Crazy Girl Diva Dust

March 18th, 2012

Crazy Girl Diva Dust

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You can no longer buy this product.

The last of the bath and body items I received from Classic Erotica was the Crazy Girl Diva Dust. Like the other items I reviewed, these all focus on sensuality that is conducive to sexuality. Admittedly, body dust isn’t something I would necessarily pick out for myself. I’ve never really bronzed and I don’t always want to be full of glitter. However, it’s something I can see myself occasionally using, now that I’ve had the chance to try it out.The Crazy Girl Diva Dust is not only a shimmery dust but it’s flavored as well. Anything that gets me a lick is a-okay in my book.

Like the other Crazy Girl products, this one is paraben-free, sugar-free, sulfate-free and not tested on animals. If you are on some sort of anti-sugar diet, then licking this off your lover won’t hurt you. According to the manufacturer’s description, this little tub of powder has a lot of powers:

Base of cornstarch, talc and mica for softness plus an even tone to skin upon application. Vitamin C antioxidant helps in collagen production, revitalizes improves skin tone and texture. Aloe Vera Leaf Extract skin soothing, moisturizing agent. Sexy sparkle and shine to accentuate your best assets. Light body shimmer powder designed to give skin a sensual sparkle and glow.

There are some known dangers to inhaling talcum powder, and I do believe that proponents can point out other potential dangers. However, for my infrequent use, this isn’t something that bothers me. I can’t say that this product improves my skin tone or make it softer. It’s already soft enough when I apply it, right out of the shower. What I can say that it does it adds a hint of flavor and a lot of sparkle.

Crazy Girl Diva Dust

The tub has a screw-off cap and, inside sits a powder puff over the powdered-sugar style container. The small holes allow you to shake the container to apply the product to the puff itself. You can shake off excess product back into the container. There was a sticker seal over the holes when I first received the body dust, so it’s not messy when you first buy it. On the puff, the dust has a hint of color. They call it gold but it’s a shimmery tan. Really, I can only see the glitter on my skin, so I think that this would work on any skin tone, really. The shimmer is super noticeable, however. It’s probably best for wearing at night.

The light sweet taste is accompanied by a similar scent. It’s pleasant but a bit generic. There’s no syrup-y aftertaste/aftersmell, though. The smell isn’t really strong enough to notice over other scented products. I wouldn’t mind tasting it on someone, and the glitter is a good indicator to “lick here.”

I did apply some of this to my sensitive inner thighs after shaving to see if it might help with irritation that I sometimes experience. I don’t know if it helped, but it didn’t hurt.

I’m feeling pretty favorable about this product. It’s light, it’s sweet, it shimmers. It is something I would save for specific occasions, however. I can’t see myself running out any time soon. On the plus side, it’s far cheaper than the honey dusts by Shunga or Kama Sutra, so it’s a nice alternative for someone who wants just a bit of flavored product at a lower price.

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Cake Body Butter

December 28th, 2011

Cake Body Butter

Cake Body Butter

Thankfully, this terrible product is no longer available.

It’s fucking perplexing is what it is. How did TopCo come up with the Cake line of body products? How did they design them so gorgeously? How did they plant the idea into my head that I needed them? And how the hell did they create body butters that smell rancid?

If you don’t live in a barn or Afghanistan, then you know I’ve been wanting to try these products for a while. I did try the lipgloss and it was all right. It didn’t put me off, though! I’ll just try a different product, a different scent. Surely I’ll like some of it?! So I was pretty damned excited when the folks at OurNaughtySecrets scent me not one but three of the body butters. I was all kid-in-a-candy shop when I opened the box because, in my opinion, Topco really struck it out of the park with this line.

The packaging is all feminine colors and cartoon pin-ups, reminiscent of a simpler time. Each scent features a different girl and color scheme. For instance, red velvet is pink and boasts a bosomy blonde who reminds me, ever-so-slightly, of Nancy Drew. Y’know, if she were a bosomy blonde who wanted to suck my cock.

The lotion comes in jars but the jars themselves sit in little cardboard boxes that open from the top, like bakery boxes. Except for the Angel Food Cake. That one has some weird hanging box design that is awkward. Still, the design is cute and the jars themselves have metal lids which already remind me of something you’d find in the kitchen or bakery.


Then you open them up and SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THE ATROCITY I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF THRICE!!!! AAAHHUYTTRFDQWGWQGARGLE! And that is putting it nicely. Something went horribly, horribly, God-awfully wrong with the actual formula. The body butters smell rancid. There’s no other way to put it. I’m not entirely sure that the ingredients didn’t somehow start to ferment as the product sat in a warehouse and on trucks during shipping. Or maybe no one smelled the products after the final testing phase. Either way, it.is.bad.guys.

