Intimate Organics Intense Clitoral Stimulating Gel

June 2nd, 2009

Intimate Organics Intense Clitoral Gel

Intimate Organics Intense Clitoral Gel
$19.99 from TabuToys

I’m sorry for not posting sooner. I’ve just been burned out lately but I’d like to get reviews up this week of all the products I currently have so I can dedicated time to everything I’m waiting on in the mail, instead of things I’ve already tried.

Anyway, tonight’s review is actually a positive one about Intimate Organics Intense Clitoral Stimulating Gel which TabuToys was gracious enough to provide me. If you remember, I purchased some Adam&Eve clit sensitizing gel about this time last year and wasn’t really impressed. However, the second time around has proved to be more effective, as it well should with any product which claims to be “intense”.

Intimate Orgcanics is a name which is getting more press these days. I’m not sure if it’s just new or if retailers are starting to carry its products – most of which are sensual – or if people are gravitating to these “pure vegan” products but my first foray has been pretty rewarding. My tube of stimulation gel comes in a small box. The packaging features splashes of green and deep pink on a monotone background and looks very classy overall. Both the tube and box feature a sensual image of a woman’s abdomen but there’s nothing explicitly shown.

Intimate Organic’s advertises the use of “certified organics” in this (and, I believe, all of their) products. The intense stimulating gel contains “organic extracts, .. natural damiana, L-Argenine and L-orthinnine to increase blood flow to the clitoris” but it contains no menthol. If you’re conscientious about ingredients, this gel has no DEA or parabens. I really don’t care either way but I might choose this over a similar product if neither stood out in any other way. I do know that my last product also had L-Argenine and Christina, from TabuToys, commented about the ingredient. So heads up:

Your readers may also want to know that L-Arginine containing products can trigger outbreaks in users with genital herpes.

Another ingredient listed is peppermint oil. This does give it a slightly peppermint scent and, had I known this, I wouldn’t have accepted it to review because I have such an aversion to anything minty. However, it’s not a strong minty smell and I almost like it.

If you’re using IO’s Intense clitoral gel, you can also use latex condoms and it’s also safe to ingest but I wouldn’t say it’s meant to be edible. I dabbed a bit on my arm and gave it a lick. It does have a slightly sweet/spicy taste that is reminiscent of the peppermint but is not exactly minty. It’s a very light taste anyway and you might not even notice it.

However, I did notice a tingling affect on both my arm and tongue after about a minute. It works! It was definitely noticeable without being painful which some stimulating products can be. Now, I’m not especially sensitive to these products so others may experience a more profound affect. Furthermore, if you are sensitive, Intimate Organics makes a Mild Stimulating Gel (which TabuToys does not yet carry).

I found the effect on my clit to be more or less noticeable depending on how much product I used. I would definitely caution that this clear liquid is very thin and it’s easy to get a whole dollop when you want just a drop. I would also recommend using the tube upside down because unscrewing it with the cap-side-down will result in the gel dripping all over the place. It wouldn’t hurt to be careful to not squeeze the tube, either.

When using more product, I could definitely feel the tingling sense but it wasn’t pleasurable or uncomfortable. I simply felt like the gel was working. If I applied after I had already been playing, it seemed to mute the effect a bit, and if I was using a vibe or other sex toys, it was also a little harder to hone in on the sensations by the gel.

The big test, of course, is not just if I can feel it but if it has an effect on my orgasms. Reluctantly, I must say it seems like Intimate Organics Intense Clit Stimulating Gel does work. Every time I used it, I experienced either easier, faster or better orgasms – sometimes a combination. Of course, it could be due to other factors like my mood or the atmosphere or maybe it’s just due to the placebo effect but I think the solution is much easier: it works.

So, I won’t mind applying a little dab of this gel on my clit pre-masturbation or coitus but I probably wouldn’t use it during oral because it does have that tingly effect on tongues (I can still feel it after applying it when I started writing this review) and it’s a bit annoying. I’m sure my husband wouldn’t appreciate that.

