Lelo Siri

September 15th, 2010

Lelo Siri

Lelo Siri
N/A from

Lelo has since released the Siri 2.

Ah, the Lelo Siri. How I drooled over this little clitoral vibrator. How I e-mailed all my company contacts and practically begged to review it. How ecstatic I was when someone finally said “Yes, we can send one your way!” How I waited impatiently as it was on the way to my house. I opened the box and the package and was disappointed that it did not come charged. I charged it immediately.

This is not the norm for me, far from it. Sometimes, my excitement wanes so quickly while a toy is in transit that I don’t use it for weeks after I receive it. I used Siri the very first day I had it, as soon as it was charged in fact. Sometimes I use a toy once and then try to forget about it because I am disappointed. I have spent more time with Siri than that.

I very quickly developed some thoughts about Lelo’s newest.

The good:

  • Siri comes in pink, purple and the red I chose. It’s the same as Mona and I am in love with the shade.
  • The velvety silicone is offset by shiny, white plastic (again, like Mona or Ina), which makes for an attractive piece.
  • Siri is rechargeable, like all of Lelo’s buzzy things.
  • Siri’s vibrations are much deeper (rumbly) than those of Lelo’s previous clitoral stimulators (Lily/Nea/Mia). They’re comparable to Mona or Ina in Depth.
  • Siri is easy to use, with the same 4-button setup as other Lelo toys. Siri also features the ability to lock the toy when not in use (but not during use).
  • Siri offers three levels of continuous vibrations and multiple pulsation and escalation settings.
  • The buttons are more accessible, on the top of the toy, as opposed to the bottom where they were on the Lily.
  • Siri isn’t as flat as Lily. I find the rounder and broader shape to be a little more appropriate for what I like (pressure).

The bad:

  • Siri’s buttons might be too accessible. Although larger than the Lily/Nea, Siri is still pretty small, and there’s not a lot of room to place my fingers on top of the toy. Inevitably, I wind up pressing buses because I cannot lock the toy and changing the speed of mode when I do not intend to.
  • Siri still isn’t that strong. Because of my personal tastes, the rumbly vibes make up for this somewhat, but those who need strong and rumbly vibes or strong vibes, regardless of the frequency, will still be disappointed with Siri.
  • Siri has no cover for the charging port. I mean, WTF?! This is standard on most Lelo toys, including Mona and Ina so I’m not sure what happened with this. Does Lelo think it’s less likely this external toy will need a deep clean in the sink? Isn’t that a little presumptuous?

The technical:

  • Siri comes in a black Lelo box and is packaged in a cardboard and plastic package. It rests on top of a cardboard insert to make it look pretty.
  • Lelo includes a 10-year Quality Guarantee, a 1-year warranty, and an instruction manual in the box. There’s also a small white satin pouch for storing Siri.
  • Siri can be cleaned with soap and water if you are careful of the charging port; it is not waterproof.
  • When Siri needs charging, the LED light glows red. During charging, it pulses white and remains solidly lit after charging, which takes about 2 hours.
  • Holding the + and – button locks Siri. If it is on, it will turn off.

What does this mean, you ask?

I found Siri to be more effective than Lily. I have used it several times to achieve one or more orgasms per session on the initial charge, which took fewer than 2 hours. I find the shape to be better for stimulating my clit, but I am frequently annoyed by the placement of the buttons. I would definitely prefer the ability to lock the toy during use. Thus far, I’ve had no issues cleaning the Siri, but I’ve made an effort not to drown out the thing. While I wouldn’t mind if the vibrations were stronger, and I am sure others would agree, the rumblyness makes them quite pleasurable.

Siri is definitely an improvement over previous clitoral offerings from Lelo.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

We Vibe II

September 9th, 2010

This is an archived review. WeVibe now makes several options for couples vibrators.

