Bad Thoughts

March 15th, 2010

The past few months have taught me a lot about relationships, expectations, love, perception and healthy attitudes. In some ways, I feel like a relationship expert (I’m not.. yet) and I know I have been and will continue learning skills that will not only help me have successful relationships (and that is worth imparting to my loved ones during their challenges) but I am developing skills to help me be happier no matter what my relationship status is.

As patient as I am trying to be with my husband, as hopeful as I am trying to be about this situation, it is difficult not to feel hurt and not to entertain thoughts that are simply not helpful. Ultimately, I feel a bit betrayed by my husband, my life and perhaps most importantly, myself. I feel so foolish for believing that this time would be different, that he would be different. I wonder why I ever thought it could work. What proof have I ever had that it could? Indeed, everything I have seen or experienced indicates that relationships just do not work. Ever.

I know, I know. It’s not productive. But I just cannot be productive all the time. At the very least, I can control it enough that I am not sobbing over Haagen Das. And I’m not screaming at my husband about how he’s hurt me and making it into an argument so that’s good. I am able to contain the thoughts that they are not quite ruining (running?) my life.

I feel especially silly when I think how far I’ve come in regards to my thoughts about marriage. I went from thinking it’s nothing but a sham to believing maybe it can work to wondering if maybe it is only a sham after all and I should have kept thinking the way I did because then I wouldn’t be hurting like I am. Except I know that you have to let people in and learn to trust again even if it means sometimes starting over. And as much as I hate feeling like I’m back at square one, the logical part of me knows that you cannot reap the rewards without taking the risk and I will take that risk again whether with someone else or whether my husband chooses to work on our marriage. Even if I don’t want to think about it now, cannot imagine ever being with someone else.

My bad thoughts creep up when I am alone and at night, right before bed. To combat them, I’ve been scouring the internet for inspiring quotes (I mention this in an upcoming post I wrote for EdenCafe), calling friends or sometimes distracting myself by jerking off. It’s still a work in progress, though.

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Beyond #1

March 12th, 2010

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

If this G-spot vibrator looks familiar, it’s probably because it was designed akin to Ophoria’s Beyond 3 dildo except, where the dildo has an “S” shape with a loop at the base for maneuverability (or inserting a bullet), the vibrator has a straighter base that houses the batteries. Otherwise, both toys share an enlarged and rounded head intended to stimulate the G-spot. They are both quality made, out of silicone (although the Beyond 1 cannot be boiled to sterilize because of the mechanical parts) and have three soft ridges on the shaft for extra stimulation. However, the Beyond 1 has a pretty silver band separating the shaft and battery cap; it contracts nicely with the silicone (mine is black). Beyond 1 is also shorter with a total length of 7.5″ and an insertable length of, offering about 6.5″ for insertion.

As this is my first Ophoria toy, I do not know about other products, but the presentation was nice. Some might use the box for storage, but I prefer the pouch. It is black, extremely soft, and not linty – perhaps microfiber. It’s also unique in that the storage pouch does not have one open end that cinches. Indeed, it is more like an envelope and the toy slips in lengthwise. Then, the whole thing is tied up with ribbon.

The silicone of the Beyond 1 is definitely more firm than it is soft. Most of the shaft seems to be silicone-covered plastic without give. The head is also a thick silicone, which is firm as well, but the area right below the head (near the three ridges) is thinner and not covered with plastic, so it can be bent a bit. The silicone of this vibrator is smooth and velvety but will pick up lint if it is not in its pouch. The silver band next to the battery cap is painted plastic while the cap itself is plastic with a softer power button.

Battery installation is easy, and the Beyond 1 actually comes with the required 2 AAA batteries. That is always a nice touch. The directions for batteries are engraved into the plastic of the toy for easy reference, and the cap itself slides and locks into place. Beware that this toy is not waterproof and take care when cleaning.

The Beyond 1 G-spot vibrator is incredibly easy to use, with one button to power it on, off, and toggle through modes – of which there are 9. Although there is only one button, the toy can be turned off at any time by holding it down for a few seconds. This is preferable to having to cycle through all the modes but I would prefer an instant off because you still do have to wait. I find it’s actually quicker to just pull out the batteries (although I doubt that is healthy for the life of the toy).