I do wish it were a bit thicker because it can easily spill and it’s hard to control just how much product comes out of the tube. I think this may mean the tube is used up sooner than it would be but it’s definitely a bigger tube than my other clit sensitizer at 30ml. For reference, it’s definitely bigger than, say, a tube of lip gloss. I have a tube of Benadryl cream which is about the same size but I would be hesitant to estimate how many uses I could get. Your mileage may vary. 😉

So I will leave you with this. Intimate Organics has produced a clitoral gel which defnitely seems to be intense. I can feel it working and while I would like a thicker formula, I would recommend this Clitoral Stimulating Gel to others and likely buy it again for myself because it does have a noticeable effect on my orgasms.

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Ophoria K-balls #10

May 29th, 2009

Ophoria K-balls
N/A from

These Kegel exercisers remain in my top three nearly a decade later. Read on to find out more.

I feel it would be appropriate were this review accompanied by Tom Cruise singing “goodness, gracious, great balls of fire”. All silliness aside, Ophoria’s Smooth K-Balls are pretty great even if they’re not flaming (and that actually might be for the best). And now I can say I have balls.

Ophoria packaged the K-balls in a sleek pink and white box with some feminine details. It’s very modern and looks like a department store package so I could imagine it being sold retail in Younkers or something (is that reference too geographic? You could replace that with Macy’s). There’s a plastic window in front so you can see the pair of pink vaginal exercisers in all their glory. The balls themselves are not quite the same shade of pink as on the box; I think the box is a little prettier and the balls almost seem dull sometimes but it doesn’t detract from their use even if it sort of offends my sense of aesthetics.

Ophoria didn’t include a lot of information with their K-balls and they could expand on that. The box lets us know they’re 1000% silicone, non-porous, can be cleaned with soap and water and boasts of the strong stimulation and ergonomic design. The included instructions also serve as a product catalog. There are some generic instructions about not using any toys which appear broken, not submerging them or using them while menstruating. There are some good tips about how sex toys can transmit STDs and making sure to clean all crevices but not using brushes or abrasive solutions. There’s nothing in the way of how to get the best use out of this specific product.

So it might be a good thing that I’ve experienced kegel balls a time or two. In fact, you may remember my review of the Luna Beads and, to be honest, I wasn’t blown away. They weren’t very stimulating and I thought the whole concept of 2 weighted balls was hokey. Luckily, the K-balls are much more stimulating. In fact, I’d say I can even feel more movement from the inner balls – or “shakers” as the package calls them – in hand. I think the shakers might be a bit smaller but since the exterior is opaque, I don’t know for sure. The balls themselves are the same size at the Luna Beads, with a diameter of 1 3/8″ but the K-balls are slightly longer.

Speaking of the exterior, the pink K-balls have white-ish circle and triangle shapes. These shapes seem to be raised slightly but are only for looks as my vagina certainly can’t feel them. The hard silicone isn’t exactly smooth and has that typical, silicone texture which may make for more friction than smooth plastic but insertion was pretty easy with a little water-based lube. I find the second ball is always a little more difficult because I have to rely on the connecting material, which is flexible, to push up the higher ball. Once inserted, the balls don’t remain straight either; they sort of bunch up next to each other but it’s not uncomfortable (the lower ball will pop out, however, if they’re not situated correctly).

In fact, it’s the pleasurable stimulation I get from the K-balls which earns them a much higher rating than the Luna Beads. After initial insertion, the K-balls seem to rest directly against my G-spot and stimulate arousal. Since few toys have successfully and consistently stimulated my G-spot, this is quite the feat! I’m not sure if it’s the “vibration” of the inner balls, which I can feel (and even hear sometimes) or the exterior of the balls rubbing against my sensitive spots but the first minutes after insertion are always pleasurable.

