Black Glove/Elegant Spanking

January 17th, 2010

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. 

I read a review describing Black Glove/Elegant Spanking, a DVD containing two short films by Maria Beatty, as “like an artsy amateur porn video that the 2 girls should have kept private.” And I pretty much agree.

It’s not that the visuals aren’t stunning. Both pieces are done in black and white, with more than a subtle nod toward the silent film era (despite being released in 1995). The Elegant Spanking even features “title cards” showing the dialogue between Mistress and slave. The filming is well done, if not simple, and it seems a bit grainy to add personality. The Black Glove is especially heavy with shiny instruments and PVC clothing, while garter belts can be seen in both. The image of pearls sliding between pussy lips in The Elegant Spanking is intriguing if nothing else. Yet, the imagery is very specific, so specific that there can be very little middle ground with Black Glove/Elegant Spanking. Either you will love it, or it will not be your thing. And it’s not mine.

I also can’t say that the acts aren’t realistic or intimate. Marie Beatty portrays a submissive in both films, expressing pain and pleasure well even though we can’t hear her voice or breath. In The Elegant Spanking, she lovingly partakes in watersports. It’s as though someone simply popped a camera into Beatty’s BDSM life and recorded these events. Believable and erotic (it’s hard to call anything with so much BDSM anything else), yes. But rising to any sort of climax (literally or figuratively) or otherwise following any sort of standard film time/plotline, no. We don’t know why anything is happening, just that it is, and it’s over without any real sense of resolution. Both movies are more like extended scenes than stand-alone films, and they move quite slowly. I’ll dare call it boring.

From imagery to music/sound and the speed of progress, these films are both incredibly creative. Yet, that artistry can be difficult to understand and detract from the movie.

Such is the case with the music (by John Zorn), which generally reminds me of haunted house background music or the scores of 80s horror flicks. It suggests seriousness calmly, softly in the background. Yet it also negates any drama in the films themselves, especially in scenes where the actors are clearly speaking, but viewers can’t hear it. Like silent films, this one flashes title cards, but it’s obvious that is not what she said (and I’m no lip reader!). At least in The Black Glove, we can hear some sounds from the scene itself, which I prefer greatly. The sound of buckles and foot steps were appreciated. Yet, toward the second half of this scene, the background music/sound switches to something like burning or crackling. It’s much louder than the previous background music, and I find it completely distracting.

And if kink is your thing, these films have plenty. The Elegant Spanking jumps into watersports pretty quickly. There is spanking, of course, as well as shoe/foot fetish. In fact, that plays an important role in both films. Too bad I hate feet. The Black Glove has lots of appropriate PVC; Maria Beatty is hog-tied, and a cane, Wartenberg wheel, clamps, knife, and wax all make an appearance. Most of these implements are rubbed or run over Maria Beatty’s lingerie-clad body, with the focus on her ass and breasts.

Fans of bonus material will be disappointed. The DVD lists a catalog of other Beatty films but was nothing more than a link to Beatty’s now-defunct website.

While artistic, striking in imagery, BDSM oriented, and incredibly intimate, it seems like these films would best be enjoyed by Beatty & Co. themselves. The artistic eroticism is interesting, and these films would probably lend themselves well to an intellectual discussion (perhaps of D/s dynamics). Still, their limited ability to arouse suggests that this film is simply art, not porn. I know that BDSM doesn’t have to include sex but porn probably should. Sometimes there is a grey area between porn and art, but the black-and-white films on this DVD suggest that is not a place Maria Beatty productions will ever be, and that’s okay. I’m just not the sort of person who can appreciate these films. On the other hand, there were a couple of scenes that would lend themselves beautifully to wall art (something which I can better intellectually appreciate). I would much rather have preferred a handful of stills that sum up the feeling of Black Glove/Elegant Spanking than view the DVD itself.

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Why Ask a Stranger? (or “Go Talk To Your Partner”)

January 13th, 2010

Having been around the internet a time or two, I’ve sought out advice from others. Who hasn’t? But as my knowledge in just about everything expands, I find myself being the one who offers instead of seeks counsel, more often than not. I don’t mind. In fact, I thrive on it. I love helping people and answering questions. And if my advice works? Excellent. I give myself a little pat on the back and feel hopeful that someone has somehow worked over and issue in their life whether it’s communication within a relationship or just finding the right sex toy for them.

