10 Wallet-Friendly Alternatives to the Liberator Throw

April 30th, 2019

It’s no secret that many of us enjoy our Liberator Throws. Using them provides us with peace of mind that allows us to truly let go when having sex. While I’m one of many people who has been quick to recommend these products, it’s also no secret that a Throw is hard on the wallet. They’re a hassle to clean, a little crinkly, and the company has had dubious practices with affiliates in the past. Plus, Liberator Throws don’t really absorb the mess. It just sits on top of the blanket.

So if you’re looking for a product that’s more affordable or easier to wash or simply cannot support the company, you’ve got options! You might not need these options if your messes are small and easily taken care of with a few towels, but for those who towels aren’t good enough, keep reading.

Waterproof Blankets

THROWS OF PASSION Waterproof Pleasure Blanket
Several companies make similar blankets including this one by Throws of Passion

Several other companies make waterproof blankets, some specifically for sex and others for general purposes. Because they’re larger and designed to be prettier and more comfortable than some of the other products on this list, waterproof blankets tend to cost more than other options (this isn’t always the case!). However, you’ve got more choices when it comes to size, material (fleece, velvet, etc.) and colors. These options definitely feel the most like the Liberator Throw.

I’ll take a moment to mention the Avana Waterproof Throw, which comes in the same colors as the Throw. In fact, the description uses some of the same photos and size labels, so it could be an off-label Liberator. However, users say it’s less crinkly than a Throw. It’s a toss-up but markedly cheaper than a Throe if you like the style.

Many of these options simply popped up when I searched Amazon for a waterproof blanket. I stuck to those that had positive reviews and material, size, or color options. There are plenty more alternatives, however, if you search for a waterproof or picnic/stadium/pet blanket. Bonus: outdoor blankets often come with a carrying case of some sort.

Mattress Protectors

Mattress protectors are basically plastic that slips over your mattress, so you need to be sure to buy one that’s the same size as your mattress and deep enough, too. Some are quilted for extra softness. Mattress protectors are not my personal favorite because they don’t protect your sheets, so you’ll still have to wash those. This seems less useful for frequent sex. But you might enjoy them if you’re also looking to keep your mattress pristine from sweat, period blood, etc.

AmazonBasics offers its own version, but you can purchase them in many big-box and home goods stores.

pee pad
Puppy pee pads aren’t pretty, but they get the job done

Waterproof Pads

Waterproof pads protect a targeted area on your sheets and mattress. The smaller size is easier to wash, dry and store, and they often come in 2-packs. They’re sold as puppy pee pads, incontinence pads, and bedwetting pads for kids. You can easily buy them for less than $20 if you’re willing to sacrifice the larger size and aesthetic options.

Although the above are washable, you can purchase single-use pee pads that might be convenient if you don’t have access to a washing machine or room to transport a whole pad/blanket. You can buy a whole bunch of them for very little money.

The cheapest options might not seem as luxurious as a Throw but they may be more inconspicuous and can even come in handy if you do have children or pets.

Bonus: a latex sheet like the type you’ll find in kinky stores lies over the top of your bed. It can be kinky, although it won’t absorb any liquids. Be careful around the edges!

This post contains some affiliate links.

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April 2019 Media Recommendations

April 26th, 2019

April is almost over, so I better get this posted. This month’s list of recommendations is longer than I realized. Each month, I listen to podcasts, watch videos and read a bit. If something is especially poignant, I might think that I should jot that down somewhere to recommend to you all, but I often forget. As I went through my history, I realized how much good stuff I enjoyed in April. I hope you enjoy some of it, too!

Listen

Feminist podcast The Waves discussed the current state of sex education in the U.S and whether schools is where people should get all their sex ed.

I think I’ve listened to Speaking of Sex before, but I recently came across it again and quickly consumed three or four episodes. They’re in the middle of a series about stress and sex that include an episode with Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are, who has a new book about burning out.

In the most recent episode of Science Vs, Wendy discusses whether the fertility cliff for women is real, if men might experience one as well, and what in the world is happening with sperm.

I wouldn’t have started listening to Outward if it wasn’t broadcast on The Waves channel, but I find that I enjoy it. In a recent episode about the gay scene, the hosts discuss how the scene looks different in various locales. While that was interesting, I especially enjoyed the segment with Shirley Chan about bi culture — what is it, does it exist, and how does it look? Examining bi culture and identities also hits home for me. It’s been difficult for me to identify with the larger queer community when parts of hetero culture still apply to me. Plus, they discuss democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg and whether his being gay should matter to votes when it doesn’t seem to matter to him. 

Watch

It seems as though queer issues and sexuality are gaining more traction in mainstream media, so some of my recommendations this month fall under that purview.