The Devil’s Food cake smells like rancid chocolate. Like you made some pudding, let it rot for a year and a half while you were in a coma, came home and thought “Hey, maybe it’s still good.” It’s not. The red velvet smells startlingly similar; although, it’s more generically sweet and rancid. To be honest, it’s kind of hard to pin down what red velvet actually smells like and I couldn’t even describe the taste but I’m sure this is not it.

The Angel Food doesn’t actually smell rancid. It could be getting there, though. There’s just a hint of something that I don’t like so while I am going to throw away the body butters in the other scents, I will probably try to use this one. Once I put it on, the scent seems much more balanced. It’s got a kind of vanilla/white-cake smell going on but there’s a definite hint of something like hazelnut which doesn’t belong. I had the same complaint about the lip gloss so.. at least they got it wrong consistently? It’s not awful, though, just nuttier than I’d like.

The body butter is thick and whipped. It’s fun. It rubs into the skin nicely, rather than slathering about on top of it, and does leave my skin faster. However, the containers are only about half full. Perhaps Topco meant to only fill it to below the brim but it’s shifted in transit and has moved to only one half of the jar.

So, the jars are super cute and after I empty them, I will definitely want to put stuff in them. Like pennies, except I have this awesome change counting jar. What the hell should I do with the cute containers from the awful atrocities Topco calls Cake?

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Cake Lip Plumper

May 9th, 2011

Cake Lip Plumper Angel Food

Cake Lip Plumper Angel Food

This product has been discontinued since I originally reviewed it.

I don’t know about you but I own a lot of lip glosses. I don’t know why exactly. I just love when my lips are shiny and shimmery and smell good, even if I’m not being kissed. I expected that I’d love the Cake lip plumper because I also love sweets.

This plumper comes in a .20 fl ounce tube with the typical lip gloss applicator. The tube is a little smaller than most of them I own but that’s not a bad thing necessarily. The design is super cute: black and liht teal with red accents. The tube and box feature a pin-up style woman and even the font alludes to a previous time.

The product makes a couple claims. 1) It tingles. This is pretty accurate. You can definitely feel the plumper at work after you apply it. If you’ve used other lip plumping products, then you’ll be familiar with the feeling. It can get a little uncomfortable so you may want to be pretty sparse with our applications at first.

Secondly, the product is scented. I received the Angel Food Cake scent; however, there are other cake scents available. My biggest complaint with the product is that it does not smell like angel food cake. There’s a distinct mocha sort of scent and, as I’m not a fan of coffee, this is both confusing and a turn-off.

At least it’s not as terrible as the rancid-smelling body butters in this line.

Lastly, the Cake Lip Plumper is supposed to taste like cake. Let me tell you this: the cake is a lie. It is not flavoured. It tastes like wax, which is typical of many lip products. Thus, you won’t want to run around licking your lips the way you would when wearing VS lip gloss. Just sayin’. Nevertheless, this lip gloss is far less sticky than any I’ve tried by VS, which I do like.

Appearance wise, the Cake gloss adds shine but no color. As for the plumping abilities, I can’t say that I noticed much of a difference and this obviously isn’t intended to have permanent effects.

I’d still be satisfied with this product if I enjoyed the scent and I suspect that I probably would enjoy some of the other scents (cookie dough, devils food), if they’re actually what you would expect. The Lip Plumper is decent as a lip product, with vitamins E and C. I just wish the angel food scent was accurate.

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Lights Outs Glow Shower Gel Raspberry

February 8th, 2011

Lights Outs Glow Shower Gel Raspberry

Lights Outs Glow Shower Gel Raspberry

You can no longer purchase this product.

If you’ve ever thought “I want to glow in the dark” or “I bet it would be cool to shower with no lights on” or if you’re just a dork, like I am, then this product might interest you. You’ll probably have to ignore the fact that the entire design is reminiscent of mini-golf courses or Chuck E Cheese but, who wouldn’t with glow in the dark body wash?!

First things first. In the image, this appears white. It’s really not. The raspberry scent is a very pale, sickly looking pink. I could do with something a little prettier but I don’t know how realistic that is, given the glow in the dark properties.

Second, this bottle is pretty damned small. The Exotic Fruit Show Gel by Shunga is exponentially larger. This is a problem when you consider how poorly this product lathers. It’s super thin and washes away so easily that I always have to reapply to my bath poof. The bottle is almost half gone after only two weeks or so of use.

