Orchid G

April 7th, 2009

Orchid G
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. For something similar, you might try Chelsi or Rose.

It took me a long time to warm up to the idea of a G-spot wand like the Orchid G, which was available by itself as well as in a combo with The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-spot). I don’t really consider these toys to be attractive, and they don’t really seem to be as versatile as, say, a silicone vibrator. I finally decided to take the plunge when I saw Babeland offered it up for review, right around the time I was also trying out the Symphony G-Harmony (to refresh your memory, it didn’t work for me).

The Orchid G, which is pretty affordable at just $22, really isn’t a very flowery vibe, so I’m not sure about the name. The colours are a bit girly and my plastic, purple vibe is also glittery. Still, I don’t find it to be particularly attractive. However, it’s not very intimidating and just may make a good beginner’s toy. There’s no need to fear insertion with the Orchid G.

What you see really is what you get, in this case. In fact, I only got a cheap plastic bag with my Orchid G – and it was slipping halfway off in the shipping box. I would have appreciated the packaging to at least stay on during shipping. =/

The batteries are inserted at the end (2AA), and there is a dial control. The bulbous head of this toy, where the vibes are concentrated, looks like a bullet or egg vibe on a stick, and that’s pretty much what it is. The vibrations are surprisingly powerful, and the Orchid G is also louder than I would expect a toy of its size to be. The long shaft (the toy is 8″ long) allows you to penetrate yourself to reach a range of locations; ideally, every G-spot, no matter how shallow or deep, can be reached with the Orchid G. Plus, the angled head can be used to stimulate that sweet spot.

Except, in my experience. I read a lot of positive reviews, many from first-timers who were able to achieve G-spot orgasms from this and similar toys, but I was not to be included. I found that the wand was too long for my short arms. Because the only place you can really grasp this toy is at the base, otherwise the smooth plastic becomes too slick, I wound up actually pushing the head of the vibe toward the back wall of my vagina rather than toward my G-spot. In general, the toy simply jutted out too far from my vagina. A curved toy would be better for me.

At times I was able to stimulate my G-spot a bit but it wasn’t overwhelmingly pleasurable. I would find a spot that was good and lose the position I was in. I tried to grasp the handle higher up, but to no avail, because it would slip. On the plus size, insertion is really easy. I also noted that the base become rather warm during use. I usually cannot tell with a lot of toys because the motor is inserted and the toy warms up to my body heat as well, but it was very obvious that this toy becomes hot quickly. Perhaps I was just trying too hard and too long.

Not wanting to give up on this toy, I tried it as a clit toy but I found the hard, smooth plastic just didn’t stimulate my clit the way I wanted. It was actually painful. Also, with the long shaft, I could use this toy as I might normally use a bullet-style vibe (with lots of pressure and grinding) because the shaft would get in the way.

I really tried and tried, but by the time I finished, I was pretty frustrated. I was so sure the hard plastic and angled head of the Orchid G would work for me like it has so many others, but it just did not because of my specific anatomy. I have since then moved on to trying some alternative forms of G-spot stimulation, like the Pure Wand, which presented some unique frustrations. If you’re not so limited in the arm department, the Orchid G might just be your saving grace, but it wasn’t for me.

19 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

SEXTOY.com Vibrating Rabbit

April 4th, 2009

SEXTOY.com Vibrating Rabbit
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

If you weren’t aware that Sextoy.com has a few items in its ‘signature’ line, then you’re probably not alone. I didn’t know. However, I expect that this sex toy superstore probably knows a thing or two about sex toys. A domain name like sextoy.com is pretty damned difficult and expensive to get, so the fact that they’ve had it – and for years – is impressive. But was I as impressed with their sex toys?

Of the two toys I received, I opted to try the Sextoy.com vibrating rabbit first. (The other, which I will review later, is a basic silver bullet). This rabbit is a little different from previous rabbits I have tried. For one, it doesn’t rotate. This is actually a good thing in my book; I’ve never been much of a fan of rotation. What this rabbit does instead is pretty cool. There are several rows of connected ball bearings that move up and down along the shaft, imitating thrusting/stroking. Aside from the typical vibrating rabbit clit stimulator, the tip of the shaft also vibrates. Each of these functions has a separate control.

