Wanna Be Dazzling Sparkling Body Lotion

January 30th, 2012

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

So Classic Erotica sent me the matching body lotion scent to go with my snazzy new body mist because those folks are all a bunch of BAMFs. There’s a lot of the same stuff going on between these two products, and that’s a good thing. They smell nearly identical, and that’s important to me. I hate buying a product, falling in love with the scent, and buying another in the lineup only to find out that it smells completely different. That’s so not the case with the body lotion; although, it might smell slightly more berry-like.

The body lotion is slightly longer lasting, too. I put it on one night and could smell it the next morning. It was a great product to smell as I slept but, even during my waking hours, I find myself always sniffing the lotion.

The packaging is almost the same for the lotion. Pink with a cap. The lotion bottle was locked when I first received it. This is a good feature but the height of the pump is slightly shorter than other pumps and I had a hell of a time turning it to get it unlocked. I definitely will be keeping it “open” from now on,

The lotion is thin enough to work well with a pump bottle but this also means it’s not thick enough to do heavy duty. It’s more cosmetic. It does make my hands feel softer and does last through at least one washing. It also doesn’t simply rub over/around the skin like some lotions. That bugs the crap out of me.

As the name suggests, this one contains little sparkles. They’re harder to notice in the dark but super easy to spot in bright light and outside. Because of this, I will mostly be saving this for a night-time product. I don’t usually wear a lot of glitter during the day. It’s not my thing. On the other hand, your arms and chest can bling out if you apply this there.

But while I like this lotion enough, I don’t love it, and the price of nearly $10 for six ounces seems a bit outrageous. It’s not widely available yet, either. Perhaps if more retailers carry it—which I would recommend—the price might drop. It may be a slightly cheaper option if you’re a fan of Victoria’s Secret sweet lotions; however, Bodycology offers a pretty sweet-smelling vanilla cupcake lotion for less than half the price at Target.

I better end this review, though, before you all become HANGRY.

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Wanna Be Sexy Flirty Body Mist

January 30th, 2012

Sadly, this product was discontinued after it was my daily scent for a decade.

When I love a product, it gets a lot of use. I have used the Wanna Be Sexy Flirty Body Mist nearly every day since I received it. That is, to say, it kicks ass. Rather than give you a complete run-down — because we all know what body mist is — here are the pros and cons you should know.

Pros

This body mist smells great. Classic Erotica has ditched the previous and, might I add, not very awesome “Seduction” in place of pink cupcake. It’s sweet and reminiscent of vanilla cake batter but pinker due to the berries. The body mist, however, is slightly more vanilla than berry-like. If you’re not a fan of feminine, young, sweet scents, this is not for you.

The smell lasts. When I first opened the bottle, I sprayed the air in front of me, and the smell was powerful and long-lasting enough to stay with me as I ran to the store. One pump. Pretty impressive from a body spray. Now that I’ve become more accustomed to it, it doesn’t smell quite so strong to me (others probably notice it more), but every time I enter a new room or environment, the smell wafts up to me and delights my nose. For some reason, it’s easy to smell outside!

A little goes a long way. The pump on this bottle creates a finer mist than others. It’s not as wet, which is a plus by itself, but this means that less sprays out at once. Because the spray is long-lasting, this isn’t a problem and it actually means that it one 6-ounce bottle will go further. In fact, even though I’ve used it almost every day and, most days, multiple times, you can barely tell I’ve opened the bottle!

The bottle clearly states that it is paraben-free, sugar-free and sulfate-free. It’s also made in the USA and not tested on animals. These are some pretty cool qualities because sometimes the sensual health and beauty companies don’t give a crap about chemicals that can possibly irritate or dry skin or ethical issues.

It’s affordable. The per-unit price per bottle is definitely slightly cheaper than body sprays from Bath and Body Works.

The overall design is improved. Classic Erotica has updated its product designs and website, I believe. The new label is pink and girly with curly fonts and swirly hearts. It’s much cleaner and, in my opinion, looks better in person than in product images. The spray has been dyed slightly pink, which looks cute.

The bottle comes with a cap that makes it more — but not perfectly — travel-friendly. The cap can come off, however.

So what’s slightly less than awesome?

