Vanity by Jopen #5

May 11th, 2011

Vanity by Jopen #5

Vanity by Jopen #5
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued item

Because I’ve already reviewed the Vr 6, I don’t want to rehash all the details. These two vibrators are quite similar, and you can read all the details here. The most important difference between the #5 and #6 vibrators in this line is the shape. #5 has a shorter clitoral arm (only .75″) that balloons out slightly and doesn’t angle toward the body like the arm on #6. In addition to this, the shaft bulges slightly, narrows, and bulges again. At the narrow point, there is a bit of flexibility, so you can angle just the head. The clitoral arm is also much more flexible than the arm on #6. The shaft retains about the same amount of length as #6 (4.25″), although #5 isn’t nearly as wide at any point. The widest point is a circumference of 1.25″ so it falls toward the smaller end of the spectrum. The head is slightly bulbous and more angular, for more precise G-spot stimulation instead of the broad pressure that #6 provides.

However, Vr5 is also a rechargeable rabbit vibrator, made of velvety fuchsia silicone. There are two motors that are controlled by separate buttons. California Exotics has used this button style before and I’ll remind you what I think about the way they function:

One push turns them on. Push and hold to increase intensity and push and release to turn it off. It’s similar to the Couture Collection wand I have. I can’t fault them because it works but I can say it kind of feels like they’re reinventing the wheel and that if you frequently use other toys that require you to push to get to the next setting, you may find yourself turning off the Jopen vibrators and this can be frustrating. Really, I like the style of the controls but I probably won’t be able to get used to them unless the entire sex toy industry adopts them.

Another difference is the location of the motors. In the Vr5, these vibrations are centered in the tip and mid-body, instead of directly in the clitoral stimulator. Thus, you get more internal stimulation with residual vibrations against the clitoris–if the clitoral arm even reaches yours. Unfortunately for me, that’s not really an option with the Vr5. Nevertheless, both vibrators I’ve had a chance to try have impressively strong and deep vibrations.

The claim is that this entire line is waterproof even though there’s no cover over the charging port, and it seems to remain open all the time. However, I’ve not had any issues with this and other reviewers have even submerged their Vanity by Jopen vibrators while turned on with no ill effects. Cleaning is a breeze, with soap and water; although the material does collect lint. You can minimize it by storing this in the Jopen pouch that comes with every toy in the line. It’s large enough for the charging adapter, but I found the bag so big it’s unwieldy. I wouldn’t mind something a wee bit smaller.

Sadly, I prefer the shaft design of the Vr5, even though I probably would have been more apt to pick the Vr6 as a customer. Unfortunately, the short clitoral arm would just never work for me.

CEN Sexpert

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Love Bunnies

May 10th, 2011

Love Bunnies

Love Bunnies
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued item

Some bunny loves me.. but it’s not one of the Love Bunnies. I requested to review these tiny vibrators from Babeland because they’re absolutely adorable. I didn’t know if they’d get me off but tis the season for bunnies and bright colors and all that bollocks.

So the Love Bunnies come in a super colorful box. It’s reminiscent of a child’s toy and you may even want to keep it out of your kid’s line of sight because of the design. While fun, it’s sort orf confusing. To add to the fun, the package comes complete with an “Official Adoption Certificate.” Lovehoney’s packaging is amazingly detailed with this product and I almost want them to come out with actual children’s toys.

The colorful Love Bunnies vibrator sits in a plastic holder inside the box against a brightly colored backdrop. The bunnies themselves are pretty straightforward. A tiny bullet vibrator sits inside a bunny shape—complete with ears and tail. You have to uncap and remove a paper tab before you can use the Love Bunnies. There’s a single push button for the single speed. I found that it likes to stick, so sometimes I have to press it twice or more to actually get it to work.