It’s a bright pink vibrator (perhaps too bright?) with a contoured head. Beneath the head are a couple of ridges. The base/control pack are silver plastic with those digital type buttons. The same plastic extends about halfway up the vibrator, beneath the soft, outer material so the shaft doesn’t have any give or bend. The rabbit features a pointy nose along with his ears. The ears actually look harder than they are. It seems like this is a pretty soft material.

The material is listed a “ultra gel” which doesn’t tell me much. The back of the box warns to keep this “latex toy away from sunlight and heat.” Good advice but why not use a little higher quality material like silicone? Or even TPR Silicone would be an upgrade. I don’t have a latex allergy but I did experience a little burning-ish discomfort after use which is not something I’ve run into before.

Located at the bottom is the battery pack, and I’ll start with the bad here. The cover for the battery pack pulls off. There are 2 heart-shaped buttons, 1 on each side of the toy, and squeezing them allows this toy to come off. Overall, I like this, and it’s definitely unique. However, I have to squeeze those buttons pretty hard and pull the cover off with my other hand. This whole thing makes me really wish I had 3 hands (or someone to help), and as I am neither an alien nor my husband around, it’s a bit frustrating. However, once the cover is off, the batteries (4AA) are easy to insert.

I tested all the functions separately and together prior to insertion, which I would recommend as multifunction vibes can be a little complicated sometimes. As you go through these modes, the lights on the control pack light up, it actually looks pretty cool and futurotic. First, another light adds on (1 light for each mode) and on the highest setting, it cycles through all the lights. For the 4 mode functions, there are blue and red lights, and for the 6 mode functions (the stroking motion), there are red, green, and blue lights.

The bullet for clit stimulation and the bullet in the head of the shaft have 4 modes each, 2 of which pulse and high and low steady vibration. For whatever reason, the pulsation modes are before the steady vibration, and this seems a little backward to me. I expect steady vibration first and then whatever “extra” modes to come after. The different modes for the stroking motion are all an increase in speed. You can definitely tell because the toy becomes whinier but not all of these modes are really differentiable from the others. I’d say that this function might be a little better off with fewer modes, perhaps 4, like the other functions, which are more greatly varied. On the note of sound, this toy is pretty loud, louder than I’d like, in fact. However, upon insertion or pressing against my body, it quieted down significantly.

One thing I would change is to make the buttons protrude a little further. They’re not quite flush with the rest of the control pack, making them a bit difficult to push. I have noticed that the middle buttons, which control the thrusting, are sometimes less responsive. In fact, in my video, you can see that I have to push the buttons several times before it kicks into motion.

But I know you all want to know, how does the stroking feel? After inserting this pretty pink animal into my pussy (I’ve used both System Jo H2O and ToyFluid lube, but this isn’t a super thick toy), I was pleasantly surprised. I could easily feel the stroking up and down and although not meant to be a G-spot toy, it did stimulate it. If the SEXTOY.com Vibrating Rabbit were a little thicker, I think it might even help me achieve G-spot orgasm.

Unfortunately, the stroking does not stand up to clenching at all. As soon as I really got into it and would clench down, it would stop. This is a shame because if it held up to my muscles, I know my orgasm would have been that much more phenomenal.

I found that the bullet in the tip of the shaft became lost with the other functions on. It was just too deep to stimulate anything specific. The other issue I had was that the shaft was very straight and rigid. I would have liked it to have a little more give and/or be a little shorter. I wound up rocking/sliding this toy in a way that stimulated my G-spot, but my cervix was banged up quite a bit. So I wanted to get the orgasm out of the way.

