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Guess what guys?! I’ve been writing the Science of Sex once a month for over a year. That’s pretty awesome! I am definitely glad to take suggestions like I did with this post. Just leave a comment, and it could become next month’s topic!
To be honest, I didn’t really want to write a post about female ejaculation, but this is a request from a friend, so I decided to dip a toe into the water — if that’s what it even is.
Therein really lies the issue with female ejaculation, FE for short. Researchers have yet to prove what exactly is it; although, at least one study have claimed it’s just pee. Whenever a science team makes this claim, however, women are not so happy about it. It’s similar to when reports arise claiming that no G-spot exists.
Let’s start with what we do know:
Here’s something else we know: FE in porn is often fakes. A woman’s vagina is filled with water, and she pushes it out. It looks good from the camera, but it’s not coming from the urethra.
But let’s back up. There’s one survey that I cannot ignore when talking about female ejaculation. In this survey, researchers used ultrasounds to view bladders. The women used the bathrooms to empty their bladders, and this was verified by the ultrasound. The women began stimulating themselves. After these women had orgasms, researchers collected samples from the liquid. Researchers used the ultrasound to show that the bladder was again empty. Although, we aren’t aware of how long it was between scans.
Some of the liquid contained PSA, but researchers determined there was also urine by looking for urea, creatinine, and uric acid (although, there were no trends between levels measured before, during and after FE). They concluded that squirting prostatic fluid and gushing were two different activities. This was not the first study to come to this conclusion.
However, at least five previous studies have also looked for these chemical markers and found no sign of creatinine in FE.
The one thing that struck me, assuming the newer French study is accurate, was that perhaps any fluid in the bladder would contain trace amounts of the chemicals that scientists tested for in the FE. Could it be not that this means these chemicals are markers of urine but simply markers of fluid that has been contained in the bladder? If that were the case, how would we absolutely define what is urine and what isn’t?
According to Dr. Debby Hebernick, female ejaculate is very diluted urine. This is backed up by anecdotal evidence that FE has a different smell/taste from urine. Dr. Grafenberg also described FE as having “no urinary character.”
I’ve also read from medical professionals that this diluted urine has not been filtered by the kidneys and perhaps could not be due to the volume of fluid.
I don’t know of any studies have that tested the following claim, but it’s worth mentioning. Medications that affect urine do not necessarily affect FE, perhaps because it’s not filtered by the kidneys.
The only thing that remains for sure after the 2015 study is that more research must be done, especially with a control group larger than seven women. And scientists must ask more specific questions than “Does FE contain these chemical markers?”.
Some studies have asked better questions than this one. For example, the writers ponder whether FE might serve an antimicrobial purpose, which could spell good news for people who struggle with UTIs from sex.
Other papers remind us that female ejaculation was readily accepted as a sexual function thousands of years ago, but society seems to have forgotten this a time or two.
But as it the case with so many aspects of female sexuality, we need to spend more money and time to learn more.
More information about female ejaculation
Gvibe Gballs 2
$109.99
from Of Sex and Love Store
I first got in contact with Gvibe because I like that they create a smart Kegel exerciser. Now, if you remember my issues with Minna’s kGoal (tl;dr: it hurt like hell and connection was shoddy), you might be surprised that I’d be willing to try another one of this device. I’m a god damn hero, am I right?
But I could immediately tell that Gballs (technically Gballs 2) were smaller, and I counted on this being more comfortable. I was right (duh!). The vaguely hourglass-shape is definitely smaller (both more narrow and shorter) than the kGoal as well as most traditional Keg
el balls. It’s definitely manageable in a way that I don’t have a ton of experience with. My pubic bone just seems to get in the way. Gballs are simply a better fit.
One way this impacts my experience is that I only need one hand to insert Gballs. I needed to fucking wrestling kGoal into my vagina with both hands. This meant I had to touch my phone to connect, wash hands, insert, wash my hands, then waddle my way into my bedroom where I could lie down, relax and control the device. With Gballs, I pop them in with one hand, meaning I can keep one hand on my phone and use the other, if necessary, to adjust the toy. I don’t get bacteria from my phone near my vagina, and my phone stays lube-free. I far prefer this to all the obnoxious sex toys that rely on apps and two hands.
