All The Things You Never Wanted to Know

January 24th, 2010

I don’t have a formspring account. I don’t love change and I don’t need someplace new for folks to ask me questions. You can comment here or e-mail me or ask me on Twitter or catch me in a chatroom or stalk me just fine, thank you very much. Actually, no one has asked me questions but that’s okay! Because I am so awesome, I will answer any questions you never asked right here, right now.

Has your husband ever drank your ejaculate?
Why, yes! Actually, I was able to finally achieve a decent squirt with him today and he was really eager to taste it but I don’t think it was his thing. Still awesome, though.

Do you stick to one or two toys as your go to insurance for an orgasm, or do you experiment a lot?
I tend to stick with one toy if the goal is orgasm. I used to default to Layaspot and occasionally the Miracle Massager when I just wanted to get off quickly but I think Tuyo will probably be my clitoral vibe or choice even considering the noise factor. If I am reviewing, I might grab a bunch of toys but then my goal is usually just to get a taste for the toys and not necessarily orgasm. I almost never use more than one toy at a time as I am just not very coordinated. I find that if I like a new toy, I will use it frequently for a while until I get something new and awesome.

How did you get into sex toy reviewing?
This is a hard question. I think I was shopping around and saw a notice on Vibrator.com. I contacted them about reviewing for my regular, personal blog and was sent my first free toy (Bnaughty). I still review for them on that blog, actually. But I was hooked so I searched for other sites with similar programs and found EdenFantasys. Soon after, I started this blog so I could review for places like Babeland.

If your husband came home and told you he had been discussing a MFM threesome with a coworker or friend, how would you react?
Okay, no one asked me this but I wanted to talk about it because the idea turns me on. I doubt it would ever happen but if, for some reason, it did, I might actually just throw caution to the wind and take him up on it. Of course, our tastes in men probably differ.

How can you be bisexual yet inexperienced? I could fuck or love any woman easily. It’s something I just know.

Why do you seem to be disappointed with squirting?
While fun and taboo and all, I don’t orgasm with it, Plus, it’s become so easy that even rather crappy toys can cause me to ejaculate.

Do you think Bad Company makes sex music?
Yes. Also Maroon 5. Very different, I know.

What makes you feel sexy?
The way my husband looks at and treats me but music sometimes gives me a sexual confidence that I don’t really take into the bedroom. It’s odd but I kind of feel silly about the way some songs make me dance or sing around with my hips all swinging.

Do you think that having sex with your husband right now is complicating things?
Yes. But right now I don’t care. I know I will regret it if we get divorced but I am still fucking him.

What sort of household items did you pervert?
I used to hump my Ken doll. (Sorry Mattel). I’ve broken a taper candle with my vagina muscles and I tried using my Venus razor handle but none of them were as awesome as my first vibrator.

Do you like ponies?
Of course, and so do you.

What sort of porn do you like?
I am not sure. I haven’t found any full length porn that I really enjoy. I do know that I like to watch girl on girl action and I enjoy it much more if it looks real, like the actors are really getting off and not just performing for the camera.

So are you dominant or submissive?
Who the fuck knows. Maybe I’m a switch but I have come to appreciate some submissive tendencies and playing with them really intrigues me. Still, power is thrilling as well.

Have any more questions? Ask them in comments and I’ll add them. For now I am dead tired and heading to bed!

6 Comments


EdenFantasys Affiliate Program

January 22nd, 2010

When I wrote this, I wasn’t aware of how shitty EF is as a company. Please consider these alternatives, instead.

The affiliate program at EdenFantasys is one which I am perhaps most familiar with so it shall be my first review. EdenFantasys uses a proprietary setup, not commercial software (as far as I can tell) which blends seamlessly with the rest of the control panel. Upon first registering, I was able to enter the affiliate code of another affiliate which I did (I just picked one from RetailMeNot – you’re welcome!).

The program at EF allows affiliates to earn commissions in several manners.