  • It smells a little syrupy at first. It passes, though! You only need to deal with it for a few seconds.
  • It doesn’t need to be pink.
  • It doesn’t last forever.
  • Some people won’t like cupcake scents.
  • I don’t believe in pheromones/think they’re overrated but no one’s complained that I smell like a wild animal or anything. Because I love the scent, I feel more attractive and that’s what counts!
  • The nozzle seems to gunk up after a while. This has happened two 3 out of 4 of the last bottles I purchased.

Really, though, if you know yourself to like sweet smells like this, give it a try!

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Make love to your long distance lover online

Material Girl Fetish Fantasy Lingerie

January 24th, 2012

ooor Every Mistake A Lingerie Manufacturer Could Make.

I can’t even pretend that this was a success. I mean, I knew its form-fitting nature would be a risk with my shape but I didn’t also realize that it was a design disaster.

Let’s start with what I don’t hate. The fingerless fishnet gloves. Now, you might be thinking “fingerless gloves are the show-stealer?” and, I kid you not, it’s the truth. They’re simple: a tube with one reinforced end for around the wrist and a small hole on one side for your thumb. The end that slips around your arm/wrist is reinforced, I guess, to keep it from moving. However, these are comfortably snug on me so I don’t see them going anywhere. On the other hand, if you have large wrists or hands, they might be too snug. However, there’s stretch. In fact, these gloves can stretch to around 8″ in length or wear them a little shorter. I tend to pull mine up about 1.5″ from my wrist or about 5″ long.

Both the thumb-hole and edge around the hand are slightly reinforced so they won’t rip.. but one glove is actually ripping at the hem or perhaps was never sewn on correctly. So don’t expect those reinforced edges to do too much. For some strange reason, Pipedream felt the need to sew a (black) tag into one of the glove. Hand wash cold, you guys. I mean that information is sort of useful but tags on see-through stuff.. I’m so over it.

Anyway, I could see myself stealing these for a costume or different outfit.

So while I don’t love the actual, thigh-high fishnets, they’re not as awful as the chemise itself. It’s a basic pair of fishnets with about a 1″ elastic band at the top. They’re definitely meant for someone taller than 5″2, as I could pull them damned near up to my crotch. Still, with a little adjusting they are passable. The fishnets do not come ripped. Thank-whoever-you-want-to-thank. Because then I’d have thrown them out. Like the gloves, I could also see myself wearing them with someone else or pairing them with a garter belt.

For a queen size, though, the fishnets seem a little small. They measure 6″ in diameter, flat. They stretch to about twice that, which just doesn’t seem that large to me. The stretching causes them to cut into your skin. A thicker band at the top would definitely be more flattering. Even the “one size” model is overflowing from the fishnets.

I suspect they’re also lower quality than fishnets I’ve worn in the past. In fact, the box tells you to rip them as you desire so they would have to be. As the netting itself stretches out, you can see the fibers that make it starting to pull away from one another, like a strand of Christmas lights that’s seen one decade too many (-cough-don’t look on my patio-cough-).

But they’re usable.

I wish I could say as much about the chemise. Actually, I don’t. Writing this review is fun!

So, it was a risk. I knew that but I even though the way those straps on the chemise looked on the plus-sized model was sort of flattering to your tummy and I’d hoped the same. I was also encouraged by the fact that this is available in three sizes: one size, queen and diva. I was hoping this would provide more realistic sizing options even though it’s still in a range.

I was wrong. Dead wrong. So so wrong. Wrong baby wrong. Yea, we hear you Martina McBride, Depeche Mode. I usually wind up on the just-shy-of-plus-side end of things but if this is their queen, if this is what they think will fit ladies in sizes 16 through 20 they’re fucking delusional. Maybe that’s why they’re so keen of ripping fishnets. I don’t know.

So the chemise itself is pretty snug on me. It smooshes my C-cups in ways that are completely not flattering with the sheer mesh (also hand wash, cold). There isn’t any support, per se, but surely larger folks could benefit from this chemise binding pushing their breasts into their backs? (Ha!). And, if you have some extra tummy; look away. I do not know how it flattered the model so well but it does not on me.

There’s also this really weird thing. I cannot get this thing down over my ass. It’s super fucking short. Like, I’m 5’2″. Who knew Pipedream was making Hobbit lingerie, right? I can only imagine how much worse it would be for taller ladies.