Gvibe makes up for this small size by making the retrieval chord also function as an antenna (it’s coated in silicone as is the device itself). It’s fairly long, and I think this is why. This is pretty smart IMO. Where I had issues with initial connectivity, turning on the kGoal and getting it to connect, Gballs connected nearly immediately and the connection is more stable (but imperfect, which I will touch on in a while).
Another difference comes by way of the mechanism that measures the strength of your PC muscles. Minna decided on a sort of inflatable-ballon that your muscles squeeze. With Gballs, there’s a small, pressure-sensitive dimple above the power button. I can easily feel and stimulate it (and sometimes accidentally hit it when I am simply holding the toy) with my fingers. I’ve had little issue with it reading pressure from my vag muscles, either. Although, I spent the first few times adjusting the position a bit – insert more, tug on the cord just a bit – to find the right fit. Now, it seems to slide more easily into place.
I’d like to move away from the comparisons between these two devices, however. This isn’t a scathing review of kGoal. I’ve already written one of those. But neither are the Gballs perfect. My issues are pretty much all with the app, Magic Kegel, so let’s go down that rabbit hole.
My first complaint is probably just that there’s so much going on. After launching it, I’m greeted by prompts to set up my account and go through a tutorial. There’s actually a medal for this tutorial that I’ve somehow not earned because it disconnected fairly quickly. I didn’t realize this immediately, however.
When disconnected, the app shows a redheaded avatar, ostensibly to match the voice that walks you through your training. I suggest you keep this one the first time you use Magic Kegel with your Gballs – but only the first time!
If you want to get a move on, select the training tab. There’s a “Courses” button in the top left that lets you select one of six categories: Entry Level, Honeymoon, Planning a Baby, New Mom, Muscle Recovery, and Hot Lover. Yea, the ones that are relationship-centric are a little icky, but I get it. Now, all of these icons are grey, which is honestly a weird UI choice. Greyed-out options indicate “Locked” to me, and I’d imagine many others. What it actually means in Magic Kegel is “Not Selected.” Once you select a course and an intensity level (entry through master), the icon will become colored. And when a course and level is selected, you can simply hit the Play button from the Training screen before subsequent workouts without having to select a course again.
Each level has descriptions to help you decide what to go with but, they’re not great. A lot of the text in Magic Kegel feels as though it’s written by someone to who is not quite fluent in English. I understand it, but it’s awkward. And it’s potentially offensive. The Honeymoon category is described as follows;
For women who have average sexual experience, sit long hours (for example, in the office), don’t do sports or overweight. This course can help to overcome vaginal and pelvic floor muscles sag. Daily exercises can strengthen and tone muscles of vaginal canal and increase the blood flow to the genital area.
Like I said.. awkward. And equating body size to the strength of your PC muscles makes little sense. Kegels aren’t going to slim your body, and you can do them sitting??? Plus, athletic might give zero fucks about the tone of their PC muscles before using this app.
Aside from that, Magic Kegel relies on sexual experience as a metric for choosing your course too much. “Hot Lover” describes having three years of sexual experience, but I just can’t buy this. Even assuming that sexual experience means penetration (as if there can only be one, rigid definition of sex – ha!), does this affect the tone of your PC muscles? I shouldn’t think so, but I will gladly be proven wrong. And over the course of that time, sex can be inconsistent, anyway. This isn’t really a helpful descriptor, IMO.
Anyway, I recommend using the voice controls for the first time because you’ll hear the woman’s voice telling you when to contract and relax. There’s an on-screen bar that fills in green when you should contract, but this wasn’t initially clear because there’s also an overall timer for each set (between 60 and 90 seconds usually), but there’s a lot of padding around the sets. The timer also occasionally lags. Once you understand this, sound is totally unnecessary.
Each workout has four sets. These sets can vary in length and reps between the courses, but they’re the same within a specific level of specific course, but the reps are always repeated four times per each course. You’ll also have both long and short contractions. There’s are several three-second breaks in each set to give your muscles time to relax, but it bothers the hell out of me that these come at irregular intervals according to the timer.
An example workout might be 3 long squeezes, 3-second break, 5 short squeezes, 3-second break, 3 long squeezes. Repeat three more times. Four reps are required for the app to consider your workout for that course complete, and the sets are counted after they’re finished.
