Happy Down Below: Everything You Want to Know About the Penis and Other Bits

September 10th, 2018

I spent an awful lot of time learning — and teaching about — female genitalia. I talk about where it is, what it does, how it works, and how to interact with the various bits and bobbles. Like most aspects of human sexuality, a (cis) woman’s sexuality, is ignored. So I feel there’s a good reason for me to harp about vulvas and vagina, clitorises and cervixes, and everything in between.

Despite more attention being paid to the penis, its testicular friends, and the neighboring prostate, there’s a wealth of knowledge that is unknown (perhaps forgotten), and I came face to face with it in Happy Down Below, a book about the penis by German urologist Dr. Oliver Gralla. I was continually surprised by what I learned in this book. It was the type of knowledge you can only glean through an active career in your field, and the good doctor shares the knowledge-through-experience he’s had treating UTIs, infertility, erectile dysfunction, foreskin, and other topics.

Happy Down Below starts strong, with Dr. Gralla writing about how little most (cis) men know about their penises. Phew, at least it’s not just me.

However, the book slowed down a bit as the doctor introduced the reader to the penis, which included information about average sized (old news pour moi), the definition of and possible solutions to having a micropenis, and a rundown of all the parts. Toward the end of the chapter are sections on spots, warts, and other unwanted conditions of the penis. This first chapter is somewhat confusingly arranged, and it left me wondering what the actual point of it was. At nearly 50 pages, the first chapter is lengthy, and it could easily have been split up for clarity of theme.

Peppered throughout this book are stories from Dr. Gralla’s career or his colleagues’. The stories range from unbelievable (patients inserting ball bearings into their urethra until they fill the bladder) to grotesque (doctors using parts of corpses to enlarge the penis and patients injecting caulk into their penises). These stories appear almost immediately in Happy Down Below, which help to break up some of the older information or drive home a point that the author is making.

These anecdotes weren’t enough to keep me enthralled through the confusing first chapter; although, things perked up as Dr. Gralla discussed prostate issues that are often kept in the dark. I was especially struck by the fact that most elderly men will die with prostate cancer that has never been detected or interfered in their lives. The doctor makes pragmatic arguments about when and how to treat prostate issues, and his pragmatic nature plays a large role in his work and this book. For example, there are times when he admits to treating patients suffering from psychological issues about their sexual performance with drugs that have no effect, beneficial or otherwise, to facilitate the placebo effect. This sort of thing seems bizarre to someone raised in litigious America, but I cannot help but give his doctor credence.

This book picks up in the third chapter, which focuses on women’s urology. Dr. Gralla sees few women, but the ones he does see have typically struggled with consistent UTIs. The book continues to pick up traction as Galla writes about infertility and the couples with whom he has worked. This chapter offers insight into the mistakes people make (steaming your penis multiple times daily will not help you conceive) that decrease fertility how often patients misunderstand doctors and instructions. There was a brief tip about how sex closer to ovulation is more likely to conceive a boy child, which I found interesting.

Of course, it only makes sense that a book like this includes information about male contraception, but Dr. Gralla only discusses current options such as condoms and vasectomies. It’s interesting to learn about the efficacy of vasectomy reversal, but it would be nice to know what the future might hold, too.

Dr. Gralla does make some good points as he discusses erectile dysfunction, which has an appearance of being on the rise, especially in young men. But this may not be the truth. It’s perhaps easy to forget about the ways that men struggle, but Dr. Gralla has dealt with patients as young as 14 who wanted to better please their lovers. And while I wouldn’t call sexual curiosity a struggle, it certainly leads to problems that were entertaining enough to read (some complete with hydraulic pliers or bolt cutters).

Gralla does due diligence to various methods for dealing with ED before launching into a chapter on premature ejaculation where he similarly relays solutions. By now, the formula is apparent enough that you get a feel for how the chapter on hormones and testosterone will read; explanatory and interesting with a few entertaining tales and a couple of lackluster moments.