But I have come to notice a certain type of question which I cannot answer – not because I am unfamiliar with the territory or even because I disagree with something that gets someone off. No, the questions that bother me most are the questions about relationships and dynamics and communication which clearly should be asked to a partner, not random strangers on the internet. Don’t get me wrong; it’s good to show initiative. If you want to do something a little extra special, I’ve got ideas. So does everyone else and these ideas are not necessarily dependent on your partner’s tastes or relationship status. But I cannot answer these questions

  • Why is my partner less interested in sex?
  • Why does my partner no longer initiate sex?
  • Does my partner still love me or find me attractive?
  • How do I deal with my partners ED/disability/insecurities without talking to him or her?
  • What does it mean when my partner ignores my advances?

Yet, if your partner’s interest in sex has decrease or his or her attitude has altered suddenly, I cannot tell you why. I just can’t. I’m not your partner. I don’t share his or her stress at work or home. I do not react to things the same way nor do I have the same life experiences. My life influences and brain chemistry are, quite simply, incredibly different. I don’t know what makes your partner tick and, if you’re asking me, it seems like neither do you.

Perhaps the internet offers anonymity when it comes to our problems. We can say “this is going on” without saying “and my name is John Smith and I live in Miami with my wife, 2 children, cat and dog.” Sex is not always the easiest thing to talk about and I understand that but sexual and romantic relationships frequently suffer from lack of or poor communication. Sure, some relationships are completely effortless but most are not. You don’t need to talk to the world about your sex life; you just need to talk to the person(s) with whom you are having sex.

Get off the internet (after all, you signed on to ask your question) and have a heart to heart with your lover. Ask about changes in behaviour or reluctance to do a certain activity. Ask why things are different from how they were in the hot and heavy days or why things just never seemed to pick up from the beginning. Ask your partner how he or she feels and offer a shoulder to cry on. Perhaps you will find that your partner has been struggling with something and you can help.

Your partner may be relieved that you brought up the subject. It offers both of you the opportunity to make improvements, something which cannot be done when one or both partners are in the dark about the other’s feelings. Sometimes we forget that our partners have the same fears and aspirations as we may and we can fight them together, not fight one another because of them. Occasionally, you are positive something is a problem when talking can reveal it to actually be a misunderstanding. You may find that knowing more about your partner may make you feel closer and boosts your confidence in your relationship. Conversely, not speaking about these options frequently only exacerbates the problems.

Of course, there are some guidelines to follow when talking about sexual issues and many of them have to do with when to bring them up or, rather, when not to. Don’t bring up your concerns at any of these inopportune times:

  • Right before sex
  • In the middle of sex
  • Immediately after sex
  • In public (or in front of the in laws)
  • During a fight (especially not as ammunition)
  • When there are distractions (computer, TV, kids, phone, while preparing dinner et cetera)

Every effort should be made to express your feelings and concerns without putting blame on your lover. Pay attention to your partner’s responses, both verbal and nonverbal. Body language can serve as a guide to the success (or lack there of) of your discussion. Allow your partner to speak freely and avoid making assumptions; ask for clarification when need be. Finally, be open to suggestions. Ask how things can be improved and avoid dictating measures your partner “must” or “should” do. After all, you probably don’t want to be commanded yourself.

Unfortunately, sometimes knowing what is going on in a partner’s heart or mind (or pants) can pose problems that we cannot overcome. Sometimes talking paints a clear picture but it’s not of a happy ending (Cinderella style, not massage). I think sometimes people reach out to strangers, looking for a way to deal with symptoms of larger problems rather than admitting to themselves or their partners, all so they can continue to avoid the inevitable. But sometimes the inevitable (especially when it’s a parting of ways), although difficult in the present, offers the best possible future.

Either way, talking to your partner will truly shed light on a situation. It may not be the best light. Let’s face it, the truth is not always comfortable but the truth, as they say, can set us free.

I am just a stranger on the internet who has no idea what is really going on in your head or in your bed.

