Body and Soul Connection Vibrator

August 18th, 2012

Body & Soul Connection

Body & Soul Connection
$25 from Amazon

This vibe either looks like the eyeball guy from Aah! Real Monsters or a laser robot from the video game Portal. The latter is exactly why I requested to review it, even though another model in the line up looks slightly more turret-like. Unfortunately, all the reasons that would have caused me to pass up this sex toy are exactly the reasons I should have.

It took me less than thirty seconds to realize this, honestly. The vibrations, powered by 2AAA batteries are super buzzy. Although it’s easy enough to switch through them with the single button, there’s not much difference between any of the settings, except for the horrible whine that I could hear over music that I was listening to at the moment. This was common in Lelo’s old toys, but it bugs me whether a toy costs less than $50 or more than $100.

The vibrations are so buzzy that I wouldn’t be surprised if someone told me this was powered by watch batteries. In fact, my body simply stopped being able to feel the vibrations after a few seconds. I kid you not. While the rabbit-ear-like attachments are flexible and rounded in a way that surrounds the clitoris nicely, but the depth of the vibrations is simply too high-pitched to to anything. Honestly, I think I might have liked this a bit more, if the vibrations had been deeper. I’m not surprised that they weren’t. Some folks would suggest that this is “Great for newbies”, but I just can’t see how this vibe is all that good for anyone. Does a person exist who is really, honestly that sensitive?!

Still, while I don’t normally like fluttering rabbit ears, the arms on this guy are a little less flexible. They don’t flop back and forth, and they’re wider, so they really hug my clit in a way that could be effective. I usually like pressure, though, and this design really doesn’t offer that. However, I do like that the single push-button works well when you turn the toy around. There’s technically two ways you can hold this flat against your body/around your clit, and this lets you find the best position for the button.

Connection's annoying battery packThis toy is kind of like the less awesome version of the Form 2, which I already didn’t like and have recently swapped away. The plastic base is round, and this toy is bigger so it’s easier for me to hold. However, you have to twist the bottom directly off from the top to insert the (useless) batteries. The whole thing is awkward, and it uses that quarter-twist style that I always have trouble lining up. Plus, the batteries sit in there vertically, without much support. They fall out pretty easily. Obnoxious, dudes.

At least Jimmyjane got the quality down. The Connection has soft silicone up top and shiny plastic on the bottom, and it’s not seamless in the least. In fact, there’s a visible line between the two portions of the toy, and it looks like a gout line full of gunk. Upon closer inspection, it’s not filled with gunk–thank God!–it’s just that the cut of the plastic is super sloppy. This toy feels low-quality now matter how you cut it.

Given the vibrations and the poor quality, I’m surprised by the MSRP. Luckily, sellers on Amazon offer this for less than half. I don’t know if I’d even spend $25 on this, but that’s a smaller hit to your wallet, if you’re convinced this will work for you.

Am I surprised though? Eh, not really. I almost always need something that uses AAs. The shape here does have some redeeming qualities, but it can’t overshadow all the things that bother me about the Body & Soul Connection.

CEN Sexpert

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Wanachi Rechargeable Massager

July 27th, 2012

Wanachi Rechargeable Massager

Wanachi Rechargeable Massager
$43.96 from Adult Sensations

I’m not going to lie, part of the reason I requested to review the Wanachi Rechargeable Massager is simply because I remember them showcasing it on that one sex toy shopping TV show, the name of which completely escapes me now. I can literally hear one of the hostesses talking about it and, you know, I thought it might be nice to have a rechargeable full-size massager. Both of mine, while powerful and small, require me to tether myself to the outlet. I have pulled my Miracle Massager cord out of the outlet more than once, guys.

As is there were any doubt from the name, this is Pipedream’s Hitachi knockoff. There’s really not much difference as far as I can tell; although I’ve never used a Hitachi. I don’t think I would want to now, to be honest. The box for this vibrator was huge because, well, the vibrator itself isn’t a petite thing. It’s heavier, longer and wider than my Miracle Massager… even combined with my Inspire. I was just not prepared for this monstrosity. The head of this massager is like the size of my fist.