Okay, but the big issue — and I mean really big — is the straps, while visually interesting are just full of what-the-fuckery. They’re all stretchy (more-so than the chemise) and adjustable and while this sounds good.. it’s actually a ridiculous hassle. When I pulled this over my head, they all bunched above my boobs and then I had to try to find the chemise to pull it down and then I had to pull down every strap and try to situate it. Yours may not bunch up over your boobs; I can imagine it bunching up right under the boobs, depending on how far you pull it down but it’s not easy to put on. That’s where I’m going with this.

After I spent a bunch of time adjusting the front straps — and it still looked mediocre at best — I realized I had to do the same in the back. Except my short arms were no good at it so I said “Fuck it” and let them fall where they hideously may. I really think it would be better to sew the straps into place to avoid all this mess. Would it have hindered the stretchiness of the chemise? Yes. Then again, it’s not sized correctly anyway.

Now, there’s those little buckles in the pictures and the different models wear them at different locations so I thought I’d try my hand at adjusting them. I figured this would slightly change the position of the straps and allow me to hide trouble areas but, once they’re stretched out, they become nearly impossible to move. They slide easily when you’re not wearing the piece but it’s a different story when you’re not. Of course, how do I know where I want the buckle to sit on stretchy straps when I’m not wearing it?

Last complaint, I promise. These pieces come in a sturdy cardboard box. Each is then in its own bag and the fishnets are each wrapped around a pair of paperboard. It’s wasteful and who needs a an actual box for their lingerie? Shit’s not precious is all I’m saying.

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Tickle My Tush

January 20th, 2012

I’ve seen the books by Dr. Sadie before. They have cute names like “Ride ‘Em, Cowgirl” and “Tickle His Pickle.” Tickle My Tush is the latest book by Dr. Sadie, published by Tickle Kitty. It’s, as you can guess, all about anal play. What you might not guess is how small this book is! It’s just over 100 pages but the book is both short and narrow, so it’s physically smaller than other educational books. There’s also a lot of white space in the book itself, which is why I was able to read it in only two sittings.

The good news is, if you’re just starting out with anal play, then you won’t be intimidated by this book. Because I think this book is really best for those who are just exploring the territory and maybe even those who have tried but haven’t had a lot of success with it in the past, this isn’t a bad thing. I, personally, didn’t find this book to be eye-opening but I was able to compare it to my own experience and the experiences of those I know and can say the advice is pretty solid.

Dr Sadie splits the book up into chapters that begin by introducing anal play to the reader. In the first chapter, she explains why people enjoy it. The next address frequently asked questions, and the third talks about anal safety. One thing I enjoyed is that she is always stressing lubing it up and communication with your partner, whether you’re on the giving or receiving end. The chapters continue on, and Dr Sadie talks about hygiene then introduces the anatomy of the ass in both men and women.

In the sixth chapter, the action finally begins as Sadie instructs the reader about anal massage. Fingerplay and oral follow before a chapter on penetration. Experienced users can tune right in to read about orgasm through anal play and Dr Sadie devotes an entire chapter to anal toys — and she stresses the necessity for flared bases at least three times. The segues into strap-on anal play, which Sadie assumes is between men and women only. She does a great job explaining why a woman might want to don a dong but the entire book has a hetero/monogamous slant. It doesn’t make it less useful for people in general; however, it would be more useful and welcoming with different language. After all, wouldn’t a gay man or a lesbian want to learn the basics of anal play, too?

Tickle My Tush wraps up with an entire chapter dedicated to positions, with illustrations and a final FAQ that addresses questions readers may have after reading the book. As I mentioned, it’s a quick read because each chapter is only a few pages long. There’s also a lot of white space that accommodates for “Sadie Sez” asides. These blurbs highlight or stress things that Sadie wants the reader to remember. For example, slower is better or not to try to emulate porn, where warm-up is done off-screen. Mostly, the blurbs repeat content on the page, however. The line breaks between paragraphs are also quite white and on some pages there are warnings within a “Caution” sign, creating more empty space. The list goes on but, essentially, this book is even shorter than it looks and it looks short.