I can definitely feel the “vibration”, too. I have a habit of doing this silly sort of ass-shaking move to make the K-balls vibrate (which I’m sure my husband would enjoy). This actually made me think that it might be a good idea to pop these in before going dancing! These ease of popping these in before any activity or even if you have nothing planned is appealing. And, even if the K-balls don’t strengthen my muscles, they feel good and being able to feel the vibration reminds me to do my Kegels here and there. I tend to pop them in before taking walks and do a couple squeezes while waiting to cross the street or in line at the store. But if you want to be more proactive about your muscle strengthening, you can always clench around one or both balls, while tugging on the string with a finger.

I can’t say for sure if my muscles are any stronger. I think that’s easier to tell with a partner – which I don’t have right now. I can say that I have used these balls, in a few short weeks, more than I’ve used the Luna Beads in the months I’ve had them. Both sets of vaginal balls made me more aware of my vagina but the K-balls also makes me feel good which is that much more incentive to use them.

After you’re done, you can easily remove the K-balls with the silicone-coated string with connects to the “lower” ball. Actually, the lower ball is slightly pointed at the bottom so it’s not a complete “ball”. Unlike the Luna Beads, the K-balls don’t tend to get all suction-stuck in my pussy and the coated string doesn’t cut into my finger. Unfortunately, that is a tiny crack in the coating of the string on my balls. I noticed it after using because the crack is so tiny so it’s possible that I somehow caused it or that it came this way and I just didn’t notice. Fortunately, it hasn’t grown any and I’m still comfortable using the K-balls.

After use, K-balls are easy to wash with soap and water. Silicone is dishwasher safe but I’m not entirely sure about the K-balls. The box says they’re splash proof but I don’t see why they couldn’t be fully submerged as they lack mechanical parts. The K-balls are also easy to dry and don’t seem to pick up lint. I do wish they came with a storage pouch – I stole the one that came with my Luna Beads to keep them all nice and cozy and protected from other toys.

In the end, I was much more impressed by Ophoria’s K-balls than other vaginal balls I’ve tried. These high-quality exercisers are not only easy to use but are actually a fun and pleasurable way to raise body awareness and, hopefully, strengthen PC muscles. With a little more information provided and a storage pouch, I’d say the K-balls are an A+.

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Get up to 30% off at MysteryVibe

I Love My Boss

May 26th, 2009

The Boss Naked
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

..and you can be sure I’ve never had reason to say that before, until now. Unfortunately, the Boss vibrator has some of the same issues as real bosses. Like, there are a couple of different versions, which leads to some confusion. Which is the real boss? Who do I actually report to? I mean, there’s the new Boss Lady in town with her pink power suit. But there are also a couple more bosses who demand your attention. The original boss, even though his position seems to have been liquidated, can still be found stuck in his old-fashioned ways. He seems to be making his presence known, complete with dial-style controls. Finally, some folks like myself are familiar with a sort of transitional Boss. You could say that while he looks more like the old Boss (colour), he acts more like the new one (control type). While some people prefer the old boss, he has been giving his pink slip and the Boss Lady is here to stay.

Like any employer, sometimes the Boss just doesn’t mesh with some folks. There seem to be a lot of issues revolving around opening the battery compartment on both styles. The battery cap pops off from the boss with sort of a partial twist which can be confusing. Furthermore, there have been reports of the Boss not completing all his duties fully or at all. He has failed to vibrate and/or pulsate for some unless they fidget with the battery pack or controls (and sometimes that doesn’t even help) but I think a boss should just do his job. Luckily for me, mine did.

If you’re considering the Boss to get the job done, you’ll notice he comes well-dressed for the job. With his clean lines, defined head and velvety matte texture (which might mean using an extra drop or two of water-based lube), it’s hard to not be drawn to the boss. The Boss has a gentle curve and substantial girth (1-3/5”) so heads up, size queens. With an insertable length of just under 7″, the Boss knows how to dress for success and his overall appearance lured me into cooperation.

