the boss Archives - of Sex and Love

Big Boss

September 10th, 2012

Fun Factory currently offers the Big Boss G5 and the Boss dildo.

I know, I’m ridiculous. This review has been a long time coming. A long time. But it’s one that I wanted to write for a couple of reasons, mostly because I quite like this toy and also because the comparison to the Big Boss is necessary. With a capital N. I loved my original Boss. In fact, that was the very name of the review. It remains a toy that’s pretty firm and pretty large, something that usually makes me hate all other toys, but I like the Boss. I like Fun Factory. I liked the vibrations. I liked the little clitoral nub, and I liked fucking myself with this vibrator. Got it? Okay.

So, I wanted to see if I’d like the Big Boss better. And was it really bigger? And would it be stronger or buzzier as a rechargeable version?

First things first. The Big Boss is bigger than the Boss. I’ve read more than one review that claims otherwise. Shut the fuck up. The Boss has a slightly smaller 1.6″ diameter. The Big Boss upgrades this to 1.75″. Neither are the biggest toys ever, but the silicone remains the same on both models. You can bend the shaft slightly, but it’s pretty firm. Fun Factory’s finish also creates a lot of drag that makes insertion pretty difficult. Not everyone likes it. I’m not going to lie to you all: I barely got this thing in. If G-spot stimulation were the end-all and be-all, this toy would have failed. It really would have. The Big Boss is too big for my tiny vagina (vaginy?!?) at this point. Now, if I were having sex or constantly using insertables or didn’t develop spasms at the thought of warming up, this wouldn’t be the case, but the Big Boss is a solid toy, and I just can’t do it. But that’s my fault, not its fault.

By the time I got anything inserted, I felt like I’d used an entire bottle of lube. It was only like 1/4, but, you know, I was all sorts of slippery. This was a freakin’ masturbation adventure, and who doesn’t like adventures?! The contoured head of this and a little lube and my clit is, like, the best adventure I’ve ever been on. I know, I know, this is an internal vibrator, but it works pretty damned well on my clit, and that’s precisely why I’ll be keeping it around. Even if it doesn’t work for its intended purpose, the Big Boss works damned well for other purposes. Multitasking motherfucker.

The Big Boss is also molded differently from the original. You might not even realize it from the pictures, but I noticed it. The one feature that I really liked with the Boss is that little clitoral nub. The shaft curves slightly, and on the inside of the curve is a little nub. It’s the result of two ridges that run parallel gently swooping together toward the handle/base of the vibe.. and it does nothing if you insert this straight, but I would insert the boss only halfway and, then, pull the rest upward, which allowed my clit to enjoy the pressure of the nub.

Unfortunately, the Big Boss pays homage but fails at offering any clitoral stimulation. The Big Boss has a ride on the outside of the curve, and I couldn’t feel it at all. On the whole, the Big Boss is straighter, while the original has a relaxed “S” shape. There’s this decorative ridge that gives the impression of a nub toward the base, but it does jack shit for my clit. I am ranting in rhymes. That’s how much it sucks. I don’t know why Fun Factory deviated but they were wrong.

However, I like the move to rechargeable. The original used the same buttons, with the addition of a boost button. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t want to have to push down an extra button when I want extra juice. All the buttons were frustratingly difficult to press to boot. This isn’t the case with the Big Boss. The buttons are soft and responsive, and the base has that light that turns on when you touch it. All in all, it’s a vast improvement. I do find the looped handle better in theory than practice. My arms, hands, and fingers just don’t work at the right angles to work it, but it’s not like I can’t use the vibrator.

This used Fun Factory’s magnetic charger. It means the thing is waterproof if you want to go deep-sea diving with your Big Boss–I joke. The charger is finicky, though. You need to line it up just right and make sure not to bump it. You’ll probably want to check on it every so often to make sure it’s still charging. I say this from experience.

So does this produce a vibration that satisfies me? Yes. The Big Boss is definitely stronger than its predecessor. When I hold them both, I can feel it. The Big Boss is also a little buzzier. Normally, this would be a con, but I can’t fault it. Most manufacturers only give us strong and super buzzy, so I’ll accept this level of vibration. The comparison makes me realize, however, that giving the original a 4/5 stars for vibration was really generous. It’s probably only a three; although, the vibrations are the deep kind that I like. The newest model is a buzzy 4-ish. It’s no Hitachi, but it’ll do pig, it’ll do.

The Big Boss also slightly annoys me with the digital motor whine. Mine doesn’t seem cheap, per se, but it seems like something is loose-ish. I can’t say if it’s just mine or the whole line. My G4 Calla didn’t seem that way at all. Regardless, it wasn’t anything so distracting that I couldn’t enjoy the Big Boss. Ultimately, I have a lot of little complaints, and they would have resulted in a negative review for any other toy. The Big Boss didn’t do what I expected, but after a night with it, I was still flushed and sweating and on the other side of several orgasms. Who am I to complain?!

