Gyrating Sensations Gyrating Hummer

March 8th, 2013

Gyrating Sensations Gyrating Hummer

Gyrating Sensations Gyrating Hummer
$18.29 from Of Sex and Love Store

I’ve come down with an awful cold, so this one’s going to be a quick one.

The gyrating hummer is not the type of vibe I’d pick for myself. You see, it’s weird shaped. I mean, I’m not into spoon/scoop shaped toys, and I don’t get the point of the little pokey dimple on the back. Whenever I look at this toy from the side, all I can imagine is a Shyguy — and not in the good way! Plus, for a toy that I wouldn’t want to insert, it just seems a little long for external use. It seems reasonable that CEN could save some time and materials by making this vibrator a little shorter. It doesn’t need to be longer than six inches. Then again, I just don’t get this whole “clit huggers” thing. Can someone please fill me in? Or not. I don’t really care. At least it doesn’t use AAA batteries.

So here’s some things that work in this toy’s favor:

  • It’s available in bright freakin’ green
  • The 2 AAs provide some surprisingly deep vibrations
  • It’s easy to use
  • The plastic cote is silky smooth and feels good to the touch
  • It has multiple modes
  • The pulsations are impressive
  • It’s water resistant with an O-ring around the battery pack

Really, I expected this to be a buzzy little thing, but the vibrations are impressively deep. They’re not the strongest ever, but I was taken aback. It makes me wish that I liked the shape better, but I just don’t. I don’t want to cup or surround my clit. I want firm pressure, which this toy just cannot provide.

But there’s plenty of things that suck about this toy:

  • The shape is just plain weird
  • You have to press the button for several loonnng seconds before it turns off
  • It rattles and is louder than I’d like
  • It uses one of those quarter-turn battery cap styles, which is a bitch to screw on
  • The silver band looks cheap
  • The vibrations could be stronger

Ultimately, however, it’s cheap. That’s what we gotta focus on. For less than $20, you really could do worse. If the shape somehow works for you, then go for it. I need something else, but I think I could have liked aspects of this toy if I hadn’t already tried hundreds.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Luxe Euphoria

January 29th, 2013

Luxe Euphoria

Luxe Euphoria
$30.64 from Of Sex and Love Store

In the past, I haven’t loved other Luxe toys I’ve tried. I think they’re all super cute, but they also only run on 2AAAs. That pretty much sums up my experience with the Luxe Euphoria.

And when I try to describe what this thing looks like, I just want to say:

If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and sounds like a duck.. it’s a vibrator?

I mean, it’s really got a face. California Exotics is taking a cue from the Japanese, I guess. There’s head and a little bill with which you can stimulate yourself. Maybe it’s a platypus. Then, it straightens out for you to hold it. It’s cute. I wouldn’t have picked out this shape, but something about it makes me smile despite myself. Like, maybe I want to do shadow puppets with it.

Sadly, I don’t really want to masturbate it because it’s just too weak for me. Yea, we all saw that coming. Two tiny batteries, and it barely feels like it’s turned on. Oddly enough, mine came with one of the tester batteries. I’m sure people will freak out about the toys being used, but they all get tested before sent out. Oh well, free battery?

I wish it was stronger, though, because that duck face could actually work. I can sort of curve my finger over the top of the head toward the bill, which gives me leverage for a little pressure. The bill offers pinpoint stimulation, which isn’t my favorite, but the silicone is firm with a little give. However, this means that my palm is over the controls. I have a hard time with buttons because I have to use my fingers for pressure and I want the buttons to be accessible but not exactly where I’m going to hold the toy down– I’m talking to you, Lelo.

CEN has gone with the two-button style: a master power button and another button that cycles through all the settings. It’s annoying when there’s many settings, but the Luxe Euphoria has only seven:

  • low
  • medium
  • high
  • escalation
  • past pulsation
  • faster pulsing
  • short then fast pulsation

The batteries are woefully inadequate, and while there’s a red LED below the buttons, it seems like mine might be defective. It doesn’t shine under both, only sort of in the middle. If this is the design, it really doesn’t help to illuminate the buttons.

