JeJoue Mimi Soft

February 12th, 2019

Seven years ago, I reviewed the original Mimi in a short, lackluster (both in my writing skill and my opinion of the toy) review. The truth was, I always suspected my original Mimi was defective because people loved it. I mean, almost every review was a rave one, and people discussed the strength of the vibrations favorably. I thought little of mine, and while I didn’t really discuss it in my review, I was also underwhelmed with the buttons, which were tiny and difficult to press. You might remember this being an issue with the G-Ki, another JeJoue toy. I also noted that the motor was loud and whiny, another turnoff.

I wound up trading both toys away. I have no idea who has them, but I recall sending away the Mimi with the warning that it may very well be defective. Sorry if you’re the person who wound up with it and if it was.

So, you’re probably wondering why I would try the sophomore version of this vibrator. And the answer, as always, is curiosity. In the past six months, I’ve tried revamped efforts of vibrators by We-Vibe and Fun Factory, so why not this one?

And perhaps I am just a bit of a masochist in this (and other) ways.

But the curiosity has me in its grips, just like this arctic blast. I’ve been wondering if my original Mimi was defective for so long that I just had to give this one a try.

I avoided calling Mimi Soft the “new” version because it’s not, really. JeJoue released it years ago. There have been plenty of reviews. I am late to the game. But I hope that my review will shed a little insight.

Mimi and Mimi Soft look pretty similar. They’re like pebbles that fit in your hand and quite remind me of JeJoue’s Pebble attachment, which I bought and promptly avoided reviewing due to my disappointment. I described the various ways this shape might be helpful in my original Mimi review, but for my purposes, I want to use it against the side of my clit with the toy perpendicular to my body.

For whatever reason, I thought the original was rather triangular. Perhaps it was. Perhaps I was just wrong. The Mimi Soft is definitely rounded, and the soft silicone exterior only adds to this impression. The tip is quite rounded and can easily be depressed with a finger or in use, of course.

I enjoy plush toys like this for clitoral use because I like so much pressure. I really grind the toy against my body and hold it tightly. A bit of plushness means I can apply pressure without worrying about cutting myself but also relieves a bit of stress from my fingers. While the Mimi Soft isn’t nearly as plush as the We-Vibe Wish (and it’s most plush near the tip and not where you’d hold it), this still makes it much more comfortable to hold than the original, which was hard-coated in plastic.

The plushness also lends itself to increasingly firmer use. As I get closer to orgasm, I can push until there’s no more give.

Mimi Soft has buttons similar to the original, which means they’re located on the end, work as the charging connections, are small and sit nearly flush with the toy.  They’re surrounded by a layer of smooth plastic that snugly fits around the buttons. This makes them difficult to press. If you have larger fingers or longer nails, it’s a bit frustrating. I prefer a button that’s more offset from the toy and a bit plush itself. During use, my fingers struggle to find them, and the tiny symbols, and I certainly can barely differentiate between them. Fortunately, the – button is engraved while the + button is embossed, which makes it a bit easier. Still, if your fingers are covered in lube or you’re a bit distracted, the buttons will be frustrating.

These buttons turn the toy on and increase vibrations or power off and decrease, respectively. There’s a third button that cycles through the settings. The design is a no-brainer as long as you know which button you’re pressing. Both Mimi and Mimi Soft have 5 vibration levels, and you can navigate between the 7 pulsation settings with the center button.

I can still remember the feelings that encompassed me with the first Mimi. Paired with the confusion over everyone else’s enjoyment, it was a bitter cocktail. Fortunately, the Mimi soft is more enjoyable. The vibrations, especially the lower 3 settings, seem quite rumbly for the size of this toy. There’s an enjoyable pitter-patter that you can hear when it’s on. The vibrations are nice but not mindblowing.

Any experienced toy user will be unsurprised that the vibrations become buzzier as intensity increases, but the Mimi Soft keeps this to a minimum. Yes, the highest level tickles my hand a bit, but it’s much less buzzy than the highest level Siri 2, for example. And while Siri 2 seems a bit stronger, it also tickles my hand much more uncomfortably while in use. I find the strength of Mimi Soft on the fourth level good enough to get me off and can skip the buzziest, higher level. However, the depth of the vibrations on the lower settings produces some respectable pulsations if you’re into that sort of thing.

