JIL Olivia Vibrator

April 15th, 2019

JIL Olivia Vibrator
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product.

Did you ever know one of those people whose personality was a sponge? They soaked up those around them. But when you remove that person from a group and get them alone, you find that they’re lacking in personality. They try so hard to please that you’re not sure who they are. Without a person or group to mimic, they’re bland.

Even worse, you wonder if you ever really knew them at all. You feel deceived.

It’s this way with Olivia, which tries to do so many things but never really manages to do any of them well. Perhaps I should know better. Almost every single toy I’ve used that wanted to be versatile has failed me.

Remember the bendable, twistable vibrator? No one would blame you if you didn’t. You might recall how much I disliked the Gvibe 2, which was advertised to work in 8 different ways but really only kinda-sorta achieved one.

I guess it comes down to this: I want my sex toys to do one thing really well.

If I can find some second use for the toy, that’s fantastic. Many internal vibes can work for clitoral stimulation.

Truth be told, I feel the same about most of my devices. I prefer an e-reader to a tablet because it’s set up to do one thing and do it well.

Olivia doesn’t do any one thing that well. The shape and curve of the shaft suggest that G-spot stimulation is ideal, but the thin, flexible neck means you can’t get the pressure you might like or thrust with any intensity.

It also means a lack of pressure when it comes to clitoral stimulation.

This vibrator just feels awkward in my hand, too. The neck is sooo flexible that the head flops around heavily. I always underestimate what companies mean when they advertise something as flexible, but this is also a case of the manufacturer overestimating how much flexibility a person would ever need. It makes the toy feel impossible to control once inserted it. You really can’t get a lot of precision with Olivia because it’ll bend any which way.

But it’s partially my fault, you know? Because I see words like “flexible,” and I think this toy does so much and sign myself right up. I should know better by now. Similarly, I should had realized that deep raspberry pink color was too good to be true. It’s a brighter, more run-of-the-mill pink in person.

I’m also flummoxed at the size of this, especially when compared with how flexible it is. There are plenty of reasons why a person might want a shorter toy or even one with a more narrow shaft, but those all seem negated by the flexibility. My fingers inch up the shaft in an attempt to gain some semblance of control, reducing the insertable length.

Although it doesn’t look like that extreme, it feels like Olivia’s shaft narrows suddenly after the head, so only the head provides much stimulation. The rest is too narrow or perhaps lacking in texture to do much at all. This would be fine if Olivia was a good G-spotter (I find those straight and narrow G-spot wands a bit boring but effective), but it’s not. But toys can have a wider shaft and still effectively hit the G-spot.

In terms of motor, Olivia is buzzier and louder than I’d like. There’s that “hollow” sound that some vibrators make (many Fun Factory toys used to) that suggests there needs to be more insulation around the motor. The wider base means your hand won’t buzz right off, however. Actually, I really enjoy the shape of the base for holding, and the single button is placed well to be used via thumb (it also lights up). I dislike the controls on most insertable vibes.

Aside from the three steady modes, there are a few pulsation and escalation modes. Some of these are terribly buzzy, and a few just seem like buzzier and/or weaker steady vibration modes. I am not sure why they’re included. Were the shape designed for my body, I would be fine with the steady vibes. Olivia wouldn’t be my favorite, but it would get the job done.

There’s probably someone out there who wants a toy that’s super flexible, can be inserted less than 5 inches, has a maximum diameter of under 1 1/2 inches, and provides middle-of-the-road vibrations. It’s not me, though. Olivia just fails at being enough for me. It’s not long enough, strong enough, firm enough, wide enough.

If I didn’t have to write about Olivia, I’d likely shove it in the back of a drawer and forget all about it. And that’s no vote of confidence.

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Categories: Vibrators

JeJoue Mimi Soft

February 12th, 2019

JeJoue Mimi Soft
$99 from SheVibe

Seven years ago, I reviewed the original Mimi in a short, lackluster (both in my writing skill and my opinion of the toy) review. The truth was, I always suspected my original Mimi was defective because people loved it. I mean, almost every review was a rave one, and people discussed the strength of the vibrations favorably. I thought little of mine, and while I didn’t really discuss it in my review, I was also underwhelmed with the buttons, which were tiny and difficult to press. You might remember this being an issue with the G-Ki, another JeJoue toy. I also noted that the motor was loud and whiny, another turnoff.

I wound up trading both toys away. I have no idea who has them, but I recall sending away the Mimi with the warning that it may very well be defective. Sorry if you’re the person who wound up with it and if it was.

