Fall 2020 Media Recommendations

October 30th, 2020

I’ve skipped right from spring to autumn, and I hope you all won’t mind! It’s been busy for reasons that I really should blog about! With that, I’ll leave you with some media recommendations that will keep you busy!

A content warning: the last several podcast recommendations mention sexual assault and abortion. I’ll mention the content warning again so you can skip to the next section!

Listen

I found the episode of American Sex with Catie Osborn about ADHD and sex to be interesting. It touched on some science and revealed how much more we have to discover. I only wish she had backed up some of her statements with sources.

Sunny and Ken also interviewed Ana Algos about being a BDSM switch,  teaching kink online, safety, and how COVID has made education more accessible to those people who weren’t privileged enough to participate in such things before.

There are several of Sluts, and Scholars episodes that were great listens for me! First up, Andre Shakti discusses wrestling fetishes, learning shame about sexual interests, and non-intimidating ways you can open up to a partner about sex. I also recommend you tune into the episode with Zoe Ligon, owner of Spectrum Boutique, who discusses her book about sex toys, sex education, and providing toys to shoppers during the pandemic.

I couldn’t write a post without mention Tristan Taormino’s podcast Sex Out Loud Radio, either. Tristan invited Dr. Nan Wise on her show to discuss her interest in neuroscience and sex, which is right up my alley and should be up yours, too!

Content warning: sexual assault and abortion mentioned below

I also LOVED Tristan’s talk with Jennifer S. Hirsch and Shamus Khan about their work on campus sexual assault. It’s the sort of research that I find fascinating, and they ask some tough but necessary questions.

I couldn’t believe how unethical and common pregnancy crisis centers are when I listened to Unladylike’s episode on the topic. The facts and firsthand knowledge shared will blow your mind in the worst possible way, but it’s absolutely worth a listen.

Finally, I want to recommend an entire podcast. Beyond Fear: The Sex Crimes Podcast by Alexa Sardina and Alissa Ackerman is full of the science I love and the compassion we need around the topic of sexual assault. I first heard Alissa on Unladylike in an episode about the American prison system but knew I needed to listen to her podcast with Alexa to understand more about sexual assault. Both women are researchers who have worked with perpetrators and survivors of sexual assault and are survivors themselves, and the knowledge they provide in this podcast is astounding. Every episode has been eye-opening; most have been difficult. I also appreciate what a good job they do with content warnings at the top of each episode. If you can handle it, it’s one of the most important podcasts I’ve ever listened to.

Watch

I came upon these two talks separately, so while they both deal with gender, it’s a coincidence.

In her Ted Talk, Karissa Sanbonmatsu discusses the search for a biological basis for gender and, more specifically, how epigenetics impacts gender. as she attempts to answer the question, “What does it mean to be a woman?” Epigenetics and the basis of gender are both fascinating on their own, but it’s genius to consider them together. Science can only take us so far, however, and the compassionate undertones in Karissa’s speech remind the listener that women don’t exist in vacuums. We’re part of society, which also gives meaning to being a woman.

To continue the theme, Emily Quinn starts her Ted Talk with “I have a vagina.” But she examines how we place people into boxes labeled “man” and “woman” and what it means to be intersex. Emily discusses natural human variation and the shortcomings of the sex/gender binary, and the harm it does to people.

Read

I’ve been busy reading other things but was so excited that my library picked up Kate Lister‘s A Curious History of Sex, which was released in February. I’m always impressed when a book surprises me with knowledge, and this one did!  It was funny and quick, and I hope to make time to review it shortly. If I don’t get around to it, I still recommend it!

One of the things about doing a semi-quarterly version of these posts is that I don’t feel the need to pad the posts. I really have a chance to consume some quality media, which doesn’t just make for good recommendations; it also keeps me entertained and informed. I hope these posts do the same for you, and if you think there’s something I ought to recommend or simply enjoy myself, please let me know in the comments!

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Categories: media recommendations

The Vagina Bible: The Vulva and the Vagina — Separating the Myth from the Medicine

June 17th, 2020

The Vagina Bible
$15 from Amazon

Note: this book is currently free to rent if you have Amazon Prime.