Don’t get me wrong, however. The real strength of the Mimi soft lies in its shape and softness. The narrow edge allows for more pinpoint pressure. I don’t so much use the tip as I do the side of the Mimi Soft. although, the tip would provide even more pinpoint stimulation that’s easily under your control.

Another improvement from the original Mimi is the lack of whining motor. The Mimi Soft is a bit loud for its size but not so much that I’d worry about someone hearing it in another room through a closed door, especially if pressed against your body under the covers or with other background noise. Since I’m comparing it with the Siri 2, I have to note that Mimi Soft is the louder of the two by a bit.

All things considered, I’d reach for Mimi Soft over similar toys when I wanted deeper vibrations. I may enjoy it more than my Siris because of the plush angle the side presents. However, it’s thin enough to bother my fingers for marathon sessions, so I’d rather use something larger/rounder if I plan to get off more than a couple of times.

There are many people to whom I would recommend the Mimi Soft as long as their requirements don’t involve penetration or massive amounts of power and assuming the motors of the Mimi and Mimi Soft are the same, I can rest assured that my first was a dud, and I was initially misled.

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Science of Sex: Sexual Harassment in the Field of Sexuality Research

February 9th, 2019

Sexual Harassment in the Field of Sexuality Research

After a hiatus last month, I am back with another installment of Science of Sex. As soon as I read a recent entry in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, I knew I had to write about it.

Titled “Sexual Harassment in the Field of Sexuality Research,” this submission is a guest editorial from Drs. Debby Herbenick and Sari M. van Anders along with Lori A. Brotto, Meredith L. Chivers, Sofia Jawed-Wessel, and Jayleen Galarza.

You might recognize some of these names from a previous Science of Sex post in which I discussed the work done by women in the field of sexuality. I’ve also reviewed Brotto’s book, and it inspired another Science of Sex post.

For those who are unfamiliar, these women are doing groundbreaking work around sexuality. Some have ties to the Kinsey Institute. Along with research, many of them are educators, and some are also authors. If you’re interested in sex and academia, you’ll probably run into their names.

I appreciate their work and share it often. So I was intrigued when a paper was released at the beginning of this month and it was co-authored by multiple people who have earned my respect and admiration.

It wasn’t great news, however. These women have worked hard and provided valuable insight into sexuality. But sexual harassment occurs so frequently and egregiously that they felt they had to talk about it.

They get right to the point:

Our field has a problem with sexual harassment, and we need to talk about it. Though sexual harassment is currently at the forefront of discussions taking place within major social movements, professional societies, and disciplines […], the discipline of sexuality research has—to this point—been largely absent from these discussions.

The editorial continues to break down the issues and to offer possible reasons for such sexual harassment including that the very nature of their work might invite unwanted behavior. I touched on this a bit myself when I wrote about being a sex educator in my own way. This editorial emphasizes how rampant the issue really is.

But our professional sexuality spaces are about our work, not our personal sexualities.

As someone who has dealt with this issue myself, I am not surprised that sexual harassment extends far and wide among those whose careers focus on sexuality. As a woman, I know that sexual harassment and the sexism that allows for it permeates every field and every walk of life.

I was surprised, however, that a group of women and perhaps this group of women stepped forward to say something. Some people might argue that it’s about time or, rather, that “Time’s Up.” With the MeToo movement setting a foundation, there may be no better time for these professionals to air their grievances.

Yet, it still feels brave. I worry that these women will face professional repercussions, personal attacks online, or have their lives otherwise invaded by people who are unwilling to hear these truths. I worry that these voices will be minimized like so many voices that came before them.

I thanked the women on Twitter. Their bravery speaks volumes, and their effort is appreciated by me at least. That effort includes multiple, actionable steps to end sexual harassment in their field. Yet again, these women were forced to do the work that should not be on their shoulder.

I write this month’s post to encourage any of my followers who have not read this guest editorial to do so, to encourage thought and discussion about sexual harassment, and to remind my readers that there is still work to do if we want to create a world where there is no need for this type of editorial, and that work falls on all of us.

