My Mini-Miracle Massager Pleasure Kit

October 12th, 2011

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

Sometimes, toys make it to the shelf with such a design flaw that I really have to wonder, “What were they thinking?” Such is the case with the My Mini-Miracle Massager Pleasure Kit. I was perplexed as soon as I opened the box but, you see, the description is kind of misleading. According to the website, “This complete kit contains 2 soft pliable attachments with the world famous Mini Miracle Massager.” So you would expect to receive a Mini Miracle Massager with some attachments and that, that I can live with. I would expect not to love every attachment but have a functional massager, nevertheless.

Wrong.

The problem is that it’s not a Mini Miracle Massager with some attachments (although, that already exists). It’s a model based on the Mini Miracle Massager, but there’s a permanent fixture on the head onto which you place attachments. The attachments are not part of a cup that goes over the head; rather, they both have a little hole that slides onto an awkwardly placed knob on the side of the wand. Perhaps it wouldn’t seem so awkward if you only used the pleasure kit for vaginal/internal stimulation because then you can aim the extension up and hold the handle perpendicular to your body. Unfortunately, I think of this type of toy as clitoral by default –and the tongue-shaped attachment certainly supports my conclusion — so I don’t want to do that.

Mini Miracle Massager Probe AttachmentI tried anyway. I put the little nubby attachment on first after giving it a good scrubbing. From the side, it looks like a character with a cartoonishly large nose. While the TPE attachments may be Phthalate-free, they freaking stink. I mean, pew! As suspected, the placement was awkward, and the shape was less than ideal for clitoral stimulation. I didn’t get off.

I had even less success with the tongue shape. I couldn’t figure out what I was supposed to do with it. The most comfortable way to hold it implies internal stimulation, but I don’t like tongue-shapes inside of me. To align the tongue with my clit, I’d either have to point the end of the handle between my knees or down toward my abdomen, so that was a no-go either.

My Mini Miracle MassagerI’d like to say the massager itself was redeemed, but it’s not because you can’t use it by itself. There’s a sticky-offy knobby thing that not only gets in the way but feels pretty unhygienic, too. The knob itself is unfinished, so water can get into it. The same is true for the extensions. You have a little less room to get in there and dry things off when you clean it, which I don’t like.

California Exotics has kept the same springy head and easy to use controls as the regular Miracle Massager, which I still love. There’s two speeds and an off. Unfortunately, this toy is pretty loud and not discreet at all. The vibrations are quite strong but not as deep as the Miracle Massager.

I’m not a fan of the detachable cord because it’s easy to mix it up with something else. If I can remove a cord, the toy should be rechargeable, which this isn’t. I don’t understand the point. This one is pretty long — upwards of three feet — but the adapter itself is overly large, clunky and annoying.

Annoying just about sums up the My Mini-Miracle Massager Pleasure Kit. Just buy your Mini Miracle Massager and attachments separately.

CEN Sexpert

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Couture Collection Inspire Wand Vibrator

May 24th, 2010

Thus far, I’ve tried 4 or 5 different pieces from the Couture Collection by California Exotic Novelties, and they have all been pretty weak, if not somewhat attractive in design. The Inspire, however, is not pretty weak. Hell, it’s not even “pretty strong.” It is, by far, the strongest toy I own. In fact, it may well be too strong for me.

Inspire is the third wand-style massager I own, after the Miracle Massager and Ideal (which I found to be less than). It’s both stronger and smaller than the Miracle Massager, a vibrator I’ve come to enjoy for its broad head and its strong vibrations. The head of the Inspire is much smaller and rounded, which means I have to use the toy differently despite its overall genre.

Inspire is also kinda weird in that it’s an electric vibe, but you can unplug the adapter from the port on the toy. Initially, I thought this meant that it’s rechargeable, but it’s not. Some people like being able to swap power sources or whatever, but this is just kind of confusing to me.