I had a similar issue with the clitoral stimulator. Alone, it felt good, and that was how I eventually got off while using just the shaft – functions off (it seems like I usually resort to this) – to stimulate internally. The vibrations definitely paled in comparison when the stroking function was on. I occasionally couldn’t tell it was vibrating at all. Because it’s such a demanding function, I think a stronger clitoral bullet is called for. The position also wasn’t as good a fit as some other toys I’ve used but it still did the job. The Ultra Gel material is quite soft so the bunny didn’t hug my pubic bone with as much pressure as I prefer.

In the end, I think SexToy.com tried to do a lot with this toy. They went about things in a unique way, and I could really tell. However, not everything succeeded. While the stroking was super stimulating and got me all hot, it wasn’t enough to get me off alone. When used with the clitoral stimulator, I would clench my muscles as I got nearer to orgasm, which brought the stroking to a halt. The shaft vibrator really did nothing for me at all, and the rigid shaft was sometimes uncomfortable. I really wish I could have loved this toy because it seemed unique, but there are a few kinks to work out. Who knows, maybe we’ll see a Sextoy.com Vibrating Rabbit 3.0.

16 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

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Rock Your World Vibrator

April 1st, 2009

Rock Your World Vibe
N/A from TabuToys

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

One of my very first sex toys was the infamous Rabbit Habit from Vibratex. I was really excited and it was nice for a while until it broke. And a second one broke. I haven’t really had a lot of faith in Vibratex and haven’t purchased another product since then. I have used a lot of quality toys and have come to the opinion that the Rabbit Habit was not. But when the chance arose for me to try another Vibratex product, I thought I’d give them another go. I hoped that the company would woo me with another product.

And the product on question is the ‘Rock Your World’ vibe. It’s a cute purple, rabbit-style vibrator (although the clit stimulator is actually a butterfly) with soft tickling nubs. Made from elastomer, this toy comes in a fairly chic and modern plastic box decorated with filigree-style lines. The box was surrounded by a paperboard band (also decorated with a feminine flower) which serves both as advertising and information about the toy. Helpful information includes using water-based lube, keeping away from latex products, and that there are no latex or phthalates in the product. Some of the more gimicky ‘information’ states that there is a powerful motor and that the Rock Your World vibe is an ‘original design by women for women.’ Overall, however, the package is pretty modern even if it’s not breathtaking and it’s certainly a step up from the cardboard boxes my habits came in.

One vital piece of information which is listed on the box is the specs. With an insertable 4″ and a diameter of 1.75″, this is not the biggest toy I’ve ever used. It’s definitely no Passion Wave. 😉 But that’s okay. The product page on TabuToys lists the diameter as slightly smaller as well (from 1.5″ to 1.65″). This is definitely not a toy for the size queen. While I may have mentioned in the past that I am definitely looking forward to some larger toys, I have always had problems with rotating rabbits, which are simply too long.

It’s a rather cute toy. Mine came in a translucent purple which looks really neat. The shaft has several ‘bulges’ which give it a sort of caterpillar look and that matches the butterfly theme in my mind. The head is the largest part of the shaft, and it is crowned with 9 of the little ticklers. The elastomer is very soft; you can easily stretch the ticklers, and when the bullet is turned on, the butterfly’s antennas and wings flap pretty crazily.

During use, I found insertion to be pretty easy, as expected. I wasn’t sure how the little ticklers would feel. It was something akin to tickling and not painful or uncomfortable at all but not necessarily mind-blowing. It was just different to use something with a little more texture, and it might have made the toy feel slightly girthier.

Controlled by 2 sliding switches, I was wary about one issue I had with my Rabbit Habit and the same type of control. When both functions were turned on high, they were not as strong as when just one function was turned on. I think that is still the case here but it’s definitely not as noticeable. It’s still not my favourite type of control pack, however.

Aside from the smaller stature, there’s also another difference between the Rock Your World and many similar vibes: there is a vibrating bullet in the head as well as the clit stimulator. The rotating toys I have tried generally do not also vibrate in the shaft and the placement in the head will probably make this perfect for G-spot stimulation for many ladies.