Netflix has a new series called Bonding about a couple of friends who work in a BDSM dungeon. I’m only a few episodes in, and it’s a bit silly but enjoyable.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed Good Girls (NBC) since it debuted. Christina Hendricks and Retta nail it. In a recent episode, one of the characters has come out as trans.

While The Bold Type is sometimes white feminism at its worst, the newest season shows Jane taking charge of her reproductive future by freezing her eggs. She’s currently dating someone, and the show has handled it well. It’s compassionate, real, and touching.

Two therapists discuss consent in BDSM in this short video. Somehow they manage to address what people can learn about how the kink community handles consent, knowing yourself before you can ask what you want, and more in just a few minutes!

Read

I haven’t started a new book about sex since I finished Tongue Tied (check out my review). Still, I enjoyed a few pieces online and parts of other books that touched on sex.

I’ve been reading Human Errors by Nathaniel Lents. The author walks readers through all the quirks of the human body as a result of evolution and sometimes random flukes. Although it’s not all about sex, a chapter that discusses the intricacies of reproduction and fertility are fascinating and timely for this post.

Editor, writer and more Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote a piece called “I Suddenly Stopped Being Kinky and I’m Not Sure Why” for Self last month. It was honest and interesting. This piece complements her interview on Sex Out Loud quite well. In the podcast, Rachel and Tristan discuss when kink is something we do versus who we are.

Let me know what you think of this media. Do you have some recommendations of your own? I feel like there’s a lot of new shows and movies that are queer-oriented that I hear about but then forget. Feel free to let me know if you’ve got a favorite.

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Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Science of Sex: Male Squirting

April 23rd, 2019

male squirting

As I browsed Reddit a week or so ago, I came across the story of a man who had accidentally urinated in his partner’s mouth when oral sex continued after initial orgasm/ejaculation. Many people in the thread were confused as to how OP didn’t know this was possible. Several commenters revealed that people with penises can experience an ejaculatory orgasm and then experience a pleasurable orgasm-like sensation afterward. However, they’re not ejaculating again.

What is happening then? It appears to be male squirting.

It’s not often that I come across a sexual activity that is new to me. Imagine my surprise to learn there’s an entire subreddit dedicated to it.

A study was able to replicate this transmission to produce “translucent misty fluids with a creatine level similar to that of urine.” The patient experienced muscle contractions as well. Researchers concluded that this was urine being expelled because of the contractions.

Personal stories show that people have been able to squirt this way by rubbing just the head of the penis or via anal stimulation. Although, some people are hesitant because of how sensitive they become after orgasm.

Many people have made the comparison to female squirting, which originates in the bladder but doesn’t appear identical to urine. Both can cause the sensation of needing to pee (this is common when the G-spot is stimulated). There can be similar muscle contractions and fluid is expelled. through the urethra. It’s very dilute, however.

We’ve long been taught that an erection makes it difficult to pee; although, morning wood proves that it’s not impossible. Male squirting seems to be another example.

This is a short recap because there’s only one study from October 2018 that focuses on a single subject. However, the Internet is full of videos stimulating their penises to squirt, and you can see the difference between that and ejaculation, which happens in spurts and not streams.

Knowing that anyone may be capable of achieving an involuntary bladder reflex in response to sexual stimulation might lend more credence to what many women experience when they squirt. At the very least, it can expand how people view sexuality.

Further Reading

Male squirting: Analysis of one case using color Doppler ultrasonography

New insights from one case of female ejaculation.

The Female Prostate Revisited: Perineal Ultrasound and Biochemical Studies of Female Ejaculate

Off Topic: Male Version of Female Ejaculation (Squirting)

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JIL Olivia Vibrator

April 15th, 2019

JIL Olivia Vibrator
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Did you ever know one of those people whose personality was a sponge? They soaked up those around them. But when you remove that person from a group and get them alone, you find that they’re lacking in personality. They try so hard to please that you’re not sure who they are. Without a person or group to mimic, they’re bland.

Even worse, you wonder if you ever really knew them at all. You feel deceived.

It’s this way with Olivia, which tries to do so many things but never really manages to do any of them well. Perhaps I should know better. Almost every single toy I’ve used that wanted to be versatile has failed me.

Remember the bendable, twistable vibrator? No one would blame you if you didn’t. You might recall how much I disliked the Gvibe 2, which was advertised to work in 8 different ways but really only kinda-sorta achieved one.

I guess it comes down to this: I want my sex toys to do one thing really well.

If I can find some second use for the toy, that’s fantastic. Many internal vibes can work for clitoral stimulation.

Truth be told, I feel the same about most of my devices. I prefer an e-reader to a tablet because it’s set up to do one thing and do it well.