Of course, as any watch battery-powered toy, the vibrations are both weak and buzzy. They’re the type that I quickly become “numb” to after a short period. That is to say, I literally cannot feel them after a few minutes. This is a shame because the roundness of the Love Bunnies actually stimulates me in a way that I find quite enjoyable. You may prefer to surround your clit, nipples or other sensitive parts with the ears but I like round shapes and pressure rather than pinpoint stimulation. The Love Bunnies actually provide both, unlike some other novelty vibrators (coughIRubMyduckiecough).

What disappointed me even more was that, as I used the Love Bunnies vibe for the very first time, the batteries died–maybe 20 minutes in. As these type of batteries can be difficult and pricey to obtain, that’s definitely a major drawback. I toss toys that require specialty batteries or suck them dry into a drawer, rarely to be touched again.

Washing up was easy enough, although I don’t know if these vibrators are supposed to be water—or splash-proof. There’s very little information in the packaging. As I began to type this, I didn’t even know what the Love Bunnies were made of—silicone, as it turns out—but this information is sneakily printed on the bottom of the box.

So while cute and silicone, easy to use, and packaged quite nicely, the Love Bunnies best get to hoppin’. They just don’t cut it.

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Cake Lip Plumper

May 9th, 2011

Cake Lip Plumper Angel Food

Cake Lip Plumper Angel Food

This product has been discontinued since I originally reviewed it.

I don’t know about you but I own a lot of lip glosses. I don’t know why exactly. I just love when my lips are shiny and shimmery and smell good, even if I’m not being kissed. I expected that I’d love the Cake lip plumper because I also love sweets.

This plumper comes in a .20 fl ounce tube with the typical lip gloss applicator. The tube is a little smaller than most of them I own but that’s not a bad thing necessarily. The design is super cute: black and liht teal with red accents. The tube and box feature a pin-up style woman and even the font alludes to a previous time.

The product makes a couple claims. 1) It tingles. This is pretty accurate. You can definitely feel the plumper at work after you apply it. If you’ve used other lip plumping products, then you’ll be familiar with the feeling. It can get a little uncomfortable so you may want to be pretty sparse with our applications at first.

Secondly, the product is scented. I received the Angel Food Cake scent; however, there are other cake scents available. My biggest complaint with the product is that it does not smell like angel food cake. There’s a distinct mocha sort of scent and, as I’m not a fan of coffee, this is both confusing and a turn-off.

At least it’s not as terrible as the rancid-smelling body butters in this line.

Lastly, the Cake Lip Plumper is supposed to taste like cake. Let me tell you this: the cake is a lie. It is not flavoured. It tastes like wax, which is typical of many lip products. Thus, you won’t want to run around licking your lips the way you would when wearing VS lip gloss. Just sayin’. Nevertheless, this lip gloss is far less sticky than any I’ve tried by VS, which I do like.

Appearance wise, the Cake gloss adds shine but no color. As for the plumping abilities, I can’t say that I noticed much of a difference and this obviously isn’t intended to have permanent effects.

I’d still be satisfied with this product if I enjoyed the scent and I suspect that I probably would enjoy some of the other scents (cookie dough, devils food), if they’re actually what you would expect. The Lip Plumper is decent as a lip product, with vitamins E and C. I just wish the angel food scent was accurate.

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Bondage I Rub My Duckie Travel Vibe in Black & Red

May 5th, 2011

Bondage I Rub My Duckie

Bondage I Rub My Duckie
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

I think we’re all glad that this is my last review for any item in the I Rub My Duckie line. I’m kind of sick of repeating myself, and I have officially drawn the line. No matter how cute these damned things are, I don’t need another one, especially when they just don’t cut it.

The Black and Red Mini Bondage duckie is probably one of the best designs, in my not-so-humble opinion. The original bondage duckie is awesome but this color scheme is just spectacular. The details, from the spiked color to the corset lacing in front, are immaculate. The ball gag is adorable and, once again, the painted eyelashes are gender coded. As you can guess, this duckie is much less inconspicuous than its brothers and sisters, so you’ll want to tuck it away when Mom and Dad visit (unless your parents are into BDSM!).

