How to Talk to Women on Dating Sites

November 4th, 2011

Lest you think I’m some sort of sexist, the advice in this article absolutely pertains to communicating with men as well. However, in my experience, men seem to more often experience frustration and confusion when reaching out to a woman for a first time on a dating site. Having been on the receiving end, I can tell you there’s a few simple things that will make me more likely to respond, even if you’re not necessarily my type or if I’m not immediately attracted to you. So, for all the women who are sick of signing in to messages that just read “Hi” or include a phone number (why?), here’s some advice,

Read her profile.
Seriously. Take some times to read it two or three times. Make note of anything you find interesting or confusing or anything that you simply have in common. Unfortunately, this is where you need to realize that you may have nothing in common. Even if she’s incredibly attractive — and especially if her profile gives no indication of wanting casual sex — you may need to forget her. You won’t know this if you don’t take the time to read, folks. However, if you do find some compatibility, click the button to send her a message. Nevertheless, this is a great place to list a few common interests.

Introduce yourself.
Just a sentence or two about who you are and where you’re from. “Hi, I’m Jon. I saw your profile today and you look pretty interesting.” To make yourself more memorable, explain why you took the time to message her. If you can’t think of anything besides “you’re hot,” you should probably delete the message.

Ask her something.
Don’t just end the exchange on an awkward note that forces your recipient to force a conversation. Ask something! Preferably, you’ll ask something related to her profile. This shows that you’ve read it and you’re interested and, also, that you have a brain. Perhaps you can ask why she does what she does (work/school) or what it’s like to be a person who [fill in your own blank]. The key, here, is to build a conversation that is less generic because you can only be having it with her.

Send your message
That’s it. You’ve got a little of you, a little or her and some ideas about “us.” Either you’re intriguing or thoughtful enough that she’ll respond or she won’t but you’ve made it that much easier for her to respond.

Here’s a few tips to help your post to come off even better. Use proper grammar to the best of your ability. No one expects you to be perfect but at least put in an effort. Avoid text/chat speak. This means you might avoid typing on your phone at all and, instead, save the interactions for when you have a full keyboard within reach. With that said, don’t send essays every time. Time is valuable and you should be able to succinctly get your message across without making your reader feel like she is doing homework. Leave a little to the imagination. Don’t show all your deep, dark secrets and rattle off your entire life’s history within five minutes of her first response. Let her wonder and, if she is so inclined, inquire about you.

Be open and honest if you expect the same. It doesn’t guarantee it but the effort goes a long way. Remember that humor and silliness doesn’t always come off the way you intend online and, because first impressions are so important, you may want to hold back until you know her better. If you attempt, and fail, at humor, feel free to lightly apologize. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to make a good impression and my nerves may have gotten the best of me.”

What you don’t do it just as important as what you do do. So don’t talk all about you, don’t be rude or dismissive, don’t make fun of her (even if you’re a funny guy), don’t assume you’re already in or that you are somehow better than her and she is lucky to have caught your attention and don’t assume that you’re a loser who would never deserve a response. In fact, stay as positive as possible. A negative attitude will quickly turn off potential friends and lovers.

Be patient. Even if someone is actively pursuing a new relationship via the Internet, she still has a life. Don’t write someone off who moves at a different pace than you. Responses may take a while and she may want to take time to be angaging and appear thoughtful. You should also take your time when crafting messages for the very same reason. This is especially important with your first message because your reader may not even take the time to view your profile if you butcher the conversation.

Expect awkwardness. In fact, sometimes acknowledging it can break the ice. Dating sites have thrown a lot of traditional etiquette and expectations to the wind. Everyone’s learning how to be successful with this new medium and how to incorporate apps and text messaging into blooming relationships.

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Vanity by Jopen #4

November 3rd, 2011

Vanity by Jopen #4

Vanity by Jopen #4
from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

The VR-4 marks the third Vanity by Jopen rabbit that I’ve tried and the third that I didn’t like. All the shapes are just slightly different enough that I find it hard to figure out which would work for me. The Vr. 6 was extremely rigid. Like Lelo’s Ina, it was a little pinchy.. but I liked the vibrations.

The Jopen #4 actually differs in that the neck of the shaft is quite flexible so you can experiment a little more with positions. This means it may work better for a variety of users.. or so I’d guess. The head of the shaft is a rigid silicone, however, so you can still get pressure where you need it.