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It’s 2019, When Will Sex Toys Deliver on Their High-Tech Promises?

January 8th, 2019

It’s 2019. We’ve reached the age of Back to the Future and Blade Runner. But if you take a look outside, it looks nothing like those dystopian movies have promised. And while we don’t know what the sex toys of the fictional future are supposed to look like, I can’t help but wonder if it would measure up. I know that I personally am a bit disappointed at how sex toys have failed to reach their potential by now.

Why?

I’m glad you asked.

Bluetooth Isn’t Body Compatible

As long as we rely on wireless technology that radiates through the air to connect devices, using them on and in our bodies is going to present a challenge. I’ve had Bluetooth toys that barely connected before I even inserted them let alone remaining connected while inside me, and I’m not holding my phone anywhere near 10 meters away from my vagina (the Bluetooth limit for most mobile devices). It’s enough to make me balk at the idea ever again, and yet, I find myself trying smart toys in hopes they won’t frustrate me.

And remote-controlled vibrators? They’re still ridiculously inconsistent. Every time some poor Redditor asks which remote-controlled vibe is the best because they’re too naive to realize that none of them deserves the title, I feel so bad for them. I shake my head and move along. Everyone has to make their own mistakes, learn their own lessons.

I Don’t Want to Use an App When I’m Fucking Myself — Or Anyone Else

I’ve said it before and I expect to have to reiterate: I don’t want to use an app with my vibrator. I don’t want my germ-covered phone in my lube-covered hand when I’m trying to get off. I don’t want to to have to unlock my phone when it becomes inactive because I was focusing on my clit.

But even if I wasn’t a germophobe, there are plenty of times when masturbating requires two hands. So how will I use the damn toy then?

God forbid the day when the only way you can use a vibrator is to with an app. The buttons will be removed, and I will have no use for the toy other than as a projectile.

Now, if anyone else wants to use an app-controlled toy on me, I might be inclined to let them… as long as the toy is functionally pleasurable. Of course…

Innovation Doesn’t Replace the Need for Quality Vibrations

Does a vibrator have a nice shape? Does it twist or bend into place? That’s great, but don’t forget about the main function: vibration. If a toy has barely-there vibrations or vibrations high-pitched enough that dogs would object (as would I!), there’s no reason for those innovative features. Because I’ll never use it.

Another high-priced paperweight? Sigh. If I must.

Imitation Might Be Flattery, But It’s Also Frustrating

Any time a sex toy manufacturer comes up with anything even remotely innovative, a slew of other companies follow suit, often with lower-priced or inferior products. I wouldn’t expect it any other way, and competition can certainly work for consumers. But when markets become flooded with all of these duplicates, I cannot help but wait for the ties to go back down to a point when I can see anything — anything — else when I log on to my favorite retailers or step into a sex toy store.

You know what I’m talking about. Dozens of companies copied Lelo’s early designs, including various toys for men, but even Lelo has resorted to duplicating the clitoral pulsation/suction toys that were all the rage last year.

Of course, I may sound ungrateful or hopelessly picky. I realize that there are people working incredibly hard behind the scenes, that innovation isn’t easy (otherwise, it would be much more commonplace), and that technology is tricky. Yet, I struggle to think of instances of technology or innovation that has won me over. 

The most recent technological improvement in sex toys that I really enjoyed was Lelo’s oral sex simulator, and I may be in the minority there.

I know that smart toys will change the landscape of Kegel exercisers by providing valuable feedback, but I also know there’s still a lot of ground to cover. I’ve enjoyed pressure-responsive vibrators. Internal batteries have been revolutionary. Yet for every toy that provides pleasure, there are myriad underwhelming vibrators, glitching motors, defective models, and confusing designs to contend with.

When I try something that’s new and unusual, I always wind up saying something like

It’s different, but that’s certainly not a selling point in this case.

The novelty is interesting, but the followthrough is lacking. I wonder what I’ll do with a toy that fails to provide on the very premise that sold us all on it.

The bigger the promise, the harder the reality hits.