But I am a specific lady with specific needs. How did I feel? I thought the shorter shaft was a plus. It wasn’t beating up my cervix uncomfortably, but it wasn’t mind-blowing either. Keep in mind that I have yet to stimulate my G-spot pleasurably. Most of the time, the rotating shaft was just there.

I think the bendable wire was stronger than the Rabbit Habit because it stayed straight the whole time. You can bend this toy at a 90-degree angle, and it will still rotate. Why anyone would want to use a toy that way, I don’t know. Ceiling fans generally do not belong in my vagina. LOL In fact, I think this is better quality overall.

As for the vibrating parts, I was a little letdown. Considering that this thing takes 3AA batteries – insertion was a breeze but the cap could come off – it just wasn’t enough. I have come to love the mega bullet on the Passion Wave and, in comparison, the one on the Rock Your World vibe was much smaller and less powerful. Still, there was a nice variety of speeds for someone who likes build-up. I also would have liked slightly stiffer parts on the butterfly. His wings and little nubbies on his underside were too soft and floppy to provide much stimulation.

I haven’t used a lot of toys made out of elastomer, which is rather softer than many of the silicone toys I like, so I think I’m just not used to something so soft. Pairing this with the fact that I like a lot of pressure, and I wasn’t really wowed by the feel of the toy. The elastomer didn’t seem to have a bad smell, though. Unfortunately, it does pick up a bit of lint and has also started to smell like the uber-smelly Meta-Jelly Heart On Vibe I reviewed a while back because I kept them in the same box. Obviously, this isn’t an anal toy, but I would definitely worry that elastomer would pick up some unfriendly scents.

I never really noticed the vibrating head. I think the rotation made it difficult to discern something else as well. In fact, it wasn’t until taking this toy out to review that I actually realized it had a third function. It might be better to give it a separate control or to actually point it out on the package. However, I think I probably would enjoy this toy less if it didn’t have the third function.

My final grade is that this toy comes up short. (Pardon the fun). While it was definitely an improvement over my previous experience with a Vibratex toy, I think I just want something a little more. I was a little frustrated after using this and switched to, you guessed it, the Passion Wave.

A larger, stronger bullet in the clit stimulator would be the first improvement I would make in the Rock Your World vibrator and would likely overshadow any other complaints (because I’m a clit girl). I think I’ve exhausted all the options when it comes to rotating vibes. I know now they’re just not for me. However, I think this could be a great warm-up/foreplay toy or good for someone who isn’t so demanding of their sex toys or likes a softer touch. It’s feminine appeal really makes it seem like a great first toy for someone who wants to venture into something new. However, my experience leads me to believe that Vibratex greatly marks up the prices of their toys.

9 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe

March 1st, 2009

Tera Patrick's Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

I guess I’m a size queen and this is a good thing because Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe is a large toy. It is definitely not for the weak at heart. Yet, even despite its monster size, I found myself wanting more: more power, more size, more quality.

Even before I had removed this toy from the package (which features, of course, Tera Patrick herself), I noticed the size. At 9″ long and with a circumference of 4 3/4″, it certainly rivals the larger of my toys. I also noticed that the vibrator wasn’t quite as pretty as it appeared in images. In pictures, it definitely shines more. The images across the web also differ in lightness, so it must be a hard colour to photograph; I found that the images of Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe on PinkCherry.com are a bit lighter than the toy actually is.

Once out of the package, I was immediately accosted by the strong scent of the Meta-Jelly material. It wasn’t rubbery in the slightest; rather, it smelled a bit metallic and sickeningly sweet – like Dr Pepper in a can. I know it’s a strange description, but it was a strange smell. And strong! I had it out for a bit, but the toy stunk up the whole living room, and the smell clung to my hands. Because of this, I put it away for several weeks before breaking it out again.

I was really reluctant to use a toy that smelled so horribly and I wondered how inferior this material must be. I usually do not care about the material of my sex toys a whole lot but it was impossible to ignore that this isn’t a super hygienic material. Meta-Jell is some derivative of jelly (thus porous – using a condom between partners is a must and not a bad idea in general) and a mixture of some sort of metal which gives it a slightly metallic appearance. It’s still soft like jelly and the tip of this toy has some flex to it (the jelly sleeve extends past the hard vibrator).