Since reading The Vagina Bible, there have been several instances in which I wanted to recommend it to other women who asked had questions or expressed ignorance about how their body works. I’m sure it’s a combination of me spending time in different online communities these days, but I have been consistently reminded how very little that women — and others with vaginas — know about their bodies. We certainly need a resource like The Vagina Bible aims to be.

Let me start by addressing the misnomer, and it’s one that this book’s author, OBGYN Jen Gunter, explains herself. In her disclaimer, Dr. Gunter tackles the common misuse of the word “vagina” to mean vulva and not just the internal organ. The Vagina Bible is about both, but the good doctor uses the word that is commonly used to refer to both when naming the book.

The other thing that I think needs addressing regards to this book is whether it’s cis-normative. Right off the bat, Dr. Gunter discusses the woman patients she’s treated over her 30+ years in the field. If a reader were, for example, a trans man with a vagina, they might think that this book has nothing for them or find the tone exclusionary. It’s unfortunate because The Vagina Bible does have information that applies to trans folks, not just those men who may have a vagina but also trans women who have a vagina. There are sections in the book that apply explicitly to these situations, yet readers don’t know that until the third chapter when Jen first mentions the word “trans.” It strikes me that including mention of this in the introduction would be such an easy fix.

As a resource, The Vagina Bible can be read straight through like I did. You could also simply use the ToC or index to navigate to the section that pertains to the subject in question. In this way, The Vagina Bible is like a reference. However, the reader might miss some information in The Vagina Bible that is quite interesting if they approach the book in this manner. I do suggest at least glancing over the more preliminary information, such as the anatomy lessons. I was pleasantly surprised at how much I learned just a few pages in (eccrine glands and melanin in the vulva), and the lessons continued.

I’ve already mentioned the chapter for our trans friends, and its information was mostly new to me. Dr. Gunter follows this with a section on sexual pleasure and education, which I wish explicitly used the phrase “responsive desire,” and more than once i thought she was a bit reductivist when discussingtopics. For example, she states that FE comes from the bladder and is, therefore, urine but does not discuss the differences in how the body processes the fluids. Similarly, she does not mention that one of the reasons that spermicide is bad is because of how toxic it is to the delicate mucus membranes, a shocking oversight in my opinion. Although The Vagina Bible is not intended to be a book about pregnancy, Dr. Gunter does include some basic information at the end of the first section.

Readers looking for practical advice might skip right to the second section, which focuses on maintenance and issues such as exams, yeast infections, underwear, Kegels and lube. The author tackles wipes and their potential to cause irritation in a chapter in the third section, which also includes information on cleansing, grooming, and moisturizing. Jen relies not just on her experience as a doctor but also as a woman, especially in this section.

She continues to bash myths as she moves on to discuss the menstrual cycle, products, and the risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome before moving on to a section on menopause that I no doubt might find more useful in a few years but that does paint The Vagina Bible as a useful resource for people with vaginas no matter their age.

I found the information about biofilms and how they interact with IUDs interesting as a person who has had three of them now. The facts that Dr. Gunter presents in the chapter on contraception exemplify just how easy it is to miss out on information related to sex or be actively misinformed. After discussing how various medicines and chemicals affect the vaginal ecosystem, Jen moves on to cosmetic procedures. It is here where she outright dismisses the possibilities of the “O” Shot in just a few paragraphs, and I’ve seen criticisms of the author/book from other medical professionals in response to this.

I think that this highlights one of my main issues with The Vagina Bible. While Dr. Gunter has decades of experience as a doctor and even more as a woman, she’s more than a bit dismissive about some topics. The tone she uses can be offputting, and this is coming from a sex-positive feminist who generally agrees with her position on many things. I would never say that there is any place where feminism doesn’t belong, but I can imagine that there are some people who would better receive this book and its much-needed content if Dr. Gunter would soften her tone occasionally and allow room for new research and ambiguity rather than doubling down on her opinions, which are not always lenient when it comes to men.

