Revolting Prostitutes: The Fight For Sex Workers Rights

June 6th, 2019

Not two days ago I had an elegant summary for Revolting Prostitutes bouncing around my head. It was the perfect segue into a review, and I’ve gone and lost it. That’s what I get, I suppose, for waiting to write it down. And I really waited far too long to even start writing this review because my memory is not hazy. Good thing Revolting Prostitutes leaves an impact.

Just what impact is it?

This book makes the argument that sex workers’ rights are women’ rights are sex workers’ rights and human rights by extension, and because of this should not be excluded as feminists or members of society. Juno Mac and Molly Smith do this by taking a hard look at the reality of sex work: why people do it, how it can be done safely, whether it’s feminist, how sex work and sex trafficking differ, and how society can protect some of its most at-risk members. Mac and Smith examine laws about sex work around the world to make their ultimate argument that in a world where some people must resort to sex work to make money, decriminalizing and not legalizing sex work is the only way to protect those people. Furthermore, they illustrate how pivotal sex workers have been when it comes to the fight for women’s rights and why excluding them from feminist arguments is not just unethical but grossly ignorant.

Revolting Prostitutes takes us through Nevada where just a few brothels operate legally toward Sweden where it examines the Scandinavian model of criminalization to the UK and, finally, to New Zealand. It is here where sex work has been decriminalized, and sex workers have a voice when it comes to laws that would affect them.

The feminism promoted in Revolting Prostitutes is not white feminism. Even though the authors admit to their own privilege (being cisgender, white and middle class), they examine the issues surrounding sex workers, many of whom are working class or people of color, through and intersectional lens. Among the topics addressed in these pages is immigration, which makes Revolting Prostitutes seem especially timely to this American.

Aside from teaching the reader what they don’t know about sex work, the authors smash longheld myths about sex work, including the idea that legalization is the best route. I once viewed sex work similar to marijuana and fell into the camp of “legalize sex work so it can be taxed.” But this book thoughtfully points out that legalization offers no protections for sex workers when one of the main dangers they face is from the police. In a world where that wasn’t the case, they argue, legalization may be an option. But for now, it remains out of reach.

It is far from the only myth torn apart in these pages. While so many people who argue for sex worker’s rights paint the picture of the “Happy Hooker,” you will not see that imagery in Revolting Prostitutes. This book is more frank than that. The authors would not paint with such broad strokes. Instead, they write honestly about how sex is neither good nor bad by definition, and neither is sex work or people, for that matter. These things can be positive or negative, health or otherwise. And when it comes to people, they are people who deserve our care faults and all. This is why the authors write candidly about the damage done to sex workers by so-called carceral feminists who want brothels shut down, and sex workers deported even if doing so will result in the greater abuse and potentially death of those sex workers.

When disproving these ideologies, Juno and Moll never take the easy way out by simply claiming them false. time after time they are prepared to say it’s more complicated than that and explain why. For example, when they touch on whether sex work is a bad thing because some sex works do not enjoy their jobs or because sex workers sell their bodies, the authors are quick to point out that there are many grueling jobs that do not bring joy to those who perform them. Those workers simply need the money. They trade their time and, yes, their bodies, to jobs that take a toll day in and day out. Revolting Prostitutes breaks down the issues one by one into palatable bites like that, and more.

Those people who have a strict anti-sex work stance would likely not enjoy or agree with Revolting Prostitutes. I’d hope that some people who are on the fence or who have not thought deeply about these issues might find themselves swayed by the book, however. Furthermore, the authors are clearly proponents of socialized elements of society. In this way, Revolting Prostitutes look as society as a whole using sex workers as a litmus test. A society that lacks support will surely fail this marginalized group of people. Readers who disagree with a government supporting its people through socialized healthcare and similar programs will surely balk at statements within the pages.

As for me, I am neither of those types of people. I found the arguments thoughtful and eye-opening. With the words they’ve written, Mac and Smith do an excellent job bringing sex workers, and they work they do from the other. They humanize people that are all too often written off, ignored, and otherwise erased. I am all too happy to recommend Revolting Prostitutes as long as society overlooks sex workers. I am angered that this book needs to exist but glad that it does. I hope that people and governments can learn from words like these and the people who are willing to write and speak them. Perhaps reality could be not quite so harsh for sex workers and women as a whole.

Until then, I can only lend my support to the revolt.

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May 2019 Media Recommendations

May 28th, 2019

I’ve got lots of suggestions this month, so I’ll jump right into them.