9 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

I Love My Boss

May 26th, 2009

The Boss Naked
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

..and you can be sure I’ve never had reason to say that before, until now. Unfortunately, the Boss vibrator has some of the same issues as real bosses. Like, there are a couple of different versions, which leads to some confusion. Which is the real boss? Who do I actually report to? I mean, there’s the new Boss Lady in town with her pink power suit. But there are also a couple more bosses who demand your attention. The original boss, even though his position seems to have been liquidated, can still be found stuck in his old-fashioned ways. He seems to be making his presence known, complete with dial-style controls. Finally, some folks like myself are familiar with a sort of transitional Boss. You could say that while he looks more like the old Boss (colour), he acts more like the new one (control type). While some people prefer the old boss, he has been giving his pink slip and the Boss Lady is here to stay.

Like any employer, sometimes the Boss just doesn’t mesh with some folks. There seem to be a lot of issues revolving around opening the battery compartment on both styles. The battery cap pops off from the boss with sort of a partial twist which can be confusing. Furthermore, there have been reports of the Boss not completing all his duties fully or at all. He has failed to vibrate and/or pulsate for some unless they fidget with the battery pack or controls (and sometimes that doesn’t even help) but I think a boss should just do his job. Luckily for me, mine did.

If you’re considering the Boss to get the job done, you’ll notice he comes well-dressed for the job. With his clean lines, defined head and velvety matte texture (which might mean using an extra drop or two of water-based lube), it’s hard to not be drawn to the boss. The Boss has a gentle curve and substantial girth (1-3/5”) so heads up, size queens. With an insertable length of just under 7″, the Boss knows how to dress for success and his overall appearance lured me into cooperation.

But it was his performance that got the best review! Although not the largest toy I own, The Boss feels incredibly filling, even bigger than he is. The silicone is firm enough for thrusting but soft enough that he feels as though he’s conforming to me especially. One of the last toys I tried, while large, never felt filling. If there is one area in which the Boss excels, this is it! Were I to search for the perfect size and shape of cock, I would walk down the line up of cock with The Boss in my hand, comparing, and I cannot help but wonder if anything or anything will compare. I definitely think the texture and shape of the Boss give the impression of a toy bigger than the Boss is but, hey, sometimes you have to know when to fool people into thinking you’re more than you are.

Billed as the perfect G-spot vibe, I didn’t find that he quite hit mine right during solo play but don’t doubt his firmness would make him the right man for the job if someone could intervene for me (damn my short arms). Yet, the Boss isn’t a man so hard you need to be afraid – he has a sensitive side. The Boss is definitely soft and flexible. The top half of the shaft is pure, flexible silicone, while the motor is located toward the middle of the shaft, on the bottom half.

Using the Boss’s flexibility to my advantage has turned this into the perfect dual-stimulation toy. I know he doesn’t look like much of a double-tasker, but being able to bend him upward so that the little clitoral nub makes contact is amazing. Otherwise, I don’t think that little clitoral nub will do much of anything; in fact, that was even the thought I had about it right out of the package. While I’ve used the Boss to get off with the head on my clit, bending him has definitely provided the best orgasms. I find that I can sometimes get into such a rhythm that thrusting him provides stimulation against both my G-spot (the thrusting causes the vibe to curve back in a way it otherwise wouldn’t) and clit, in sequence.

I’m glad, for once, that The Boss proved me wrong. He has proved to be a much harder worker and easier to work with than I would have originally guessed. For instance, I thought he had some control issues, in the beginning. It was difficult to push his buttons to access the multiple levels of vibration and pulsation. My small hands struggled. However, because my grip on the toy was actually reversed when in use, I found the buttons easier to use this way and was soon provided with 7 or so pleasing levels of vibration (provided by 4 AAA batteries). While not the strongest toy in my collection (that pleasure goes to the Miracle Massager), the boss was not disappointing, either, and his 3 levels of pulsation were not the wimpy kind – I definitely felt them deep within. All the while, the Boss used only a suitable indoor voice and you’d never know he was just a room over. I would have to say, however, that the Boss does not perform consistently. The vibes were much stronger near the clitoral bump than the head of the shaft.

Of course, I’m a critical person and I couldn’t help but notice a specific area where the Boss’s traits were over-exaggerated a bit. Rumors about the Boss say that he is good at giving an extra boost to get the job done when it’s really getting down to the line. I was not impressed by the turbo boost button at the end of the vibe. Essentially, it seems like an extra level of steady vibration, which you can press when orgasm is near, to set you over the edge. I didn’t find the boost to be that powerful, and the fact that you need to hold it down also hampers the effect. It would make more sense if, say, I could press the boost button once and get a few seconds of extra power without needing to hold it.

Nevertheless, there are a few understated qualities of the boss that make him a pleasure to work with. He’s not afraid to get his hands wet, which makes him perfect for use in the shower and easy to clean.

If you can’t tell yet, I’ve really gotten used to working with the Boss and I look forward to our teamwork in the future.