Partner Online
Users can grab content from any page and save it to their “desktop.” Product images, descriptions and titles are saved to the desktop for use in HTML or Flash widgets which affiliates can display on their websites. These widgets can serve as a “recently reviewed” list or as product comparisons, among other things.Alternatively, users can convert URLS, including products, reviews, forum threads, searches and more, by adding it to the “My URL” list. The URLs remain saved for future reference and I frequently use it to save intricate URLs which I frequently post. However, almost any page can be turned into an affiliate link by adding #pcode-yourpartnercode to the end of the URL. Few pages on EdenFantasys need special treatment. Search filters do require special treatment; thus I use the My URL tool.

Edenfantasys also provides nearly 250 different banners which affiliates can use with their Partner Online links to attract potential customers.

When a customer makes an order having click a Partner Online link, the affiliate earns 20% commissions (after discounts).

Partner Flyer
EdenFantasys provides printed flyers free of charge to affiliates. These flyers help affiliates spread the word to potential customers and advertise the 15% discount. Each affiliate has a partner code which can be entered an unlimited amount of times. This code is not unique to the actual customer so affiliates can spread the word of their partner codes via e-mail, blog or word of mouth as well.If a customer were to use both the link and partner code, the code would override the link providing a 15% discount to the customer and 5% commissions to the affiliate.

My Partners
Like other affiliate programs, users can earn commissions by recruiting others beneath them. Affiliates will earn 3% commissions on orders from new affiliates who sign up under them.

As I mentioned, the affiliate control panel is merged with the overall account options at EdenFantasys; however, when one signs up as a contributor, one is not automatically signed up as an affiliate. When viewing one’s account, there is a link for “Affiliate Program” and clicking it brings up all the options to use widgets, banners and URLs as well as the options to invite new partners, order flyers and view reports.

The reports contain a lot of information which can be difficult to take in at once. I usually just glance at the main reports which give a summary of traffic, orders, sales, estimated commissions and earnings so far. It’s easy to navigate to specific pages if an affiliate wants to track incoming links. For example I can click to see where my 92 incoming links originate. Most of my incoming links are from this blog (logically), Twitter and Google. Affiliates can adjust these statistics for a different time period. The default period is the current, open period. Additionally, affiliates can view orders/sales by program: partner online, partner flyer or my partners.

There are two pages within the reports section which cannot be accessed through the Main reports page – problem orders and payment history. Problem orders are orders which have been returned/refunded, thus the affiliates does not earn commissions. The payment history shows commissions earned for closed period, payments and remaining balances. Earnings are ‘stored’ in the partner account and can applied to orders on EdenFantasys via checkout. When used in such a manner, these orders show up as payments. Additionally, payment by check or Paypal will also be listed here.

Affiliates can choose to be paid in a variety of methods on the Registration for Payments page (Affiliates can also edit payee name, tax ID and address). Unlike other pages in the control panel, the link is the last under the “Settings” navigation and cannot be found with the affiliate program links. American affiliates can choose check or Paypal payout after reaching a $50 minimum. There are a few restrictions for international affiliates, however. Payments by check or wire transfer must meet a $200 minimum and wire transfers costs $15. International affiliates can select Paypal as an option to receive payments of $50 or more.

It’s important to note that earned commissions are not eligible for redemption until after the period has closed (the end of the month) and a month long cooling off period (in the event that an order is returned) has passed. Thus, an order placed on December 17th should become eligible for payout/redemption at the beginning of February.

Edenfantasys has one of the most comprehensive and easy to use affiliates programs, in my opinion. I rarely need to use the URL maker because it’s easy to add my partner code. Furthermore, I like being to link almost any page on the site, not just specific products and while I do not use all the tools provided (like widgets), the numerous banners allow options for all sorts of affiliates. Originally, I was confused by the payment process (and if you look on the forums, I was not the only one) but have come to understand it. Additionally, questions can be asked on the forums (where other affiliates can respond) or e-mailed. The different tools allow affiliates to attract new customers and affiliates . However, all the options can be a bit overwhelming and do take some time to get use to.

