May 2019 Media Recommendations

May 28th, 2019

I’ve got lots of suggestions this month, so I’ll jump right into them.

Listen

Several podcasts touched on abortion in recent episodes. This includes Science Vs, which took a different stance with their episode called The Abortion Underground, in which host Wendy interviews women who required abortions when they were illegal and absolutely terrifying as well as women who provided abortion services. I wasn’t very familiar with how this worked, and this episode was eye-opening and timely.

Sunny Megatron also tackles the topic with a focus on how criminalizing abortion disproportionately affects marginalized groups such as people of color and those who are impoverished on American Sex.

A previous episode of Science Vs looks into the fertility cliff, whether it’s real, and why so many people

Outward hosts talked about sex ed this month. They discuss how many LGBTQ+ issues should be included in sex ed (and whether sex ed should just take that slant to begin with because straight people have so much to learn), how porn fails as sex ed, and why everyone should use lube.

My final recommendation is another Slate podcast: The Waves. Introducing Hi-Phi Nation: For Women Only is a brief history of trans women as feminist activists, the TERFs who exclude them, and how events in the 70s affect us all today.

Lovehoney also has a new podcast that you can give a listen.

Read

I’ve got to catch up on my reviews, including two book reviews. In Turned On: Science, Sex and Robots, Kate Devlin really breaks down the state of sex robots, who uses them, and the implications for human and does it all with a side of British humor. One of my favorite books all year!

Watch

I wasn’t previously familiar with Philosophy Tube before this video about sex work came across my screen. It seems like a lot of the topics covered were also addressed in the book Revolting Prostitutes (yes, a review is still coming!) including decriminalizing, marginalized people, and various models the world over, among others. I haven’t watched every second of the video, but it seems like a good intro if you can’t dedicate yourself to an entire book and especially if you listen to it on double time.

Terri Conley discusses myths about sex and specifically casual sex in her TEDx talk at U of M. She draws from her research that flips much of what we believe about sex and a person based on their sexual preferences and activities on its head.

Let me know what you thought of anything on this list or if you have suggestions for me!

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Categories: media recommendations

March 2019 Media Recommendations

March 29th, 2019

Just when I thought things were finally returning to normal, they.. have not. This month threw me for a loop with my main client taking some time off and some unexpected chest pains. My kitty also has lost more weight than I anticipated since his health issues, and our most recent vet visit was frustrating. The good news? The pain is just a muscle strain… probably from masturbating. I’ve been able to pick up enough work to cover me, too; although, the different payment schedules has thrown me for a loop. And my cat is eating quite well and I think gaining some weight, slowly but surely.

While I am looking forward to April, I enjoyed some quality media in March. The prevailing theme seems to be sex work. I am still reading Revolting Prostitutes, which I hope to finish up soon, and I’ve stumbled across a few more pieces that I found interesting.

Listen

A recent episode of The Science of Sex introduced listeners to Christina Parreira, a graduate student who worked at a brothel to gain information about sex work in America. Looking at the business elements, the characteristics of sex workers, and how safety play into sex work in brothels is super interesting.

Tristan interviews Lora Haddock and Sarah Brown, the women behind Lora Dicarlo, the company that was the CES 2019 Innovation Awards Honoree in the Robotics category only to have the award revoked and be banned from the show in a recent episode of Sex Out Loud Radio. You’ve probably heard about this, and the interview allows the creators to discuss why, yes, their upcoming product actually is a robot and different from traditional vibrators, and why CES was in the wrong but got away with it because the victims were women (and female sexuality).

Sex Out Loud Radio, American Sex, and a few other podcasts are now part of the Pleasure Podcasts collective. I decided to check it out, and it introduced me to Sluts & Scholars podcast. I’ve only listened to a few episodes, but I’ll probably tune in for more. The episode featuring Shira Myrow focuses on emotional intelligence, attachment, and mindfulness while I also enjoyed their discussion with suprihmbé about sex work, people of color, and more. It’s always a good thing to check my white privilege.

Watch

Dr. Doe spent some time in a brothel for a recent episode of Sexplanations. She didn’t spend nearly as much time with the sex workers as Parreira did, so it’s not quite in depth, but it adds a visual to the information that can be helpful.

Journalist Sarah Barmak discusses female sexuality in this Ted Talk. It’s not quite as science-based as some talks, but her points about the orgasm gap, ignorance about anatomy, arousal models, and other often ignored or unknown factors of female sexuality. There’s not much that I considered new or contentious, but the comments show that this information is still controversial and outside the mainstream for many people. I love that she acknowledges asexuals in a way, too.