But aside from that, this duckie just doesn’t cut it. The shape doesn’t work well to stimulate any area or to hold while you struggle to get off. The spikes on this one can actually be a little uncomfortable or painful, too. It doesn’t float. The molding is sloppy, and water gets into the battery area. The duckie flops on its side when in water (boo!). There’s only a single speed of vibration, and the knob requires a bit more effort than a button. The vibrations are buzzy and ridiculously weak, as you would expect from a vibrator powered by a single AAA battery. You need a fingernail or steel, a coin, or some other flat device to open the battery compartment in the first place. For its size and strength, the duckie is just far too loud. All the ridges and text and other crap on the bottom of the Bondage I Rub My Duckie Travel Vibe just create a ton of space for lubes and liquids to make themselves at home. I will never feel like any of the duckies are truly clean.

For $20, you can get a decent bullet and actually get off. Consider the duckie vibrators as novelty only.

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Jopen Vanity Vr.6

April 28th, 2011

Jopen Vanity Vr.6
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued item.

I first ran across the Vanity by Jopen line a few months back. I was intrigued. Cal Exotics has really been trying to bring higher quality items to the market, and while it was good to see that from one of the big five (four?), none of the products I’d tried really caught my interest. While better designed, they all lacked power. So, while I was intrigued, I tried not to set my expectations too high because I’d been disappointed before.

Let me get straight to the point: Cal Exotics has finally gotten it right in terms of power. The Jopen Vanity Vr.6 has vibrations that show both great strength and depth. The vibrations are deeper than Lelo’s Ina, for example. For me, this means I don’t have to adjust them too much to find the right setting, and my G-spot responds ridiculously well. When I turn on both functions, each with their own motor, it’s a damned experience. A++++ as they say on Ebay. Of course, no toy is really whisper quiet. You can hear this one, although I can’t say it operates at an unacceptable volume level.

And turning them on is really easy. Cal Exotics has created two simple buttons. One push turns them on. Push and hold to increase intensity and push and release to turn it off. It’s similar to the Couture Collection wand I have. I can’t fault them because it works, but I can say it kind of feels like they’re reinventing the wheel and that if you frequently use other toys that require you to push to get to the next setting, you may find yourself turning off the Jopen vibrators and this can be frustrating. Really, I like the style of the controls, but I probably won’t be able to get used to them unless the entire sex toy industry adopts them.

Design-wise, the Jopen is attractive but not stunning. I still prefer the look of Lelo toys. The Vr6 is a bit boring with its all-over color, but I have to say that, in person, it’s a lovely shade of fuchsia that just doesn’t show up very well in pictures. It’s slightly more pink/red than the images show and is more attractive. It’s still purple, and that’s still majorly overused in sex toy design, but it’s an interesting sort of purple.

I usually yell at people who do not explicitly spell out what a toy looks like in their review, so the Jopen Vr6 is a rabbit vibrator with a shape similar to the Lelo Ina. The clitoral arm curves toward the boy while the shaft curves upward toward the G-spot. The shaft is quite thin but grows into a bulbous animal at the end. It’s a pretty typical design in terms of contemporary rabbit vibrators.

As I mentioned, the all-over color is due to the pure silicone exterior of the Vanity by Jopen line of toys. Like any claim of seamlessness, this isn’t quite the case. You can see it and feel it with your hand–although, not in use. It’s not one of those seams that’s going to let water in, however. In fact, California Exotics claims 100% waterproofness despite the fact that you still plug the AC adapter into a port on the back of the toy. The port is snugly surrounded by silicone that retains shape after removing the charger, like some of the newer Lelo toys. To be honest, I never play with toys in the shower, but I’m pretty messy when I clean them, so as long as a toy holds up to soap and water, I’m fine.

Speaking of silicone, the texture on this one is velvety and, yes, attracts lint more than my couch during shedding season (that’s now boys and girls!). It feels nice to the touch, offers a bit of drag which could be a pro or a con for some.

