November 2019 Media Recommendations

November 29th, 2019

Another month has passed. Another spate of podcasts has graced my ears. Between work, holidays, and reviews, I managed to enjoy some awesome media related to sex, gender, and orientation. You’ll see my particular brand of nerdiness in this month’s recommendations.

Watch
Sex educator Emily Nagoski discusses the two things couples can do to sustain a sexual connection in the longterm in her recent TED talk.

I’ve also been rewatching Stargate SG-1, which I never don’t recommend. Ha!

Listen

Cristen and Caroline of Unladylike interview Ilene Chaiken, creator and showrunner of the original L Word, to discuss how the show broke ground, the inspiration for the show, being a woman in Hollywood, and the upcoming continuation of it. I was a late fan of The L Word, and 15 years later, it’s impossible to deny some of the things it got wrong. Still, I’ll check out the new one, and this interview was enlightening.

On a recent episode of Sluts & Scholars, Simone welcomed to the show former sex worker Juniper Fitzgerald to talk about the stigma of sex work even after a person has left the industry. Juniper, who is now a professor, talks about balancing her sex persona and real life, and how that doesn’t always work out. The interview isn’t polished as Simone has a lot of energy and is very distractable when not kept in check by Nicoletta, but it’s worth a listen.

While not detailing sex specifically, the recent Freakonomics episode about Hollywood’s “princess problem” welcomes veteran actor and feminist Geena Davis who was more than happy to discuss gender inequality in the world and in Hollywood and what she’s doing about it. Hint: she’s making the research happen.

In the most recent episode of Outward, the hosts and their guest discuss the way that kids learn about queerness and sexuality and the ways in which adults can respond that can be beneficial or harmful, especially when those parents might be cis and straight. Christina makes a great point about how teaching kids about queerness isn’t necessarily about sex and how important community is to queerness. They also bust the idea that there is one “sex talk,” and that parents must keep having these conversations with their kids. In the second half of the show, clinical psychologist Dr. Laura Edwards-Leeper joins to discuss how healthcare is handled for trans kids who haven’t reached puberty or age of majority.

A Peepshow podcast from September invites Ricci from Woodhull to discuss the organization’s legal case against the US over SESTA/FOSTA. The hosts were then joined by one of Woodhull’s attorneys, Larry Walters. This episode reveals why this is such an important case and what’s next.

Finally, this episode of American Sex featuring Shanna Germain, who writes erotica and makes games, looks at the intersection of kink and gaming (RPG/tabletop) and how the lessons we learn about consent through kink can be applied to ensure everyone at the table is comfortable. It might be my favorite podcast of the entire year, and so little of it is about sex. Shanna seems like a super cool person, and it definitely made me want to check out Monte Cook games more closely.

I don’t have any traditional book recommendations because I spent the last two months enjoying the unabridged audiobooks of The Lord of the Rings as read by Ron Inglis. They were so very charming, and I’m sad that the journey has ended. I actually signed up for Audible just to listen to the last two. I’m over my 60-book goal for the year, so I’ll probably take December easy and focus on comics unless something interesting comes up for me to review. I do still have two book reviews before the end of the year, so keep an eye out for those!

Folks, let me know what you loved this month that’s related to sex. Or even if it’s not!I

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Vibease Remote Control Vibrator

November 23rd, 2019

Vibease Remote Control Vibrator
$94 from Vibease

The next time I agree to review an app-based toy? Don’t let me. Whatever you do, don’t let me.  I’ve had more than my fair amount of frustrations trying to connect smart toys to apps. Either they won’t pair, or they won’t stay paired.

And maybe warn me against a toy whose name reminds us of something intended to help make a bowel movement easier. But I digress.

Vibease, at least, seems to have removed some of the frustration from the Bluetooth process. Connecting the toy to my phone was easy. Open the app, click the vibe icon, and follow the on-screen instructions. But while the connection was easy enough, the company struggles to figure out how to make it work best. Vibease tries to revolutionize smart toys with their clitoral vibrator, but does it work?

