This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.
Sometimes, toys make it to the shelf with such a design flaw that I really have to wonder, “What were they thinking?” Such is the case with the My Mini-Miracle Massager Pleasure Kit. I was perplexed as soon as I opened the box but, you see, the description is kind of misleading. According to the website, “This complete kit contains 2 soft pliable attachments with the world famous Mini Miracle Massager.” So you would expect to receive a Mini Miracle Massager with some attachments and that, that I can live with. I would expect not to love every attachment but have a functional massager, nevertheless.
Wrong.
The problem is that it’s not a Mini Miracle Massager with some attachments (although, that already exists). It’s a model based on the Mini Miracle Massager, but there’s a permanent fixture on the head onto which you place attachments. The attachments are not part of a cup that goes over the head; rather, they both have a little hole that slides onto an awkwardly placed knob on the side of the wand. Perhaps it wouldn’t seem so awkward if you only used the pleasure kit for vaginal/internal stimulation because then you can aim the extension up and hold the handle perpendicular to your body. Unfortunately, I think of this type of toy as clitoral by default –and the tongue-shaped attachment certainly supports my conclusion — so I don’t want to do that.
I tried anyway. I put the little nubby attachment on first after giving it a good scrubbing. From the side, it looks like a character with a cartoonishly large nose. While the TPE attachments may be Phthalate-free, they freaking stink. I mean, pew! As suspected, the placement was awkward, and the shape was less than ideal for clitoral stimulation. I didn’t get off.
I had even less success with the tongue shape. I couldn’t figure out what I was supposed to do with it. The most comfortable way to hold it implies internal stimulation, but I don’t like tongue-shapes inside of me. To align the tongue with my clit, I’d either have to point the end of the handle between my knees or down toward my abdomen, so that was a no-go either.
I’d like to say the massager itself was redeemed, but it’s not because you can’t use it by itself. There’s a sticky-offy knobby thing that not only gets in the way but feels pretty unhygienic, too. The knob itself is unfinished, so water can get into it. The same is true for the extensions. You have a little less room to get in there and dry things off when you clean it, which I don’t like.
California Exotics has kept the same springy head and easy to use controls as the regular Miracle Massager, which I still love. There’s two speeds and an off. Unfortunately, this toy is pretty loud and not discreet at all. The vibrations are quite strong but not as deep as the Miracle Massager.
I’m not a fan of the detachable cord because it’s easy to mix it up with something else. If I can remove a cord, the toy should be rechargeable, which this isn’t. I don’t understand the point. This one is pretty long — upwards of three feet — but the adapter itself is overly large, clunky and annoying.
Annoying just about sums up the My Mini-Miracle Massager Pleasure Kit. Just buy your Mini Miracle Massager and attachments separately.
This toy looks curious indeed. I or one wouldnt buy it. But that’s just me. I wonder what the designers were thinking… Nice review!