And that brings us back around to the reality of sex toy tech in 2019. It’s getting there, sure. I just wish it was moving faster than a snail’s pace.

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The Best and Worst Sex Toys (+Books) of 2018

December 31st, 2018

The Best

Becoming Cliterate

Cat-approved sex education

Unlike previous years, this list is filled mostly with books as I’ve reviewed more books than ever on my blog. I hope you’ve all enjoyed my book reviews. I’ve certainly

enjoyed reading most of them, especially the following.

  • Just Lehmiller’s book Tell Me What You Want details the responses from over 4,000 Americans about their sexual fantasies. You’ll learn what’s common, why we might have some fantasies, how to talk about them, and when fantasies are best left unexplored.
  • Becoming Cliterate is the book I want to recommend for anyone who owns or plays with a clitoris. It has the potential to flip a mediocre sex life on end and provides hands-on advice for the reader and their partner(s).
  • Screamin O managed to surprise me with Scoop, a powerful little vibrator.

G-Vibe 2

This vibrator allowed me to write a scathing review, at least

The Worst

Of course, not everything I tried was fantastic.

  • This is a bit of a cheat because I didn’t write a similar post to wrap up 2017 (there simply weren’t enough contenders), but the Black Line Laya II was my biggest disappointment in years. I now have my hands on the updated Laya II, so expect a comparison review sometime next year.
  • The Lovehoney Short Satin Robe was just boxy and cheap. I didn’t know something so simple could go so wrong.
  • Oh my gaaawd, there was no denying that the GVibe 2 would wind up on my list. A toy claiming to do everything that pretty much did nothing. Please don’t waste your time. I beg of you.
  • Despite positive reviews about toys in this line and the Mini Marvels Marvelous Massager itself, I cannot see myself ever picking up this painful, power-devoid vibrator again.
  • Getting through Sex Outside the Lines was tedious. It was definitely my least favorite sexuality book of the year. The author continuously used hyphen-laden phrases that he seemed to pull out of thin air in a way that I am sure he thought made him look like an authority in the subject. Instead, it just made him look pretentious and out of touch.

Dishonorable Mentions?

I don’t normally do this, but there were a couple things that really stood out in a way that was confusing. First up?

  • GBalls, which worked fine as a device and certainly better than Minna’s kGoal, which has earned my ire on a previous yearend wrapup. The only problem? The app. It needs another proofread. Similar items might be more worth your money simply because of the app experience.
  • As I said in my review, the We-Vibe Wish has left me with conflicting feelings like no other toy before. The rumbly vibrations are so close to perfect yet just a smidge too weak to be a mindblowing toy. Not being able to adjust the vibration is almost torturous. Don’t judge me if I cry.

But this is just my opinion. I’d love to know if any of my readers agree or disagree. Got your own recommendations? Perhaps you want to warn us away from something? Sound off in the comments!

I’d also love to know what you’d like to see me review next year.

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We-Vibe Wish

December 30th, 2018

Honestly?

I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so conflicted about a sex toy.

There have been toys that I wanted to love and didn’t.

But this? I don’t even know, you guys.

I didn’t expect to like it. But the thing is? I almost love it. It’s so close.

If We-Vibe’s Wish clitoral vibrator were a movie, it would be Batman Vs. Superman. It’s not universally liked, but I saw glimpses of genius that, if allowed to come to fruition, would have made it a masterpiece.

I feel strongly enough that I would fight you just to make sure you acknowledge that, yes, there are some amazing aspects to this creation.

But I know that it falls short, that the criticism makes sense. But this vibrator has touched me somewhere besides my clitoris. It has a hold on me that I cannot deny.

So let’s jump right on. The Wish is a bold blue external vibrator that looks something like an asymmetrical stone. It’s larger than you might think from photos alone (4 inches long and almost 3 wide), especially if you have no banana for comparison. While it curves, ostensibly to fit in your hand, it’s definitely a little too big to be described as palm-sized.

I find the larger size is easier on my fingers than, say, the Pebble or Lelo’s Lily or any of those actually-stone-sized vibrators.