I’ll hopefully have a few reading recommendations next month after I finish my current book. I honestly need to catch up on what’s been published over the last 6 or so months, so I’ll take any recommendations in the comments! Of course, let me know about any media related to sexuality that’s worth a gander. Thanks!

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Categories: media recommendations

In Defense of Legalized Sex Work

December 10th, 2014

Amid all the terrible news lately, a slew of articles about several sex workers — and their clients — who were recently arrested popped up. These articles don’t impact me the way they should. Perhaps it’s the way the media portrays sex workers or simply the frustration I feel for a system that works against people who might legitimately want to earn a living in this method. If I’m being honest, I could think of far worse ways to make money than through prostitution, and I think I would prefer it to, say, starring in porn.

It’s not that I don’t sympathize with sex workers. I’ve thought their line of work should be legalized for years. And after reading the piece titled “Lost Boys” in Best Sex Writing 2013, I’ve thought about sex work more often and in a new light than before. That story certainly impacted me, and it’s stayed with me as I’ve read accounts about homeless teens who’ve been rejected by their families for coming out as gay as transgendered. Sex work is often the only logical reaction for these people; although, being forced by their circumstances can lead to some pretty dangerous situations. Still, it’s not always dire.

One thing that this story impressed upon me is how many people see sex work as a way to pay the bills or earn some extra money for the things that they want. It’s something that we all do and something that’s fairly encouraged in a capitalistic society. However, controlling a woman’s sexuality seems to trump capitalism in this case. If a woman’s body is her own, if she is to retain autonomy over it, then laws outright outlawing sex work are at odds with that right. Those laws enable people to literally police a woman’s sexuality. They take away the choice in the name of providing choice to people who may be unable to escape sex work. And while women are certainly not the only sex workers, people who want to make and keep it illegal focus on woman. Laws against sex workers are just another aspect in the war against women.

[In a related note, the UK’s decision to essentially outlaw female orgasms, ejaculation and pleasure in pornography is another unacceptable example of controlling women’s sexuality. It angers me to no end!]

I’m not saying that people who have been forced or coerced into sex work shouldn’t have a way out if they choose it, but I think there is room in society for both legal and safe sex work. If a woman wants to be an escort who provides sex in exchange for a fee, why should we, as a society stop her? Some people might argue that the demand for sex work exists solely because of the objectification of women in a misogynistic society. This may be a contributing factor, but men can also be sex workers. Indeed, there are likely more male escorts than people realize. And a woman can enjoy sex and authority over her own body without succumbing to the patriarchy.

Furthermore, legalization paves the way for both taxation and regulation, which, if done correctly, could both become a source of revenue and offer protection to sex workers. Options such as healthcare and routine testing that may not be available to some sex workers could become available to those people if prostitution and escorting became legal.

Those same protections could extend to sexual and physical abuse, which sex workers experience far too often. Rather than hiding their work for fear of being arrested or even raped by police, these men and women would be able to seek legal and judicial protection from the people, typically men, who pray on sex workers. When a sex worker has no one to turn to, that violence continues because perpetrators know they won’t be caught or have to pay a price. However, legalization would protect those who want to be in this line of work while highlighting those who are victims of sex trafficking, and this is a distinction that must be made.

Legalizing sex work would open a lot of doors, from opening communications and networking between sex workers themselves (trading safety tips, rating clients, et cetera) and their clients via websites like Escorts and Babes (without fear that those websites would be targeted by law enforcement). Aside from safety, sex workers would likely see improvements in health due to a decrease in STIs. Transmission often occurs as a result of violence (rape) without a condom, and editors of one medical journal have explicitly stated that legalization of sex work is the only option to protect sex workers from sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV. And studies show this is truth. Just consider Rhode Island, where prostitution was technically legal for about two decades. During this time, transmission of some STIs and reported rapes both dropped.

If this could happen in the 1990s, then surely sex work could be legalized in 2014 and beyond with consequences that are both sex positive and positive for society.

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Categories: Articles

Best Sex Writing 2013

October 19th, 2014

Best Sex Writing 2013
$13.83 from Amazon

I’ve been a fan of the Best Sex Writing series for years, The most recent edition is Best Sex Writing 2013 because it doesn’t come out every year. This one  was edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel with a foreword by Carol Queen, two names you’re probably familiar with if you follow sex education or erotica — or even if you’re just a fan of other Cleis Press publications.

This edition offers 20 different stories about the “state of sexual culture.” Each of the pieces is supposed to represent the sex writing about sex, but the authors, themes, subjects and approaches are all different. Some of the authors are those with whom you may already be familiar, including Carol Queen herself, but some of the authors aren’t really from the sex realm, which I find adds variety.