With a few caveats, I would still recommend The Vagina Bible as a resource until someone else puts together a book that’s even more comprehensive and updated. This is especially true regarding the conditions and symptoms sections, which provide information that can help people advocate for themselves medically. This can be so difficult, and even more so when things aren’t working quite right.

For anyone who is wary about the tone used in this book, I might suggest looking up topics only as needed, which brings me to my final point.

Rest assured that while the information in The Vagina Bible might seem encyclopedia, it’s not nearly as big of a tome as it appears. The font is huge! It really makes this book bigger than it has to be at 400-some pages.

 

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Categories: Books, Reviews

The Best and Worst of 2019

December 30th, 2019

In previous years my best — and worst of — lists included multiple sex toys. In 2019, I reviewed mostly books and not that many of them. So you’ll find a handful of them on this list along with only one sex toy!

Turned On Science, Sex and Robots

Sex meets tech in this entertaining and informative book by Kate Devlin

The first book I’ll recommend is Revolting Prostitutes, which examines the different legal frameworks and how those affect sex workers. It also explains how sex workers’ rights are ultimately women’s rights. If you want to learn more about how legalizing or decriminalizing sex work plays out, this is the book for you!

While I wasn’t intending to review Screwed, it wound up being a fast read that I enjoyed as well as a compelling argument that looked into the ways that society fails women when it comes to sex.

I thought I knew a lot about the menstrual cycle, but Heavy Flow explained some things that weren’t quite clear and helped paint a picture of menstruation as part of the larger picture and a person’s life and not just compartmentalized, relegated to exist only for 4-7 days out of the month.

If you want to know the state of sex robots and contemplate what this means for you, then I cannot recommend Turned On enough. It’s witty and wise and truly enjoyable to read.

I only reviewed a few sex toys this year, and only one is worth recommending. The revamped Laya II is stronger than the first Laya II and allowed me to enjoy Fun Factory’s Laya line once more.

On the other hand, Vibease and its terrible audio erotica failed to please. And months later, I am still struggling to get Coochy Plus shaving cream out of the broken pump bottle it came in.

Interestingly, while I had a somewhat favorable opinion of Mimi Soft when I reviewed it at the beginning of the year, I actually forgot I even tried it. Oops!

 

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Categories: Reviews

Good Sexual Citizenship

October 25th, 2019

Good Sexual Citizenship: How to Create a (Sexually) Safer World
$17.95 from Amazon

Although I do not generally list the chapters in every book review that I write, I think it’s important to so to explain how Good Sexual Citizenship strives to create a “sexually safer world.”

  1. The Bases for Our Biases
  2. Standing Up for Sex
  3. Consent – (I Promise) It’s Not That Complicated
  4. Little Kids, Big Questions
  5. The Teen Sex Situation
  6. Getting to Good Sexual Citizenship

Whu do I list these? Because I consistently struggled to understand the overall structure that the author, Ellen Friedrichs, was aiming for. I am not sure if it’s the examples the author uses to introduce each chapter that makes them feel so disjointed rather than work in congress, but it’s so distracting. I don’t want to be stuck on the author’s organizational choices over her words, especially when I agree with what she has to say.

This begins with the first chapter, which delves into sexism. Honestly? I understand why discussing sex (and gender) and sexism is a sensical place to start when it comes to discussing the issue of a safer sexual world, but others may not. Some people may be on the word but haven’t fully formed their thoughts on the subject. It seems a bit presumptuous to me that the reader should have to already know this. At the very least, it could be overwhelming to the reader. There is room to make the argument and it may be necessary to do so that we cannot start a book without first examining gender. Perhaps the author things the entire first chapter accomplishes this, but it would not hurt for the point to be more explicitly, either in the introduction or at the start of the chapter itself.

As Friedrich moves into a history of sex culture and education (and the lack thereof), she paints the bigger picture of how we got to where we are. including casual sex and hookup culture, and what’s wrong with that if you want to build a sex-positive society. I suspect this is where many people would expect the book to begin. From there, it makes more sense to move onto the topic of consent, which includes discussion of how it plays out in college hookups and established relationships as well as how we define sexual assault, in the next chapter. Framing consent as a simple but essential solution to sexual assault is so important. The questions Ellen asks readers to consider about consent at the end of the chapter are especially poignant.