If you’re not sold on the educational merits of Happy Down Below, you might like the final chapter, in which Dr. Gralla discusses things that wound up in the orifices of his patients. Lost dildos, tree boughs, matches, and a bladder full of ball bearings all make an appearance here. This chapter is so bad you can’t look away.. if that’s how you react to that sort of thing. It doesn’t follow the formula of the preceding chapters, which I didn’t mind. Dr. Gralla tackles the subject with humor, so Happy Down Below does end on a lighthearted note.

As I read Happy Down Below, I couldn’t help but detect something a bit old-fashioned about Dr. Gralla., especially in his humor He is noticeably from a generation older than mine, and some of his comments highlight over mindsets or reflect cliches and stereotypes that are no longer readily accepted. This bothered me more toward the beginning of the book, but either I became accustomed to it, or it lessened as the book went on. Likely both.

It’s difficult to say who the target audience of this book is. At some parts in Happy Down Below, Dr. Gralla offers advice to readers who might be struggling with the specific issues he’s encountered during his career. At others, his advice is better targeted at medical practitioners. There were points when I simply enjoyed learning new things the way I do when I read any medical/science book. While I think it’s good for books to have a wide audience, sometimes a niche makes it easier to market or just recommend.

I did it enjoy this book for the most part and felt like I learned quite a bit. It was a quick and easy read even if you don’t.

I wouldn’t use it as an encyclopedia, but it wouldn’t hurt to pick up this book if you like books by doctors/professionals about their careers, want to know more about urological health in laymen’s terms than medical jargon, and want to be prepared for possible future complications with your genitals. Happy Down Below would likely be a good book for many (cis) men to pick up; although, I cannot help but wonder whether they would.

You can buy this book on Amazon. At the time of writing this review, there’s a coupon that will automatically be added to your cart!

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Finding Myself in Faraway Lands

September 4th, 2018

I normally don’t post explicit about my “real” life on this blog, but my recent vacation includes some wonderful expressions of sexuality and personality that I wanted to reflect on.

As someone who lives in a small midwestern city, there’s not a lot of sex positivity to be found. Our sex stores are sleazy. I am not sure that you could ask about “body-safe” toys and get a helpful answer. You’re most definitely better off shopping online.

But one of my must-see stops in Seattle was Babeland, where I knew I would finally use gift cards that I’ve had nigh on a decade (and I did, on We-Vibe Touch). The Seattle location isn’t the flagship store, and it was smaller than expected. Still, it was a dream come true for a sex nerd and toy lover like myself (my Facebook check-in read “Dreams do come true!”). I also appreciated the vintage vibrators that had on display.

A few blocks down the road sits a bondage shop (Doghouse Leathers) staffed by folks who clearly participate in the leather community. It was not only larger than Babeland but the largest storefront I’ve seen dedicated specifically to BDSM. The smell of leather was heavenly as it washed over me; although, nothing begged me to take it home. Alas.

Both of these stores sit in Capitol Hill, Seattle’s gay neighborhood (is gayborhood too cute here??). It boasted the occasional rainbow crosswalk, and drag queens crossed the street, bedazzled and bejeweled as if it were nothing to bat a perfectly-applied lash at. Capitol Hill was a safe place for anyone who might not be cis or straight, but it also provided a place for anyone to express their sexuality in a positive and inclusive place. It was far for home as I could be, and yet it was more welcoming than I could have imagined.

I could have stayed all day if the walking wasn’t killing my back and feet. I returned to the hostel (Aside: when I mentioned staying in a hostel, one of my friends assumed I meant brothel instead. Chuckles ensued.) with a new sex toy and a feeling as though I had come within inches of my tribe and shared in energy that is only available to me here when I sign on to Twitter. It may sound corny, but I recently discovered Oprah’s “A-ha moment,” which occurs when something resonates with you and your consciousness recognizes it (Oprah’s words, not mine).

