I haven’t gotten off in, like, a week

May 5th, 2014

Am I even alive?

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The way that I masturbate

December 16th, 2013

I was recently reading Epiphora’s review of the Magic Wand, in which she examines the way that Vibratex is re-packaging the old favorite and how she has come to prefer the Hitachi.. at the right time. According to her, “the secret to the Hitachi is knowing when and how to use the Hitachi.” Epiphora’s review includes a list of when to use the Hitachi over other sex toys. The first four items on the list describe my masturbation style. Every. single. time.

  • you’re wearing underwear and don’t want to remove it
  • you’re wearing pants and don’t want to remove those
  • you don’t want to have to clean something
  • you don’t want to fuck around and would please like an orgasm in <2 minutes, thank you

Honestly, it wouldn’t occur to me that people masturbate in another way. I know they do. I’ve read the reviews. I just don’t get it. For me, masturbation is almost utilitarian. I do it to get off, not necessarily to feel good. It’s not that those two things are mutually exclusive but, for me, they’re not mutually inclusive.

I masturbate to get off. The sooner the better. If the orgasm doesn’t come easily, I’m almost frustrated by it. When it does come, I typically keep going to see how many I can get. I stop when I get bored.

Certainly, it might be more fun to reach for a Vixen dildo. But If I’m going to use a toy at all, it’s frequently a clitoral stimulator like Siri or Layaspot. I really have to put a lot of thought into a masturbation session if I’m going to use an insertable. This is why it takes so long for me to get around to reviews.

Now that it’s freezing — haha, no it’s not. It’s -8 — and the very idea of taking off my clothes and climbing into my frigid bed to masturbate? I don’t think so. We’re experiencing an especially cold winter, though. I don’t normally stop masturbating for six months out of the year.

But even when I have the option, I’ll probably opp to rub myself through my panties and pants. I don’t want to have to break out the lube or wash anything after. It’s about pressure not precision. I could certainly use something to apply that pressure — the Revel Body actually works better to get me off when it’s not even on because of this — but I usually don’t.

Perhaps if I kept more toys in the living room, within reach of the couch, I’ll use them more frequently. I can certainly stuff them in my hollow pillows. I could keep the Miracle Massager plugged in and ready to use at any time.

It does seem a little bit like a shame to own all these awesome sex toys and not do anything with them. And perhaps that’s why I’ve been in such a reviewing rut (and why I tend to find myself spending less time on sites like SexToys247 looking at new toys) . I truly don’t need more than one toy that does anything. I’m happy with one internal vibe, one clitoral vibe, one awesome dildo, one super-strong wand, et cetera.

Variety, it seems, is not the spice of my sex life.

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This Week on Tumblr

July 12th, 2013

I spent Thursday through Sunday at a geek convention, so there wasn’t a lot of time to browse Tumblr. In fact, I didn’t hop on Tumblr until 24 hours after I got home. Gasp! However, there were a few gems to be found, starting with this creative image of someone’s favorite friend:

After attending a con that advertised “Costumes are not consent,” I was particularly struck by “16 ways to talk about consent.” Here’s slightly-more-than-half of those ways:

  1. “I like when you…”
  2. “How does this feel?”
  3. “Do you want to…?”
  4. “Show me what you like.”
  5. “Do you want to go further?”
  6. “Do you want to stop?”
  7. “Can I…?”
  8. “Does this feel good?”
  9. “Are you comfortable?”

I was a little confused by this article, in which the author discusses whether masturbation is healthy. The answer is, of course: duh!

I love the image that goes with this discussion on XOJane. Stop by and tell them what your favorite sex toy is.

You can win a Lelo Lyla 2 from Pleasure By Hush.

There’s also a review for the Stronic Zwei over on Bi Likes SciFi.

Finally, if you shell out $165, you’ll get this gorgeous dildo:

Doe

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Jerk.

May 1st, 2013

May is masturbation month. I’ve normally given it an amused nod in the past, but I think I’m going to try to keep up by masturbating every day until my birthday. Wish me luck!

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Naked.com

June 13th, 2012

Naked.com

Naked.com
$24.95/month from Naked.com

Naked is another BangBros property, but it’s a little different from Dancing Bear. The free website is a live cam girl site, where you can log on and find a lady who catches your eyes. Then, you can chat with her and other viewers. The women are usually in lingerie or naked, and they flirt and chat on cam, while you can encourage them to do more or go private if you pay via the tip system. Each cam performer has a set of featured photos that all free members can use. IF you want a one-on-one cam session, you’ll have to pay. It’s pretty standard as far as live sex sites go.

There’ve been several dozen models on every time I’ve checked it out. They’re mostly females; however, the website actually has sections for SheMales, MILFs, BBWs and Latinas. Those are all technically females, so the categories seem a little arbitrary, but it’ll make it easier to find what you’re looking for. The girls category itself is split up into age, content and physical characteristic groups.

The videos all play within your browser, so there’s nothing to download. They all loaded almost instantly for me, which is awesome. However, the quality will vary depending upon the model’s webcam, and they sometimes don’t position them in the best. The same quality issues all affect audio. By default, the videos load in a pretty small area; although, you can click to expand them. Low-quality videos will look better smaller, of course.

You can sign up for the premium Nake membership to download or play HD videos. This uses the same hub as Dancing Bear, so I won’t rehash everything. The premium membership offers actual porn featuring some of the Naked girls, rather than the cam-from-home style. It’s probably the best way to get more from your favorite Naked model. The membership goes for the same $24.95 per month as Dancing Bear.

