The Second Time Around

March 10th, 2011

I bet you wish this post is aptly titled because my love life is going swimmingly. I do too–sorta (don’t worry, it’s not going badly), but this is a recap of past reviews.

It hasn’t been that long since I switched away from the Exotic Fruit Shower Gel by Shunga and I’m back on it. Although I didn’t touch on it in my original review, I have come to realize that my skin’s complexion is a little poorer when using this product, than when using your standard shower gels. Secondly, I find that I do not stay as clean and fresh smelling, especially around the intimate parts, when I cleanse with this shower gel. Although I do enjoy the scent, I feel like my money would be better spent on something from the drug store.

I loved the shape of my first Tuyo and raved about it even though it sounded like an inefficient chainsaw during use–that is, until it broke. I did wind up replacing the vibrator when I had the funds but, sadly, I just don’t seem to be enjoying Tuyo 2.0 as much. Luckily, though, it’s far less loud than the previous one (although not as quiet as I would like), so I needn’t worry about having the cops called on me during my masturbation sessions.

Liberator Throe remains as useful as useful
Liberator Throe remains as useful as useful

On the positive side, my Liberator Throw has become a staple in my sexual routine, and I rarely play—solo or with others—without it. Even having to contact the company when my original was defective (and their customer service was awesome!), I could not recommend this more to people who have had issues with lubes and liquids on their linens and furniture. For me, it’s even become an aid when setting the ambiance.

My love for my Lelo Siri continues and is only dwarfed by my respect for its battery time. I can only recall charging it once and the batteries are just now starting to die, after 6 months of on-and-off use. Granted, my sessions are usually around 10 minutes or so but I actually forgot that this one requires charging until it started to glow red! Not only has this remained my go-to toy but it’s probably the most valued toy in my entire collection.

My last update is on the Inttimo Kitty Shave Kreme by Wet. Although it smells nice, was slick and I like the pump bottle, it took me some time to realize that I wasn’t as happy with this shaving cream as I originally thought. It wasn’t until I read another’s review that I realized this shaving cream really doesn’t give me as close a shave as other shaving creams. Secondly, the constant itching after I would use this to shave my legs never faded. It just became something I grew used to. I don’t necessarily dislike this product, but it’s not a premium product, nor should it retail at such high prices. Coochy Cream and System Jo’s new shaving cream are both superior options.

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Adventures in Craigslist Ads

March 8th, 2011

Unless you guessed that I put up an ad on the local Craigslist, searching for (male) sexting partners.

Then you win a gold star. If you, somehow guessed that, then you may not be surprised to learn that I received a dozen replies in less than a day and many of them were laughable. Lucky for you, I plan on sharing.

The first guy tried..

*runs fingers up her sides under her shirt with the lightest drag of nails as I lean in to steal a deep, long kiss*

I’d love to chat some more…

At least, his use of punctuation was more attractive than this guy:

i hope this catches your eye feeling those moist tender pink lips gently rubbing them touching your clit rubbing it then bringing my tongue down and tasting that sweet hot lips licking them sticking my tongue deep inside yum

This one (from a woman?) is probably spam:

Hi!!

How are you doing to day?

Hope to hear from you..

Thanks

Cheyenne

This sounds like a whole can of worms I do not want to open:

Hi, I saw your ad and I would be interested in being your flirt and sexting friend if you’re interested. I’m 28 6’4 and 270 lbs, also around 6 1/2. I’m pretty open and creative sexually. I’m a closet bisexual however mostly just stick to women due to fear of getting caught. I love eating pussy and well licking everywhere fun..

Some lazy typing to be seen from this guy:

Hey hun. I would slowly rub u down with some massage oil from ur neck to ur toes. Kisss u softly on the neck. And the rest would be a suprise!

Some guys have more confidence than others:

I have to warn you that I have seduced through texting. I accidentally texted the wrong number once and ended up meeting her in California for a good time.

While others make big promises:

I will lick your pussy until you are writhing in ecstasy.

Some have typical fantasies:

I would like to have you in a bikini doing you and cum on you.

This one actually confused me at first:

hey there sexy. couldnt stop looking at ur nice rack poping out of that lovely shirt. you wanna come back to my place so i can rip that shirt off of you and fuck the shit out of them.

And at least two fellas completely forgot their numbers (one did send another response, however).

Who do you vote gets my number?

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Sweetheart I Rub My Duckie

March 7th, 2011

Sweetheart I Rub My Duckie

Sweetheart I Rub My Duckie
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

I have a soft spot for the duckie vibrators. Time and again, they have proved to be not quite as functional as they are novel, but I keep requesting them, anyway.

Thus, I am now the owner of an adorable Sweetheart I Rub My Duckie. Like the Santa duckie I already possessed, this one is travel-sized and comes in a plastic heart. The duckie sits on a stand against a pink background, and she looks super glamorous through the clear plastic in front. A bow attaches to loops at the top of the plastic, but you can pop the duckie out by removing the tape along the side.