But it was his performance that got the best review! Although not the largest toy I own, The Boss feels incredibly filling, even bigger than he is. The silicone is firm enough for thrusting but soft enough that he feels as though he’s conforming to me especially. One of the last toys I tried, while large, never felt filling. If there is one area in which the Boss excels, this is it! Were I to search for the perfect size and shape of cock, I would walk down the line up of cock with The Boss in my hand, comparing, and I cannot help but wonder if anything or anything will compare. I definitely think the texture and shape of the Boss give the impression of a toy bigger than the Boss is but, hey, sometimes you have to know when to fool people into thinking you’re more than you are.

Billed as the perfect G-spot vibe, I didn’t find that he quite hit mine right during solo play but don’t doubt his firmness would make him the right man for the job if someone could intervene for me (damn my short arms). Yet, the Boss isn’t a man so hard you need to be afraid – he has a sensitive side. The Boss is definitely soft and flexible. The top half of the shaft is pure, flexible silicone, while the motor is located toward the middle of the shaft, on the bottom half.

Using the Boss’s flexibility to my advantage has turned this into the perfect dual-stimulation toy. I know he doesn’t look like much of a double-tasker, but being able to bend him upward so that the little clitoral nub makes contact is amazing. Otherwise, I don’t think that little clitoral nub will do much of anything; in fact, that was even the thought I had about it right out of the package. While I’ve used the Boss to get off with the head on my clit, bending him has definitely provided the best orgasms. I find that I can sometimes get into such a rhythm that thrusting him provides stimulation against both my G-spot (the thrusting causes the vibe to curve back in a way it otherwise wouldn’t) and clit, in sequence.

I’m glad, for once, that The Boss proved me wrong. He has proved to be a much harder worker and easier to work with than I would have originally guessed. For instance, I thought he had some control issues, in the beginning. It was difficult to push his buttons to access the multiple levels of vibration and pulsation. My small hands struggled. However, because my grip on the toy was actually reversed when in use, I found the buttons easier to use this way and was soon provided with 7 or so pleasing levels of vibration (provided by 4 AAA batteries). While not the strongest toy in my collection (that pleasure goes to the Miracle Massager), the boss was not disappointing, either, and his 3 levels of pulsation were not the wimpy kind – I definitely felt them deep within. All the while, the Boss used only a suitable indoor voice and you’d never know he was just a room over. I would have to say, however, that the Boss does not perform consistently. The vibes were much stronger near the clitoral bump than the head of the shaft.

Of course, I’m a critical person and I couldn’t help but notice a specific area where the Boss’s traits were over-exaggerated a bit. Rumors about the Boss say that he is good at giving an extra boost to get the job done when it’s really getting down to the line. I was not impressed by the turbo boost button at the end of the vibe. Essentially, it seems like an extra level of steady vibration, which you can press when orgasm is near, to set you over the edge. I didn’t find the boost to be that powerful, and the fact that you need to hold it down also hampers the effect. It would make more sense if, say, I could press the boost button once and get a few seconds of extra power without needing to hold it.

Nevertheless, there are a few understated qualities of the boss that make him a pleasure to work with. He’s not afraid to get his hands wet, which makes him perfect for use in the shower and easy to clean.

If you can’t tell yet, I’ve really gotten used to working with the Boss and I look forward to our teamwork in the future.

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Pink Pussy Pump

May 23rd, 2009

Pink Pussy Pump
$37.69 from Store.OfSexAndLove.com

Although I was initially a bit put off by the strange looks of the Pink Pussy Pump, I was soon pleasantly surprised by the unique sensations provided by an actually effective suction system.

At first, I was taken aback by the size of the suction cup. I was expecting something a little smaller, for focus on clitoral suction. Rather, the cup provides suction stimulation to the entire vulva – or pussy – region. Furthermore, the cup is made of a hard pink plastic, which did prove to get the job done, but also threw me off. The hard plastic seemed to be a bit institutional or medicinal – at least, as medicinal as pink plastic can be. There’s not much to the rest of the apparatus: just a springy hose and a rubber, bulb-shaped pump. Overall, this is not a sexy looking sex toy and that was disappointing to my sense of aesthetic. Luckily, a toy does not need to be sexy itself to work well.

