Dame Pom

November 11th, 2024

Pom
$99 from Dame

Before I can get on with my review, I need to apologize to Dame. The company sent me this toy years ago, and I completely dropped the ball when it came to writing about it. That was unprofessional of me, and I need to do better.

But even though Pom is no longer new, it’s still worth talking about. That’s because some really thoughtful design decisions went into it. It’s obvious.

This is no white-label toy on Amazon. This is no stolen product design copied cheaply in a Chinese factory to make a quick buck. This vibrator, even though it won’t work perfectly for everyone, stands apart from the rest. It’s the type of product someone should be proud to put their name on–or associate with their face.

And that’s because Dame has quickly become one of the most reputable companies in the sex toy industry. I don’t need to hunt to find information that I can trust. Dame’s website clearly shows the trajectory of the company, which was founded by Alexandra Fine Janet Lieberman, and leveraged crowdfunding to get off the ground.

There’s a lot to like about Dame, just like there’s a lot to like about Pom.

So, let’s get down to it, starting with the strength.

Pom is waterproof.

Thanks to its magnetic charging connections. This is pretty common these days, even with cheaper toys, so Pom doesn’t stand out quite as much as, say, Fun Factory’s first magnetically-charging toys. But it’s nice.

Pom is quiet.

It’s not silent, but the lowest setting makes almost a barely-there hum. Would I use it in a dorm with a roommate? Nah. Would I use it behind closed doors, knowing something else was home? Sure!

Pom’s internal battery will hold a charge for literal years.

I know because I forgot about mine for that long.

Pom is covered in a layer of plush silicone.

It’s quite squishy, really, and it’s what put the flexibility in this flexible vibe. The silicone has a lot of give when you squeeze it, and you can bend the tip a bit. Some people may prefer a rigid toy, but plush silicone means I can grind it into my body without and discomfort. Not like I’ve ever done that before…

Pom is wider than most.

Many clitoral vibrators are narrower. They’re also usually horizontally and vertically symmetrical. Pom is wider at the base than the tip, which promotes comfort. The base sits perfect in my palm while my middle and index fingers slip around the narrower front.

Pom finds your clitoris.

Typically, I like clit stimulators with a large nub than Pom has, so I wasn’t expecting much. But the vibrator surprised me because it’s not so much the size of the bump but the shape. You see, it forms a vertical ridge that easily slips between your lips to target your clitoris. Mind blown.

And my favorite thing of all..

Pom has deep vibrations.

I mean, it’s no wand, but they’re surprisingly rumbly for such a small package. I was beginning to think that I had been out of the game for so long that I was misremembering clitoral stimulators with deep vibes. The ones I’ve tried recently, even wands, have been disappointing.

But Pom reminded me that depth is possible. And in my opinion? It’s non-negotiable.

These strengths aren’t without limitations, however.

That thick, plush silicone? Mine is now ~customized~ with cat chew marks. It’s exactly the type of material that attracts cats–and their fur. Alas. At least I have a purr-manent moment to remember my late kitty by.

It will also attract your fur. Consider yourself warned.

Pom’s width is accompanied by flatness. It’s closer to, say, Lily than Laya Spot. I wish it were wide and tall.

I’m also not super enthused with their buttons. Dame has placed the power button, which is inset, directly on top of the toy. Hold to turn on. This same button cycles through settings.

There are two more buttons on the bottom of the toy, essentially a plus and minus. The “plus” sticks out from the toy and increases strength. I find it a bit small and sometimes hard to find during use. On the other hand, the “minus” is flush with the dimple where the toys sit. It’s visually a bit confusing but more intuitive in use.

The problem with this “minus” button is that if you press the Pom to your body hard enough, you will turn down the strength. Talk about killing the vibes. (For those paying attention, it means holding the Pom fully against your body means you can’t access the plus button, either).

And I did it multiple times in one session. I still got off, but, man, that’s a bummer. I think it would actually be harder to do with a raised button like the other one because the pressing area seems so wide.

Similarly, I sometimes found myself accidentally pressing the top button while using it. This isn’t exactly Dame’s fault. I have almost also struggled to find a place to apply pressure with my fingers without hitting the buttons or making them inaccessible.

Ultimately, Pom’s flatness led to a lot of strain on my fingers, which are now sore as I type this review. Again, not their fault, but I do think there’s something that could be done.. if toy makers wanted to. Like a wider, more rounded top of the toy. Y’all know I liked the Tuyo.