As you complete those workouts, a green circle will begin building around the workout icon, measuring your goal to completion. The progress bar moves slowly. I’ve stuck to Entry Level just to push it further, and I’m about 1/8th of the way around the circle after five or so sessions.
I’ve mentioned before that you can earn medals, and this progress bar is one of them. You’ll see achievements under the Me tab, and there are a few beginner levels that I knocked out easily enough (there’s one about a questionnaire that doesn’t seem to exist, but the folks at Gvibe plan to remove that). “Advance” medals are all about exercising streaks, starting with two days in a row and working up to three months straight. All the Lina medals are about the flower you can grow with your vagina. Yep, you read that right.
In the Statistics tab, you can see numeric statistics, or you can click another tab to see the flower you’re growing with your vagina. Mine’s at level 7 and looking pretty healthy. It’s jumped a level if not two during each workout. This is cute but silly and easily ignored. If Gvibe wants to make this a more significant feature, I don’t see why they can’t add a little plant icon to the training screen, so you can see it in real-time.
This screen also includes your current bean count. I am not entirely sure how that works with level but was totally confused at first because it looks nothing at all like a bean and there’s no contextual information. Beans help you unlock fun features, which are essentially vibration modes. I can see they’re trying to further gamify the app and toy with this but am not personally interested in these unlockables. (They’re just one of the extraneous functions of the app to me, including links to other Gvibe products and a blurb about the company. There’s a menstrual calendar that might be useful to come, but I am perplexed that they don’t recommend using it during your period. Why??)
Of course, the numbered stats are what interest me more. Logging on shows today’s data, if any and that of your last workout. Magic Kegel tracks workout length, endurance, strength, control ability, and initial rating. The system uses a 0-100 scale for this evaluation, and I started in the 60s and have progressed to the 80s. However, the numbers always have a measurement “M” behind them, as in 67M. It doesn’t correlate with any actual measurement, so I think a % would offer clarity. Honestly, I’d rather have a specific measurement than an arbitrary scale.
Now, the stats are what someone like me really wants (and I’ll tell you about my progress a bit later on), but they’re also frustrating. If your Gballs disconnect during a workout, you lose your stats. There were days where I had stats show up in the tab despite the toy disconnecting from the app, but those stats were reset to 0 when I signed in the next day. I definitely don’t think I am seeing all my data from before, which is frustrating. It does appear that stats may only fill in when your device is depicted. With my app disconnected, I can only see the length of workouts and none of the other stats.
This is where I have to talk about the app disconnecting. When everything is working right, you connect the Gballs to your phone, pop them in, and start a course. Aside from the guiding voice, the Gballs vibrate to instruct you to squeeze. However, if they only vibrate once you’ve started squeezing, you’re disconnected, and that’s just the pressure gauge making the balls vibrate when you contract.
Another thing you’ll see on-screen is a little birdy flying in the sky. When you squeeze, he moves closer to the clouds. This correlates to that o-100 scale. There’s often lag, and Magic Kegel becomes laggier the longer I use the app. It’s almost in real-time during the first few reps but slows down as time moves on. It’ll get to the point that the birdie will remain in place when I am squeezing but erratically flutter up after I’ve relaxed. Occasionally, I see no bird at all. You can always follow the bar or voice, instead, but it’s a bit glitchy.
This lag also extends to the vibration that triggers your exercises. Occasionally, it starts after the bar. Sometimes, it doesn’t vibrate at all. At other times, you’ll get a really long vibration that’s out of sync with the app as it tries to catch up. You can ignore it, but it’s quite distracting. It’s better than no vibration at all, however.
When your device disconnects, the bird disappears and you again see the little avatar. The bar keeps moving, however. In the beginning, before I was comfortable with Magic Kegel, I didn’t catch this. I noticed the vibration but it was only in response to my contractions and not encouraging them. I thought I was completing the workout, but it wasn’t recording data. Now, I can catch the disconnect right away to reconnect and..
You don’t need to leave the workout to reconnect.