California Exotics has done something new with the battery cap, as far as I recall, and I hate it. Instead of being able to screw it off, you have one of those little covers with the springy part like your remote control. It’s on the “tail” of the duck and almost so flush that you can’t find it. I actually like that it’s so seamless, but it makes it difficult to find, and the springy part you need to push to open it. The cover pops straight up, and I have a hard time getting it back on. I think I’m using to things that angle into place. It’s just different, I suppose.

The seamlessness probably lends to the waterproofiness of this toy. There’s not a single O-ring. Rather, the entire battery connection part on the cap is surrounded by a layer or silicone or TPR. It seems pretty secure, to be honest. I wouldn’t use this toy in the shower — you wouldn’t feel it with the water — but it’s easy to clean.

I do love the texture of this. Both the silicone and plastic have a velvety treatment. While the plastic is rigid, it has the same texture as the silicone. This, I like. There’s a silver “collar” that’s made of plastic and runs around the duck’s neck. This is definitely the weak point of the design. Not only can I see seams, but I can see the glue. Eeps!

This toy isn’t something I’d pay $30 for, especially knowing what I need, but CEN has made some good strides with this, even if it’s the odd duck out.
CEN Sexpert

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Waterproof Power Stud Cliterrific

December 29th, 2012

Waterproof Power Stud Cliterrific

Waterproof Power Stud Cliterrific
$22.99 from CEN

So, I never would have picked this toy by myself. I think the fact that CEN calls it a “dong” is a good indicator of that. It’s essentially a realistic dildo with a vibrator mechanism added in as an afterthought. It’s got veins, a head and some strange bumps that really evoke the image of a dude who shaved about a week ago and is kind of prickly. This isn’t starting off very favorable, is it? I

To be honest. I have nothing positive to say about this one. I’m far too tired to fake it with a vibrator, okay?

It might look realistic ish. If bright pink and pitch black ever are. And the size is about right with 6″ or so of insertable length. But it doesn’t feel realistic. The PVC — again, not my choice — is very plasticy. The product description calls it soft, but it’s soft in the way that plastic is. It’s nothing like silicone. It doesn’t feel good. The veins and head are lost on me because it’s just ick. In your hand, you can tap it with a finger and hear the hardness of the PVC . I don’t know how the hell this made it past the inspection process.

I mean, at least it doesn’t collect lint? I don’t know.

That’s not the only incredibly offensive thing about this toy. Y’all know that I like some power and depth to my vibrators. I shy away from any that take AAA batteries because of this. When I forget, I am always disappointed. The Layaspot is the only exception to this rule ever. With 2AAs, I figured I might not hate this.

Guess what?

I was wrong.

For starters, the control is on the side of the shaft. It points up when this is inserted with the ridiculous nubs upward. When you consider that a) the shaft doesn’t bend or flex and b) I’m not going to insert this down to the giant testicle base, they’re useless, but I digress.

The button on the side of the shaft gives you three levels of steady vibes and they all suck. Or blow. Or fucking rot. Pick one. They’re stupidly week. Like trying to get off by sticking your vulva toward the wind. I don’t even know what that means, but it would probably work better than this.

I gave up in thirty seconds. I’m sorry. This just isn’t a good toy at all.

Maybe you can use this waterproof vibe to clean your tub. I don’t know. Please don’t buy it. If you really want realistic, anything by Vixen is a better bet. While the BOB has the stupid nubs, it at least feels better. The Posh Teaser 2 is definitely stronger, prettier and ultimately more useful in my book, too, if you need something cheap!
CEN Sexpert

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Bbold Premium

December 3rd, 2012

Bbold Premium

Bbold Premium
$72.55 from Bswish

I lusted over the Bbold for a while before I got it. I really enjoy the black and burgundy color scheme that Bswish tends to use. The shape of this vibrator also reminds me of the Vida Lussuria. I wanted to compare them side by side and take pictures, but I cannot figure out where my Lussuria went. I hope it wasn’t one of those that got tossed in the trash when my family and friends discovered sex toys during my move.