I haven’t mentioned how this performed for me, because, well, it sucked. California Exotics has finally created a quality toy that I want to love and I just can’t. The specific design of the Vr6 just doesn’t sit right in my body. The shaft struggles for space, against my pubic bone, in my vagina. The bulbousness, the length, and the angle all seem to be wrong for me, even though the numbers (1.5″ diameter and 4.25″ insertable) are not intimidating. It’s pretty run-of-the-mill. Yet, I can’t even fully insert this and because I can’t fully insert it, the clitoral arm comes nowhere near my clitoris. It just pinches against my pubic bone on the outside. So, really, they could call this the “Destroyer of Adriana’s Pubic Bone” and be right on the money. Nevertheless, I have long suspected that my bone sits at a unique angle and, perhaps, pokes out a little further into my vaginal canal, so I suspect that most will not have that problem.

One thing I am happy to announce is the Cal Exotics is slowly introducing better packaging. The white box is simple and the logo may not be that impressive but it’s not a giant, plastic box that cuts you and breaks open during shipping. The company has also included a storage pouch with this vibrator. A gigantic, stretchy pouch that I could probably stuff one of my cats in. It’s huge. A little overkill, to be honest. There’s almost so much fabric as to be unwieldy.

So, hats off to some great improvements. Overall, the Jopen Vanity Vr.6 is a pretty fantastically functioning toy, but be sure to take your time when picking out the vibrator that’s right from you in this line. They all seem so similar, but I’m willing to bet those subtle differences have an astounding effect.

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Battle of the BabeLubes

April 21st, 2011

BabeLube Natural / BabeLube
$6+ from Babeland

While Babelube Natural is no longer available, you can still buy the regular version.

I think we all know that I am not exactly a lube connoisseur. Generally, as long as a lube doesn’t irritate me or have some characteristic that I cannot stand (such as being silicone-based), it will go in my nightstand and whichever I happen to reach for is fine. I don’t usually do comparison reviews, but I figured it would be a good format for writing my review for BabeLube Natural, Babeland’s natural and “organic” version of its water-based lubricant.

There’s a major difference between ingredients. BabeLube actually has a shorter list but it includes chemicals like polyoxyethylene, sodium carbomer, Phenoxyethanol, and ethylexyglycerin. Glycerin, as you probably realize, is one of those ingredients that can cause irritation in some folks. On the other hand, BabeLube Natural’s slightly longer list consists of purified water, plant cellulose, aloe babadensis, vitamin E, carrageenan, extracts of hibiscus, flax, green tea and sunflower seed, citric acid, and potassium sorbate. The list definitely sounds more natural, and I know both aloe and vitamin E are common in products that are touted as natural. I’ve also heard of a few lubes with carrageenan. But does that make it a better lube?

In use, I found the BabeLube Natural to be slightly thinner, but it still has a gel-like consistency and won’t drip all over when you’re applying it to yourself or a toy. Regular BabeLube is a bit thicker and I actually find it difficult to apply. Both lubes come in a squeezable bottle with a press-top cap, and BabeLube doesn’t like to move. I have to take the cap off and stick a finger in or bang it around for a few minutes so it becomes mobile.

I did a quick rub test for both of these and the result was that, while BabeLube felt fairly slick, BabeLube Naturals felt even slicker and was longer lasting in terms of lubrication. As BabeLube dried, it became a little tacky but, once completely dry, I could no longer feel the tackiness and didn’t need to wash it off. BabeLube Natural, however, was tackier and remained tackier for a while. Eventually, you won’t notice but you may want to wash it off at first.

Because of its thickness and slickness, I’d opt for BabeLube Natural but I’d probably enjoy regular Babelube a little better for clitoral stimulation as I am quite bothered by tackiness around my vulva. Both are compatible with all sorts of materials and activities but neither is going to do you a lick of good in wet situations because they’re water-soluble. For those activities, you’ll want a silicone-based lube. I recommend Uberlube (read my review).