First, the not-so-new feature: you can see a handful of preset vibration settings or edit them. It reminded me of the MysteryVibe Crescendo quite a bit. Like that vibe, it’s so much more intuitive and easier to use the buttons on the toy (one is a power button, and the other cycles through the five default modes) rather than to open an app and get to the right menu.

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Make no mistake, however, the main focus of the Vibease app seems to be the erotica library. I guess it makes sense to add another function to the app that you’re already using. And if you’re a sex toy company and want to expand to related sexual markets, erotica also makes sense.

But all of this ignores the fact that many people don’t want to use apps, not when one hand is full of lube or both are busy. It detracts from the moment, and the idea of cross-contamination makes my skin crawl.

With the Vibease toy, I’d prefer to just use the buttons. And with the app? I find that I wish the stories could be downloaded via browser, whether I’m on my laptop or phone. This would make the content accessible from a wider variety of devices, but it also means that you wouldn’t need to waste space for the app itself. Plus, I think it’s easier to keep prying eyes away from files than an app.

Furthermore, browsing the library varies depending on your device. I can see new, top, and featured stories on my phone or in my browser. But there’s only a link to see more in my browser, and on my phone, premium stories seem to be prioritized. While I think the browser-based erotica “store” is well organized to help users find something they might like, the app library is much more difficult to use. You can listen to samples before you download, which I find incredibly useful, but recent use comments on show up on the browser. In the browser, you can easily follow an author that you like or look at tags, which include whether a story is read by a male or female voice (some stories are notated but lack a clickable tag). I cannot locate a way to search tags or look at more stories in the categories in the app.

It seems like you pretty much have to use the browser version to find stories and authors you like and then like/fav them to access in the app. While you can like stories in the app, they’re much harder to find, and you must download them first. It doesn’t appear that you can remove likes from the app, either. It’s very frustrating.

I listened to about over a dozen samples, and none of them really worked for me save for one, but it wasn’t free. I wasn’t interested enough to download them ket alone pay for any of them. That’s right, some of these cost credits, which costs 10 for $1! Most of the premium stories cost 20 or 25 credits as far as I can tell, but some cost 50 or more credits.

As I was sampling, I physically cringed when one narrator began making weird noises with his mouth to imitate going down on a woman. Many of the stories are the narrator talking to the listener, which seems cheesy. The writing really varies in quality, as well. It just all seemed.. so bad.

Now, I am not super experienced with audio erotica, so it’s really hard for me to say if this is low-quality and everyone should skip it, perhaps heading to their favorite sources for high-quality audio erotica, or if it’s just not my thing.  I guess if my readers like the genre, they should check it out and see if anything piques their interest. And if they do? Leave me a comment so I can know if I am wrong.

For the sake of this review, I downloaded a free tory. It took much longer than I expect compared to streaming audio or video content on my phone. Honestly, that would be pretty offputting if I wanted to get off. The download tracker doesn’t estimate how much time is remaining, nor does it allow you to download in the background. Backing out cancels the download entirely. Eventually, you’ll get the story downloaded and will judge if the preview leads you astray or not.

Once you get something downloaded, the toy will vibrate with the story. The Vibease site describes it this way:

When the audiobook says “I’m touching you softly”, Vibease vibrates slowly.
When the audiobook says “I’m touching you roughly”, Vibease vibrates hard.

So every story will feel different. But I don’t think I am alone when I suggest that variety isn’t really the spice of life here. I want dependable, and Vibease isn’t. “Anticipations and surprises” aren’t a positive here.

At first, this paired vibration function didn’t even work. Manual buttons are supposed to deactivate when the toy is paired, but I was able to control it despite the app telling me it was paid. I don’t know why. I had to restart the vibrator.

Then, it was, as expected, vibrating in a way that was not at all dependable — or strong enough. The app has a weird visualizer that you can use to adjust the speed and strength of the current setting as created by the story; what I saw was different than the provided screenshot. Perhaps that explains why it was so confusing to use. There was no tutorial to use the app to make this easier.