I also wasn’t surprised for it to be charged. I’ve gotten lucky with toys that way, lately. They usually aren’t but this one was. A slider switch let me easily move between the two settings.. and I was immediately disappointed. The vibrations on the lower setting weren’t any stronger than some vibes that take 2AAs or 3 or 4 AAAs. They weren’t as buzzy, sure, but they were just plain weak. Any of the Jopen vibrators blow this one right out of the water.

On the high setting, it wasn’t quite so bad… but it was still like the low on my Miracle Massager or Inspire. The vibrations of the Wanachi Rechargeable Massager were so lackluster that I plugged it in, thinking maybe it wasn’t charged all the way. Unfortunately, it was.

I wish my disappointment ended there, but it doesn’t. I was resting this hulk (hey, they should make it green!) against my clit, and the edge of the head was doing okay for me, when it just died. Now, I think I’d gotten off once or twice, and I sort of wasn’t paying attention as I finished The Great Gatsby, but the vibrator died well within 30 minutes. That’s right, after I double-charged the thing, it just died.

Now, I wish I could say “whoa! these guys says I should get 3 hours of time,” but I can’t. Honestly, the product description is so freakin’ vague. I’m not sure what the advertised amount of usage is, or how long Pipedream recommends that I charge this vibrator for. Regardless, it wasn’t strong, small, quiet or long-lived enough for my tastes. The only way in which this massager really didn’t disappoint me is with its flexible neck. It’s super flexible. Way more than the Inspire.

I think you might assume that it’s as strong as the Hitachi, but it’s just not. If you want cord-free, take any vibrator that runs on 2AAs. It’ll do you better than the Wanachi Rechargeable Massager, by far.

[Edit]

Oh my god, you guys. This thing is a fuckin’ zombie. I accidentally bumped it on my nightstand, and it works again! I didn’t charge it, I just turned it on and it worked. I’ve been able to get a few more sessions of use out of it. While it’s still weaker than you’d expect, it apparently works longer. I just don’t know why. Perhaps it overheated the first time, which is definitely not a sign of quality. Your guess is as good as mine.

4 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Tantus Splish

July 10th, 2012

Tantus Splish

Tantus Splish
$39.99 from SheVibe

Sometimes Tantus makes two very similar toys, like the Flurry and Cush, and you have to try them both to see which one is the best fit. Sometimes they make two toys with a design as similar as the sizes differ. This is the case with the Splish and the Splash. The splish makes a little splish, were you to throw it in a lake. Although, that would be a waste of good silicone. Both dildos have this awesome drippy candle-waxy appearance that is aesthetically pleasing and super easy to feel when inserted. It works really well with the radiant of the silicone, too. These dildos are fucking works of art, man.

The major difference is that Splish is just 4.5″ long and 1″ in diameter. That’s way less than half and inch. It’s tiny, like a finger. In fact, it doesn’t even seem 4.5″ long. It’s a squishy little bugger that you can bend right in half. See Tantus’ comparison photo here. It’s perfect for beginning anal play, but even with a flared base you probably won’t want to use it in a harness. Unless it’s a knee harness. Leverage.

The selling point is that the tiny size lets you hit exactly the right spot and it’s super flexible, too. Don’t let the straight shaft make you think it’s not a G-spotter. On the other hand, while I can easily fell the textures, it wasn’t necessarily pleasurable. It was more business than pleasure. Not my favorite type of G-spot stimulation, if you know what I mean.

The little ridges do make it slightly harder to clean than a smooth shaft, but not much. The shaft itself is pretty glossy and will attract lint, but the base is more of a matte texture. I don’t feel it during use, but it feels interesting while I wash it.

It’s interesting because I really thought I’d prefer the Splish. The Splash just seemed too much, but I think I’m leaning in that direction. Of course, if you need a Tantus toy to fit in your purse, you could do much worse than this one. Like the Delta, for example. SheVibe sells the Splish for a great price, too.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Lelo Tiani 2

July 7th, 2012

Lelo Tiania 2

Lelo Tiania 2
$159 from Lelo

I’m not sure what took me so long to get this review out. Perhaps it’s because I hate repeating myself, and I’ve already reviewed the original Tiani. So what you need to know is that this is the same vibrator, plus power, a second attachment. There’s a few minor tweaks, but the Tiani is mostly the same toy. If you hated it before, you probably won’t love it this go around. If you wished the vibrations were deeper, they’re still not, and if you think the whole idea is stupid, well, it’s still the same idea. But here’s what I do like about the Tiani 2:

  • It’s stronger. The PR material says 55% stronger, but I thin kit’s more. The vibrations are still surface level, but it takes my body a little longer to become “immune.” I can actually tell the thing is on.
  • The second attachment works much better for my anatomy. The other one is slightly bulbous toward the end, where this one is a little more flat and concave. Ultimately, it feels like it’s cupping my G-spot more, and while this toy isn’t necessarily intended for thrusting, it works better this way… for me. I was actual to squirt pretty easily.
  • The flatter attachment might also be easier, if you’re having trouble with penis or toy insertion while using the Tiani 2, too. (Tutu, hehe).
  • You don’t need the remote for this one. If you’re just playing by yourself, you can press the button on the Tiani itself to go through the settings. You have more control with the remote, which is still something of a gimmick IMO, but this is a nice option.

SenseMotion is novel but not practical in the least. Thank god Lelo still allows you to use the remote normally but there’s two super weird settings you have to pass first. For starters, the first mode relies on the position of the remote. Flip it vertically to raise vibrations, back down to lower them. The controller itself vibrates to offer feedback to the user. That’s kind of a neat idea but also means the controller makes noise so that limits where and when you might be able to use the SenseMotion toys, in my opinion. In the first mode, a back and forth movement simulates pulsation. Well, sort of. There’s this bit delay of between movement and the vibration in the Tiani and it’s hard to get a good rhythm going.

The second mode, which you can activate by pressing the middle of three buttons, simply requires you to move the controller faster to increase the intensity of the vibrations. This means, that if you want to use the vibrations at the highest setting, you need to shake it pretty good.. which also works against it being inconspicuous as so many wireless vibrators aim to be. It’s also tiring and annoying.

The third mode is one where you simply press the + arrow to increase vibrations and the – arrow to decrease. It’s the one I like the most because it makes sense and doesn’t require too much concentration. I wish the controller turned onto this mode instead. There are eight settings, including pulsation and escalation and I swear the controller is more powerful than the Tiani itself.

  • You can control two Tianis with a single remote. This is a really interesting feature, and I think I need to have a threesome now, okay? However, I don’t really have the opportunity to fully explore the improvements with the range and such.

However, I do think that Lelo has overestimated the “two attachments” thing. It’s really the main one and another. “One extra” would sound more appropriate to me. Additionally, there’s still a couple of annoying things:

  • Tiani’s remote requires batteries. I found them in the box this time, though. So yay..?
  • The cover is finicky and requires a little key to open it. I chipped the paint off of mine, because the stupid cover is just cheap. Seriously, guys, cheap. Cheap. CHEAP! I feel like I’m going to break it by just looking at it.
  • Tiani 2 still comes with too much junk. I’m so over the fancy sex toy boxes, guys. Give me some cardboard and let me toss it, mmkay?

So, what do I say? Yay or nay? I still like the WeVibe better, but if you need something less powerful or if you’re heart’s set on this Lelo toy, definitely get the Tiani 2 over the original.

You’re welcome.

 

3 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Vanity by Jopen – Vr4.5

June 23rd, 2012

Vanity by Jopen - Vr4.5
$152.99 from EdenFantasys

I am just not having much luck with the Jopen vibes, but I really want to. The most recent round that the company released use the .5 naming. That is, version 4.5, 5.5, et cetera. It’s kind of cute but also kind of confusing, because it doesn’t seem like the 4.5, which I received, is actually halfway between versions 4 and VR5, and that’s exactly what I’d expect that sort of nomenclature to denote. Whatever.

So, the 4.5 is far different from the Jopen toys I’ve tried before. It’s a rabbit style vibrator, but both the clitoral attachment and the 5″ shaft are quite flexible, which might be good if you tried a similar vibrator–Lelo’s Ina comes to mind–but the design pressed too hard against you. Additionally, the clitoral arm isn’t just a rounded nut, but it has a little extension of silicone that vibrates wildly back and forth when the motor is on, the like rabbit ears of olden days. I always preferred pressing the actual bullet of rabbit vibes against my clit, but others enjoy this lighter, tickly sensation, so the 4.5 brings it back.