The We Vibe was always a toy that interested me, but not the type of toy I was willing to spend my hard-earned money on. You know the type. But I quickly asked to review it, and it arrived at my door shortly after. GV packed the box with a ton a swag. I mean, damn! A sample GV wipe, refrigerator magnets, a packet of sensitizing lube, and even a sample of massage lotion by Jimmyjane. I think I may be missing something. Regardless, swag is awesome.

I was as surprised by the size of the We-Vibe II as I was by the swag. I shouldn’t have been. I’ve seen countless pictures and several videos but this thing is just.. tiny. Any other dual stimulator vibe I have would dwarf this thing. f course, it makes sense when you consider that you need to be able to insert this and a penis into your vagina.

The We-Vibe II is about the length of the palm of my hand and much slimmer. The “U” shaped design features a thinner, insertable arm with ridges on the inside. These will, ideally, stimulate the G-spot. The external arm, for clitoral stimulation, is thicker and has smoother ridges along the inside (where it will touch the skin).

At the very end of the external party is a tiny, raised circle that you press to operate the toy. It makes an audible click when you do so. However, it is small and a bit more difficult to use when the We-Vibe is in place, as opposed to just sitting in your hand. Fleshy ladies may find their labia blocks access to the button but even without anatomical issue, it is tiny and requires precise movements.

We-Vibe II has a total of 9 settings. High, low, and multiple modes. According to a product card with the toy, these settings are throb, wave, pulse, ramp, tease, ascend and cha-cha. There’s a good mix of pulsation and escalation. I stuck to the steady vibrations, as I usually do.

Let me tell you that the We-Vibe II does not have the strongest vibrations that I have ever experienced but they are damned deep and rumbly. IT’s like.. straddling an idling tractor. Not that I’ve ever done that but that’s how I’d imagine it. The We-Vibe II quickly made me squirt and squirt a lot!

I do have two slight complaints about the controls/settings: no medium?! It threw me off every time. I’d try to increase the vibrations and skip “high” right to “throb.” I enjoy that you can turn the toy completely off just by holding the button for 2 seconds but I’d prefer two buttons so I can cycle either way.

Now, not having a real live penis to fully test out this toy, I opted for a vibrator. I grabbed a ceramic G-spot piece. In hindsight, it may have been wiser to pull a straight toy out of the box as, you know, most penises aren’t rigid, nor do they have an angled head like that. If only I had received my Vixskin dildo a bit earlier. Regardless, I gave it a go.

The toy I used has a 1.5″ diameter. Insertion without the We-Vibe is easy, and I rarely use lube. Insertion with the We-Vibe was a bit difficult. The ceramic obviously offers a lot of rigidity and the core of the insertable arm on the We-Vibe is quite rigid itself. I want to say that insertion would be easier with an actual cock but I’m not sure if that’s actually true.

I can tell you that because the casing of the We-Vibe is made of silicone, you should only use water-based lubes and, because said silicone is sticky in a smooth way, I’d be wary of trying to use it with other sticky toys (silicone, jelly, etc).

After insertion, I found that thrusting caused the We-Vibe to slide further into me, past my G-spot a bit. The general rumblyness of the vibrations still hit the spot but I don’t need pinpoint G-spot stimulation. If you do, I’m willing to bet you’ll spend a lot of time holding the We-Vibe II in place. In fact, I’d say this is not the toy for a rough and rowdy round of sex.

Admittedly, it was a bit uncomfortable when the widest part of the We-Vibe was sitting against the widest part of the toy and my pubic bone, so when it slid further in, the thinner neck wound up against my bone, and it was more comfortable.

Externally, the We-Vibe II just didn’t provide a whole lot of pressure or targeted stimulation. The neck is quite flexible, so I didn’t get the pressure I loved. However, the rumbly vibrations did provide a lot of general stimulation. I probably wouldn’t get off–clitorally–from it, but assuming that I could make it work during intercourse, I think I’d enjoy it.