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Pink Silicone Lube

January 7th, 2010

Pink Lube
$10.99 from Amazon

You may not know it, but I like pink—the colour. I’m also sort of a musician, too, but that’s not related. I first heard of Pink Lubricant years ago, but I’m not sure where. The attractive bottles drew my attention, and it stayed drawn for some years. However, I don’t use a lot of lube, so I never needed to buy it. However, I decided it might be the right time to try it out when Babeland offered Pink Silicone Lube for review.

The larger bottles of Pink lubricant are packaged in glass and look much like perfume. The 1.7oz bottle I received, although not glass, still looks pretty classy with its frosted plastic. I like it, but it’s less discreet than the glass style. The bottle is pump-style with a small cap over the pump to prevent spilling, and the whole thing comes wrapped in plastic (yay). I’ll be honest here.. Between unwrapping the plastic and using the lube, I have no idea where the plastic cap went. So, it would be useful if I could find it, but I can’t, and I have no recollection of taking it off. Chances are, the cats go to it, and it’s under some piece of furniture because it’s small and fun if you’re of the feline variety.

Now, my experience with silicone lubes is really limited. I’ve used 2 including Wet Platinum and the one included in Wet Together. The former experience was downright dreadful as I experienced some sort of reaction but the latter was fairly nice in lubricant properties (not so much as a sensation product, though!). Reviews of Pink are generally pretty high and I figured, maybe silicone lube really is worth it.

My first impression was a bit odd. I guess I was expecting the lube to feel like water-based lube does, you know, wet. It didn’t. It felt sort of greasy, and I kept pumping at first because I had no idea how much was in my hand. The next thing I noticed was how incredibly thin this lube is, which is something I usually associated with silicone lubes, although I do prefer lubricants that are slightly more gelatinous in nature. Also, the pump could jut out a bit more, like a long lotion pump does, because now it just sort of dribbles down the side of the pump/bottle. You have to tip it to avoid that.

So I wasn’t a huge fan of this on my hand but, to be honest, it’s quite slick and has much more staying power than water-based lube. A little goes a long way, and it doesn’t get sticky as it dries out. Plus, my hand isn’t my pussy – and I don’t want it to be. For actual toy or penis penetration, this lube did work decently. It made it quite frictionless, but it feels less natural than water-based lubricants seem to feel. It was as if there was a thin layer of incredibly slick plastic inside of me; sure, it reduces friction but I felt as though something was between my husband and myself. I’ve never even felt that way with condoms.

With toys, this was definitely less noticeable. It didn’t feel quite so.. barrier-like, which is great, but I’m not going to pay $15 for silicone lubricant for toys alone, you know? I really wanted this for actual intercourse. Plus, the parent company makes a water-based lube for use with toys.

To be fair, Pink Silicone Lube is not horribleI did not experience irritation with it like I did Wet Platinum, and besides silicones, the only ingredients are Vitamin E and aloe vera, which seems to make it pretty healthy to me. I just really didn’t love the way it feels, which is entirely a personal preference. Maybe I’m just not built for silicone lubes (are there any that feel.. not so silicone-y? LOL). It is worth a try, however, if you do like silicone-based lubes.

4 Comments


What conspiracy is this?

January 3rd, 2010

At best, my flirtation with dolphin toys has been mediocre. Why is that? And why did it suck this time?

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Make love to your long distance lover online

BSoft

December 31st, 2009

Bsoft

Bsoft
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

When the Bsoft first came out, I was intrigued. The unique shape still reminds me of the Jetsons, and I am always drawn toward original clitoral vibes. The reviews came out and none of them really raved. The lack of power was mentioned consistently, along with a few other issues that I, too, have now had the chance to experience firsthand.

It’s difficult to describe the shape of the Bsoft accurately. If one were to draw the Bsoft from either the top or bottom, it’s sort of pear-shaped, wider toward the center, with curved points on either end. The slightly sharper point is capped with a plastic cover to protect the port for the charger cord (like the ports on your phone or camera might be covered). As nearly every review has mentioned, this cap does not fit snugly and is constantly flipping up and around. I had to rearrange it several times during use; in fact, it was off right out of the box. It stays on because it is attached; however. Some folks have cut theirs off, but I’m wary of water or lubes getting into the vibrator, so I’ve kept mine on.