I attempted to fill my time on vacation with more things that would strike that cord within myself, but the stars just didn’t aline. I would have loved to attend a burlesque show, go to a sex club, or learn something new at a BDSM class, but time was limited. After having visited a few stores (as well as all of the tourist hotspots, the planetarium, and the cemetery), I felt my energy waning. Perhaps it was for the best that I didn’t try to add anything more to my schedule.

There’s always next time, I suppose, when I am in Seattle. Or Chicago. Or Minneapolis. Or wherever I decide to travel. When a small town girl from the Midwest is able to step out of her comfort zone and into the arms of something bigger, welcoming and somehow familiar despite its exotic status, that can only be found in certain places.

Until then, there’s always here.

This post contains sponsored links. All opinions are my own.

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10th Anniversary Giveaway Winners

September 3rd, 2018

I know that my giveaway ended two weeks ago, but I left for vacation a day later, and I didn’t want to rush picking and notifying the winners, so I waited. It didn’t occur to me when I posted the giveaway that it ended so closely to my vacation or that if I waited, Labor Day would sneak up on us. But there you have it.

The picking process was a bit odd. As I got down to the last few items, it was difficult to ascertain who would really like it — or even qualified based on shipping restrictions. While randomness played a bigger role for the first few winners, the latter ones required a bit more finesse. While I initially thought there would be ten winners, I forgot to take into consideration that some prizes had multiple winners.

So I wound up with 18 winners! Way more than I anticipated. And I was still able to give multiple prizes as a first, second, and third prize, then a number of individuals who won a single prize each.

I have already contacted all of the winners and sponsors. So if you did not receive an email, you, unfortunately, were not a winner. I appreciate everyone who participated and would like to give you a rundown of the numbers before I announce winners.

First, I had 420 participants and nearly 10,000 entries. It was initially over 10,000, but I had to delete some for cheating. I saw very little cheating in the beginning, but once the giveaway hit Reddit, I was invalidating entries and deleting a few entrants every day. This is probably partially due to people who saw only the Gleam form and not the blog post, which further explained some options.

The most used entry options were “What prize do you want?,” following me on Twitter and visiting on Facebook, and visiting sponsors on IG. I find this interesting because the Instagram options were closer to the middle of the entry list than the top, and I personally don’t use it.

Options that required input were less popular. Participants were much more likely to tell me how they found the giveaway than answer a poll about their favorite features or comment on the blog, for example. While I got some consistent replies to my QOTD on Twitter, many people misunderstood that option.

I actually had the fewest entries for the options that meant the most to me, but this giveaway really provided me with a way to better connect with my followers, which is what I wanted. I found myself a bit frustrated at some of the suggestions for Science of Sex topics as most of them were completely unscientific, and a few I had already covered LOL.

II got the fewest responses when I asked y’all to Meme My Cat, but those who did were amazing. Just look at this one:

You can see more entries herehere, and here. For some reason, it’s not showing all the entries when you click the hashtags.

This leads me to the last entry type: design your own. I think I stole this idea from Epiphora, but I really wanted to let my readers run free to show me how much they wanted to win and to express themselves.

The winner of this is ClaraSol20, who submitted the AMAZING artwork below. She titled this “Can’t Have Fun Without the Funds.” Click to expand.

ClaraSol design your own entry

ClaraSol’s artwork made her the clear winner of the grand prize

 

ClaraSol was also actively engaged on Twitter and the blog, so I was glad she was the winner!

I rewarded her with four items instead of three:

  • Fun Factory Layaspot
  • 4-Point Restraint Kit
  • Come As You Are By Emily Nagoski
  • Bondage Boutique Seduce Me Lover’s Bed Bondage Kit

The rest of the winners were more randomly chosen through Gleam.

The second-place winner is blogger Makeupandsin who won:

  • Ultimate Erotic Massage
  • Medium Unicorn Horn dildo
  • Red Velvet and Absinthe

Heather was the third-place winner and walked away with

  • Superior Blue Glass Double-ended Dildo by Chrystalino
  • The Good Vibrations Guide to the G-spot

The rest of the winners each one a single item.