The rep counter overlays the connect button, but you can still press it to reconnect without leaving the workout. You can pause and exit, but it’s faster for me to just touch the button through this screen (I probably lose a bit of data as I skip a rep, though). I would actually prefer a pop-up that alerts me that my device has disconnected, auto-pauses the workout and allows me to reconnect. But being able to reconnect is better than nothing at all.
The app recommends lying on your back with your feet flat on the floor and knees bent. This is actually not super comfortable for me because I tend to flex my quads, and I think the main purpose is to keep your device connected to the Gballs. I’ve experimented with letting my legs rest on the bed while close, and the device sometimes disconnects, even if I keep the antenna/cord pulled up against my mons.
If you want to use the app with your Gballs, this position is probably the best.
But!
You don’t need to use the app.
Because of that pressure-sensitive spot, you can simply pop in the Gballs without connecting them and squeeze. When you do, it’ll vibrate. I don’t find this particularly pleasurable because the vibrations are on the weaker end and buzzy. You can adjust the intensity of them in the app, but I keep mine about midway. Honestly, I squirt pretty easily, and don’t want to do that when doing Kegels. Anyway, the vibe are hella useful feedback. Am I doing this right? Well, does it vibe? Yes. Otherwise, maybe you need to adjust position. Sure, this isn’t as specific as the feedback from the app itself, but it negates the need to keep one hand on your phone, anyway.
Furthermore, you can pop the Gballs in and use them while going through the courses on the app without connecting. This might be a good option if you’re struggling with Bluetooth. Then, the app just works as an instructor and helps you get in your reps. It won’t record your data, but you’re still getting in your workout.
I think you’ve got a pretty good idea of how the Gballs work with or without Magic Kegel, but I know what you all want to know:
Do the Gballs work??
I’ve noticed a distinct improvement in stats over time. Even just using it two days in a row shows greater control and strength on the second day. Interestingly, my initial strength is usually greater than my muscle strength at the end of the workout, and I can feel how much easier it is to squeeze during that first time. I’m not experiencing any soreness afterward, but it’s just harder to maintain that strength sometimes, especially during some workouts.
I haven’t been using the Gballs long or consistently enough to see if it’s affected anything (I have not sneezed over the last two weeks, I guess?!), and neither my orgasms or libido seems affected. In fact, on days when I’ve used the Gballs, I am far less likely to masturbate if I haven’t already done it because I’ve begun associating my vagina with work/a task. Similarly, I’ve never had more than one workout session a day (although, I usually do at least two workouts, especially as I was getting used to the app).
I’ll throw in a mention of battery at this point because I will soon be wrapping this up. My Gballs came charged, and I didn’t bother to see if I could charge them any further. I’ve used them for well over an hour at this point, and they’re still going. I am not sure what sort of indication the device or app will give me when it’s time to charge, but I imagine you can get quite a few workouts done because the Gballs do not vibrate continuously, only to trigger a contraction or in response to one, depending on whether the device is connected. The site says you can get up to 4 hours of working time, and I plan to update this when I need to charge.
The Gballs are a little smaller, a little cheaper, and a lot less frustrating than kGoal; although your mileage may vary. Perhaps the strongest commendation I can give the Gballs is that I can see myself continuing to use them after I’ve written this review, and I rarely do that with most sex toys. I was glad to shove my kGoal in a drawer and never have to look at it again.
If I’m being honest, the only reason why I wanted to try the Slim Vixskin Realistic Silicone Dildo is because I want a small (or not-so-small) collection of Vixen toys. I loved my Spur (RIP) and enjoy my Tex. I haven’t added more to my collection because, honestly, that’s my favorite silicone dildo and it serves all my needs. That doesn’t mean that I don’t lust over some of the more fantastic hues nor did it stop me from requesting the Slim Realistic to review.
So what makes this different? It’s dual-density silicone with a contoured head and veinous shaft. The base is circular, good for those who want to use it with a harness or simply dislike their sex toys to include disembodied testicles. It’s also a suction cup as you can see in my photo, but it fell off my dressed as soon as I snapped the photo! LOL!