Olivia doesn’t do any one thing that well. The shape and curve of the shaft suggest that G-spot stimulation is ideal, but the thin, flexible neck means you can’t get the pressure you might like or thrust with any intensity.

It also means a lack of pressure when it comes to clitoral stimulation.

This vibrator just feels awkward in my hand, too. The neck is sooo flexible that the head flops around heavily. I always underestimate what companies mean when they advertise something as flexible, but this is also a case of the manufacturer overestimating how much flexibility a person would ever need. It makes the toy feel impossible to control once inserted it. You really can’t get a lot of precision with Olivia because it’ll bend any which way.

But it’s partially my fault, you know? Because I see words like “flexible,” and I think this toy does so much and sign myself right up. I should know better by now. Similarly, I should had realized that deep raspberry pink color was too good to be true. It’s a brighter, more run-of-the-mill pink in person.

I’m also flummoxed at the size of this, especially when compared with how flexible it is. There are plenty of reasons why a person might want a shorter toy or even one with a more narrow shaft, but those all seem negated by the flexibility. My fingers inch up the shaft in an attempt to gain some semblance of control, reducing the insertable length.

Although it doesn’t look like that extreme, it feels like Olivia’s shaft narrows suddenly after the head, so only the head provides much stimulation. The rest is too narrow or perhaps lacking in texture to do much at all. This would be fine if Olivia was a good G-spotter (I find those straight and narrow G-spot wands a bit boring but effective), but it’s not. But toys can have a wider shaft and still effectively hit the G-spot.

In terms of motor, Olivia is buzzier and louder than I’d like. There’s that “hollow” sound that some vibrators make (many Fun Factory toys used to) that suggests there needs to be more insulation around the motor. The wider base means your hand won’t buzz right off, however. Actually, I really enjoy the shape of the base for holding, and the single button is placed well to be used via thumb (it also lights up). I dislike the controls on most insertable vibes.

Aside from the three steady modes, there are a few pulsation and escalation modes. Some of these are terribly buzzy, and a few just seem like buzzier and/or weaker steady vibration modes. I am not sure why they’re included. Were the shape designed for my body, I would be fine with the steady vibes. Olivia wouldn’t be my favorite, but it would get the job done.

There’s probably someone out there who wants a toy that’s super flexible, can be inserted less than 5 inches, has a maximum diameter of under 1 1/2 inches, and provides middle-of-the-road vibrations. It’s not me, though. Olivia just fails at being enough for me. It’s not long enough, strong enough, firm enough, wide enough.

If I didn’t have to write about Olivia, I’d likely shove it in the back of a drawer and forget all about it. And that’s no vote of confidence.

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In Dreams

April 10th, 2019

I’ve dreamed about The Bartender often lately. My dreams aren’t about him, though; they’re about what he symbolizes. After all, we have barely talked twice in over two years. We haven’t slept together in closer to five. Hell, he’s not even a bartender anymore as far as I know. My how the time flies.

Yet, I find myself dreaming about him. In those dreams, I am longing, I am angry, I am hurt and confused. Most of all, I am searching. I am searching for solace and respite from the anxiety that has been running so high lately because of my cat’s declining health, increasing bills, lack of work, and the winter that never wanted to end (surprise: we’re getting more snow tomorrow).

The Bartender had a natural knack that allowed him to calm me. He wouldn’t have understood why it worked had he thought about it, which he never did. He could have expanded on his potential if he wanted to, but he didn’t.

Still, very few people have that sort of calming effect on me whether it’s intuitive or developed. And I could use some of those people now — the type of people with whom I can sit in silence and not vent about because I am so very sick of explaining what’s going on. The type of people whom I can hug or cuddle until the anxiety physically melts from my body, perhaps until I fall asleep.

I have so many people who are willing to listen and some who will spend time with me, but no one who currently fills that role. That’s part of the reason why it was so difficult to let The Bartender go.

And even though I am no longer in love with him and it’s been years since I was, my dreams bring back that rush of feelings. They seep into my waking life, reigniting a passion I thought I had forgotten. Sometimes I have dreams of my ex-husband, vivid dreams fraught with emotion. In many ways, these dreams are the opposite because there’s no respite from my anxiety; these dreams only cause more.

But these dreams are similar in that the emotions that evoke feel real. I wake up remembering what it was like to be in love with these people, to pine over them, to hurt when things ended. The emotional residue from my dreams is strong enough that I wonder if I might somehow still have feelings for these people.

The thoughts can linger for days, and just when it seems they’ve passed, I have another dream.

I wouldn’t act on these thoughts. There’s nothing to be rekindled or more closure to have. But my anxious brain just likes to rehash old hurts, perhaps because it’s easier than dealing with my current stressors.

For now, I dream of the day when those are over.