  • Athena – Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life by Justin Lehmiller
  • Cleo – Scoop vibrator
  • Rachel- Sex Q&A
  • Will – $50 from PinkCherry
  • George – Pleasure Works dildo
  • Joe- $100 to SheVibe
  • Michael- Neon Wand kit
  • Wesley – Fun Factory Lady Bi
  • Gatien – BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism
  • Sandor – BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism
  • Marianna – BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism
  • Todd – Tickle My Tush by Sadie Allison**
  • Lauriann – Sexually dominant woman**
  • Amanda – Mistress Manual**
  • Courtney – Sex Outside the Lines by Chris Donaghue**

If you see your name on this list but haven’t been contacted, you can email me with your shipping address, including name and the name of your prize. Otherwise, I will choose new winners in 72 hours.

Thanks everyone for participating. I can’t wait until next year!

**I am waiting on responses from several winners, so someone else may still be in the running.

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August 2018 Sex Media Recommendations

August 25th, 2018

I’ve been excited to post this ever since I posted the first one. The blog format works a little better than social media since posts stay on the front page where you can see them longer. Plus, I often come across great content but am not able to immediately share it, so my readers and followers never get that recommendation. I find that knowing I want to recommend media makes me think more critically about what I am watching or reading and how it might apply to my followers, too. Finally, there’s a bit of accountability. If I want to have things to include, I need to make sure I am keeping myself educated.

Reading

I am currently reading The Loving Dominant by John Warren. I’ve had it long enough that I don’t even recall when I bought it. Although, my Amazon history surely knows. I know there’s a more recent edition than mine (second, revised in 2000), and I would recommend that to anyone who might want to check out this book, which tackles both the physical and psychological responsibilities of being dominant. Mine seems a bit dated in ways that I assume the 2008 version wouldn’t.

I don’t normally read as many books about sex as I did last month, but I already have another one to review sitting in front of me, and I am excited about it. Here’s hoping it winds up on next month’s list.

Watching

This month, I finally decided to use my new rope, which means tutorials. Although I didn’t buy Twisted Monk rope (soon!), I headed to their tutorials on Youtube. I especially enjoy how the tutorials show a few modifications for different body types and abilities.

Naomi Wolf and Jim Pfaus talk sex in this Youtube video from a conference at Concordia University. They touch on desire, how the brain responds to sexual cues, the interplay between chemicals and culture, and more. The video was posted in 2013, but it still has useful information if you have time to watch it.

Listening

While last month’s list included a bunch of sex-specific podcasts, I switched things up a bit this month by listening to podcasts that happened to do some amazing episodes about sex, even though the podcast theme isn’t necessarily human sexuality.

First, we have the Gonad series from RadioLab, which includes some episodes that delve into the science of gender and just how complicated it really is. The episodes go far deeper than chromosomes, and I learned a few things that I could not help but share.

Secondly, I started and proceeded to listen to every episode of Science Vs, a podcast hosted by an adorable Australian woman that takes an unbiased look at a variety of topics. I really enjoy the show and am so sad it’s in between seasons. There are episodes about circumcision, the G-spot, birth control, sex addiction, and more. But they’re all worth listening to.

Another podcast by the same company is Reply All, which focuses on Internet-related topics. The podcast episode about the consequences of the FBI’s seizure of Backpage.com is incredibly revealing.

Do you read, watch or listen to anything related to sex this month that you want to share? Sound off in the comments!

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Make love to your long distance lover online

Scoop

August 17th, 2018

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. 

The last few reviews focused on items that are available to win from my anniversary giveaway, and this post is no different. Well, it’s a little different: it’s not for a book. The focus of this is a newish vibrator from Company Screaming O.

This toy is also a bit of a departure for ScreamingO, a company you may know better for vibrating cock rings that are generally single-use and, well, kind of chintzy. I have used a similar toy exactly once, and that might have been too much. It wasn’t by ScreamingO, but I decided that the concept of the flimsy ring with attached bullet was worth no one’s time. In my head, I associated low-quality rings with a low-quality company.

