experienced it with Rock Chick, too. I couldn’t really spread my labia to fix the issue, either. The angle of the toy meant that it kept trying to slip upward toward my mons instead of staying in place. This is pretty typical for this style toy. I can get either G-spot stimulation or clit stimulation but not both simultaneously.

I didn’t love either aspect of the Body Blossom enough that I’m really upset, however. I guess I need a shaft with less going on for consistent G-spot stimulation, and I don’t usually like my clitoral vibrators to have little fluttery bits. I would definitely recommend the Rock Chick or Delight over the Body Blossom, although they’re both a little more expensive. I think the Body Blossom is discontinued, anyway.

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