The shaft is also more angular, too. First, it curves backward to accommodate the pubic bone. Then it curves forward toward the G-spot. The very tip curves very slightly back once more. In use, it really presses up against the G-spot. This is good for squirting — I did a lot — and makes me feel fuller but the angle isn’t so good for thrusting. I find myself having to be a little more careful. #4 provides direct stimulation in the way that’s best for users who like to hold a vibrator against their G-spot. The angles make the 3.5″x 1.5″ shaft feel much larger than it is, in my experience. My cervix is a little unhappy.

The insertable portion runs on its own motor that is powered by a single button. I’ve described that in detail here so I won’t do it again. I like it but I’m not used to it. Every time I reach for a Jopen toy, I have to relearn the buttons. Unless CEN plans to make all its toys operate in this manner, I think maybe it should consider not reinventing the wheel.

The clitoral arm is also more flexible. It doesn’t seem to have the motor right in it but just under it, so the vibrations here are weaker than I recall the Vr 6. The silicone provides a firm but flexible stimulation that I would like, except the arms just too damned short for me. It measures just over an inch long and is about 4/5″ wide. It probably wouldn’t provide the broad pressure I like if it did reach, though. The clitoral stimulator gets its own button. See above for my thoughts.

Overall, the Vanity by Jopen #4 seemed a little less powerful than other Jopen vibrators. This is especially noticeable in the clitoral arm. At times, the shaft motor also seemed jerky. This isn’t something I’ve experienced before and it’s not a deal-breaker, but it’s interesting enough to note.

Like the other toys in the line, this toy is rechargeable (there’s a light on the toy itself to indicate status) and comes with the adapter and a super large storage bag. I mentioned it before, but it’s so stretchy that it’s almost unwieldy. I’m not a fan. Jopen vibes are all waterproof, made of non-porous silicone and not compatible with silicone lubes.

The flexibility is the strongest feature of the Vanity by Jopen #4. I like how it creates more room for the pubic bone, too, but it does so in a way that presses toward the back vaginal wall, and I don’t like that so much. If you want a decently powered vibrator and think that this one will fit your proportions, you could do much worse.

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Make love to your long distance lover online

Flurry O2

November 2nd, 2011

Flurry O2 Dildo By Tantus

Flurry O2 Dildo By Tantus
$54.99 from SheVibe

I am super excited to write this review because, up until now, I haven’t been all that satisfied with any Tantus product. It’s not that they’re not high quality. It’s just that my vagina has become a Finicky Fanny (if I may borrow the English usage of the word). There’s a specific shape and specific size and specific texture that it likes and then there’s well.. everything else. Unfortunately, the specifics seem to change so I’ve become quite awful at trying to guess whether or not a dildo will do it for me. The Flurry does it for me. I love the Flurry.

Like the Cush, Flurry is available in pastels and uses the O2 formula. Flurry is not my first O2 dildo. In fact, I wasn’t blown over by the Adam and wound up swapping it. While interesting, Adam was most regular than it was O2. The outter layer was thin and inconsistent. This is great for anyone looking for a firm dildo with just a touch of realism but for someone like myself, who can’t get enough of VixSkin, Adam just wasn’t different enough.

I was about ready to give up but I’d heard that some of the other O2 dildos were less firm and, it seems to be, that this is the case with the less realistic toys. The color silicone and more fantastic dildos in the line seem to be the less firm ones. I could be wrong but it’s worth noting.

Flurry is especially squishy at the head. The “front” of the shaft, that would stroke the G-spot, is more plush than the back. The core is still quite rigid — moreso than a VixSkin toy — and you can really feel it when stroking the dildo with your hand. It feels like a layer of squishy skin but harder than any penis I know.

Flurry is semi-realistic. The head is rounded and sculpted like a real cock but there’s another ridge below it — a quite pronounced ridge — that I haven’t seen on any actual penis I’ve fucked or sucked. It’s a limited number but still. The shaft is pretty straight and relatively consistent in terms of girth. The base flares out flat so you can use it with a harness, and there’s no balls here. I’m so over balls on my sex toys. Sorry.