As I mentioned, the advice is pretty solid. I love how Sadie focuses on hygiene issues that allow you to feel more comfortable as does her general tone. However, her tone is extremely conversational, sometimes bordering on silly. There’s an entire page dedicated to the words and terms she is going to use instead of the actual clinical or official words for anatomy or activities. For example, it’s not “sphincter” but “O-rings” and she uses “pleasure inch” instead of “anal canal”. Dr Sadie reasons that some of these words sound unpleasant and, therefore, we should use friendlier terms, instead. I don’t necessarily mind “color” as slang for poop and terms like “rimming” and “licking” are readily accepted; however, if you can’t say “rectum” without giggling, maybe you shouldn’t be reading (or writing) this book.

There’s also a lot of conversational speaking to the reader and this sometimes feels as though they’re trying to make a book out of information that would only really fill a pamphlet. Similarly, the pictures feel a little amateur at times; however, they’re helpful in the positions chapter, and I find the position suggestions to be creative and useful. Sometimes the suggested positions come off as both unrealistic and uncomfortable. Dr Sadie also recommends which of these positions is better for persons of different heights and weights.

My last complaint is that Tickle My Tush doesn’t address material safety in terms of toys for anal sex. She says that no toy, finger, or cock should enter the mouth or vagina after anal play and also recommends ways to keep juices/lube from finding its way into the vagina. Still, the book could do more to address porosity and using either condoms or toy covers for anal play. I’d really like to see Dr Sadie talk about how only non-porous toys are actually safe between holes because jelly and the like can harbor bacteria even after it’s been washed with soap and water. Silicone, glass, and metal, at least, can be more thoroughly sterilized, but I wouldn’t even use a non-porous material without bleaching or boiling first.

Although Tickle My Tush isn’t without its flaws, its approachable and I think many people who are uncomfortable or only just warming up to the idea of anal sex will find it useful. It could perhaps be read by couples who are venturing into new territory together, but many experienced toy and anal players may want to skip this one.

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Leaf Spirit

January 16th, 2012

BMS no longer makes the original Leaf Spirit, but you can buy the newer Leaf Spirit Plus.

The Spirit was the vibrator that I wanted the most out of the Leaf line. Its ergonomic design is called to me because I’m a clit vibe type of girl. I figured I’d have a pretty good idea of the piece, considering that I’d already used one Leaf vibe, but, as it turns out, that wasn’t quite the case.

My Spirit wasn’t charged when I opened the box so I set it up to charge for a couple hours. Immediately, I made note of how much smaller the Spirit is than I expected. When I plugged the charger into the port, which sits vertically through the widest part of the vibrator, it felt as though the plug was going to stab out the other end of the toy. In fact, it must have been designed to just fit the plug.

At just 2.8″ in width, and with its contours, the Spirit is a palm-type vibrator if I’ve ever seen one. Although I don’t cup my hand around my vulva to masturbate so the idea of a palm vibrator is kind of weird to begin with. However, it’s perfect for use during sex, even though I haven’t been able to use it that way. The Lead website states it is 1.8″ tall and that would be true if it were rectangular. Really, at its widest in the middle, it’s more like 1″, which is similar to the length of the plug.

As it curves into a gentle “C” shapes, the ends taper as well. The end that would make contact with your clit also narrows to a point while the other rounds out, to cup your vulva. When you hold the vibrator so that it curves against your mons pubis, the single button is on top (and well as the port). Of course, this makes sense, but I found the button to sit more flush with the Spirit than the Fresh, so I have a more difficult time finding it. I have to keep my finger on it or stop using it to visually locate the button. Although the button lights up, I tend to hold it in a position where I cannot see it.

Like all toys that use this type of control, it works. Press and hold to raise the vibrations, and the button blinks more rapidly as you raise the vibrations. A single push turns it off. Because there are no settings, there’s no confusion. There’s also not a lot to drool over. For whatever reason, the PowerBullet technology feels much weaker and buzzier in the Spirit. If vibrations alone are what I was looking for, I would have been disappointed. I quickly became immune to them.

Spirit has the hollow sounding vibrations and the slight electronic whine that I noticed of the Fresh. It’s a little annoying but others may not notice. Considering the size, it’s a little loud. I have quieter bullets, for example.