The pussy pump, which comes in a fairly cute, 70s inspired pink and purple box, fits easily over my lips. I have to agree that it is ergonomically correct; the edges of the cup are slightly curved instead of flat. Although the cup isn’t exactly small, it was small enough to move higher or lower and I think it would be wearable during sex as long as it’s not too rough or the cup isn’t bumped. I was able to insert a rather large toy and thrust without dislodging the cup.

Suction-wise, I was impressed. The Pinky Pussy Pump provided much more suction than the last flimsy toy I tried. I applied it to a bare thigh first, just to experiment, and the suction on the first pump was amazing. The increase in successive pumps was also impressive, and the effect on my skin was visible. Applied to my vulva, I felt a satisfying pressure/tug on the general area, which, while including my clit, wasn’t focused on it.

At first, my squeezes on the bulb pump, which is textured and easy to grip, were rather large, but I was able to experiment a bit, and I could easily adjust the level of pressure in fairly small increments. If the pressure is too much, you need to take off the pump quickly or you’re simply done playing, there is an easy to use quick-release button between the hose and pump. I found the woosh of air to my pussy to feel really exciting. I wasn’t able to release the pressure in increments as small as I could increase it but, with focus, I could release pressure in several small increments.

While this sensation alone wasn’t enough to get me off. It was quite arousing and would be a nice companion during sex or masturbation. I think sex would work a little better because the cup did get in the way a bit with toy use. The toy also aims to increase the size of your lips but, honestly, I didn’t really notice. However, I wasn’t as concerned because it was pleasurable.

Despite the fact that the suction was impressive, it was fairly easy to break the seal by slipping a finger under one edge of simply pulling the cup off my skin (and, y’know, when my cat jumped on me LOL). Neither of these things hurt, either. It also didn’t tug on any of my hair but it’s fairly short right now (maybe 1/2″).

One of the features of the Pink Pussy Pump is that you can remove the hose and pump without loosing suction. I’m not sure why anyone would do this. I wasn’t eager to do jumping jacks or the dishes or anything so I don’t see the need. Still, I tried it out, and I was able to successfully remove the house where it connects via a metal fastener type thing. This is also how I disconnected the hose to wash the cup before and after use. Without the hose, the cup is simply an easy-to-clean, hard plastic piece.

I found the Pink Pussy Pump to be more stimulating than I thought it would be and can see it being used during partner or solo play. The stretchy hose was adequate length for me to use on myself and a partner could easily hold the reins as well, adding another aspect to your play. I would recommend this to anyone looking for suction in their sex lives.

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Goliath

May 22nd, 2009

Goliath
$73 from Tantus

Tantus now makes a Super Soft version of the Goliath. 

Tantus is a brand many people love but which never much appealed to me because so many of its products are for harness use.  Although harness compatible dildos can absolutely be used harness-free, I found many of the designs by Tantus to be a little, well, boring and too smooth.  On the other hand, many of the dildos have an overabundance of ridges, ripples and bulges, which don’t work very well for hard and fast thrusting. It really takes a particular dildo to please me, texture and shape are of utmost importance and since I haven’t mastered the art of G-spot orgasm, I usually stick to sex toys which stimulate my clit. However, I was interested in trying some of their products when PinkCherry offered, and browsed through their collection. I wasn’t looking for the super smooth, Silk trio of dildos and the Echo, while beautiful, seemed like a bit too much for me. I wound up choosing the Goliath .
goliath
With its metallic purple shine and lifelike veins and contoured head, Tantus has produced a pretty good-looking dildo. Luckily, its unrealistic colour balanced off its more realistic shape because I don’t like my dildos to be too true to life. Like other Tantus products, this dildo is 100% silicone (advertised as “100% ultra-premium platinum silicone” on the package) which means no harmful chemicals (promising you a rash and irritation-free experience, unlike mine with Sil-A-Gel))or porousness and you can thoroughly clean Goliath by boiling or bleaching but, since I don’t plan on sharing or using this dildo anally, warm water and soap will suffice. The packaging claims that “with minimal care, Tantus Toys can last a lifetime”; because they can be sterilized, you can even donate them to friends should they outlive your need or, dare I say, will them to your children. 😉