So what made me change my mind and decide to review the Scoop for Screaming O?

  1. The shape really caught my eye. I enjoy clitoral stimulators, but it’s been years since once really did it for me.
  2. Scoop is a rechargeable toy — it’s right there in the tagline.
  3. It’s made from TrueSilicone, which I assumed means silicone (more on that in a bit)
  4. This is not a single-use toy
  5. The price of Scoop is quite affordable (you can currently buy it for $44 from SheVibe!). I know my readers want to know if there are affordable toys that are worth it

I think we can break it down by those points pretty much.

The shape of the Scoop reminds me of a large tongue. It’s much thicker at the base and curves and tapers toward the tip, which is a wide “point.” Scoop looks quite plush, and the silicone is dense. I would hesitate to call it soft because it’s so dense. There’s some give at the tip, but I honestly suspected it to be softer. You can use the Scoop with a lot of pressure without doing any damage, however. A toy such as the Tango feels much sharper when I press it against my body.

However, the Scoop’s shape does fail to really wow me. Perhaps the rounded edge lacks something pinpoint or the density of the tip dulls the pressure and sensation. Another reviewer mentioned using Scoop on its side rather than the tip.

The rounded base makes the Scoop easy to hold, and the single button is just as easy to use. However, it’s near the base in a location that I just don’t love. I actually wish the button was closer to the tip. I don’t know if I am alone in this, but buttons located near the base of toys have almost always been awkward for me.

The Scoop is curious from other vibrators in one way, however: when you press the button to turn it on, it jolts into life after you hold the button. I mean, the vibrator actually seems to jump. It doesn’t take away from use, but it does make the Scoop seem like it lacks a bit of finesse. The vibrations of this toy are moderately rumbly at first.

Scoop has twenty functions, and you need to press the lone button to cycle through each of them. Although you can simply hold the button to turn it off, there’s no easy way to cycle through the settings. And to move past steady vibration, you need to press the button ten times. I have never needed ten separate modes of vibration, and the higher ones are impossibly buzzy and blend together.

I am used to this with vibrators but wish it wasn’t the case. My hand absorbs a lot of the vibrations during use. The vibrations are strongest on the inside of the scoop and not the tip, perhaps because of the density of the silicone. This isn’t the spot I’d imagine most people would press against their sensitive parts. It’s particularly awkward for clitoral use but could work for nipple stimulation.

  • Slow pulsation
  • Pulsation that increases in speed until a steady vibration
  • Medium pulsation
  • Medium-fast pulsation
  • Zippy pulsation followed by a trill
  • Fastest pulsation
  • Long pulsation
  • Short, fast pulsation that almost feels steady
  • Medium pulsation followed by steady vibration
  • A number of medium pulsation followed by two bursts of the fast pulsation that almost feels steady

These all seem similar to describe, and they feel that way, too. Y’all know that I’ve never been a huge fan of settings, but someone who enjoyed them would likely find them too similar and be annoyed by having to press the button the Scoop twenty times to get to a single one. It would be nice if Scoop remembered the last-used setting.

According to the description, you can get an hour’s use out of the Scoop. I didn’t time it, exactly. It’s in that range. But there’s a definite loss of power as it happens. Some vibrators do promise longer use time, however. I also find the charger finicky. Scoop is like a few vibrators that simply have a hole in the silicone that covers the port and makes the toy waterproof. The plug doesn’t always line up (you’ll know because the LED lights up), and it usually takes me two attempts to line it up. Not a huge deal, but a little annoying.

My next concern is one shared by many: what the hell is True Silicone™? If it’s actually silicone, how is it trademarked — and why? Many toy lovers and bloggers are tired of the gimmicks. Screaming O sent me a data sheet that showed at True Silicone had been tested by a lab, but I was still curious. So I lit it on fire or, rather, I tried. The Scoop passed the flame test without a mark. I just wish ScreamingO was more transparent.