At least, I would have.. if it hadn’t broken. You see, I used this toy right out of the box (after soap and water washing, of course). It came with a charge already, despite the fact that the manual says to charge it for a day before use. I was talking to Jules, who said that hers came charged but was much stronger after charging so I inserted what I thought was the AC adapter into the little hole under the button. The problem was, it was not the right adapter and I didn’t realize this until after I had it plugged in for several hours–of course!

I unplugged it as soon as I realized this error but the damage was done. My We-Vibe no longer powers on. )= It probably didn’t help that one of the cats decided to use it as a chew toy during charging.

My bad.

But, it does bring to light the fact that the charging port is kind of weird and I don’t really like it. There’s simply a hole in the silicone, and the portal is somewhere in there. You can’t see the edges of the port, like you do on any other rechargeable toy. It’s completely possible to miss the port at all, which I think I did a few times. I kept wondering, “Is it in yet?” It’s not the most difficult thing ever but I found it annoying, probably more so because I was using the wrong adapter at first. d=

Anyway, if it hadn’t broken, I’d have cleaned my We-vibe and put it in the included cinch pouch to prevent it from becoming covered in cat hair like it has. That’s definitely one of the things that I hate about silicone.

As it stands, the We Vibe is interesting enough that I am considering swapping or using some major couponage to replace it.

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Throbbing Hearts waterproof Vibrator

August 12th, 2010

Throbbing hearts waterproof Vibrator

Throbbing hearts waterproof Vibrator
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

I like throbbing things, especially throbbing body parts. Like a cock as it ejaculates inside of me or the spasms of my PC muscles during orgasm. Yet, throbbing is one of the few sensations that companies haven’t mastered. Throbbing toys have not saturated the market, so this vibrator really caught my eye.

Out of the box, the Throbbing Hearts waterproof Vibrator is interesting. I noticed that the TPE seemed to be quite loose around the shaft mechanism. I mean, it’s not flopping around, but you can pinch some of the material away from the shaft, like looser skin. The movement kind of gives the feel of softness–when not in use.

The Throbbing Hearts waterproof Vibrator has a straight, smooth shaft. The mechanism beneath the TPE gives the impression of ripples, however. The head of the toy is realistically shaped like the head of a cock. Oddly enough, the clitoral stimulator also has a penis head shape which is kind of creepy. It’s like the whole clitoral simulator is some sort of stunted penis. And then, there are two embossed heart designs toward the base o the toy and on the back of the clit stim. I have no idea what the theme is here but Doc Johnson missed the mark.

Still, I wanted this for its sensations, not the look. It’s not the tiniest toy, though. With a base diameter of 1.59″, it’s a medium-large size. You can use water or silicone-based lube with this toy. The design results in a maximum insertable length of 5.5″, which is pretty effective for the average size of vaginas. The clitoral stimulator is also quite long, extending almost 3″ from the shaft.

There are two buttons for each function (throbbing and clit vibration). The design deviates from the standard and isn’t visually appealing. Essentially, the throbbing function has a + and – buttons that also serve to turn the function on and off, respectively. These buttons are square and are labeled as “On” and “Off” which is confusing to me. The vibration function has a master On/Off button and a separate button to control the speed/mode. These buttons are round and oval, respectively. I don’t know why both functions don’t have comparable +/- button or a power and mode button–or a different setup altogether to provide a master “Off” button for the entire toy. I don’t know why there are different shapes. It’s very anti-intuitive, in my opinion.

So I insert the toy and turn it on. First, I try the throbbing because this is really the appeal and, boy, is it weird. The throbbing is actually expanding and contracting, which required the loose TPE that I noticed originally. It does this in a very quick succession, even on the lowest speed and, when the toy isn’t inserted, it makes a noise similar to skin slapping skin during sex. On the toy, it’s almost disgusting.