There is not much I would change about the affiliate program at EdenFantasys. It allows me to do things that other programs do not and has been the most profitable affiliate program I have joined. Although, there is way to reproduce the contributor widget I have on my sidebar in the control panel and it would be nice to change or at least see the referrer partner code. If you are already a contributor (or even if you are not), I would suggest you at least check it out. If you do join, my partner code is 9br.

3 Comments


Ina Garden of Eden

January 5th, 2010

In my never-ending search for the perfect rabbit vibe, I’ve amassed a small fortune of devices. Yet, none are perfect; my search continues. What better reason to desire Ina by Lelo? Oh, I didn’t at first but the reviews came out and squelched my criticisms with ease. Be mine, Ina.

2 Comments


I’m Over Here

December 23rd, 2009

I’ve been a little slow with reviews lately. Mostly I’m just lazy. But you can also find my writing over at EdenCafe. Some of my recent posts include:

Okay, so some of them aren’t exactly “recent” per se. I’m just a slacker in all things but it’s great to have been writing different kinds of posts on EdenCafe and the gift cards aren’t half bad either. As I understand it, Carrie Ann is always looking for more writers so drop her a line if you’re interested!

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Does Your Affiliate Program Suck?

December 8th, 2009

Hi, my name’s Adriana. Welcome to my website! Today I am here to talk to you about affiliate programs, specifically adult affiliate programs through sex toy shops (Adam and Eve, Babeland, Good Vibes et cetera), manufacturers with online shops (Liberator, For Your Nymphomation) and specialty shops (BDSM Gear, Stockroom, Xtreme Restraints). Now, I have not run any of these programs myself but I have used enough of them as an affiliate to know what makes one stand out amongst all the others. Some are good enough that I go out of my way to use affiliate links and others are such a hassle that I will risk the loss of commissions simply because it’s not worth it. You don’t want to be one of the latter because, although sales will continue even if your affiliates aren’t enthusiastic or if you have no affiliate program at all, we are all well aware of how powerful word of mouth can be. After all, isn’t that really why so many shops offer toys to us reviewers? Like it or not, your affiliate program is in direct competition with other programs, as well as your shop.

So what can you do to ensure that your affiliate program doesn’t suck?

KISS (Keep it simple, stupid!)

This acronym should be the basis of nearly all operations. Your affiliate program should be simple (read easy and efficient) to sign up, sign in, create links, get banners, view reports and recruit others. Ideally, links for signing up or in to the affiliate program will be easy to find even amongst the rest of your navigation. Everything within the control panel should be only a click or two away and your links should be simple and to the point. No need to reinvent the wheel here. Creativity is something you can do with the rest of your product/store. While allowing an affiliate to add a link by manually adjusting an URL is a good option, I am personally fond of Babeland’s link creator tool which simply requires me to input the page/product link and my affiliate code. EdenFantasys allows affiliates to link from any page by clicking a button on the page. On the other hand, I know more than one affiliate programs makes it difficult just to link to the store front without a banner.

But not overly simple.

And by this, I mean that users of such programs expect certain things and when we see a program that is incredibly limited in functionality or potentially design (you know, basic things like “Home” links, a page for banners and links or being able to edit account information), we may form some ideas. Like that you don’t value your affiliates or that your program was simply an afterthought. And if you don’t care to put any thought into it, why should we? If I can’t even view reports about how much I’ve made (let along click throughs or display counts), what good is your program to me? Or to you? Babeland’s affiliate control panel is simple yet effective (now if only I could link to it with my affiliate code!)

Let me spell this out: Do not put every single banner on a single page. That is effing ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is if you somehow try to include all your affiliate content on a single page. What are you thinking crazy people? And while I’m add it, don’t you think it’s polite to at least let us log into something?
All together now.