The nine modes of vibration include a low, medium and high steady vibration and six other pulsation and escalation settings. While these settings are interesting, many of them are quite similar and the Beyond 1 would not be less of a toy without them; indeed, I find nine settings to be just a bit of overkill these days.

The vibrations are not incredibly high-pitched but do lack the depth that I really love. Yet, despite this, I found the Beyond 1 to perform well. My G-spot is pretty sensitive to vibrations, and squirting was easy – once I got the toy inserted. Although the shaft of the Beyond 1 is not giant (it has a 1.5″ diameter) and the shaft is fairly slim, the difference in size between the head and shaft of the toy is pretty drastic and can make insertion difficult or even painful, especially given the unique design of the head of the toy. Even when I was well lubricated (water based only) and aroused, I had some difficulty. It was definitely easier for me to use Beyond 1 after playing with other insertables. I imagine this will prevent the Beyond 1 from being comfortable or enjoyable to use for some people because of their builds and would definitely not recommend it to a sex toy newbie.

Honestly, I have used the Beyond 1 for less for G-spot play than I have externally which might seem odd but given my preference for broader, rounded surfaces, the Beyond 1 really fit the bill. I can move it against myself in such a way that reminds me of a penis rubbing on my clit to produce some nice orgasms. Because my G-spot is fairly shallow, I can almost use the Beyond 1 as a dual stimulator, inserting just more than the head, but it’s not ideal.

While I am pleasantly surprised by the versatility of this vibrator, I do have some less-than-thrilling thoughts. After my first use (and second wash), the Beyond 1 G-spot vibrator has begun to rattle during use. It still works fine, and sometimes I can’t even notice the rattling (like when it’s under a blanket), but it is more noticeable during pulsation settings and a bit annoying. Even with the rattle, Beyond 1 is pretty quiet and couldn’t be heard through a closed door, but it’s not as silent as the phrase “whisper quiet technology” suggests.

Additionally, I could not feel the under the head during use. The toy might even be easier to maneuver without the extra texture, but that is just an educated guess on my part. On a semi-related note, some folks experienced painful issues with seams on other Ophoria toys, including the Beyond 3 dildo. Still, while the seams are visible to the eye and tactile to the fingers, they were not noticeable in use.

I do really like Ophoria’s Beyond 1 G-spot vibrator. I usually do not find G-spot vibrators to be very versatile, and this may be the first one that can be used internally and externally for me, so I will definitely keep it handy.

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Petite Couture Collection™ – ecstasy

March 7th, 2010

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Having tried a full-sized Couture rabbit by California Exotic, I wasn’t too thrilled to get a petite version to review. It seems that if a toy powered by 3 AAs is not powerful enough to get me off, then a smaller, less powerful version will not have much luck, either. That’s not to say I was going in expecting to fail, but I wasn’t expecting it to blow my mind, either.

It’s a real shame because the soft silicone of the couture line is a step up from porous materials like jelly, and the sleek lines are attractively classy, in my opinion. The texture of the Petite Couture Collection Ecstasy is velvety, with a bit of drag, and mostly devoid of any shapes save for a gentle ridge that runs around the head and then comes together down the center of the vibe toward the clit stimulator. There are no seams in the silicone. Because the silicone is soft, it will, unfortunately, pick up lint. There is some slight variation in the shaft size, but overall, the diameter sticks near 1.25″, and there are no difficult angles or bulges to maneuver, making it better suited for beginners than many rabbits. Even if you’re not a beginner, you might opt for a Petite Couture piece because they are smaller in length, too. This one offers 4.75″ insertable inches, a change from the larger rabbits, which do not work well with all anatomies.

Like the regular Couture Collection, Ecstasy has a silver plastic base that continues the sleek look with its contemporary lines. There are three buttons to control this rabbit vibrator: a master power switch and a button for each function (rotation of the shaft and vibration of the clitoral stimulator). When the power is on, the buttons light up a very bright blue, so bright that I used the light for a flashlight in the dark. The functions can operate separately, so there are many ways to enjoy this toy.

