My Mini-Miracle Massager Pleasure Kit

October 12th, 2011

My Mini-Miracle Massager Pleasure Kit

My Mini-Miracle Massager Pleasure Kit
from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

Sometimes, toys make it to the shelf with such a design flaw that I really have to wonder, “What were they thinking?” Such is the case with the My Mini-Miracle Massager Pleasure Kit. I was perplexed as soon as I opened the box but, you see, the description is kind of misleading. According to the website, “This complete kit contains 2 soft pliable attachments with the world famous Mini Miracle Massager.” So you would expect to receive a Mini Miracle Massager with some attachments and that, that I can live with. I would expect not to love every attachment but have a functional massager, nevertheless.

Wrong.

The problem is that it’s not a Mini Miracle Massager with some attachments (although, that already exists). It’s a model based on the Mini Miracle Massager, but there’s a permanent fixture on the head onto which you place attachments. The attachments are not part of a cup that goes over the head; rather, they both have a little hole that slides onto an awkwardly placed knob on the side of the wand. Perhaps it wouldn’t seem so awkward if you only used the pleasure kit for vaginal/internal stimulation because then you can aim the extension up and hold the handle perpendicular to your body. Unfortunately, I think of this type of toy as clitoral by default –and the tongue-shaped attachment certainly supports my conclusion — so I don’t want to do that.

Mini Miracle Massager Probe AttachmentI tried anyway. I put the little nubby attachment on first after giving it a good scrubbing. From the side, it looks like a character with a cartoonishly large nose. While the TPE attachments may be Phthalate-free, they freaking stink. I mean, pew! As suspected, the placement was awkward, and the shape was less than ideal for clitoral stimulation. I didn’t get off.

I had even less success with the tongue shape. I couldn’t figure out what I was supposed to do with it. The most comfortable way to hold it implies internal stimulation, but I don’t like tongue-shapes inside of me. To align the tongue with my clit, I’d either have to point the end of the handle between my knees or down toward my abdomen, so that was a no-go either.

My Mini Miracle MassagerI’d like to say the massager itself was redeemed, but it’s not because you can’t use it by itself. There’s a sticky-offy knobby thing that not only gets in the way but feels pretty unhygienic, too. The knob itself is unfinished, so water can get into it. The same is true for the extensions. You have a little less room to get in there and dry things off when you clean it, which I don’t like.

California Exotics has kept the same springy head and easy to use controls as the regular Miracle Massager, which I still love. There’s two speeds and an off. Unfortunately, this toy is pretty loud and not discreet at all. The vibrations are quite strong but not as deep as the Miracle Massager.

I’m not a fan of the detachable cord because it’s easy to mix it up with something else. If I can remove a cord, the toy should be rechargeable, which this isn’t. I don’t understand the point. This one is pretty long — upwards of three feet — but the adapter itself is overly large, clunky and annoying.

Annoying just about sums up the My Mini-Miracle Massager Pleasure Kit. Just buy your Mini Miracle Massager and attachments separately.

CEN Sexpert

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Vanity by Jopen #5

May 11th, 2011

Vanity by Jopen #5

Vanity by Jopen #5
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued item

Because I’ve already reviewed the Vr 6, I don’t want to rehash all the details. These two vibrators are quite similar, and you can read all the details here. The most important difference between the #5 and #6 vibrators in this line is the shape. #5 has a shorter clitoral arm (only .75″) that balloons out slightly and doesn’t angle toward the body like the arm on #6. In addition to this, the shaft bulges slightly, narrows, and bulges again. At the narrow point, there is a bit of flexibility, so you can angle just the head. The clitoral arm is also much more flexible than the arm on #6. The shaft retains about the same amount of length as #6 (4.25″), although #5 isn’t nearly as wide at any point. The widest point is a circumference of 1.25″ so it falls toward the smaller end of the spectrum. The head is slightly bulbous and more angular, for more precise G-spot stimulation instead of the broad pressure that #6 provides.

However, Vr5 is also a rechargeable rabbit vibrator, made of velvety fuchsia silicone. There are two motors that are controlled by separate buttons. California Exotics has used this button style before and I’ll remind you what I think about the way they function:

One push turns them on. Push and hold to increase intensity and push and release to turn it off. It’s similar to the Couture Collection wand I have. I can’t fault them because it works but I can say it kind of feels like they’re reinventing the wheel and that if you frequently use other toys that require you to push to get to the next setting, you may find yourself turning off the Jopen vibrators and this can be frustrating. Really, I like the style of the controls but I probably won’t be able to get used to them unless the entire sex toy industry adopts them.

Another difference is the location of the motors. In the Vr5, these vibrations are centered in the tip and mid-body, instead of directly in the clitoral stimulator. Thus, you get more internal stimulation with residual vibrations against the clitoris–if the clitoral arm even reaches yours. Unfortunately for me, that’s not really an option with the Vr5. Nevertheless, both vibrators I’ve had a chance to try have impressively strong and deep vibrations.