So, you’re probably wondering why I would try the sophomore version of this vibrator. And the answer, as always, is curiosity. In the past six months, I’ve tried revamped efforts of vibrators by We-Vibe and Fun Factory, so why not this one?

And perhaps I am just a bit of a masochist in this (and other) ways.

But the curiosity has me in its grips, just like this arctic blast. I’ve been wondering if my original Mimi was defective for so long that I just had to give this one a try.

I avoided calling Mimi Soft the “new” version because it’s not, really. JeJoue released it years ago. There have been plenty of reviews. I am late to the game. But I hope that my review will shed a little insight.

Mimi and Mimi Soft look pretty similar. They’re like pebbles that fit in your hand and quite remind me of JeJoue’s Pebble attachment, which I bought and promptly avoided reviewing due to my disappointment. I described the various ways this shape might be helpful in my original Mimi review, but for my purposes, I want to use it against the side of my clit with the toy perpendicular to my body.

For whatever reason, I thought the original was rather triangular. Perhaps it was. Perhaps I was just wrong. The Mimi Soft is definitely rounded, and the soft silicone exterior only adds to this impression. The tip is quite rounded and can easily be depressed with a finger or in use, of course.

I enjoy plush toys like this for clitoral use because I like so much pressure. I really grind the toy against my body and hold it tightly. A bit of plushness means I can apply pressure without worrying about cutting myself but also relieves a bit of stress from my fingers. While the Mimi Soft isn’t nearly as plush as the We-Vibe Wish (and it’s most plush near the tip and not where you’d hold it), this still makes it much more comfortable to hold than the original, which was hard-coated in plastic.

The plushness also lends itself to increasingly firmer use. As I get closer to orgasm, I can push until there’s no more give.

Mimi Soft has buttons similar to the original, which means they’re located on the end, work as the charging connections, are small and sit nearly flush with the toy.  They’re surrounded by a layer of smooth plastic that snugly fits around the buttons. This makes them difficult to press. If you have larger fingers or longer nails, it’s a bit frustrating. I prefer a button that’s more offset from the toy and a bit plush itself. During use, my fingers struggle to find them, and the tiny symbols, and I certainly can barely differentiate between them. Fortunately, the – button is engraved while the + button is embossed, which makes it a bit easier. Still, if your fingers are covered in lube or you’re a bit distracted, the buttons will be frustrating.

These buttons turn the toy on and increase vibrations or power off and decrease, respectively. There’s a third button that cycles through the settings. The design is a no-brainer as long as you know which button you’re pressing. Both Mimi and Mimi Soft have 5 vibration levels, and you can navigate between the 7 pulsation settings with the center button.

I can still remember the feelings that encompassed me with the first Mimi. Paired with the confusion over everyone else’s enjoyment, it was a bitter cocktail. Fortunately, the Mimi soft is more enjoyable. The vibrations, especially the lower 3 settings, seem quite rumbly for the size of this toy. There’s an enjoyable pitter-patter that you can hear when it’s on. The vibrations are nice but not mindblowing.

Any experienced toy user will be unsurprised that the vibrations become buzzier as intensity increases, but the Mimi Soft keeps this to a minimum. Yes, the highest level tickles my hand a bit, but it’s much less buzzy than the highest level Siri 2, for example. And while Siri 2 seems a bit stronger, it also tickles my hand much more uncomfortably while in use. I find the strength of Mimi Soft on the fourth level good enough to get me off and can skip the buzziest, higher level. However, the depth of the vibrations on the lower settings produces some respectable pulsations if you’re into that sort of thing.

Don’t get me wrong, however. The real strength of the Mimi soft lies in its shape and softness. The narrow edge allows for more pinpoint pressure. I don’t so much use the tip as I do the side of the Mimi Soft. although, the tip would provide even more pinpoint stimulation that’s easily under your control.

Another improvement from the original Mimi is the lack of whining motor. The Mimi Soft is a bit loud for its size but not so much that I’d worry about someone hearing it in another room through a closed door, especially if pressed against your body under the covers or with other background noise. Since I’m comparing it with the Siri 2, I have to note that Mimi Soft is the louder of the two by a bit.

All things considered, I’d reach for Mimi Soft over similar toys when I wanted deeper vibrations. I may enjoy it more than my Siris because of the plush angle the side presents. However, it’s thin enough to bother my fingers for marathon sessions, so I’d rather use something larger/rounder if I plan to get off more than a couple of times.