The biggest difference, however, is the length: you can insert up to 8 inches, which is great for anyone who likes deep penetration. Girthwise, the Slim Vixskin Realistic Silicone Dildo is pretty average: 1.5 inches. However, much of the shaft seems a bit more narrow than that. If you enjoy that bursting-at-the-seams sensation, then the Slim Realistic isn’t for you. Of course, “Slim” is in the name so that’s on you. 😉
This dildo has a slight curve. It’s pretty easy to miss, honestly, and I don’t really think of this is a curved dildo. It’s more like a dildo that can curve thanks to its softness. The curve doesn’t seek out my G-spot, for example.
The real question, however, is whether the dildo is too long and narrow and soft to be functional. I’m happy to report that it’s not exactly floppy, but having used it vaginally with a few inches sticking out, I found myself grasping the dildo around the shaft rather than at the base so that I could more easily control it. I would say that if you’re looking for an easily controlled dildo and don’t need the length, then you might be better offer with another VixSkin dildo that is more easily maneuvered. It just feels a bit bulky and awkward in use. I could have sworn that I’ve seen a few similar reviews noting this, but now they elude me.
Regardless, while you can thrust with this dildo, it might not make the best G-spotter if you need it intense and fast.
Texture is an interesting thing when it comes to dildos. It’s much easier to feel on rigid materials like glass. I often don’t feel it at all when it comes to softer materials, especially not dual-density silicone. But there’s something different about the Slim Vixskin Realistic Silicone Dildo. Although the veins on it don’t look pronounced, I can feel them vaginally more than I was expecting too. I count this as a win.
Texture on the Slim Realistic Dildo
Interestingly, I don’t think that the head of this is really pronounced enough for me to feel it. A much larger corona or a thicker shaft overall would probably make the shape more impactful.
At the end of the day, I feel torn about the Slim Vixskin Realistic Silicone Dildo. It’s got the wonderful squishiness that I love about VixSkin dildos but because of the extra length, it feels cumbersome. The texture is wonderfully surprising, but the head is underwhelming. And the curve doesn’t add much to the sensation, so it’s almost a moot point.
However, the Slim Realistic Silicone Dildo by Vixen might be a great option for someone who wants a longer-but-slimmer dildo to use for strap-on play, especially anal stimulation. And the longer design gives you extra leeway for rounded booties or positions that require a little more length. For these specific purposes, I would recommend Slim Vixskin Realistic Silicone Dildo, which you can get at SheVibe for just under $100. Still, if you want to try VixSkin or you’re looking for a more multipurpose dildo or one that’s more filling, I might recommend the Mustang (7.5 inches insertable) or Tex (5 inches insertable), instead.
A few months ago, I took a look at some of the awesome women who are researching (and writing about sex). Now, I want to touch on just how that research is done. Someone somewhere is taking the time to study people in a lab as they watch porn or have sex or to hand out questionnaires to anyone who is willing to check a few boxes (or click a few links).
Thus, this week's Science of Sex post is all about how that research is performed.
Remember, if you like this post, I update Science of Sex every second-ish Saturday of the month!
In the beginning, there was Kinsey, who was asking people ostensibly invasive questions about their sex lives. Kinsey was not the first to do so, but he was among the first to really attract attention for his work. Kinsey didn't just interview subjects, however. Kinsey had filmed homosexual prostitutes ejaculating in the attic of his own home for one study. He also invited 30 couples into his home to masturbated and have sex while being recorded. Kinsey has since been described as a voyeur and even some of his contemporaries were wary of the way he went about his studies and whether his interest was purely scientific. It's difficult to imagine such impropriety when it comes to modern sex research. But there was no example for Kinsey to follow in the 1940s. He was making up — and breaking — the rules as he went along.
Surveying and interviewing continues to be a popular mode of sex research. The Kinsey Institute at the University of Indiana Bloomington still uses it. The 2010 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior also utilized random dialing and physical mailers to connect with possible respondents while a more recent survey by the university has been posted online.
The Internet presents an opportunity to easily collect information en masse and with identity protection (when that's desired). It's a hell of a lot easier to reach thousands or millions of people by posting surveys online rather than a physical bulletin board. You can find a list of surveys and studies that you might be eligible to participate in on Dr. Lehmiller's site. I've shared similar links with my readers, positive that
One of the downfalls of self-reporting (whether it's done in person or over the Internet) is whether a respondent is being honest, both to themselves and to the survey. Furthermore, the way that questions are worded can leave a lot of room for ambiguity. Surveys presented by reputable institutions — I'm looking at you Bloomington — are often quite thoughtful in this regard. I imagine that the more ambiguity, the more likely some survey responses will have to be thrown out.