This cam sex website is more up my alley. It’s a little easier to find something that I personally like, and I prefer watching a woman masturbate or even just hearing her chat to the CFNM style of Dancing Bear. Nake is surprisingly easy to use, and it seems like there’s always someone on the website. There’s even a supportive community feel that the other chatters provide as they communicate and chat with Naked’s models. The categories allow you to navigate pretty easily.

Obviously, registering gives you access to your own username, which some models require before you can participate in chat. Loading your account with tips will allow you to request activities and poses of the models. However, Nake is also a pretty good source of quick and dirty masturbation fodder. Your luck may be more hit or miss if you go the free way, however. There’s sometimes more talk than action but, then again, you can always open your wallet to solve that problem.

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Not There

January 17th, 2010

At first, I don’t hear the key in the door. I am busy, distracted by the vibrations against my flesh and my soft moans. The door opens and when it closes, I hear it. I know it is him (who else could unlock that door) and that he will soon find me. I debate turning off and covering up but decide against it. I continue to thrust the toy in and out of my cunt, already slick with arousal and lube.

The atmosphere changes as he almost enters the room, stopping suddenly in the door way. My face is turned away and I pretend not to know he is there. I imagine his mouth hanging open and he’ll swallow his words to take advantage of the situation. I strain to hear him breathe just as he must be straining to control it, keep it quiet.

I moan for effect and slowly pleasure myself with the vibrator. I extract it leisurely from my pussy, running the tip along my lips and doubling back. I rest it against my clit, gasping at the sensation before sliding it back inside my body, angling against my most sensitive spots. I feel myself swell and back off, not yet wanting to release that flood gate.

Just in time, he distracts me, having moved from the door to the bed. His weight shifts the mattress and a shiver runs down my spine. From my position, on hands and knees, I cannot see him and I dare not look over my shoulder. I trail the vibrator from my clit toward my breasts, slowly circling my nipples. He moves closer and I can feel his breath, hot on my skin but not a word is spoken. We both know he is there, we both refuse to acknowledge it.

I tense, almost started at the touch of his fingers, lightly caressing my lips. I rest the toy on the bed, still on, and move my now free hand between my legs, careful not to touch his. I don’t want to break the spell. I plunge several fingers into my vagina. They are eagerly taken in and coated in my juices. I pull them out slowly, sure they are glistening and spread myself wide, sure he is watching. I retreat my hand from its revealed position, grasp the vibrator once more.

He takes the opportunity and I am surprised by his tongue on my clit, zoning in exactly where he needs to be. His tongue flicks and swirls; his lips surround my erect organ and he sucks it into his mouth. I respond with appreciative moans and he buries his face deeper, moaning as well, releasing soft vibrations against my flesh.

Still, we don’t speak, perpetuating the facade. He backs away and adjusts his position. I take the time to slide the vibrator back into my cunt, pushing it against my G-spot. This time I am ready and the pulsations begin the flow. Quickly removing the toy, I push the flood of ejaculate out in a healthy stream. I can feel a hand brush my thigh as he holds it between my legs but not for long. His mouth replaces his hands, drinking of me and he sucks and licks every last drop from my lips and my thighs, leaving them wet with his saliva.

I am empty, but not finished. Not yet. The vibrator finds it way between my legs once more, pushing at my clit. I rub, pressing feverishly to build myself to orgasm. This time he doesn’t touch, at least not me. There is the sound of a zipper, fabric rustling and I know his cock is in hand. I imagine its shape, its size, texture and taste. I am licking my lips without realizing, the sudden fantasy bringing me closer to the edge. I remember how his hard cock feels against me, inside me and pretend the vibrator is as good. It’s not but I pretend, anyway.

We pretend we are alone, he stroking his cock and me with the vibrator pressed against my sex. We are both hot and I am more than sufficiently wet. The bed moves with our movements but I ignore it. I am masturbating furiously as he breathes raggedly. We are both close. As I feel myself about to peak, he moans behind me. I imagine the look on his face as he does, a contorted mixture of pleasure and effort and am sent over the edge myself. I feel the contractions of my muscles, a quick succession of orgasm that fades not long after it begins. I am not immediately aware of the hot cum that he landed on the back of my thighs but it cools quickly and gravity pulls it down my skin.

I turn off the vibrator, drop it between my legs. We are still silent, except for the sound of our heavy breathing and his pants becoming zipped once more. He climbs off the bed and quietly makes his way toward the door. As my heartbeat slows and breathing quiets, I hear the door open and close, once more the sound of keys jingling in the lock.

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His Hands

October 4th, 2009

Before, they would wander and grasp desperately for any sort of positive reinforcement but I couldn’t offer it. There was no sensitive spots screaming or even whispering “Yes” for me to echo. Now, I crave them more than any other part. If I said I don’t know what happened, I would be lying. What happened is that I have come alive, experiencing sensations like never before. Now, I find myself wanting his hands more than ever. I desire the pressure, stronger than his tongue or cock. The way his fingers can curl this way or that and the variety in their touch.

Their sheer fuckability, the way they compliment the movement of my hips. There is something absolutely taboo about fucking his hand, his fingers. It’s such a purposeful action; there is no mistaking the intent. I love being able to grasp his arm, his wrist, to pull him into me, to keep him inside me. I can control his hand easier than any other part. His hand is like a sex toy created for solely for me.

And so, his hands have become the part of his body I most covet.

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