With that said, I mostly forgive Pom its trespasses against me because the vibrations are so high quality. They just feel.. nice. good, even. Not tickly, not annoying, not frustrating.

And that makes me hopeful for the rest of Dame’s toys.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Heidi

November 8th, 2024

Heidi
$53.99 from HoneysX

Heidi, Heidi, Heidi. Where do I start with you?

In the realm of clit vibes, Heidi most reminds me of the BCurious, especially the premium version. I have only used the original Bcurious, which was rigid (and not satisfying), so I can’t compare Heidi to the newer (and since discontinued) premium model, which appears to be made from a softer silicone.

Heidi itself has a thick, softer layer of silicone on it. It’s not nearly as squishy as Dame’s Pom, but it’s nice. There’s give in the tip, and it can bend forward or backward.

The buttons are bubbly and large, easy to find. They audibly click when you press them.

But, you see, as soon as you press that power button, you’ll wish you didn’t.

I wish I hadn’t started with Heidi at all.

Because once it turns on, there’s a quick and loud vibration. It’s jarring. And it’s buzzy and shallow as hell.

And it doesn’t get any better.

I guess I should have known. The (terribly translated) description mentions “High frequency vibration drives.” We. don’t. want. that. in. our. sex. toys.

Honestly, I can’t tell if Heidi’s design is good because the vibrations are so buzzy that I couldn’t possibly enjoy it. Initially, they tickle annoying. It doesn’t take long before I can’t feel them at all. No bueno.

All of this while the toy fills the air with an unacceptably loud roar. I guess it’s not loud enough to hear through a closed door, but it feels like a freaking assault when it’s in your hand.

I had to give up on Heidi. It was almost torture to use it. It offends the senses. No waterproofing, no soft silicone, no pretty mint green, no rechargeable battery, and no poetic metaphors will make it better.

High frequency vibration drives the body to work, impacts the soft inner wall, and the tremor C point attracts the clouds and tides to achieve a unique experience.

The secret comes from the strong frequency vibration. Different experiences also need a strong core to provide continuous motivation. For many girls, not having enough fun is downfall. It takes a lot of effort from the inside to the outside to please women.

After 365 days of experiments, we have finally developed a lovely dolphin with smooth curve. Time we roam together, love let you release at this moment. To a mutual tease, such as glue two people in the world.

Tonight, I just want you, in the twilight, in the halo of glass, in the mountain language and waves, with Heidi to explore and lead us to release our nostalgia for the spring breeze.

I’m sorry, Heidi, but I don’t want you. Not tonight, not ever. Not to roam or stay in one place. And there certainly won’t be any release.

You couldn’t pay me the $54 price tag to use it again.

P.S. – Don’t call us “girls.”

P.P.S. – What the hell is the weird symbol on the side?

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Categories: Reviews

Make love to your long distance lover online

Funzze Finger Vibe

October 19th, 2024

Funzze Finger Vibe
$29.99 from Funzze

My first impressions of the Finger Vibe came when I saw the box. It was small. Really small. Surely I hadn’t been looking at something that small, had I? But I was. Apparently, I wasn’t looking that closely.

My second impression was that the dark blue-green of the Finger Vibe in matte silicone is gorgeous. I don’t think I’ve ever owned a toy in this specific shade. There’s also a shiny heart shape that, as far as I can tell, exists only to be pretty and make this toy difficult to photograph lol. Overall, the entire design is pleasing to look at, and I think it is easily one of Funzze’s most attractive toys.

But how does it perform?

The Finger Vibe fits easily between two fingers thanks to the contoured “wings.” Unlike the Mini Marvels line, which had painfully small and rigid finger slots, these are flexible, so they will fit a variety of fingers. They fit well over mine, and I can hold the vibe up without even pinching the center of the wings with my fingers. There’s a potential that the wings won’t offer coverage for someone with really big fingers, but you can still pinch the center to hold it.

The gentle curve naturally fits within your fingers, allowing you to position it wherever you’d like and move it naturally like you’d move your fingers. I think the size probably helps here– less than 3 inches long and only 1.3 inches wide. Ideally, this means placing the bulbous bottom over your clitoris (or other sensitive spot). I really appreciate how far this protrudes because clitoral stimulators that are too flat on the bottom almost universally fail at stimulating the clitoris!