Listen

Several podcasts touched on abortion in recent episodes. This includes Science Vs, which took a different stance with their episode called The Abortion Underground, in which host Wendy interviews women who required abortions when they were illegal and absolutely terrifying as well as women who provided abortion services. I wasn’t very familiar with how this worked, and this episode was eye-opening and timely.

Sunny Megatron also tackles the topic with a focus on how criminalizing abortion disproportionately affects marginalized groups such as people of color and those who are impoverished on American Sex.

A previous episode of Science Vs looks into the fertility cliff, whether it’s real, and why so many people

Outward hosts talked about sex ed this month. They discuss how many LGBTQ+ issues should be included in sex ed (and whether sex ed should just take that slant to begin with because straight people have so much to learn), how porn fails as sex ed, and why everyone should use lube.

My final recommendation is another Slate podcast: The Waves. Introducing Hi-Phi Nation: For Women Only is a brief history of trans women as feminist activists, the TERFs who exclude them, and how events in the 70s affect us all today.

Lovehoney also has a new podcast that you can give a listen.

Read

I’ve got to catch up on my reviews, including two book reviews. In Turned On: Science, Sex and Robots, Kate Devlin really breaks down the state of sex robots, who uses them, and the implications for human and does it all with a side of British humor. One of my favorite books all year!

Watch

I wasn’t previously familiar with Philosophy Tube before this video about sex work came across my screen. It seems like a lot of the topics covered were also addressed in the book Revolting Prostitutes (yes, a review is still coming!) including decriminalizing, marginalized people, and various models the world over, among others. I haven’t watched every second of the video, but it seems like a good intro if you can’t dedicate yourself to an entire book and especially if you listen to it on double time.

Terri Conley discusses myths about sex and specifically casual sex in her TEDx talk at U of M. She draws from her research that flips much of what we believe about sex and a person based on their sexual preferences and activities on its head.

Let me know what you thought of anything on this list or if you have suggestions for me!

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Fun Factory Laya II – Revamped

May 17th, 2019

Laya II
$99.99 from GoodVibes

Betrayal.

There is no other word to describe how I felt after trying the Laya II Black Line.

The shape was similar and the material was upgraded, but the motor was disappointing. Devastatingly so.

While the original Laya Spot wasn’t the most powerful, its medium vibrations were dependable. Deep enough to do the job consistently. The Laya II presented me with high-pitched vibrations that were ineffective.

So I was happy to hear that Fun Factory was doing something about it; although, I almost missed the announcement. I heard it first when Epiphora blogged about the new model and how they it was more acceptable than the last. I also emailed the company to ask about the changes and received the response that they were 30% stronger.

What’s the difference?

For a while, you could find both the Black Line and newer Laya IIs. You still may be able to, which could lead to confusion. The new ones are colorful (purple, pink, or blue) unlike the Black Line, which is black as the name suggests.

Both styles are rechargeable via Fun Factory’s magnetic chargers whereas the very first Laya Spot was powered by 2 AAAs. hard to believe I was such a fan, eh?

Regardless of color, the Laya IIs are the same size and shape, which is a bit difficult to measure. However, they’re not exactly the same as the original. It’s close, to be sure, but Fun Factory states they’ve “tweaked the shape to make it hug your body even better.” The newer Layas are a bit longer, for one. They’re heavier, too, because of the internal motor, and the valley on top where I would have rested my finger isn’t as defined. As you can see in my photo, the original Laya Spot (green and pink) is flatter along the bottom sides while the new ones are rounder.

These things aren’t necessarily bad. The differences aren’t that noticeable aside from the buttons. The three buttons on Laya II are closer to the end of the toy… exactly where I want to press down to achieve pressure. The original only needed space for two buttons so I could place my fingers there. Furthermore, the bubbly buttons of the Laya II are incredibly easy to find and press, perhaps too easy. I would prefer something between the recessed buttons of the original and Fun Factory’s current buttons.

Other than that, you might assume the toys are the same shape if you’re only viewing images online or not staring intently at them in person. Regardless, any Laya is much taller than similar clitoral stimulators — the Lilys and Siris of the world. And the “nose” of the toy is always what’s worked for me. It can penetrate thick labial folds with ease.

It’s firm enough for pressure (but less firm than the original, which was made mostly of hard plastic while the newer versions are coated in a softer silicone), and the bent shape of the Laya Spot sits more comfortably in my hand. It doesn’t leave my hand as cramped as smaller toys, something that’s increasingly become a concern as my pain progresses.