The design of this toy means only one side can really be used for stimulation. The side with the controls had a sleek border in blue (or pink or purple) around a center piece of more silver plastic where sit the 3 control buttons. The buttons are round, made of soft grey plastic and sit slightly higher than the plastic that surrounds them. There is a slight clicking which can be heard then they are pressed and they’re significantly larger than the controls on most toys which makes it incredibly easy to use. There is a master power switch and a plus and minus button. Bsoft starts at a low steady vibration, increases to a medium and tops off with one more level. There are 4 modes of pulsation, escalation and even a mix. But, because the vibrations are so high pitched, they tend to tickle rather than to deeply satisfy. Putting pressure on the vibe also seems to dull the vibrations.

The stimulating side would be the side which is made of hard, silver plastic. It’s entirely smooth, except for a seam about 1/2 an inch down from the plastic cover. This seam is definitely a place that can collect gunk, and I would carefully clean it with a damp Q-tip because of its proximity to the port. I do everything I can to prevent soap and water from getting in there (the loose cover doesn’t provide help), and toy wipes would probably be the best option for cleaning.

The hard plastic rises to create a soft ridge in the middle. It runs from the top where the cap is, gradually lowering toward the other end, where it diminishes toward a gentle curve and the vibrator is thinner. It is here that the vibrations are strongest, and I guess this area is intended to be used against the body. Although the sides of the ridge and the curving end are slightly broader when compared to the ridge itself, I really didn’t find any part of the Bsoft optimum for getting the pressure I like. Of course, the capped end really shouldn’t/couldn’t be used for stimulation either.

However, the entire piece fit fairly well nestled between my lips, which I liked. Because the entire toy curves slightly toward the back, the non-cap end stimulated the entrance of my vagina. If it were a bit longer, it would likely hit my G-spot but just missed it. I think the Bsoft would be more effective if it were simply a bit smaller. It measures 6″ long, 2.5″ at the widest, and about 1.5″ deep at the thickest. A smaller size, in addition to more of a soft curve instead of the ridge on the back would enable me to grind this toy against myself and still take advantage of how it fits against the vulva.

The Bsoft is super light because it requires no batteries. While the quality seems generally good, I find myself distrustful of toys that are so light. This vibrator comes charged, and I have yet to recharge it, although I used it for 20 minutes tops. The DC charger easily plugs into the toy and fits into any typical (American) socket. There is no indicator light, and the instruction manual does not say how long the vibrator needs to be charged but does say not to charge it for over 24 hours or to use it during charging.

The vibe comes with a fabric pouch (which is almost fleecy on the inside) to protect the plastic of the Bsoft, which seems to scratch easily (like an iPod). The bag is thicker than that which came with my BNaughty but isn’t what I would consider plush (perhaps the thickness of some flannel).

The unique shape of the Bsoft seems to be inspired by reality but is just a bit too surreal to provide the stimulation that I need to orgasm. Combined with the buzzy vibes, I can’t see it being useful for much more than warm up, which is a shame because few vibes seem to be designed to complement the vulva (and not just the clit). I recently bought Bswish’s newest clit vibe – BCurious – and I am definitely curious to see how it pairs up with this first effort.

3 Comments


Fallen

December 27th, 2009

Fallen

Fallen

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

I am a relative porn newbie, I admit it. Most of my porn watching has been done with short clips found for free online and, usually, that covers my needs. I thought I’d get to know porn a bit more with Fallen because the cover really intrigued me. It was well done, and this award-nominated porn flick has been praised for its unique and expensive approach to pornography. Maybe it’s just my lack of expertise or my particular tastes, but I have no idea what these people are praising and celebrating.

Granted, Fallen is presented grandly. It comes in a larger-than-average case that is only slightly smaller than your average sheet of printer paper. The inside flaps give some insight into the bonus discs (there are 4 discs, including the feature title), and a regular DVD case holding these discs sits inside. Both cases feature an image of Jessica Drake – the lead actress – with wings and arms spread in a scant white dress. It’s not exactly family-friendly, but it’s on par with some movie covers, and you could potentially get away with it sitting with the rest of your movie collection – as long as you toss the larger, which is pretty ostentatious.

