I’ve been having a lot of dreams about my ex-husband lately. Cin suggests that make I am thinking about him because of the holidays and, I must admit, that makes sense even if it’s not usual a conscious effort. In my dreams, I am hurt and frequently we are back together or, rather, never split up. But he wants to and I’m fighting it. Even in my dreams, I don’t know if I miss him as much as I miss the relationship, the companionship. Even in my dreams I am sick of being lonely.
And I think that is exactly why, in my waking life, I’m putting myself in such a confused position with the cuddly Nerd Boy.
To me it sounds exactly like what you said. You’re sick of being lonely and not in an established relationship for tons of cuddles and that connection.
While the holidays may be bringing it about, the only real relationship you’ve had is with your ex and you were with him for a long time so it makes sense that he’s the one being in your dreams since that’s all you’ve ever known.
From what you’ve said things are moving slowly with Nerd Boy and while you’re okay with that, at the same time you’re putting yourself on hold because they are not going as fast as you’d like (if that makes sense) so it’s causing stress, especially at THIS time of year for you.
When I originally read this post, I read this part: “But he wants to and I’m fighting it.” as “But he wants to split up and I’m fighting it.” Rereading the post, I’m not sure if that is a correct mental autofill. But with that assumption spelled out, here are my thoughts:
I somtimes have dreams about conflicts that were not resolved well, or conflicts that simply cannot be resolved, and my mind seems to want to redo them to try and make things right or at least better. If you’re fighting what’s happening in a dream, I’d translate that into Real Life Terms as a feeling of powerlessness, not having control when you want it, or regret for past actions.
If you aren’t getting what you want (or things aren’t going the way/pace you want) with the Nerd Boy, then maybe your dreams reflect other times when you were in similar states of wanting but not being able to get what you want.
I think part of the reasons these dreams are so awful for me is that I don’t want to be feeling that way about my ex. It’s almost a relief that the dreams may not be about him at all.