The shape also left a little to be desired. I think it would be great pressed between bodies during partner play, but to get any sort of pressure, I need to apply force with my fingers, and the small surface space meant I accidentally turned this thing off, more often than not. I’m not as big a fan of pinpoint stimulation as some are, either. I do like the layer of squishy silicone that coats the outside of this sex toy. There’s a noticeable squish on the pointed end, which I think led to me enjoying this vibrator a little more than I would have. I did try to use the rounded end, but with little success. It’s too much of an edge for me. The small size will actually fit into some panties. I gave it a whirl and was able to walk around with it vibrating away.

The squishy silicone, sadly, picks up lint and fur like crazy. It’s easy enough to rinse off with soap and water but makes toy wipes a little less useful. Like the entire Leaf line, the Spirit is meant to be waterproof and I’ve had no trouble with that during cleaning. It’s easier to see on the Spirit how the silicone stretches around the charging port, offering protection from liquids.

I do have to say that one full charge only lasted me one masturbation session. Granted, it was probably around 30 minutes, mostly on the highest speed, and involved a couple of orgasms, but the manual guarantees at least 40 minutes (1 hour and 15 on the lower setting). It just died on me randomly and I wasn’t quite done.

Of course, this one comes in a cardboard box with a manual, canvas bag and charger. The bag is the same size for all the toys and Spirit feels a little swamped in its home. I’m slightly dubious that it’s as green as its color, but that’s not really a selling point for me.

I probably like Fresh a little better, surprisingly. However, I would recommend this as a toy for couples during sex or either for a palm-based massage. If you lube it up — water-based, please! — it could make for a good back or muscle massager if light stimulation is for you.

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Red Velvet and Absinthe

January 12th, 2012

After a while, erotica starts to look a lot alike. There are so many collections I have that.. I do not care anything about. There’s maybe three that really stand out and Red Velvet and Absinthe is one of those. I mean, the idea of paranormal erotica is pretty cool and I expected werewolves and vampires — which I got — but some of the more ghostly and unusual ideas were really memorable.

So, of course, werewolves and vampires are heavy in this book. The first few stories I read were only about werewolves. I wasn’t reading them in order so it almost seemed as though the editor has purposefully shied away from vampires because, you know, Twilight sucks.. There are also some vampire stories, including one with a lesbian slant. Ghosts make their appearance in this book and there’s one extremely interesting voodoo doll story. All in all, if you like the paranormal or are turned on by the unusual, I can’t recommend this enough.

My favorites include Dolly with the aforementioned voodoo doll, in which a young woman makes her doll and with it brings to life a person/creature and begins a sexual and romantic relationship that ends with an interestingly sweet twist. Anna Meadows paints a picture worth a thousand years in her story Painted about a young man’s fixation with a painting of an alluring woman. I could practically feel the walls shaking as I read through a thunderstorm scene. La Belle Morte is not a story with a happy ending for the protagonist, a young woman who is on death row, but the author somehow manages to cause the reader to forget the fact as the woman escapes into sexual fantasies with a strange visitor. An angel even makes an appearance in the very last story, Benediction.

There’s a few caveats, though, and I suspect these issues won’t be problematic for everyone. The focus here is on quality writing and story-telling rather than erotic happenings so if you’re the “want it now” type, you might find some of these to take too long to get to the good stuff or don’t spend enough time on it. I did skip a few longer stories because I usually prefer them short. With that said, I also went back to read stories that I’d skipped when I wasn’t trying to get off because I found the material to be interesting. People who don’t necessarily read erotica to get off will probably like the caliber of the writing in this book.

Secondly, Red Velvet and Absinthe focuses on romance. The sex is either between committed partners or implies commitment despite the paranormal circumstances in a til-death-do-us-part-and-sometimes-not-even-then sort of way. One night stands aren’t really part of the repertoire. Still, the romance is done in a dark and Gothic sort of way, with vampires turning their beloveds so that they can spend eternity together or one story which takes place in a prison cell. Danger is common-place as mere mortals dally with werewolves and other beastly creatures. It’s quite thrilling.

Really, that’s why I found myself both getting off and continuing to read just to see what happens next. That’s pretty high praise and I can say, without doubt, I’d love to reread the stories in this book.