By the numbers, Flurry is 7″ long and has a diameter of 1.5″. It’s a good length and firmly in the category of medium-sized toys. The head is slightly less girthy than the shaft, and the contoured shape helps insertion but those ridges, again, are really pronounced. My pussy doesn’t necessarily feel texture beyond “hmm, there’s something going on here” but I could distinctly feel those ridges. Right on, Tantus.

So I enjoy thrusting and my easy-to-reach G-spot is just fine and happy with the ridges on this. If I’m masturbating to (clitoral) orgasm, I can clench my legs around the Flurry, and it feels good. Not quite as good as my Tex, you know, but awesome anyway. In addition to this, the super squishy head is so much easier on my cervix, which has decided that should anything touch it, it will scream in pain. )= Except (= because that doesn’t happen with the Flurry.

This dildo will not be going up on any toy swap list. In fact, I will probably keep it in my top nightstand drawer with such covered toys as my VixSkin Tex, the Miracle Massager and my Liberator glass dildo.

SheVibe sells this dildo for an awesome $54.99. Go get one.

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Categories: Dildos, Reviews

No Thank You

October 29th, 2011

I’ve gotten a lot of interesting messages on OkCupid. Most of the ones I’ve started myself have fizzled out. I’ve made a good friend fallen in love with an adorable geek and I’ve had some interesting conversations. I’ve assigned nicknames to the people who really stuck out in my mind, including the Hot Nerd and Creepy Tall Guy. Now I can add this guy to the list; although, I don’t have a nickname yet. I’m thinking The Obnoxious Douchebag.

His first message didn’t sit quite right with me:

I read your “you should msg me if”…..and I fit ALL 3 of ’em. You look at my photo and you think “jock” “asshole” or whatever else comes to mind that’s intellectually demeaning. But I assure you, I’ve spent the vast majority of my life in nerddom. Much of that’s changed over the past 3 years or so, but…..I’ll always be a geek at heart. Afterall, my major is Math with actuarial emphasis. English was actually my second language; I learned numbers first. I’m a bit of a numbers freak (I’ve seriously freaked people out). But I don’t let many know that. But since you alluded to you having interest in geeky dudes, I figured I’d put the shit on point so I got another reason to message you. And for God’s sake, post a profile pic of you smiling, would ya! 🙂

And so I let him know. I wasn’t super interested in anything he’d said or his pictures but I figured, maybe he was nervous and we could turn things around when I responded:

I’m glad you read my profile but I do have to say that your message came off a bit aggressive. I feel almost as if you’re attacking me — in fact, you assume that I would make assumptions — and it’s a bit awkward, especially with the smiley face on the end. Perhaps you are just eager and/or I’m reading a bit much into this but I’d like to suggest, as politely as possible, that you might want to start out a bit differently, more calmly, so as to not scare off people in the future.

I checked with a guy friend to make sure it was friendly but on point. Apparently the meaning went over The Obnoxious Douchebag’s head because his response was this:

Um….there r so many chicks w so many dif personalities out there, i aint worried bout scaring a couple ubersensitive ones off.

That’s fine. Plenty of fish in the sea. Unless maybe you’ve resorted to a dating site. Then maybe you out to worry about how you might be scaring off the “chicks.” Also, use some God damned English, would ya?!

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Shunga Edible Body Powder

October 26th, 2011

Shunga Edible Body Powder

Shunga Edible Body Powder
$26.59 from Of Sex and Love Store

Body dusts are a super sensual and, may I claim, vanilla way to spice up the sex life. I was actually surprised with a tin of Shunga’s dust with my last shipment from FunWares and it was from Shunga. I’d been wanting to try their dust to compare with the Kama Sutra stuff I bought a while back. As it turns out, dust is really simple and there’s not much to say about it, let alone to compare.

The tin includes a plastic bag of white dust that is double-sealed. This is great because dust tends to be.. dusty. When you open it, expect a poof of dust that you will be able to see float through the air. There’s a pretty satin bag for placing the plastic bag in, I guess, and a feather applicator. Shunga actually includes a little note that you can restore the state of a used and abused feather by holding it over steam. Who knew? Well, I guess they did.