Sound aside, I just did not find the sensation wasn’t much like throbbing itself. Throbbing typically has vertical movement, too. It feels deep, rumbly. This toy does not. It just feels like something is growing larger and smaller, and all the speeds are too close together for there to be much build-up. This is not a sensation that stimulates my G-spot at all. And because rabbits are not intended to be thrusted (usually), this isn’t very versatile. Additionally, I find that the shaft mechanism feels really hard and solid. I prefer my insertables to be either hard or large–not both.

Externally, I was not impressed. The clit stimulator, while plenty long enough, offers little pressure. The vibrations are incredibly buzzy. I can barely tell the difference between the medium and high steady vibrations. The pulsation lacks any sort of oomph. The functions, when combined, really seem to work against one another. They don’t complement each other at all. I’m not surprised that I was unimpressed by the vibrations, however. This uses AAAs.

The toy takes 4AAAs altogether. They fit into a battery compartment that has an easy load-style pack, and the cap screws on over an O-ring, thus making this waterproof. Honestly, I’d think that the sensation of water falling on you in the shower would compete with the sensations that this toy provides, and I don’t advise it.

I am more than a bit disappointed with this toy. I really like the idea of a throbbing toy, but I think it needs to feel different from the violent, in-and-out slapping of the mechanism of this toy. Plus, I’m curious how easy it might be to break this. I’m almost intrigued enough by the function to cut off the TPE and see what’s going on beneath it. Almost.

Still, I commend Doc Johnson for thinking outside the box and creating something a little different.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Symphony Massager

August 6th, 2010

Symphony massager

Symphony massager
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

This month’s (okay, last month’s, I guess) Sexpert toy from California Exotics is the Symphony Massager. It’s true to its name (massager) and discretely looks nothing like a sex toy at all. In fact, as I sit here gazing at it, I find it difficult to describe the type of toy it is. There’s a nod, to some high-end toys, like the Form 6 or even one of the Lelo toys, except the Symphony Massager isn’t dual-ended, and I have no desire whatsoever to insert it.

A few of the basics. This is a plastic toy. It has a velvety finish. It comes in lavender (what I have) and white. It measures 8″ from tip to tip, and you can insert a little under 4.5.” The widget varies: the ends are wider than the center, with the handle end being wider than the insertable end, which is ovular (not a perfect circle) and has a circumference of 4.75.” The thinnest part of the insertable portion has a circumference of 3.25.”

The vibrations are focused at the insertable. Oddly enough, there is a little dimple on the top of this end. I guess it could be used for clitoral stimulation, but I think it’s kind of useless because then the angle of the toy would make it curve away from your body. I prefer toys that mimic the curve of my pubic bone, I guess. The angle on this toy is really unique and quite high. If I set the toy on a flat surface so it rests on either tip, I can slip four fingers into the open area created by the angle (under the toy). That really has no significance, but I think it’s fun and such.

The Symphony Massager uses a single push button to operate. It sits inside another dimple, toward the center of the toy but on the handle end. It’s surrounded by silver, and it sticks up a lot. I say this because I like buttons that are easy to find, and this one is! My nails don’t get in the way. It’s not right next to another equally tiny button. I like it a lot.

When you press this button, you will cycle through several settings: low steady vibration, high steady vibration, short-short-long pulsation, short pulsation, and a weird back-and-forth sort of pulse that I am failing to describe well. If you’re paying attention, then you’ll notice that there is no “medium” setting. I constantly skip to the first pulsation setting because I want something stronger. It’s a force of habit that is hard to break and California Exotics might due better to just stick to what has worked thus far.

Because the Symphony Massager runs on 2AAAs the vibrations are buzzy and the pulsation lacks “oomph.” This is the kind of toy that mostly makes me tingle a little, but then I reach for something stronger, as I did. I cannot recall if I got off from this because it does have a broader surface, which I like externally. If I did, I wasn’t much impressed.