The vr 4.5 does many things the same. For example, each part has its own motor and the two buttons let you operate them independent of one another. You press and hold the buttons to increase vibrations, which are only steady, and a single click turns them back off. It’s a style that feels intuitive and that I like, but because it’s so uncommon, I always have to adjust to it again. The vibrations are damned powerful, even if I didn’t charge the thing the whole way. The silicone is velvety and the whole thing is rechargeable. The design is intended to be water-resistant, but I had enough time out of water, thank you very much.

And that’s do to another similarly. Like the other Jopen toys I tried, the shaft is very thin near the base but becomes this big bulbous thing at the end. It’s not huge. The diameter is only 1.5″ at the widest, but the way it grows, couples with the rigidity, means a very painful experience for me. This is nothing new. I have a rather pronounced pubic bone, I think, but it sucks nonetheless. The vibrator and my bones keep fighting for space that just doesn’t exist! Although there is a slightly squishy silicone cover over the shaft, the interior is dead rigid, and this just isn’t the toy for my anatomy.

However, insertion is probavbly more uncomfortable when you factor in just how flexible the base of the shaft is. The toy doesn’t want to slide in; it keeps bending this way and that. So I applied lube –water-based only with these silicone vibes–and more and more and more.. and it just wasn’t working. I think the flexibility sounds good on paper, but doesn’t work so well in practice.

I could just repeat that last sentence for the clitoral stimulator. I find it to be really awkward. While the Vr 4 had an overly-short clit stimulator, this one seems too long. I mean, it’s over half the length of the shaft itself, so it just bunches up awkwardly against my fleshly vulva, and neither the bulbous vibrator nor the soft tickler makes contact where it should. The Vr4.5 is just not meant for my body, it would seem. I’m thinking maybe the Vr3 or 7 are my best bets at this point.

The Vr4.5 is also purple. I don’t mind the purple, but I’m a little sick of it. I think the sheen of this would look great in blue. This vibe comes in a minimal box that’s easy to recycle, and there’s a drawstring bag for storage, along with the wall charger. The bags are so big that they’re unwieldy, in my opinion, but others like them.

1 Comment

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Cutey Wand

June 22nd, 2012

Cutey Wand

Cutey Wand
$10.43 from Store.OfSexAndLove.com

I don’t own very many wands. There used to be, like, two: the Hitachi and the Hitachi knockoff. Now, there’s a lot. There’s luxury ones, rechargeable wands and mini options, like the Cutey Wand. So, the Cutey Wand. It’s tiny and got little jewels on the end. I’ll give it cute. I’ll give it wand-shaped. The naming isn’t spectacular by any means, but it’s not quite as annoying as we’ve all seen.

When I say tiny, I mean slightly longer than my finger. This is a pretty travel-friendly toy, if you only consider size. There dial base isn’t the easiest to accidentally turn on while sitting in your purse, but there’s no lock feature. Like the larger cousins, the Cutey Wand has a flexible head. It’s extremely flexible, in fact. You might not like this if you like a lot of pressure, which I do.

The head has a soft silicone casing with ridges along the side. I have to be honest, I’m not sure what the ridges are supposed to do. They’re visually interesting.. sort of, but they don’t add anything. I’m more likely to use the very top of the head or maybe the top edge. The head doesn’t have as much of a surface area as a larger wand, but I’m probably going to hold it in place rather than move it so I can feel the texture. It’s also potentially a place for you to miss when cleaning the wand, which is a bit frustrating.

However, cleaning is much easier, because the Cutey Wand is water resistant. You don’t want to try to drown it, but you can breathe easy that you’re not going to break if it you rinse of some gunk under the faucet. This is thanks to the O-ring at the end of the battery compartment, which easily screws on.

And those batteries? They’re six watch batteries. If they fall out, it’s really a hassle to get them back in there. You might consider just throwing it away once you use up the batteries, because it’s such a pain. Because the wand uses tiny watch batteries that won’t last forever, I can see this being the type of vibe that winds up in the bottom of some drawer after you use up the included batteries. It’s probably not a good selling point, but it’s true.

Those six batteries take up enough space that Blush Novelties could’ve just used a single AAA or AA. That would probably offer more power. The vibrations are advertised as powerful, but they’re quite buzzy. The few extra batteries are an improvement over those tiny bullets, but there’s not enough variation between the lower and highest settings. Of course, this one doesn’t have any pulsation or other settings, which is fine by me. I usually find them forgettable.