Thirdly, the raspberry scent is very unsophisticated. It’s not the subtle and finely crafted scent that I prefer. Rather, it’s run of the mill and too heavy because it’s not really good. Read: cheap.

But, it does glow in the dark. After sitting in the light (my bathroom has a window so this occurs all day), the bottle will turn a light green and cast off light. It’s pretty neat and makes finding your bath products easier if, you know, the power is out. Once you start to lather, however, this quickly disappears. You can’t make any glow in the dark hand prints on your mirror or chase people around like a ghost. This is kind of a failure, in my opinion. Who wants the glowy fun to end?

So, I will be retiring this bottle until such time as I a) run out of good body wash (Skinny Dip Shower Gel is a better product) or b) plan to shower with no lights on or c) just wanna show it to someone. Not using it is the only way you’ll get your money’s worth anyway.

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Octopussy Dildo

December 9th, 2010

This is an archived review. Babeland no longer sells the Octopussy dildo. Furthermore, I have had a Pipedream dildo break because it is a lower quality glass.

I strongly recommend reading Lilly’s guide to glass sex toy safety before making any glass dildo purchases!

Octopussy dildo

When it comes to my sex toys, I do not especially like the weird but there was something about the Octopussy Dildo that called to me when Babeland offered it up for review. This glass dildo is stylized so that it looks like an octopus tentacle or, potentially, an appendage of an alien. The pink glass is shaped like the end of a tentacle with a number of bumps that aid in the fantastic design but do not appear like actual tentacle suckers up close. The bumps run in two lines along the length of the dildo, from the tip to the end of the handle, which curves back toward the shaft to create an open loop for easy maneuvering.

If you’re interested in this piece because of its looks, rest assured that it is more attractive in person. All the retail images I have seen appear pale pink but this one is a glistening, vibrant pink. Although glass, the colour makes it translucent and not quite transparent.

Like any other glass piece, the rigidity makes it feel larger than it is but the Octopussy Dildo is not especially large. In fact, it only offers 4.5″ of insertable length out of the 6.5″ or so of the entire piece. In addition to this, the dildo has a diameter of nearly an inch. However, the Octopussy Dildo does not have a round shaft but one that is oblong–wider than it is tall. This dildo has a slight curve that may cup the pubic bone but that is not drastic enough to reach all G-spots if the user does not angle the toy to do so.

I found it easy to feel that there was texture on the Octopussy but I could not necessarily determine what that texture was. Because my G-pot is fairly shallow, the Octopussy was able to stimulate it with minimal movement. Nevertheless, I am not sure that the texture is one that I found especially pleasurable.

I do like the handle, though. Because you don’t have to worry about mechanical parts, you may wish to take this dildo into the shower with you. Water and even lube can make slick glass even more slippery but the loop offers the ability to keep a handle on the toy despite these factors. Because it is so rigid, I would avoid quick movements that could pinch your fingers. Additionally, the loop is only large enough for one finger–maybe two, if yours are small.

Glass is easy to care for: the slickness makes it easy to wash with soap and water or you can boil it for 3 minutes to sterilize (making it safe for sharing). Furthermore, you can dunk it in a bowl or warm or cold water for temperature play, if you are so inclined. If the Octopussy has been unused for a while, it is likely to be cold when you first take it out but it will warm to body temperature with use.

Although I have no major complaints about the dildo itself, I am sad that Pipedream did not include any storage options with it. There isn’t even a cheap pouch. You will want to purchase a toy pouch, make your own or store it in some protective fabric to prevent chipping, breaking or annoying clanging when it comes into contact with other toys.

If you’re into tentacles or odd toys, you may want to pick up the Octopussy Dildo but I’m not sure it’s worth the price tag in comparison to other glass toys and considering the manufacturer.

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Sensual Cocoa & Goji Berry Cleansing Bath and Shower Gel

August 31st, 2010

Cocoa & Goji Berry Shower Gel

Cocoa & Goji Berry Shower Gel

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Thus far, I have really been satisfied by all the Intimate Organics products I’ve tried. The clitoral gel was intense, the G-spot gel made me squirt, the water-based lube is decent if not smelly and the shower gel is pretty much amazing.

Sensual Cocoa & Goji Berry Cleansing Bath and Shower Gel comes in a 240ml bottle with a press-top cap. The label features a typical woman’s abdomen in blue hues, and the clear bottle shows the gel, which has a porgy (pink + orange) hue.