If you hadn’t guessed already by the name, Goliath’s stature is anything but small. Weighing in at 7 1/2″ in length and width with a girth at 5 1/2″, it’s not a toy for beginners or those who like things thin. And, after trying it out, I would also say it’s not a toy for those who like their insertables soft. The silicone material is rather rigid and while it doesn’t feel as hard in my hand (I can squeeze a bit and bend the shaft), once nestled inside my pussy it feels rather unyielding. Coupled with its size, it provided an experience more uncomfortable than I had bargained for.

Of course, as with any toy of such a significant size, lube is a must. Water-based lubes are safe with any material and higher quality silicone lubes may always work. Even with lube, I found there was initial resistance when I inserted Goliath. After passing my pubic bone, it became easier but it seemed like even though I wasn’t inserting much of the dildo, it quickly assaulted my cervix. Perhaps the thickness of the shaft makes Goliath seem shorter than it is but I felt like I could insert less than I usually can with my toys. Maybe it’s just perception or it could be that there seems to be a bit more leeway with thinner toys and cocks but it just didn’t feel like this dildo was made for my body, at least for thrusting. However, I did enjoy the sensation of having this dildo inside while focusing on clitoral stimulation. I always enjoy the way it feels when my muscles contract in orgasm around an object.

Goliath’s veins were discernible but not overly so. I didn’t really feel either way about them. The same could be said for the provided bullet which turns this into a vibrating dildo (I hate the term LOL). The one speed, silver bullet is pretty standard size, battery (3, watch style) powered and operates with a push button on the end. For its size, the vibrations are decent but the definitely become more muted once inserted into the dildo. I could barely feel them at the tip; although, the vibrations were more easily felt at the base.

Overall, the bullet seemed much cheaper than the toy. I’m sure they are better bullets. More than once, the vibration didn’t seem to want to work correctly because the bullet is so fickle. Additionally, I had a difficult time inserting and removing the bullet, which comes separately from the dildo. The package advises using lube, which I had to do in order to insert it. Insertion without lube meant the bullet barely went in. However, despite the fact that I applied lube, I had one hell of a time removing the bullet. First, the cap popped off, then it started randomly vibrating and after about 10 minutes of wrestlin’ with it, I finally pulled the bullet loose.

I think a much better use of the hole is the Tantus suction cup which allows you to play with your toys on any flat surface. At first, I noticed that the smooth bottom of Goliath has a bit of suction, but it’s not enough to secure it to a surface.

In the end, I was left a well-made, high-quality dildo and I expect it to last no less than a lifetime (even if the bullet was disappointing); however, the combination of size and stiff silicone left me wanting, well, a little less. I’m sure that some will love the Goliath, and there’s probably a Tantus dildo that will work well for me, but the search doesn’t end here.

31 Comments

Categories: Dildos, Reviews
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Venus Penis

May 16th, 2009

Venus Penis
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. You can buy this similar product, but I’m not sure why you’d want to.

Dear California Exotic Novelties,

Size matters. I’m not sure if you missed the memo or if you’re so sure of yourself that you think the rules don’t apply to you but they do. Let me repeat it: size matters. No, it’s not the only thing that matters. So do quality, forethought, creativity and function, all of which you utterly failed to bring to the table when you decided to make yet another pitiful “hands free” vibrator: the Venus Penis. I know that out of the hundreds or thousands of sex toys you will make, some of them are destined to succeed but is that good enough reason for the rest of them to be so horrid? In short, California Exotic, your toy sucks. You suck.

For starters – and let’s kick it off with the big one – I only chose the Venus Penis after having such a disappointing time with my first (and last, until now) strap on vibrator because it has a penis. At least, I thought it did. Your pictures and packaging make it seem mysteriously larger than it actually is. It almost looks like a nice, meaty cock will well defined head. What it actually is, is a finger which has mutated with the head of a cock. It might be a meaty finger, but it’s not much when it comes to insertion. If any of you have vaginas, stick your thumb in it. Wow! See what that does?