Now, I didn’t bring this anywhere near my internal organs. For one, it just doesn’t seem like an internal toy to me. Secondly, there is a ridiculous seam running through the plastic, all the way around. Needless to say, this isn’t anywhere close to waterproof, nor would I ever recommend sharing it without some sort of gamma-ray.. stuff. Either plastic piece of this toy seems to be melted together in two locations on the insertable part. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to melt seamlessly the whole way or if it just connects at those points but.. it’s weird. It seems cheap, and while many would not be able to feel it in use, it ‘s just not something I want inside me.’

It’s funny that the pieces would be so far apart because the battery pack is tight. I think CEN used all the recalled China shrink cream on this because wow, just wow! You have to turn the cap to the correct position to unlock it and pull it off. Be prepared to give a forceful yank and have your batteries fly in your face to fully remove it. Then you might chuckle because the is, indeed, a plastic O-ring in there. The same move in reverse replaces the cap.

My verdict, as you can see, is this is not the toy for me. Were the quality better, it’d be a decent, basic toy–inexpensive, potential versatile, easy to use and varied. Now, it just feels cheap.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

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Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe

July 19th, 2010

Janine's Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe

Janine's Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe
$33 from Pink Cherry

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

Lordy, has it ever taken me forever to sit down to this review. If you didn’t guess from the name and picture, this rabbit vibrator is in Digital Playground’s line of Pirates-inspired toys. All of them are extremely artistic, and the thought that went into creation and design is really astounding. I’m not sure why the toys are out now (DVD release, maybe?) but it’s hard to miss them at any retailer.

So let me start by saying that Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe is heavy on the detail. The base is made of a hard, velvety plastic in a deep rosey pink. On either side is a “decal” featuring a stylized cross between two “ropes.” Around the top of the base, below where the shaft starts, are two rows of orange rhinestones.

And then there’s the shaft in a translucent pink TPE. The first third of the shaft, next to the base, has a stylized pirate skull embossed into it with some surrounding details. We are talking major texture here (although, this portion isn’t insertable with the clitoral stimulator being there and all). The clit stim is, literally, crafted to look like a cannon on a rolling platform with the barrel pointing toward the end the toy. It’s the barrel that will rest against the clitoris during use.The design is a little different from your typical rabbits and the clit stim extends about 1.25″ from the base. Although the sides and back of the cannon have some texture, the part that will actually touch the body is smooth, except for a single ridge that goes around the end of the cannon.

This portion of the shaft ends with an embossed “rope” that encircles the shaft. Then the TPE is smooth for about 1.75.” Behind this portion of TPE, the rotating beads sit and you can see them pretty clearly through the smooth TPE.

The last third of the shaft starts with another embossed rope and, above that, more texture can be found. The head of the shaft is curved, for G-spot stimulation, I’d guess, and stylized so it looks like the curved butt of those old-fashioned pirate pistols. There are swirly lines and a starburst-y pattern, among other textures. Now, don’t think about it too much because you’ll realize it makes no sense for this cannon vibe to have a handle like that and, even if it did, it shouldn’t be on that end. You see, you’d be shooting yourself. But, like I said, pay no attention to logic.

By this point, I’d be halfway done with most of my reviews. The reason I’ve spent so much attention on this detail is simply because there is a lot of it and it will effect your experience. I can’t say for sure whether it will be a negative or positive impact but this is the type of texture that you just cannot miss. I absolutely recommend using a fuckton of lube (water or silicone) with the Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe to ease insertion and prevent pain.

To add to the texture, this isn’t a tiny vibe. The girth around the smooth portion is 1.59.” It definitely has a decent size, and with the texture around the last third, the girth is probably even a bit larger. There are 4.5″ that you can insert but, I’ll be honest, I thought it felt like so much more. Perhaps because of the girth or texture or because the cannon barrel is shorter than most rabbit clit stims, but it was just so.. there.