The duckie has fashionable accessories: a feather boa that I think my cats have already stolen (removable because who wants to get it all yucky during play?). She is pristine in white/light cream with light teal eyes that are definitely feminine. She’s sort of like a monochrome version of the Paris Duckie, which I also own. There’s a tiny rhinestone jewel on her bill that adds to the feminine allure.

This particular duckie was stubborn when it came time to insert batteries, though. The cover is a piece of plastic (the entire thing is molded plastic, actually) that you push into place and turn to lock (the reverse opens it). A screw driver is handy (or fingernails of steel) but the hard plastic on mine seems to be slightly misshapen, making the entire process a pain in the ass. Unfortunately, all my hard work was for naught because my duckie didn’t work anyway. )= When I insert the battery (a single AAA), replace the battery cover and turn the dial from Off to On, nothing happens. Nada. At all.

Luckily for me, I enjoy the duckies for their aesthetic appeal and I already own a similar model so I am familiar with their vibration strength and operation. The small size means you’ll probably rely on the tail or sides, the broadest part, for pressure but the face and beak offer some pinpoint stimulation (all external, I don’t even know how you’d go about inserting this!). All the engraved text on the bottom makes me hesitant to use. I would really not have to clean off lubes and liquids from the tiny cracks and crevices.

Although the knob would indicate that the vibrations are adjustable, this is actually a one-speed toy. Considering how difficult it can be to turn the little knob, you’d think they would go with a push button control (or belly squeeze, as with the larger duckies). I was able to get off when I used the Sweetheart Duckie’s Santa cousin, but it’s not the type of toy I default to. The vibrations, as I recall, as relatively strong for the size but I’ll take a AA-powered toy over this, any day. In addition to this, the duckies do not tend to be all that quiet, so close your door, put on some music, and run the bath in the background, just to be careful.

To add to my disappointment, the Sweetheart Duckie does not float upright in water. Rather, she flops right over onto her side or back. After testing this out, I was further disappointed to find that water had found its way into the battery compartment. Even if the duckie had worked, I wouldn’t expect it to work for long, after several uses in the water or cleanings. But I’m not surprised because all of my duckies really did have a cheap feel to them when it comes to quality of craftsmanship.

tl,dr; The Sweetheart Duckie is cute, especially in her packaging, but maybe she should stay there because quality of these products is really hit and miss and you can find a decent toy for a comparable price without all the noise.

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What’s Your Desire?

March 1st, 2011

I think Venus was certainly looking to win the giveaway that I just hosted.. and she did.

Congratulations, an e-mail is on its way!

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Sexy Red Babydoll Set

February 20th, 2011

Sexy Red Babydoll Set

Sexy Red Babydoll Set

This is an archived review of a discontinued item.

You know how sometimes a unique element can attract you to an item but that same element can actually be a deal breaker? This was the case with the Sexy Red Babydoll Set from MyPleasure (the fine retailer of sex toys). I’m totally still on my lingerie kick (although I’ve received some awesome sex toys lately), and this bright red set caught my attention right away. The black details contrast nicely in pictures. The camera flash also makes this image look almost shiny or metallic but it’s really not. One thing you can’t see is that the set is pretty sheer because of the mesh, and because the weave is super fine, it’s really soft and silky to touch.

Another detail that is easy to miss is the heart-shaped black trim that runs as the waistline of the babydoll across the blindfold and panties. The cut-out hearts attach to each other in a row and are made from firmer lace. This isn’t as attractive as I expected on the baby doll, but it is downright confusing on the panties. The row of hearts extends along the top front of the panties and keeps going off the side, until it attaches to the black ribbons that you tie around yourself to create the panty effect. I think it would make more sense to simply sew the ribbon to the edge of the red fabric, instead of extending the hearts past the edge because then you’re worrying about twisting or even breaking them (the hearts attach at a rather narrow point)..

In fact, even if the design made more sense, I’d still struggle with this. I guess I never realized how difficult it can be to lace up a pair of panties. I still haven’t found a method that isn’t completely ridiculous and results in attractive bows, like the one on the model in the picture. The ribbon-tie design offers no stretch and will really only be flattering if your hips and abs are fairly flat. If you carry extra weight around the midsection, I wouldn’t expect it to be flattering. Lastly, the panties are a weird style. They’re sort of a wide thong or maybe super thin cheeky style. The strip along the back is much thicker than normal but not thick enough to count as briefs. In case you’re wondering, the piece includes a cotton-lined crotch.