Because you can change these settings (and precisely adjust speed and strength, which I’ll touch on later), Vibease doesn’t really have specific strength levels. Regardless, Vibease is still weak and make-your-hands-tickle buzzy even at its highest setting. I would almost rather turn the toy off and grind it against myself. But what’s the point of it being a vibrator, then? And the lackluster vibrations mean that all of the presets are pretty forgettable. Besides, I’d almost always rather have steady vibrations.

And, as also expected, the vibes changed at the most inopportune of time. The narration was poorly timed for me, as well.

I tried so very hard. I gave it more than my all in order to write a comprehensive review. In the end, I grabbed another toy and eeked out a less-than-impressive orgasm. I was more than giddy to shut off the toy and delete the app from my phone — forever.

Now, you might think you can avoid this by using the app as a remote without the story-guided vibrations. But you’d be wrong. I honestly couldn’t find a way to do this. Without this function, I wouldn’t even call Vibease a “remote control vibrator.”

I guess this argument works because you can connect with a partner who can control your toy, which seems to require that they also have the app. I wasn’t able to test this out, but Vibease functions as a sort of weird chat app if you connect it to you other apps, so you can ostensibly call, text, or cam with someone while you masturbate.

App aside, Vibease is yet another clitoral vibrator. Its strongest point is the shape. I like clitoral toys that are less of a gradual curve and are more angular or have a pronounced protrusion for clitoral stimulation. That’s part of the reason I have loved Laya since I first laid my hands on it a decade ago, and while Lelo’s Lily, for example, never did much for me. Siri has enough of a nub to work for me, but I wish it were more drastic.

Vibease has a more defined shape, which allows me to get a lot of pressure when using the vibe. But I wish it was bigger and wider. The vibe is still too small to for my hands to comfortably use without cramping.

The company may be onto something with its plan to pair erotica with a vibrator, but it all seems too premature to be released to the public. The app needs to incorporate desktop features that enable the user to more easily find stories and actually work as a remote. Then, it needs to have some sort of tutorial or, at the very least, a help center that explains how the hell to work it. It was so frustrating to even get to the point where I could listen to the damned story. I had to force myself to listen.

On top of that, the vibrator needs to be refined and the motor needs to be much stronger. Who cares if the toy is smart, waterproof, made from body-safe silicone, or USB rechargeable if it can’t meet that basic criteria?

With those changes, people might find it easier to use Vibease and want to use it over other toys. But I would hesitate to recommend this vibe, at just shy of $100, when I know there are vibrators out there that are cheaper and better.

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October 2019 Media Recommendations

October 31st, 2019

I don’t have very many media recommendations because I finished up a bunch of books for review that I have previously mentioned. I was also working on hobby reading before my Kindle Unlimited subscription expired. Sadly, I started a handful of podcasts that just didn’t do it for me.

Read

Although it’s not entirely related to sex, Emily Nagoski’s newest book, Burnout, expands on upon ideas that Nagoski first introduced in her book about female desire, Come As You Are. I recommend that book more than any other, and it pretty much changed my life. Burnout is aimed specifically at women and offers concrete suggestions to deal with stress and the burnout is can cause.

Another non-sex read is The Fellowship of the Ring, which I enjoyed for the first time as an audiobook. The narration by Rob Inglis was top-notch, and I am actually going to sign up for the free trial of Audible to finish the other two titles.

Watch

In this episode of Sexplanations, Dr. Doe tests various methods of cleaning sex toys. It’s obviously sponsored, but I want to see more content like this.

Listen

There were a couple of good episodes of Sluts and Scholars, but I especially liked the interview with Dr. Ari Tuckman who recently wrote a book about ADHD and sex/relationships. Their conversation with Cameron Glover about people of color in sex ed was also good.

Nicoletta from S&S was on Sex Out Loud. She discussed her work as a therapist and dealing with nonoffending pedophiles.

Tristan also did a great interview with physician’s assistant Kerin Berger about LGBTQ health and STIs.

After I catch up, I hope to get back to more sex-oriented media. If you have any suggestions or want me to check something out, let me know in the comments!