Absolutely nothing!

On the topic of size, I have a bone to pick with toy manufacturers who assume that the vagina, clit and anus are all within some 3″ diameter. They’re not. Really. Add an inch or 2 or, hell, even 4 for good measure and then the “erotic clitoral” stimulator and “superior anal” stimulator might reach their target. I mean, come on, can you really call something that doesn’t touch anything superior? I think not.

On a semi-related note, I guess you don’t like fleshy girls. My mons and labia are pretty prominent, which means if I even want clit stimulation, I have to push my lips aside and hold the toy against me. So much for hands-free, huh? Really, all you need to do is make the clit stimulator longer and soft enough so I can adjust it to where I need it.

And while we’re on the subject of inferiority (we are, aren’t we?), let’s talk about the material. Jelly? Really? It smells out of the box and, you’re lucky, because many folks won’t even touch the stuff anymore, but I’m not so picky. And, I’m not sure how you did it, but the jelly is actually rather stiff. The wings kept poking my poor thighs uncomfortably. What gives? (Haha! Nothing, because if the toy had give, it wouldn’t hurt). And the straps? Cheap elastic, which, while soft and shouldn’t hurt, began to chafe after a while.

So where were we? Creativity? Check – I mean, not really. I liked the idea of overall external stimulation combined with internal vibration so I think you tried to do something a little more original, here, but failed. That’s because you lack my next point:  forethought. I probably think more than most people and it doesn’t always do me any good but your lack of thought, period, does me no good. I mean why put the penis in the middle of the butterfly’s tummy when the toy is designed to sit forward, not really under you? This means the already-crappy penis is inserted at an awkward, yes even painful, angle. Maybe that’s why you made it so short? You knew we’d be feeling it but did you count on us saying “Ouch!”?

It also doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the thigh and waist strap set up just doesn’t work. The entire time I had this thing on (although I must commend you for making this wearable by a large variety of sizes), the toy pulled up and to the front instead of where I wanted it to sit, y’know, against my clit! I think that straps which mimic the shape of a bikini or even like a G-string would make more sense. Plus, the placement made sitting uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure the position the woman is, on the package, is the only feasible position and, even doing that, the anal stimulator kept stabbing at my perineum.

Furthermore, when is someone going to make detachable straps so we can toss them in the washer? Oh, wait, the customer would never know how to put them back on and it’s not our fault. It’s because the setup is ridiculously complicated (remember when I suggested you mimic a well-known set up like panties? That might come in handy, now). I mean, if we could take off the straps without fearing we’d never get them back on correctly, we might use the toy a lot more because cleaning would be so much easier.

Well, maybe. Except for the part where a wire comes out of the toy through a hole in the belly, near the front. I understand it needs to connect to the control pack somehow (standard, CE dial-style controls), but not only does it make cleaning harder than it should be (and you can certainly rule out waterproof capabilities) but it’s kind of weird for the wire to come out from between my lips.

What we’re left with here is function. I would expect strong vibes from a toy powered by 2AA batteries. This wasn’t really the case. However, I did find that I was left with a pleasant tingle and, with a lot of holding the toy and grinding against it, I did get off. Still, I have toys that can do this better, easier, and faster, like my Laya Spot, and if that was all I wanted from this toy, I wouldn’t have purchased it. I got absolutely nothing from the penis on this toy at best, when it wasn’t being painfully mediocre, literally.

You might be wondering now if there was anything I did like. Yes, I liked the colour of this. It’s a neat dark fuchsia. It’s just too bad the shape of the toy isn’t aesthetically appealing; otherwise, I might just consider not throwing it away.

Also, the awkward pose of the “model” on the packaging makes me smile. I mean, who wouldn’t? The fake breast groping and the forced smile are just so strange. I can’t help but laugh. Thanks for that, California Exotic Novelties, and not much else.