But the segue to teaching children about sex is almost nonexistent. It would be so easy to explain that if we teach children about sexuality and consent from a young age, providing them with age-appropriate information so that we can impress upon them the importance of consent. The chapter that follows, on teenaged sexuality, is the clearest transition in the book.

Her final chapter does reiterate why we are where we are as a society and ties together how all the misinformation or simply lack of education has contributed to that in a way that makes the preceding chapters make more sense. I just wish there was more of a common thread throughout the pages.

With that said, each chapter in this book relies on research, which is referenced throughout the book and listed in the notes, to make points that I do often agree with. And as readers move through those chapters, there are asides that help to challenge the unhealthy, harmful, and sex-negative messages we may have absorbed from living in a society that has created such a dangerous culture around sex. Each chapter also ends with a worksheet containing questions to gauge the reader’s knowledge, opinion, and comfort with the topics discussed in the chapter that encourage the reader to consider the topics on a personal level and rethink the ways they navigate sexuality.

As Ellen Friedrich makes her points and educates the reader to dispels myths, she makes sure to include LGBTQ+ members and to point out how sexism and these ideas about sex hurt men as well. However, she’s careful to point out how these limited narratives depict sex and gender at the same and a binary and how sexism against women has allowed the current sexual culture to proliferate.

The author also takes the time to point out the actions people can actually take not just to change their own minds but to impact sexuality in society from their interactions with other people on a daily basis to how they vote. Good Sexual Citizenship doesn’t just describe a problem without offering solutions. It didn’t leave me feeling hopeless as it very well could have. At points, the advice might have been a little superficial, but the reader is given enough information that they can seek out other resources, which they will have to do on their own because aside from references used, Friedrich doesn’t list any resources that her readers may want to read in addition to her book.

One thing that I found was interesting was that Friedrichs initially uses a couple of footnotes to define terminology with which the reader may not be familiar. I mean literally two in the introduction, and then she never does this again in the book. It’s confusing. But there were also places where I thought that those definitions would be incredibly useful to a reader who has maybe never heard a term before or isn’t quite sure what it means. “Slut-shaming” is a good example; yet, the author quickly seemed to forget about using definitions or decided that the only two terms that would benefit from them were in the beginning of the book.

Although there are many points with which I agree in Good Sexual Citizenship, and I’d like to see them made more often and vocally, I still felt that the book lacked an overall narrative to help the reader progress from one chapter or point to the next. Although I could draw some conclusions because the content was familiar to me, this might not be the case for others. The reader shouldn’t have to make assumptions or have a ton of prior knowledge to understand the overall argument made by a book. That’s the point of the book.

I wonder if the imperfection of Good Sexual Citizenship would leave others frustrated or cause them to set it aside, perhaps before they even pick it up, rather than just leaving them confused like I was. However, I still recommend this book, perhaps just as a starting point. And it’s not only that there are some weak points in Good Sexual Citizenships, it’s just that no one book or source can provide all the information we need to truly become good sexual citizens. As long as the reader understands this and that the onus is on each of us to create a sexually healthy world after reading the last page, I think this book will ultimately be helpful.

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Categories: Books, Reviews

Media Recommendations September 2019

September 28th, 2019

Whether you like to listen, read, or watch content that discusses sexuality in humans (and occasionally other creatures), you’ve come to the right place! I gave myself an extra day to write this, which meant I could add three stellar podcast episodes to my media recommendations. I realized that September is almost over I recently learned as I typed “August” into the title field, checked my calendar, and remembered I was off by a whole month. Welp!

Listen

NPR’s Hidden Brain tackles the intersection of sex and tech that will eventually usher in sex robots and has given hookup culture a facelift via apps such as Tinder and how that affects intimacy. If you don’t want to listen, you can read the accompanying article.

In his podcast, Dr. Lehmiller interviews author and psychologist Dr. Ari Tuckman who recently wrote the book about ADHD and relationships, including how it can affect sexual relationships.