The dust itself is super fine and silky feeling. It spreads into the skin in a translucent layer that you then lick off. The flavor I received was Raspberry. I’ll be honest, it doesn’t come off as raspberry exactly but it’s pleasant. It smells very much like bubblegum, and the taste has a touch of citrus with more bubblegum. I do wish the flavor was truer to the label, though.

The dust does have a bit of a chalky texture so you won’t want to gobble it down in spoonfuls. A few licks will probably suffice, unless you really like it. Then who am I to stop you from enjoying yourself?

I have to be honest, though. I don’t find the feather to be the best applicator. The body dust is fine enough that I almost can’t see it on there unless I really glob it on. The feather itself is quite large, almost too big to fit into the container without pinching it in the cap, and you don’t get an adequate application. I’m probably just nitpicking because it’s what I do. Feathers are fun and feel silky on the skin, of course. Perhaps that negates my pickiness.

There’s actually quite a large amount of body dust in the Shunga tin. Short of bathing in it, I don’t know how I’ll ever use it all. This is especially true because I know own two different body dust products. Ope.

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Categories: Reviews

Lelo Tiani

October 23rd, 2011

Tiani

Tiani
from

Tiani is now in its third version.

By now, you’re probably seen the press releases and more than a handful reviews about Lelo’s new toys, which the company released over a month ago. These additions to the Insignia range are all wireless and use what Lelo is calling SenseMotion technology to operate. Lelo was kind enough to offer me my choice for review so I opted for the Tiani, the toy that I felt would be easier to review without a partner, which is basically a smaller version of the WeVibe in a silky silicone. However, the Lyla, Oden and Tiani are best intended for partner use. So while I want to thank Lelo, I was to be absolutely clear that they missed the mark and this is why.

Tiani is too damned weak and buzzy. Even on its highest setting, it barely registers as more than a tickle. There’s not enough variance between the low and high and the pitch is too high for any sort of pulsation to be stimulating. If you need anything stronger than a watch battery bullet, the Tiani is not for you. This is especially disappointing, considering how deep the WeVibe’s vibrations are, even if they aren’t that strong.

Tiani is confusing. I don’t like having to read directions. There, I said it and, you know what? Who wants to have to sit down and read a book to figure out how to operate their sex toy? But I had to, from beginning to end. First, I had to figure out how to charge it. Here’s a tip: the plastic band in the middle of the toy is actually where the toy parts twist together. The adapter plugs into one end once you take it apart. The plastic band around the toy itself isn’t seamless, and the way the pieces screw together seems very cheap. The Insignia line is supposed to be waterproof, but this design doesn’t even include a removable O-ring. My Alia seemed a little safer. However, I doubt the shower or pool would be an ideal place to use it anyway, considering the weak vibes and remote problems.

Then I had to figure out how to use it. You have to press a button on the remote and then a button on the controller, then another button on the toy itself to activate it. Then you have to figure out how SenseMotion works, which leads me to my next point.

SenseMotion is novel but not practical in the least. Thank god Lelo still allows you to use the remote normally, but there are two super weird settings you have to pass first. The first mode relies on the position of the remote. Flip it vertically to raise vibrations, back down to lower them. The controller itself vibrates to offer feedback to the user. That’s kind of a neat idea, but it also means the controller makes noise, so that limits where and when you might be able to use the SenseMotion toys, in my opinion. In the first mode, a back-and-forth movement simulates pulsation. Well, sort of. There’s this bit of delay between movement and the vibration in the Tiani, and it’s hard to get a good rhythm going.

The second mode, which you can activate by pressing the middle of three buttons, simply requires you to move the controller faster to increase the intensity of the vibrations. This means, that if you want to use the vibrations at the highest setting, you need to shake it pretty good.. which also works against it being inconspicuous as so many wireless vibrators aim to be. It’s also tiring and annoying.

The third mode is one where you simply press the + arrow to increase vibrations and the – arrow to decrease. It’s the one I like the most because it makes sense and doesn’t require too much concentration. I wish the controller turned onto this mode instead. There are eight settings, including pulsation and escalation and I swear the controller is more powerful than the Tiani itself.

Aside from awkwardness and confusion, the Tiani is rechargeable but still requires batteries. Man, I hate that about wireless toys. It’s the controller that requires batteries, 2 AAAs to be exact. Insertion is kind of a bitch. The battery cover is designed so that you have to use a little key to open it, or potentially a fingernail. I don’t know. I was so excited to try it out that I somehow used my fingers and forced myself to just press it open, but it sucked. Then you insert the batteries and closing the case is much more difficult without the key that I didn’t even realize existed because..