To put it plainly, keep your affiliate content together. There are numerous sites who have a control panel for their affiliate program yet still display the same content elsewhere. Sometimes it’s even different content so, as an affiliate, I am forced to check multiple sources to ensure I know about latest banners et cetera or to fully utilize the program. I’ve had affiliate programs e-mail me information that isn’t even available via the control panel. Because I am going to save your message forever and ever and always make sure I have access to it just to snag a banner? Um, no. Adam and Eve’s affiliate program has everything (and the kitchen sink) in one place.

Be Flexible

At least a little bit. Allowing your users to customize online stores, specify payment methods and amount, choose to link certain pages or pick from a few different banner options allows us to use your affiliate program in the way that is most beneficial. Not all affiliates are the same, nor should they be. Variety is the spice of life and helps to direct different potential customers to different areas of your site for different reasons. Most of the affiliate programs I use allow me to link different pages but a few only give me some options, leaving me out in the cold if I want to link to anything else. Although not all affiliate programs offer hosted stores like SexToy.com, their program allows much customization as well as several payment options and the ability to change the affiliate code which is a plus!

Be Open to Suggestion.

Because not everyone or everything is perfect. We all know how disappointing it is to roll out a new idea only to face criticism from every direction but taking that criticism in stride and using it to improve your program instead of denying that anything could possibly be wrong with it. Ever. It shows that you care what we think and that you want to be the best that you can be. It shows you care about a little bit more than the bottom line and it makes us want to continue to bring business to your store. I’m the type of person who makes suggestions. I see what’s wrong before what’s right but it’s usually not because I want to dash your dreams and stomp all over your efforts. It’s usually because I want to help and I appreciate when you appreciate the fact that I care. The folks at Babeland have personally and positively responded to my requests for more banners.

Reward Us.

Okay, you don’t have to but you’ll get bonus points if you allow us to have referrals (and include snazzy referral banners) to increase our commissions. This also helps us to spread the word that, yes, your affiliate program is worthwhile and trustworthy. It’s really a win-win situation. I definitely urge other webmasters to join programs like Stockroom.com which allow me to make 5$ of my referrals’ commissions.

Last but not least.

Make Sure it Works, People.

Seriously. I once signed up for a program which confirmed my application and said I needed administrative approval (but gave me no idea who was the admin). More than a week later, I still was not approved nor could I use my affiliated account but, when I contacted them, I was told everything works fine and given no alternative solution to my issue. No offer of what could have happened. Hell, they practically suggested I hadn’t even signed up (and this goes back to being open to suggestion). Sure, I could keep signing up (if the system would even let me), until something went through but you know what I actually did? I said “See ya” because if you can’t be bothered to make sure your program even works, then I can’t be bothered to send customers your way. That’s how that works.

I know my demands may seem high but, the truth is, most of the details are well covered if you take the time to invest in quality affiliate software. The programs in which I participate seem to be pretty equally split between commercial and proprietary software; although proprietary software may work well within a site, most commercial software works just as well. It’s not a requirement that your team creates software from the ground up. Sometimes out of the box is just as good (and perhaps easier, more cost efficient and better documented). Interestingly enough, only 2 of the programs I use which are obviously using commercial software are using the same product. There are certainly enough options out there for everyone.

And that, my friends, is how you prevent your affiliate program from sucking.

P.S.

Since originally writing this article, I realize that I ommitted something damned important:

Communication.

I don’t need a phone call in the middle of the night when something goes out of stock. No, I am talking about keeping affiliates up to date when there are major changes. Redoing the entire system and we need to sign up again? That is precisely the sort of thing you ought to tell us. Adam and Eve just redid their affiliate program, actually; and sent out several e-mails detailing the changes. (You’ve only been seeing broken links because I forgot to update them, my bad!). But another program redid things (and, really, the updates are awesome) but i received no contact and all of a sudden, my blog was riddled with broken links.