Sincerely,

Me

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators
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Pink Magnificent

May 16th, 2009

Pink Magnificent Dildo

Pink Magnificent Dildo

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

There are days when everything seems to go right. Or so I hear.  I cannot specifically recall having one. However,  I do recall a specific masturbation session which went very well. There I was, with a pink glass dildo and some Wet Naturals lube. I wasn’t thinking about the dildo’s propensity to hold heat or the lack thereof (although it is a very nice feature of glass) as it warmed to my body temperature. I had better things to think about than the fact that I could sterilize it, if I wanted, by boiling it or popping it in the dishwasher (top shelf, no soap). No, I was focused on the feeling of the swirled shaft sliding in and out of my body, the smooth, engorged head probing deep inside (with a 3 3/4 ” girth at the shaft, this dildo isn’t like a meaty cock, but the texture more than makes up for it).

My mind wasn’t visualizing the snake-like appearance of the shaft (you can see the swirling on the opposite side of the dildo, which makes it seem crisscrossed, like scales).  Perhaps the magnificent appearance is where its name comes from (the Pink Magnificent). I was relieved because the last swirled dildo I had used was actually a little uncomfortable, but the tightly wrapped, spiral texture extends the full length (7.5″, 7″ of which are insertable) of this glass dildo. While I could easily feel the texture, the swirls were neither so high nor wide that they caused discomfort.

What I felt, instead, was increasing pleasure. I soon recognized my body’s own response to a toy that is not only well made but well shaped; the lube was no longer the reason I was wet and growing wetter by the moment. Even realizing this caused me greater satisfaction. It’s not every day that internal stimulation alone does so much for me. In fact, sex does not consistently produce such a result, so that a dildo could do so on its first try was impressive. Perhaps this is why it’s called the Pink Magnificent.

During all of this, I didn’t consider how the flat base of this dildo made it anal-safe (although I might have thought it made a good handle). After all, I was enjoying it vaginally. I wasn’t considering the affordability (Don Wand’s glass toys cost just a fraction of the price of Pyrex glass dildos) or the thought that went into the toy (Don Wands provides a bulky, pillow bag for storage and protection as well as samples of Wet lube with their products) or its non-porous nature (good for folks like me who only like to wash up with soap and water).  I simply enjoyed the feeling of a glass dildo, larger than the rest of my collection, gracing my sex.

As arousal grew, I knew I would have to switch tactics. I would have to focus on clitoral stimulation in order to cum. The dildo slid easily from between my lips and was soon rubbing smoothly over my vulva, against my clit. Applying pressure, which is easy to do with such a hefty tool, soon brought forth an orgasm or two (maybe more, who’s counting?).

As sex faded from my mind, I was able to easily wash the Pink Magifnicent with soap and water, then let it dry before slipping it back into its storage pouch. I did take the time to consider how much easier it is to dry glass without having to worry about the smooth material picking up lint; it’s also why using glass requires little to no lube (however, I would always use a little lube with this dildo but I can choose silicone or water-based to suit my mood).

I put the Pink Magnificent aside for a few days until I could return to it in a rational, not enamored, state of mind. Currently, I have a few thoughts (almost all positive). The Pink Magnificent is a sturdy, well-made dildo, the color and texture of which give it a beautiful exterior. It feels unique and satisfying internally, and the round, tapered head works well for clitoral play. Vaginal or anal play are both ideal, and because it can be sterilized, this glass dildo is safe for both. 

Frequent soap-and-water cleaning will more than suffice if you don’t plan to share it between holes or partners. However, I noticed that creases between the swirls on this toy are a  little more difficult to clean than other glass dildos I own. I would advise cleaning with a small brush or perhaps just a Q-tip to make sure the crevices are cleaned. Although I thought I had cleaned thoroughly with just my hands, I noticed the dildo retained some dirt and will have to keep this in mind for the future.

Nevertheless, Don Wands has produced a dildo that performs very admirably with their Pink Magnificent. Form and function are both tops here, and the price is very reasonable.

18 Comments

Categories: Dildos, Reviews
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Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.