I started listened to Peepshow Podcast last month. As I was scrolling for episodes that seemed particularly interesting, this one featuring Nicoletta and Simone from Sluts and Scholars, which I have previously recommended. The pair discuss starting their podcast and balancing their day jobs with communicating about sex in a world where that’s still a boundary-breaking thing to do despite the fact that’s the very stigma they’ve set about to break. Simone also talks about becoming an abortion doula

The first of two Slate podcasts I’ll recommend this month is is their queer podcast Outward, which recently tackled the issue of what makes us gay after the recently-released study about how much our genetics influence sexual orientation. This episode really got me thinking about what it means to be gay, including the importance of community. It made me think about my own sexuality and my struggle to be part of a community.

Finally, Slate’s feminist podcast The Waves discussed a chapter of journalist and podcaster Malcolm Gladwell’s recently-published book, How to Talk to Strangers. It was a book I thought would be interesting but now am not so sure about. The chapter looks at sexual assault and drinking in the great context of knowing whether a person is being duplicitous, but Gladwell’s privilege shines through when he makes the case that no one can ever know the truth. The hosts of The Waves point out how weak this argument, which shames victims, truly is.

Read

I haven’t managed to get very far in Screwed: How Women Are Set Up to Fail at Sex, but I’ve enjoyed almost every word that I’ve read thus far. Lili Boisvert challenges gender roles, sexual scripts, slut-shaming, and more in on cohesive argument about how society has done women dirty when it comes to sex.

Watch

In this short snippet from the BBC, a gentleman discusses the abuse he receives because of his HIV+ status.

I somehow managed to miss this older TED talk, which delves into why humans are among the few species that menstruate.

I was thoroughly impressed with the Sex Ed School series by Shaftesbury Kids. The eight episodes in the first season follow Eva and Nadine as they provide real, age-appropriate, and fact-based sex ed to kids on topics such as anatomy, consent, orientation, and more. They even use dolls and toys to teach students in a way that would neeevvver be allowed in any but the most progressive schools, American or otherwise. It makes me a bit sad for the state of sex ed, but this is really how it could look.

Hopefully, I’ll have a chance to read a bit more next month, but I think this post really covers it.

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Categories: media recommendations

June 2019 Media Recommendations

July 1st, 2019

June flew right past in a flurry of red tape, phone calls, and health concerns, so this post is later than it typically would be. However, this gave me a chance to binge a few podcasts and watch a few episodes so I can recommend more to my readers!

Listen

I was enthralled with the very first episode of Unladylike that I listened to once I came across it.  Cristen and Caroline, who formerly hosted Stuff Mom Never Told You, have been working on their podcast that tackles a variety of issues from a feminist POV since early last year. They’re all about smashing the patriarchy and encouraging women to do whatever the hell they want. It’s not a podcast I’d listen to every episode of, but I haven’t regretted any I’ve listened to. Of note are episodes titled How to Get a Rape Kit and How to Find a Lesbian Bar.

Note that none of these episodes are “how-tos.’ The naming mechanic is annoying.

The episode of Sex Out Loud with Yin Q introduced me to Mercy Mistress on Youtube but also her other projects including Red Canary, a sex worker organization that focuses on Chinese migrants who work at massage parlors. Yin Q describes to Tristan how selling sex work under the guise of licensed massage is actually a felony and describes the danger of being detained by ICE.

Just recently, Sluts and Scholars was removed from iTunes podcast list, and Shameless Sex had their IG account removed. I made a point to listen to both.

S&S had two great episodes with Amber Heard, with whom I was only really familiar because of her marriage to Johnny Depp. I loved learning more about her. Amber seems to be a strong, feminist who is very aware of her privilege.

I tuned in to the bonus Shameless Sex episode title Sex For Curvy Folks With Laura Delarato because I only had a little time. Laura discusses body positivity and practical sex advice for anyone who is curvy or having sex with a curvy partner.

Honestly, I listened to most of these tonight because I’ve been obsessively listening to Hello From the Magic Tavern for the last three weeks or so. It’s a nerdy, improv podcast that has successfully distracted me from the current stress of my life.

