This is an archived review of a discontinued product.
The Sqweel is not a vibrator; rather, it is a sex toy meant to simulate oral sex to stimulate the clitoris or other parts of the body. It has been touted as “revolutionary”; in fact, the hype around its release was tremendous and it would be hard for any toy to live up to that. Still, the intentionally mysterious website was spread from Twitter to Twitterite like a virus, and I was among the many who submitted my e-mail to find out just what this toy with a whirligig logo is. Of course, I never got the e-mail so the release went unnoticed until I saw reviews of it posted on Twitter. I was thrilled when I asked to review it, and the folks at LoveHoney said “yes.” So here’s the low down, Adriana style.
The Sqweel toy is encased in silky black plastic. This is great for a couple of reasons: it’s protected from lint and other toys and is easy to travel with, should you so desire. The shape is generally clammy and the indentations (which can serve as finger holds a bit) add to that effect. An arrow on either side indicates that squeezing and pulling up the top cover pops it off to expose a series of 10 soft tongues which spin on an axle. This is not unlike a tape dispenser but the action has been compared to chainsaws and Hellraiser, the latter by my husband. I found it to be much less intimidating, maybe good for a first timer if you understand the function.
Even if you do, getting to know the piece can still be intimidating because it’s so unique. Once you pop off the top and locate the button on the bottom, it begins to make more sense, however. Also, the included pamphlet with this toy is actually very helpful and well done. It actually focuses on this one toy, unlike those one-size-fits-all pamphlets that big companies give with every single toy (although it’s not much help if you tend to ignore these books d=). Once comfortable with the Sqweel, it’s easy to use. One slide button goes from “Off” and makes stops at “Lo,” “Medium” and “High.” That’s three speeds if you weren’t keeping up – powered by 3 AAA batteries which are actually included! There is a small battery cover that slides off the bottom where batteries are easily inserted. Hold the toy upside down over whatever area you want to be stimulated, and voila.
Er, sorta. The first thing I noticed is the incredible whine as the tongues rotate. I would almost say it does squeal. It, not me. That’s bad. Of course, as you increase settings, so does the whine. This means it’s not very discreet, and folks might get curious why you have a knife sharpening in your bedroom.. but maybe they won’t ask for fear of retaliation. And even if discretion isn’t your thing, I found myself highly annoyed. Maybe you won’t notice if you’re the type who masturbates to music or moans like crazy during a session and it’ll drive you crazy – in the good way – or maybe it will drive you up the wall like it did me. The particular sound was just too much for me to take at times.
The other big issue around the Sqweel is its learning curve. I feel like I would have to masturbate with only this toy for months before I would get anywhere near orgasm and even then, it’s a long shot. As someone who prefers the quick pay off and pressure, this toy just isn’t going to cut it. That doesn’t mean it’s not interesting or doesn’t feel good – because it does, but it will probably never be more of a warm-up toy for me – but those tongues are just too soft to really mimic oral sex. I would have to agree with Epiphora that the spinning feels more like an attack of silicone tongues and none of the speeds really suit my needs; they all feel quite unlike oral sex. The tongue is a muscle and can apply much more pressure than the Sqweel ever could because, as soon as you press it tighter against the flesh, the spinning stops. The Sqweel has to be held an arm’s length away so the tongues just barely touch the clit. This means you have to make damned sure nothing is on the way so be prepared to hold those lips aside.
One thing that can also severely detract from the Sqweel experience is not using enough or any lube. For some reason, I just forgot, but the feeling of dry tongues against the clit is even more awkward than that of the toy working exactly how its meant. On LoveHoney’s site, there is a video instructing you to squirt lube into your hand and then let the toy spin so the tongues can “lap” it up. It’s a reasonable decent, if not messy technique. The included information says to use water based lube which clued me in that the tongues are at least partially silicone. In fact, I put it through the flame test which resulted in a deformed tip of the tongue. From this, I conclude that the Sqweel’s tongues are, in fact, TPR Silicone. It’s toward the higher end of the spectrum and I certainly don’t mind using it, despite some porosity. I just wish that was explicitly stated somewhere.
I would say be prepared for mess with the Sqweel and be prepared to spend some time cleaning it up. The tongues spread lube everywhere. Lube gets inside the case. The outside of the case gets covered in lube. The case is probably the easiest to clean; just use a damp cloth. There is a front panel that twists and pops off so the tongues can be taken out. Both of those pieces can be washed with soap and water. The instructions also say to wipe inside with a damp cloth. I wouldn’t risk soap and water, like I do with some toys. Unfortunately, the nooks and crannies in the case, and on the font panel and cover are numerous. this seems a little short-sighted to me, but maybe I just don’t like having to clean things with Q-tips. Finally, you’ll want to make sure everything is dry before putting all the pieces of the Sqweel back together. Moistness in en enclosed area does no good.
So my final call on the Sqweel? As Epiphora said, incredibly innovative. Kudos to LoveHoney for bringing this winner of their design a sex toy contest to fruition. Props for the generally sound design and cute presentation. But as a practical oral sex simulator or even a sex toy that will get any sort of orgasmic reaction out of me? I’m not sure this reinvention of the wheel is a winner. It’s so hard for me to come up with constructive criticism because this idea is just so out of the box. Maybe firmer tongues, of differing sizes. Maybe add vibration or allow the tongues some side-to-side movement. Yet, I can’t really guarantee any of these changes would do the trick for me. Maybe the idea itself is more novel than sound. Maybe, I’ll try again in a few months.
Categories: Reviews