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Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Leaf Fresh

January 4th, 2012

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

If you haven’t heard of BMS’s new line of vibrators under the Leaf moniker, then I’ll assume you were either dead or in a cave for several months. The folks over there graciously asked me if I’d review a Leaf vibrator, and I said “yes.” Although I’m not usually a big fan of the color green, it certainly evoked the idea of being eco-friendly in my mind, and it was refreshing. The Fresh wasn’t my first choice in vibrators.

When I got the Fresh, however, I changed my tune. The palm-sized vibrator is shaped similar to a stylized heart, with two rounds on top and a vertex at the bottom. The single push button rests on one of the top rounds while the other, as well as the point on the bottom, provide two different options for contact.

What really piqued my interest, though, was how strong the vibrator was when I opened the box. The manual says that you should charge it first but mine was already charged so I was able to see both how strong and intuitive it is to use. The button is similar to the Jopen vibes. Press and hold to increase vibrations. Push one to turn it off. There’s only one button because Fresh only offers steady vibrations. It’s definitely something I could get used to and the button is both slightly raised and lights up so that you can find it easily.

When I first turned the Fresh all the way up, I couldn’t handle it in my hand. I was definitely impressed with the strength and had to start over, gradually increasing it so that I could handle it. With that said, while the vibrations started moderately deep, the higher settings were definitely buzzy. Fresh covers various depths and strengths, so I imagine many people would enjoy it, unless you need Hitachi-strength and depth vibes.

Unfortunately, when I was in use, the vibrations started out nicely, but I quickly became “immune” to them. They felt far more surface-level against my clit than they did against my hand, and that turned from what I expected to be a quick orgasm to one that needed more effort from my hand and outside help via some awesome erotica. I was really surprised that this was the case because of my initial experience with the vibrator. After I stopped playing, my entire vulva had the tingly, over-vibrated feel, but it sure didn’t seem like that was the case while I was trying to get off.

Of course, I’m sure many people will have no problem with the vibrations. The shape could also be a deal-breaker for some. I tried with both the rounded edge and pointed edge against my clit, holding the Fresh in a vertical position. I liked that I could hold it vertically because it provided a somewhat hands-free experience, if I wasn’t requiring pressure or movement. The pointed edge definitely offers a more pinpoint stimulation, if that’s your thing, but I found them to both be a little too narrow for my preferences. From the product images, I would guess BMS is suggesting you stick to the pointed edge for clit stim as that makes it slightly easier to press the button.

I did find myself accidentally pressing that button and turning off the vibrator a few times. That happens will smaller toys that don’t have room for me to apply pressure. I may just be a little clumsy in that area, too. Still, turning it back on is pretty easy.

The packaging describes this as a soft touch toy, and it makes sense when you feel the silicone: the outer layer feels plush and offers some give, but it’s over a rigid form. The silicone is closer to the shiny type than the velvety, offering a lot of drag against the skin, so you may want to use water-based lubed, especially if you’re using one of the internal toys.

Although the package calls this waterproof, there’s still a visible port for plugging in the adapter. I don’t submerge toys, so I don’t have a problem with it, and I wasn’t particularly careful when washing, but I find this intriguing. Since I can’t see inside the hole, I have no idea what’s going on. I really like that the adapter has the Lead logo on it, though. Remember when I ruined my WeVibe with the adapter mix-up? Yea, don’t wanna do that again.

The Fresh washes up with soap and water but does collect a bit of lint. You can store it in the provided bag, which is made of brown canvas and features the Leaf logo. It seems they use the same bag for all the toys because this one is definitely overly large for the Fresh. I like bags that fit better, I suppose.

Like the bag, the box is a brown as well and made from recycled cardboard. Some folks have been saying this product isn’t as eco-friendly as BMS would have you believe and I can understand where they come from. The toy and adapter are still wrapped in plastic, the box is big and bulky, there’s a paper manual, and silicone and the internal battery are ultimately difficult to recycle. Leaf vibes don’t seem any more green to me, color aside, than most rechargeable toys I have.

So, Leaf vibes and the Fresh will work for some people but it wasn’t perfect for me. It still seemed high quality and it’s nice to have another ption if you’re a sexy toy connoisseur.

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