There are many people to whom I would recommend the Mimi Soft as long as their requirements don’t involve penetration or massive amounts of power and assuming the motors of the Mimi and Mimi Soft are the same, I can rest assured that my first was a dud, and I was initially misled.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

We-Vibe Wish

December 30th, 2018

We-Vibe Wish
$129.99 from Tabutoys

Honestly?

I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so conflicted about a sex toy.

There have been toys that I wanted to love and didn’t.

But this? I don’t even know, you guys.

I didn’t expect to like it. But the thing is? I almost love it. It’s so close.

If We-Vibe’s Wish clitoral vibrator were a movie, it would be Batman Vs. Superman. It’s not universally liked, but I saw glimpses of genius that, if allowed to come to fruition, would have made it a masterpiece.

I feel strongly enough that I would fight you just to make sure you acknowledge that, yes, there are some amazing aspects to this creation.

But I know that it falls short, that the criticism makes sense. But this vibrator has touched me somewhere besides my clitoris. It has a hold on me that I cannot deny.

So let’s jump right on. The Wish is a bold blue external vibrator that looks something like an asymmetrical stone. It’s larger than you might think from photos alone (4 inches long and almost 3 wide), especially if you have no banana for comparison. While it curves, ostensibly to fit in your hand, it’s definitely a little too big to be described as palm-sized.

I find the larger size is easier on my fingers than, say, the Pebble or Lelo’s Lily or any of those actually-stone-sized vibrators.

It has variable height (more than an inch thick in most places) and width along with a tapered tip. It’s coated in a pillow of silicone that makes it soft to the touch and further eases strain on my fingers. But the rigid skeleton is ungiving. I can get the pressure I need without any pain.

During use, I find myself lifting the back end a bit to rub the tip quickly back-and-forth. The control button is on the “butt'” of the toy, an ideal location for thumb usage in my opinion. I don’t actually like when buttons are on top of toys because that’s where I push with my fingers for pressure.

When it comes to vibrations? I was impressed. They’re pleasantly rumbly and deep. They’re broad. This is thanks to the two motors. I am sure anyone who loves the Tango might be intrigued by the Wish because of this. More on that later.

We-Vibe even describes this vibrator as similar to a wand.

Except it’s not.

A wand usually has steady settings over which you have control. That is not the case with the Wish.

You get nice and warmed up, you’re having a good time, and then.. the vibrations change.

It’s no longer a steady vibration; it’s a pulsation.

You haven’t changed anything, however. It seems like the first three settings are steady vibrations, but then it switches up to a pulse randomly.

You can try to coerce an orgasm out if it’s not ruined by the changeup. But that may not always be possible. You may be back at square one because the vibrator randomly decided to change what it was doing.

Now, I know that my readers will want me to compare this with the Tango or Touch. The Tango offers much more pinpoint stimulation. The Wish has a better shape than the Touch for me (I bought one from Babeland in Seattle and regret trying it.. again). The vibrations of the Wish are significantly deeper and stronger than either of those due to the twin motors.

But there’s another potential issue with this as reported by Epiphora: the dual motors sometimes result in a glitch that may not be noticeable by everyone. The motors may stop vibrating in unison.

I say this because I didn’t necessarily notice in use. So I sat the toy on the sofa next to me as I wrote my review and..

What. the. actual. fuck.

After a few minutes, I heard/felt the vibrations become out of sync. The Wish becomes much louder. And then it started crackling?

This lasted only a brief moment before it goes back to normal. The glitch feels like an odd trill and, you know what? I kinda like it. But that crackling? That would be ridiculously alarming during use.

And the Wish isn’t that quiet, to begin with.

My experiences with the Wish thus far have been.. polarizing to say the least. The first time, I coerced out an orgasm after a surprisingly-long amount of time. I tossed the vibrator on my dresser in frustration.

The second time I used it could not have been more different. For whatever reason, that pulsation didn’t kick in right away. It happened only once as I was well on my way to getting off, and it didn’t happen again. I was able to cum easily a second time because it didn’t take long, and the toy stayed at steady vibrations the entire time.

Basically, there’s no way to know when the vibrations will start to pulse and if that will be a help or hindrance to your pleasure.

What are you thinking, We-Vibe? Why would you do this to us? What do we ever do to you to deserve this?!

The company tries to explain how this is a good thing by lauding their “PowerPulse” technology. Yet, I am not alone when I say that this is frustrating. And I seem to have had a better experience than many.