I finally broke this toy out, gave it 3 or 4 washings, and let it air for several days before using it. My entire bathroom smelled like Meta-Jelly for those days, albeit the scent did decrease (even if it was painstakingly slow in its decrease). But I was determined to give Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe at least one try so that I could give it a fair review. Although I am usually picky, I know many people would not have even given it that much time.

I was a bit anxious because I’d read a review that said this toy was simply too large. However, with a little lube, I found insertion wasn’t a big deal. Although this vibe is finished with an engorged head, the head is a bit tapered. I easily felt the raised, asymmetrical heart shapes internally, which is unusual. I usually cannot feel textures as well as I would like, so this was a nice change from the usual. However, I would not recommend fast or hard thrusting because it quickly becomes uncomfortable, even painful. Slow, luxurious thrusts are what I enjoyed best with Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe.

As I thrust this toy, I could not believe how much I enjoyed it! I could feel my body responding. In fact, I was wishing for something a little larger. Although full, I craved to be stretched, and Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe wasn’t large enough in that respect. However, I think most will be more than happy with the size of this vibrator and some will likely find it much too daunting, too.

When it came to the vibrations, I turned this up to high (this vibe has a typical dial base) and was still disappointed. I was looking forward to something that would provide more sensations than I got. I think the MetaJelly did a decent job of transmitting the vibrations, but the motor, which is powered by 2 AAs and likes to turn on/off when inserting the batteries, just didn’t have enough power for me. I found myself super turned on, but this vibe was not going to send me over the edge, so I swapped it out for my Passion Wave stimulator to get the orgasms I craved.

Altogether, I think Tera Patrick’s Meta Jelly Heart-On Vibe has helped me learn what I like but I will look for something which is similar yet higher quality. I definitely want a stronger vibrator made of a material (like silicone) which does not have such an offensive scent and, depending on texture, I could go bigger. For other size queens, this vibrator might just do the trick but I’m holding out for something just a little bit more.

21 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Get up to 30% off at MysteryVibe

Symphony G-Harmony

February 25th, 2009

Symphony G-Harmony
from

This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.

I want to say right away that I don’t think the Symphony G-Harmony is necessarily a bad toy.  After all, I did enjoy it as a clit stimulator, and when I managed to find that “sweet” spot, it felt really good. However, finding that spot was not something which came easily or often.

I was interested in this little purple gem because I wanted to explore my G-spot. I had only had clitoral orgasms before so I did a little searching. I thought that most of those long G-spot wands looked dorky and, as usual, my sense of aesthetic took over. I must say, in that respect, the G-Harmony is amazing. Its translucent purple TPR really is gorgeous and the wave-like ridges at the tip seem to really fit the name for some reason. Plus, the base reminds me of a gemstone. The way this G-spot vibrator catches the eye is almost breathtaking, and I think I might even like the way it looks better than all of the rest of my toys.

Evolved also provides this toy with its typical classy packaging (a fancy metal box) – this time in red with black accents. This works well for store,ge but I do find it to be a bit bul,ky so I wouldn’t use it with a toy I use frequently (it would make a good storage case for a number of other items inside the bedroom and out); unfortunately, I will not be using this toy frequently.

The first issue I ran into was that this toy is a little girthier than many G-spot toys. In application, I couldn’t twist and turn it any which way to perfect my technique (or lack thereof LOL). I couldn’t go from different angles; this pretty much remained in one position. Now, I like my insertable toys to be significant in size, and if I were looking for a basic vibrator, I might like this size. But it wound up hindering my G-spot experimentation. I already knew my body seems to be as fickle as my mind can sometimes be, and I would need to be able to feel about a bit to find the perfect spot, but I just couldn’t with this toy. However; I don’t think that means everyone will run into the same problem.

