1. Fish
I get it. We’re in Wisconsin. Fishing is big, and maybe you like the outdoors. I’m glad you like it, even though it’s not my thing, but how do you think it sells you on a dating website?
2. A picture of your boat, 4-wheeler, snowmobile or tractor.. without you.
People on PlentyofFish seem to do this more than any other site. Hey dude, I want to know if you’re good looking or possibly fun. I’d rather see you on that piece of machinery or fixing it or.. catching a freakin’ fish wish it. It ads absolutely zero value to your profile.
3. More than one picture of you and your car.
I can tell exactly how much of an asshole you are by your car. C’mon, try me. What’s more, anyone who takes pictures with his cars is 99% guaranteed to be more of an asshole than I’ll date. Multiple pictures moves that up to 100%.
4. Bad Photoshop erasing of the ex.
Exes, we all have them. It sucks, right? Maybe you took some good pictures together, but these don’t need to be on your profile. Lie and tell me she’s your sister. Don’t do the world’s shittiest editing to scratch her out like some creepy stalker. Don’t physically rip the photo and scan it. Don’t black out her eyes. If you don’t have any other good photo of you, make one. This is what you do, guys: call your buddy, your sister, your mom, anyone who is willing to take some photos. Put on your best shirt, find a nice outdoor spot and take some God damned pictures until you look good.
5. Anything that makes you look like an alcoholic
Again, this is Wisconsin. Our beer is cheap and there are only two people who don’t like it, yours truly included. I don’t care if you like to drink or go out (actually, I do. We’d have incompatible lifestyles), and I’ve seen a lot of fun pictures where people were obviously enjoying themselves at night, on the town, but here’s a few suggestions to make sure your drinkin’ pics are safe:
- For every drinking pic, put up two without alcohol
- Don’t post any picture drunk
- Don’t post any picture where you’re wearing something intended to drink beer
- Only one beer in the hand at any time
- Clear away all the empty bottles
- Don’t take pictures of empty beer bottle collections
- I don’t want to see what your friends did after you got that drunk
- Keep your damned clothes on
Runners Up
- Abs — because nothing says “I have no interests” like having a six pack
- Pics of you with other girls hanging all over you. If you were that hot, why you so single, dude?
- Pictures of you mid-chew. Swallow, guy.
What turns you off when browsing dating website photos?