Annyway…

Bbold is a lazy S shape. The insertable portion works as a G-spot vibrator on one side and has a clit dimple on the other. The controls rest on the other side, where it curves again. Unlike Lussuria, this vibrator is made of silicone. It’s velvety but rigid. There’s a burgundy stripe that’s slightly more plush and runs around the profile of the toy. It’s attractive. It’s also completely smooth. There’s no ridges.

It’s just under 7.5″ long, but only about four of those niches are insertable. The g-spot head flattens and widens out to about 1.5″ wide but it’s about one inch “tall.” The majority of the shaft is much thinner, think .75″. The tapering is pretty gentle, but this toy is intended to stimulate one specific erogenous zone and not fill you up.

So, let’s go with the good.

It’s attractive. It’s got that angled G-spot head, and you can also use it externally. It’s super smooth and doesn’t have much drag. It’s waterproof, which means ease of use and versatility.

I effin’ love the buttons Bswish uses. It’s this bubbly shaped with two buttons — power and strength/mode adjuster. It lights up a super bright blue. There’s audible and tactile feedback. There’s no missing it in the dark. It’s simple. It works. It provides an instant off function when you need it.

This toy is USB rechargeable but it doesn’t plug into your computer — thank god. The included USB cable can be plugged into any USB outlet adapter. So anyone with an Android phone can just swap out the phone charging cable and plug the toy into it. It does use a proprietary port. I’d love if sex toy makers got on board with microUSB ports, but I’ll take what I can get.

The LED light lets you know when it’s charging, and this comes with a storage pouch. Bswish has had a hard time figuring out how it wants you to store toys. The first pouches were a thick, hoodie-like material. The company thinned them out. It’s now moved on to a satin sac with the company name on a tag. It’s stiff satin, but who cares? It does feel more luxurious than the old pouches, of course.

It comes charged!

On to the critique.

This toy just isn’t strong enough. There’s three steady levels of vibration. They remain about the same depth as you increase the level, which is good. They’re not super buzzy, but they could be deeper and stronger. The pulsation modes — of which there are three — aren’t fantastic for me, but the depth of the vibes does make two of them feel pretty intense. On my clit, however, I soon can’t feel them anymore. There’s an initial pleasure, then nothing. I need to be able to build up and get pressure, and this doesn’t happen with the Bbold.

For the power output, this thing seems pretty loud. I would worry about discretion if I was worried about being caught.

The clip dimple isn’t my thing. I don’t want to surround my clit. I want to press against the bone around it, with strength. The shape just doesn’t lend itself to how I like to masturbate. It’s also weird during masturbation. I tried the toy with that side against my G-spot and didn’t like it once bit. It completely missed where it needed to go. Turned around, the toy works much better, and the buttons wind up on top.

It’s a very simple experience. It made me squirt, but it wasn’t fantastic. A little forgettable, really.

The thing died pretty quickly when I got it. I hope this means it wasn’t fully charged, because I’d only used it once and briefly. A full charge has lasted me longer the second time around, so let’s hope that was a fluke.

The toy doesn’t remember your setting, but it does cycle through them. Once you get to the last pulse setting, it goes back to the lowest steady vibe. I don’t know if I like or dislike this, but it’s interesting.

Ultimately, this didn’t provide the premium experience. It felt very.. utilitarian. Got the job done but not any better than any other toy. USB charging is interesting, but it’s only practical in certain situations.

I really like Bswish as a company, probably because my first review toy came from them. I’ve come a long way since than and I still want to like them, but I’d love to see them think outside the box a little more. And add stronger motors. That’s a must.

However, Bswish asks less for the Bbold than other luxury vibrators, making this a good investment for someone who wants a toy that will last a long time and is attractive. At less than $75,

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Posh Teaser 2

November 28th, 2012

Posh Silicone Teaser Blue

Posh Silicone Teaser Blue
$28.20 from Of Sex and Love Store

I wasn’t super enamored with any of the Posh line of toys from California Exotics. It’s good that they’re silicone, and the price isn’t too bad, but they all looked a little generic. I’d rather have a super strong rechargeable, I guess. So I was surprised when I received the Teaser 2 in blue and I like I’d underestimated it. It’s less tiny and, well, dinky. It feels more significant in my hand. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to throw out my Mona or anything because, well, it’ll never happen. Others are still better at what I need them to do, but I think CEN is making some toys that are definitely wallet-friendly, good for beginners and worth keeping around for as long as they’ll last. The Posh Teaser 2 might be one of those.