My next approach was to use the flexibility of this toy to its utmost potential. Between the base and the tip (where the bullet is located), there is a certain amount of give and flexibility. A lot of G-spot toys seem to be firm the whole way through, and I originally liked this flexibility. The problem was the flexibility reduced the amount of pressure I was able to exert internally so I had to try to bend the toy against the back wall of my vagina so that the tip might curve back upward toward my G-spot. This didn’t work.

However, the flexibility was nice when it came to thrusting. When I slid the G-harmony out of my pussy, I could drag it across my clit in a curved path, before pushing it back in, and I did like this, but it wasn’t going to get me off. I was able to use the G-Harmony on my clit to get off, though, which was unexpected. Sadly, it wasn’t my goal.

Unfortunately, I have a tendency to break toys that had a flexible spot, and this wasn’t an exception. Although it’s still completely functional and beautiful, I (am pretty sure I) have just barely broken this vibrator, somehow. The flexible place is now a little floppy. While I can still use it, it certainly doesn’t help me achieve orgasm.

As the facts stacked up, I accepted that I was not going to have my first G-spot orgasm with this vibe. Although it looked and felt nice, it wasn’t extraordinary. I liked the vibrations inside and out; they were fairly powerful (without being over the top). Plus, the bullet location in the tip was a good thought, but it was just nice. Even the ridges that give this toy its aesthetic appeal really didn’t add up to much. I’m not sure if my vag is less sensitive than others, but I really couldn’t feel them once inserted.

One thing that consistently annoys me about Evolved products is that they like to put their buttons on the bottom. This makes it easy to use (push once for on, twice to increase the power, a third time to turn it on high, and again to turn it off) but I was constantly turning this toy off by accident. I have another Evolved toy that does the same.

On the other hand, I think Evolved has made some decent TPR products. The colour was gorgeously translucent, and I only noticed a slight scent. I have heard some TPR toys smell quite strongly and this wasn’t the case. The smell I noticed wasn’t rubbery or like chemicals; actually, it smelled vaguely of gasoline (and I’m one of those weirdos who like the smell).

One last note: I had a bit of difficulty with the battery pack at first. 2 AAs go into the pack, which slides out of the base of this toy. This makes it a little easier to insert, and I have no problem inserting the batteries into the pack. I did run into an issue because the pack has to go in a certain way, and this isn’t clearly marked. I didn’t realize this because I put it incorrectly because it went in pretty easily. But when I realized this, it was already stuck, and I had to pry it out with a spreading knife. LOL If you have an Evolved toy with a removable battery pack, take notice of the sizes of the ridges inside the toy when you’re putting it in.

I don’t hate this toy; I just don’t love it. I think my issues were not universal; it just wasn’t the best toy for a beginner’s G-spot exploration (because of its size), and the flexibility didn’t help as I initially thought it would. I was annoyed by my issues with the battery pack, and I think Evolved needs to stop putting push buttons on the bottom of their toys. Yet, the G-harmony is still good-looking and did provide me with nice clitoral stimulation. I hope that, one day, I can come back to the G-Harmony after I get to know my G-spot better, and we can be more harmonious together.

19 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Miracle Massager

February 21st, 2009

Miracle Massager
$55.59 from Store.OfSexAndLove.com

Psst, are you wondering if I still enjoy the Miracle Massager? Check out my updated thoughts in my “A Toy A Day” feature!

My methods of masturbation have always involved more pressure than vibration alone and I began to think that perhaps I didn’t even like vibration. Then I wondered if maybe the toys I was using simply weren’t strong enough and I began to seriously consider the wand style vibrators. Perhaps I simply needed something incredibly strong like the Hitachi, except I just couldn’t over how ugly most of those sex toys were and the resemblance to a microphone certainly was a turn off as well. So I opted for something I thought would be powerful enough, knowing I could always invest in Hitachi at a later point, but the Miracle Massager was better looking. And, with it’s black and red colour scheme and ergonomically curved handle, the Miracle Massage really is the best looking of this type of vibrator in my opinion.