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iRide

April 20th, 2011

iRide Mountable Vibrator
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

The iRide certainly puts the “novel” into adult novelties. That is for sure. In pictures, it sometimes looks like it might be a smaller toy, something that simply sits between your legs, almost like those panty vibrators. It’s not. It’s a big honking piece of plastic and silicone in God-awful Barbie pink. It looks–and feels–like a real child’s toy. It certainly doesn’t have the sort of design that’s so sleek and attractive that the toy itself can arouse you.

When I got it in the mail, it was in a big box. The actual packaging is a medium box that is, again, reminiscent of something Barbie-esque. The iRide sits in a plastic holder inside the box. I quickly did away with the box. It’s not that much bigger than the toy, but it’s neither discreet nor better than storing this giant vibrator on its own.

So, the iRide is kinda like a saddle that turns up in the front and back. It sports an insertable, vibrating shaft and a round/semi-sphere nub for clitoral stimulation (supposedly). The base is made of hard plastic, while the parts that touch the skin are soft, TPR in, again, Barbie pink. The shaft is approximately 4″ in length and tapers slightly toward its rounded end. Its pretty straight, all in all, and probably a bit big for a newbie. At the base, it has a diameter of 1.67″, so we’re looking at the medium-large end of the spectrum (although it’s not huge by any means) The clitoral nub is pretty huge and only 1/2″ or so from the position of the shaft. Unfortunately, because of the ridged plastic and the nature of the design, the iRide offers absolutely zero customization. Either it works for you, or it doesn’t. At a price of nearly $150, I would advise you to think long and hard before purchasing this vibrator.

Despite its size, the iRide runs on AA batteries. I guess I was expecting C cells. Doc Johnson crafted this one with a battery covery with springy sides that you pinch to remove (from the bottom of the unit) and an easy-insert battery pack that holds the 4AAs. Although I used some batteries that were probably less than fresh, I found the vibrations to be a bit buzzy. The shaft on the iRide is really comparable with some of the insertables I already own. It’s definitely enough to make me squirt, but, of course, I prefer deeper vibrations in terms of sensation.

This is the type of toy that you have to mount, so I lubed it up and tried it out. The TPR has enough give that insertion was easy enough, but I quickly found that the angle of the shaft on the iRide and the angle of my vaginal canal are not suited for one another. I found myself leaning forward so that the shaft wouldn’t stab into the front wall of my vagina. Nevertheless, it still aimed quite forcefully in that general direction. The more I leaned forward, the further from the clitoral nub did my clitoris move. See, mine’s much further than 1/2″ from my vaginal opening, plus I’m a little fleshy, so the nub just wasn’t far enough out or away from the shaft to work.

Logistically, the shape of the iRide just wasn’t working for me. It seemed to be a bit too wide between my legs (only 5″ but when something’s snuggled up against your pussy, that seems a lot, I guess) and kneeling like that left me much taller than the toy anyway. There wasn’t any way for me to hunker down so I could really get to grinding or rocking with the iRide, but I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve got some curvy thighs on me, so I’m not entirely surprised. It’s sad because there’s only so many positions you can do with this thing. While on the iRide I also felt a bit.. as though I were wearing a giant pad or diaper. It’s 12″ from stern to stern, and that thought just isn’t one that’s really conducive to sexy time.

I do have one more complaint about the iRide. Simply put, this giant beast is a bitch to clean. If you go the soap and water method, you wind up rubbing on some soap or cleaner and have to shove it in your sink and turn it this way and that to rinse it out (like the baking sheets that are just too damned big for your kitchen sink) and I highly doubt this thing is all that water resistant as there’s no seal around the battery compartment. Otherwise, you can wipe it down with something like Pjur Med or Afterglow wipes but that’s a little less than ideal because the TPR catches lint and hair and such and it’s really essential to use running water to rinse those away.

I honestly think we’d all be better off spending our money on one good vibrator and a position pillow with some sort of pocket that can hold our beloved vibrators. At least that way, it’s possible to customize the toy.

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Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.