The biggest drawback of the Funzze Finger Vibe might be the small size. While that bulb offers clitoral stimulation and the wings keep it in place between your fingers, the small size requires a small motor. And the vibrations of this toy are rather weak and buzzy, the type that you know will only be less impressive as you increase them. They’re barely there, honestly, especially after using it for a while. The additional vibration patterns offer little because of this. However, if you’re more sensitive to vibrations, you might not mind, but anyone who needs depth and power should look elsewhere.

The size ultimately fails to provide the pressure I need and prefer to get off. If you like to simply hold vibrators against your body, it might work for you–if the weaker, buzzier vibrations aren’t an issue. But a larger toy is better for relieving discomfort on the fingers when you need pressure, as I do. In fact, if this toy was closer to the size of a full hand–something closer to the Playboy Palm, perhaps–it would be far more comfortable to use. As it stands, my fingers became incredibly sore and cramped while trying to achieve the pressure I needed, and there was no payoff to show for it.

You could potentially use it to stimulate a penis by using a healthy dollop of lube, which is necessary for movement because the silicone has a fair bit of drag, and running the toy along the shaft on one side and using your thumb on the other side. Or you could hold it against the base of a penis while you go down on it. Either way, the small size and finger holders that allow you to use your hand naturally could work for this.

The small size might work for people who want to use this during partnered sex. Holding the toy won’t take up much more room than using your fingers alone. Plus, the soft wings will press down under pressure, and I think you could comfortably place this vibrator between your bodies as long as your entire weight isn’t pressing down on your partner’s body. However, I haven’t tried this.

I wouldn’t call it whisper quiet, either. There’s a whistle/whine on all but the lowest setting. Add some white noise or music, and you could get away with using it while someone’s in the other room through a closed door. But there are stronger and quieter clitoral vibrators out there.

One of the biggest cons of this toy is the single button. There’s just not a lot of room for buttons, so I understand the choice not to use more than one. Yet, I cannot forgive the placement choice. Putting it toward the front/nose of the toy doesn’t give you the leverage to press the button while your fingers are under the wings, so I find myself having to remove my fingers and stop using the toy to push the button. This is a great opportunity to place the button on the side where your thumb could press it or to employ some sort of pressure mechanism instead. Pressing the toy harder to your body would increase the vibrations. That would solve the issue of pressure!

When pushing the button, there’s an audible click, which I appreciate. However, the button slightly recesses into the toy when pushed, which could be an issue for those with long nails or large fingers. I think most buttons would be better raised from the toy to make them easier to use for everyone. But this is far from the worst physical button function I’ve ever used. On the other hand, the single button means you need to cycle through the nine modes every time. I’ve found this is the case with all the Funzze toys I’ve tried. If you want to get back to a setting, you need to go through all the vibration settings, and sometimes, turning it off to start from the base setting is faster! Frustrating.

On the opposite end of the toy from the button, are two magnetic contact points for the charger, similar to Fun Factory’s chargers. Thanks to this, it’s completely waterproof. However, I can’t imagine that you’d want to use it in the shower because the water hitting your body would compete with the weaker vibrations. But you can easily clean the Finger Vibe with soap and water without having to protect any ports. Once clean, Funzze includes a silky storage pouch for your Finger Vibe. That pouch can then go in your nightstand, sock drawer, or maybe even in your bedframe or between your mattress and box spring! It would also be a great option for travel because it’s so small and light.

Funzze includes a USB charging cable that requires an adapter or USB port to charge. It’s fairly short, around two feet. I think most of us would want something longer. The light around the button blinks while charging, and although it’s a pretty green, I didn’t even notice it during use.

The last thing included with the vibrator is a single page of instructions, which is fairly easy to miss, lose, or toss. It almost feels like an afterthought. I didn’t even look at it before trying the Finger Vibe and have since misplaced it, so I’m unsure about the time it takes to fully charge the toy or how long the toy will work while fully charged. These are often just guesses that aren’t super close in practice, so I’m not super concerned. This vibrator comes charged, anyway.

Where does this leave us? Unfortunately, with a gorgeous and affordable vibrator that does some things really well but mostly failed to impress me. At $30, it’s not the end of the world if you try it and don’t like it, but I’d rather push people toward more expensive items that perform better.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

JOPEN Pavé Grace

April 19th, 2024

JOPEN Pavé Grace
$48 from Amazon

I’ve been at this a long time, but sometimes something happens that reminds me just how long. Like sitting down to write this review of a Jopen toy and realizing that I’ve reviewed a vibrator from what I considered to be a new brand 11 years ago. 11 years ago. 11. years. ago. Eleven.