I’m not sure if I can say the Miracle Massager is actually miraculous; nevertheless, it certainly is wonderful. The first day alone, I used it for at least 30 minutes. I used it until I simply couldn’t use it anymore, lest my vulva fall off. I ended up sweaty and tired and had numerous orgasms. You can probably tell I am a fan of the Miracle Massager. I’m glad I tried something different; I’ve been trying to expand from my normal toys and I’ve had a lot of different experiences. This is definitely one of the better ones.

So, how does this differ from insertable vibes? Well, it’s not insertable for one. It plugs in. It has a cylindrical, PVC head which is the only part which you use to stimulate yourself (the rest being handle) and the vibration is spread out over a larger surface. The head rests on a spring which allows movement, unlike some similar vibes. It’s ergonomically designed (the handle is curved). It’s much larger than most vibes. And it’s really freaking strong.

And are these differences notable? You betcha!

I’m a clit girl anyway so I wasn’t missing anything by not being able to insert the Miracle Massager. However, they are some insertable attachments. I would say this is the only real bone I have to pick: the Hitachi has a million quality attachments while the Miracle Massager has only a handful, most of which seem lame.

Relying on a cord plugged into the wall for power as opposed to batteries resulted in a lot stronger vibrations. The Miracle Massager has a high and low setting, the latter which seems to match the high setting on some of my battery powered toys and the former which is, well, much higher. So far, I’ve found the high setting to be the most pleasurable but I don’t like to use it on bare skin: I prefer the stimulation through a thin pair of yoga-type pants. The cord is something which does take a bit of adjustment. I have an outlet perfectly situated in the bedroom but I actually wound up pulling the plug out of the wall in my ‘throes of passion’ in the living room. I have since then made a mental note to use an extension cord. Overall, however, the cord has not been detrimental to my play time.

I actually don’t like pinpoint vibrations (again, the pressure) so I found the shape of the head to be amazing (PVC might not be the safest material, however. I also found that the red PVC seemed to pick up a black ‘stain’ – probably from the pants I wore while using this). I use this with the flat part of the head against my vulva and clitoris while the handle extends outward. I’m pretty sure it’s a unique way to use a toy like this but it allows me to apply a lot of pressure as well as use the..

Spring! This is definitely a highlight of the toy. The strong spring allows me to bend this toy as much as I need and also to apply a rocking sensation as I grind against the Miracle Massager. With many toys which have some bend/give, I wind up breaking them. I am happy to say this is not the issue. The spring is very thick and I have no fear of it breaking. Although the spring does not stick out, it’s not exactly covered so be wary of your hair which some have had pulled by the spring.

I had no issues with the design of the handle. It’s ridged and definitely easy to hold. Because you don’t need to lube it up, it doesn’t slip. The button slides from Off to Low or High and is easy to use. I’m not sure if it’s necessarily as ergonomic as the makers would likely have you believe but it is more appealing to the eye than straight handles.

Although the Magic Massager is larger than most toys, the box actually doesn’t suggest it. This toy comes in a rectangular cardboard box and sits inside a plastic tray. The box doesn’t waste a lot of space and I was actually surprised at how small it is. I was worried about the size and weight of this toy because my fingers and wrists can be lame but it has not been an issue.

And did I mention it’s strong? I don’t know if it can stand up to the Hitachi but it’s definitely the strongest toy I have used and works just fine for me.

A couple side notes – cleaning is really minimum because it’s not insertable and the head is smooth – just wipe down the head with toy cleaner, wipes or soap and water (on a washcloth probably). Storage is easy because I don’t have to worry about it not touching other toys and it seems to be pretty sturdy. I could easily shove it under the bed and not have to worry about it picking up lint. It doesn’t fit in my Devine Storage Box so that’s a shame but it’s not my biggest concern. Using for 30 minutes or more at a time, I have not experienced any uncomfortable (over)heating.

Overall, I have no real complaints about this toy. It provided me with everything I expected and the spring definitely put it into the “and more” category. It’s powerful, as attractive as these toys can be, and more affordable than some toys which do a whole lot of nothing. If you’re interested in something with souped up vibrations, definitely check out the Miracle Massager!