On top of the frustrating PowerPulse settings, the other settings just seem kind of useless.

WeWibe Wish modes

Those first three settings just look frustrating, don’t they?

I’m also hesitant about the single button. If this only had the three PowerPulse settings, that wouldn’t be a huge deal. But with 10 settings, that’s a lot of button pushing. And the button on Wish isn’t exactly user-friendly.

I mean, it seems like it should be. It looks pronounced enough, all right. But it’s actually stiffer than it appears and you have to press it in exactly the right location to get it to work.

I found myself surprised to be fumbling over this button. I can usually call which buttons will be problematic. I did not expect this one to be.

You may also want to know that to actually turn the toy off, you need to cycle through all of the settings. Otherwise, holding it for two seconds pauses it on the last-used setting. It’s more like pause than turning it off. This might be useful if the toy didn’t blink while it was de-activated.

I don’t want to use up battery for a useless light, and blinking lights in my home annoy the shit out of me.

And, okay, it works with the app. Not that you need an app if your sex toy only has one mode I’ll ever use, and it’s a disappointment at that.

I think all my readers know that I don’t want to mess around with that, though. When I’m masturbating, I want a hand on myself, my partner, my toy — not my phone. The very idea grosses me out, to be honest. One of those things is a breeding ground for germs.

So I didn’t even try it.

Yes, this vibrator is waterproof. But I have to like a toy to want to bring it into the shower or bath with me. And you need fairly strong vibrations to overpower the sensation of the water.

I… just.. ugh.

So what do I want from We-Vibe? I pretty much want a Wish II that’s nearly identical save for replacing the PowerPulse with steady vibration. Maybe simply let the user activate PowerPulse with the button should they choose to. Fun Factory has some toys with a dedicated boost button, and I don’t see why this wouldn’t work here. Perhaps add steady vibration (I’d be okay with a single mode as long as it were the highest strength) to the list of modes.

But if We-Vibe added any settings, they should add a second button to make it easier to cycle through them.

I have to tell you, though, if We-Vibe released the Wish with a few settings that I actually want, I’d be okay with the finicky button. I’d power through it, and that toy might become my new favorite because I absolutely love the strength and depth of the vibrations, the large size for a clitoral toy, the tapered tip, and curved shape, and the plush silicone that surrounds the toy.

It should be clear by now that I am torn over the Wish. Will I keep it and use it? Yes. I expect I’ll have many orgasms with it, and plenty will be fantastic.

But there’s a reason so many sentences, including this one, start with a “but.” It’s inconsistent. I also expect I will have some frustrating masturbation sessions, perhaps some ruined or miserable orgasms.

I’m basically describing an abusive relationship with a sex toy, and no one wants that.

My please to We-Vibe is this: you know what I want. Now give me the option to give you money for it. Please?

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

FemmeFunn Diamond Wand Vibrator

December 9th, 2018

Femmefunn Diamond Wand
65.00 from Peepshow Toys

The FemmeFunn Diamond Wand Vibrator is not the vibrator you reach for when you want to feel full, stretched impossibly. This vibrator won’t give you the satisfaction of overcoming a seemingly impossible obstacle.

Nor is the Diamond Wand the toy you want for intense textural stimulation, even though the diamond texture is visible on the shaft.

And if you want firm clitoral pressure while using this vibrator externally, you’ll likely be disappointed with it.

This isn’t a toy that’s long enough to use for A-spot stimulation (there are 6 insertable inches, but you’re going to have to sacrifice some of this if you want to actually hold the toy), and I cannot recommend it for safe anal play.

The Diamond Wand wasn’t made for precise movement, either.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t a high note to start a review on, and you’d be correct in that thinking. However, it’s my way of explaining that while the FemmeFunn Diamond Wand might not good at everything, it could be good at something.

I realize this is a departure for my usual review style. It’s not that I want a toy that’s capable of stimulating my G-spot, clitoris, nipples, perineum, or ass whenever I choose. I know that sometimes trying to do too much leads to a toy’s downfall, much like GVibe 2, but I also look for a toy to have the capacity to work in multiple ways in case I don’t love using it in a specific way, perhaps the most obvious use of the toy.

This brings me to the FemmeFunn Diamond Wand, At first use, it was underwhelming. While the toy has a contoured head, there’s no curve to the shaft. The shaft, while flexible, is too narrow to warrant a second thought. And while I anticipated feeling something from the texture of the toy, I just didn’t.