There are three speeds of shaft rotation which I found enough to make me squirt; however, I was unable to successfully stimulate both my G-spot and clit as I had to pull the rabbit out a bit to hit the right spot. I have a shallow G-spot, and I believe the thinner shaft of the Petite Couture Collection – ecstasy just couldn’t hit the right spots. I think my PC muscles are a bit out of shape, however. The rotation stood up to my clenching on 2 out of the three speeds, and it just seems like it shouldn’t with such a small power source.

Some might also find the clitoral nub to be a little on the short side because it does not have rabbit ears or what-have-you extending its length – which is only 1″. Generally, I like the idea of this shape better than all the animals because I tend to press the bullet part right against my clit instead of the ears or arms or other body parts. This one does curl up slightly toward the body/clit, but the bullet is just not strong or deep enough for me. Even with three steady vibration modes, four more pulsations, and escalating patterns, I was pretty disappointed. The vibrations are higher pitched than I like and really didn’t reach deep beneath the surface. Even the pulsation was underwhelming and lacked the throbbing sensation which is a requirement in strong vibes. I wound up turning them off pretty quickly when I realized they would not get me off.

In regards to a few technical details, the Ecstasy is pretty quiet and wouldn’t be heard through a closed door. However, the rotating portion does have a bit of an annoying whine. Because of its silicone composition, only water-based lubricants should be used. These vibrators are supposed to be waterproof, but the battery compartment does not seem to seal tightly, so I wouldn’t submerge them during use or washing. Soap and water washing or shower use would probably be fine, however.

While I think the Petite Couture Collection ecstasy might be a good first rabbit or even a first sex toy for some users, I was just really underwhelmed by its performance, which I expected would be the case. It’s a step in the right direction, and I do like the idea of more variety in rabbit sizes, but I personally need it. dare I dare it.. more power.

CEN_SEXPERT_certified

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Bhold: Bcute Curve

February 28th, 2010

My first free toy was an egg from Bswish and it was surprisingly powerful. While the newer additions to their line up are just as attractive (cute, even!), they do seem to lack the strength which is sad. Plus, my Curve won’t relinquish smells it picked up for only one use which is a little disappointing. Still, for some people, it would be the B’s knees.

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Kissable ice cream – strawberry

February 24th, 2010

Kissable ice cream

Kissable ice cream

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

At first, I confused California Fantasies with California Exotics, but it’s a lesser-known manufacturer that made the Kissable Ice Creme in strawberry, which I had a chance to try. This cream is really a multitasker that promises to cool and lubricate while allowing your partner to taste its flavour when he or she goes to town on you. This product does succeed in a lot of ways, I am happy to say and the 2oz squeeze tube is pretty sizeable. It reminds me of a hand cream tube, and there is a lot more product than any other sensitizing product I’ve tried.

Let me start by saying that this is not a lubricant. It’s a thicker cream which will quickly rub into the skin while the taste remains, it has virtually no lubricating properties. It may moisturize but my vagina doesn’t really need that, I don’t think. Plus, the ingredients list contains both alcohol and sugars which can cause irritation for some which leads me to believe that this product would better be labeled as a sensitizing cream than a lubricating one.

I’ve reviewed other sensitizing products here and here.

The ingredients, as listed on the tube, are:

  • de-ionized water
  • caprylic/capric triglyceride
  • octyldodecanol
  • glyceryl stearate
  • PEG 100 stearate
  • Emulsifying Wax
  • polydimethyl siloxane
  • decamethyl cyclopentasiloxane
  • cetyl alcohol
  • tricethanolamine
  • glycerin
  • sodium benzoate
  • diazolidinyl urea
  • potassium sorbate
  • polysorbate 20
  • hydrogenated collagen
  • methylethyl cyclohexyl
  • propanediol
  • flavor
  • carbomer
  • disodium EDTA
  • sodium PCA
  • Sodium Saccharine

It’s a long list and was painful to type up. While some of the ingredients I recognize, I wouldn’t mind if there were simply fewer and if there were fewer salts and sugars to boot. While cooling products usually contain some sort of menthol as the active ingredient, I am not sure what it is in the Kissable Ice Creme that makes it work.