Despite some of my qualms about the Scoop, I think it is a decent option, especially at under $50. It’s not perfect, and it takes a lot to get me off with the Scoop. I think this is mostly a shape issue, and I now wonder if perhaps the Moove might be a better toy for me shape-wise. At the very least, I would be open to trying other ScreamingO toys, so I think the company is headed in the right direction (if stumbling there).

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Science of Sex: How Science Got Sex Wrong

August 11th, 2018

Although I’ve dedicated most of this series to the awesome research being done about sexuality as well as those who take the time to study it. In some ways, the field is lagging behind other scientific endeavors, so every little bit counts. However, I am going to make a departure in this post and discuss the missteps science has taken when it comes to sex.

Check out previous Science of Sex posts here.

how science got sex wrong

Science is really a process and scientists as a group does not always agree. But sometimes these mistakes have been costly, traumatic even. As I type those words, the specific error that comes to mind is the listing of homosexuality in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. For years, being gay wasn’t an accepted orientation; rather, it was a mental health condition. It wasn’t until DSM III when homosexuality was removed entirely.

The same edition of the DSM was the one to back off the idea that sadomasochism might not be a red flag for mental health issues, either. Although, it wasn’t until the DSM 5 that BDSM was reorganized as a unusual sexual interest and not a disorder. Since then, studies have shown that kinksters are not more mentally unhealthy than everyone else and may even be healthier in some respescts!

Speaking of disorders that were reclassified with the publication of DSM 5, gender identity disorder has only recently been reclassified as “gender dysphoria.”

The inclusion of homosexuality in the DSM was the very metric by which people were allowed to gaslight and stigmatize anyone who wasn’t straight. People whose sexual orientations and interests could land them in an asylum or potential prison. These inclusions affected whether — and how — medical and mental health professionals treated patients, and some people were reluctant to seek medical help because of that.

You simply can’t treat a human humanely when their natural sexual proclivities are listed in the book that doctors use to diagnose people.

Although the people who created and updated the DSM are more recently guilty of this, it’s not a new occurrence. We all learned about Freud, the Oedipus complex and how people can get stuck in certain development stages never to reach their full potential as adults. However, the more you learn about psychology, the more you realize that Freud was wrong about everything least of all sex.

Freud was the one who championed the idea that women who orgasmed from clitoral stimulation were achieving orgasm in a lesser way because they were stuck in one of those latent phases. In fact, most women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm (and many prefer it even during intercourse). We now know there’s nothing wrong if a woman doesn’t orgasm from penetration alone. This ideology has been repeated for years, and even in 2018, women strive to orgasm the “right’ way, as if their body’s abilities and pleasure are lesser when derived from clitoral stimulation. Did I mention how it contributed to the willful ignorance of female sexuality as a legitimate research subject?

It’s hard to break old habits, but there are hurdles even when researchers are using fact and science to explore sexuality. More recently, for instance, a study concluded that over 2/3 of the improvement in female sexual dysfunction could be attributed to placebo and not to the medications that were being tested. You might recall that both Emily Nagoski and Lori Brotto argue that medication may not be the best treatment for female sexual dysfunction (which is poorly defined, to begin with).

Aside from the efficacy of treatments, researchers must contend with self-reporting: many studies simply ask people about their sex lives and must rely on participants to answer honestly and completely. This has led to some interesting discrepancies. Time after time, men report having more sexual partners than women. A new study suggests that the way men count partners (estimating versus women’s’ actual counting) and qualify sexual activities accounts for much of this discrepancy.

But it goes further than that: people are terrible at remembering how much sex they actually have. One study revealed that people ‘remember’ having sex twice as often as they actually did it!

Even if people were perfectly honest and reliable, it’s important to examine just who is responding to these studies. Are these people more sexual or more willing to discuss sex (you can join a sex study, too)? Does this skew the numbers? And are these studies representative of the actual population? Sex, orientation, and skin color of people in surveys may not correspond to real life. Many researchers statistically analyze their results because of this, but not all surveys are created (or analyzed) the same.

