Time and Time Again

October 24th, 2009

I have problems with time. I don’t always prioritize it right and I’m horrible at guessing just how much time something will take. I frequently make informal schedules in my mind, a checklist of things to do today and the next thing I know, it’s tomorrow and I didn’t achieve half of those things because I let time get away. What’s even worse is that, instead of stopping and shelving those projects for another day I simply stay up until they’re all completed; this is why I have absolutely no routine whatsoever. I push myself until I’m so dead tired I cannot accomplish anything more then need to sleep half a day away to fix the effects of it.

Needless to say, sex doesn’t fit into my non-schedule. Just the other day I was thinking how difficult it is for us to have sex at all when my husband works. It’s a bit better now because he has new hours. His 12 hour days are only 12 hours as opposed to the 14 he used to work. He can stay up a little later, now, instead of coming home with just enough time to watch some TV while he eats, check his e-mail, shower and head to bed once more. Now I have a bit more time to get in the mood but it still doesn’t happen nearly as often as we’d both like. I think we’re down to maybe once a week when I’d like to have sex more like 3 or 4 times a week. In fact, I will sit down and think about how we’re not having sex..

And then I realize I’m sitting at the computer or reading in bed or he’s playing video games or we’ve somehow managed to waste a couple hours fighting and then I know that, no matter how shitty his schedule is, we’re equally at fault for not planning to have sex. I know I need to, I just don’t. It’s hard for me to up and go into the bedroom. Even if I want to, I just don’t get turned on at the drop of a hat and I know it’s frustrating for him ’cause he does. But planning can sometimes make it even harder to get where I need to be mentally, especially because I like sex to be spontaneous. And planning itself is hard when you have such a complete lack of schedule like I do.

I suppose it comes down to this – would I rather have spontaneous sex infrequently or deal with having to plan sex so I can have it as much as I’d like (or at least try)? I’m not even sure.

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Kinklab leather wrist cuffs – black

October 23rd, 2009

Kinklab leather wrist cuffs - black

Kinklab leather wrist cuffs - black
$35.95 from Store.OfSexAndLove.com

I recently reviewed the Kinklab Padded Leather Blindfold. Aside from some minor pinching and slipping, it was a good piece, basic but functional. That’s pretty much how I’d sum up their leather wrist cuffs as well. They arrived in a similar plastic tube, from which I had to pry off the cap and on which is an image of the cuffs in use (but it’s not obscene).

Out of the tube, I saw that these cuffs do not have the common belt buckle style closure, which Kinklab calls “self keeping.” Rather, when you wrap it around your wrist, the bottom layer has a pseudo-D ring that slips through the slit of your choice on the overlapping piece. Then, a thin strip of leather is pulled through that D-ring, over the hole to secure it in place. Given enough space, you could potentially loop the strap through other holes for extra security. It’s not foolproof; if that is your goal, you can slip a padlock or something similar through the ring. On the other side is another ring that can be used to attach the cuffs to restraints or each other.

Of course, no locks or connectors are included. This was easily remedied with a trip to Lowe’s and, eventually, Walmart. It doesn’t mean the cuffs are bad per se, but that would be nice, especially because the staples are not like other D-rings or O-rings I’ve experienced. In fact, they’re not really rings are all but are open and shaped something like the Greek Omega with longer feet. Because of this unique shape, these staples are definitely smaller than I am used to, and some hardware may not fit.

The staples and the leather strap are all fastened with metal rivets which seem quite secure. In fact, these cuffs look pretty unassuming and weren’t quite as pleasing to the eye as I might have liked, but I was surprised at how well they held up while I had my husband restrained. Despite much thrashing and movement, the rivets stayed secure, and the cuffs never came open. However, we played probably just over an hour, and the thin leather straps were definitely coming loose. Eventually, the cuffs would have given way. Still, I’m surprised by how well they did hold without using a lock. Of course, some people would find this design a positive because it can easily be undone by fingers, teeth or even toes.

Over this time, he never complained of any discomfort, either. The edges are blunt, and the leather itself is malleable enough to wear comfortably, but they’re also not buttery soft as I have heard some leather described. The outside is shiny and smooth, while the inside of the cuffs are unfinished but relatively soft. The cuffs fit him well, on the third hole or so, with a bit of room to spare. They are cut to fit a range of 5.5″ to 7″, which is right in the middle, but those with smaller or larger wrists will be out of luck. Kinklab’s black leather wrist cuffs are just not meant to accommodate everyone.