So I guess it’s time to give props to CalExotics for keeping their more premium line/sister brand going. It’s also time to go through my past reviews to fix some images and links, but that’s neither here nor there.

Jopen’s current offerings are more varied than the purple duel stimulators they started with. You can not buy a variety of clitoral, internal, and anal vibes from the line, although they have dropped the Comet vibrators and dildos, which many people (not me) loved.

The company is attempting to differentiate this line with touches of glam, which has resulted in the four current lines: Pavé, Amour, Starstruck, and Callie. Each line comes in its own color variations, and I have no complaints about the Pavé Grace’s light mint/teal color. I wasn’t swayed by the faux crystals; I just wanted to try another clit stimulator.

The faux crystals don’t necessarily look great in photos, and they’re not better in person. There’s also the potential for them to collect fluids. You might think that the top of the vibrator is less likely to come into contact with those, but the gem is actually a button that cycles through functions and powers on the toy, so you don’t want a lube or cum-covered finger sliding around that.

The placement of the gems forced CalExotics to get creative because this is where many toy makers would have placed the intensity controls. The result is something that is accidentally genius. I’ve raved about it before, and I’ll say it again: the controls on the side edge of Grace are intuitive to use, and more companies should take note. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like CalExotics has realized what they’ve discovered because the only other vibrator with a side button is the Chic Violet. I think it’s only designed like that because it has a grip on the top, preventing the buttons from being placed there. These aren’t even the only buttons on the toy, which is a shame.

Side button placement should be standard. It just makes sense. We’re used to the volume buttons on the sides of our phones, and many remotes now follow suit. I don’t think sex toys should necessarily take after smartphones, but I do think that placing controls there naturally takes advantage of our thumbs, which often don’t do anything while using toys. If you happen to hold the Grace in your left hand, as I do, the controls are easily pressed with your index finger, which still works pretty well.

The buttons are small, however, and even though they’re embossed, I prefer something a little more obvious. It might not be as chic, but I’m all about function over form at this point. Fortunately, there’s a nice clicky feedback when you press the buttons. I wish they weren’t quite so close together, however.

I mentioned that the gem is a button, and you need to hold it down to power the toy on or off. Each setting has 5 speeds, controlled by the buttons on the side. They start on the lowest setting. If you keep pressing the gem, you’ll cycle back through all the settings. Its first setting is steady vibration that’s fairly powerful for the size of the toy but not super deep. They quickly turn uncomfortably buzzy when you increase them (with the side buttons) however. Page through the other 7 settings, and you’ll find pulsation, escalation, and combinations of both. These settings have personally never done much for me, and Grace’s buzzy vibrations aren’t about to change my mind on that. It’s not that it’s awful per se, especially when compared to some similar toys, but it’s not my preference.

I think Grace is probably a little loud for its power output. It won’t wake the neighbors or even the roommates, and pressing it against your body (or using it under the blanket of with the shower on) can muffle some of the sound. But it’s definitely not whisper quiet. Of course, this is rarely an issue when you love the feel of the vibrations.

The rest of the toy’s design is.. okay. I think a lot of similar clit toys are too flat along the side that makes contact with your body. I wish the Siri, for example, was more convex than it is. I always wind up using my fingertips to press toys against my body because they’re not pronounced enough. That’s why I enjoyed the Laya‘s shape. Grace has a slightly more defined nub along the bottom, which is good, but it could have been.. more.

Grace is covered with a semi-soft silicone. At the edges and edges, there’s some give. This includes the nub, and might be a selling point for people who don’t like rigid toys, which a lot of clit vibrators seem to be. It’s the type of silicone that has a ton of drag and collects lint like crazy, however. You win some, you lose some, I guess.

The package touts Grace’s water resistance, and the charging port is a self-closing hole in the soft silicone, so I think it’ll do fine. For lint magnets like this, being able to withstand a full rinse is a must. Speaking of the charger, it slides right into the port with ease, something that doesn’t always happen with toys that use the hidden port design. I enjoy that I don’t have to fuss with it, and an LED by the side buttons and glows red to indicate that the toy is charged and also lights up. When the toy is on, the light glows white, which is not necessary but acceptable.