I’m already over 700 words and have yet to mention small sample sizes, lack of control groups, and conclusions that ignore real experiences. Nor have I discussed the click-bait headlines and titles painted with broad strokes when journalists simply want clicks and not true understanding of human sexuality.

Perhaps that’s why when people get it right and reveal something about our inner workings, it matters that much more.

Further Reading

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Get up to 30% off at MysteryVibe

Sex Q&A by Anne Hooper

August 7th, 2018

Sex Q&A
$8.75 from Amazon

Sex Q&A is aptly named because the format, other than a few asides, in-depth tutorials and quizzes, is simply question-and-answer. A quick Google of Anne Hooper shows that she has been a columnist for several outlets including Cosmo and the Daily Mail. Ms. Hooper’s introduction states that the questions in the book are based on the many questions she’s received as a columnist; although, some of them could very well be reprints. It does seem as though the questions in Sex Q&A are specifically worded to hit on a variety of sexuality subjects.

This book is split into eight chapters, each of which ends in a quiz that tests your knowledge and skills about the subject of that chapter: sex in relationships, questions men ask, questions women ask, sex when you’re single, spicing up your sex life, pregnancy and beyond, questioning your sexuality, and your sexual health.

As I mentioned, each chapter ends with a sort of skills test. It’s all very Cosmo, but I didn’t find it particularly revealing. In fact, I skipped right over the quizzes. Some people might find them entertaining or perhaps useful if they’re struggling with sex in their relationship or are less well versed in this subject than I am.

Most sections also have a “Case history” or two where Anne describes specific problems experienced by couples or individuals and how the general advice can specifically be applied. But some of these cases don’t show how the advice actually helped; they’re just Ms. Hooper describing what could help. Without proof of improvement, the advice can seem a little weak,

Although printed nearly 20 years ago, Sex Q&A manages to be ahead-of-its-time in some ways. It’s incredibly sex-positive, accepting of casual sex and masturbation, and pretty body-positive, too. It’s not homophobic, and Anne does a good job at answering questions about what is “normal.” She recommends a variety of sexual activities and doesn’t just focus on the man’s pleasure like so many sources. Anne also mentions science and theories about science that have only recently come across my radar. They certainly would have been new to be 17 years ago!

But Sex Q&A isn’t perfect. First, I would have liked a dedicated section on kink. Ms. Hooper does mention some kinky activities and related concepts such as contracts and negotiation, but she doesn’t explicitly introduce certain ideas or tools. For example, she casually mentioned caning during a section on impact play without discussing how many consider caning to be a more extreme form of impact play. I think she could have recommended a paddle or flogger that might have been more beginner-friendly, especially because the target audience of Sex Q&A doesn’t seem to be especially kinky.

Similarly, I would have liked to see more information on toy and lube safety as those two topics have come a long way since the early 2000s. Aside from recommending them in general and advising against using oils with condoms, Anne doesn’t include a lot of specifics. She does try to define a fewtypese of toys, but it doesn’t seem incredibly inclusive, and there’s so much more information to be had these days. One thing I note, in particular,r is how Ms. Hooper defines a clitoral stimulator only as a part of cock ring and not as a standalone toy.

Although it’s not homophobic, it certainly is cis-normative. The assumption is that men are having sex with women, and they’re cisgendered. I realize that there has been a lot of advancement in the last two decades, however. For the time, I’m sure those conservative attitudes were pretty contemporary. Sex Q&A is also dated. For example, more recent research has cast a shadow of doubt over the significance of testosterone on sex drive, and most people now consider the G-spot as part of the clitoris. These answers could use some clarification.

There are a few topics that were all the rage when this book was published but proved to be fads since then: penis piercings and autofellatio, among them. The distinct lack of information on the contraceptive sponge is also indicative of the time when this book was printed.

Despite being a bit dated, Sex Q&A is full of a lot of information. Because it runs the gamut, Sex Q&A is not ideal for everyone. But the generalized advice would be great as part of a sex ed library or perhaps for young adults and the sexually inexperienced.

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