Tiani comes with too much damned stuff. Seriously. Manual, batteries, key, brooch, packet of lube, controller, vibrator, storage pouch. The controller, brooch and vibe sit on top of foam inserts and everything else sits under, in the hollow of the box. My batteries and key actually got wedged in there, so I didn’t realize there was a key to open it until I read another review. Opening the battery compartment then became so much easier, but why does Lelo think the consumer needs all this crap? I can almost guarantee I’m going to lose the key, and the only reason I won’t lose the brooch is because I’ll never take it out of the box. It’s all a lot to keep an eye on.

At the end of the day, I wouldn’t mind, but the Tiani just doesn’t work very well. The remote starts to fail as soon as any objects come between it and the vibrator. In mode three, the remote can’t even transmit through a thin layer of fabric, let alone walls. I’m not a fan of the shape either. The insertable part is smaller than that of the WeVibe, which may be better for using during intercourse but also makes it more difficult to adequately stimulate my G-spot. The arm is also extremely flexible so it’s difficult to get a lot of pressure. Paired with the weak vibrations, the Tiani didn’t do much for me. Plus, the silky silicone is so slippery. There’s no good place to hold for insertion or to get just the right angle. My fingers kept slipping off.

The Tiani also has a ridiculously short battery life. After charging completely, I was able to use it once and play with it, for testing purposes, twice. We’re talking far less than an hour here. The Tiani’s meager vibrations are a freaking battery hog.

So we have a vibrator that isn’t very good, a wireless control that doesn’t work very well, a rechargeable toy that also needs batteries. The Lelo Tiani just doesn’t do much right besides looking pretty and even that’s a stretch.

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Tantus VIP Super Soft

October 17th, 2011

Tantus VIP Super Soft

Tantus VIP Super Soft
$62.99 from Amazon

The VIP is the first of the Super Soft dildos I’ve seen available on any third-party retailers. Tantus actually makes several of their pieces with this formula, including Mark, Adam and Mikey. If you’ve been around a while, you’ll notice that I didn’t enjoy the Adam O2 very much. I was hoping for something more VixSkin-like but the dual-density formula was firmer than I was looking for, which meant that the already hefty Adam was too big for my tastes.

I should have paid attention because I had a similar issue with the VIP. This is a big one, baby. But I do find the super-soft texture quite interesting, so even though it’s not my cup of tea, it could be yours.

The name “super soft” is dead on. This stuff is crazy soft and squishy. You can grab it and it’ll bulge out in other areas. Super soft may be ideal for the sex toy lover who wants something more hygienic than cyberskin and something that will last pretty much forever. On the downside, the soft formula does seem to dent a little easier and, as always, silicone does like to pick up lint.

The VIP is super soft all the way through. There’s no solid inner core. Thus, you can bend it and squish it any way you want. Because the VIP is so long, it does flop over but it’s thick enough that it wouldn’t be completely reasonable as a packing cock.. unless your pants had a lot of room. The heavy silicone only measures 7″ from end to end but it’s got a 5″ (1.59″ diameter) that is pretty consistent throughout the length of the toy. The head is slightly contoured to be round, and has a slight ridge, but isn’t realistic. Besides being straight, the shaft is really quite smooth.

The biggest feature, design-wise, is the balls.. but I’m not a big fan. This is already a heavy toy — it seems like the silicone may be denser than most — the balls just make it unwieldy without adding much stimulation, in my opinion. I’d also just prefer to grasp a rounded/flared base. My hands are small so the balls get in the way. Some might like the visual aspect or think it adds realism.

The super soft silicone isn’t very realistic feeling even though it’s fun. I find it a little unwieldy because the silicone is so squishy, it doesn’t thrust super well, even with a lot of (water-based) lube. The shaft does have a G-spot curve if the sheer mass doesn’t hit your spot. It did hit mine but in a general way that wasn’t as focused as I tend to like.

I think that Tantus’ super soft silicone is a great idea but the VIP isn’t the size for me. I’d be interested in trying other pieces made out of this material in the future, though — preferably without any attached balls.

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