As a sensitizing cream, Kissable Ice Creme passes with flying colours. It feels cool immediately and grows slightly cooler, but not so much that it makes me uncomfortable like other cooling products I’ve used. It doesn’t quite tingle, but I can feel the area to which it is applied is growing more sensitive. This is a positive attribute when used on the clitoris but I would like to remind you that this product is also intended to be kissable which means your mouth, including lips and tongue, will become extra sensitive, too. Depending on your personal preferences, this may not be a positive thing. I find it a bit interesting but not necessarily distracting. I did not experience any amazingly powerful or easier orgasms while using this cream but my awareness was definitely heightened.

The Kissable Ice Cream is flavoured and scented. It’s definitely sweet and more of the unnatural strawberry “flavour” as opposed to tasting like real strawberries. The taste will grow weaker as it is licked away (although, the thick cream does stay in place well) and it does seem to have a bit of a sugary aftertaste. It’s not horrible but it is a little.. different. Fluids and a person’s natural taste may alter the sensation, of course. The scent is very sweet as well and gives you a good indication of how it will taste.

It does remove cleanly with licking or washing without leaving residue and even when it’s on your fingers, it feels creamy and soft without being greasy. Because it is thick, it stays where you put it and you do not have to worry about it dripping on your linens or carpet but, as it is water based, I do not think it would stain anyway.

In fact, since I bought it to use as a sensitizing cream and not a lubricant, I can’t really say that are a lot of strong negatives about the Kissable Ice Creme from California Fantasies. It does what it says in a noticeable but not overpowering way, and I like that it does not smell or taste like mint because I am not a fan. Not everyone will love the taste (although there are also Cola and Colada flavours available) but I found it to be decent in the limited quantities I’d be using for playtime anyway. I would like to see an ingredient list that isn’t quite so terrifying, but I haven’t experienced any adverse reactions and do not intend to use it internally, so I am really pretty satisfied with the Strawberry Kissable Ice Cream.

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Craving

February 22nd, 2010

Sex, I want it. And I can’t have it. Which makes me want it even more. I see it in movies, on TV and read about it in books. It seems like everyone is having it. Everyone but me, of course. I think about my husband (who will hopefully remain my husband). I think about our sex and my body springs to life but no relief is available.

I remember his movements, his sounds, the feel of his touch and his body against mine. My real life becomes my fantasy and I long for the past. I do not simply want sex. I want sex with him. I want the sex I remember and, yes, the sex about which I all-too-often took a passive attitude in the past.

The past? Has it really been that long. Only a few short weeks. Yet, it feels like forever. It feels like a lifetime ago even though I know, logically, it has not been. But it has been too long and every day my desire grows. It is though I have never yearned for him as I do now or perhaps it is simply how I yearn for him because I have certainly wanted (but not been able to have) sex with him before. Before, sex was always an option in the future (albeit, not always the near future) but that is not the case now.

Regardless of how things turn out, I imagine he will be the object of my fantasies as long as I fantasize and as long as I cannot have him, I will certainly have to to survive.

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Intimate Accessories Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner

February 18th, 2010

I’ve used a few toys cleaners, both sprays and wipes. My experience is that most of them are just okay, useful to have while they’re around but not something I’d rush to replace when it runs out. More often than not, I forget about these cleaners and revert to soap and water before the bottle is empty. Thus, I’ve several bottles at home and a half-used packet of wipes. As this realization sunk in when another bottle arrived in the mail, I offered one of those bottles to a friend. After all, how am I ever going to use them all myself? But because another bottle did arrive in the mail, I offer this review to you.