The babydoll is absolutely the redeeming piece in the Sexy Red Babydoll Set. As I mentioned, the red mesh is super sleek and is sheer but tints the skin in a sexy way. I ordered the queen size, figuring the one size fits all would run small, and the queen probably runs a bit large on me, considering how roomy a babydoll is to begin with. Still, the adjustable straps help with this, and the same elastic runs around the back of the waistline (the front does not stretch) for added comfort and customization. One last piece of elastic makes up the piece’s rounded neckline, and there’s a ruffled piece of mesh that extends above this. I’m not sure how I feel about the ruffle yet. It could be flirty or it could just be grandmotherly.

I’m also not sure if it’s because of the lace hearts, but this piece offers some support for the breasts through reinforced stitching. There is a pretty ribbon bow sewn into the middle of the lace at the center of the waistline. The rest of the piece free falls to approximately hip height.

The seams and hems seem quite secure (unlike the other pieces), and I’ve even slept in this piece quite comfortably without issue. Although the instructions say to hand wash in cold water, and I would advise this for the other pieces, you could probably toss the babydoll in the gentle cycle or normal cycle in a lingerie bag. I’ll wind up doing the former because I’m so dangerous!

The accessories of this piece would have been a disappointment if I had been looking forward to them. The “cuffs” consist of mesh sewn to elastic to complete that ruffled look. There is a single red ribbon attached to each cuff so that you could tie them together (in a bow?) but offers absolutely no realistic bondage function for several reasons. One, the elastic is quite loose and easy to slip out of, and two, the sewing is utter crap. I put on one cuff and immediately noticed the ribbon was ripping and becoming detached from the cuffs. These are absolutely for fashion only. Present yourself as a pretty present to your partner, then ditch them.

The quality of the blindfold is slightly higher, but it boasts a design that reminds me of a sanitary napkin and, just, eww. It’s also asymmetrical in a really weird way. Even if the elastic weren’t so loose as to render it virtually useless, the cut would make it impossible to block out all light and sight. The sewing is also very angular, so while the black-hearts-on-red may look cute from a distance, it looks sloppy and amateur up close. Luckily, the sewing on this piece is more secure than the cuffs, and you could potentially shorten the elastic with a few stitches of your own. For whatever reason, Dreamgirl opted to make the backside (that touches your face) satin-y but the front is a rougher, less shiny material.

Basically, I have a babydoll that feels great on my skin and offers a lot of support. Because I can easily pair it with a basic black or red thong or pair of panties, I’d call this one a success, but if you really want to love the whole set, you’ll probably be disappointed.

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Heat

February 9th, 2011

It is less than freezing out but I do not feel the chill. The heat emanates from my body, seeps and breathes from between my legs. The heat pools around my thighs and cheeks as I squirt, for the first time in what seems like eons. It collects in the blanket below me and flows through layers of fabric to the mattress itself. Silicone and plastic have become impossibly warm from my body. My heat is strong and impervious. I am insatiable and heat spreads throughout my body as I am pushed over the edge by his words. Images fill my mind and inspiration has taken on a life of its own, so real that I can almost taste it and feel it: heat.

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Lights Outs Glow Shower Gel Raspberry

February 8th, 2011

Lights Outs Glow Shower Gel Raspberry

Lights Outs Glow Shower Gel Raspberry

You can no longer purchase this product.

If you’ve ever thought “I want to glow in the dark” or “I bet it would be cool to shower with no lights on” or if you’re just a dork, like I am, then this product might interest you. You’ll probably have to ignore the fact that the entire design is reminiscent of mini-golf courses or Chuck E Cheese but, who wouldn’t with glow in the dark body wash?!

First things first. In the image, this appears white. It’s really not. The raspberry scent is a very pale, sickly looking pink. I could do with something a little prettier but I don’t know how realistic that is, given the glow in the dark properties.

Second, this bottle is pretty damned small. The Exotic Fruit Show Gel by Shunga is exponentially larger. This is a problem when you consider how poorly this product lathers. It’s super thin and washes away so easily that I always have to reapply to my bath poof. The bottle is almost half gone after only two weeks or so of use.

Thirdly, the raspberry scent is very unsophisticated. It’s not the subtle and finely crafted scent that I prefer. Rather, it’s run of the mill and too heavy because it’s not really good. Read: cheap.

But, it does glow in the dark. After sitting in the light (my bathroom has a window so this occurs all day), the bottle will turn a light green and cast off light. It’s pretty neat and makes finding your bath products easier if, you know, the power is out. Once you start to lather, however, this quickly disappears. You can’t make any glow in the dark hand prints on your mirror or chase people around like a ghost. This is kind of a failure, in my opinion. Who wants the glowy fun to end?

So, I will be retiring this bottle until such time as I a) run out of good body wash (Skinny Dip Shower Gel is a better product) or b) plan to shower with no lights on or c) just wanna show it to someone. Not using it is the only way you’ll get your money’s worth anyway.

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Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.