Watch

The Cut presents Sex Probz, a web series featuring sex educators Dirty Lola and Francisco who help people improve their sex lives. If you ever wanted to see someone’s sex life get a makeover, here you go! The pair provide simple solutions to issues such as long-distance relationships, having sex with a disability, exploring kink, and reclaiming your sexuality after having kids. Although the episodes are too short to go super in-depth, viewers can implement these practical changes in their own lives.

Samantha Bee’s Sex Ed for Senators is a hilarious, cutting, and enraging look at the misconceptions some politicians have about pregnancy and abortion. It’s probably old news for many of my readers but still entertaining.

I discovered Mercy Mistress when creator Yin Q was on Sex Out Loud. It’s a sexy series on YouTube. Each episode is short (under 4 minutes) and steamy without sacrificing reality (a huge criticism of Bonding on Netflix) as it takes a look at various aspects of a professional Domme. The music and visuals are both so well done. I love seeing kinky POC getting screen time! There are also bonus videos that introduce viewers to the different tools used.

Read

I focused on reading things unrelated to sex during the month of June, namely A People’s History of the United States and Grunt: The Curious Science of Humans at War, both of which I recommend. I also read a few comics/graphic novels. After thoroughly enjoying Good Omens on Amazon, I picked up the graphic novel adaptation of American Gods.

I also enjoyed the first two volumes of Man-Eater, a story about how cis girls who reach the age of menstruation become werecats that eat people. It highlights the mistrust and mistreatment of women in society. However, right around the time I discovered this series, author Chelsea Cain backed herself into a corner in response to critique that the comic ignores trans people. She’s since deleted her Twitter account and the future of Man-Eaters is unknown. I think the premise is interesting but agree that the comic is limited because Cain’s white feminism isn’t inclusive or intersectional. The experimental format also leaves each book feeling a little light. Perhaps we’ll see some less problematic feminist comics in the future.

I’m still reading A People’s History, so sex may take a backseat, but I welcome any of your suggestions.

What media did you consume related to sex last month?

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Categories: media recommendations

May 2019 Media Recommendations

May 28th, 2019

I’ve got lots of suggestions this month, so I’ll jump right into them.

Listen

Several podcasts touched on abortion in recent episodes. This includes Science Vs, which took a different stance with their episode called The Abortion Underground, in which host Wendy interviews women who required abortions when they were illegal and absolutely terrifying as well as women who provided abortion services. I wasn’t very familiar with how this worked, and this episode was eye-opening and timely.

Sunny Megatron also tackles the topic with a focus on how criminalizing abortion disproportionately affects marginalized groups such as people of color and those who are impoverished on American Sex.

A previous episode of Science Vs looks into the fertility cliff, whether it’s real, and why so many people

Outward hosts talked about sex ed this month. They discuss how many LGBTQ+ issues should be included in sex ed (and whether sex ed should just take that slant to begin with because straight people have so much to learn), how porn fails as sex ed, and why everyone should use lube.

My final recommendation is another Slate podcast: The Waves. Introducing Hi-Phi Nation: For Women Only is a brief history of trans women as feminist activists, the TERFs who exclude them, and how events in the 70s affect us all today.

Lovehoney also has a new podcast that you can give a listen.

Read

I’ve got to catch up on my reviews, including two book reviews. In Turned On: Science, Sex and Robots, Kate Devlin really breaks down the state of sex robots, who uses them, and the implications for human and does it all with a side of British humor. One of my favorite books all year!

Watch

I wasn’t previously familiar with Philosophy Tube before this video about sex work came across my screen. It seems like a lot of the topics covered were also addressed in the book Revolting Prostitutes (yes, a review is still coming!) including decriminalizing, marginalized people, and various models the world over, among others. I haven’t watched every second of the video, but it seems like a good intro if you can’t dedicate yourself to an entire book and especially if you listen to it on double time.

Terri Conley discusses myths about sex and specifically casual sex in her TEDx talk at U of M. She draws from her research that flips much of what we believe about sex and a person based on their sexual preferences and activities on its head.

Let me know what you thought of anything on this list or if you have suggestions for me!

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Categories: media recommendations

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