Of the twenty stores, two or three really stood out for me.

“Very Legal: Sex and Love in Retirement” introduces us to the dynamics of relationships and sex in a retirement community. The writer, Alex Morris, does a good job treating these people like people, which is sometimes difficult with a generation that the world would otherwise like to leave behind closed doors — let alone discuss their relationships.

“Rest Stop Confidential” was an interesting look at the culture of anonymous gay sex in bathrooms and one of the personal accounts that I found more interesting.

Lori Selke’s “Dear John” is literally a breakup letter to the leather community that has transformed and is no longer welcoming to her. I can imagine Lori might be stepping on some people’s toes, but I think it’s a very interesting glance into the workings of the alt community as a whole.

However, my absolute favorite must be “Lost Boys.” This lengthy piece toward the end of the book talks about issues with homelessness, sex work and abuse on the streets of large cities such as NYC. The writer, Kristen Hinman, takes a look into a groundbreaking study by Curtis in Dank, Not only did this research shatter the illusion of who was a child sex worker — teenaged girls — but it also painted a picture about how many underage sex workers were actually walking the streets. The importance of this, I learned through reading, has a lot to do with the organizations that are leaching money out of the government and taxpayers for programs to help this population, a population that is realistically little like the story we’re told that pulls at our heartstrings. You should really read the piece in this book or the published study because there’s a lot of interesting information to be had there, and it’s stunning that this survey hasn’t had a greater impact.

Overall, the submissions to last year’s Best Sex Writing anthology tended to be more personal or anecdotal in nature. This doesn’t make them less interesting to read, but for me, they’re less memorable. Pieces that are more scientific or studious in nature tend to resonate better with me, The notable exception is Carol Queens’ “Ghosts: All my Men Are Dead.” In this sad tale, the sex educator talks about how the men she met as a queer person who moved to California have passed away, almost all from HIV/AIDS. It’s a somber story but also an interesting look into sex education and rights movements, which initially had little room for a woman.

You might prefer the personal stories in Best Sex Writing 2013 more than I did as a whole. Either way, I am certainly not going to stop checking out these books. There’s certainly going to be variation depending upon what authors and researchers do over the past year or so, and I will always be interested in picking up the next Best Sex Writing book.

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Categories: Books, Reviews

And the law.. wins..?

August 16th, 2014

Last year, my city began cracking down on prostitution, child porn and other “related” offenses. In the mainstream media, these sort of things get lumped together. As a person who is capable of critical thinking, I have to wonder if this should be the case.

This focus on sex crimes meant a change of some laws, including newly-proposed fines for people caught providing sex for money or soliciting sex workers.  Public humiliation in the form of releasing names and photos has also been named as one of the police department’s strategies to fix sex “crimes.”

Intellectually, I understand why the police want to shame people into obeying laws, but I just cannot put my full support behind illegalization of sex work. And I don’t think a person’s name or reputation needs be thrown under the bus for soliciting a sex worker when there are far more serious crimes — crimes that actually hurt people — to be investigating and trying.

In a recent newspaper article, the author discussed a man recently arrested. He had been a school teacher. Before his name had even been made public, he resigned. His career was over, of course. But I can’t help but feel like this is an extreme that a person shouldn’t have to take. After all, he will be fined without having to serve any jail time. Either it’s serious enough for jail time or it’s not — and their names don’t need to be made public.

Perhaps I come at this from a personal point of view. When this effort began last year, the police conducted an online sting. They posed as sex workers and even children/teenagers online to lure people out. Several people did proposition minors and went to meet with them. I have nothing wrong with this sort of sting. One of the men who simply arranged to meet an of-age sex worker. Upon arriving, he was instead met by the police who ushered him to the police station where he stayed overnight because it was a late Friday.

This man was a good friend’s ex/on-again off-again/it’s complicated friends with benefits. Today, he’s been dead for almost a year. He took his life because no only did the police release his name, but a bang-up job by the local media splashed his name among those who solicited a minor for sex. This was not the case, but reports weren’t amended until after his passing.

Despite the fact that the media and police are immediately releasing names without fact checking, this is obviously still enough of  a problem that the police are performing major stings almost a year later. Humiliation isn’t a deterrent for people, even if they are otherwise upstanding citizens. According to the police, the type of people who are soliciting sex workers are from all walks of life. These are people who are willing to pay for sex. Nothing more or less.

As a woman, I can think of many worse ways to pay bills. I would rather live in a place where my rights as a human being are protected if I am a sex worker, rather than my name slandered and rights ignored simply because of my line of work. But I don’t live in a place like that because the world is still so far from that. =/

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Categories: Everything Else

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