Speaking of confusion, so was the control button, initially. There is a single button. One click turns it on. If you want to increase the setting, you have to press and hold it, but a quick click turns off the power. I am constantly turning it off when I want more power or the opposite. It’s supposed to be a little intuitive, but it will take some adjustment, especially because it’s so uncommon. If all vibrators used similar controls, this this would probably be great (alas, most controls suck!).

Anyway, I find myself really only using the lower settings because it’s hard for me to take a lot of power directly, and Inspire’s vibrations are much more pinpoint than those of the Miracle Massager. The spherical head of the Inspire has a diameter of 1.59″, definitely smaller than most wand massagers. It’s shorter, too, about 7.5″ in total length.

Another interesting aspect of the design is that the head of the Inspire massager is covered 2/3 of the way by a silicone cap. The cap offers a bit of give, but the head beneath it is made of hard plastic. You can take this off to clean it and slip it back on when you’re done. The cap will “gap” around the head if it’s not correctly aligned, however. Just turn it until it sits smoothly. It isn’t seamless, though. Like all silicone, be careful with silicone-based lubes and prepare for lint.

The head of the Inspire is on a flexible neck. I suppose there’s a spring beneath the accordion-folded plastic (maybe silicone?) that coats the neck. It offers a nice range of flexibility; however, liquids can easily find themselves between the folds of the material, and it seems a bitch to clean.

I mentioned before that I use this a little differently than the Miracle Massager because of its size and shape. I find myself focusing on the leg of my clitoral organ and moving it in quick back-and-forth movements. I’ve done this with other toys, like the Lily, but it’s definitely easier to hold the Inspire because it has a bigger (but not huge) handle. There’s also a slight curve to it, but I’m not sure if I’d really call it ergonomic. It doesn’t seem to help or hinder my use.

I also mentioned used the Inspire on lower settings because the vibrations are so shaky, they’re almost violent on higher settings. Surprisingly, the Inspire isn’t nearly as loud as you might think. The lower settings are quiet enough to use with the door closed, maybe some white noise. You might have to ensure someone in the same house is pretty distracted with the higher settings, though.

I’m lucky enough to have my bed a few feet from the wall, so the cord on the Inspire is more than adequate. It’s a bit over 8′ long, actually and thicker than most chargers but thin enough that my cats haven’t tried chewing on it. Yuck. A red light glows on the handle when the Inspire is plugged in.

Ultimately, the Inspire gave me a few good orgasms. The kind that leaves you all sweaty, yet you still want to get off just one more time. Or maybe that’s just me. But I don’t think it will be my go-to toy because it’s not quite my style.

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Get up to 30% off at MysteryVibe

Electric Infrared Massager

April 3rd, 2010

This toy is no longer available, but you can buy an infrared massager like this.

I have a secret. It’s not really that much of a secret, actually. Some like it hot but.. I don’t. Not really. I am not a big fan of heat. I keep my AC on all the time. I hate to sweat. I spend too much time inside on hot summer days because I cannot handle the sun. So I have strayed from heating products. It has been years since I’ve used a heating lube that was not a part of some “his and hers” set. I have never tried warm temperature play. It just didn’t seem appealing. So it was really a bit out of character when I decided to try the Electric Infrared Massager (available at the Adult Toy Shoppe) but sometimes the character we have come to be isn’t the character we should always be, right?

The Electric Infrared Massager comes in a giant blister pack with a tacky insert along with five different attachments for the vibrating side. This massager measures just shy of a foot at 11″, and the handle alone has a circumference of nearly 2″. The actual head has a diameter of 3.5″. The attachments all vary in size and shape but none are larger than the heating element.

The handle itself is about 8″ long and while the length does help offset the weight of the head, it’s still a bit unwieldy. The controls on the Electric Infrared Massager are located on the upper half of the handle, toward the shaft and consist of a single button that slides between the Off, Lo and Hi settings. The button does not slide as smoothly as I would like. Perhaps it is because my hands are small, but I find myself grasping the massager toward the other end of the handle (where it is thinner), and I cannot reach the button without actually moving my hand. I would personally like to see the button moved down and the handle thinner or shortened 2 – 3 inches.