One upside is that the vibrations were reasonably strong and not overly buzzy.

To be honest, I put the FemmeFunn Diamond Wand away for months before I picked it up again. It was just one of those toys that had let me down upon my first experience, and I wasn’t thrilled to try it again.

I am one of the people for whom first impressions matter a lot. If I don’t like a toy off the bat, I will probably never like it. That’s just how it goes.

So imagine my surprise when I finally picked up the Diamond Wand again and felt my mind change little by little.

The first thing I realized was that the tapered head of the vibrator was ideal for the first time I’d been interested in penetration in months. It was easy and comfortable. A point for the Diamond Wand.

And while the narrow, flexible shaft may not have been great for pressure or precise moments, I could bend the toy enough for G-spot stimulation. There’s enough resistance that I cannot call it “floppy.” And it works.

I even forgave this vibrator for not being thrustable because I tend to stroke my G-spot more slowly. Being able to bend the shaft provided me enough G-spot stimulation to squirt with ease — and a surprising amount of force.

This vibrator is surprisingly powerful for its large size, and the lowest setting isn’t entirely buzzy. Unfortunately, the buzz increases almost exponentially as you increase press the single button on the base to cycle through the three steady vibration modes.

If you can get over the buzz, the pulsations are backed by impressive oomph. In fact, as I hold the Diamond Wand in my hand and shift through settings, the vibration makes the toy turn over in my hand.

The 20 modes of vibration are probably overkill. There are 17 levels alone of pulsation or escalation, which includes fast and slow pulses, flutters, and waves. At first, I thought the vibrator turned on to the last-used setting, but there’s actually a random pulsation before the three levels of steady vibration. It takes an inordinate amount of time to cycle through all three. And although most people probably aren’t doing that during routine use, I think if manufacturers are going to have that many vibration modes, then a second button is a must. I would rather make the argument that no toy really needs 20 settings, however.

So where does this leave us? The Diamond Wand serves a limited function but one that’s useful enough for me to keep it around. I would be remiss if I didn’t recommend this toy for those who like pinpoint clitoral stimulation. It doesn’t give me the pressure I need, but if you don’t mind slight buzziness, it’s quite powerful.

I also want to mention that the USB cable that the Diamond Wand comes with is nearly identical to that of a few other toys I own, so keep it separated or labeled to save yourself the hassle.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

