Sex, like everything else for me, has a lot to do with my mood and how I feel. It’s the same when I order food from a restaurant or choose what to wear or even when to check the mail. I have to feel like it’s a good time. The downside to this is things like choosing when to check the mail have fewer factors and there is much less preventing me from feeling like it’s a good time.

On the other side, being in the mood for sex seems to rely on so many factors. Do I feel physically okay? Perhaps my heard hurts or I have a full stomach because I just ate. Maybe my jaw hurts so oral sex it out of the question. Do I feel sexually appealing? Do I feel clean? Have I recently used the bathroom? Is my partner appealing to me at the moment? Does he seem clean? Do I have enough time? Is there something else I could be doing? Do I even want to put forth the energy?

I know that, in reality, there is no perfect time to have sex. I accept that. Still, I have such a hard time makingthe effort if things aren’t as close to perfect as possible. On another post, someone said “Sometimes you just have to realise that when your hair is sticking up and you’re wearing ‘laundry day underwear’ you can still have the most amazing orgasm!” but that simply is not true for me. These factors always feel so significant to me and, once I think about them, I am no longer in the mood to have sex.

It’s frustrating that we do not have sex as often or spontaneously as I think either of us would like. Time is definitely not on our side either. So why is it that I have such a hard time not being able to accept the reality of things? I’ve always been disappointed by the little letdowns and it seems this is no exception. How do I change it?

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Categories: Everything Else