Fallen is a Wicked Productions film that revolves around the plot of Angel, an angel banished to Earth after her charge met an untimely death. Angel thus loses herself in sex and, in the end, tries to redeem herself. And it works, sort of. I know many appreciate the acting in this film, and there are a lot of non-sex scenes, which makes it seem like they’re aiming for the couple’s and women’s porn market, but the acting is really not all that great. Maybe it’s good when you consider it’s a porn star, and Brad Armstrong does manage to play a generally likable guy in the second half of the movie, but Jessica Drake falls flat and talks with a strangely breathless monotonous voice as she narrates the movie.

And that would be okay if all the sex scenes themselves were not so incredibly uninspired. Most of the scenes involve PIV sex with anus fingering. That seems to be the running theme. Sure, there are position swaps, some lesbian sex, and an MFM trio, but they all seem hash ups of what we’ve seen before. There were only two scenes that really caught my eye – the first scene between Jessica Drake and Brad Armstrong where he puts a little more thought into performing oral on her to a wonderful jazzy background and a scene where Angel is watching another woman in a sex booth (which either turns to sex between the two or perhaps Angel just imagines it). But the novelty soon faded after more than a few minutes of the same thing happening in each scene. Maybe I have a short attention span but they seemed to drone on forever.

As did the entire movie which runs almost 3 hours. I really wanted to watch it in one sitting and I know a lot of people don’t do that. I just couldn’t. It took 3 or so sittings and, by the end, I was fast forwarding through it just to see how it ends. The ending actually reminds me a bit of Hancock in theme and revolves completely around the plot, but I quickly grew tired of the plot and poor acting, if you couldn’t already tell.

I am also unsatisfied by the pitiful excuse they call oral sex and manual stimulation on a female. It seemed like it was all just thrown in to look good for the camera but it was always sloppy and short, two things I cannot stand in my own sex life. I found it hard to believe any of the countless stars were having any fun, and the ridiculously fake moans only convinced me more. It’s hard to believe anyone actually enjoyed making this movie. It’s all so contrived. Luckily, there is an option to turn off the moans and only have music play, and I must say, the music is chosen rather well. Still, it’s kind of odd not to hear any moaning.

As long as I’m talking about music, I had quite a difficult time hearing Jessica Drake’s breathy voice over the background music, which is the main reason I lost track of the plot. The sound techs need to do a better job next time.

The box talks about the unique style of Brad Armstrong, who also directed Fallen, and it may be a step above most porn, but it’s also distracting at times. In the scene with Jessica and Brad, which I initially liked, I grew frustrated with all the fading to black, and many scenes are washed out from natural light, which may be on purpose, but I feel that using professional lighting would have really been the better move. On the subject of style, I originally liked Angel’s costume on the cover but soon came to realize that most of her outfits look straight off the Hot Topic website. Uninspired, again.

You won’t find many actresses who stray from the typical blond and big-breasted stereotype, either. Jessica Drake certainly fits it to a T as do most of the countless other porn stars. I don’t know many porn stars from face alone but they all blended together and there were so many actors/actresses simply in for one sex scene that they never struck a chord with me.

I have to say that there is quite a lot of bonus material including a digital copy of the movie, deleted scenes and the ability to choose from multiple endings. You can control Angel’s destiny which I find really cool but I was so wiped from having to watch almost 3 hours of uninspired sex and acting that I honestly could not force myself to watch more. However, if you like Fallen I bet you would enjoy these features immensely.

So, is Fallen really all that and a bag of chips? Maybe if you like your porn typical-but-with-a-bit-of-plot. Maybe if you have a thing for Jessica Drake or Brad Armstrong. Maybe if you want something a little different but still inside the box. Maybe if you like to flip from scene to scene without watching the whole thing. Maybe if you’re not me. Pirates is much more my kind of big-budget porn.

3 Comments


I’m Over Here

December 23rd, 2009

I’ve been a little slow with reviews lately. Mostly I’m just lazy. But you can also find my writing over at EdenCafe. Some of my recent posts include:

Okay, so some of them aren’t exactly “recent” per se. I’m just a slacker in all things but it’s great to have been writing different kinds of posts on EdenCafe and the gift cards aren’t half bad either. As I understand it, Carrie Ann is always looking for more writers so drop her a line if you’re interested!

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