GVibe 2

September 26th, 2018

Gvibe 2 $99.90 from GVibe

Sometimes you just have to try a toy with a new feature or design to see if it will work. It’s difficult to tell when there’s something so different about a toy that you cannot compare it to other experiences. That was how it went for me and the G-vibe 2. It was only exacerbated by the fact that this vibrator with its unique shape was advertised as a way to accomplish to many goals. Alas, I should have known. No sex toy can do it all. And that’s not even a bad thing. Having one vibrator that works better clitorally and one that’s another G-spotter isn’t offensive in any way.  Sometimes a toy shines simply because it does one thing really well. The Gvibe 2 is not this toy. And it’s because of the shape. This vibrator has a regular base, but the shaft split off in two not unlike a peeled banana. Ideally, this creates a whole new way of using a vibrator, and Fun Toys would absolutely have you believe this. For me, however, the G-vibe falls into the realm of toys that can do multiple things but fail to do singular things well. You can insert it and use the other side to stimulate your clitoris or perineum. But the thickness toward the vertex means you can’t really situate the arm where you might like it nor can you ben it toward your body. The G-vibe also doesn’t provide adequate pressure for me clitorally, either. But I want clitoral stimulation to feel like I am trying to turn coal into diamonds. I also struggled — in vain — to insert both arms, each of which is just over 1-inch wide at the widest point. This turned out to be futile. If I had another hand myself or perhaps was working with a partner, it might have worked. But I could not for the life of me squeeze the two arms close enough together to insert them both vaginally. I think it’s possible, but not easy. I definitely go for easy. With that said, Fun Toys offers a few more suggestions via illustrations on their site, including:
  • Placing the arms on either side of the penis, ostensibly for stroking up and down
  • Inserting one arm anally while stimulating the testicles with the other
  • Inserting one arm vaginally and the other anally
Gvibe There are a couple images that indicate the split between the arms is much wider than it is or, at the very least, that the two arms are longer than they are. There are only about 3.25 inches from the outer tip to tip of the arms when they sit naturally apart. And they’re only about 3.5 inches long from where they fork apart. In one image, the toy is stimulating two genitals at the same time while the butts press close together. How you gunna do that with just over three inches of leeway? And anyway, the shaft beneath the split arms is about the sam length but a complete waste of space because you can’t do anything with it. LEt’s continue breaking down all the ways you can use this vibrator according to the lovely diagram above. In the other, a person is holding the G-vibe under their jaw while giving a blowjob. The idea is interesting and might feel good for the receiver. But I suspect that your face or jaw will absorb many of the vibrations and didn’t test this at all my sticking fingers into my own mouth while awkwardly holding the vibrating under my jaw. No wait, I totally did. And felt nothing. Finally, there’s an image of a woman holding the G-vibe to her chest with the tips of either arm stimulating each nipple. But her (imagined) anatomy is nothing at all like my own. If I hold the G-vibe against my chest — even perpendicular and forcing the arms as far apart as I can, the arms press into the inner swell of my breasts. Without spreading them, it just sits between them (one suggestion is placing the vibe between your breasts while someone titty fucks you, but it seems as though they forget about the fundamental law of gravity). Now, I realize that my ribcage forces my breasts outward (so annoying!), but what the hell person has nipples that are only 3.5 inches apart?! The better option would be to cradle a single nipple between the arms. But having tried this, I can’t stay it does much to me. I felt more stimulation when I lightly held a single arm to the tip of one my nipples than when placed it toward the vertex. The freedom of the arms to vibrate freely is key here. But if you like vibration on your nipples, a bullet vibe might do it just as well. Fun Toys offers a suggested use of holding the G-vibe lower than the testicles to stimulate from either side, which might work better. If you’re a lover of clit stim, as you all know that I am, then you can hold it upside down above your clit with either the arms spread or pressed together with your hand. Again, neither of these are ideal. If I’m gripping the arms with one hand, I’ll need a second to press buttons, or I’ll need to pause stimulation to use that hand to do so. And I pretty much loathe when I have to break clit contact to switch settings on a toy. So we’re left with several of the options suggested by Fun Toys being impossible and at least one more being possible but impractical. One is underwhelming. I can assume that not all of the options won’t appeal to every user, to begin with. What if you find a position that you like? Perhaps there’s redemption to be found yet? The vibrations of the Gvibe 2 are what I would call gentle and buzzy. I am sure some people would enjoy them and the handful of pulsating and escalating settings. I am not one of those people. If you do enjoy the vibrations, you can get 4 hours on one charge (the magnetic charger reminds me of Fun Factory’s charger system), according to Fun Toys. The Gvibe 2 I received is still going and I haven’t even charged it yet!  Of course, I haven’t been motivated to use it more than twice because it just does nothing for me. It’s not like one of those vibrators that will get me off with a lot of work. No amount of work will reward me with an orgasm with this toy. I do, however, enjoy the buttons. They’re are slightly raised with embossed symbols, so you can easily find them. They make an audible click when you press them, which I’ve always preferred. The three buttons are intuitive. If you were to insert one arm with the other against your clitoris, the buttons would face up, and you could comfortably hold this toy with a finger or two within the handle and your thumb on the buttons. I also like the silky smoothness of the silicone of this vibrator. However, it does collect a lot of lint and fur. I cannot complain about the characteristics of the material, however. At least it’s body-safe. GVibe 2 falls in line with a number of modern vibrators that mimic Lelo’s luxury aesthetic — especially those in the Insignia line. The build quality seems good, and it’s sleek. But where it counts, this toy just falls short.

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Mini Marvels Marvelous Massager

September 16th, 2018

Mini Marvels Marvelous Massager
$33.53 from Amazon

I’ll be honest. I thought all the vibrators in the Mini Marvels line looked dinky, a word I used to describe a toy in a review from a decade ago – and one a little more recently! I was looking for any reason to try a toy in this line, however, because of the comic book-inspired packaging. After I read Dizzy Girl’s favorable review of the Teaser, I decided to try one.

I thought perhaps that the Marvelous Massager was best suited for my masturbatory preferences, and SheVibe shipped it my way.

Cal Exotics attempted to create a line of toys that fit into your hand almost intuitively, and this is one of the things that initially attracted me to the line when I came across it in Dizzy’s review. The finger location of the Teaser, however, seems a little more natural; although, even Dizzy Girl mentioned having to hold the toy in a way other than was intended by the design because she’s human. As am I

Despite other reviewers finding the Marvelous Massager, in particular, to be comfortable to hold, I could not disagree more. In fact, I was surprised to hear anyone describe this thing as easy to hold. As it turns out, I was holding it wrong. See, I require a lot of clitoral pressure when I masturbate, and I want to hold the Marvelous Massager with the thinner end toward my mons, so I get more pressure from the thicker end. Of course, the valleys for my fingers don’t work at all in that position.