It has variable height (more than an inch thick in most places) and width along with a tapered tip. It’s coated in a pillow of silicone that makes it soft to the touch and further eases strain on my fingers. But the rigid skeleton is ungiving. I can get the pressure I need without any pain.

During use, I find myself lifting the back end a bit to rub the tip quickly back-and-forth. The control button is on the “butt'” of the toy, an ideal location for thumb usage in my opinion. I don’t actually like when buttons are on top of toys because that’s where I push with my fingers for pressure.

When it comes to vibrations? I was impressed. They’re pleasantly rumbly and deep. They’re broad. This is thanks to the two motors. I am sure anyone who loves the Tango might be intrigued by the Wish because of this. More on that later.

We-Vibe even describes this vibrator as similar to a wand.

Except it’s not.

A wand usually has steady settings over which you have control. That is not the case with the Wish.

You get nice and warmed up, you’re having a good time, and then.. the vibrations change.

It’s no longer a steady vibration; it’s a pulsation.

You haven’t changed anything, however. It seems like the first three settings are steady vibrations, but then it switches up to a pulse randomly.

You can try to coerce an orgasm out if it’s not ruined by the changeup. But that may not always be possible. You may be back at square one because the vibrator randomly decided to change what it was doing.

Now, I know that my readers will want me to compare this with the Tango or Touch. The Tango offers much more pinpoint stimulation. The Wish has a better shape than the Touch for me (I bought one from Babeland in Seattle and regret trying it.. again). The vibrations of the Wish are significantly deeper and stronger than either of those due to the twin motors.

But there’s another potential issue with this as reported by Epiphora: the dual motors sometimes result in a glitch that may not be noticeable by everyone. The motors may stop vibrating in unison.

I say this because I didn’t necessarily notice in use. So I sat the toy on the sofa next to me as I wrote my review and..

What. the. actual. fuck.

After a few minutes, I heard/felt the vibrations become out of sync. The Wish becomes much louder. And then it started crackling?

This lasted only a brief moment before it goes back to normal. The glitch feels like an odd trill and, you know what? I kinda like it. But that crackling? That would be ridiculously alarming during use.

And the Wish isn’t that quiet, to begin with.

My experiences with the Wish thus far have been.. polarizing to say the least. The first time, I coerced out an orgasm after a surprisingly-long amount of time. I tossed the vibrator on my dresser in frustration.

The second time I used it could not have been more different. For whatever reason, that pulsation didn’t kick in right away. It happened only once as I was well on my way to getting off, and it didn’t happen again. I was able to cum easily a second time because it didn’t take long, and the toy stayed at steady vibrations the entire time.

Basically, there’s no way to know when the vibrations will start to pulse and if that will be a help or hindrance to your pleasure.

What are you thinking, We-Vibe? Why would you do this to us? What do we ever do to you to deserve this?!

The company tries to explain how this is a good thing by lauding their “PowerPulse” technology. Yet, I am not alone when I say that this is frustrating. And I seem to have had a better experience than many.

On top of the frustrating PowerPulse settings, the other settings just seem kind of useless.

WeWibe Wish modes

Those first three settings just look frustrating, don’t they?

I’m also hesitant about the single button. If this only had the three PowerPulse settings, that wouldn’t be a huge deal. But with 10 settings, that’s a lot of button pushing. And the button on Wish isn’t exactly user-friendly.

I mean, it seems like it should be. It looks pronounced enough, all right. But it’s actually stiffer than it appears and you have to press it in exactly the right location to get it to work.

I found myself surprised to be fumbling over this button. I can usually call which buttons will be problematic. I did not expect this one to be.

You may also want to know that to actually turn the toy off, you need to cycle through all of the settings. Otherwise, holding it for two seconds pauses it on the last-used setting. It’s more like pause than turning it off. This might be useful if the toy didn’t blink while it was de-activated.

I don’t want to use up battery for a useless light, and blinking lights in my home annoy the shit out of me.

And, okay, it works with the app. Not that you need an app if your sex toy only has one mode I’ll ever use, and it’s a disappointment at that.

I think all my readers know that I don’t want to mess around with that, though. When I’m masturbating, I want a hand on myself, my partner, my toy — not my phone. The very idea grosses me out, to be honest. One of those things is a breeding ground for germs.

