I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while, but I haven’t. It’s not that it’s all that difficult to admit, I just don’t know what the point of it is. Nothing will change, you’ll just know, but here goes.
If we were to rate all people on an attractiveness scale of one to ten, they would span the range. Most people would not be a ten. I think many people would be in the range of four to six. Some people are especially unattractive, while others are unbelievably attractive. However, as any grocery store checkout rack can show you, even someone who we think of stunning looks far less perfect on a bad day, without makeup, pre-Photoshop, et cetera. Tabloids give us a brief glimpse into the humanity of our idols.
So, when I rate people from one to ten, I usually reserve ten. My scale actually ends at nine. Like rating a vibrator, only a plug-in massager will have a “Vroom” of five. If that. So, somehow, we’ve rated all the people in the world on the scale, and you and I agree. It’s unlikely, but that’s our situation.
In this situation I will, undoubtedly, only find people who fall upwards of five attractive. In reality, I really only like a seven through nine. I naturally find only fairly attractive people to be attractive at all. I have a hard time with people of average attraction, where I would categorize myself on any given day–although, I’ve been known to reach eight a time or two.
So there’s my problem. Most people are average, but I’m not attracted to average. On a daily basis, I find few people good looking. It’s the same when I’m browsing OkCupid. According to my horoscope, it’s a Gemini thing. I don’t place too much significance on those sorts of things, but hey, maybe there’s something to it. Maybe not. Either way, I feel as though I am naturally attracted to a small selection of people, and I wish my tastes were more varied, but I don’t know how to change that.
I try not to write people off because of their looks, and it’s not as though I only associate with super attractive people, but I do note. I feel like I can’t help it, and I find it so incredibly difficult to even consider being more than friends with someone who is a four, a five.
I know this is limiting my pool of potential partners incredibly. I know that attraction is important, but I also know that it’s important to remember what’s on the inside, but focusing on personality is so difficult when I’m not attracted to a person who I’ve met for a first date.
The problem, however, isn’t just that. The problem is that, as a somewhat-attractive but a-little-plump woman, I feel like my sights are set on a demographic that wouldn’t naturally be attracted to me, anyway. If the world was full of above-average attractive people, I wouldn’t still have my pick of the litter, because they wouldn’t pick me right back.
This bothers me. I sometimes want to force myself to like the type of person who is
- a nice guy who is of average attractiveness
- someone who is more similar to my level of attraction, someone of whom I am deserving based on looks
So, I guess, I do the same thing to myself, which probably doesn’t help the situation. So, dear readers, am I stupidly shallow? Can this tigress change her stripes? Should I ignore my natural urges and date a bunch of nice guys to whom I’m not attracted to begin with? Or do I just keep searching in hopes that some Clark Kent-type will also want me?
I’m a pretty shallow person when it comes to dating. I’ve lowered my standards in the past but when the sexual attraction isn’t there it just doesn’t work out. You’re welcome to try lowering them, but from what I’ve experienced you’ll probably just end up unhappy. I’m sure there’s a nice, attractive guy who will find you attractive in turn.
Attraction is attraction. If you aren’t physically attracted, you just aren’t. Men tell each other and themselves that all the time. Women in our society are conditioned to give people a second chance so it makes us think we’re shallow if we don’t give a second look to those we don’t find attractive.
Stick with pursuit of those with mutual attraction.
Mutual attraction is a problem in itself. The type of guys I am attracted to are enough out of my league to make me terrified of pursuing them. And there’s so few of them to begin with. Ugh.