Despite the pitfalls of relying on someone's self-reporting, it's important to understand how a person feels, especially when it comes to arousal. Thanks to studies that have compared women's' reported arousal to their physical arousal, we have a much better understanding of the arousal discordance that is more commonly found in women than with men.
Researchers will connect subjects to devices that measure
Often, researchers hook up patients to these devices and show them sexually explicit images or videos. Yes, buying porn might be on the docket if you're a sex researcher. Patients might be advised to masturbate or engage in sexual activity with a partner.
Sometimes, if you want to know more about sex, you just have to do it yourself. That's what author Mary Roach did when she was writing "Bonk." She volunteered herself — and her husband Ed — as subjects of a 4D ultrasound. The author and her husband engaged in sex while a researcher passed an ultrasound wand over their bodies, briefly resting his arm against her Ed's body. The pair would hold still momentarily to achieve still images, and the scientist instructed Ed to ejaculate.
Mary Roach and her husband may be lucky — or unlucky if you prefer — to be alive. Researchers have used cadavers for some studies, especially those regarding the G-spot.
Several of these cadaver studies have been critiqued for being too small a sample size. That argument has also been made against other sex studies, which may only involve a handful of subjects. The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior is among the largest ever, recording responses from nearly 6,000 people.
Few of these studies have been replicated, so it's important to remember that the results give us a glimpse but not the whole picture.
One interesting factor is how the language used in these studies has changed. Whereas it once was more clinical and heteronormative, language has become depathologized. It's more common to see "man" or "woman" in place of "male" or "female." The same goes for sexual orientations and subjects. Interestingly, the concept of consent is more frequently referenced in modern sex research. Mentions of HIV is on the rise (and AIDS decreasing), as it the term MSM, which stands for men who have sex with men.
Further Reading
Sex Outside The Lines
24.95
from GoodVibes
I first heard of Chris Donaghue and his book Sex Outside The Lines via the Sex Nerd Sandra Podcast. It’s been quite a while since I listened to that particular episode, but it piqued my interest. In it, Donaghue, a therapist who helps clients overcome their issues with sex, makes the argument that cultural views of sex shame healthy sex and lead to dysfunctional sex lives.
In Sex Outside the Lines, Donaghue expands on this argument with examples from his clients as well as supporting arguments from other professionals (therapists, doctors, and the like).
I was fully prepared to enjoy this book. The idea that the cultural view of sex is misguided and narrow is one that I can totally get with. It leads to the shaming of all sorts, marginalization of people who have nonstandard sexual orientations, relationship dynamics, and kinks, and internalized until very few people are living an “authentic sexuality.” How can you go wrong with a book that expands on this?
For starters, it’s not entirely clear who Sex Outside the Lines is for. I suppose the subtitle, “Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture,” made me feel like it was written for someone who wanted to discover their own authentic sexuality. But the book does not read as accessible to the average reader. As someone who writes and reads about sex, I found it a bit alienating. Donaghue uses hyphen-laden adjectives that he clearly relies upon in his practice, but they’re wordy and not standard at all. This is one reason why Sex Outside the Lines might be better for professionals than consumers.
If I continue, the tone of this book is also repellant in other ways. The author sometimes sounds pretentious and opinionated in a way that’s hard to swallow… and I generally agree with him. I cannot imagine that anyone who is on the fence about whether society has a dysfunctional view of sex would pick up this book and be swayed, let alone someone who is actively in the other camp.
I have a physical copy, so it’s unfortunate that I don’t have a digital reference at my side. There were a number of points where Donaghue had written something that I would have highlighted on my Kindle. Many of these instances were him describing the way society/partners/sex therapists disregard a person’s natural sexual proclivities as abusive. This terminology seems extreme to me.
Furthermore, he makes the argument in several places that any kink is valid and should always be fully lived. I think it can be assumed that Donaghue means when it’s safe, legal and consensual, but he doesn’t explicitly state as such.