So, aside from size, I’m not really floored by the cutey wand. At the very least, I want something stronger, and even if I were okay with the vibrations, the sheer number of required batteries is ridiculous. I mean, you have to buy two threes backs every time your vibrator dies. That’s not cool, man, not cool.

11 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Picobong Moka

June 9th, 2012

PicoBong Lelo

PicoBong Lelo
$59 from PicoBong

I could probably tell you to save some time by reading this review and send you over to Lilly’s, because we came to most of the same conclusions. This was my first Picobong toy, and I’ve declined to review them in the past because they seemed too weak for me. I generally prefer toys that have more power than AAA batteries have to offer, but I was also intrigued by the shape of the Moka. It’s similar to the Ella or Gigi, other toys by Lelo that people have really liked in the past. Since I hadn’t had a chance to try the shape, I figured the Moka would be a chance to do so.

In fact, this toy is retailing from $42 to $60, so it’s much cheaper than the Gigi. Although, the Ella still costs a pretty penny less, if you don’t need vibration. The Moka consist of a curving shaft and an intensely angled head that is larger than the shaft. The head is pretty “long”, I guess you’d call it, from the side. This toy definitely hooks onto your pubic bone. So, while it’s not very wide at any point. The widest point of the shaft is 1.5″, and I’d guess that’s the head itself. The curving shaft tapers to a narrow 1″ just below the head; although, the base is slightly thicker. All in all, it’s not amazingly large.

But my G-spot hated it. The shape is just not.for.me. I can almost guarantee it’s because of my protruding pubic bone, but I think I’d personally be better off with any straight vibe. I know that other people will like the shape, but I can’t. Ever. With that said, Lilly liked it because it was larger than the Gigi, so you might agree with her.

The vibrator is coated with a velvety silicone. It’s more smooth and rigid on the shaft, but there’s a tad bit more give on the head. It’s nice to hold. I got mine in the bright blue, and it’s super fun. Very Spring-like. As I mentioned, 2AAAs insert into the base. The cap has ridges, I assume to help you grip it. It’s not the type that unscrews, through. It simply does a slight turn to lock into place. I really hate this type of battery cover. It’s finicky to get into place and they don’t always click or make a sound to let you know. I’d rather screw the cap on a couple times. Aside from that, battery insertion was fine.

To control the Moka, you press the buttons on the bottom of the shaft. Now, technically, they’re where you might insert the vibe. Folks going for G-spot stimulation might not insert it more than a few inches, but the entire 6″ or so of the shaft is not technically insertable because of this, not if you want to change settings, anyway. Three buttons exist. One to increase strength, one to decrease and another to switch modes. The buttons are raised from the shaft, so they’re easy to find. They also make an audible clicking sound.

Moka’s vibrations are buzzy and make my hand tickle, but they’re stronger than I expected. There are eight levels of standard vibration and many pulsation and escalating modes. I couldn’t count them all. There were too many that were too similar, and it seems like I needed to sometimes push the mode button two or three times to get it to change, which is frustrating. My finger needs to push from exactly the right angle; otherwise, it stays on the same setting. That’s pretty frustrating, but it’s nothing like my Mimi.

On a few of the special modes, the motor did that horrible ‘digital whine’ that used to occur with all Lelo toys. This is incredibly disappointing. It’s a bit loud, in terms of buzzing, to begin with, but that sound is like nails on a chalkboard to me. If someone asks what sound makes me want to gouge my eyes out, I’d reply with “Lelo’s whiny motors.” It doesn’t bug everyone, but it might make your dog go insane.

Before I wrap this up, I must explain the confusion that is the keychain/cellphone decoration. There’s a loop on the end of the Moka, and the toy comes with a little PicoBong logo attached to a nylon cord that is looked through it. It’s like a cellphone decoration, if you had a cell phone when you were 13 (please don’t do this as an adult. It makes you look like a joke!), but it reminded me of a keychain. It felt like I should use it to hang my PicoBong from my keys or wallet or belt loop and carry it around on my person. It obviously has to go, because it would be annoying, at least, during use. I’ll probably throw it away.

So, Moka. It’s not for me, but I can see why someone else might like it, and it’s probably a better bargain than Gigi.

4 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.