Here’s the Plan

June 23rd, 2011

I’ve finally decided to stop trying not to fall for the adorable geek even if he’s not into me. Even if he never will be. It’s a risk that feels incredibly unlike me but also feels right at the same time. So, while not exactly rushing in blindly, this is a risk but a calculated risk, I have decided to let myself fall. I feel alive when falling in love. I feel alive, albeit miserable, when my heart is broken. I can’t help but think of him as the type of person who’s worth being broken hearted over. I never thought of my ex in those terms and, at the end of the day, he’ll never know and our amazing friendship will continue.

Oddly enough, as soon as I gave myself permission to fall for him, I started feeling a little less enamored. Is it the thrill of the chase? Or am I just not the type who can prolong emotions unrequited for extended periods of time? Perhaps I simply do not see him frequently enough and I forget how good he smells and how silly he is and how amazing his arms feel around me when I do see him?

You know what? Scratch that last paragraph. Damn.


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