So I didn’t even try it.

Yes, this vibrator is waterproof. But I have to like a toy to want to bring it into the shower or bath with me. And you need fairly strong vibrations to overpower the sensation of the water.

I… just.. ugh.

So what do I want from We-Vibe? I pretty much want a Wish II that’s nearly identical save for replacing the PowerPulse with steady vibration. Maybe simply let the user activate PowerPulse with the button should they choose to. Fun Factory has some toys with a dedicated boost button, and I don’t see why this wouldn’t work here. Perhaps add steady vibration (I’d be okay with a single mode as long as it were the highest strength) to the list of modes.

But if We-Vibe added any settings, they should add a second button to make it easier to cycle through them.

I have to tell you, though, if We-Vibe released the Wish with a few settings that I actually want, I’d be okay with the finicky button. I’d power through it, and that toy might become my new favorite because I absolutely love the strength and depth of the vibrations, the large size for a clitoral toy, the tapered tip, and curved shape, and the plush silicone that surrounds the toy.

It should be clear by now that I am torn over the Wish. Will I keep it and use it? Yes. I expect I’ll have many orgasms with it, and plenty will be fantastic.

But there’s a reason so many sentences, including this one, start with a “but.” It’s inconsistent. I also expect I will have some frustrating masturbation sessions, perhaps some ruined or miserable orgasms.

I’m basically describing an abusive relationship with a sex toy, and no one wants that.

My please to We-Vibe is this: you know what I want. Now give me the option to give you money for it. Please?

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December 2018 Media Recommendations

December 29th, 2018

By the time you see this, most of the December holidays will have passed. I hope that you enjoyed them, along with time with your loved ones. At the very least, I hope people have time free time, which you could perhaps use to enjoy some of the recommendations below.

Watch

  • I came across Gurit E. Birnbaum’s recent TED Talk because she posted a transcript on Psychology Today. In her video, she discusses the myriad reasons humans recognize for having sex that go well beyond procreation.
  • A dummy’s guide to how the world regulates sex work in three minutes” is exactly what the title suggests. It’s not a deep dive, but it might encourage you to look into how sex workers operate in some locations.
  • I’ve been rewatching The L Word. I suspect many of my readers have enjoyed this, but it’s interesting to watch it in 2018 and with a more critical eye to see some of the negatives in the show. I don’t recall hating Jenny nearly this much the first time around, but I also don’t think I finished the series. So many events seem to be occurring for the first time for me.
  • Also, while non-related, Travelers (Netflix) and Marvel’s Runaways (Hulu) have returned with new seasons, and I’ve been enjoying both of them a lot.

Listen

This was such a great month for podcasts. I’ve been trying to branch out from the ones that I listen to the most and, as such, tend to frequently recommend. There have been more misses than hits, but the strong episodes really stuck with me.

  • This first recommendation isn’t a new release, but it’s definitely worth listening to (and there’s also a full transcript if you prefer to read). This American Life’s episode on the 81 words about homosexuality in the DSM, the book that defines mental disorders, tell how being gay went from being pathologized to generally being accepted after the entry was finally edited. There’s some information about the gay professionals who helped make this happen that I especially appreciated.
  • I started listening to Let’s Do It with Alex and Liz just this week. I’ve only listened to two episodes, but the very first one I had a chance to listen to blew me away. The hosts invited Teddy Cook, a health promotion specialist who attended the AIDS2018 conference in Amsterdam this year and reported on the latest research into HIV and AIDS. There’s been good news, some of which I’ve shared on social media; although, there are some frustrating trends.
  • This week, Science VS looked into the “science of being transgender.” Like many of us already know, it’s complicated. This episode explains some of the basics as well as the more complex interplay between hormones, our brains, genitals, and gender identity in an easy-to-digest format. The results might frustrate some transphobes but, hey, it’s science.
  • Another new podcast that I checked out is Two Married Sluts. Hosts Tristan and Bowie recently discussed taking a break from polyamory in the interest of self-care. I suspect some of my readers will find this useful. Even if you’re not poly, the advice rings true for other situations and types of relationships. It also ends with some sexy recaps.