For the most part, the massager is encased in a hard plastic which is metallic red in appearance. The lower half of the shaft is textured, which makes it easier to grasp, and there are a few “details” in black plastic (like the area around the button, which is labeled). This massager has a “flexible” neck which is made of accordion-like plastic. However, the flexibility is limited to maybe 10-15 degrees either way, even with an effort to put pressure on it. I would have preferred a truly flexible head like the one on the Miracle Massager.

The head is mostly spherical, with one side providing the heating stimulation while attachments push on to the other. The heating element side is round, and the element seems to be encased in a dark but translucent plastic. When the element is on, it can be seen glowing red through the plastic. The rounded design is broad but not entirely seamless. This end won’t be inserted, but it can still collect some gunk.

The other side of the head is flattened with a stout post in the center. Each attachment has a round neck, which just fits over this post. Attachments do not lock or click into place; they just fit snugly. There are two small holes in the connecting post, so perhaps the attachments should use a bit of suction as well. The attachments are not difficult to apply or remove, however.

One might think that the attachments themselves have something to do with the heating characteristics of this vibrator but it’s not the case. The attachment side has no heating effect. On the other hand, the rounded, heating side does transmit some of the vibrations because they are focused in the head.

My biggest problem with this vibrator is that the functions are dependent. If you turn it on low vibrations, it will turn on high heat and vice versa. I see no reason why the heating element should be on when you use attachments (because it won’t be touching you anyway). Furthermore, it always felt like the heat was on high when the vibrations were also on high, but this could be due to the massager heating up because of the vibrations. I would have preferred to turn the vibrations on low and the heat on high, rather than what it actually does.

Like many electric vibrators, this one is pretty strong. Maybe not the strongest ever, but it beats out any battery-operated toy I own. The lower setting is definitely deeper and more rumbly; the high setting sometimes is too high pitched for me and causes me to tickle uncomfortable. Surprisingly enough, the Electric Infrared Massager is not super loud. I don’t think it could be heard through a closed door (I couldn’t but my AC is a little loud).

I was not blown away by any of the attachments. I first tried the rounded foam attachment, which was okay but didn’t transmit the vibrations amazingly. Also, I have no idea how sanitary the hard foam really is. In fact, all of the softer attachments are of some mystery material. Perhaps a soft rubber or TPR, but I have no idea what the packaging doesn’t say. I assume the hard attachments are plastic, but I could be wrong.

The single cone attachment will probably work well for folks who like pinpoint stimulation; although, I don’t. I thought the double cone attachment might surround my clit, but, in reality, the points were too far away to hug it nicely. The “tickler” and “wide bumped” heads are both as wide as the entire hide, which makes them really bulky for clit stimulation. I guess my crotch is just not that wide. LOL However, I think that both of those attachments would work nicely for a body massage. Ultimately, I think this design is much better suited for actual massage than sexual stimulation.

I did enjoy the infrared heat, though. It doesn’t get too hot at all. Rather, it sort of feels the way the sun feels on your skin on a comfortable day, just warming you slightly. In fact, I prefer the warmth of the high setting. The reminiscence of a nice day actually makes me feel serene and the heat makes me super aware of the area it is on; I would assume it is drawing blood to the area. However, the head is still quite bulky for use in intimate areas.

The cord is fairly long, about 6′. I can easily use it on my bed because there is an outlet a few feet away, but it’s not something that could be easily used outside, in a vehicle, et cetera, at least, not without an extension cord. Of course, because this is a corded toy, it is not waterproof and should stay far away from the bathroom or pool. Cleaning would best be done with a damp cloth or toy wipe, not running water.

I didn’t know how much I could like heat until I tried the Electric Infrared Massager. However, I feel it would be a better investment if it were fine-tuned so that the settings can be used independently and the controls are easier to reach.

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