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Science of Sex: BMI And Birth Control Efficacy

March 30th, 2019

bmi and birth control efficacy

This month’s very late Science of Sex post was motivated by the new Hulu show Shrill, which reminded the world that emergency contraception may not be as effective for overweight people. Specifically, the brand Plan B (also known as the morning after pill) EC is rated up to 175 pounds, which is just over the average weight of an American woman.

The results of a large European study show that the popular form of EC, levonorgestrel 1.5 mg, (Plan B pill) loses its potency in women weighing about 165 pounds and does not work at all in women weighing 175 pounds or more.

There are several theories as to why.

  1. Having more fat makes pills break down more quickly. This makes the medication less effective.
  2. Overweight people have more blood, so more birth control is required to reach ideal blood concentration levels.

Researchers haven’t pinpointed which theory, if either, is correct. All we know is that EC might not be reliable for many people. This was something I learned last year thanks to Reddit, but it’s not something that many people have heard from doctors, pharmacists, or other professionals. Even the manufacturer denies this to be the case.

Fortunately, there is another option: Ella. According to the study, Ella is more effective than Plan B for overweight users, and you can take the pill up to five days later. In comparison, Plan B loses effectiveness after 72 hours. However, you may need a prescription for Ella.

Ella bested Plan B by half, with about 50% fewer pregnancies than those taking levonorgestrel.

Additionally, you may be able to double up on doses of Plan B to increase its effectiveness if you are overweight.

This increased risk of pregnancy doesn’t end with EC. Cochrane examined different studies and found mixed results. The effectiveness of birth control didn’t decrease universally as BMI increased, but the patch and some birth control pills were less effective for overweight and obese users. Shots, implants, and hormonal IUDs were not less effective.

Across the board, IUDs are touted as being the most effective birth control or EC regardless of BMI.

But any contraception is better than none. The European Medicines Association advises that using Plan B is better for overweight people than using no EC. You just need to be aware of the risks.

Further Reading

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March 2019 Media Recommendations

March 29th, 2019

Just when I thought things were finally returning to normal, they.. have not. This month threw me for a loop with my main client taking some time off and some unexpected chest pains. My kitty also has lost more weight than I anticipated since his health issues, and our most recent vet visit was frustrating. The good news? The pain is just a muscle strain… probably from masturbating. I’ve been able to pick up enough work to cover me, too; although, the different payment schedules has thrown me for a loop. And my cat is eating quite well and I think gaining some weight, slowly but surely.

While I am looking forward to April, I enjoyed some quality media in March. The prevailing theme seems to be sex work. I am still reading Revolting Prostitutes, which I hope to finish up soon, and I’ve stumbled across a few more pieces that I found interesting.

Listen

A recent episode of The Science of Sex introduced listeners to Christina Parreira, a graduate student who worked at a brothel to gain information about sex work in America. Looking at the business elements, the characteristics of sex workers, and how safety play into sex work in brothels is super interesting.

Tristan interviews Lora Haddock and Sarah Brown, the women behind Lora Dicarlo, the company that was the CES 2019 Innovation Awards Honoree in the Robotics category only to have the award revoked and be banned from the show in a recent episode of Sex Out Loud Radio. You’ve probably heard about this, and the interview allows the creators to discuss why, yes, their upcoming product actually is a robot and different from traditional vibrators, and why CES was in the wrong but got away with it because the victims were women (and female sexuality).

Sex Out Loud Radio, American Sex, and a few other podcasts are now part of the Pleasure Podcasts collective. I decided to check it out, and it introduced me to Sluts & Scholars podcast. I’ve only listened to a few episodes, but I’ll probably tune in for more. The episode featuring Shira Myrow focuses on emotional intelligence, attachment, and mindfulness while I also enjoyed their discussion with suprihmbé about sex work, people of color, and more. It’s always a good thing to check my white privilege.

Watch

Dr. Doe spent some time in a brothel for a recent episode of Sexplanations. She didn’t spend nearly as much time with the sex workers as Parreira did, so it’s not quite in depth, but it adds a visual to the information that can be helpful.

Journalist Sarah Barmak discusses female sexuality in this Ted Talk. It’s not quite as science-based as some talks, but her points about the orgasm gap, ignorance about anatomy, arousal models, and other often ignored or unknown factors of female sexuality. There’s not much that I considered new or contentious, but the comments show that this information is still controversial and outside the mainstream for many people. I love that she acknowledges asexuals in a way, too.

I’ll hopefully have a few reading recommendations next month after I finish my current book. I honestly need to catch up on what’s been published over the last 6 or so months, so I’ll take any recommendations in the comments! Of course, let me know about any media related to sexuality that’s worth a gander. Thanks!

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