He also ignores the fact that compromises must be made within relationships. While I believe that people ignore sexual compatibility all too often and it can lead to disastrous results, I am not sure that I buy that this is always the most important type of compatibility or that sex is a cure-all for any relationship ailment. If someone was looking for a reason to be sexually entitled and selfish, then reading Sex Outside the Lines without further guidance might encourage unhealthy behavior.
Donaghue’s sex-positive push is so forceful that is can feel like asexual erasure, despite him mentioning asexuality when he discusses the way that society discounts people who are not straight. And straight people who do identify as monogamous and marriage-minded might feel attacked by the book.
I also found that it was difficult to follow the overarching themes of each chapter and the segues between the sections therein. When you look at the table of contents, you see that the second chapter is all about why people fear sex, for example. But when you’re reading that chapter, it’s too easy to forget. This is exacerbated by some repetition of the content.
Finally, Donaghue often quotes others, but the references feel abrupt because he simply inserts the quote and reference without really explaining the context of those original quotes. I am not sure that the sources are actually making the same arguments that he is. I would much rather have brief introduction to the study/book/report and firmer explanation of how it ties into whatever argument the author is trying to make in that paragraph.
This all comes as a disappointment because Donaghue came off as likable and reasonable in the podcast that first introduced me to him. He speaks as someone who appears to be an effective therapist, but something is lost in translation when it comes to print.
While I agree with the general theme of Sex Outside the Lines, the book leaves a bit to be desired and an unusual taste in my mouth. I am not sure what it accomplishes or who I would recommend it to, and it’s not because I think within the lines sexually. Perhaps Donaghue is just not the person who should be writing this thesis.
Welcome to the Science of Sex, a feature I've managed to publish on Of Sex and Love for a whole year (albeit not necessarily when I promise to). In this monthly segment, I discuss the science of sexuality in an easy-to-digest format that’s accessible to the casual reader. I will also follow up with some extended reading material for people who want to know more about the subject of each post.
Today's post explains why it's harder to feel aroused by your partner after you've been together for a long period.
Check back every second Saturday of the month (ish) for new Science of Sex posts.
Enjoy!
The so-called Coolidge Effect is a biological occurrence wherein a member of a certain species will experience renewed sexual vigor when a new potential mate enters the picture. In short, even an exhausted male will suddenly be ready to mate if a new female enters.
The Coolidge Effect is apparently named after president Coolidge, who'd had a discussion with his wife about a Rooster's prowess upon visiting a farm. When FLOTUS inquired into the rooster's sexual ability, POTUS apparently remarked upon the number of hens available.
Research indicates that several species experience the Coolidge Effect. It can also occur in females, but the effect is heightened with males of a species. It may take longer for habituation to effect a woman's sexual respond than a man's. The research is currently conflicting.
Humans are definitely not immune to this, and it doesn't just apply to sexual activity. The Coolidge Effect explains why arousal increases when new stimuli (women) enter the picture. One study examined men's' arousal when exposes to the same stimulus as compared to arousal levels when the men experience more various stimuli.
Similarly, men who repeatedly view porn of the same actress will experience faster ejaculation, and the sperm contained in the ejaculate may actually be healthier!
The term for getting used to the same sexual stimulus is known as habituation, and it's exactly why people grow to need novelty in long-term sexual relationships. It strikes me that the Coolidge Effect can even explain why someone who has new sexual partners, consensually or otherwise, might experience renewed desire for their original partner.
Habituation of sexual arousal is worth looking into deeper. Researchers have found that while genital response will decrease to repeating the same stimulus, people can still subjectively feel aroused. Scientists were especially surprised to learn that this happens in men because men often feel mentally and genitally aroused simultaneously than women (concordance).
The proposed explanation for the Coolidge Effect is the same for many sexual theories. A male of the species will be able to produce more offspring if his desire can
What does all this mean? If you've had sex with the same person for quite some time, especially if it's the same sort of sex, arousal might dip. Enter a new, attractive person, and you'll find yourself desiring sex again. Keeping things novel is one way to ward off the Coolidge Effect and minimize habituation, but it doesn't mean that something's inherently wrong with your relationship.
Habituation may not be permanent, either. In at least one study, men found that desire again increased after a period of time.
Further Reading