Even when I turn the toy around, it still doesn’t seem to be designed well. Keeping your fingers between the “fins” prevents you from bending them at all. I probably have arthritis in my hands, and simply placing my fingers inside the slots for less than a minute leaves my knuckles feeling a bit stranger for a while. Not necessarily painful, but just a reminder of how damn awkward the position was. Were the handle portion narrow like the Teaser, it might fit more comfortably.

But there’s another issue. The Mini Marvels seem like they might simply be better for someone whose hands do not fit into gloves meant for children. In Mizz Jezebella’s photos, her fingers extend far longer than mine, and her knuckles sit differently within the finger valleys.

Finally, you can’t push the buttons with the same hand that’s using the vibrator

I think a solution to my issues, aside from having hands that function at 100%, would simply to make the fins that line that finger valleys much more flexible. A couple of bloggers call them flexible in their reviews but.. eh.. not really. You’d certainly think the fins would be more flexible than they are. That would give my fingers more room to “breathe” and, I suspect, make holding the Marvelous Massager much more comfortable (especially if they extended further from the center of the toy). Plus, this would allow a greater range of people to use this toy.

CalExotics obviously designed the Marvelous Massager — and perhaps all of the toys in the Mini Marvels line — with (cis) women in mind. They’re ideal for lithe fingers and, in fact, the illustrations included with the Marvelous Massager do not depict human fingers. Perhaps they’re some sort of alien appendages. I don’t know if CalExotics has invented finger shaming, but it’s ridiculous.

As is, my fingers seem pretty standard width. They’re not remarkably slender or wide. But anyone with meatier fingers, and definitely cis men would find the Marvelous Massager nigh on impossible to use as intended.

You can always use the toy more in the palm of your hand than with your fingers in the grooves. The shape of the Marvelous Massager means that I still can’t acquire the pressure that I prefer. I like the side that makes contact to protrude more. Lelo Siri 2Lelo’s Siri does this a bit. So does the Fun Factory Laya Spot. It allows me to grind the toy into my vulva. I can’t do this with this toy, however.

That leaves us at vibrations. I’ve seen some toys that are surprisingly powerful despite their size and toys that have vibrations as weak as they are small. The Marvelous Massager falls somewhere in between. It’s perhaps stronger than you might think given the design, but it’s a far cry from marvelous. Perhaps the broad bottom of this toy is less than ideal for distributing vibrations. I don’t necessarily want something pinpoint, but it’s just a bit too diffuse for me. I tried using the vibrator on its side, but that’s not an ideal solution, either.

There are seven settings aside from constant vibration. By now, my readers probably know that I’m not down with these settings. They seem lackluster, per usual.

One thing I do like is that the two buttons (power and cycling through settings) are raised. These didn’t show up well in my photos, but they’re easy to find with your fingers. Of course, the position doesn’t make perfect sense. I wonder if CalExotics could have managed to put them more on the sides like some computer mouses have buttons. Or even make it squeezable from the sides. Combining this with the Minna Limon would make an interesting little toy.

Aside from issues I’ve covered, you might care to know that the Marvelous Massager is waterproof and recharges via USB. For those who desire more power, you’re only going to get 30 minutes out of this vibrator (2 hours on low setting, however). This seems laughable compared to some vibrators and especially when you consider that it needs 2.5 hours to charge. I drained the toy on my first use. It looks like the entire line uses the same motor, so I wouldn’t use this as your only toy if you enjoy marathon sessions.

I suppose I cannot help but wonder if the shape of the Marvelous Massager is my biggest issue. Would I have preferred  something  else or am I out of luck given my preferences?

1 Comment

Categories: Vibrators

Scoop

August 17th, 2018

Scoop Vibrator
N/A from

This is an archived review of a discontinued product. 

The last few reviews focused on items that are available to win from my anniversary giveaway, and this post is no different. Well, it’s a little different: it’s not for a book. The focus of this is a newish vibrator from Company Screaming O.

This toy is also a bit of a departure for ScreamingO, a company you may know better for vibrating cock rings that are generally single-use and, well, kind of chintzy. I have used a similar toy exactly once, and that might have been too much. It wasn’t by ScreamingO, but I decided that the concept of the flimsy ring with attached bullet was worth no one’s time. In my head, I associated low-quality rings with a low-quality company.