THe Posh Teaser has an interesting textured. It’s a series of bulbs along the 5″ shaft. There’s some wavy swirls that are interesting to my eyes but, as is usually the case, don’t add much for my vagina. Still, the head is the biggest bulb of all and adds some G-spot action. The silicone does have a lot of drag, though, and it’s prone to collect lint. You’ll want to use a nice dose of water-based lube, even though the that is 1.5″ wide at its most. Really, the majority of the shaft is about 1″ long, which makes this good for people who don’t like to feel like a subway train is trying to squeeze through their lady parts. You’re welcome for the visual.

Another thing I like about this toy is the LED ring that surrounds the button on the base. I will never see it in use, but it pulsates with the setting, and I feel like I’m ready for anything? You don’t need a flashlight, guys, I’ve got my sex toy. I’m not familiar with seizures, but if you’re photosensitive, you won’t want to look at the base of the toy. There’s some serious flashing going on. And it’s bright. B-r-i-g-h-t.

Except for the head, which has some give when squeeze it and can bend just a few degrees, the silicone covers a rigid inner mechanism. But it’s plush all around and doesn’t feel hard, just ungiving beneath.

I’m also not shatteringly-disappointed with the strength of the vibrations. It’s only powered by 2 AAAs, but they’re putting out some decent vibrations considering the power source. Sure, they’re buzzy, but the highest setting is okay, and the pulsations feel more effective. However, CEN did something stupid, here. They put the highest setting first, so when you press the button, you wind up turning it down. Um, that makes no sense. M I Rite? Right. So once you’re all buttered up and want to increase the settings, you’re disappointed to find out that’s all there is. It’s not the first time a vibrator has worked like this but it should be the last, god damn it.

There are seven different pulsation settings to this toy, which is more than enough. They’re fast, slow and everything in between. I’m not really won over by pulsing, though, so this might be more your thing than it is mine. The Posh Teaser 2 remembers your setting when you turn it off, which might be good if you like those settings. Otherwise, you’d have to cycle through them all again.

For the power output, this is a little loud. I don’t think the vibe should be any louder than it is on its weakest setting, which says something. It’s not a chainsaw, but it’s definitely not “whisper quiet.” Unless, maybe, you know those people who whisper yell.

I don’t use my toys in the shower and have no tub, but CEN calls it waterproof. The battery cap twists on normally — none of that half twist BS — and there’s an O-ring permanently attached. I wouldn’t submerge it in the ocean, but you can test its waterproofiness all you want. It’s nothing I’d worry about in the shower, though, and it makes cleaning with soap and water easy. Unfortunately, you’ll need to watch the lint off of this before you use it if you don’t keep it in a Ziploc bag.

I’m not going to default to the Posh Teaser 2 over any of my other toys, but I’d pass mine on to someone in need, and I’d absolutely recommend it to anyone in need of a cheaper, G-spot dildo. That’s quite the endorsement.

CEN Sexpert

 

10 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Lelo Mona 2

October 12th, 2012

Mona 2

Mona 2
$139 from Lelo

I like the Mona 2, but it’s just so similar to the original that I feel like I don’t have much to say that’s new. So, I think I’ll start with..

What’s Different Between Mona and Mona 2

You can definitely see the relation here, but they’re not identical. The Mona 2 is a bit longer, for example. It has a longer insertable length: 5 1/4″ versus 4″. Mona is also slightly narrower. It’s not much, but the design seems to flatten out less on the insertable portion than it does with the original Mona. I think this lends a sleeker appearance, and it reminds me much more of Lelo’s Elise (which also has been recently revamped). The G-spot angle is also slightly more extreme. I didn’t have any difficulty reaching mine with the original Mona, but this might be ideal for others.