TabuToys offers Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner, a spray on cleaner in Dr Berman’s line of Intimate Accessories. The 6.28 FL oz bottle is clear, as is the cleaner itself, and is labeled with the familiar purple logo of Dr Berman’s toys. It’s easily recognizable for me but, at a distance or to someone who does not know better, it could pass as some random cosmetic bottle (although what would come in a squat bottle like this, I have no idea). The pump top itself is also purple (but not the same purple, which I find slightly irksome, LOL) and comes with a plastic cap, which makes it slightly more travel-friendly. I didn’t bother to put it in a ziploc in my luggage and the cap stayed on the entire time. I’m sure the cap would loosen a bit with subsequent uses, as is usually the case.

The ingredients of Intimate Accessories Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner are listed in a rather tiny print, and I immediately recognized Triclosan as (one of) the working ingredients. It’s common in many sex toy cleaners and some anti-bacterial soaps as well; although, there is a bit of controversy over it so if you’re anti-Triclosan, I’d stay away from this product.

The entire ingredient list is as follows:

  • Deionized Water
  • Sodium C14-16 Olefin Sulfonate
  • Disodium Lauroamphodiacetate (and) Sodium Trideceth Sulfate
  • Cocamidopropyl Betaine
  • Propylene Glycol
  • Triclosan
  • Citric Acid
  • Methychloroisothiazolinone (and) Methylisothiazolinone
  • Tetrasodium EDTA

Some of the ingredients are pretty common as far as cleaners go and most of them are more than a mouthful. Folks who prefer shorter ingredient lists or have specific chemical allergies/irritations should defnitely give the list a once over before purchasing. Other cleaners also include ingredients like Aloe or Vitamin E to make them soothing or conditioning so this cleaner is perhaps a bit more “basic”.

Curiously enough, the ingredients list is exactly the same as that of CEN’s (California Exotics produces the Berman line of accessories) Anti-Bacterial Toy Cleaner which comes in a smaller 4.3 FL oz bottle with darker purple writing on it so if you’ve tried it and are looking for something else, this is not it. However, the “regular” version, which is also available from TabuToys is not quite the value in terms of price. If you do not have a need for the smaller bottle, I’d go for the Berman Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner, instead. This value difference is about the same on most sites, with the regular cleaner costing more per fl. oz than Intimate Accessories Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner. you’d think that adding a celebrity/doctor endorsement would make them make up the price even more.

All these ingredients combine to produce a clear, thin liquid which is easily squirted form the pump bottle onto any toy. However, the bottle gives no indication as to whether this product should be wiped or rinsed off, used as a soap, or simply let to dry, which is definitely nice to know. Although I frequently rinse any toys which tend to collect fuzzies, I tend to do a dry wipe with a cloth or tissue on the smooth-surfaced toys that do not require special attention. But whether or not it’s really clean or safe to use is a mystery. Different online reviews suggest keeping it on for 2 minutes – which is way longer than I would naturally think to leave it on – but I could find nothing on the Berman Center websites to back it up. Your call, I guess.

The spray comes out in a fine mist that covers a wide area, and it only takes a few pumps to cover an entire toy. There seems to be a slightly medicinal scent, but I have to be honest; my nose is incredibly stuffed up, and there’s no one I can ask to smell my sex toy cleaner to confirm. LOL! Because the target area is so broad, I’d maybe spray over a toy or just be sure not to spray in the direction of anything or anyone which you don’t want coated with the Intimate Accessories Antibacterial Sex Toy Cleaner. Despite attempting to do this, my cat ran directly into the line of fire as soon as I sprayed the cleaner, of course.

Fast forward two minutes (your choice) and it can be rinsed off (as some reviews suggest), taking any debris with it. If you choose to simply wipe it off, debris will be more of an issue but that is the case with any spray toy cleaner. Because I’d rather be safe than sorry, I opt to rinse it off and this makes it a less useful product to me than one which I know I can use without rinsing/wiping (or even directly on the skin) which is the case with both the Afterglow Wipes and Pjur “Med-Clean” Spray. For all I know, the intent was for this product to be used without rinsing but the total lack of instructions is off putting to me. I’m sure some people use it without rinsing at all and experience no adverse effects but I like to know exactly what I’m getting and how to use a product. Unfortunately, the “regular” cleaner by CEN also fails to list instructions for use which is exactly why I won’t be buying either from them in the future.

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