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Why I Didn’t Mention My Bisexuality On Coming Out Day

October 26th, 2019

As I write this, pronouns day has just passed, and coming out day, so I’ve seen a lot of posts by my LGBTQ+ friends over the past week. And while I took the time to express my pronouns in solidary with my trans and NB friends on my personal Facebook yesterday, I didn’t say anything on coming out day.

I could have, though. I could have let everyone know in no uncertain terms that I am bisexual. After all, it’s something I’ve been pondering a lot for the year and some change as I really, finally, become comfortable with my sexual orientation, and I’ve mentioned it plenty on my socials here. It’s not like I haven’t said anything alluding to my attraction including women to those people in my life and on my friend’s lists. I’ve shared photos, used words pregnant with meaning, frame my profile picture in bisexual lighting, mentioned that I have a sex blog, and even periodically share posts from this blog to my vanilla Facebook; although, it’s usually about science or a piece about how SESTA/FOSTA endangers call girls despite its supposed intent to help people rather than something about me personally.

But in 2019, I’m a little less open about my sexuality. I once openly listed myself as bisexual on Myspace many years ago, a fact than sent my former mother-in-law into a tizzy. But I no longer do. That fact, just like my phone number, is set so no one else can see it on Facebook. The reasons are myriad, complex, and not always things of which I am proud.

There are other elements at play, too. The thrill of secrecy, of doing things taboo, has always elevated sex for me. I know it shouldn’t be a competition, but having attractions and kinks that are outside the norm made me feel special. Being attracted to women fulfilled that, in some way, for me.

When I was a teenager and first realized my attraction to women, it centered around specific women.  I wasn’t worried about my inexperience because I was married not too far after, and while I felt generally more attracted to women during my marriage, I was attracted to my husband most of all, so it didn’t really matter.

In some ways, it was nice to hide behind that facade of straight privilege, and because I expected my marriage to last forever (ha!), it meant that I would never have to come out and would have to avoid any potential negatives that doing so would lead so. I type this now, and it just makes me feel awful. There are people who cannot hide behind that privilege, and it’s entirely unfair to do so myself.

For a while after my divorce, it seemed a non-issue. I began dating and sleeping with people who just happened to be men. In hindsight, my bisexuality probably just took a bit of a hetero swing now that I was able to experiment in ways that I hadn’t been able to when I was married. But part of me wondered if any attraction to women was just something of a phase, and my inexperience seemed to loom largely overhead as if in affirmation of this.

This lasted for several years and during that time, I dated, slept with, and fell for multiple men. It’s been a few years that I haven’t been particularly interested in any individual, which makes it the longest stretch of my life that I haven’t been in love. In short, I’ve almost always found myself in love for my entire adult life, even if that love was unrequited. It’s been an interesting change, and one that I think provided me the opportunity to consider my sexuality when it wasn’t attached to a specific person.

Over the last couple of years, my attraction to women has resurfaced and, at times, seemed to dominate. Occasionally, I would simply find myself so undeniably attracted to specific women — Gillian Anderson in the Fall, Carmen Esposito in her standup, women in bars. And sometimes I’d find myself with that self-conscious but giddy smile that I have when I find myself really attracted to people.

Thanks in part to my involvement in this community, a community that is diverse and sex-positive, I’ve come to appreciate that a person’s sexuality doesn’t have to be equal or even constant to “count” for a label such as bisexuality. Making room for this flexibility enables me to better understand and accept myself. Yet this community seems populated with people who are so much more sure about their identities and with so much more experience than I have. Comparison and imposter symptom seem to be magnetically attracted.

Even as I was becoming more comfortable with my attraction, I found myself distanced from the queer community. It still felt like a group of which I was not apart. I still felt as though there was a group of people  who were “them.” And not in a bad way. In fact, I wanted to feel more like I was part of this group than I did. So many people have formative memories of their sexuality, but it was never like that for me. I simply realized I was open to more than just men.

As it turns out, it can be difficult to feel queer enough when you’re bisexual because heteronormative culture still applies. It’s just that queer culture also applies. I often feel that it would be easier for me to feel part of the queer community if I could reject the entire heteronormative narrative, but some of it still applies. Even though I’ve rejected gender roles and sexual scripts and a bunch of other rubbish that goes along with straight culture, I’m still attracted to men.