Yet, they even surpassed my husband’s expectations. He expected to have bruises in the morning; however, there were none to be found. I don’t think there were any marks to be found, even immediately after playing, and this definitely eases his mind.

For less than $40, the quality and performance of the Kinklab leather wrist cuffs are absolutely acceptable. I would recommend them to anyone just starting out when it comes to bondage or anyone who finds themselves needing a bit more than the “kinky kits” usually contain. I would eventually like to make more of an investment, but, for now, these are great.

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Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Pjur “Med-Clean” Spray

October 20th, 2009

Pjur "Med-Clean" Spray

Pjur "Med-Clean" Spray
$14.40 from SheVibe

When I first heard of Pjur’s medical-grade toy cleaner, I was intrigued. I’d heard of Pjur’s other products but had never really wanted to try them. What can I say? I’m a simple girl with simple lube needs. But a toy cleaner that could hold its own in a sterile setting? Now that was something I wanted to try. And try I did, to smashing success!

Unlike other toy cleaners that need to be rinsed off, Pjur MedClean Spray is a viable alternative to soap and water, not just a substitute. It’s safe to use a toy if you just let it air dry, but if you need to remove physical dirt, wiping it down with a cloth or tissue after spraying works, too. That means no trip to the bathroom, no alerting the roommates and no trying to awkwardly wash non-waterproof toys. I especially appreciate that after getting my first ceramic vibrator; I’m a little paranoid about getting it wet so this is the perfect solution. A couple pumps and the cleaning solution will cover your toy in a super fine mist; I was actually surprised at how fine the mist was. I suspect this 100ml/3.4oz bottle (which comes plastic sealed) will last me quite some time. I also expect I will definitely be replacing it after it runs out.

Now, some people might be a little reluctant to use this product without wiping it off. I dry it simply so I can put toys away immediately, but the bottle also says it can be used on intimate areas, so I wouldn’t hesitate to let my toys air dry after using Pjur Med Clean Spray. It doesn’t hurt that it’s been dermatologically tested, either. In fact, I might be more likely to use it because it can help reduce odor and has a “prophylactic effect” against bacteria and fungi. Not only is it condom-safe (and rubber and silicone), but it might even boost your infection prevention methods. That’s a side effect, which sounds pretty good to me. It also has somewhat of an anti-viral effect when used on “utensils” – IE, sex toys.

You’re probably beginning to see how this stacks up against other toy cleaners. Simply being able to use it without water makes it more appealing than most toy cleaners, which still require rinsing. If you’re not sold, it’s also alcohol-free. Although, I must admit the ingredients list is a little daunting (at least there’s no controversial Triclosan):

  • water
  • phenoxyethanol
  • cocamidopropyl betaine
  • chlorhexidine digluconate
  • peg-7
  • glycerol
  • cocoate
  • dimethicone copolyol
  • neohesperidine dihydrochalcone
  • sorbitol

But let me recap the instructions:

  • Spray on Self or Toy

Fair trade, in my book.

Although the bottle advertises Pjur Med Clean as being perfume-free, it does have a sterile smell. It smells sort of chemically clean but perhaps not pleasant. Initially, this smell sticks to your toys but fades rather quickly. It’s supposed to be tasteless, but I cannot help but inhale the super-fine mist through my mouth; it definitely tastes sweet. I can’t say that either of those facts is a con, though. When it comes right down to it, Pjur MedClean Spray perfumes admirably and makes me feel a whole lot safer when it comes to my toys.

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Kinklab padded leather blindfold

October 16th, 2009

Kinklab padded leather blindfold

Kinklab padded leather blindfold
$33 from Store.OfSexAndLove.com

Update: I have even accidentally put this through the washing machine, and it’s held up pretty well!

Since my husband’s return, I’ve made more of an effort to get into BDSM which meant I needed a quality blindfold (and more “hardcore” cuffs but that’s something else entirely). Kinklab’s Padded Leather Blindfold seemed to fit the bill. It was contoured to fit the face better than cheap “sleep mask” type blindfolds and was affordably priced in the $20 like many leather blindfolds.