The claim is that this entire line is waterproof even though there’s no cover over the charging port, and it seems to remain open all the time. However, I’ve not had any issues with this and other reviewers have even submerged their Vanity by Jopen vibrators while turned on with no ill effects. Cleaning is a breeze, with soap and water; although the material does collect lint. You can minimize it by storing this in the Jopen pouch that comes with every toy in the line. It’s large enough for the charging adapter, but I found the bag so big it’s unwieldy. I wouldn’t mind something a wee bit smaller.

Sadly, I prefer the shaft design of the Vr5, even though I probably would have been more apt to pick the Vr6 as a customer. Unfortunately, the short clitoral arm would just never work for me.

CEN Sexpert

2 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Rhythm “O” – Bounding Bunny

October 5th, 2010

Rhythm "O" - Bounding Bunny

Rhythm "O" - Bounding Bunny
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

The Rhythm “O”™ – Bounding Bunny is.. weird. It’s weird looking and weird feeling and just plain ol’ weird. This rabbit vibrator comes in Barbie pink or a lavender shade of purple. I received the first color. The base, bullet, and internal mechanisms are all pink, with the shaft and clit stim actually coated in a clear layer of TPE so you can see everything through it. The TPE has a slight swirl design that I did not notice during play.

What you see looks like a corn cob. I’m not kidding. I’m not the only one who thinks so, either.

So these individual “kernels” of hard plastic are what California Exotics call pleasure beads, and they move in and out in a wavelike pattern. It’s similar to the Passion Wave, which I loved, but that used discs, instead. I didn’t love the Rhythm “O”™ – Bounding Bunny. In fact, I didn’t even like it. When it was inserted, I could feel it was doing something and that something did make me squirt but it wasn’t even remotely pleasurable. It was almost.. clinical.

For once, I was decently satisfied with the strength clit stimulator vibrations. Very few rabbits are decent in that sense. Unfortunately, the bunny is located a little further down the shaft–6″– than many rabbit vibes so the fit wasn’t quite optimum for me. I wound up taking the toy out to just rub the bunny against me. That’s super disappointing for a “dual” stimulator.

If you’re familiar with my tastes, then you will also know that I prefer toys with a bit of give. Beneath the TPE, which is a bit loose to allow room for the movements of the beads, the shaft is full of hard mechanisms. There really isn’t much give, and the 1.5” diameter of the shaft feels bigger than it is. This isn’t helped by the fact that the shaft is rigidly straight. Some rabbits have a flexible wire in the shaft so you can become more comfortable, but this isn’t the case with the Rhythm “O” – Bounding Bunny.

Function aside, the control is simply horrendous. I have complained about controls in the past, and I have also had no difficulty using CEN rabbits, but the Rhythm “O” – Bounding Bunny is just awful and the opposite of intuitive–whatever that is.

There are a total of five buttons. There is an “On/Off” switch that turns on or off just the bunny bullet. Below this is a button printed with the number “7” that pages through the settings. Next to these buttons is a single LED light that changes colour and flashes to correspond with the modes.

To turn on the shaft, you have to press a different pair of buttons. These buttons use the typical up/down arrow setup and shaft modes correspond to three vertical LEDs that are randomly displayed toward the top of the control pack (next to the bunny buttons).

My problem with this is that both functions would easily work if CEN decided to go with just the arrow mode or just the On/Off and mode button. This is all far too much to think about during use.

But, wait! There’s more.

California Exotics has included a “Hot” button that changes the toy (both functions) to a random setting. That’s actually kinda neat but I find most of the settings are too similar to make it effective.

As you can guess, there is no master Off button. You have to turn off both of the functions manually. This doesn’t help convenience or discrection, IMO. And if you’re really in a hurry, who the hell wants to have to turn on both functions separately? Not I. I like to be able to control them separately, but it’s like CEN just reusing buttons from other toys to make this monstrosity.

These digital buttons are set in a slick plastic base. I found it really difficult to hold when I was using silicone-based lube, which, as I have discovered, is compatible with TPE but not VixSkin.  CEN suggests water-based for use with this toy, for whatever reason. A velvety treatment to the base would make it easier to handle in slippery situations.

Despite washing this toy, I still find it difficult to grasp and remove the battery cover because silicone lube is stubborn like that. When you do unscrew the cover, there’s an EZ-load style battery pack for the 4-AAA batteries. The toy has an O-ring built into it, and I’d trust it to be splash-proof for washing or shower play; however, the cap isn’t as secure as some toys, so I wouldn’t advise submerging it.

For those of you who are interested, there’s a video on the California Exotics website that explains this all in depth. If you ignore the voice work, that is.

CEN Sexpert

1 Comment

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.