The shape was always my favorite aspect of this toy, and it still delivers. There were times when I’d used my original Laya to achieve pressure without any vibrations at all. I’ll get back to that.

But what about the new Laya II? Compared to the Black Line, the vibrations are noticeably stronger and deeper. It’s not the rumbliest or strongest clitoral vibrator. If you need Hitachi-level vibes, then you should pass on this. The Laya II is absolutely weaker and buzzier than FF’s full-size toys, too, so keep that in mind. Still, it’s an improvement. It’s workable. No, better.

Those vibrations can get me off; although, I usually just skip to the highest steady setting. The new Laya II isn’t as frustrating as the Black Line. Perhaps the biggest sign is that even when the vibrator died, I continued to use the shape to get off.

The Laya II has become a toy that I actually crave using, at least every once in a while. That doesn’t happen much anymore.

It gives me hope because I’ve gone through two original Laya Spots and don’t have one that still works. At least I have something to fall back on that I won’t hate. I call this a win.

I am not quite as much a proponent of the Laya II, partly because there are many more quality clitoral vibes out there, including the Mimi Soft with its deep vibrations. This wasn’t the case over a decade ago when the Laya Spot was one of few. So while I am glad that Fun Factory has updated my favorite clitoral vibe so that I can use it for a few more years and another generation of users can discover it, I know it’s not for everyone. And that’s okay.

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10 Wallet-Friendly Alternatives to the Liberator Throe

April 30th, 2019

It’s no secret that many of us enjoy our Liberator Throes. Using them provides us with peace of mind that allows us to truly let go when having sex. While I’m one of many people who has been quick to recommend these products, it’s also no secret that a Throe is hard on the wallet. They’re a hassle to clean, a little crinkly, and the company has had dubious practices with affiliates in the past. Plus, Liberator Throes don’t really absorb the mess. It just sits on top of the blanket.

So if you’re looking for a product that’s more affordable or easier to wash or simply cannot support the company, you’ve got options! You might not need these options if your messes are small and easily taken care of with a few towels, but for those who towels aren’t good enough, keep reading.

Waterproof Blankets

THROWS OF PASSION Waterproof Pleasure Blanket

Several companies make similar blankets including this one by Throws of Passion

Several other companies make waterproof blankets, some specifically for sex and others that are general purpose. Because they’re larger and designed to be prettier and more comfortable than some of the other products on this list, waterproof blankets tend to cost more than other options (this isn’t always the case!). However, you’ve got more choices when it comes to size, material (fleece, velvet, etc.) and colors. These options definitely feel

I’ll take a moment to mention the Avana Waterproof Throw, which comes in the same colors as the Throe. In fact, the description uses some of the same photos and size labels, so it could be an off-label Liberator. However, users say it’s less crinkly than a Throe. It’s a toss-up but markedly cheaper than a Throe if you like the style.

Many of these options simply popped up when I searched Amazon for a waterproof blanket. I stuck to those that had positive reviews and material, size, or color options. There are plenty more alternatives, however, if you search for a waterproof or picnic/stadium/pet blanket. Bonus: outdoor blankets often come with a carrying case of some sort.

Mattress Protectors

Matress protectors are basically plastic that slip over your mattress, so you need to be sure to buy one that’s the same size as your mattress and deep enough, too. Some are quilted for extra softness. Mattress protetors are not my personal favorite because they don’t protect your sheets, so you’ll still have to wash those. This seemsless useful for frequent sex. But you might enjoy them if you’re also looking to keep your mattress pristine but sweat, period blood, etc.

Here’s an affordable one from Amazon, but you can purchase them in many big box and home good stores.

pee pad

Puppy pee pads aren’t pretty, but they get the job done

Waterproof Pads

Waterproof pads protect a targeted area on your sheets and mattress. The smaller size is easier to wash, dry and store, and they often come in 2-packs. They’re sold as puppy pee pads, incontinence pads, and bedwetting pads for kids. You can easily buy them for less than $20 if you’re willing to sacrifice the larger size and aesthetic options.

Although I’ve only listed washable types, you can purchase single-use pee pads that might be convenient if you don’t have access to a washing machine or room to transport a whole pad/blanket. You can buy a whole bunch of them for very little money.

The cheapest options might not seem as luxurious as a Throe but they may be more inconspicuous and can even come in handy if you do have children or pets.

