This is an archived review of a discontinued toy.
Lordy, has it ever taken me forever to sit down to this review. If you didn’t guess from the name and picture, this rabbit vibrator is in Digital Playground’s line of Pirates-inspired toys. All of them are extremely artistic, and the thought that went into creation and design is really astounding. I’m not sure why the toys are out now (DVD release, maybe?) but it’s hard to miss them at any retailer.
So let me start by saying that Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe is heavy on the detail. The base is made of a hard, velvety plastic in a deep rosey pink. On either side is a “decal” featuring a stylized cross between two “ropes.” Around the top of the base, below where the shaft starts, are two rows of orange rhinestones.
And then there’s the shaft in a translucent pink TPE. The first third of the shaft, next to the base, has a stylized pirate skull embossed into it with some surrounding details. We are talking major texture here (although, this portion isn’t insertable with the clitoral stimulator being there and all). The clit stim is, literally, crafted to look like a cannon on a rolling platform with the barrel pointing toward the end the toy. It’s the barrel that will rest against the clitoris during use.The design is a little different from your typical rabbits and the clit stim extends about 1.25″ from the base. Although the sides and back of the cannon have some texture, the part that will actually touch the body is smooth, except for a single ridge that goes around the end of the cannon.
This portion of the shaft ends with an embossed “rope” that encircles the shaft. Then the TPE is smooth for about 1.75.” Behind this portion of TPE, the rotating beads sit and you can see them pretty clearly through the smooth TPE.
The last third of the shaft starts with another embossed rope and, above that, more texture can be found. The head of the shaft is curved, for G-spot stimulation, I’d guess, and stylized so it looks like the curved butt of those old-fashioned pirate pistols. There are swirly lines and a starburst-y pattern, among other textures. Now, don’t think about it too much because you’ll realize it makes no sense for this cannon vibe to have a handle like that and, even if it did, it shouldn’t be on that end. You see, you’d be shooting yourself. But, like I said, pay no attention to logic.
By this point, I’d be halfway done with most of my reviews. The reason I’ve spent so much attention on this detail is simply because there is a lot of it and it will effect your experience. I can’t say for sure whether it will be a negative or positive impact but this is the type of texture that you just cannot miss. I absolutely recommend using a fuckton of lube (water or silicone) with the Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe to ease insertion and prevent pain.
To add to the texture, this isn’t a tiny vibe. The girth around the smooth portion is 1.59.” It definitely has a decent size, and with the texture around the last third, the girth is probably even a bit larger. There are 4.5″ that you can insert but, I’ll be honest, I thought it felt like so much more. Perhaps because of the girth or texture or because the cannon barrel is shorter than most rabbit clit stims, but it was just so.. there.
Size-wise, I wasn’t really fulfilled. I say that playfully because I definitely was filled, but the size and curve of the shaft weren’t the best to reach my clit, nor was the clit stim super effective. The cannon barrel is a chunk of squishy TPE, so it doesn’t move like rabbit ears, nor can you really get a lot of pressure from it.
The vibrations were also a little lackluster, which I should have known. This will probably be the last toy I get that uses AAAs because they never satisfy me. This rabbit takes 4 (in an easy load type pack, the battery cap screws on, and there’s a prominent O-ring), but the output is just pathetic. When you push the power button, both functions turn on. The shaft and beads rotate simultaneously while the clit stim vibrates. There’s a single button to page through vibration modes (low, medium and high) but the vibes are so high pitched that all the steady modes feel pretty similar and the pulsation modes are nothing to write home about either. There are 7 vibration settings altogether.
The other button adjusts the speed of rotation, of which there are three speeds. There’s also two sort of pulsing rotation settings. That’s pretty unique but it’s overwhelmed by the vibration, size and texture in my opinion. I do not specifically recall if I could stop the rotation with my PC muscles but I wouldn’t doubt it, considering the source. I tend not to try it with larger or super textured toys, though, because it hurts.
The functions are interesting and I have a few thoughts about them. One, when you turn off the toy (with the master power switch), it takes a few seconds for the rotation to stop and it still makes noise while it’s stopping. That’s a bummer. Secondly, you cannot have just the vibrations or just the rotation on. Another bummer. It’s not ridiculously loud though. With both functions on the highest setting, it’s still much quieter than the Miracle Massager and it’s quieter in use, as the body absorbs some of the sound.
Like most rabbits, Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe is weight and lacks balance. I think the gobs of TPE used to create the details only adds to that, sadly. The long base (the toy is over 10″ long in total) on this one is a bit difficult to use with my short arms. I find that I have to pull the base upwards to grasp it well and this results in the shaft pulling away from any sensitive spots. This is something that frequently occurs with rabbits, however.
Just to cover a few basics, you can easily wash this one with soap and water but will have to carefully scrub around the texture. There is a storage bag included, but the shiny TPE tends to stick on the material during insertion or removal, so it’s not as practical as I’d like.
So, my final thoughts are like this: Digital Playground has created some really unique movie merchandise, but, like most movie merchandise, I feel like Janine’s Cannon Fire Pirates Rabbit Vibe would be better left in its box, on the mantel shelf than actually put to use. In fact, some true movie merchandise might have been more useful than sex toys.