I think “acceptable” might be a good word for this toy. It’s certainly not the worst. It will get the job done, perhaps with a little effort. A lot of people will probably be content with grace, especially at its price point. Amazon has it for less than $50, although that’s below MSRP. With so many premium brands selling their toys well over $100 and other affordable toys disappearing the price might be what pushes people to buy Grace. I can’t really blame them, but I can wax nostalgic about a time when strong, deep, clitoral vibrators didn’t break the bank.

Thanks to Vibrators.com for sending me this to review, although my review took long enough that they no longer carry the Grace.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Bijoux Indiscrets cosmetics for better sex

Fun Factory Laya III

January 21st, 2024

Fun Factory Laya III
$109 from Fun Factory

I cannot believe Fun Factory has released three new versions of the Laya, and I have yet to wax poetic about its meaning in my life.

So why don’t I do that?

I have fond memories of using the original Laya Spot while sprawled sideways on my oversized armchair as Family Guy played in the background. I was in my San Antonio apartment, which I shared with my then-husband, who was, at the time, deployed. It was a difficult time in many ways, but I had my cats and a few trustworthy toys to get me three. Indeed, that was the year when I discovered I could squirt.

Much has changed since then: my relationship status, my pets, my location, and my education level, to name just a few. How often I use sex toys is also not the same. As it turns out, Fun Factory’s “lay on” vibrator isn’t the same, either. If you can believe it, they’re now on the fourth version of the Laya, although it’s the Laya III because one was just an iteration of the Laya II, which I had things to say about.

Laya III is a noticeably different toy from these previous options. The new light teal (which Fun Factory calls “Sage Green” but is definitely not) or lavender options remind me more of the original’s colors than either of the Laya II revamps. Folks might not remember, but the Laya Spot came in a variety of dual-color combinations. It was fun, if not financially feasible in the long run. However, Fun Factory has done away entirely with the contrasting side panels, instead opting for an allover color. This makes it a seamless toy, however.

Another change comes in the texture, which is now diagonally ribbed along the top and sides of the toy–everywhere but the place where it will make contact with your clitoris. To be honest, I’m not sure that this achieves much other than aesthetics. I suppose if your hands are full of lube, it might be easier to grasp, but I did not typically use lube with clitoral toys, and if your fingers were that coated, they would slip right off the smooth buttons.

As for the silicone itself, it’s more velvety and has less drag. It’s not a lint magnet like the Laya Black Line, which my pictures clearly show. I swear, there is no way to remove lint from this thing, but that is, fortunately, not an issue carried over to the Laya III. Of course, the hard plastic of the original didn’t attract lint, so it’s nice not to have to worry about this again.

I still don’t know if I really like the placement of these buttons, but I think that’s a me problem. The bubble design from the Laya II carried over, meaning it’s far easier to press than those on the original Laya Spot. However, I just don’t love them. Truthfully, I want something bigger, flatter, and just… impossible to miss. I’ve spent too much time using vibrators to fumble for the controls that are less than obvious.

But what about the vibrations controlled by those buttons? A side-by-side comparison of the Laya III and Black Line Laya shows that the Black Line’s lowest level of vibrations is stronger, but it has fewer (3) levels of steady vibrations than the Laya III. The highest level seems about the same on both, so the change in the Laya III’s 5 levels is more incremental, something that is absolutely not needed. That makes it bizarre that they toute these unnecessary incremental changes as a customizable experience.

And while the vibrations on the highest setting are similar, they are not identical. The Black Line’s vibrations feel more targeted, although “pinpoint” wouldn’t be accurate. The Laya III feels chaotically diffused in contrast. I actually prefer the Black Line, a toy that previously left me incredibly disappointed. When you consider that the Laya II is stronger than the Black Line, it’s clear that Laya III’s motor is a step backyard.

Y’all, I gotta be honest, I didn’t look much into the Laya III before I tried it. I saw the name, and I wanted it. I completely missed the fact that the motor apparently vibrates and taps until I watched the video after starting this review. And if that’s supposed to be true, I literally cannot feel it. It feels like marketing BS, and I hate typing that.

Laya III’s ribs, supposedly for containing lube

This is where I also admit that I didn’t realize the texture is supposed to hold lube with the suggestion that you can use either end of the Laya III for pinpoint stimulation. But we’ve already established that the vibrations feel more diffuse at the stronger end than previous of the toy, so there’s no way the weaker end will somehow feel more targeted.

So, really, why did Fun Factory make this toy?