I’ve heard jokes about bisexual culture but nothing that rings true or stands out to me. Some days I don’t feel so much like I fall under the queer umbrella as much as I feel like hetero… plus. And it’s so incredibly difficult to shed the filter and thoughts that have been ingrained in me by society, especially because I find women generally more attractive even if I am not sexually attracted to them. I almost have to remind myself that I like women, too, and I am attracted to very few men, to begin with. I don’t need to be equally attracted to men and women or even experience attraction to them in the same way. There has been so much self-doubt when it comes to claiming a label and joining a community because of this.

But even as I became comfortable with accepting that there’s no right way (TM) to be bi and that may “their” community is my community and there can be safety and support in that, it’s still not something that I necessarily want to come out about and not necessarily because of the subject. Coming out in any way simply seems too confrontational, and while it might seem otherwise, I have always shied away from confrontation. I only like to be in the limelight in limited circumstances. Directing attention to myself in that way makes me uncomfortable.

So, I don’t directly remind people of something they may already know, may have forgotten, may not care about, anyway. Instead, it feels easier to leave bread crumbs in the way of the things I say, the links I share, and the communities and causes I associated wit and to allow people to assume. There may come a time that I have to be more explicit, but part of me hopes that people will just take the hint and accept about me what I’ve taken nearly two decades to accept myself.

And maybe one day I will want to shout it from the rooftops.

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Categories: personal

Good Sexual Citizenship

October 25th, 2019

Good Sexual Citizenship: How to Create a (Sexually) Safer World
$17.95 from Amazon

Although I do not generally list the chapters in every book review that I write, I think it’s important to so to explain how Good Sexual Citizenship strives to create a “sexually safer world.”

  1. The Bases for Our Biases
  2. Standing Up for Sex
  3. Consent – (I Promise) It’s Not That Complicated
  4. Little Kids, Big Questions
  5. The Teen Sex Situation
  6. Getting to Good Sexual Citizenship

Whu do I list these? Because I consistently struggled to understand the overall structure that the author, Ellen Friedrichs, was aiming for. I am not sure if it’s the examples the author uses to introduce each chapter that makes them feel so disjointed rather than work in congress, but it’s so distracting. I don’t want to be stuck on the author’s organizational choices over her words, especially when I agree with what she has to say.

This begins with the first chapter, which delves into sexism. Honestly? I understand why discussing sex (and gender) and sexism is a sensical place to start when it comes to discussing the issue of a safer sexual world, but others may not. Some people may be on the word but haven’t fully formed their thoughts on the subject. It seems a bit presumptuous to me that the reader should have to already know this. At the very least, it could be overwhelming to the reader. There is room to make the argument and it may be necessary to do so that we cannot start a book without first examining gender. Perhaps the author things the entire first chapter accomplishes this, but it would not hurt for the point to be more explicitly, either in the introduction or at the start of the chapter itself.

As Friedrich moves into a history of sex culture and education (and the lack thereof), she paints the bigger picture of how we got to where we are. including casual sex and hookup culture, and what’s wrong with that if you want to build a sex-positive society. I suspect this is where many people would expect the book to begin. From there, it makes more sense to move onto the topic of consent, which includes discussion of how it plays out in college hookups and established relationships as well as how we define sexual assault, in the next chapter. Framing consent as a simple but essential solution to sexual assault is so important. The questions Ellen asks readers to consider about consent at the end of the chapter are especially poignant.

But the segue to teaching children about sex is almost nonexistent. It would be so easy to explain that if we teach children about sexuality and consent from a young age, providing them with age-appropriate information so that we can impress upon them the importance of consent. The chapter that follows, on teenaged sexuality, is the clearest transition in the book.

Her final chapter does reiterate why we are where we are as a society and ties together how all the misinformation or simply lack of education has contributed to that in a way that makes the preceding chapters make more sense. I just wish there was more of a common thread throughout the pages.