Bonus: a latex sheet like the type you’ll find in kinky stores lies over the top of your bed. It can be kinky, although it won’t absorb any liquids. Be careful around the edges!

This post contains some affiliate links.

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April 2019 Media Recommendations

April 26th, 2019

April is almost over, so I better get this posted. This month’s list of recommendations is longer than I realized. Each month, I listen to podcasts, watch videos and read a bit. If something is especially poignant, I might think that I should jot that down somewhere to recommend to you all, but I often forget. As I went through my history, I realized how much good stuff I enjoyed in April. I hope you enjoy some of it, too!

Listen

Feminist podcast The Waves discussed the current state of sex education in the U.S and whether schools is where people should get all their sex ed.

I think I’ve listened to Speaking of Sex before, but I recently came across it again and quickly consumed three or four episodes. They’re in the middle of a series about stress and sex that include an episode with Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are, who has a new book about burning out.

In the most recent episode of Science Vs, Wendy discusses whether the fertility cliff for women is real, if men might experience one as well, and what in the world is happening with sperm.

I wouldn’t have started listening to Outward if it wasn’t broadcast on The Waves channel, but I find that I enjoy it. In a recent episode about the gay scene, the hosts discuss how the scene looks different in various locales. While that was interesting, I especially enjoyed the segment with Shirley Chan about bi culture — what is it, does it exist, and how does it look? Examining bi culture and identities also hits home for me. It’s been difficult for me to identify with the larger queer community when parts of hetero culture still apply to me. Plus, they discuss democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg and whether his being gay should matter to votes when it doesn’t seem to matter to him. 

Watch

It seems as though queer issues and sexuality are gaining more traction in mainstream media, so some of my recommendations this month fall under that purview.

Netflix has a new series called Bonding about a couple of friends who work in a BDSM dungeon. I’m only a few episodes in, and it’s a bit silly but enjoyable.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed Good Girls (NBC) since it debuted. Christina Hendricks and Retta nail it. In a recent episode, one of the characters has come out as trans.

While The Bold Type is sometimes white feminism at its worst, the newest season shows Jane taking charge of her reproductive future by freezing her eggs. She’s currently dating someone, and the show has handled it well. It’s compassionate, real, and touching.

Two therapists discuss consent in BDSM in this short video. Somehow they manage to address what people can learn about how the kink community handles consent, knowing yourself before you can ask what you want, and more in just a few minutes!

Read

I haven’t started a new book about sex since I finished Tongue Tied (check out my review). Still, I enjoyed a few pieces online and parts of other books that touched on sex.

I’ve been reading Human Errors by Nathaniel Lents. The author walks readers through all the quirks of the human body as a result of evolution and sometimes random flukes. Although it’s not all about sex, a chapter that discusses the intricacies of reproduction and fertility are fascinating and timely for this post.

Editor, writer and more Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote a piece called “I Suddenly Stopped Being Kinky and I’m Not Sure Why” for Self last month. It was honest and interesting. This piece complements her interview on Sex Out Loud quite well. In the podcast, Rachel and Tristan discuss when kink is something we do versus who we are.

Let me know what you think of this media. Do you have some recommendations of your own? I feel like there’s a lot of new shows and movies that are queer-oriented that I hear about but then forget. Feel free to let me know if you’ve got a favorite.

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Science of Sex: Male Squirting

April 23rd, 2019

male squirting

As I browsed Reddit a week or so ago, I came across the story of a man who had accidentally urinated in his partner’s mouth when oral sex continued after initial orgasm/ejaculation. Many people in the thread were confused as to how OP didn’t know this was possible. Several commenters revealed that people with penises can experience an ejaculatory orgasm and then experience a pleasurable orgasm-like sensation afterward. However, they’re not ejaculating again.

What is happening then? It appears to be male squirting.

It’s not often that I come across a sexual activity that is new to me. Imagine my surprise to learn there’s an entire subreddit dedicated to it.

A study was able to replicate this transmission to produce “translucent misty fluids with a creatine level similar to that of urine.” The patient experienced muscle contractions as well. Researchers concluded that this was urine being expelled because of the contractions.

Personal stories show that people have been able to squirt this way by rubbing just the head of the penis or via anal stimulation. Although, some people are hesitant because of how sensitive they become after orgasm.

Many people have made the comparison to female squirting, which originates in the bladder but doesn’t appear identical to urine. Both can cause the sensation of needing to pee (this is common when the G-spot is stimulated). There can be similar muscle contractions and fluid is expelled. through the urethra. It’s very dilute, however.