Or, rather, why didn’t they just promote a previous iteration of the Laya that showed how it could be versatile? Because I think it has always deserved more love than it got, and there was no need to improve upon a perfectly good design once they upgraded to a rechargeable motor with decent strength.

Barring a drastic change, I think we got the best Laya we’re going to get our hands on a few years ago. Of course, not everyone has a previous version, so the Laya III isn’t a terrible option for them. After all, if you don’t know what you’re missing, how can you miss it? Some folks might swoon over Laya III, especially if they don’t have much to compare it to, but we’re long past the days of the original, which cost less than $50.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Vibease Remote Control Vibrator

November 23rd, 2019

Vibease Remote Control Vibrator
$94 from Vibease

The next time I agree to review an app-based toy? Don’t let me. Whatever you do, don’t let me.  I’ve had more than my fair amount of frustrations trying to connect smart toys to apps. Either they won’t pair, or they won’t stay paired.

And maybe warn me against a toy whose name reminds us of something intended to help make a bowel movement easier. But I digress.

Vibease, at least, seems to have removed some of the frustration from the Bluetooth process. Connecting the toy to my phone was easy. Open the app, click the vibe icon, and follow the on-screen instructions. But while the connection was easy enough, the company struggles to figure out how to make it work best. Vibease tries to revolutionize smart toys with their clitoral vibrator, but does it work?

First, the not-so-new feature: you can see a handful of preset vibration settings or edit them. It reminded me of the MysteryVibe Crescendo quite a bit. Like that vibe, it’s so much more intuitive and easier to use the buttons on the toy (one is a power button, and the other cycles through the five default modes) rather than to open an app and get to the right menu.

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Make no mistake, however, the main focus of the Vibease app seems to be the erotica library. I guess it makes sense to add another function to the app that you’re already using. And if you’re a sex toy company and want to expand to related sexual markets, erotica also makes sense.

But all of this ignores the fact that many people don’t want to use apps, not when one hand is full of lube or both are busy. It detracts from the moment, and the idea of cross-contamination makes my skin crawl.

With the Vibease toy, I’d prefer to just use the buttons. And with the app? I find that I wish the stories could be downloaded via browser, whether I’m on my laptop or phone. This would make the content accessible from a wider variety of devices, but it also means that you wouldn’t need to waste space for the app itself. Plus, I think it’s easier to keep prying eyes away from files than an app.

Furthermore, browsing the library varies depending on your device. I can see new, top, and featured stories on my phone or in my browser. But there’s only a link to see more in my browser, and on my phone, premium stories seem to be prioritized. While I think the browser-based erotica “store” is well organized to help users find something they might like, the app library is much more difficult to use. You can listen to samples before you download, which I find incredibly useful, but recent use comments on show up on the browser. In the browser, you can easily follow an author that you like or look at tags, which include whether a story is read by a male or female voice (some stories are notated but lack a clickable tag). I cannot locate a way to search tags or look at more stories in the categories in the app.

It seems like you pretty much have to use the browser version to find stories and authors you like and then like/fav them to access in the app. While you can like stories in the app, they’re much harder to find, and you must download them first. It doesn’t appear that you can remove likes from the app, either. It’s very frustrating.

I listened to about over a dozen samples, and none of them really worked for me save for one, but it wasn’t free. I wasn’t interested enough to download them ket alone pay for any of them. That’s right, some of these cost credits, which costs 10 for $1! Most of the premium stories cost 20 or 25 credits as far as I can tell, but some cost 50 or more credits.

As I was sampling, I physically cringed when one narrator began making weird noises with his mouth to imitate going down on a woman. Many of the stories are the narrator talking to the listener, which seems cheesy. The writing really varies in quality, as well. It just all seemed.. so bad.

Now, I am not super experienced with audio erotica, so it’s really hard for me to say if this is low-quality and everyone should skip it, perhaps heading to their favorite sources for high-quality audio erotica, or if it’s just not my thing.  I guess if my readers like the genre, they should check it out and see if anything piques their interest. And if they do? Leave me a comment so I can know if I am wrong.

For the sake of this review, I downloaded a free tory. It took much longer than I expect compared to streaming audio or video content on my phone. Honestly, that would be pretty offputting if I wanted to get off. The download tracker doesn’t estimate how much time is remaining, nor does it allow you to download in the background. Backing out cancels the download entirely. Eventually, you’ll get the story downloaded and will judge if the preview leads you astray or not.