With that said, each chapter in this book relies on research, which is referenced throughout the book and listed in the notes, to make points that I do often agree with. And as readers move through those chapters, there are asides that help to challenge the unhealthy, harmful, and sex-negative messages we may have absorbed from living in a society that has created such a dangerous culture around sex. Each chapter also ends with a worksheet containing questions to gauge the reader’s knowledge, opinion, and comfort with the topics discussed in the chapter that encourage the reader to consider the topics on a personal level and rethink the ways they navigate sexuality.

As Ellen Friedrich makes her points and educates the reader to dispels myths, she makes sure to include LGBTQ+ members and to point out how sexism and these ideas about sex hurt men as well. However, she’s careful to point out how these limited narratives depict sex and gender at the same and a binary and how sexism against women has allowed the current sexual culture to proliferate.

The author also takes the time to point out the actions people can actually take not just to change their own minds but to impact sexuality in society from their interactions with other people on a daily basis to how they vote. Good Sexual Citizenship doesn’t just describe a problem without offering solutions. It didn’t leave me feeling hopeless as it very well could have. At points, the advice might have been a little superficial, but the reader is given enough information that they can seek out other resources, which they will have to do on their own because aside from references used, Friedrich doesn’t list any resources that her readers may want to read in addition to her book.

One thing that I found was interesting was that Friedrichs initially uses a couple of footnotes to define terminology with which the reader may not be familiar. I mean literally two in the introduction, and then she never does this again in the book. It’s confusing. But there were also places where I thought that those definitions would be incredibly useful to a reader who has maybe never heard a term before or isn’t quite sure what it means. “Slut-shaming” is a good example; yet, the author quickly seemed to forget about using definitions or decided that the only two terms that would benefit from them were in the beginning of the book.

Although there are many points with which I agree in Good Sexual Citizenship, and I’d like to see them made more often and vocally, I still felt that the book lacked an overall narrative to help the reader progress from one chapter or point to the next. Although I could draw some conclusions because the content was familiar to me, this might not be the case for others. The reader shouldn’t have to make assumptions or have a ton of prior knowledge to understand the overall argument made by a book. That’s the point of the book.

I wonder if the imperfection of Good Sexual Citizenship would leave others frustrated or cause them to set it aside, perhaps before they even pick it up, rather than just leaving them confused like I was. However, I still recommend this book, perhaps just as a starting point. And it’s not only that there are some weak points in Good Sexual Citizenships, it’s just that no one book or source can provide all the information we need to truly become good sexual citizens. As long as the reader understands this and that the onus is on each of us to create a sexually healthy world after reading the last page, I think this book will ultimately be helpful.

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Science of Sex: Vaginal Bacterial Transplants

October 1st, 2019

vaginal microbiota transplantation

According to recent estimates, our bodies consist of as much — or even more — bacteria than they do our own cells. While the exact numbers can vary, and researchers may occasionally disagree, bacteria help us function. Without the bacteria in our bodies, our bodies don’t work correctly. However, a bacterial imbalance or introduction of the wrong type of bacteria can lead to problems, namely, infections.

When it comes to sexual health, many people think of sexually transmitted infections. However, these are typically caused by viruses. Bacterial infections include bacterial vaginosis (BV) and infections of the cervix. These infections have traditionally been treated by antibiotics; however, this can lead to antibiotic resistance, which is an increasing concern especially given how frequently these infections reoccur. Furthermore, antibiotics can contribute to yeast infections.

Researchers are considering a new treatment option: vaginal bacterial transfers or vaginal microbiota transplantation. This would transfer the bacteria from a healthy vagina to a vaginal that has a bacterial imbalance. This procedure is not yet in practice and may never come to be. However, researchers are studying what would need to happen to make it a reality.

First, the ideal donor would have just a few bacteria. Specifically, there would not be a lot of Lactobacillus, which is what causes BV. People would need to be screened to see if they are a good match first via questionnaire. Then, swabs would take vaginal bacterial samples. Samples were tested for HPV and HIV before researchers moved on to bacterial analysis. It’s proposed that donors abstain from sex for 30 days before providing a donation, which can be self-collected.