19 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

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Swingin’ Pendulum

February 19th, 2009

Swingin' Pendulum
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

When I picked out the Swinging Pendulum I was interested in triple stimulation. I’d just tried my first anal plug with a fair measure of success, and the “anal tingler” of this toy, paired with a thumb-like g-spot insertion and nubbed clitoral stimulator, seemed like a pretty package all wrapped up in pink. Unfortunately, there’s nothing swinging about this toy.

The Swingin’ Pendulum is little and cute – I would almost call it dinky. Made of hard plastic, the exterior of which is specially treated to result in a velvety texture (known as rubber/velvet cote), I liked how the Pendulum feels in my hand. Rubbercote can also be wiped down with an alcohol solution for sterilization or cleaned with soap and water.

This toy has a plug-in jack which, I think, is meant to make cleaning easier by allowing you to unplug the toy from the remote; the Swingin’ Pendulum is not waterproof. The remote control and battery pack felt alarmingly flimsy when empty, but the added weight of 2 AA batteries does improve this some. The remote features a dial control from “Off” to the highest “On” setting.

This sex toy is made up of 3 stimulators which combine to make the toy look like, well, a pendulum. The insertable, G-spot stimulator is thumb-shaped and curves slightly toward the front of the toy, where the G-spot would be. IT also has three pronounced rings toward the base. The clitoral stimulator makes up the front, bottom portion of the toy and has 2 rows of 3 evenly space nubs for a total of 6. I was initially put off of these nubs because they are hard. Finally, the anal stimulator tapers (like a.. tentacle?) and is topped off with a spherical knob.

Right out of the box (clear plastic with a half-naked blondie in the background – there isn’t a lot of useful information to be found), I tested out the vibrations. I had no problem inserting batteries or using the dial. The vibrations, which are centered in the bottom of the pendulum but translate to the insertable thumb pretty well, start off pretty mild, and as I turned them up, the vibrations changed smoothly without being too jerky. There is a light on the control pack which starts dim and grows much brighter as you turn up the vibrations and I suppose this would be nice in the dark. On the highest setting, this light makes the entire top half of the control glow.

One thing I found was that, at some point near maximum vibration, this toy starts to go wild. The vibrations become really shaky and unstable feeling, the light flickers a lot and the toy sounds as though it’s going to explode. I’m so not even kidding. It sounds like it’s really straining, as though California Exotic tried really hard to add some higher settings but this little toy just couldn’t handle it.

Testing aside, I wasn’t impressed. I didn’t realize how difficult to use and uncomfortable the Swingin’ Pendulum would be. My personal experience was that the clitoral stimulator was much too short to reach my clit unless I did something akin to the Hokey Pokey. The anal stimulator was also short and oddly placed so it simply sat between my cheeks and there was little vibration to be felt there. The G-spot stimulator carried the vibration the best but it wasn’t doing anything spectacular. I couldn’t even feel the nubs or rings and I wasn’t able to insert the toy as far as I would have liked because of its shape. The velvet cote mattered not to my girl parts.

The hard plastic has absolutely no give and, by now, I know there is no “one size fits all” when it comes to sex toys. I think a more giving material, like silicone, would make much more sense. Being able to adjust the clitoral and anal stimulators would have made this experience much more pleasant.  There was really only one part of this toy that did what it was supposed to, but I already have better G-spot vibrators.

Overall, this was a disappointing toy and experience. After using it, I actually felt a bit sore. The hard plastic meant I couldn’t grind against or rub the toy on me without it being painful. I could only really use it lying down (I thought I might be able to use it sitting, inside my panties) without it being uncomfortable and pinchy. Lastly, I took a closer look at the Swingin’ Pendulum and saw that it was not seamless; there were cracks and gaps where the pieces of the toy fit together, and I imagine this would be a perfect place for bacteria to hide – thus making this toy less sanitary than I’d like.

If you’re looking for triple stimulation or G-spot toys, there are many better options, including Mona.

14 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.