I’ve been focusing on finishing up book’s I’d previously started as well as catching up on those for review, so there are no new reading recommendations this month. However, I’ll soon be starting some new reading material, so you can expect some next month.. if they’re any good.

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Science of Sex: Finger Length and Sexual Orientation (The 2D:4D Ratio)

December 22nd, 2018

More than fifteen years ago, when I was still in high school, I had heard there was something about your hand shape that could be linked to being gay. I’d heard this repeated throughout the years but always in a way that indicated it was an urban legend, simply a myth. Why did I think this way? Because no one discussed the science; they just held up their hands and explained this fact.

This month’s Science of Sex explains the theories about why hand shape and, specifically, finger length correlates with gay orientations. I hope you enjoy learning a little more about physical and sexual development if you, too, had heard about this phenomenon before and had wondered whether it was true or how.

Science of sex finger length orientation 2d:4d ratio

Researcher Jonathon Manning was the first to notice a correlation between finger length and homosexuality in men. He wrote about how men having a ring finger that’s longer than an index finger (rather than the index finger being longer or both fingers being the same length) can be an indicator of sexual orientation. This high ratio (greater than 1), known as the 2D:4D ratio, is typically more common in women than in men.

But there are a few caveats.

First, we’re talking about the right hand specifically. Secondly, measurements should be taken from the crease to best compare overall finger length. Third, to reiterate, the high ratio is already prevalent in women, so this measurement applies less to them (although, you’ll discover that it does highlight some interesting traits).

This doesn’t mean that you should assume you’re gay if your ring finger is longer, but it might be an indication of biology at play if you don’t identify as straight.

Why does this happen? Researchers know that hormones such as testosterone and estrogen affect our development in the womb. A longer ring finger is connected to the influence of testosterone (a type of androgen) in utero. A lower ratio, which is typical of straight men, corresponds to greater testosterone influence in the womb. The interplay between testosterone and estrogen during this stage is also important.

You might remember that testosterone which encourages skeletal growth. This is why men tend to be taller and have defined Adam’s apples; testosterone spurts during puberty cause this. But finger length is visible at birth, unlike changes that don’t occur until puberty.

Finger length is just one thing that can be affected by hormones in utero. Research suggests, that on average, a gay man’s brain is a bit more feminized than a straight man’s, and that a gay woman’s brain tend to be a bit more masculinized. Of course, there is great variety not just between the sexes but in a single sex, so it is not accurate to say that a game man has the brain of a straight woman. You have to consider the spectrum.

However, there are other ways in which gay men and women are more similar to straight women and men, respectively. Gay men and straight women tend to do better when it comes to verbal measures, and gay men are also more similar to women when it comes to being dependent on landmarks, not direction, when navigation or providing directions. Young gay boys even gravitate toward individual sports rather than team sports.

Higher exam scores, increased neuroticism, better visual recall (in women), and improved literacy also correlates with a greater testosterone influence in utero. There are also some risks from increased testosterone exposure, including an increased risk of prostate cancer as well as lower sperm count, increased risk of heart disease and obesity (in men), and increased risk of mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, alcohol dependence, and bulimia.

Many of these differences exist even in children; although, some people wonder whether children who are more ‘sex typical’ who later identify as gay may trace their sexual roots more to childhood events than fetal development.

The potential differences and risks I’ve listed above occur to a high 2D:4D ratio. But it’s not just the high ratio that matters. Bisexual men, for instance, have a lower ratio than gay men. Lesbians also tend to have a lower digit ratio, indicating a decreased preference for a masculinized partner, than straight women. However, a high ratio in women correlates to identifying as femme rather than butch.

Amazingly, scientists have been able to study women who were identical twins where one was gay, and the other was not. The differences persist.

A low digit ratio even corresponds with an interest in polygamy.

This research indicates not just the biological differences between gay, straight and bisexual people, but also the significant impact of hormones during our fetal development. The more I read about this, the more I realize that a ton of research supports these theories.

However, I would love to see more research on bisexual men and women specifically — not just because I am one.

Additional Reading

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