This screening is important because samples could contain bacteria that would do more harm than good. For example, you might have read about two cases earlier this year where patients who underwent experimental fecal transplants, which has been undergoing experimentation as a possible treatment for rectal issues such as C. difficile infections, died. They received material from a donor that was tainted with E Coli. The specific train was antibiotic-resistant. Furthermore, the patients both had weakened immune systems.

With proper screening, this could be avoided. Since bacterial transplants of any form are still in their infancy — the fecal transplant hasn’t received FDA approval yet — now’s the time to eliminate the risk for when these procedures eventually become approved and used on patients.

A similar procedure known as vaginal seeding occurred when doctors would take samples of a birth parent’s vaginal bacteria and apply it to a newborn infant who was born through cesarian section. This practice started because it was believed that vaginal delivery transfers bacteria that can boost an infant’s immune system. While one study initially found limited success from the practice, a more recent study suggests that there is little evidence that vaginal seeding provides microbial benefits to infants and that health difference between vaginal and cesarian-born babies may be due to the antibiotics administered to the parent during birth.

Thus far, results from fecal transplants have been more promising, and vaginal microbiota transplantation may prove the same. However, it’s incredibly early in the game to make that assessment.

Further Reading

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Media Recommendations September 2019

September 28th, 2019

Whether you like to listen, read, or watch content that discusses sexuality in humans (and occasionally other creatures), you’ve come to the right place! I gave myself an extra day to write this, which meant I could add three stellar podcast episodes to my media recommendations. I realized that September is almost over I recently learned as I typed “August” into the title field, checked my calendar, and remembered I was off by a whole month. Welp!

Listen

NPR’s Hidden Brain tackles the intersection of sex and tech that will eventually usher in sex robots and has given hookup culture a facelift via apps such as Tinder and how that affects intimacy. If you don’t want to listen, you can read the accompanying article.

In his podcast, Dr. Lehmiller interviews author and psychologist Dr. Ari Tuckman who recently wrote the book about ADHD and relationships, including how it can affect sexual relationships.

I started listened to Peepshow Podcast last month. As I was scrolling for episodes that seemed particularly interesting, this one featuring Nicoletta and Simone from Sluts and Scholars, which I have previously recommended. The pair discuss starting their podcast and balancing their day jobs with communicating about sex in a world where that’s still a boundary-breaking thing to do despite the fact that’s the very stigma they’ve set about to break. Simone also talks about becoming an abortion doula

The first of two Slate podcasts I’ll recommend this month is is their queer podcast Outward, which recently tackled the issue of what makes us gay after the recently-released study about how much our genetics influence sexual orientation. This episode really got me thinking about what it means to be gay, including the importance of community. It made me think about my own sexuality and my struggle to be part of a community.

Finally, Slate’s feminist podcast The Waves discussed a chapter of journalist and podcaster Malcolm Gladwell’s recently-published book, How to Talk to Strangers. It was a book I thought would be interesting but now am not so sure about. The chapter looks at sexual assault and drinking in the great context of knowing whether a person is being duplicitous, but Gladwell’s privilege shines through when he makes the case that no one can ever know the truth. The hosts of The Waves point out how weak this argument, which shames victims, truly is.

Read

I haven’t managed to get very far in Screwed: How Women Are Set Up to Fail at Sex, but I’ve enjoyed almost every word that I’ve read thus far. Lili Boisvert challenges gender roles, sexual scripts, slut-shaming, and more in on cohesive argument about how society has done women dirty when it comes to sex.

Watch

In this short snippet from the BBC, a gentleman discusses the abuse he receives because of his HIV+ status.

I somehow managed to miss this older TED talk, which delves into why humans are among the few species that menstruate.

I was thoroughly impressed with the Sex Ed School series by Shaftesbury Kids. The eight episodes in the first season follow Eva and Nadine as they provide real, age-appropriate, and fact-based sex ed to kids on topics such as anatomy, consent, orientation, and more. They even use dolls and toys to teach students in a way that would neeevvver be allowed in any but the most progressive schools, American or otherwise. It makes me a bit sad for the state of sex ed, but this is really how it could look.

Hopefully, I’ll have a chance to read a bit more next month, but I think this post really covers it.

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