Size-wise, I wasn’t really fulfilled. I say that playfully because I definitely was filled, but the size and curve of the shaft weren’t the best to reach my clit, nor was the clit stim super effective. The cannon barrel is a chunk of squishy TPE, so it doesn’t move like rabbit ears, nor can you really get a lot of pressure from it.

The vibrations were also a little lackluster, which I should have known. This will probably be the last toy I get that uses AAAs because they never satisfy me. This rabbit takes 4 (in an easy load type pack, the battery cap screws on, and there’s a prominent O-ring), but the output is just pathetic. When you push the power button, both functions turn on. The shaft and beads rotate simultaneously while the clit stim vibrates. There’s a single button to page through vibration modes (low, medium and high) but the vibes are so high pitched that all the steady modes feel pretty similar and the pulsation modes are nothing to write home about either. There are 7 vibration settings altogether.

The other button adjusts the speed of rotation, of which there are three speeds. There’s also two sort of pulsing rotation settings. That’s pretty unique but it’s overwhelmed by the vibration, size and texture in my opinion. I do not specifically recall if I could stop the rotation with my PC muscles but I wouldn’t doubt it, considering the source. I tend not to try it with larger or super textured toys, though, because it hurts.

The functions are interesting and I have a few thoughts about them. One, when you turn off the toy (with the master power switch), it takes a few seconds for the rotation to stop and it still makes noise while it’s stopping. That’s a bummer. Secondly, you cannot have just the vibrations or just the rotation on. Another bummer. It’s not ridiculously loud though. With both functions on the highest setting, it’s still much quieter than the Miracle Massager and it’s quieter in use, as the body absorbs some of the sound.

Like most rabbits, Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe is weight and lacks balance. I think the gobs of TPE used to create the details only adds to that, sadly. The long base (the toy is over 10″ long in total) on this one is a bit difficult to use with my short arms. I find that I have to pull the base upwards to grasp it well and this results in the shaft pulling away from any sensitive spots. This is something that frequently occurs with rabbits, however.

Just to cover a few basics, you can easily wash this one with soap and water but will have to carefully scrub around the texture. There is a storage bag included, but the shiny TPE tends to stick on the material during insertion or removal, so it’s not as practical as I’d like.

So, my final thoughts are like this: Digital Playground has created some really unique movie merchandise, but, like most movie merchandise, I feel like Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe would be better left in its box, on the mantel shelf than actually put to use. In fact, some true movie merchandise might have been more useful than sex toys.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Solar Bullet

July 3rd, 2010

Solar Bullet

Solar Bullet
$25.91S from Amazon

The Solar Bullet from California Exotics is something that several sites offered up for review–and I passed over–before I knew I was going to be reviewing it for the manufacturer. You see, I’m not a huge fan of bullet vibes to begin with (I already have one that I like just fine) and the concept seemed more novel than practical for me. But it did show up at my door, and try it out, I did.

The Solar Bullet was actually charged, which is neat. There’s a little blue light on the control pack/charger that indicates this status. I believe it needs 8 hours to fully charge and it doesn’t need OMG sunlight. I set it on my printer to charge, without ever opening my blinds. You can use other light sources, too.

So the charger is a mostly, flat solar cell type thingy in plastic. There’s a sliding button to control vibrations. The button’s a little retro, in my opinion, but it functions just fine. The pack itself is much bigger than the battery packs I’ve used for other bullets and it’s bigger than my cell phone as well. It doesn’t quite fit nimbly in the palm of a person’s hand but I understand it has to be that size for this concept to work at all.

Well, sort of.

You see, the solar bullet isn’t any more powerful than those wireless bullets that rely on watch batteries and they don’t have any bulky attachments. The vibrations are extremely high pitched so while there’s an initial tingle, my body becomes unable to feel them at all within a minute. That just doesn’t cut it for me.

