Lately, I suppose I’ve been using up all my wit on cute, geeky boys. I want to be witty here as I tell you about my experiences on dating websites. I’ve made some funny stories and experienced some disappointment and, even though I have a specific topic in mind for this post, I have no idea how I want to start. Regardless, there is a trend I have noticed when browsing online dating profiles. People like to say this
I am outside the norm.
or maybe
If you want something not so normal.
I think you see where I’m going with this. These people are advertising that there is something about themselves they they–and likely society at large–would describe as different. This may have worked against them in terms of past relationship and dating experiences. At least, that’s the feel I get when I read these profiles. I sometimes get a clue that this is a really interesting person, one whom I’d like to get to know better and, if that’s the case, I usually do instigate some sort of correspondence. After all, some would argue that I, too, am a little outside the norm and perhaps some people are just better appreciated by kindred souls.
That’s all well and good, whatever.
What isn’t well and good is when the guise of “outside the norm” reveals something quite undesirable in a potential mate. Like the fact that this person does not believe in using periods when typing. Or showering. Or that this person is a murderer or likes to “see girls cry” (I kid you not! This was in someone’s profile and included absolutely zero context!).
I suppose it could be semantics? I mean, what is normal? What is a little outside the norm? What qualifies as bat-shit fucking crazy anyway? And who is this crazy, sex blog geek, cat-obsessed girl to judge?
The definition of “normal” that I use at any given time is something that is relatively recognizable as in line with the American dream. Growing up, starting a family, working, contributing to society. There are many ways you can personalize this to your slightly-outside-the-norm preferences and still fall somewhere around the box–at least to most outsiders. Not that you should have to but that’s sort of what I’m looking for and probably along the lines of what others who are using dating sites may have in mind, too.
But the thing about making a profile is, you’re supposed to sell yourself and if language and grammar aren’t your forte, you better open a dictionary and learn how to use spaces between your sentences. Seriously. Coming off as someone who is confusing, inconsistent or creepy may help you find your true love or scare off a bunch of potential mates.
After communicating with some of the undesirable, not-normal fellows, I have really come to appreciate how it is that people use those types of terms to describe themselves. Some people really are worth the time and others, unfortunately, use code words to hide the ugly truth. It’s like all that MySpace picture chart or any blog post that defines what certain key words mean in communication. And perhaps that is simply one of the drawbacks of searching for my next potential relationship. There’s a lot of crap to wade through before, hopefully, I find something worth my time.