This cocoa and goji berry scent smells a lot like chocolate-covered cherries with a hint of mocha, to me. Thankfully, the coffee undertones are not strong as I am not a huge coffee fan. This shower gel creates a giant fluffy lather on my shower poof. It’s.. totally fun. It feels silky on my skin and leaves it smooth immediately after. The combination of scent and lather and silkiness make for a great shower experience. I’d say that calling this product “sensual” is right on the money.

And while my skin stays pretty soft during the day, the scent doesn’t stay with me, sadly. I like shower gels that do that, but Sensual Cocoa & Goji Berry Cleansing Bath and Shower Gel just doesn’t. Still, it’s enjoyable in the shower. It’d be great for partner play or a long bubble bath. In fact, you could combine it with Intimate Organics’ bubble bath of the same scent and top the whole thing off with the body souffle. I’m pretty sure you’d smell quite chocolate and fruity, then.

While not the perfect product, Sensual Cocoa & Goji Berry Cleansing Bath and Shower Gel makes my shower time enjoyable and I bet it will last forever.

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Isis

March 30th, 2010

Isis

Isis

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Isis is one of the few non-glass products by Luxotiq but, like all their products, is made with the same gentle curves which make it both incredibly attractive and functional. This silicone dildo is soft but vibrant pink and sports not one but two functional ends to meet all needs. Although I am not a connoisseur of dildos by any means, I do find Isis to work splendidly; in fact, I think this piece of certainly worthy of a goddess’ name.

Isis is made of silicone which is firmer than it is soft but still has some flexibility. It’s not as firm as Tantus toys but remains more firm than most Fun Factory silicone. The particular composition of silicone feels noticeably dense to me. The shape could be described as a loose and long “S” but it is not symmetrical. One side has a gentle curve while the shaft gradually increases in size and the other side is generally smaller with a flatter head angling off from the shaft. The entire piece has a velvety texture and while there is a seam which runs around the toy and can be felt by a finger, it is not felt internally.

I first experimented with the thicker end, inserting it with a little water-based lube. The shaft grows to about 1 1/2″ in girth so it’s neither tiny nor gigantic. It falls right into my comfortable range and a lot of people consider that about “medium” sized. However, the size increases toward the end so you can’t work your way up to it; it’s the other way around. I found the curve and size to be absolutely perfect for stroking my G-spot which, as you might recall, it fairly shallow. I sometimes have difficulty with angled G-spot toys and much prefer the curve of the Isis. It’s also interesting because I usually have more success with G-spot vibes, not dildos so I was a bit surprised how easy it was to “milk” my G-spot. I achieved ejaculation within a minute or two and the girth helped stimulate exactly the right spot.

Used in this way, the angular end is great for a handle and there is plenty of length to grasp (unlike the Dai-Do #5 which I just tried). I didn’t have to insert it very far at all but Isis’ design seems ideal no matter how deep your G-spot it. I didn’t opt for any fancy maneuvering simply because the girth was comfortably snug for me but I am sure you could.

If the curved end is too thick or doesn’t offer the stimulation you prefer, Isis can be inserted the “opposite” way, too. The angled head is smaller (1″ diameter) and offers a bit more precise movement. It doesn’t personally fit me the best, but that is part of the appeal of having a double-sided dildo.

Those are not the only perks, of course. This dildo can easily be cleaned with soap and water, as the included “business” card instructs. There is even a soft cloth for drying to because silicone has the tendency to pick up lint. It’s only a few inches long and wide, though so it’s not as practical as it could be. I just use a regular towel or you could let Isis air dry, too. These are nice touches, though.

I also appreciate that the dildo came in a sealed plastic bag which I actually had to cut (okay, I probably ripped it) open. Very few toys come this way, and I admit, even when they are settled in a pretty-looking box (and Isis does come in a nice white and pink box that ties shut with ribbon; it sits on pink satin over a foam-ish core), I don’t know how clean the box/fabric is for the dildo to be returned to it for storage (or vice versa). It just gives it a cleanly feeling but it might just be me. If you are a neat freak, Isis could be boiled or submerged in a deep solution to sanitize but most folks probably do not need to do this.

Although it’s versatile, I don’t think Isis would really work perfectly between two bodies at once and I would not advise anal use (unless you’re super advanced) because the lack of a flared base. It is certainly long enough that a partner could use it on you, of course. (=

My review seems short but, the truth is, dildos don’t do much. Their either work or they don’t and, for the most part, I am not a dildo girl. Still, I can say that Isis is a quality dildo that does work for me and will probably work for many.

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