Mona (Red) and Mona 2

The silicone on the Mona 2 is a bit plusher. It’s still around a rigid internal mechanism, but it’s slightly thicker. You can push it into with your fingers in a way that you can’t with the first Mona. This might not be noticeable for some people, and I didn’t necessarily notice it while inserted. However, it might appeal to anyone who doesn’t like their silicone rock-hard. I thought the silicone seemed more plush in product photos, but it’s a bit hard to tell with all the digital airbrushing.

Lelo has decided to go ahead and release these new Monas with some different colors. There’s a hot pink, which I received, a cherry red and a grapey purple. The red seems more pinkish than my other Mona and Siri. This is sad news for anyone who loved the unique colors of the original Mona and Ina. However, I love the pink as I’ve previously mentioned.

While the controls remains absolutely the same with this vibrator, Lelo has increased the vibration strength noticeably. A side-by-side mistaken is impossible to deny. Mona 2 has more power and it still feels a bit rumbly. I appreciate the strides Lelo has made to keep up with companies like Fun Factory. However, it’s not the strongest toy I own, nor does Mona 2 have the deepest vibrations.

Mona (Red) and Mona 2

Finally, Mona 2 differs from Mona in that it has a different storage pouch. My original Mona has black satin on the outside and white on the inside. It’s so incredibly classy. The plain black satin isn’t less classy, and I imagine it’s a whole lot cheaper, but it’s also not quite as nice in my opinion. It’s fully functional either way.

There are minor cosmetic differences. The angle at which the plastic and silicone meets is different with the Mona 2. It feels slightly more seamless than the original. This is partially why the Mona 2 has more insertable length, too. The plastic portion is shorter on the Mona 2 while the neck of the shaft has a greater length.

Everything else, though, right now to my experience, feels exactly the same. Mona and Mona 2 both make me squirt– in a matter of seconds. There’s no learning curve. I need little lube for insertion. The buttons are a soft silicone that is easy to find amidst the hard plastic base of the vibrator. The charting port is covered with another piece of soft silicone. Although I haven’t tried it, I wouldn’t be surprised if you could use the exact same charger for both toys. However, Mona 2 did seem to charge amazingly fast. I swear it was less than an hour, but I didn’t pay close attention to the time.

Like the original, Mona 2’s steady vibrations are the best for me. There’s a serious of short and long pulsations followed by some escalation but none of those settings really do a lot for me. As far as I can tell, the different modes number five, including steady vibes. There’s about ten levels of vibration on steady, but the pulsation don’t seem to have as many strengths. The lower ones feel more rumbly, and the stronger settings definitely tickle your hand.

All in all, the Mona 2 is a nice vibrator. Given the current price drop for the original, I’d recommend you save a few bucks and get the Mona as long as it’s available. However, I would be much more impressed with the Mona 2 if it weren’t for one thing.

Mona and Mona 2

This vibrator has a distracting rattle that I just can’t get over. It’s stupidly noticeable. It sounds like some extra piece is flying around the shaft. I hate it. Mona 2 might look slicker but it certainly feels like the first age of digital vibrators, and I can’t justify the price

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Big Boss

September 10th, 2012

Fun Factory G4 Big Boss

Fun Factory G4 Big Boss
$109 from Of Sex and Love Store

I know, I’m ridiculous. This review has been a long time coming. A long time. But it’s one that I wanted to write for a couple reasons, mostly because I quite like this toy and also because the comparison to the Big Boss is necessary. With a capital N. I loved my original Boss. In fact, that was the very name of the review. It remains a toy that’s pretty firm and pretty large, something that usually makes me hate all other toys, but I like the Boss. I like Fun Factory. I liked the vibrations. I liked the little clitoral nub, and I liked fucking myself with this vibrator. Got it? Okay.

So, I wanted to see if I’d like the Big Boss better. And was it really bigger? And would it be stronger or buzzier as a rechargeable version?