We’ve long been taught that an erection makes it difficult to pee; although, morning wood proves that it’s not impossible. Male squirting seems to be another example.

This is a short recap because there’s only one study from October 2018 that focuses on a single subject. However, the Internet is full of videos stimulating their penises to squirt, and you can see the difference between that and ejaculation, which happens in spurts and not streams.

Knowing that anyone may be capable of achieving an involuntary bladder reflex in response to sexual stimulation might lend more credence to what many women experience when they squirt. At the very least, it can expand how people view sexuality.

Further Reading

Male squirting: Analysis of one case using color Doppler ultrasonography

New insights from one case of female ejaculation.

The Female Prostate Revisited: Perineal Ultrasound and Biochemical Studies of Female Ejaculate

Off Topic: Male Version of Female Ejaculation (Squirting)

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JIL Olivia Vibrator

April 15th, 2019

Did you ever know one of those people whose personality was a sponge? They soaked up those around them. But when you remove that person from a group and get them alone, you find that they’re lacking in personality. They try so hard to please that you’re not sure who they are. Without a person or group to mimic, they’re bland.

Even worse, you wonder if you ever really knew them at all. You feel deceived.

It’s this way with Olivia, which tries to do so many things but never really manages to do any of them well. Perhaps I should know better. Almost every single toy I’ve used that wanted to be versatile has failed me.

Remember the bendable, twistable vibrator? No one would blame you if you didn’t. You might recall how much I disliked the Gvibe 2, which was advertised to work in 8 different ways but really only kinda-sorta achieved one.

I guess it comes down to this: I want my sex toys to do one thing really well.

If I can find some second use for the toy, that’s fantastic. Many internal vibes can work for clitoral stimulation.

Truth be told, I feel the same about most of my devices. I prefer an e-reader to a tablet because it’s set up to do one thing and do it well.

Olivia doesn’t do any one thing that well. The shape and curve of the shaft suggest that G-spot stimulation is ideal, but the thin, flexible neck means you can’t get the pressure you might like or thrust with any intensity.

It also means a lack of pressure when it comes to clitoral stimulation.

This vibrator just feels awkward in my hand, too. The neck is sooo flexible that the head flops around heavily. I always underestimate what companies mean when they advertise something as flexible, but this is also a case of the manufacturer overestimating how much flexibility a person would ever need. It makes the toy feel impossible to control once inserted it. You really can’t get a lot of precision with Olivia because it’ll bend any which way.

But it’s partially my fault, you know? Because I see words like “flexible,” and I think this toy does so much and sign myself right up. I should know better by now. Similarly, I should had realized that deep raspberry pink color was too good to be true. It’s a brighter, more run-of-the-mill pink in person.

I’m also flummoxed at the size of this, especially when compared with how flexible it is. There are plenty of reasons why a person might want a shorter toy or even one with a more narrow shaft, but those all seem negated by the flexibility. My fingers inch up the shaft in an attempt to gain some semblance of control, reducing the insertable length.

Although it doesn’t look like that extreme, it feels like Olivia’s shaft narrows suddenly after the head, so only the head provides much stimulation. The rest is too narrow or perhaps lacking in texture to do much at all. This would be fine if Olivia was a good G-spotter (I find those straight and narrow G-spot wands a bit boring but effective), but it’s not. But toys can have a wider shaft and still effectively hit the G-spot.

In terms of motor, Olivia is buzzier and louder than I’d like. There’s that “hollow” sound that some vibrators make (many Fun Factory toys used to) that suggests there needs to be more insulation around the motor. The wider base means your hand won’t buzz right off, however. Actually, I really enjoy the shape of the base for holding, and the single button is placed well to be used via thumb (it also lights up). I dislike the controls on most insertable vibes.

Aside from the three steady modes, there are a few pulsation and escalation modes. Some of these are terribly buzzy, and a few just seem like buzzier and/or weaker steady vibration modes. I am not sure why they’re included. Were the shape designed for my body, I would be fine with the steady vibes. Olivia wouldn’t be my favorite, but it would get the job done.

There’s probably someone out there who wants a toy that’s super flexible, can be inserted less than 5 inches, has a maximum diameter of under 1 1/2 inches, and provides middle-of-the-road vibrations. It’s not me, though. Olivia just fails at being enough for me. It’s not long enough, strong enough, firm enough, wide enough.

If I didn’t have to write about Olivia, I’d likely shove it in the back of a drawer and forget all about it. And that’s no vote of confidence.

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