The padded leather blindfold arrived in a functional plastic tube container. On each end is a black plastic cap, while the tube itself is clear. There is a paper insert with the product name and a picture of a woman wearing it, which isn’t explicit but does indicate the nature of the product. I thought I could pull off the top of the container by the little loop, but it broke. Instead, I had to press in the sides to break the seal and then pop it off. It’s very secure, which is good but a little bit of a hassle if you want to use it for storage; however, it’s a decent storage solution because the loop (if you don’t break it off) makes it able to be hung.

As the name suggests, this blindfold is padded and leather. The front side is a stiffer leather and you can see the stitches, in black, around the edge. The sewing is well done without any loose threads. The back, which sits against the face, has a softer padding where it would sit across the eyes. The edges are flush and flat feeling; they’re not silky soft or uncomfortable. The elastic strap is securely stitched to either side; on one side is also a clothing-style tag with the Kinklab label, which also says it’s made in the USA.

During use, I found my eyes to be comfortable but the edges above the nose and toward the side applied pressure to my face. I could feel the stiffer leather around the edges where there was no padding. My husband did not experience this problem, however; I would attribute this to specific facial builds and the fact that the blindfold seems to be pretty big; at its widest, it’s nearly 3″ tall, which seems pretty big to me, and the bridge is over 1″ thick which I think is the cause of my personal discomfort. Of course, I do have a smaller face than some. This mask is bound to fit some people better than others.

This is especially true because it is secured by a simple elastic strap. Lying flat, the blindfold measures in at right around 20″ and I’d say you can get 4″ or so stretch from it but anyone who falls out of that range is out of luck. The blindfold could probably be sewn or otherwise manipulated for smaller headed folks but it’s not meant to be adjustable. Otherwise, this 3/4″ thick strap is made of a soft, elastic that’s fairly comfortable.

This blindfold is pretty effective at blacking out light. Because it is contoured, I can pull it a bit lower on my nose, and I cannot see any light or movement around the eyes or nose. I could see the vaguest light toward the side of the blindfold but it’s really not enough to detect movement. Unfortunately, it’s more comfortable for me to wear this blindfold higher, which negates that property, but my husband didn’t experience that as an issue.

One issue I do have is that, no matter how you cut it, this blindfold is not foolproof. Because of the give in the elastic band, my husband was able to rub his head against the bed to remove the strap. This is perhaps not the best blindfold for a feisty partner. Then again, this freedom can work well for someone who is a bit anxious about playing with a blindfold. A buckle style blindfold might work better for my purposes.

Overall, the Kinklab padded leather blindfold is good quality and effective at blocking out light. I found it to be a little stiff initially so I hope it softens over time; this will definitely improve the comfort issues I had. Although it’s not super secure, it’s generally a good multipurpose accessory for BDSM play.

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Elsewhere

October 13th, 2009

I’ve been a bit more inspired lately when it comes to posting on my blogs. I’ve also written a couple of articles for EdenCafe including one about cheating and another about my first orgasm. The former was submitted to Divine Caroline and is even being linked on their relationships page (although, in rather small text ;)). It’s awesome nonetheless.

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Raspberry Buttercream Frosting Guilt Free Body Treats Set

October 12th, 2009

Raspberry Buttercream Frosting Guilt Free Body Treats Set

Raspberry Buttercream Frosting Guilt Free Body Treats Set /p>

This sampler set is no longer available. However, Jaqua sells other Raspberry Buttercream products, including an essentials gift set.

Jaqua’s sampler set of bath and body items is meant to be a guilt-free treat but I didn’t find myself being treated much at all, despite the attention to detail when it came to presentation. For starters, I wasn’t sure the choice of products was as varied as it should be to introduce the customer to Jaqua. Furthermore, the scent was a major draw to me as a fan of both raspberry and frosting scents. In use, the products were decent but combined with the strange scent, nothing knocked me off my feet.

As I mentioned, the Raspberry Buttercream Frosting Guilt Free Body Treats Set is packaged nicely. The 3 pieces – body wash, body butter and hand cream – arrived in a cardboard box decorated in shades of pink and pretty patterns. There are several different designs on the box that work together beautifully. You can see each item through a window in the front and the top of the box folds down in such a way that it secures the contents. The hand cream also sits atop the body butter and there’s a dab of glue between to keep everything in place. The back of the box describes the products and scent and lists ingredients for each item. The overall design is one that is well thought out and feminine. The box itself would make a good gift set for a special event.