So what made me change my mind and decide to review the Scoop for Screaming O?

  1. The shape really caught my eye. I enjoy clitoral stimulators, but it’s been years since once really did it for me.
  2. Scoop is a rechargeable toy — it’s right there in the tagline.
  3. It’s made from TrueSilicone, which I assumed means silicone (more on that in a bit)
  4. This is not a single-use toy
  5. The price of Scoop is quite affordable (you can currently buy it for $44 from SheVibe!). I know my readers want to know if there are affordable toys that are worth it

I think we can break it down by those points pretty much.

The shape of the Scoop reminds me of a large tongue. It’s much thicker at the base and curves and tapers toward the tip, which is a wide “point.” Scoop looks quite plush, and the silicone is dense. I would hesitate to call it soft because it’s so dense. There’s some give at the tip, but I honestly suspected it to be softer. You can use the Scoop with a lot of pressure without doing any damage, however. A toy such as the Tango feels much sharper when I press it against my body.

However, the Scoop’s shape does fail to really wow me. Perhaps the rounded edge lacks something pinpoint or the density of the tip dulls the pressure and sensation. Another reviewer mentioned using Scoop on its side rather than the tip.

The rounded base makes the Scoop easy to hold, and the single button is just as easy to use. However, it’s near the base in a location that I just don’t love. I actually wish the button was closer to the tip. I don’t know if I am alone in this, but buttons located near the base of toys have almost always been awkward for me.

The Scoop is curious from other vibrators in one way, however: when you press the button to turn it on, it jolts into life after you hold the button. I mean, the vibrator actually seems to jump. It doesn’t take away from use, but it does make the Scoop seem like it lacks a bit of finesse. The vibrations of this toy are moderately rumbly at first.

Scoop has twenty functions, and you need to press the lone button to cycle through each of them. Although you can simply hold the button to turn it off, there’s no easy way to cycle through the settings. And to move past steady vibration, you need to press the button ten times. I have never needed ten separate modes of vibration, and the higher ones are impossibly buzzy and blend together.

I am used to this with vibrators but wish it wasn’t the case. My hand absorbs a lot of the vibrations during use. The vibrations are strongest on the inside of the scoop and not the tip, perhaps because of the density of the silicone. This isn’t the spot I’d imagine most people would press against their sensitive parts. It’s particularly awkward for clitoral use but could work for nipple stimulation.

  • Slow pulsation
  • Pulsation that increases in speed until a steady vibration
  • Medium pulsation
  • Medium-fast pulsation
  • Zippy pulsation followed by a trill
  • Fastest pulsation
  • Long pulsation
  • Short, fast pulsation that almost feels steady
  • Medium pulsation followed by steady vibration
  • A number of medium pulsation followed by two bursts of the fast pulsation that almost feels steady

These all seem similar to describe, and they feel that way, too. Y’all know that I’ve never been a huge fan of settings, but someone who enjoyed them would likely find them too similar and be annoyed by having to press the button the Scoop twenty times to get to a single one. It would be nice if Scoop remembered the last-used setting.

According to the description, you can get an hour’s use out of the Scoop. I didn’t time it, exactly. It’s in that range. But there’s a definite loss of power as it happens. Some vibrators do promise longer use time, however. I also find the charger finicky. Scoop is like a few vibrators that simply have a hole in the silicone that covers the port and makes the toy waterproof. The plug doesn’t always line up (you’ll know because the LED lights up), and it usually takes me two attempts to line it up. Not a huge deal, but a little annoying.

My next concern is one shared by many: what the hell is True Silicone™? If it’s actually silicone, how is it trademarked — and why? Many toy lovers and bloggers are tired of the gimmicks. Screaming O sent me a data sheet that showed at True Silicone had been tested by a lab, but I was still curious. So I lit it on fire or, rather, I tried. The Scoop passed the flame test without a mark. I just wish ScreamingO was more transparent.

Despite some of my qualms about the Scoop, I think it is a decent option, especially at under $50. It’s not perfect, and it takes a lot to get me off with the Scoop. I think this is mostly a shape issue, and I now wonder if perhaps the Moove might be a better toy for me shape-wise. At the very least, I would be open to trying other ScreamingO toys, so I think the company is headed in the right direction (if stumbling there).

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Categories: Reviews, Vibrators

Image © MisterUnlucky; used with permission.