I’m not a huge fan of the design, either. The Solar Bullet is very narrow hard plastic shape, even moreso than any of the watch-battery bullets I’ve had with other toys, if I recall correctly. It would probably fit into some of those cock rings that take replaceable bullets, if you have a need. Other than that, I like my surfaces to be broader and flatter and.. more usable. For some unknown reason, there is a tiny light at the tip of the solar bullet. I don’t know if it’s plastic or glass but I have this secret fear of breaking the clear casing and slicing through my clit. Yea, no… Not a good visual. Even if it didn’t make me fearful, I just don’t understand the point. Don’t lotsa people like to use the very tip of the toy? This pretty much means you cannot do that.

Needless to say, I really didn’t spend enough time with the Solar Bullet to run it dry. I really like the idea but it just doesn’t work for me in the real world. Unless you’re into collecting novel toys, skip this one.

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Ultimate Satisfier

June 24th, 2010

Ultimate Satisfier - Magenta

Ultimate Satisfier - Magenta
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

I continue my quest for the perfect dual stimulator, and a toy with the word “Ultimate” in its name ought to be pretty close, don’t you think? The Ultimate Satisfier adds a handle to the mix, something that many other vibrators lack. There is an extremely similar toy by PHS International with the exact same clitoral stimulator and handle. However, the insertable portion is a copy of the shaft of the Fun Factory Curve. I enjoyed the Curve and wasn’t so sure the ridges on the Ultimate Satisfier would be as pleasurable because of my recent experience with some ridges.

I’ve reviewed many similar sex toys so I thought I’d sum it up a little quicker than usual.

The Pros:

  • This toy is probably the best fit I’ve found for my anatomy, yet. The curve between the internal and external portions nearly hugs my pubic bone. It’s almost perfectly curved/angled.
  • The clitoral stimulator is 1.5″ in length, long enough to actually reach my clit.
  • The ridges on the shaft give the impression of some girth while the diameter is only 1.19″.
  • It’s made of hygienic, non-porous silicone (I flame tested), and the insertable portion is firm enough for consistent G-spot stimulation and possibly some thrusting.
  • The handle is more maneuverable than it appears.
  • The push-button, super-long bullet vibrator has multiple speeds and relies on a standard AAA battery rather than watch batteries. You can actually feel the difference between the levels, too.
  • The toy is waterproof, and the bullet has a prominent O-ring next to the battery cap.
  • It costs less than $25.

But there are a few cons, too:

  • I couldn’t necessarily feel the ridges on the insertable portion.
  • The clitoral stimulator is thinner and more flexible to give me the pressure I like.
  • The handle, while useful for G-spot stimulation, didn’t work quite so well for clitoral stimulation.
  • The vibrations are hard to feel externally because 1 AAA battery just does not provide a lot of power. The vibrations are also quite buzzy, rather than deep.
  • The shaft does not have much of a curve, so I imagine it just won’t reach all G-spots.
  • Because the long bullet extends into the internal shaft, you can’t bend it to reach any particular spot. This was actually a little uncomfortable/painful on some occasions.
  • The silicone is the shiny/sticky sort. Water-based lube is probably a must for many people.
  • There is a visible and tangible-to-the-finger seam that runs around the entire toy.

Everything else:

Because this vibrator “fits” so well, it has the potential to be a hands-free toy. Of course, your range of motion and use will be limited with the handle sticking out. It’s versatile enough to use for vaginal/perineum stimulation and can be inserted anally as well because the shape will prevent it from getting lost.

While the Ultimate Satisfier is really close to what I need, it’s not quite the ultimate toy to satisfy me. The composition of silicone is kind of.. strange. I don’t think I’ve used any other toy with this shiny and dense silicone. It doesn’t feel as nice as velvety silicone that I’m used to.

It worked well enough internally, but the clitoral stimulator just didn’t have enough pressure for it to be a true dual stimulator. I already own several toys that are just as, if not more, successful at making me squirt, but that doesn’t mean the Ultimate Satisfier won’t work well for someone who has a more sensitive clit.

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Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.