The body butter comes in a 2oz, white, plastic jar with a pink label on either side displaying the name and ingredients. Jaqua is printed around the edge from the top. That ink had started to wear off from coming in contact to the lotion itself. The hand cream is in a flip up, 2fl Oz, squeeze tube. On the front is the product label in the similar pink square, surrounded by a background pattern of the Jaqua heart; on the back is an ingredients list. The body wash is packaged similarly to the hand wash but comes in a larger, 8 fl Oz tube.

Like the liquid hand soap I previously reviewed, none of the products really smell like raspberry buttercream. Most of them smell better than the hand wash, however; still, it’s not saying much. I wouldn’t call any of them exactly good. It just seems like the specific recipes for these products called for a more balanced blend of ingredients, so the smell isn’t quite so overly saturated/heavy as it was with the hand soap.

I’ve gotten the most use out of the body butter (more so than other products I’ve tried). It’s thick and whipped and just a lot of fun to use. Like many lotions, it’s cocoa butter based. It feels really luxurious and has sat on my desk since I opened it. I’d say I’ve used about half of it and I generally enjoy it; although, I’d love it if it actually smelled how it should. Mostly, it smells like lotion with a hint of that odd scent to all the products (but which is definitely not raspberry buttercream). The thickness isn’t overly greasy or heavy and rubs into the skin nicely, leaving it moist. I’ve used it on my legs and feet and frequently use it on my hands simply because it’s there.

Which is why I’m not sure putting two types of lotion into this set is a good idea. Compared with the whipped formula of the body butter, the hand cream is sort of boring. Plus, it’s just a really similar product. Jaqua makes lip gloss or body mist that would add just a touch of variety to this set. The lotion is much thinner, as well. I found that it tends to come out of the tube fairly fast and I accidentally spilled some on my carpet. In use, it makes my skin feel a bit slippery/greasy – and in an odd way. It doesn’t really seem to rub in as well as the body butter. The overall feel is less desirable despite the inclusion of meadowfoam seed oil, fruit extracts and vitamins A and E. The hand cream also differs in that it’s a sort of medium pink. Actually, it’s just a tad darker than Pepto Bismol, so it reminds me of medicine, which, in turn, makes me feel a little sick. It’s perhaps an odd choice of colour.

Last but not least, I tried the body wash, which is probably my favorite product in this set. The scent is still a mystery but comes the closest to being pleasant out of all the products. It’s a similar shade of pink but has a metallic sheen so it’s pretty rather than sickening. It seems to be thicker than the hand cream so application is not a problem. Squeezed onto my shower puff, the Raspberry Buttercream Frosting Shower Crème lathers extremely easily and, when on my skin, it feels silky smooth. After rinsing, my skin also feels quite soft which is probably due to a combination of primrose oils and vitamins B5, A and E. Performance-wise, I have no qualms. Against it, I just wished I liked the scent.

Thus far, my experience with Jaqua’s products has been a bit of a letdown. Besides the body wash, I could give or take the other products in the Raspberry Buttercream Frosting Guilt Free Body Treats Set. If I tried more products in the future, I would definitely choose a different scent and probably go with the body wash.

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I’m Happy

October 9th, 2009

You may not be able to tell; after all, I’m a picky bitch through and through. And it certainly isn’t in every aspect of life but, lately, when it comes to love, I can say that I’m happy.

The other day, we were sitting in our armchair (which is nice and big) and doing something related to cuddling. It suddenly struck me just how much that is exactly where I wanted to be, perhaps needed to be, and how glad I was to be there. Since then I’ve been thinking about all the little things and being more appreciative for him doing what he does for me and us. It doesn’t hurt that we haven’t argued in some weeks, either.

Sometimes I have issues recognizing my feelings. Sometimes I don’t even realize it until they’re long gone. His deployment took an emotional toll, of course. Yet, it wasn’t until the end that I realized how far down I’d sunk. I didn’t realize that my constant fears about mortality and my complete lack of motivation to do anything in life were so closely connected to my husband being gone. I just thought “I’m fine, not perfect, but I’m fine” until one day I realized that I wasn’t fine. I was worried about not being able to make anything of myself ever so much that I didn’t even want to try and I was worried that not doing anything would mean I would live a pointless life so death became a very real fear.

I guess I also didn’t notice those thoughts slipping away, too. Even if it’s only slowly happening. I hadn’t realize it’s been a day, two days, a week since I last focused on those thoughts. I hadn’t realized how much of a foundation he provides, how much direction he gives me. How much he makes me want to live and, for that, I am happy.

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