Once you get something downloaded, the toy will vibrate with the story. The Vibease site describes it this way:

When the audiobook says “I’m touching you softly”, Vibease vibrates slowly.
When the audiobook says “I’m touching you roughly”, Vibease vibrates hard.

So every story will feel different. But I don’t think I am alone when I suggest that variety isn’t really the spice of life here. I want dependable, and Vibease isn’t. “Anticipations and surprises” aren’t a positive here.

At first, this paired vibration function didn’t even work. Manual buttons are supposed to deactivate when the toy is paired, but I was able to control it despite the app telling me it was paid. I don’t know why. I had to restart the vibrator.

Then, it was, as expected, vibrating in a way that was not at all dependable — or strong enough. The app has a weird visualizer that you can use to adjust the speed and strength of the current setting as created by the story; what I saw was different than the provided screenshot. Perhaps that explains why it was so confusing to use. There was no tutorial to use the app to make this easier.

Because you can change these settings (and precisely adjust speed and strength, which I’ll touch on later), Vibease doesn’t really have specific strength levels. Regardless, Vibease is still weak and make-your-hands-tickle buzzy even at its highest setting. I would almost rather turn the toy off and grind it against myself. But what’s the point of it being a vibrator, then? And the lackluster vibrations mean that all of the presets are pretty forgettable. Besides, I’d almost always rather have steady vibrations.

And, as also expected, the vibes changed at the most inopportune of time. The narration was poorly timed for me, as well.

I tried so very hard. I gave it more than my all in order to write a comprehensive review. In the end, I grabbed another toy and eeked out a less-than-impressive orgasm. I was more than giddy to shut off the toy and delete the app from my phone — forever.

Now, you might think you can avoid this by using the app as a remote without the story-guided vibrations. But you’d be wrong. I honestly couldn’t find a way to do this. Without this function, I wouldn’t even call Vibease a “remote control vibrator.”

I guess this argument works because you can connect with a partner who can control your toy, which seems to require that they also have the app. I wasn’t able to test this out, but Vibease functions as a sort of weird chat app if you connect it to you other apps, so you can ostensibly call, text, or cam with someone while you masturbate.

App aside, Vibease is yet another clitoral vibrator. Its strongest point is the shape. I like clitoral toys that are less of a gradual curve and are more angular or have a pronounced protrusion for clitoral stimulation. That’s part of the reason I have loved Laya since I first laid my hands on it a decade ago, and while Lelo’s Lily, for example, never did much for me. Siri has enough of a nub to work for me, but I wish it were more drastic.

Vibease has a more defined shape, which allows me to get a lot of pressure when using the vibe. But I wish it was bigger and wider. The vibe is still too small to for my hands to comfortably use without cramping.

The company may be onto something with its plan to pair erotica with a vibrator, but it all seems too premature to be released to the public. The app needs to incorporate desktop features that enable the user to more easily find stories and actually work as a remote. Then, it needs to have some sort of tutorial or, at the very least, a help center that explains how the hell to work it. It was so frustrating to even get to the point where I could listen to the damned story. I had to force myself to listen.

On top of that, the vibrator needs to be refined and the motor needs to be much stronger. Who cares if the toy is smart, waterproof, made from body-safe silicone, or USB rechargeable if it can’t meet that basic criteria?

With those changes, people might find it easier to use Vibease and want to use it over other toys. But I would hesitate to recommend this vibe, at just shy of $100, when I know there are vibrators out there that are cheaper and better.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

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JeJoue Mimi Soft

February 12th, 2019

JeJoue Mimi Soft
$99 from SheVibe

Seven years ago, I reviewed the original Mimi in a short, lackluster (both in my writing skill and my opinion of the toy) review. The truth was, I always suspected my original Mimi was defective because people loved it. I mean, almost every review was a rave one, and people discussed the strength of the vibrations favorably. I thought little of mine, and while I didn’t really discuss it in my review, I was also underwhelmed with the buttons, which were tiny and difficult to press. You might remember this being an issue with the G-Ki, another JeJoue toy. I also noted that the motor was loud and whiny, another turnoff.

I wound up trading both toys away. I have no idea who has them, but I recall sending away the Mimi with the warning that it may very well be defective. Sorry if you’re the person who wound up with it and if it was.

So, you’re probably wondering why I would try the sophomore version of this vibrator. And the answer, as always, is curiosity. In the past six months, I’ve tried revamped efforts of vibrators by We-Vibe and Fun Factory, so why not this one?

And perhaps I am just a bit of a masochist in this (and other) ways.