Affiliation is all about links and banners and doing something which drastically alters the way those links or banners opperate requires communication. Sometimes URLs are changed, products are dropped (or are seasonal) or the entire server setup is changed. It’s inevitable and many of these changes are good. But what do you expect us to do with those existing links? Is there someplace else we should direct visitors? Do you even care about SEO or exposure? A simple e-mail can mean the difference between someone who continues to direct customers your way or someone who says “You know what? You don’t want to shop there. They don’t know how to treat people.”

9 Comments


Thank You

November 21st, 2009

A few months ago – and it does seem longer than that – I was blogging about the frustrations of, well, blogging. I was burned out and bummed out and entirely unsure of whether or not I would continue with this whole sex blog thing. A few of you commented and I felt a bit better and then I went back to life as usual which, at the time, included looking forward to yet another anniversary without my husband. Thank you deployment.

In the months since then, I feel like things have turned around. I kept working with some pretty awesome sex toy stores who have provided me with countless products to test (many of which I have bashed on this here blog). I am posting this because I just checked my website stats and my daily unique visitor count has crossed 600. I don’t know when I passed 500 but it’s great to see the continuous rise.

And I guess you like reading those scathing comments and ridiculous praises (sometimes) because I was named number 16 on the Top Sex Bloggers of 2009. I hadn’t even realized, deleted the e-mail when I got it because I figure I got maybe one nomination and no one would even put me on the list but to be 16? Number sixteen? Sweet sixteen? I would never have known, had I not been peeking over at Insatiable Desire to see what Cinnamon is up to and see the post about them being listed. I’m sure I looked like a total bitch because I didn’t reply. But now I did click, I did see, I did reply. My jaw did drop, of course.

Thank you, to whoever nominated me and to the judges. I am listed with and even above some amazing people and awesome writers and I’m grateful to even be on the list, let alone so high.

But that’s not all. I was recently accepted as a Sexpert in California Exotic’s new review program and have been contacted directly by other companies to do some reviews. In fact, I received a comment directly from Nomi Tang herself on my Better Than Chocolate review. Wow. Just wow. So thank you to all the manufacturers who appreciate my honesty, whether tactful or not!

I am not a humble person. I am all too guilty of being quite ego centric. I am always right, damn it. The world ought to revolve around me. But I know when it’s time to say thank you. So, thank you! (Perhaps this is the perfect prelude to Thanksgiving.)

And as much as I appreciate the visitors and their comments, the opportunities provided to me by stores and manufacturers who send me product in return for my opinions, there is something which means so much more. Although he may not really be into sex toys, my husband is always supportive and as excited as I am when I tell him my most recent “good news” – sometimes more so. Whether it’s numbers or new opportunities, he is just awesome about appreciating what it means to me. In fact, when I told him about making the best sex bloggers list, he asked me when I found out. When he realized I’d known for almost a day, he demanded to know why I didn’t tell him sooner.

But, really, what I should have told him sooner is “Thank You.”

5 Comments


The Truth About Santa

November 4th, 2009

Is that he is Babeland. Now you know! And Santa, I mean Babeland, is having a holiday contest where lucky folks can win all the items listed in their Objects of Desire page.

Dear Babeland,

The object I most desire and would love this Christmas is the Form 6. I have lusted over it for, literally, years but it’s just a bit out of my price range. Everyone seems to love it so and I’m sure I would, too, given the chance. I have yet to own a sleek, rechargeable toy and the Form 6 is definitely one of the sleekest! I know we’d enjoy eachother for years to come.

I’d like to think I’ve been quite nice this year, too! I’ve given my husband many-a massage and even got him his first masturbator, too. I waited (suffered?) patiently (well, sort of) during his deployment and we missed out on most of our important dates (my birthday, Valentine’s Day and our anniversaries). The Form 6 would be an amazing gift for one of the few holidays we will be able to spend together this year!

Hopefully,

Adriana

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