First things first. The Big Boss is bigger than the Boss. I’ve read more than one review that claims otherwise. Shut the fuck up, morons. The Boss has a slightly-smaller 1.6″ diameter. The Big Boss upgrades this to 1.75″. Neither are the biggest toys ever, but the silicone remains the same on both models. You can bend the shaft slightly but it’s pretty firm. Fun Factory’s finish also creates a lot of drag that makes insertion pretty difficult. Not everyone likes it. I’m not going to lie to you all: I barely got this thing in. If G-spot stimulation were the end all and be all, this toy would have failed. It really would have. The Big Boss is too big for my tiny vagina (vaginy?!?) at the point. Now, if I were having sex or constantly using insertables or didn’t develop spasms at the thought of warming up, this wouldn’t be the case, but the Big Boss is a solid toy and I just can’t do it. But that’s my fault, not it’s fault.

By the time I got anything inserted, I felt like I’d used an entire bottle of lube. It was only like 1/4 but, you know, I was all sorts of slippery. This was a freakin’ masturbation adventure, and who doesn’t like adventures?! The countoured head of this and a little lube and my clit is, like, the best adventure I’ve ever been on. I know, I know this is an internal vibrator, but it works pretty damned well on my clit, and that’s precisely why I’ll be keeping it around. Even if it doesn’t work for its intended purpose, the Big Boss works damned well for other purposes. Multitasking motherfucker.

The Big Boss is also molded differently from the original. You might not even realize it from the pictures, but I noticed it. The one feature that I really liked with the Boss is that little clitoral nub. The shaft curves slightly, and on the inside of the curve is a little nub. It’s the result of two ridges that run parallel gently swooping together toward the handle/base of the vibe.. and it does nothing if you insert this straight, but I would insert the boss only halfway and, then, pull the rest upward, which allowed my clit to enjoy the pressure of the nub.

Unfortunately, the Big Boss pays homage but fails at offering any clitoral stimulation. The Big Boss has a ride on the outside of the curve, and I couldn’t feel it at all. On the whole, the Big Boss is straighter, while the original has a relaxed “S” shape. There’s this decorative ridge that gives the impression of a nub toward the base, but it does jack shit for my clit. I am ranting in rhymes. That’s how much it sucks. I don’t know why Fun Factory deviated but they were wrong.

However, I like the move to rechargeable. The original used the same buttons, with the addition of a boost button. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t want to have to push down an extra button when I want extra juice. That’s lame. All the buttons were stupidly difficult to press to boot. This isn’t the case with the Big Boss. The buttons are soft and responsive, and the base has that light that turns one when you touch it. All in all, it’s a vast improved. I do find the looped handle better in theory than practice. My arms, hands and fingers just don’t work at the right angles to work it, but it’s not like I can’t use the vibrator.

This used Fun Factory’s magnetic charger. It means the thing is waterproof if you want to go deep-sea diving with your Big Boss–I joke. It’s probably not that waterproof, and you don’t want fish poop in your vaginy–you can. The charger is finicky, though. You need to line it up just right and make sure not to bump it. You’ll probably want to check on it every so often to make sure it’s still charging. I say this from experience.

So does this produce a vibration that satisfies me? Yes. The Big Boss is definitely stronger than its predecessor. When I hold them both, I can feel it. The Big Boss is also a little buzzier. Normally, this would be a con, but I can’t fault it. Most manufacturers only give us strong and super buzzy, so I’ll accept this level of vibration. The comparison makes me realize, however, that giving the original a 4/5 stars for vibration was really generous. It’s probably only a three; although, the vibrations are the deep kind that I like. The newest model is a buzzy 4-ish. It’s no Hitachi, but it’ll do pig, it’ll do.

The Big Boss also slightly annoys me with the digital motor whine. Mine doesn’t seem cheap, per se, but it seems like something is loose-ish. I can’t say if it’s just mine or the whole line. My G4 Calla didn’t seem that way at all. Regardless, it wasn’t anything so distracting that I couldn’t enjoy the Big Boss. Ultimately, I have a lot of little complaints, and they wold have resulted in a negative review for any other toy. The Big Boss didn’t do what I expected, but after a night with it, I was still flushed and sweating and on the other side of several orgasms. Who am I to complain?!

9 Comments

Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.