But the curiosity has me in its grips, just like this arctic blast. I’ve been wondering if my original Mimi was defective for so long that I just had to give this one a try.

I avoided calling Mimi Soft the “new” version because it’s not, really. JeJoue released it years ago. There have been plenty of reviews. I am late to the game. But I hope that my review will shed a little insight.

Mimi and Mimi Soft look pretty similar. They’re like pebbles that fit in your hand and quite remind me of JeJoue’s Pebble attachment, which I bought and promptly avoided reviewing due to my disappointment. I described the various ways this shape might be helpful in my original Mimi review, but for my purposes, I want to use it against the side of my clit with the toy perpendicular to my body.

For whatever reason, I thought the original was rather triangular. Perhaps it was. Perhaps I was just wrong. The Mimi Soft is definitely rounded, and the soft silicone exterior only adds to this impression. The tip is quite rounded and can easily be depressed with a finger or in use, of course.

I enjoy plush toys like this for clitoral use because I like so much pressure. I really grind the toy against my body and hold it tightly. A bit of plushness means I can apply pressure without worrying about cutting myself but also relieves a bit of stress from my fingers. While the Mimi Soft isn’t nearly as plush as the We-Vibe Wish (and it’s most plush near the tip and not where you’d hold it), this still makes it much more comfortable to hold than the original, which was hard-coated in plastic.

The plushness also lends itself to increasingly firmer use. As I get closer to orgasm, I can push until there’s no more give.

Mimi Soft has buttons similar to the original, which means they’re located on the end, work as the charging connections, are small and sit nearly flush with the toy.  They’re surrounded by a layer of smooth plastic that snugly fits around the buttons. This makes them difficult to press. If you have larger fingers or longer nails, it’s a bit frustrating. I prefer a button that’s more offset from the toy and a bit plush itself. During use, my fingers struggle to find them, and the tiny symbols, and I certainly can barely differentiate between them. Fortunately, the – button is engraved while the + button is embossed, which makes it a bit easier. Still, if your fingers are covered in lube or you’re a bit distracted, the buttons will be frustrating.

These buttons turn the toy on and increase vibrations or power off and decrease, respectively. There’s a third button that cycles through the settings. The design is a no-brainer as long as you know which button you’re pressing. Both Mimi and Mimi Soft have 5 vibration levels, and you can navigate between the 7 pulsation settings with the center button.

I can still remember the feelings that encompassed me with the first Mimi. Paired with the confusion over everyone else’s enjoyment, it was a bitter cocktail. Fortunately, the Mimi soft is more enjoyable. The vibrations, especially the lower 3 settings, seem quite rumbly for the size of this toy. There’s an enjoyable pitter-patter that you can hear when it’s on. The vibrations are nice but not mindblowing.

Any experienced toy user will be unsurprised that the vibrations become buzzier as intensity increases, but the Mimi Soft keeps this to a minimum. Yes, the highest level tickles my hand a bit, but it’s much less buzzy than the highest level Siri 2, for example. And while Siri 2 seems a bit stronger, it also tickles my hand much more uncomfortably while in use. I find the strength of Mimi Soft on the fourth level good enough to get me off and can skip the buzziest, higher level. However, the depth of the vibrations on the lower settings produces some respectable pulsations if you’re into that sort of thing.

Don’t get me wrong, however. The real strength of the Mimi soft lies in its shape and softness. The narrow edge allows for more pinpoint pressure. I don’t so much use the tip as I do the side of the Mimi Soft. although, the tip would provide even more pinpoint stimulation that’s easily under your control.

Another improvement from the original Mimi is the lack of whining motor. The Mimi Soft is a bit loud for its size but not so much that I’d worry about someone hearing it in another room through a closed door, especially if pressed against your body under the covers or with other background noise. Since I’m comparing it with the Siri 2, I have to note that Mimi Soft is the louder of the two by a bit.

All things considered, I’d reach for Mimi Soft over similar toys when I wanted deeper vibrations. I may enjoy it more than my Siris because of the plush angle the side presents. However, it’s thin enough to bother my fingers for marathon sessions, so I’d rather use something larger/rounder if I plan to get off more than a couple of times.

There are many people to whom I would recommend the Mimi Soft as long as their requirements don’t involve penetration or massive amounts of power and assuming the motors of the Mimi and Mimi Soft are the same, I can rest assured that my first was a dud, and I was initially misled.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.